Let’s do it Syndicate Members,
Before we begin, thank you. Thank you, all. Thank you. Thank you.
If “Dr. Hook” taught me anything it’s that appreciation of
one’s (severely limited) audience necessitates an opening segment of
self-deprecating mockery.
Hi!! My name is “Vicey”. I’m also known as “Professor Pete”,
“Ai Weis Weis”, “Der Zwölfte Freund”, “Dr. Flask”, “The Ghost with the Most”,
“Der Peter-mann der alles kann”, “Kraut-Wop Sledgehammer”, and (of course) “THE
Shadow Scholar”.
My unhealthy obsession with producing a polished and
consistent chronicle of international football tournaments isn’t something I
need to explain to your sorry ass. I promised my Syndicate members some catch
up work, and here it is:
Hot Girl Standings
Country
|
Tally
|
Games Played
|
Brazil
|
107
|
5 (finished)
|
Spain
|
98
|
5 (finished)
|
Italy
|
76
|
5 (finished)
|
Mexico
|
42
|
3 (finished)
|
Uruguay
|
40
|
5 (finished)
|
Japan
|
23
|
3 (finished)
|
Nigeria
|
23
|
3 (finished)
|
Tahiti
|
16
|
3 (finished)
|
My Updated Stats—
Spread: 6-10
Straight up: 11-4-1
With that out of the way, let’s review the rules:
Germany vs. Sweden
The Line: Germany +2
The Favorite is favored to win by 2 goals. If you bet on
Sweden., there are three ways you can win the bet:
1) Sweden loses by less than 2 goals.
2) Match is a draw
3) Sweden wins
Conversely, there is only one way to win if you bet
on Germany
1) Germany wins by more than two goals
Should Germany win by precisely two goals, the bet is a
wash.
Alles Klar? For the initial round, bets between $5 and $25
are taken. Increments of $5 are the way to go. In subsequent rounds, we might
bump it up higher.
ONE OTHER IMPORTANT THINGS TO KEEP IN MIND:
1) Your friendly bookie doesn’t bet against Germany. He’ll
take all other bets, but you won’t get him to bet against the Fatherland. Not
happening.
All lines are calculated personally by your friendly bookie
Vicey…..a lover of all humans…albeit with disdain for human nature. The
correspondence that follows is, as always, crafted with sincere amity for those
who appreciate sharp wit and an extra spot of fun in their day. Should you
prefer solemnity, drama, and conflict… kindly return to worrying needlessly
about whether or not you’re “good enough”.
Wednesday
Sweden vs. Denmark
vs. 
What a splendid Scandinavian Scrap to get us started! Lotta Schelin grabs a brace whilst we all bask in the revelry.
THE
LINE: Sweden +2 Goals
Italy vs. Finland
vs. 
This one might very well get ugly. Fortunately for Syndicate
Members, one will find very little “ugly” on the pitch.
THE
LINE: Italy +3 Goals
Thursday
Germany vs. Netherlands
vs. 
Expect an epic debut from my Mädels. The Dutch might wear Orange, but they’re too green for this contest.
THE
LINE: Deutschland +3 Goals
Norway vs. Iceland
vs. 
How does one spell “rout” in Icelandic? I’m thinking
Eeerggerttterorgefjordakinherdenderlassen”
THE
LINE: Norway +4 Goals
Friday
France vs. Russia
vs. 
Perhaps I’ve been watching too many Napoleon documentaries, but I’m willing to profess faith in the Ruskies. “Pussy Riot” won’t let me down! Time to hit the button:
UPSET ALERT!!
THE
LINE: Pick em’
England vs. Spain
vs. 
This match can’t get here soon enough. Really looking forward to watching the Limeys flounder, then recover at the last minute.
THE
LINE: England +1 Goal
GENTLEMEN,
ENTER YOUR WAGERS
