FWM 2015--Semi-Finals

Greetings Brothers,

It’s a fine Summer’s Eve. Somewhat balmy, but by no means sultry. The occasional gust of wind provides relief from some mildly intrusive humidity. A crystal clear Midwestern Sky supplies a plethora of visible starts uninhibited by any light pollution. Fireflies illuminate the space outside your friendly bookie’s office window. They’re more than welcome to do their thing.

An American Holiday looms. Your friendly bookie has always been quick to wish his Yank Bettors a “Happy Independence Day”. Comb back through the texts and you’ll find a post that begins with that very phrase every year. Thirteen years is a long time, gentlemen. On this particular 4^th of July, I’ll either be congratulating America or setting lines on a Third Place Match. We’ll find out soon enough. Get ready.

For now you should know that an overly-descriptive evening belongs to you. Here are your riffs:

Mailbag

Reader: I’m confused, Vicey. Which team features Jonathan Brandis playing soccer in drag?

Vicey: Christ almighty, 10-M! Now we’re all going to hell! Good to know that I can rely upon you to drop the “Ladybugs Reference”. Well done. Still, why must you always make me laugh to the point that I must asphyxiate myself to quell the giggles?!?!

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Okay. Now we’re REALLY all going to hell!

Reader: Was that really Queen Elizabeth II introducing Kate Abdo on “Women’s World Cup Tonight”?

 

Vicey: I can’t rightly say. No need for me to purport to know what the Queen actually looks like these days. Like most guys, when it comes to news about the British Royals, I’m far more interested in Pippa Middleton’s ass and Kate’s tits. I can identify those quite readily. You’re asking me to confirm the wrong information!  What the hell is wrong with you?

Reader: America already defeated the Krauts twice. This shouldn’t be a problem.

Vicey: Nice try, 37-M. You haven’t beaten us in a meaningful football match…ever. I don’t give a good goddamn about guys with a spiked helmets fighting for their Kaiser. That was nearly a century ago. You don’t get to use that one anymore.

Reader: Red, White, and Blue. We’ll piss on you.

Vicey: You just brought a knife to a Gun Fight. You’ll piss on me? Go ahead. You’re more than welcome to eat some asparagus and piss on me. “Germans know how to shit on someone.” Check out our fetish porn. Number Two trumps Number One when it comes to insults. Number One trumps Number Two when it comes to football. I win! 

Reader: Hey Peter Weis. Just like Patton and the American forces were able to eventually drive Rommel and ze Germans out of North Africa in WWII, the USWNT will do the same to your precious Fußballnationalmannschaft der Frauen come Tuesday evening.

Vicey: Interesting attempt to learn some German on the fly. If you think the word “Fußballnationalmannschaft” is ridiculously long, check out the CORRECT translation of Germany’s Women’s National football team.

 “Die Frauen-Fußball-Nationalmannschaft”.

Wow. Let’s take a look at it without the hyphens.

“Die Frauenfußballnationalmannschaft”

Somewhere out there a couple of trains just collided. ; )

Oh….and the plan to puncture the “soft underbelly” of Europe failed. Eisenhower saved your ass. Don’t get cocky.

Reader: God loves America. He blesses America.

Vicey: Jesus told me to tell you that you’re a fucking moron. That’s just what he said. I’m only relaying the message. Don’t shoot the messenger! 

Reader: It’s OUR turn, Vicey! You already have a World Championship!

Vicey: That’s true….that’s….dammit….that’s true. Okay, okay. You cut to the core, 17-M. Nevertheless, your women have two World Championships and my women have two. We’ve no choice but to call it even. Löw and the boys might be the reigning World Champions, but that has nothing to do with my Mädels! 

Reader: Hey…don’t downplay that [USA 2- Germany 1] victory too much. Within 5 days we beat ze Germans and Dutch on their home pitches. They might have just been friendlies, but those matches go a long way in building confidence and chemistry in a team. 

And with the Gold Cup coming up they have to be feeling very good about their chances. Bravo to the U.S. Men’s Squad. Hopefully that energy will transfer over to the women’s squad. Did you read the article the Matilda’s put up on their official site after their loss to the Yanks? So Salty.

Vicey: Syndicate Member 128-M makes some salient points in a well-written paragraph that he had no business taking the time to write. Klinsi and Löw hugged! It was nothing! He doesn’t truly deserve this “Counter-riff”, but I’m going to sock it to him anyway.

 

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“Are you employed, Mr. Lebowski??!?!”  

Reader: Lauren Sesselman reminds me of Bunny.  

Vicey: What is it with you guys and your persistent need to force me to make a Lebowski Reference? Dammit!

“I hope that one day my wife will learn to live on her allowance…which is ample!!”

Reader: Carli Lloyd really miffed the pronunciation of “Solidarity”

Vicey: Easy on the girl. She had a great game. At least she didn’t shout “We get a FUCKING goal” into the mike like Abby Wambach did.  

“S-O-L-I-D-A-R-I-T-Y”, Carli ; )

Reader: How embarrassing will it be for you when your girls lose tomorrow?

Vicey: Not as embarrassing as it is for me when I have to change your diapers, 175-M. Silence, child. Shut your fucking trap.

Reader: No one beats America.

Vicey: Except for when they do. Do I really need to remind you of what happened in 2011? Pray that you won’t meet the Japs in the final. They’ll spank your ass. 

Reader: Americans write shitty books, shitty articles, and shitty songs. The only thing worse than that is how much Germans love them.

Vicey: (pissing himself with laughter)

ALL HAIL SYNDICATE MEMBER 10-M!! He’s the fucking man! That may well be the best line in the history of our Syndicate. It doesn’t get much better than that!

Reader: Why not promote your blog?

Vicey: Why not suck my fat Aryan cock? No way. Leave me alone you useless troll! I’m not a fucking narcissist! The world is full of ignorant children who post the mundane details of their meaningless lives on various social media sites. Try selling your bullshit to them. 

I’m not interested. Allow me to emphasize an unanticipated advantage of the “Digital Age”: This bookie doesn’t need to render his Syndicate an “Invitation Only” affair. All he needs to do is lay low and keep it relatively quiet. The rest takes care of itself. : )

http://shadow-scholar-syndicate.blogspot.com/2014/05/syndicate-re-release-living-in-digital.html

Reader: Have you met Canadian forward Allysha Chapman? I mean, have you REALLY met her?

 

Vicey: I’ve REALLY met her and I REALLY love her. Thank you, 66-M ; ) 

Geaux Tigers!! 

Before moving on, let’s keep everyone updated on the most absolutely fucking absurd search term that led internet trollers to this blogspot.

“Lena Gößling Feet”

WHAT?? The girl has gorgeous eyes! Who gives a shit about her feet? Someone’s got a incurable fetish!

 My Updated Stats:

Spread: 21-27

Straight Up: 32-11-5

Goodbyes Section:

 5^th Place—France 

Good God. What a gorgeous football match that was!! Positively radiant. I’ve not seen a more sublime display of football all year. No effort put forth by a male club even comes close.

An instant classic! A pulsating thriller! All 28 girls on the pitch went full throttle with every last ounce of their hearts and souls. Breathtaking end-to-end action from start to finish.

Acrobatic crosses and touches. Brilliant combinations. Intrepid tackles. “Platinum Level” quality of play. You’ll not see a better 120 minutes of football for a very long time indeed. Louisa Necib played the game of her life. Wendie Renard rockstarred it with her moves. Claire Lavogez bravely played on after taking a brutal fall to the pitch…only to end up in tears after her unlucky miss in the dramatic penalty shootout.

: ( ; ( 

Amazing stuff, gentlemen. I implore you not to erase that game from your DVR anytime soon! It should occupy a special place in your Digital Library for years to come. One can only hope it’s not too late. ; (

 

DON’T ERASE!!

A legitimate question, posed by both Syndicate Members and scores of others, reads,

“Why in the hell was this Masterpiece merely a Quarterfinal?”

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I hear you. How wholly unfair! The World’s #1 and the World’s #2 had no business meeting one another at such an early stage. This absolutely should have been either a Semi-Final or a Final!! The answer to that question, unsurprisingly, is that FIFA fucked up. The normal seeding rules that ordinarily govern the Group Draw weren’t employed.

As a result, the left side of the bracket contains all of the world’s strongest teams whilst the right side of the bracket borders on creampuff. This is the same reason the U.S. and Germany are pitted against one another in the Semis instead of the Final. When asked, FIFA cited the need to attract enough fan support to sell out the venues.

There you have it. This first 24-team Women’s World Cup is rigged. Spare some sympathy for ze French….and for Claire Lavogez ; ( ; (

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 6^th Place—Canada 

We knew that this would happen. We knew that John Herdman wouldn’t select the right eleven. We knew that Christine Sinclair couldn’t carry this team on her admittedly broad shoulders. We knew that Erin McLeod got too big for her breeches. We also knew that Lauren Sesselman, for all of her mousy charm, couldn’t withstand the onslaught of a superior attack.

Your friendly bookie’s lineup projection might have been far wide of the mark, but he still managed to set a fair line. The Canucks were lucky to make it as far as they did. This team always looked, disturbingly enough, like a version of Schalke ’04 during the Kuranyi Era. Not enough explosive pop, ladies. Not nearly enough.

I’m pleased to convey kudos to Kadeisha Buchanan, Sophie Schmidt, Ashley Lawrence, and Allysha Chapman for their excellent tournament. I also honestly wonder whether or not we’ll see this team again. If the youngsters can’t feed off the cacophonous energy of their home supporters, there’s little hope that they can compete in foreign qualifiers. This may prove goodbye forever.

 7^th Place—Australia 

The Matildas have made great progress with their program and it’s a harsh end to the dream. The good news is that this young squad will be back in four years time with promising prospects. Captain Lisa de Vanna is likely done. Ditto Servet Uzunlar. I just don’t see the latter overcoming her persistent injury problems.

In contrast, Kyah Simon, Tameka Butt, Alana Kennedy, Samantha Kerr, Elise Kellond-Knight, and Caitlin Foord should all be reaching their peak come 2019.

They put on an entertaining show, but it’s never a good idea to do more than playfully flirt with Cinderella. She turns into a hag when the clock strikes midnight ; ) 

The Aussies never go away. Just listen to your friendly bookie:

From FWM 2011—Semi-Finals

 Australia 

  

What did I say about the Australian back line?? Elyse Perry is a pretty girl with a pretty goal to her credit, but she had a nightmare day at the back. Unzunlar upgraded her performance from “catastrophe” to “miserable” and Tameka Butt was subbed in far too late to make difference. (No, people. I refuse to make a joke about either Tameka “what..what” or Bayern keeper Hans Jorg “in the” Butt).

So the dream dies for our “lady-roos”, “Waltzing Matildas”, “outback ovaries”, blah blah blah blah. Rest assured we’ll be back with this perennial oceanic qualifier next time around, talking about their fierce “Never say die” attitude, trying (and failing) to find something funny to say about the Prime Minister, and pretending as if Yahoo Serious is a legitimate pop culture reference. Yawn. Don’t you understand? They won’t go away! They’re always coming back! LEAVE ME ALONE!  

 8^th Place—China 

Welcome back into the fold, “Steel Roses”. After years of torpor the Chinese Women’s Football Program staggers out of the wilderness and once again basks in the limelight. Superb clearance off the line from Li Donga. Nice work from Zhao Rong as well. Wu Haiyan’s climactics and Hao Wei’s theatrics won’t soon be forgotten either.

Earlier in this chapter I promised my Syndicate Brothers that I would find something more interesting to write about China than how insanely tall and limber Wang Fei is. We’ll fulfill that promise with some praise for Wang Shanshan, Han Peng, and Wang Lisi:

“Go on, girls”!

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I’m afraid that’s all. Enjoy the picture. ; )

We’ll see you in four years, youthful dames.  

LET’S ROCK THE LINES!!

Tuesday—

Deutschland vs. USA

  vs. 

Might as well keep this tradition going.

(Glorious Fatherland vs. Country of Convenience)

  vs. 

True Syndicate Fans know that we’ve been here twice before: Once in the 2002 World Cup Quarterfinals and again in 2014 World Cup Group Stage.

Some explanation of the phrase “Country of Convenience” is in order. Your friendly bookie loves BOTH of his counties. He went to High School in the USA.  He went to college in the USA. He loves the “land of the free” and will unabashedly sing BOTH national anthems.

The U.S. offers a higher standard of living. It’s easier to buy a fleet of cars and lord over acres upon acres of property in what Europeans once referred to as the “New World” than it is in Europe. The “Old Country” is tightly packed. The German borders house one third of the U.S. Population despite being the size of Oregon. That’s why Imperialist Europeans dubbed these shores the “Land of Opportunity”.

Long before the Age of Social Media, brave immigrants settled upon these shores. They weren’t a bunch of imbecilic narcissists hoping to make it in Hollywood. They simply wanted space to farm, live, and breed in.

America offers space. There’s nothing more important to a man who, like most men, prefers to be mostly left alone. It’s an illustriously spacious country, but that’s no excuse for denying my heritage.

Here’s what your friendly bookie had to say (and re-post) last summer:

From WM 2014: Round Four

THURSDAY—

Deutschland vs. USA

  vs. 

(Glorious Fatherland vs. Country of Convenience)

  vs. 

Give it up, America. Fun and games are over. For all those of you who insist on pressing me to root for the States…….sorry. My name is Vicey. I’m the last in a long line of Vice Males to live on this German Straße. My great-grandfather, grandfather, and father called this very house home.

There will be no continuation of “The Line of Vice”. I am the last one. Even, if by some inexplicable miracle, a girl convinces me to breed; the kids can have her last name.

I live where they lived. I drink what they drank. I eat what they ate. I root for the same country that they do. Period. The only thing precluding me from setting a higher line is that I know you’ll eat this one up. Good luck, Gentlemen. You’re really going to need it this time. This match won’t even be close.

Stop getting your hopes up. Welcome back to the “K.O. Phase”. You won’t get there over our backs.

Podolski, Hummels, and Lahm.

You’re dead.

THE LINE: Mannschaft +1 Goal

Have we been here before?

Oh yes. ; ) ; ) The Glorious Fatherland and the Country of Convenience met in a hotly-contested Quarterfinal Clash back at the “dawn” of the Syndicate. It was legendary in Syndicate Lore!!

Germany vs. USA

  vs. 

Nothing special about this match. Ho hum. Just two ordinary Nation-Sates squaring off on a routine Saturday night. I’m told that these countries have people living within their borders and that these people in turn speak domestic languages. I seem to be remiss in any endeavor to write something further. Thanks to the Marshall Plan, these two are essentially the same country anyway. Yawn. I discern no reason why I should expend any energy in picking one or the other.

Wait for it……

Wait for it……

Wait for it……

The fuck is wrong with you? Not interested in any of the other matches?

Wait for it…..

You know my cat did something peculiar the other day. He climbed in an open 40-pound bag of kitty liter and took a shit. I’d be happy to spin more yarns about my pet’s digestive eccentricities. All you have to do is ask. J

Wait for it….

The Phillies have a decent team this year. I think this will be the year that Brandon Duckworth kid breaks out. Ricky Ledee also looks solid.

Wait for it….

Wait for it…

I know that everyone’s anxious to hear my views on the revised EU Common Agricultural Policy. The French turnip quotas are especially fascinating.

Wait for it…

Coverage of this game will begin at 3:30 a.m. Central Daylight Time. Before committing yourself to this appointment, all of those of you in the States should seriously consider the competing programming offered simultaneously by our other fine broadcast outlets. For example, at least twelve separate stations will be selling various trinkets, 9/11 coins, Commemorative NASCAR plates, Girls gone Wild DVDs and Diana dolls. For those of you after the elusive washboard abs, a number of quality infomercials will enlighten you as to how can obtain them by sitting on your fat ass and hooking pulsating massagers up to your beer gut. 

“Nick at Nite” will feature some episodes from the third season of “Coach” (undoubtedly the strongest season) and the second season of “Major Dad” (also undeniably the peak of this short lived gift from the heavens). Are you prepared to miss that? Tuning into this match means you’ll have to postpone your 423^rd viewing of “Conan the Destroyer”, 241^st viewing of “Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome”, your 875^th viewing of “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”, your 13,983^rd viewing of “Halloween III: Season of the Witch” AND your 345,678th^th viewing of the 45^th Scooby Doo Episode (It’s a good one. Old Man Smith turns out to be the Swamp Monster. Did not see that one coming).

If you fail to switch over to the History Channel, you run the risk of not knowing something about Hitler’s favorite Tuesday afternoon vegetarian meal! Next time you’re out at the bar and your mates start talking about the spellbinding information conveyed during C-Span 2’s academic panel discussion on Southeastern Appellate Court Jurisdictional Reach in Property Claims Cases 1871-1875, you’ll be left out of the conversation! 

You’ll never know the incredibly riveting true resolution to the Turner Child Custody Case of 1987, because you weren’t watching “He took her Baby and She wanted It Back” on the Lifetime Movie Network! How will you live with yourself without knowing when precisely Jesus will show up? “Sometime in the near future after the checks are cashed” or “Very soon indeed after you give me more money”. YOU WON’T KNOW. YOU WON’T KNOW!!

Alright, Sweetie. Hope you enjoyed that. I’m going to go ahead and copulate now. Time for the Money Shot!    

GLORIOUS VATERLAND vs. Country of Convenience

  vs. 

Achhhh Ja. Whew. Glad I got that off my chest….and onto yours. Sorry for all the pussyfooting around, but I surely couldn’t just give you such an important pick without a bit of foreplay. Pre-mature delegation affects bookies of all ages and this momentous match is no fat chick.

Editor’s retroactive notes:

According to my legal team, I must now issue a sincere apology to all Women of Girth (WOGs) for all of the pain inflicted by my proclivity towards instinctively mean and callously insensitive shock humor during my youth. I myself possess no genuine malice towards women of the more rotund persuasion. In fact…er…some of my best friends are fat chicks. Look, the bottom line is I’ve honestly loved more chubby chicas than the amount of any readers of this combined. Leave me the fuck alone and stop taking it personally. Dry your tears and put down that pint of Haagen-Dazs. I said put it down! NO..NO. BAD GIRL! STOP IT!

Here’s the deal: Mein Name ist Vicey und ich bin ursprünglich und zuerst ein aufrechter Deutscher! As much as I’d love to pretend that I agonized over this decision, vacillating between the two countries and pacing all over the computer lab until I was compelled to unleash a soliloquy on matters of the conflicted soul before breaking down and starting to sob uncontrollably, it took about 0.002313 atomic seconds after the possibly of this pairing came up before I started having a craving for Schnitzel and Spätzle. Deutschland is where I attended my first football match. Germany is where I started following the sport. 

The Fatherland is where I scored my first own goal (actually it was in Rome, but close enough). My dearest Americans, I find it too arduous to back a country I only recently learned has a male team. J I, like most everyone else around the globe, simply assumed you would disguise the women, teach them how to grasp their groin during free kicks and pack them off to the World Cup. We had no clue you intended to shipping some actual swinging dicks and that you would let them hang low.

Let’s dive into detail about why you might want to watch Jack van Impe anyway: We’ve got the rising star of this tournament, a sprightly little Pollack by the name of Miroslav Klose. So precipitous has been his rise that he might even start in lieu of Bierhof. Fullback Christian Ziege will hassle McBride all night long, not even allowing him to get so much as a whiff of goal. 

Should he lapse, we’ve got the best keeper in the world: Karlsruhe’s own Oliver Kahn. As the Poland match demonstrated, your back four is softer than Snuggles the Fabric Softener Bear’s Junk. Agoos, Saneh and Pope are bad options. Berhalter and Mastroeni and Lhamosa. You’ll be forced to play only three defenders. We shall, prod puncture, and penetrate. Alright. Enough of the autoerotic euphemisms. Here’s your line:

THE LINE: Deutschland  +2 Goals

Editor’s retroactive notes:

RESULT: Germany 1, USA 0. Arena gave Berhalter the nod and started four defenders. The bulky backfield of Uncle Sam gave us quite a scare. This was a tense match, about as exciting as a coffee enema. Klose started, but managed only one shot. After Ballack scored shortly before the half, it was all America. Donovan released three vicious strikes that pushed the limits of Kahn’s brilliance. Claudio Reyna found John O’Brien in space, resulting in a cracker that I’m still not certain how Kahn saved. 

Of course one cannot discuss this game without mentioning the blatant takedown of Clint Mathis by Torsten Frings in the box. Yes, U.S. fans. You should have been awarded a penalty. Thus began the distinctly American tradition of griping that the officials give them no respect. Dems the breaks, Yanks. I present an alternative view: The Refs can’t SAVE a game FOR you. You were outclassed. The headline in Die Bild Zeitung the following morn read “Kahn beats America”. Nothing truer has been printed in die Bild since.

Time to focus on the present. Enough of this metaphysical psycho-babble. Let’s draw it up, beginning with the “Glorius Fatherland”:

 LINEUP—Deutschland (Match One) (4-4-2) 

Anja Mittag  Celia Okoyino da Mbabi

Alexandra Popp             Simone Laudehr

Lena Gößling Melanie Leupholz

Tabea Kemme                              Leonie Maier

Saksia Bartusiak  Annike Krahn

Nadine Angerer

 LINEUP—Deutschland (Match Two) (4-2-3-1) 

Celia Okoyino da Mbabi

Anja Mittag

Alexandra Popp          Simone Laudehr

Lena Gößling   Dzenisfer Marozsan

T. Kemme  S.Bartusiak  A. Krahn  L. Maier

Nadine Angerer

 LINEUP—Deutschland (Match Three) (4-2-3-1) 

Celia Okoyino da Mbabi

Dzensifer Marozsan

Lena Lotzen         Sara Däbritz

Melanie Behringer Melanie Leupholz

J. Cramer    B. Peter  A. Krahn     B. Schmidt

Nadine Angerer

 LINEUP—Deutschland (Match Four) (4-2-3-1) 

Celia Okoyino da Mbabi

Alexandra Popp  Anje Mittag  Simon Laudehr

Mealnie Leupholz Lena Gößling

Tabea Kemme                          Leonie Maier

Sakskia Bartusiak Annike Krahn

Nadine Angerer

 LINEUP—(Match Five—PROJECTED) 

(4-2-3-1)

Celia Sasic

Alexandra Popp  Anje Mittag  Simone Laudehr

Melanie Leupholz    Lena Gößling

Tabea Kemme                        Leonie Maier

Babette Peter    Annike Krahn

Nadine Angerer

 LINEUP— (Match Five—ACTUAL) 

(4-2-3-1)

Celia Sasic

Alexandra Popp  Anje Mittag  Simone Laudehr

Melanie Leupholz   Lena Gößling

Tabea Kemme                            Leonie Maier

Babette Peter    Annike Krahn

Nadine Angerer

PERFECT PICK!! I know my Mädels. I also believe I can peek into Sylvia Neid’s soul in the same way that Lena Gößling’s piercing blue eyes break my barrier ; )

Let’s file the grades. All fourteen participants get one.

 GRADES—Deutschland (Match One) 

Celia Sasic	A+
Anje Mittag	A+
Sara Däbritz	A+
Tabea Kemme	A+
Leonie Maier	A+
Simone Laudehr	A+
Lena Gößling	A+
Lena Peterman	A+
Alexandra Popp	A
Melanie Behringer	A
Melanie Leupholz	A-
Saskia Bartusiak	B
Annike Krahn	B-
Nadine Angerer	C+

 GRADES—Deutschland (Match Two) 

Alexandra Popp	A+
Dzsenifer Marozsan	A
Anja Mittag	A
Leonie Maier	A
Simone Laudehr	A
Tabea Kemme	A
Celia Sasic	B+
Nadine Angerer	B
Sara Däbritz	B-
Lena Gößling	B-
Saskia Bartusiak	C
Lena Lotzen	C-

 GRADES—Deutschland (Match Three) 

Melanie Leupholz	A+
Lena Peterman	A+
Josephine Henning	A
Babett Peter	A
Dzensifer Marozsan	A
Melanie Behringer	A
Sara Däbritz	A-
Nadine Angerer	A-
Anje Mittag	A-
Celia Sasic	B+
Bianca Schmidt	B
Jennifer Cramer	B
Annike Krahn	C+
Lena Lotzen	C

 GRADES—Deutschland (Match Four) 

Nadine Angerer	A+
Anje Mittag	A+
Alexandra Popp	A+
Dzensifer Marozsan	A+
Tabea Kemme	A+
Celia Sasic	A+
Leonie Maier	A
Lena Gößling	A
Melanie Leupholz	A-
Jennifer Cramer	A-
Simone Laudehr	B+
Annike Krahn	B
Saskia Batusiak	C

 GRADES—Deutschland (Match Five) 

Nadine Angerer	A+
Dzenifer Marozsan	A+
Tabea Kemme	A+
Celia Sasic	A+
Melanie Behringer	A
Simone Laudehr	A
Babette Peter	A-
Leonie Maier	B+
Melanie Leupholz	B+
Lena Gößling	B+
Sara Däbritz	B
Alexandra Popp	B
Annike Krahn	C
Anje Mittag	C

Angerer saved the day. Fantastic performance from Celia Okoyino da Mbabi (now officially referred to as “Celia Sasic.”) Babette Peter filled in for Saskia Bartusiak with mixed results. Popp was likely hurt over the course of the final thirty. Krahn needs to be subbed out. Mittag will at least be fresh for the next day.

Now you get your turn, America.

 LINEUP—USA (Match One) (4-4-2) 

Abby Wambach Sydney Leroux

Meghan Rapinoe                     Christian Press

Carli Lloyd   Lauren Holiday

M. Klingenberg                            Ali Krieger

Julie Johnston  Becky Sauerbrunn

Hope Solo

 LINEUP—USA (Match Two) (4-4-2) 

Sydney Leroux Christian Press

Meghan Rapinoe                      Morgan Brian

Carli Lloyd   Lauren Holiday

M. Klingenberg                          Ali Krieger

Julie Johnston  Becky Sauerbrunn

Hope Solo

 LINEUP—USA (Match Three) (4-4-2) 

Abby Wambach  Alex Morgan

Tobin Heath                      Meghan Rapinoe

Carli Lloyd   Lauren Holiday

M. Klingenberg                            Ali Krieger

Becky Sauerbrunn Julie Johnston

Hope Solo

 LINEUP—USA (Match Four—4-4-2) 

Alex Morgan  Abby Wambach

Tobin Heath                       Meghan Rapinoe

Carli Lloyd  Lauren Holiday

M. Klingenberg                            Ali Krieger

Julie Johnston Becky Sauerbrunn

Hope Solo

  LINEUP—USA (Match Five—PROJECTED) 

(4-3-3)

Sydney Leroux Alex Morgan Christian Press

Tobin Heath       Morgan Brian

Carli Lloyd

Kelley O’Hara                              Ali Krieger

Julie Johnston Becky Sauerbrunn

Hope Solo

 LINEUP—USA (Match Five—ACTUAL) 

(4-4-2)

Alex Morgan          Amy Rodriguez

Tobin Heath       Kelley O’Hara

Carli Lloyd  Morgan Brian

M. Klingenberg                     Ali Krieger

Becky Sauerbrunn  Julie Johnston

Hope Solo

Amy Rodriguez may have had trouble finishing, but she remains a good choice. Moving Kelley O’Hara up was a brilliant move. Carli Lloyd may have been technically paired with Morgan Brian, but she ran the midfield all alone just as I said she could.

Solid performances turned in by Klingenberg and Krieger. Nice crossed. Sauerbrunn and Johnston moght have switched places yet again. However…..I’m not sure…..that I give a shit.

Let’s file some grades.

 GRADES—USA (Match One) 

Meghan Rapinoe	A+
Ali Krieger	A+
Tobin Heath	A
Becky Sauerbrunn	A
Alex Morgan	A
Abby Wambach	A
Julie Johnston	A-
Sydney Leroux	B
Christian Press	B-
Meghan Klingenberg	B-
Hope Solo	B-
Lauren Holiday	C+
Carli Lloyd	C+

 GRADES—USA (Match Two )

Meghan Klingenberg	A+
Julie Johnston	A+
Becky Sauerbrunn	A+
Carli Lloyd	A
Morgan Brian	A-
Amy Rodriguez	B+
Ali Krieger	B-
Abby Wambach	B-
Hope Solo	B-
Meghan Rapinoe	C+
Alex Morgan	C
Sydney Leroux	C
Christian Press	C

 GRADES—USA (Match Three) 

Abby Wambach	A+
Alex Morgan	A+
Meghan Rapinoe	A+
Julie Johnston	A+
Lauren Holiday	A
Hope Solo	A
Becky Sauerbrunn	B+
Ali Krieger	B
Tobin Heath	B
Shannon Boxx	B-
Sydney Leroux	B-
Meghan Klingenberg	B-
Carli Lloyd	C+

  GRADES—USA (Match Four) 

Alex Morgan	A+
Christian Press	A
Tobin Heath	A
Morgan Brian	A-
Julie Johnston	A-
Becky Sauerbrunn	B+
Carli Lloyd	B
Hope Solo	B
Meghan Rapinoe	B-
Abby Wambach	C+
Ali Krieger	C+
Meghan Klingenberg	C
Lauren Holiday	C

Grades for everyone, including Abby. She may have came on in the 86^th, but she earns an “A” for her leadership skills.

“We get a FUCKING GOAL!!”

 GRADES—USA (Match Five) 

Carli Lloyd	A+
Kelley O’Hara	A+
Christen Press	A
Abby Wambach	A
Hope Solo	A
Amy Rodriguez	A
Ali Krieger	A-
Alex Morgan	B
Julie Johnston	B
Morgan Brian	B
Tobin Heath	B-
Heather O’Reilly	B-
Meghan Klingenberg	C+
Becky Sauerbrunn	C+

Carli Lloyd and Kelley O’Hara  can run that midfield without any further assistance. Klingenberg will rebound. So will Sauerbrunn and Heath. Wambach should probably start. That is your friendly bookie’s projection.

The France vs. Germany match should serve as a model for what we expect out of this one, brothers. U.S. fans deserve to expect a victory. Rapinoe and Holiday will surely benefit from the extra rest. My Mädels are surely tired after that French slugfest.

The depth of our squad doesn’t automatically cancel out the two critical injuries to Marszan and Popp. This is an even matchup; a complete toss up. Dream big for your country.

Hope springs eternal for U.S. fans. Let’s spend a few minutes discussing what diehard fans of the game deserve to expect. What do WE hope for?

(1) A Clean Game.

No dirty tackles. No sloppy 50-50s. No diving. None of that nonsense. We want pure unadulterated skill. That’s what we expect. So we shall receive.

(2) No Officiating Controversies.

Football may be a subjective game, but I want us all to agree on any and all spot kicks awarded. We can’t have any contentious handballs, debatable spills, or dubious offside calls. Let the best team win. Period.

(3) 120 minutes of end-to-end action.

I’d love to see this game go to overtime. The more close chances the better. If it comes down to Penalty kicks it’ll be a shame. Let’s hope for a “Second Wind Burst” from one of the squads.

(4) Good friends and Good football.

Be in touch, Syndicate Brothers. ; )

Onwards to the lineups. Obviously, injuries play a crucial role. Alexandra Popp and Dzensifer Maroszan are likely out. Lauren Holiday may be fully fit, but I don’t see her reprising her role after Kelley O’Hara’s performance.

Projected Lineups:

 “The Stars and Stripes”—(4-4-2) 

Alex Morgan  Abby Wambach

Morgan Brian                  Meghan Rapinoe

Carli Lloyd Kelley O’Hara

M. Klingenberg                 Ali Krieger

Julie Johnston Becky Sauerbrunn

Hope Solo

 “Die Nationalelf”—(4-2-3-1) 

Celia Sasic

Melanie Behringer       Simone Laudehr

Anje Mittag

Melanie Leupolz Lena Gößling

T. Kemme  S. Bartusiak A. Krahn  L. Maier

Nadine Angerer

THE LINE: Pick em’

Prop Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own)

Over/Under—3 Goals   

120 Minutes—Straight Up

Penalty Shootout—Straight Up

Wednesday—

England vs. Japan

  vs. 

What’s this? We have another match, Vicey? We do indeed, gentlemen, and it’s shaping up to be a mighty fine one. Let neither your emotions nor your hangover get the better of you on Wednesday morning. There’s still great football to be watched. Syndicate Members typically forswear football entirely after their team loses. Your friendly bookie generally requires a 24-hour-recovery-period after the Fatherland falls before he can start thinking about the beautiful game again.

In a few short hours we’ll know which one of our countries won’t contest for the crown of Women’s World Champions. This beaut forces us to put differences aside quickly and start focusing back on football. Sasaki vs. Sampson is an amateur tactician’s Wet Dream. Both coaches have proven brilliantly sly in selecting their starting elevens throughout the tournament.

Formations and players have been exotic, varied, and intriguing. They’ve played it so close to the vest that your friendly bookie isn’t quite sure what to expect. I’ve no clue what their “all-on-the-line” starting eleven looks like.

Below you’ll find my lineup projections and my line. Long-time Syndicate Members know that this will constitute my last chance to amuse myself with the unadulterated geometric joy of tactical speculation. The final two posts are traditionally heartfelt and philosophical. ; )

It’s been great fun. ; ) Here we go one last time ; )    

Projected Lineups:

 “The Three Lionesses”—(4-3-3 )

Toni Duggan

Karen Carney                 Fran Kirby

Jill Scott  Jodie Taylor

Fara Williams

C. Rafferty L. Bassett S. Houghton L. Bronze

Karen Bardlsey

 “Nadeshiko”—(4-4-2) 

Shinobu Ohno  Mana Iwabuchi

Aya Miyama                         Yuki Ogimi

Rumi Utsugi  Mizuho Sakaguchi

Aya Sameshima              Saori Ariyoshi

Saki Kumagai  Azusa Iwashimizu

Ayumi Kaihori

THE LINE: England +1 Goal

Prop Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own)

Over/Under—3 Goals   

120 Minutes—Straight Up

Penalty Shootout—Straight Up

GENTLEMEN, ENTER YOUR WAGERS