Na Ruda, Na Chuva, Na Fazenda Syndicate Members,
Anyone who has not yet seen “City of God” needs to obtain a copy post haste! It’s not available at your local Redbox. You won’t find it in your town’s “Mom & Pop Video Rental”…if such a storefront still exists where you live. Just see the damn movie….it’s Roger Ebert’s dying wish.
An oblique reference to the Favelas leads us to a fantastic
segue for today’s “e-mail riff”
E-mail Riff of the Day
(Female)
Reader: Instead of counting “Hot Girls”, why don’t you address the Brazilian
Protests?
Vicey: It would be my great pleasure ; ). Don’t let my
love of the puerile fool you. I’m actually an entirely too well read individual
who wastes an inordinate amount of time reading newspapers. I keep myself
über-informed, much to the detriment of anything resembling a social life. Not
only am I aware of Latin American Political Activists, I make it my business to
write about them:
From “WBC 2013: Round Four”:
--One
piece of writing I can link to is the fascinating vlog of Chilean activist
Camila Vallejo. Here’s a Guardian article that will take you all the way to the
Promised Land:
Yes,
I’m attracted to her. That doesn’t mean she’s not a genius!
Your friendly bookie obstinately refuses to be a shallow
individual, no matter the costs may be ; ) While we’re all engaged in the
frivolous exercise of watching football, everyone should pay heed to the
legitimate grievances of those in lands that lack social justice. You may point
out that the U.S. also lags behind when it comes to “Social Justice”, but
that’s nothing more than a moot point. Whatever tribulations you face, it
doesn’t compare to the challenges a full third of the world must deal with.
Poverty sucks. I can attest to that. Nevertheless, “abject poverty” sucks even
more. Imagine not knowing when your next meal will come.
The people of Brazil rise up in reasonable and rational
opposition to policies that affect their daily lives. The movement began as a
simple gathering of voices opposed to an increase in transit fees. Confronted
with the opulence of the Confederations Cup, ordinary citizens understandably
wondered why all of these ornate new stadiums were being erected directly in
their faces. The World Cup may bring a hoard of tourism dollars, but will the
money be adequately re-distributed?
Brazilians have had to put up with far too much wasteful
nonsense. After Lula’s departure, the Rousseff administration has been plagued
by one scandal after another. The manner in which corrupt government officials
aggrandize and enrich themselves constitutes a personal affront to all those
who seeking to make a living in an unfair society. Rousseff herself is a former
Guerilla Commander who spent years in prison fighting for the same rights that
the protesters currently reach for.
The moral of the whole sordid tale is as follows: Life
remains unfair. My Syndicate Members know this. The key is to remain humble,
even in the face of improbable success When Rouseff addressed the nation; she
reminded everyone that peaceful protests were completely acceptable. She also
promised to invest all of the World Cup income in the “Bolsa Familia Program”.
Time will tell if that promise will be fulfilled, but the words sounded sincere
in any case. Brasilia my full permission (as if that means anything) to rise up
in protest just as the South Africans did in 2010 and 2013. It’s not cool to
have people celebrate a manufactured carnival on your doorstep ;)
Sorry to be the arrogant Westerner seeking escape from his
First World Problems. I just love football. Love your movement too….
Editor’s
retroactive notes:
….and you can plan on reading more of this as our summer
tradition continues. Sorry, young Brazilians. If you wish to know what life was
like under a REAL dictatorship…ask your parents.
Hot Girl Standings
Country
|
Tally
|
Games Played
|
Brazil
|
51
|
3
|
Mexico
|
42
|
3 (finished)
|
Spain
|
30
|
3
|
Uruguay
|
29
|
3
|
Italy
|
23
|
3
|
Japan
|
23
|
3 (finished)
|
Nigeria
|
23
|
3 (finished)
|
Tahiti
|
16
|
3 (finished)
|
We went from the apex known as the “perfect segue” to the
superficial nadir known as “I’d like to poke hat bitch”. Sorry, again, for the
awkward transition. Quite the “Photo Finish” we have shaping up.
Goodbyes Section.
Nigeria (3 games played, 7 goals, 23 Hot Girls)
It’s a sentimental farewell for our beloved “Super Eagles”, but by no means was it unanticipated. As this bookie augured in his preview section, Keshi possessed almost no intent to make the knockout stages. This was blatantly evidenced by his squad selection. The “Real-Deal Super Eagles” whom we will ideally behold next Summer include Premiership stars Uche, Emmenike, Uzoenyi, Igiebor, and Obiriah. Don’t let this team’s atrocious finishing in this tournament fool you. They’ll return with the “Top Guns” in eleven months time.
Learning the names and back-stories of the debutants proved
a fascinating exercise indeed. One couldn’t help but root for players like
Ujah, Akpala, Gambo, Omeruo,
Babatunde and Oduamadi as they fought like hell to prove themselves on
what for them was a much grander stage. How did everyone do? So glad you asked.
I’ve been dying to tell you!
Omeruo appeared the incontrovertible “weakest link” in
Keshi’s back four. I sincerely doubt will be seeing him at Stamford Bridge
anytime soon. Keshi’s centre-backs did a deplorable job keeping the defensive
line tight. Were it not for the heroic antics of Vincent Enyeama, the “Super
Eagles” might have suffered even more humiliating lopsided losses to La Celeste
and La Roja. Keshi’s top priority moving forward will be to sort out the
absolute mess at the back. Fullbacks Ambrose and Echiejile roam far too much
for their own good. While their admirable offensive ambitions prove for some
entertaining football, they set a bad example for centre-backs Omeruo and
Oboabona. This duo repeatedly attempted to emulate the fullbacks, abandoning
their posts with reckless abandon. It thus came as no surprise that virtually
every goal scored against the African Champions left your bookie screaming “Get
back! Get Back!” at his inanimate television set.
Only the truly skilled can execute precision tackling after
scrambling to catch up with the line. As a terrible tackler myself, I take no
pleasure in being so hard on Omeruo and Oboabona ; ( ; (. The fact remains,
their poor-positioning, haphazard attempts to stick a leg out, and hesitance to
employ the slid tackle ended up costing me a nice chunk of change ; (. Dammit.
Fix the back four, Keshi! You were once a solid stay-at-home defensemen, were
you not? At the very least give Kwambe and Benjamin some playing time!
Didn’t see all that much of Egwuekwe or Babatunde, but it
would be fair to say that they made their contribution to this tournament’s
defensive nightmare. On the offensive side of the pitch, Nnamdi Oduamadi made a
strong case for his permanent inclusion with a splendid Hat Trick against the
Tahitians. A.C. Milan will be calling him back soon. Mohammed Gambo, Ujah and
Joseph Akpala all came within a few seconds of indecisiveness of some truly
memorable goals. No question they’ve got speed, touch, and talent. All they
lack is a bit of poise. Such a shame that nerves got the better of them. Ideye
Brown, Ogude, and Mba have no such excuses. They know how to convert. What the
hell happened?
John Obi Mikel the lone goalscorer in competitive matches?
Who could have predicted that? The 26-year-old defensive midfielder hasn’t
scored for Chelsea since 2007! Weird and wild stuff. It still counts as
fantastic news. Watch as the Nigerian Captain parlays his confidence into a
great club season and returns next Summer ready to lead this team all the way
to the quarterfinals. Can’t wait to see these lads back in action. With
qualification essentially assured, all we have to do is sit back and wait.
Goodbye, “Super Eagles”. I’ll miss you madly.
Editor’s
retroactive notes:
Mexico (3 games played, 3 goals, 42 Hot Girls)
Jose Manuel de la Torre looks to keep his job…for now. He might as well get used to having a toasty ass, however, as he’ll remain on the hot seat throughout the Fall. Javier Hernandez (or “Chichirito”) cannot carry this squad all by his lonesome. We witnessed some legitimate signs of life from Pablo Barrera and Giovanni dos Santos, but Hernandez still needs a partner. De La Torre rolled out a 4-2-3-1, a 4-4-1-1, and a 4-2-3-1 in his respective matches. Nothing came close to working until he called Raul Jimenez up front to assist Hernandez after halftime in the Japanese fixture.
Someone needs to be on hand to “spring” Hernandez when he
makes his blitzing runs. Torrado is simply too old. Jimenez represents one
option, but Aquino or Zavala remain better ones. Hell, it might even prove
prudent to give Moreno a shot in midfield. The Espanyol Talisman can serve as a
dependable and efficient flight director even in central defense.
Despite the fact that El Tri are currently fighting for
their lives in CONCACAF Qualifying, grounds for optimism abound. The team
undeniably improved with each match. Keeper Jose de Jesus Corona had another
great tournament. Guillermo Ochoa didn’t do half bad either. Francisco Javier
Rodriguez was nothing if not stellar. Salcido, deputized all over the pitch,
proved himself versatile and consistently effective.
CONCACAF Qualifying resumes on September 6th. De
la Torre requires a big win against the Hondurans or he’s fired. He has less
than three months to figure out how to best augment Hernandez’s fine form.
Consider that time enough. It’s highly likely that the Aztec Warriors will join
us next Summer. This bookie is now 90 percent certain.
Editor’s
retroactive notes:
When de la Torre finally got the ax, I remained one among
many wondering what in the Baja-loafing-fuck took so goddamned long.
Japan (3 games played, 4 goals, 23 Hot Girls)
Kersplat…what a disappointment; (As hard as it may be to believe, the Japanese have ALREADY qualified for 2014, so it’s a forgone conclusion that we’ll see them again. In the meantime, I wish to proffer Alberto Zaccheroni some amateurish advice:
1) Stick with the 3-4-3. Okazaki, Honda, and Kagawa NEED to
play together up front.
2) See if you can’t partner Hosogai and Hasebe together in
central midfield. The “Bundesliga Brothers” seem capable of engineering a
“quick cut” short-passing game that rivals only del Bosque’s “el ticky-tacky”
in terms of tiring out one’s opponents.
3) Oh man does Hiroki Sakai ever look good ; ) He may play
for Hannover, but he’s charged and he has heart. Start him at Right Fullback.
4) Nagatomo or Nakamura? It’s a fair question. The aged
Nakamura should move to the back while the peaking Nagatomo moves forward. It’s
just an idea. ; )
5) Ditch Havenaar and make Honda a permanent striker. The
CSKA Moscow forward is simply too hungry to ignore.
6) Hire Kawaguchi to mentor Kawashima. It’ll be beneficial
for both sides.
7) Find a German club for Maeda. He may be
31-years-of-age…so that means he’ll have to play for Schalke. Big deal. Show up
prepared for 2014 with a crew that plays against one another in the same
league. It’ll work. Trust me.
That’s all she wrote, Blue Samurai. Can’t wait to see you
guys tear it up next Summer ; )
Editor’s
retroactive notes:
Poor Hasebe. Nothing sucks quite like languishing for FC
Nürnberg. Okazaki has really taken off at Mainz. Hosogai holds his ground.
Nagatoma appears to have won the battle, now and forever more. Havenaar has
indeed been ditched. All signs point to Honda being made a permanent striker,
at least in terms of the national team. It matters not who has been mentoring
Kawashima. He’s back as Zaccheroni’s #1 for good or for ill. Maeda never made
it to Germany, or to Brazil. Understandable. It was merely a random
postulation.
Tahiti (3 games played, 1 goal, 16 Hot Girls)
I’m not ashamed to be remiss. Really looking forward to NEVER thinking about this country or its team again. Pop that champagne cork. Goodbye and good-riddance.
My Updated Stats—
Spread: 4-8
Straight up: 7-4-1
Yikes. Those stats suck. What doesn’t suck (at least not
unconditionally) are my Group Stage Predictions:
From “CC 2013: Judgment Play”:
Vicey’s
Fearless Group Prediction (2 to 1 odds for bookie):
1) Brazil 
2) Japan 
3) Italy 
4)
Mexico 
Actual Results:
1)
Brazil
2)
Italy
3)
Mexico
4) Japan
From “CC 2013: Judgment Play”:
Vicey’s
Fearless Group Prediction (2 to 1 odds for bookie):
1) Spain 
2)
Uruguay 
3)
Nigeria 
4)
Tahiti 
Actual Results:
1) Spain
2)
Uruguay
3)
Nigeria
4)
Tahiti
Close enough. Prandelli and the boys continue to amaze.
All lines are calculated personally by your friendly bookie
Vicey…..a certifiable loser by societal standards. The correspondence that
follows is, as always, crafted with sincere amity for those who appreciate
sharp wit and an extra spot of fun in their day. Should you prefer solemnity,
drama, and conflict… kindly return to worrying whether you’re the “biggest
loser” or the “a loser of second-tier status”.
Wednesday
Brazil vs. Uruguay
vs. This is a match of great historical significance. It was back in 1950 that Pelé watched Uruguay defeat Brazil in the Championship Match with his father. His father began sobbing after the 2-1 defeat. Like any worthwhile son, he consoled his father and assured him that he would win a World Cup for him. He would bring the trophy back to Brazil. After West Germany improbably won the 1954 Title, Pelé made good on his promise with two consecutive titles in 1958 and 1962. Uruguay would never again trouble the mighty Brazilians. They won’t trouble them here either.
Scolari has too many options. He can place Neymar up front
alongside Fred and Hulk. He can start Fred as the lone striker with Oscar
backing him up on the short side. He can any number of things with Paulinho and
Gustavo in midfield. Floran, Suarez, and Cavani will have difficulty
penetrating Danny Alvez, Silva, and Ruiz.
Er…..isn’t it funny how one has difficulty writing sentences
that utilize the verb “to penetrate” without giggling immaturely?
Projected Lineups:
“The Samba Kings” (4-2-1-2-1)
Fred
|
Neymar Hulk
|
Oscar
|
Gustavo Marcelo Luiz Silva Alves
Paulinho
|
Cesar
|
“La Celste” (4-4-2)
Edinson Cavani
Luiz Suarez
|
Cristian Rodriguez
Diego Forlan Maxi Peirera
Edgido Arevalo
|
Martin Caceres Diego Godin Diego Lugano Andres Scotti
|
Fernando Muslera
|
Prop Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own):
Over/Under ---4 Goals
120 Minutes— 2 to 1
Penalty Shootout—3 to 1
THE
LINE: Brazil +2 Goals
Editor’s
retroactive notes:
RESULT: Brazil 2, Uruguay 1. It proved quite entertaining
from start to finish. Every bit the spectacle one anticipated from arguably the
world’s two most intriguingly inconsistent superpowers. The above ruminations
were cute to a point. Let’s talk about the match.
An egregiously dumb foul from David Luiz led to a 13th
minute penalty that Diego Forlan aberrantly elected to shoot low. Wrong choice.
Shooting low always gives the keeper a 50-50 chance. Fred opened the scoring in
the 41st with an athletic finish off a rebound. Cavani equalized
three minutes after the restart when Marcelo offered a pathetic tackle just shy
of the right hash mark well inside the 18.
Cavani came close to a brace twelve minutes later, but he
could only screw his deflected shot off the wrong side of the far post. Just
when we thought we were headed for 120 minutes, Pauliho rose to head home a
Neymar corner in the 86th. Correctly challenging a corner is no
small thing ; )
Thursday
Italy vs. Spain
vs. Party’s over, Wops. You’re not going anywhere. Giacherenni’s brilliance and Chielleni’s flopping aside, you can’t possibly hope to thrust past Ramos, Pique, and Alba. Hehehehe. “thrust past”. Writing about sports often leaves one with little choice but to employ sexual innuendo. It’s not my fault. I swear it! “Penetrate” the wall. “Thrust” through to the ultimate destination. “Score”…as the kids today put it. IT’S NOT MY FAULT. Not my fault that most attack formations are phallic and most defense formations are vaginal. NOT MY FAULT!
Anyway, del Bosque will likely deploy Pedro and Soldado in
tandem. Torres will be introduced around the 60th minute to close
the deal. Beware, Wops. Closing time.
Projected Lineups:
“La Roja” (4-3-3)
Fabregas Soldado Pedro
|
Iniesta Busquests
Xavi Hernandez
|
Jordi Alba
Gerrard Pique Sergio Ramos Alvaro Arbeola
|
Iker
Casillas
|
“The Azzurri” (4-2-3-1)
Mario Balotelli
|
Daniel De Rossi Claudio Marchisio
|
Alberto Aquilani Ricardo Montolivo Emmanuele Giacherrini
|
Mattia De Sciglio Girogio Chiellini Leonardo Bonnucci
Ignazio Abate
|
Gianluigi Buffon
|
Prop Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own):
Over/Under ---5 Goals
120 Minutes—Straight up
Penalty Shootout—2 to 1
THE
LINE: Spain +3 Goals
GENTLEMEN,
ENTER YOUR WAGERS
Editor’s
retroactive notes:
RESULT: Spain 1, Italy 0 (a.e.t 7-6 PSO). Just couldn’t
separate these two sides. 120 minutes wasn’t enough. Twelve consecutive
converted penalties wasn’t enough. At the end of the night one had the
impression that we might as well have flipped a coin.
Del Bosque deployed a 4-3-3 with a distinctive “V Shape”
that canceled out Prandelli’s attacking-minded 4-2-4-1. With the other
attackers successfully absorbed, only wingers Maggio and Giacherreni were able to gain traction early on.
On two occasions Giacherenni floated lateral crosses Maggio’s way and the
Napoli midfielder headed in efforts on target. The latter link-up, in the 17th,
was simply gorgeous. Giacherreni pulled back inside the left-hand corner of the
box and the trailing Maggio timed his run perfectly. A forceful diving header
was the end result, but Casillas somehow managed to stand tall. The pair pulled
off something similar in the 36th. Nothing much doing at the other
end and the twin Azzuri flankers dominated first half proceedings. Torres found
himself in space late on, but wasted his opportunity by screwing a shot wide.
Despite the fact that his team clearly enjoyed the better
of first half chances, Prandelli was the one compelled to make halftime
adjustments. He replaced centerback Andrea Barzagli with midfielder Ricardo
Montilivo. De Rossi was deputized to drop back into the defensive corps in a
highly unorthodox 3-4-2-1. Del
Bosque responded by pulling David Silva in favor of Jesus Navas in the 53rd.
Navas got an effort in on Buffon when he was still fresh-legged, but other than
that the two tactical substitutions yielded little beyond midfield deadlock for
the duration of the second half.
Things picked up considerable in extra time. Maggio
refused to give into exhaustion. His quality possession play in the 93rd
lead to a glorious opportunity for Giacherreni, who cannoned a shot that
slammed off the left post. Six minutes later L Roja’s Jordi Alba came within
inches of scoring with a strong effort just over the bar. The Spaniards came
closest to scoring in the second half of extra time when Xavi rifled in a
tracer bullet from 45 yards out that Buffon fingertipped off the right post.
The rebound fell to Javi Martinez, who shuffled just millimeters in front of a
wide open Juan Mata waiting at the left post.
To penalties we went. As spectactular as Buffon had been
in the second period of extra time, he couldn’t stop Xavi, Iniesta, Pique,
Ramos, Mata, and Busquets from ALL
finding the back of the net with their spot kicks. Casillas proved similarly
ineffective. Candreva, Aquilani, De Rossi, Giovinco, Pirlo, and Montolivo all
beat him. That hard-luck goat turned out to be Bonucci, whose lapse of
concentration saw him overpower his effort over. The lucky hero turned out to
be Navas, who converted Spain’s seventh to set up the dream final.
