Mwerrang Awelheyel Syndicate Members?
Yeah…a little Aboriginal to kick things off. Why Not? It was
merely a week ago that your friendly bookie offered proactive apologies for
what looked like a dull affair featuring three mediocre nations and a bunch of
Gulf States that no one would be able to tell apart. This tourney has thus far
exceeded all expectations. Sixteen matches complete and we’ve not witnessed a
single draw.In case you missed it, the Aussies, Emiratis, Saudis, and Japs have put on their own respective good shows. The race for the Golden Boot shapes up to be a nifty one indeed, with Keisuke Honda, Ahmed Khalil and Ali Mabkhout tailing this Jordanian character who came out of nowhere to net FOUR in a single match against the Palestinians.
Plenty of drama on tap as we head into Round Three. Five of
the eight Quarterfinal spots have been secured. Of the five countries
definitely headed to the Knockout Phase, only China has secured seeding. The
remaining seven countries will duke it out to either top their group or snatch
one of those three remaining tickets to the next round. Looks to be a great
finish. Fun stuff.
Such a pity, but we were never going to be able to devote
adequate resources to the Asian Continental Championship. Why? Because the African
Cup of Nations is about to kick off!! Juchu! We’re due in Equatorial Guinea
before dawn’s early light, gentlemen. It’s going to be some evening for your
exhausted friendly bookie. If anyone needs me after it’s all said and done,
I’ll be passed out on my keyboard for a few hours. No worries. I’ll eventually
come to and accept your wagers. Just give me a power nap before it’s time to go
back to work. I’ll be in touch shortly thereafter. ; ) ; )
Accordingly, it’s about time we got a move on.
No time for a mailbag tonight, gentlemen. Rest assured that
your high-quality riffs are all stored in a special file. We’ll get to all you
inspired smart asses soon ; ) ; ) You will receive recognition….and betting
credits ; )
My Updated Stats
Spread: 9-7
Straight Up: 13-2-1
This has been a brilliant comeback for the independent
oddsmaker. Feeling like a young man again, even if the guy in the mirror is
beginning to look significantly worse naked. Ugh. Sorry for the turn off
ladies, but it will happen to your man eventually too.
A
SYNDICATE CLASSIC
Never too tired to pad these posts with a bit of nostalgia.
Bet you didn’t know that your Syndicate covered the 2013 World Baseball
Classic! It’s okay if you forgot. I actually forgot I wrote it myself. Here’s a
collection of classic rants to get everyone fired up for Film Festival Season.
From WBC 2013—Round Three:
Holå
Syndicate Members,
Welcome
to the lugubrious demise of your friendly bookie’s innocent proclivities. It
doesn’t get much worse. The Italians are undefeated. The Dutch find themselves
in the pole position. What a nightmare. Were there ever a time for the U.S.
squad to emerge as “Heroes of the Game”, it would be this Friday evening. Your
friendly bookie keeps an eye on this vital encounter even as he types these
very words. He does so whilst simultaneously listening to the rude Trance DJs
who insist upon interrupting his "high-energy power music”. Tonight’s
doomed attempt at multitasking notwithstanding, tomorrow’s lines must be set so
as to accommodate bettors who wish to get wagers in before the wee hours are
upon us.
We
must proceed…..after the concerted effort to compose a “Rambling Section” has
been attempted:
--Anyone
interested in the Nuclear Power Debate should definitively check out “Pandora’s
Promise”. The ideals of this iconoclastic film ultimately do a fine job of
concealing their asymmetrical portrayal….if that makes any sense. In any event,
the film should be accorded “must see” status for any of my German friends
currently considering whether they should once again lie down on the railroad
tracks. Just see it, guys. “Leid und Demütigung wurde von Niemanden verlangt.”
--Is
the Lehman Bankruptcy over yet? Evidently not. Someone needs to explain to me
how General Motors exits Chapter 11 in a few short months while the bank that
triggered a global financial collapse is still in court. Was it U.S. Government
Assistance? Impossible. We all know that the government cannot possibly do
anything right…even when it actually does.
--Apropos
decent movies, Columbia Missouri recently hosted Year Ten of its very own
homegrown True/False Film Festival. I won’t bore you with all of the minutiae.
A Midwest Documentary Film Fest hardly qualifies as Sundance or Berlinalé I
won’t pester you with obscure Docs….save for this one final exception. “After
Tiller” qualifies as a “Must See” If you only see one documentary film on third
trimester abortions this year, I recommend this one. Until seeing this film, I
often wished I were dumped in the “Baby Klappe”. Now I finally understand how
painful a “wanted pregnancy” can be.
--No
rambling section would be complete without some up-to-the-minute assessments of
the latest works of Allain de Botton. The prolific writer is up to no good
again. Last year he kept far too many of us enthralled with his latest
blockbuster, “Religion for Atheists”. The follow-up, “How to Think more about
Sex”, has this commentator convinced that he’s found a Proust for the present
age. De Botton’s genius lies in his ability to convey deeply existential
concepts in a pleasurably readable narrative. If only us amateurs could hope to
attain such a level.
--To
the citizens of L.A.:
$5 for
the megalith rock. Do we have a deal? I pay you $5 and some 4,000 citizens
don’t get tax breaks. Everybody wins.
--Chavez’s
death raises some serious questions. Namely, why are we paying attention to a
passing (however sensational it my be) instead of trying to replicate Brazil’s
Bolsa Familia Program? How truly it sucks when South America’s lessons fail to
reach us.
--As I
recall, there was something I read about the Danish Parliament that really
pissed me off last week…but I can’t for life of me remember what it was.
--Over at:
You too
can insist that “Iron Sky” be released in the States.
--The
Chick-Fil-A President never pissed me off. He might have been a bigot, but the
“Eat More Chicken” Advertising Campaign left me craving some foul. If anyone
else is ready for the “Eat More Pussy” Advertising Campaign, I’ll get a few
T-Shirts printed up. So the guy is against Gay Marriage. So what? I’m
pro-gay-sex, pro-gay marriage, AND pro-fried chicken. Is there anything wrong
with such a stance?
--Amid
all of the talk concerning “America’s Missing Middle Class”, I beseech anyone
dumb enough to listen to consider “Africa’s Missing Middle Class”. Seriously,
no. We’ve got a problem….and it extends beyond South Africa’s “Pistourius and
his Platinum Blonde” problem. In Nigeria, Lesotho, Botswana, Namibia….fuck
it….in any sub-Saharan African country, the wealth disparity remains
embarrassingly bad. Here in the States, we insist upon adhering to primitive
economic theory. Across the Atlantic, primitive economic theory yields
primitive results.
--Time
to declare India’s “Tata Motors” officially dead. Early enthusiast or no….the
sales just didn’t catch fire like we hoped. Some of the cars caught fire, but
that doesn’t mean they were sold. Perhaps now might be the time for the world’s
largest legitimate democracy to start considering a public transportation plan.
--“’Nudge’
vs. ‘Freakonomics’“. “Nudge” wins…..barely. Only just slightly. Look…both were
great books. It was one helluva fight. In the end there can be only one. Sorry
to be so blunt, but behavioral economics can be easily reduced to “How to best
punch someone else in the Solar Plexus”
--A
recent study suggests that Koreans and Germans pick the most secure website
passwords. Forgive me for being cynical. Choose whatever password you like. No
one cares. Stop pretending as if you matter. Stop now.
Let’s hurry up and
rank these countries.
1)
Australia (Previously #1)
ADVANCING
Eight goals in two games. Such stats speak for themselves.
They even dominated without captain Mile Jedinak. Thirty-two-year old Matt
McKay is turning tricks for this team. There’s hot, there’s “on fire”, then
there’s a washed up dinosaur playing like a bionic mech. Even Leverkusen’s
Robbie Kruse is getting in on the fun. No stopping this 4-3-3 at the moment.
They’re having a blast steamrolling anyone who dares challenge them on their
home pitch.
2)
U.A.E. (Previously #2)
ADVANCING
No big changes up top. Ali Mabkhout simply won’t be
denied. Twenty seconds in the Bahrain match he had his third tournament goal.
The Princes of Persia should be scared indeed.
3)
Iran (Previously #3)
ADVANCING
The U.A.E. match likely has Queiroz up all night staring at
the ceiling. Luckily, he has Sardar Azmoun. Who the hell needs “Gooch” when
you’ve got this phenom? Reza can come off the bench!
4)
Saudi Arabia (Previously #13)
Our first major shift. One has to give Al-Sahlawi credit for
the brilliant brace, even if it came against soft competition. The
Quarterfinals haven’t officially been secured, but they will be soon enough.
5)
South Korea (Previously #7)
ADVANCING
Slowly but surely, the Taeguks are getting into gear. Cha Du
Ri and Ki-Sung Yeoung are gaining confidence and embarking on more forward
runs. They’re getting there. They’ll get there.
6)
China PR (Previously #6)
ADVANCING
Well done, Team Dragon. Nice comeback victory. Welcome back
to the quarters for the first time since 2004!
7)
Japan (Previously #4)
If the Taeguks are stalking better form, the Blue Samurai
are headed in the absolute wrong direction. I tried to warn everyone.
From Round Two:
4)
Japan
Why aren’t they ranked higher after the 5-0 rout in
Newcastle? For starters, the Blue Samurai summarily failed to dominate for the
full 90. After that questionable penalty cracked the match wide open, the Japs
threw it back into cruise control for the duration. Not remaining in high gear
remains forgivable, but other worrying signs manifested themselves in the wee
hours of this morning.
Apart from the early goal, Innui and Endo appear lost in
what looks to be a slightly modified 4-1-4-1. Hasebe’s distribution isn’t as
crisp as one might expect. A more talented squad can be expected to take
advantage of his unfamiliarity with his midfielders. They simply didn’t look in
sync. Plenty of time to rectify matters. Your friendly bookie will hold off on
the Upset Button for now, but don’t expect a lopsided result against the “Lions
of Mesopotamia”.
Another god-awful performance in which they met my precise
line. This team is in trouble. They won’t repeat.
8)
Jordan (Previously #10)
Who in the hell is Hamza Al-Dardour? I can’t honestly tell
you, gentlemen, other than that he won’t be playing in Saudi Arabia very much
longer. After netting FOUR goals in 81 minutes on the pitch in Melbourne, he’ll
have a European contract come summer.
Perhaps I won’t be writing this team’s goodbyes section this weekend
after all.
9)
Iraq (Previously #5)
Still in good shape. They could have used (not to mention
deserved) a draw against the Japs, but all they have to do is take care of business
against the Palestinians and they’re home free. Consider it a lock.
10)
Uzbekistan (Previously #8)
Off the rails we go. They’re finished. Time to go drink with
the Dagestanis. Maybe invite the Cossacks over for a round too.
11)
Kuwait (Previously #15)
ELIMINATED
Better, but no nearly good enough. They had their 25 minutes
of glory. Now they have a meaningless match and one last day at the Breakfast
Buffet.
12)
Bahrain (Previously #12)
ELIMINATED
John Okwunwanne’s goal was a fine header of a ball. Can
someone tell me why he isn’t playing for Nigeria?
13)
Qatar (Previously #14) ELIMINATED
They managed to hold their own against the Iranians for a
hot minute. The other 89 minutes, however, illustrated why it’s time to hit up
the Duty Free Shop and board that plane immediately.
14)
Oman (Previously #11)
ELIMINATED
One just knew they stood zero chance. Kudos on the 4-0
drubbing. Go home and eat some Ruhkal.
15)
Korea DPR (Previously #9)
ELIMINATED
What the hell was I thinking backing these losers? I can’t
even claim to have been high since I don’t smoke. What a terrible lapse of
judgment. Never again!
16)
Palestine (Previously #16)
Sigh.
Is it over yet? This is like watching the “International
Kitten Stomping Competition”. ; ( : ( I’d tell the Martyrs to go home to their
nice cozy little Nation-State….but that’s rubbing salt in the largest gashing
wound of the 20th Century. Oh God, tell me it’s over. I don’t want
to watch this country fail anymore. Let it be over.
Let’s rock the lines, boys.
Saturday
Australia
vs. South Korea
vs.
It will be closer than you might expect. That’s my
assessment. Disagree? Put your money where your facial orifice is.
THE
LINE: Australia +1 Goal
Oman
vs. Kuwait
vs.
Who cares!?? Round three always features (nearly)
simultaneous kickoffs. Don't bother flipping over to this one.
THE
LINE: Pick em’
Initial
Group Projection (1/9/2015)
1) South
Korea
2)
Australia
3) Oman
4)
Kuwait
Final
Group Projection (1/17/2015)
Straight
Up For Bookie
1)
Australia
2) South
Korea
3)
Kuwait
4) Oman
Sunday
Uzbekistan
vs. Saudi Arabia
vs.
The White Wolves should pose no real threat to the Green
Falcons. At least that’s the way the formations look to my tired eyes.
THE
LINE: Saudi Arabia +2 Goals
China
PR vs. Korea DPR
vs.
The filthy Communists are having themselves a Derby! How
about the loser of this one has to watch “Rocky IV” on a continuous loop for a
solid week?
THE
LINE: China PR +2 Goals
Initial
Group Projection (1/9/2015)
1) China
PR
2) Korea
DPR
3) Saudi
Arabia
4) Uzbekistan
Final
Group Projection (1/17/2015)
Straight
Up For Bookie
1) China
PR
2) Saudi
Arabia
3)
Uzbekistan
4) Korea
DPR
Monday
Iran
vs. U.A.E.
vs.
Your friendly bookie knows something you don’t know. That’s
why he’s backing the Persians here. Though technically not an “Upset Alert”,
ambitious bettors are welcome. : )
THE
LINE: Iran +1 Goal
Qatar
vs. Bahrain
vs.
Another meaningless match, with the slight edge going to
Reds.
THE
LINE: Bahrain +1 Goal
Initial
Group Projection (1/9/2015)
1) Iran
2) U.A.E.
3)
Bahrain
4) Qatar
Final
Group Projection (1/17/2015)
3 to
1 Odds For Bookie
1) Iran
2)
U.A.E.
3)
Bahrain
4) Qatar
Tuesday
Japan
vs. Jordan
vs.
Still not a genuine “Upset Alert”, but a low-line as your
friendly bookie remains unconvinced. Move me, Blue Samurai. Sell me. UPSELL ME!
THE
LINE: Japan +1 Goal
Iraq
vs. Palestine
vs.
It’s almost over.
Watch the Palestinians get creamed one last time and then we
get to place our collective guilt on the shelf.
It’s almost over.
THE
LINE: Iraq +3 Goals
Initial
Group Projection (1/9/2015)
1) Japan
2) Iraq
3)
Jordan
4)
Palestine
Final
Group Projection (1/17/2015)
Straight
Up For Bookie
1) Japan
2) Iraq
3) Jordan
4) Palestine
GENTLEMEN,
ENTER YOUR WAGERS
