Meu Nome E Ze Syndicate Members,
Welcome to Round Three. Above you’ll find a second consecutive reference to Fernando Meirelless’s glorious Magnum Opus, “City of God”. If you’ve not yet taken in this 2002 masterpiece, consider your life incomplete. Before souring Netflix for what presently passes as the greatest movie ever made, however, remained tuned in to this fabulously up-tempo tournament. All eight teams have furnished brisk action worthy of the aforementioned sacred film’s soundtrack. (Another tour de force you absolutely MUST check out before I come over to your house and personally chastise you).
Wow. “The Football Apologist’s Handbook” sits in my garage.
Let it gather more dust! No need rummaging around for it. Not when we’re
afforded entertainment of this quality. Round Two featured a pulsating
goal-fest between the Italians and Japanese, a ten-goal über-fiesta from the
defending champs, and a Nigeria vs. Uruguay match enthralling enough to knock
your socks straight off and into the washer. Thus far we’ve witnessed ZERO
draws, ZERO goalless games, and ZERO “Ho-hum fixtures”. It stands to reason
that teams competing in this World-Cup-Dress-Rehearsal play considerably
looser. They take more chances, experiment with more acrobatic moves, and
communicate more fluidly.
I cannot resist the urge to assist the under-privileged in
catching up. Football enthusiasts across the globe will surely agree that the
most intoxicating aspect of “the beautiful game” is collaboration. There’s
nothing quite like witnessing the moment where everything “clicks”.
Zack-zack-zack. When footballers find their synergy, it’s a spectacle to
behold. Watching it on television may be a poor substitute to experiencing it
on the pitch, but it remains a resonant reminder that collaboration CAN be
achieved when all the actors intuitively sense one another’s intentions. It
seems clichéd to talk of teamwork, particularly in an age when the words comes
dangerously close to losing its meaning.
For most people, the word “teamwork” conjures up memories of
kitschy posters hanging on the lame beige wall of your boss’s office. Arially
fonted, the word “teamwork” sits above a picture faceless scullers propelling a
crew-boat across a non-descript lake. Wonderful. We’re all rowing together.
We’re all pulling together. We’re all in this together…even though we’re
significantly poorer than the useless douche who came up with these
posters.
In reality, teamwork requires a bit more effort than
purchasing a tacky poster print from Mike Mart….or so is all too often the case
in the grind of our daily lives. Footballers demonstrate that teamwork can also
be forged more spontaneously. Without further ado, let’s delve into some
examples:
Round Two Highlights
Brazil vs. Mexico
vs. 
Watch as Danny Alves, Hulk and Paulinho fight tirelessly keep the ball in play. The manner in which they tenaciously work the ball away from the right touchline ends up producing a happenstance opportunity. Alves’s cross wasn’t even meant for Neymar, but he was on hand to finish for the 9th minute opening goal. Off the volley, baby!
Watch some more as Luiz Gustavo displays the awareness to
lay off to Neymar after a sparkling individual run that his ego had to be
begging him to finish. The adroit pass may not have produced a goal, but it was
cleverer than going for goal all alone. Finally, watch Neymar unselfishly
square for Jo for the second goal in the 93rd. Watching that replay,
one hasn’t a choice but to marvel at the symbiotic beauty that being aware of
one another can bring.
Italy vs. Japan
vs. 
What a cracking match from start to finish. Seven goals may have been registered on the score sheet, but that might have been doubled had a few more balls bounces fortuitously. History will invariably record the two botched penalty calls, but your friendly bookie has something else to show you.
2-0 down, my (reluctant, as always to admit this)
“motherlanders” converted a lifeline that demonstrated persistent work on the
training pitch. Pirlo and De Rossi doubtless spent hours perfecting their set
piece timing….or De Rossi just knew how to “read” Pirlo’s service. Either way,
the goal that brought the Italians back from the brink exhibited the brilliance
of combined efforts. An own-goal and a penalty later, De Rossi gives the
Italians the lead for good with a sweet chip-cross to Giovinco. He had to keep
his eyes on the ball he was dribbling, but did even better to keep an eye on
his teammate making a parallel run.
Spain vs. Tahiti
vs. 
Which of La Roja’s TEN (!!) goals are worthy of this discussion? How about Silva’s first in the 31st? David Villa might as well have deserved the credit for Spain’s second. His magnificently timed cross left Silva perfectly set up. Villa himself found himself the beneficiary of splendidly-timed Nacho Monreal passes at the end of the first half and the beginning of the second. Enjoy!
Nigeria vs. Uruguay
vs. 
Diego Lugano’s amazing 19th minute opening goal came courtesy of a precision cross from Diego Forlan. The PSG center back doesn’t score without the cheeky little back heel from Edinson Cavani. Watch it in slow motion….then watch it again. That’s how it’s done! Likewise, John Obi Mikel doesn’t score without a sublime first time flick from Ideye Brown. That’s how we play together, gentlemen. Cavani later employs the long switch, finding Forlan for the game winner. No one wins without lateral lay-offs. Here’s hoping you find your teammate soon ; )
Okay. Enough technical talk. Let’s move on to the girls.
Hot Girl Standings
Country
|
Tally
|
Games Played
|
Brazil
|
28
|
2
|
Spain
|
23
|
2
|
Italy
|
18
|
2
|
Nigeria
|
18
|
2
|
Mexico
|
12
|
2
|
Japan
|
9
|
2
|
Uruguay
|
8
|
2
|
Tahiti
|
7
|
2
|
As anticipated, the hosts maintain the lead while the
two-time defending champs nip at their heels. Impressive comeback by two
perennial contenders: “The Azzuri Women” and the “Super Eagle Babes”. Who could
have doubted them? The Mexicans need to stop hiding their women behind masks.
Listless performance from the Japs, but it’s only the Confederation’s Cup. How
much can one really expect?
Ramble On, Vicey
--Nightmare officiating from Diego Albol in Thursday’s Italy
vs. Japan match. To his credit, however, if one wishes to be atrocious, one
might as well be consistently atrocious. Terrible calls on both penalties. At
least each side got an undeserved spot kick.
--Tremendous heart displayed by the Blue Samurai. After
years of doing anything and everything to pick up every last ghostwriting
client up and carry them on his shoulders, your friendly bookie has a new
motto: “Live lionhearted or put a bullet through your worthless skull”. If
you’re not playing like Havenaar, Okazaki, Honda, Endo, Hasebe. and Nagatomo
were playing in those final fifteen minutes, you frankly suck. You suck harder
than Christian Rock. You blow harder than Nancy Reagan. Heart, hustle, and
help. That’s what life is all about. If you’re so insecure that all you do is
talk about what an awesome person you are, kill yourself. No one will miss you.
; )
--Prandelli’s 4-1-4-1 looks to be the formation of the
future….but let’s wait to see how it works without Aquilano and De Rossi.
--We can all do without Ideye Brown’s Mohawk. He can do
without it as well…He and Musa could stand some less nervy finishing.
--Tahitian keeper Mickael Roche….tak…tsk…Pointing to the sky
after Torres missed the 77th minute penalty? God is not on your
side…not when you’re losing 8-o. Quite the moment of poetic justice when Torres
embarrassed you less than a minute later. There is no God. Accept it.
--How does a Polynesian archipelago of 178,000 produce six
unequivocally hot girls? When I figure out the answer to that, I’ll have
mastered the intricacies of collecting and cleaning coconuts.
--Balotelli continues to defy expectations. As if showing up
with a normal haircut wasn’t enough, the A.C. Milan man employed one of the
sleekest stuttersteps you’re ever likely to see when converting that 52nd
minute penalty. I do believe we’ve found a new “Super Mario”.
--Germans have a saying: “Kein Gegner”. It’s what we say
when describing an uncontested match. Okay. It happens to be what my old
landlord Dieter used to say whenever we were watching Germany demolish San
Marino 12-0. The Spain vs. Tahiti match was….well…..you get the idea.
--Looks like Makoto Hasebe’s tournament is over. Now I’m
officially sullen.
--The “ESPN Sports Science” Segments have been fascinating.
If only Javier Hernandez had lived up to their trenchant analysis. ; (
E-mail Riff of the Day
Reader:
How long do you really need to project lineups?
Vicey: * sigh *. That’s the problem with this modern
world. No one (including your friendly bookie himself) has patience anymore.
We’re all terrible people. If only we could operate with some semblance of
understanding
My Updated Stats—
Spread: 4-4
Straight up: 5-2-1
All lines are calculated personally by your friendly bookie
Vicey…..a grumpy Shadow Scholar immediately frustrated by anyone proclaiming to
be something special. The correspondence that follows is, as always, crafted
with sincere amity for those who appreciate sharp wit and an extra spot of fun
in their day. Should you prefer solemnity, drama, and conflict… kindly return
to bragging about how the ability to organize things in an aesthetically
pleasing manner makes you a unique individual.
Saturday
Brazil vs. Italy
vs. Very well, my fellow “motherlanders”. We’ve reached the point in this tournament; the point at which I cease ruthlessly mocking you and begin embracing my heritage. The 4-1-4-1 looks great. Chielleni serves as a magical catalyst. He provides the upfield impetus for Marchisio and Giaccerini. At the striking end, Balotelli is as focused as I’ve ever seen him. Pirlo’s legs may be gone, but he can still service an immaculate delivery off any given set piece. I still don’t see you winning this positioning match. Without the suspended De Rossi on the left flank, the offensive void is simply too large. Alberto Aquilani might be available for deputization, were he not injured. A stunning upset rests in the hands of Alessandro Diamanti. Good luck with that.
THE
LINE: Brazil +1 Goal
Editor’s
retroactive notes:
RESULT: Brazil 4, Italy 2. At long last I Finally
snatched back some of those “pride payments” I had been forced to dole out….or
at the very least recovered the principal. A brace from Fred separated the two
sides after a fiercely-contested match in Salvador.
Despite dominating first half possession, the hosts
weren’t able to translate fluid play into a legitimate scoring threat. Several
injury-related stoppages interrupted the tempo over the first half hour as
Chelsea centerback David Luiz received treatment for a recurrent problem with
his knee and AC Milan midfielder Ricardo Montilivo appeared to be running on a
flt tire. Bayern defender Dante relieved him in the 33rd and the
Samba Kings were able to establish a more regular rhythm.
Neymar remained very technical on the ball in both
improvised attacking and set piece situations. The team finally reaped the
benefits one minute into first half injury time. Neymar swung in his fourth
free kick directly towards the rising Fred, who delivered a forceful effort
that Buffon could only push away. Lurking at the far post, the substitute Dante
pounced on the rebound for his first international goal in four caps. Luiz’s
untimely departure seemed to work out perfectly after all.
The tenor of the fixture remained unchanged after the
restart. Oscar, Fred, and Gustavo worked the middle of the pitch well while
Neymar had no problem exploiting Abate up the left flank. The promising initial
spell of possession produced little beyond some easily toed out clearances from
the patient Azzuri defense, but the run of play suggested a second Brazilian
goal; certainly not what happened next.
All it takes is one moment of brilliance. Harried by
Dante on his back, Balotelli still succeeded in flicking the ball on with the
sole of his foot. The astute pass was ingenious both in an acrobatic sense and
the awareness Balotelli displayed to link up with the surging Giacherreni. The
Sunderland substitute got all of the ball for a potent 51st minute
finish that evened things up.
Neymar answered four minutes thereafter with a lovely
swerving free kick from just outside the 18.
Fred added a cushion in the 66th, obstinately
refusing to allow the back-challenging Gergio Chielleni to dispossess him in
the box. Calmly receiving a cross-field punt, then squared his soulders to fend
off the pesky Italian centerback to finish high and hard against Buffon.
Chielleni pulled one back in the 71st, taking advantage of slack
coverage on the line by A Seleciao Captain Thiago Silva. Uncoordinated
defending in the penalty area after an Antonio Candreva corner saw Chielleni
all alone unmarked in space. His rather tame effort to Cesar’s right should
have been knocked clear, but Silva unexpecteded wilted.
The Azzuri’s last best hope of drawing the match came in
the 80th when Maggio unluckily thumped his well-timed header off the
crossbar. Balotelli did well to get a free kick on target, but otherwise
supplied us with no further divine trickery. Fred rendered the issue moot in
the 89th when he scooped up a palm-stinging rebound of a Marcelo
shot.
Nothing quite like those gambling moments when your team
literally beats the spread in the final minute. ; )
Japan vs. Mexico
vs. Odds-on favorites to salvage some pride? My money’s on the Blue Samurai. Even without Hasebe, they should be able to tally a goal or two against a Mexican back four that looks looser than a Mexican whore. What the hell is up with Salcido and Rodriguez? These two have publicly called for more heart and greater team cohesion. In spite of their strident words, they’re unable to produce anything noteworthy on this pitch. Actually…I can relate. A writer often speaks in boisterous tones, yet can’t match the enterprising initiative of his own words…..dammit. Japan is still the favorite. Maeda and Honda drive harder than a drunken Kraut on the road to Ettlingen.
THE
LINE: Japan +1 Goal
Editor’s
retroactive notes:
RESULT: Mexico 2, Japan 1. Had another more enthralling
match taken place simultaneously, this one would have qualified as well above
average. F. Javier Rodriguez took a seat while Javier “Chicirito” Hernandez shined
with a brace. Jose Manuel de la Torre knew that El Tri couldn’t mathematically
advance out of the group. He thus used the opportunity to take a good look and
second-stringers Diego Reyes and Jesus Zavala. Zaccheroni stuck to his big guns
in an effort to obtain a moral victory.
The Blue Samurai surely showed enough early motivation.
They pinned El Tri back in their own end with steady pressure. Hajime Hosogai
believed he had earned a 9th minute penalty, but German ref Felix
Byrch was having none of it. Seconds later Okazaki thought he had the opening
goal, but the assistant’s flag was up. Following these two questionable
decisions, the Mexicans settled down to take control of the half’s duration.
Andres Guardado had Kawashima beat with a fantastic diving header in the 40th,
but the ball caromed off the near post to keep the encounter goalless.
The altogether entertaining fixture kicked into higher
gear once a participant added his name to the scoresheet. We didn’t have to
wait long into the second half. Nine minutes to be precise Andres Guardado
linked up spectacularly with his center forward Chicharito for a sublimely
headed goal that defined top class football. Twelve minutes later it was
Chicharito again capitalisizing on a fine laterally headed ball from Hiram Mier
following a Giovani dos Santos corner. The Manchester United international
secured his brace via another headed goal.
Zaccheroni introduced Uchida and then Yoshida in an all
out effort to stack his back four with the most offensive minded players
possible. The substitutes diverted enough attention to free up Kurihara and Konno,
the later of whom would have scored in the 78th had backup Mexican
keeper Guilermo Ochoa not been at the top of his game. Even Ochoa’s fine form
couldn’t keep out Okazaki’s effort in the 86th, however. Kagawa
chipped in a precise ball that Yasuhito Endo side-footed first time over to
Okazaki for the sweeping finish.
Attempts to gain an equalizer only resulted in more
chances for El Tri off the break. In one such instance, Uchida’s legs tangled
as Chicharito locked on to a clearance and sprinted towards goal. Hernandez was
denied his Hat Trick first by Kawashima on the ensuing penalty and then by the
crossbar as the Japanese keeper’s spectacular save still spilled a rebound. A
third goal would have proven immaterial anyway as it was already the 93rd
minute.
Sunday
Nigeria vs. Spain
vs. Flying high after their clockwork demolition of the Polynesian Pretenders, we can expect La Roja to have their “confidence balloon” popped in the first twenty minutes. The real question is: Will Keshi’s boys prove adept enough to take full advantage of this window of opportunity?
Errrrrrm. Quite possibly. Ideye, Ogude, and Mikel will
certainly benefit from increased confidence. Oboabona, Echielije, and Omeruo
just had a great game too. “But Still”. What about the confidence of Torres,
Silva, and Villa? Del Bosque did well to trot out his “B-Team” against the
Tahitians. He’ll do even better to start the soaring Torres, Silva, and Villa
in place of Fabregas, Pedro, and Iniesta. We’ll see. It’s one of those games
that can’t be handicapped without the lineups. It’s also one of those games
that can’t get here soon enough ; )
THE
LINE: Spain +1 Goal
Editor’s
retroactive notes:
RESULT: Spain 3, Nigeria 0. A third minute opening goal
from Jordi Alba demolished the whole “confidence bubble” theory before this
Shadow Scholar could crack a beer. The Barcelona Left Back took on three
defenders in the slot, ignoring the wide open Roberto Soldado and Pedro
Rodriguez to his right. Had the ultimate outcome been different, one might have
expected him to earn del Bosque’s ire. No castigation was in order, however, as
the slick and speedy little Barca native outmaneuvered all three of his
challengers and flung in a fine finish past Enyeama.
The Super Eagles produced nothing memorable in response.
The only other chance of note in the half came shortly before the break when
Cesc Fabregas struck the post. Contrary to the amateur advice elucidated above,
del Bosque sat Torres, Silva, and Villa. This notwithstanding, they remained
part of his gameplan. He subbed them in early and at obviously premeditated
intervals; Silva in the 54th, Torres in the 60th, and
Villa in the 75th.
Torres tallied in his third minute on the pitch following
a brilliant set up from Pedro. Silva snuck through an incisive pass for Pedro
on the left flank. Pedro then first timed a brilliant square cross that Torres
dove to emphatically head home. Fourteen minutes later Mohammed Gambo blew it
big time, sending a simple scoring chance centimeters past the far post and effectively
squelching any hopes Keshi’s lads had of getting back into the match. Villa
linked up with Alba in the 88th to seal the deal. Alba slipped
completely past the defense and collected Villa’s long-range punt onside. With
40 yards to run and only the keeper to beat, the man of the match coolly put a
bow on it with a sublime run, a textbook deke, and a tap-in finish.
Tahiti vs. Uruguay
vs. No time to waste on this meaningless matchup. The only thing a humble bookie must determine is how many goals La Celeste will win by.
THE
LINE: Uruguay +4 Goals
Editor’s
retroactive notes:
RESULT: Uruguay 8, Tahiti 0. Enough Syndicate members
caught on to the malfeasance associated with this line to steal some secure
money from their friendly bookie. Little unique to report on with respect to
this slaughter. The Sky Blue Backups ran roughshod over the coconut collectors
to mercifully end their first (and most likely last) foray in the harsh world
of professional INTL Football tournaments. Goals are always fun to describe.
When they happen to be the ONLY thing to describe….let’s just get this over
with.
Palmero striker Abel Hernandez headed in a corner barely
one minute after kickoff. With a flick and a trick he had himself a brace 22 minutes
later. Diego Perez’s header hit the post three minutes later, but he
tenaciously chased down the rebound for the third goal. Hernandez collected his
Hat Trick in first half injury time as he streaked past a defense that had
already all but quit.
The Iron Warriors continued to play as if they had
already boarded the flight home. Despite saving an early first-half penalty,
they were able to make nothing out of a man advantage after Uruguayan left back
Andres Scotti was sent off on double yellows in the 51st. Instead,
they lost their own man when Teheivarii was rightly sent off in the 60th
and Nicholas Lodeiro added the fifth goal off the ensuing corner.
In a match strewn with bookings, Uruguay were given
another chance from the spot in the 67th. Hernandez converted for
his fourth goal. Just for shits and giggles, Uruguayan coach Oscar Tabarez
introduced Luis Suarez in the 69th. This arguably unsportsmanlike
move allowed the Sky Blue to run up the score to 8-0 when the über-talented
first-stringer managed to grab a brace in the closing 20 minutes. Assholes. ; (
; (
GENTLEMEN,
ENTER YOUR WAGERS
