CAN 2013--Quarterfinals

Pump it up Syndicate members,

Stateside, the subsequent three days are known by a colloquial designation. Somewhere along our culture’s inexorable slide toward decadence, the next fifty some-odd hours received the classification “Super Weekend”. I do not object to this. Quite the contrary.

I consider it my solemn duty to accelerate the trend. The term “Super Weekend” rings entirely too banal, bourgeois, worn-out to a point that now warrants retirement. Moreover, the use of ONE bromidic adjective does not accurately convey the divine offerings that lay before us.

The knockout rounds of the African Cup of Nations are upon us! The new season of Downtown Abbey is in full swing (oh yes, I’m deathly serious. deathly, deathly serious). Then, of course, to round everything up, Sunday evening all of us Americans will engage in a uniquely consumerist annual holiday that involves getting completely plastered whilst eating our own weight in nacho cheese dip.

I don’t have to go into work! I’ve also cleared all my deadline contracts. For the first time since….you know….I actually cannot remember…(possibly September, but don’t quote me)…I HAVE TIME OFF! It’s scarcely believable. This bookie maintains no memory of what “time off” even feels like!

Where should I begin? The Halloween/Christmas decorations that I never got around to taking down? The load of laundry that first resembled a sizeable ursine creature, then gradually morphed into now what undeniably looks like marshy swamp habitat? Perhaps I’ll begin by cleaning out the fridge.

The milk with the sell-by date of “November 27^th” has probably seen it’s best days. Hmmm…perhaps the fridge is too ambitious. That half-eaten ham sandwich over there has turned into a half-something-I-entirely-do-not-wish-to-know-about. Let’s start there.

Editor’s retroactive notes:

Hell yes! I took care of the milk, the decorations, the ham sandwich, AND the laundry!! Booya! Er…missed the Super Bowl. Can’t have it all now can you?   

All this free time. Which backdated stack of scholarly journals should I start with? “Foreign Affairs”? “March/April 2012”. Shit. How did that happen? “American Journal of International Law”? WINTER 2011? Dammit. “European Journal of International Relations”. Oh for chrissake. I’ll spare you the quarter. Suffice to say we’re still living in 2010!!

Editor’s retroactive notes:

One day your friendly bookie looks forward to breaking himself of the habit of reading two-year-old news in the interest of being stubbornly chronological. One day…

Okay, okay. Peer-reviewed scholarship might prove a bit heavy anyway. Let’s hit up the magazine periodicals. Surely I don’t have such a ways to go to catch up with “The Economist”? Yeah! I’ll just pick up right where I left off….on….JUNE 23^rd 2012!?!?!
Editor’s retroactive notes:

Case in point: I picked up the June 23^rd 2012 issue of the Economist on February 14^th 2014. (The day after I left my most recent job). Did I logically and sanely resume my reading the current issue after that? FUCK NO. This perpetually self-flagellating monk had to atone for his sins!!

I had to SLOWLY, PAINFULLY, EXCRUITINGLY work my way through 96 (96!!) BACKDATED ISSUES OF “THE ECONOMIST”. WHY?!?! I DON’T FUCKING NO WHY!?!

I’m happy to report that I eventually got caught up. It took over three months. I cease to make sense to me. The grammatical feasibility of that last sentence may be dubious at best, but so are my hopes for ever having anything resembling a normal sex life at this point ; ( ; ( ; ( 

AHHHHHHHH! Newspapers. Newspapers, newspapers, newspapers. How we doing’ my beloved Grey Lady/? Wednesday January 23^rd. Phrew. Okay. Doable. WSJ? January 18^th? How the hell does this keep happening?!?

 Okay. Relax. Stop hyperventilating Foreign Press, foreign press. That’s the beauty of the Internet! It doesn’t matter how long it’s been since I’ve followed the IHT, Guardian, Süddeutsche, or FAZ. The latest always sits on Page One. We’ll just pretend the old news didn’t happen. Of course the Internet also supplies us with Podcasts. PODCASTS!! Arrrghhh. I’m over four months behind on my RBB Podcasts! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Editor’s retroactive notes:

I’m also happy to report I’m almost fully caught up on my RBB Podcasts! Hurrah. ; ) ; ) It took 15 months ; ( ; ( 

Tongue and cheek wink. Of course, there’s no real need to worry about me, mates. Your friendly bookie remains the same brutally stubborn bastard he’s always been. Though he possesses numerous character defects, one cannot claim he lacks a focused and determined work ethic. Sleep-deprived or dry heaving, he always finds a way to “get shit done”. He’ll catch up just fine, just as sure as he’ll eventually stop referring to himself in the third person.

Maintaining concentration is a simple matter of allowing one’s mind to edit out unimportant things…like the expired milk, the half-eaten ham sandwich, and the extremely hot girl in the thong bikini staring at you obsequiously from the corner holding up a four-foot sign that reads “PETER! I LOVE YOU! Please ravish me in all orifices immediately!”

What’s that? I didn’t see anything. Honestly. The mind simply edits it out automatically.

Whatever I end up catching up this weekend, a “radonkulous” spate of first-rate football fixtures mean I definitely won’t be catching up any sleep. I sincerely hope all of you will find to catch at least one. Thus far, many syndicate members have written in to innocently (and truly with no amount of sarcasm) inquire why they should be interested in African Football.

Only by actually taking in a match can you figure out the answer to that question for yourselves. We’ll compose an entirely non-football related ramblings section for the terminally bored. First, I’d like to welcome everyone to the vastly superior version of “Super Weekend” that you’ve long since assumed I forgot to enclose:

Gentlemen, welcome to the…..

“ASS-KICKING-TERRIFIC-AWESOME-HISTORIC-MOTHER-OF-ALL-MOTHER-FUCKING WEEKENDS”

Tada! Still not intrigued? Well, let’s do one of our patented aphoristic rambling sections. Sadly, I only have time for an abridged one.

Editor’s retroactive notes:

“Only have time for an abridged one”. Yeah….that’s what I tell the girls too ; (

 

Random Thoughts from a Disarmed Bookie….Vicey is a Rambling Man

--Sitting down to sling out a few arrows of thought, the first one that surfaces concerns the inability to find a decent online electronic trance radio station. By this I mean, could I possibly beseech someone out there in the ether to SIMPLY PLAY SOME UNINTERRUPTED UPBEAT TRANCE?!? I’m on my fourth station thus far, and haven’t gone so much as a minute without having to listen to some accented DJ bursting in:

“Hey..hey..it’s Jochaim von Schwarzlaugenschmelze and YOU..are in…DA MIX!”

Shut the fuck up. I know where I am…and I was doing just fine until you showed up!

If they’re not shamelessly plugging themselves, they interrupt to string together a bunch or irreverent and redundant information.

“Yes, yes…high energy…energy techno…spinning the tables for you’re high energy dance energy Friday night party. Out of control. ENERGY!”

This shit doesn’t happen on the classical channel.

“Hey..hey…it’s BACH! Baroque, baroque, baroque. Lot’s of stings. There’s even a French Horn in there somewhere. Twenty-minute bass-solo. Baroque!”

Editor’s retroactive notes:

This continues to perturb.

“Yes I’m still here”

“Interrupting your track”

“Joachim von Schwarzlaugensmelzenbrötchen”

“In da mix”

“In da mix”

--Sigh. Speaking of Austrians who don’t know when to quit, why does the Gubenator have a new movie coming out?

“Schwarzenegger in “The Last Stand”: “Not in his town! Not on his watch!”

Hmmm…apparently, “Not at the U.S. Box Office” either. Sorry, but I refuse to suspend disbelief this far. Why are residents of a conservative Texas border town electing a foreigner as sheriff? That’s just….no….no, no, no.

--Plodding through my copy of Jeff Bridges latest offering, “The Dude and the Zenmeister”. Sad to say it’s going about as disastrously as my initial viewing of “Tinker, Tailor, Solider, Spy”. Halfway through and I’ve still got no clue what’s going on. All I’ve been able to surmise is that it must be nice to be those people. It’d be nice to have a career as a spymaster…or an actor who talks about “cuons” with a nutty old Jew for a weekend. Yeah…my life’s not so bad….just not as good as theirs.

--More disappointing writing from Michael Lewis. Perhaps I waited to long to read “The Big Short”. It just hasn’t aged well. After being exposed to all the pompous hype, one reads with a more vigilant eye. His take on Germany? A bunch of tired, clichéd NAZI analogies that remind me of very bad drunken times at very dingy bars.

“Oh, your from Germany,” some slob would spit out on a sultry Louisiana night, “come on and…sheet down Brüder (gesticulating). Let me make you a little….LEBENSRAUM! Bwahahahahahaha!”

I’m not a snob. Additionally, absolutely love me some frivolous drunk humor. It’s just…..maybe it’s about time we let some of this go.

--Your friendly bookie Vicey: Perpetually happy to write about the countries Rick Steves wouldn’t touch with a soiled mop handle.

--Do you know Jean Ping? You should get to know Jean Ping:

< http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jean_Ping>

He’s half Chinese, half Gabonese. One doesn’t encounter that sort of inter-ethnic breeding everyday. Somewhere in Africa there was a Chinese man who managed to charm and seduce an African woman. The results are nothing short of astounding. The accomplished diplomat sports a head shaped like a football itself, yet still somehow manages to pull of a Samuel L. Jackson glare.

After working his way up through the late Gabonese President Omar Bongo’s cabinet he served honorably in UNESCO and the UN General Assembly before finally ascending to the Chair of the AU Commission. He’s essentially the Juan Manuel Barrosso of Africa. Check out some of his directives. It’s Confucius meets Shaft.

Editor’s retroactive notes:

Jean Ping is currently head of “Ping and Ping Consulting”…..I’ve suddenly got a hankering for some shrimp-fried rice.

--Time to come clean. Off my chest. I count myself among the legions of grown-up alpha American males intrigued by the surprisingly deep existential lessons embedded within the television serial….”My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic”.

I have no excuse for this. I’ve borne no children. The show was deliberately developed to appeal to the parents forced to watch their show with their children. I heard about through general Pop Culture Chatter, checked it out, and……am……astounded.

Editor’s retroactive notes:

Still an unabashed “Brony”, though I mostly root for Nightmare. 

--I’ve yet another Chinese Politician to introduce to you to. Have you met Wang Yang? Seriously..that’s the man’s name. The “Wukan Wonder” ran Chonquing Province before giving way to Bo Xilai upon his promotion to the Politburo. With all that we’ve read about Bo Xilai over the past year, why have newspaper reporters been depriving us of the name of his predecessor? The man’s name is “WANG YANG”! I wouldn’t be able to resist mentioning that three sentences below the dateline.

Editor’s retroactive notes:

Rest in Peace, Bo. Wait a second? They didn’t execute him? That’s anticlimactic. ; (

--About time to close this little free-styling section. We’ll pick up where we left off during the semifinals. For now, there’s football to discuss. DJ Vice with leave you with this:

“Yes, yes…high energy…energy techno…spinning the tables for you’re high energy dance energy Friday night party. Out of control. ENERGY!”

Whoops. Hit the wrong button there. Let’s try again. DJ Vice will leave you with this:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/0061807370

Great book. Best book I’ve read all year. For all the smack I’ve been talking about disappointing over-hyped literature, allow me to say in all earnestness that this one is a MUST-READ for all the beaten-down Grad-Students out there. Yes, I’m talking to you my beloved clients. Read this snarky account of how we’ve all been duped into hating ourselves because years ago some mediocre asshole carved out a niche and elected to defend it like a junkyard dog.

Sure, it amounts to little beyond some narcissistic sour grapes in the final analysis…but at least read it to feel a little bit better about your current predicament. It’s been discounted!      

Editor’s retroactive notes:

The Book in question is Bruce Bawer’s “The Victim’s Revolution: The Rise of Identity Politics and the Closing of the Liberal Mind”. I….er…..solemnly promise less academic bashing in this summer’s syndicate.

Back to football.

My updated stats:

Spread: 5-19

Straight up: 6-5-11

So many draws. No real complaints, however. Draws = Drama. We entered the group stages with 15 of the 16 countries still in legitimate contention. Without further ado, we’ll officially bid adieu to the eight who won’t be coming with us..

Goodbyes Section

Morocco

A valiant effort for the “Lions of the Atlas”, but destiny couldn’t be so easily brushed aside. In point of fact the waning moments of Round Three in Group A made for some unparalleled confusion and drama.

Your friendly bookie spilled a great deal of ink calculating, among other things, how many yellow card bookings each of the four teams had picked up. With all four countries still in contention as injury time approached, for a moment it looked as if the top two may very well be selected based on the fourth tiebreaker.

In spite of my unabashed anti-North African bias, I must concede that the men from Maghreb gave us a good show. Apart from some superb displays of skill from predictable names like Assisi, Behind, El Kotare, El Hamada, and Baroda, trainer Rashid Taoussi supplied us with a shocking lineup in the third and final match that caught fire early to ensure a thoroughly entertaining fixture from start to finish.

No Amrabat, no Assaidi, no Belhanda, and no El Ahmadi. As presaged, this squad of delicate egos needed a full-fledged shakeup accompanied by some Pacino-level theatrics. The formation still resembled the 4-4-1-1, but upon closer inspection appeared to be more of a 4-1-4-1. In the event you don’t really give a shit…. congratulations, you join a fraternity of practically everyone else skimming through this.

Your friendly bookie happens to give a shit. He had never even heard of Issam El Adoua, Charir Belgazouani, Youssef El Arabi, or Kaddioui. Watching those hitherto unknown plays weave together some nice deep lateral triangulation out of nowhere made for some magnificent viewing. El Adoua’s crashing header was quite majestic. El-Arabi’s steamrolling run at goal proved a treat. Hafidi’s chest control and first-time five-hole finish will contend for “goal of the tournament” honors.

Plenty for Taoussi to think about in the nine months leading up to the terminus of World Cup qualifying. Stick with this renewed approach or give the sacred cows another chance? It risks being a moot point as we’ll most certainly see the Atlas Lions in Brazil. At present they face resolute challenges from their qualifying group mates Gambia and Tanzania….two countries that know little else beyond how to fold.

No way we see either the Taifa Stars or the Scorpions in the 2014 World Cup Finals. It simply a’int happening. Those two countries, more accustomed to competing for the absolute global bottom in the overall rankings, will tank after their uncharacteristically overachieving starts.

Until next year…..desert dwellers.
Editor’s retroactive notes:

We’ve been spared! Three weeks after the conclusion of this syndicate chapter the Tanzanian Taifa Stars improbably upset the Moroccans 3-1 in Dar-es-Salaam. Though the Lions of the Atlas recovered to win 2 of their next 3 games, their failure to pick up those crucial three points left them in second place behind Cote d’Ivoire in the Round Two Group Stages. With pressure mounting as Morocco prepares to host the 2015 African Cup of Nations, Taoussi was quickly sacked. Former National Team keeper Ezzaiki Badou looks to lead the Lions to glory in the much anticipated 2015 campaign.

Angola

Now this constitutes a surprise. What can I say? I harbored other expectations, some of them admittedly quixotic. Your friendly bookie, much like the other odds makers finds himself entirely perplexed by the improbable Cape Verdian rise.

Fumbling for answers as to why the Palancas Negras failed to capture an exceeding easy quarterfinal berth against their decidedly weaker former colonial brethren, I had no choice but to seek out the wisdom of one of America’s finer minds.

Fortunately, U.S. Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas recently broke a seven-year-silence on the esteemed judicial bench and was in a chatty mood. Here’s a transcript of our conversation:

Vicey: Thank you for agreeing to speak to me, Justice Thomas. I’ll begin by wondering aloud why Mateus didn’t start up front.

Justice Thomas: …well…he did not.

Vicey: I see. It seemed so perfectly reasonable that Manucho would finally be able to crack to halfback-duo of Nando and Fernando Varela. I mean, that pair couldn’t seriously be expected to turn in another solid performance after 180 consecutive minutes, right? Manucho should have finally found his stride and punched through for at least one tally, no?

Justice Thomas: …well…he did not.

Vicey: You’re right, you’re right. What about Pirolito? The man proved such a mighty presence in the opening two fixtures. He looked poised to capture the ever-opportunistic Platini flat-footed on a few occasions, thereby sparking a few counter-attacks.

Justice Thomas: …well…he did not.

Vicey: Couldn’t have put it better myself. When setting the line, Lama’s experience between the pipes emerged as a potentially salient criterion. The Petro Luanda veteran would loom large over the touchline, carrying his team to the quarterfinals with disciplined positioning and a few spectacular saves.

Justice Thomas: …well…he did not.

Vicey: Thus spaketh Justice Thomas. We might have witnessed a different result had Gustavo Ferrin heeded my advice and patiently stuck with his steadily improving starting eleven.

Justice Thomas: …well…he did not.

Vicey: You seem to have it all figured out. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Know something? Somewhere out there in a dark, forgotten, and unfashionable corner of the internet ether, a bookie came AGONIZINGLY close to PRECISELY projecting the final standings of all four groups.

Justice Thomas: …well…he did not.

Vicey: Truth has been spoken. Following the dispensation of such immaculate pearls of wisdom, I suppose there remains nothing else to say. Thank you for this conversation, oh venerable judge.

Justice Thomas: …well…he did not.

Vicey: Okay….that one didn’t really make sense contextually. I think I’m just going to go now.

Justice Thomas: …well…he did not.

Vicey: Whatever. I’m hanging up the phone now, Clarence. Wish you and Ginnie all the best.

Justice Thomas: …well…he did not.

Vicey: I do believe the four words you’re searching for are “Same to you, Vicey”.

Justice Thomas: …well…he did not.

Vicey: Fuck it. I’m outta here. *Click*

Fire Gustavo Ferrin! The Sable Antelopes are in the fight of their lives for 2014 and it’s time to send this loser back across the pond. Thus spaketh your friendly bookie!
Editor’s retroactive notes:

The reference to Clarence Thomas’s first words from the bench in seven years was lost on most readers. Did your friendly bookie happen to give two shits? Well…he did not. Very much miss my Sable Antelopes. They call out to me to cover CAN 2015.

Congo DR

Acutely aware of the endemic civil and ethnic strife issues faced by both Mali and Congo DR, one couldn’t help but root for both teams during their third-round showdown on Monday. Alas, one team had to progress and it might as well have been the Eagles and the few fans that still have the privilege of cheering on their squad.

Much love to Claude LeRoy and this particular incarnation of the Leopards. It was them who finally got us rolling with that thrilling performance against the Black Stars on Day Two of the tournament. The quarterfinals should have been attained. Instead, it’s a bittersweet farewell to Mbokani, Makiadi, Kabangu, LuaLua, and Mulumbu.

I’d personally like to thank LeRoy for introducing me to fresh faces like Deo Kanda, Dioko Kaluyituka, Yves Illunga, and Chancel Mbeba Mangulu. Though it may induce an aneurism in my suddenly personified spell check, I sincerely wish to type these names again. The Leopards will have to fight hard to earn a spot in Brazil. Fending off Cameroon, Togo, and (yes…a very good side) Libya won’t be easy. Not by damn sight. They’ve not been seen upon the grandest of stages for nearly four decades, when they competed as “Zaire.”

We need them back like a frazzled graduate student needs to get laid. Please rejoin us, Leopards! Experiencing the World Cup without all this top-flight talent would be as disappointing as a bloody alcohol-free Bloody Mary. We need you. We’ve missed you. We….may have had a few too many drinks…but just come back anyway.

On a less hackneyed note, I’m very optimistic. Intriguing performances from Kande, Mputu, Kisombe, Mabilala, Issama have caught the attention of football watchers far more important than me. These tournaments essentially serve as a prime audition for players to acquire big contracts. Rumors swirl about which one of these domestic league players will earn a top-flight call up. It stands to reason that at least one of them will be prepared to step in for the retiring LuaLua in 15 months time.

Already a player who was curiously left off the squad, Chris Samba, has been summoned to the Isles by Harry Redknapp for a Loftus Road Trial. Halfback Zakuani has been linked with a return to the Premiership via another loan. Three separate La Liga clubs now bid for Mputu’s services. Berlusconi’s Boys reportedly wish to pay for Kande. The Anderlecht trio may be content with their current situation, but that doesn’t mean Bundesliga clubs aren’t looking to pick them off.

Overall, this remains a strong team that will only improve under the auspices of a legendary coach. Look for the same core group of even sharper outfielders to join us next summer. Well done, Leopards. We’re on the right track. Phase One of “The Great Congolese Revival” complete. Make the most of your new chances.
Editor’s retroactive notes:

Every prediction in this section turned out to be wrong. Kanda, Mputu, Kisombe, Mabilala, and Issama went nowhere. Samba still hasn’t earned a call up. Zakuani went backwards. The team completely tanked and fired the coach. No “Great Congolese Revival.” The End.

Niger

In only their second appearance in the African Cup of Nations, it turned out to be “Easy come, easy go” once more. To put it bluntly, the two back-to-back appearances by this largely empty Sahel Nation represented nothing more than a quirky fluke. Gernot Rohr speaks of a “Menas Renaissance”, but let’s meet those lofty words with brutal honesty.

Decades from now the presence of the Menas will be written off as a mere historical aberration. The previously discussed historic three-way-group-tie enabled them to squeak through the 2012 Qualifying Pool. That almost accidental qualification bestowed upon them a First Round Bye in this year’s rushed qualifying round, when they were extremely lucky to draw Guinea.

It’s doubtful we’ll hear much of anything from them again, even if they once again had the good fortune to draw a weak 2014 qualifying group. Gabon, Congo (the er… “other” Congo), and Burkina Faso should have no problems making “Menas Mincemeat” once push comes to shove.

I’ll congratulate Sidibe and Maazou on some halfway decent play. Otherwise, there remains no praise to mete out; not for a squad that was regularly boring and failed to score a goal. Good light, good luck, good riddance.

Zambia

Down go the defending champs. We’ll crown a new victor next Sunday in Soccer City. Three fucking draws? Really? That’s all you could manage Chipolopolos?

They exited in fitting fashion, playing a horrible match on a sand-filled pitch whilst cacophonous air-raid sirens kept going off for some unexplored reason. To think we’re less than two weeks removed from these glowing reviews.

From CAN 2013: Introductory Section:

“Yes sir, it’s a fabulous time to be a fan of the “Copper Bullets”. The reigning champs return with an even more of a menacing striking corps that looks to rack up plenty of goals.

….

Collins Mbesuma may not have earned himself a new contract after last winter’s triumph, but by all accounts he’s in top form. Ditto the two strikers enjoying spectacular sojourns in China, James Chamanga and Christopher Katongo.

…

Success begets success. That’s football. Players who achieve on the grand stage, get fat contracts to play in better leagues, and ultimately become stronger. A repeat in this first-even CAN annual replay seems VERY plausible.”

Oops. Herve Renard’s hands were tied after four of his players picked up bookings in the sloppy opening fixture against the dogged Ethiopian Antelopes. Chris Katongo showed all of us why he’s now playing in China before bowing out with that undisclosed injury. Collins Mbesuma, the two Mulengas, and Rainford Kalaba were notable only in their botched handlings of prime chances.

Sunzu heads back to Reading, presumably for some more notoriously poorly-timed tackling on the road to the Royals’ relegation. In the final analysis, your friendly bookie called it spot on a scant few days ago:

From CAN 2013 “Round Three”:

Okay Chipolopolos. NOW you have my permission to start panicking. Could this really be the end of the line for the defending champions? Afraid so.

….

As predicted, Renard had to sit Mbesuma in addition to yanking Chansa and Lungu early to avoid accruing double yellows. Katongo never quite seemed at ease with Mayuka beside him. That throws a wrench in Renard’s plans. He had clearly hoped use Mayuka as a substitute sparkplug once reinstituting Mbesuma. His backup plans are in peril too as Jacob Mulenga saw no action and Mukaka Mulenga might have done better to see none.

…

One hesitates to write off this exceptionally talented team and their tactical master of a coach so early….but how can they really expect to top the red-hot Burkinabes?

So it went. Renard tried to deploy Mayuka and Mbesuma up front, and they looked completely disorganized for nearly an hour. Mayuka came on as the attack annex from the 55^th minute onward, but the trio only saw fit to miss-communicate to the point of madness. Ugh.

With maximum points from two matches, the Copper Bullets are off to a magnificent start in their 2014 Qualifying Campaign. Katongo and Chamanga should have enough legs to get this team to Brazil…where they can expect to finish 32^nd if Renard doesn’t do a better job of integrating young stand-outs like Mukaka Mulenga, Emmanuel Mayuka, and Chisamba Lungu into the lineup.
Editor’s retroactive notes:

Kersplat. Another prediction bites the dust. One cannot draw against Lesotho and hope to make the World Cup Finals. No dice say’s Vice. 

Ethiopia

….And thanks for playing. Actually, the Antelopes deserve enormous props for even showing up. This team’s obituary was written long before the opening whistle. Their farfetched return to the tournament after a 31-year-long absence made for a great story, but they never really stood a chance.

Thanks to Hintsa, Said, and Girma for that glorious combo in the opening match. Thanks to Shimelis for that thunderous boot. Thanks to Hintsa again for that heroic performance in goal as the Nigeria match wound down.

We’ll see the Walyas….probably in another thirty years. Although they currently top their World Cup qualifying group, South Africa, Botswana, and CAR are likely to give them hell as matters heat up. Difficult to envision any color on the streets of Addis Ababa next summer, though this friendly bookie will certainly be rooting for it.

Tunisia

Exhale, exhale, exhale. For the first time since 1992, we’ve got a FULLY SUB-SAHARAN CAN Knockout Phase. As we prepare to undertake a brief flit through my personal journey from jitters to joy, I welcome you the EIGHTH installment of “Your friendly bookie doesn’t much care to expend too much energy on North Africa”.

From the CAN 2013 Introductory Section:

“Well, well. If it isn’t my old nemesis: The Eagles of Carthage.”

….

When first evaluating the roster, I had high hopes that the reds wouldn’t advance. Regrettably, the immediate reaction to that cursory glance turned out to be quite erroneous. Sure their midfielders are young and untested….but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re unproven.

….

So we have an experienced midfield, a veteran defensive corps, and…..Islaam Jemaa is still playing?

….

Gritting my teeth as I say this, but the Tunisians might just advance out of the group.

FROM CAN 2013—“Round One”:

It’s the battle of the Berbers! Two North African states duel some 9,000 miles from their usual sandpit. For every goal scored, we’ll see an extra minute of injury time. These footballers have to pray, after all.

FROM CAN 2013—“Round Three”:

“Hahahahaha. DIE! DIE you indolent bastards.”

Whew. What a relief. With any luck Sierra Leone, Equatorial Guinea, and Cape Verde will ensure that I won’t have to write about this team again next summer. Er…wait a second. Those three countries once more? Dammit. I’m screwed. The dominant Eagles of Carthage are off to an epic start, beating the everlasting shit out of that creampuff group. They’ll be back next Summer whether your bookie likes it or not. Fuck me.
Editor’s retroactive notes:

….or maybe not! Les Indomitables ran roughshod over them in the final qualifying leg! The once proud Eagles of Carthage have now failed to qualify for two consecutive World Cups and cycled through three head coaching changes in the last year alone. Catch the downward spiral.

Algeria

See above. We’ve managed to rid ourselves of ALL the North African countries, much to my unbridled exuberance. The desert foxes did supply us with perhaps the most exciting game in the tournament in that Cote d’Ivoire shootout, but we’re sooo much better off without them.

As we prepare to undertake a brief flit through my personal journey from apprehension to animation, I welcome you the NINTH AND FINAL installment of “Your friendly bookie doesn’t much care to expend too much energy on North Africa”.

From the CAN 2013 Introductory Section:

“The “Desert Foxes” are back…mostly to annoy me. They’re heavily favored by most every odds maker to take the tournament….again mostly to annoy me.”

….

Should we be worried? Damn straight we should.

….

One must strain hard to find weak links in the midfield. Marseille’s Foued Kadir, Valencia’s Sofiane Feghouli, and Racing Santander’s Hameur Bouazza. Gulp. Academica’s Rafik Halliche and A.C. Milan’s Djamel Mesbah will keep things tight at the back.

Say it a’int so, Vicey. Sorry. It would come as a great surprise if both Algeria and Tunisia advance out of this group.

From CAN 2013—“Round Two”:

“The Desert Foxes remain co-favorites alongside Cote d’Ivoire. They might have played nervy in the Maghreb Derby, but we’re still talking about a team with an underutilized El Arbi Soudani in the Kader. Islaam Slimani barely factored in today, but he’ll be heard before all is said and done. Bouazza and Lacen have yet to say their piece. Kadir and Fehghouli aren’t finished”

From CAN 2013—“Round Three”:

“They’re gone! Gone I say! LIBERTY! The hostage-taking desert dwellers have officially been eliminated. Despite all of the fear they instilled in me during the qualifying stages, they’re finished. Despite fielding the team with the greatest pedigree for the second year in a row, they’re done! Good riddance I say. Allah be praised.”

YES! They’re gone….and they’re absolutely not coming to ruin our Brazilian party. Not if Benin, Rwanda, and Mali have anything to say about it! That is….er…run those countries by me again. For fuck’s sake, man. I’m more burnt out on North Africa than I am on Lebowski-inspired existential literature. What the hell does a Shadow Scholar have to do to catch a break?
Editor’s retroactive notes:

But these assholes are coming. They narrowly defeated my beloved Burkinabés on the away goals rule. Sorry to keep heaping on the insults, but this country just re-elected a vegetable president. I hope they get “bout-a-fick-ed”.

Okay. Who’s ready to commence with the “ASS-KICKING-TERRIFIC-AWESOME-HISTORIC-MOTHER-OF-ALL-MOTHER-FUCKING WEEKENDS”?

LET’S DO IT!

Reader: Hey, Pete. You haven’t employed the disclaimer since Round One!

Vicey: Damn readers with their ultra-keen eyes for the most insignificant details…God bless them. All the love, mate. Hi to the family!

All lines are calculated personally by your friendly bookie Vicey…the only man alive who can divide by zero and count to infinity “The correspondence that follows is, as always, crafted with sincere amity for those who appreciate sharp wit and a small extra spot of fun in their day. Should you prefer solemnity, drama, and conflict…kindly return to your copy of Warren Bennis’s “On Becoming a Leader”   

Saturday

Ghana vs. Cape Verde

 vs. 

Get your weekend started off right. First, you’ll need to roll over and nudge the bi-curious “daddy’s girls” freshmen sluts you brought home last night in order to deliver the ultimatum:

“Either get in the kitchen and start scrambling some eggs or get the fuck out of my house!”

Following that sad, saturnine Saturday morning ritual, it’s time to brew some coffee, flick on “Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me” in order to tune out the catty argument between “Brandy” and “Calilee” over how to properly fry bacon. While you’re at it, there happens to be a fantastic football game on tap. Tune in to watch the Black Stars stomp all over this year’s Cinderella. Sorry, my beloved tap-dancing Creoles. THIS ENDS NOW.

Nothing more stands in the way of Kwesi-Appiah’s starting eleven. Asamoah Gyan currently exhibits a form not seen since his days at the Stadium of Light. Kwadwo Asamoah finally found a suitable spot a few meters behind and to his right. Further to the right, Albert Adomah has space to whip in his exquisite crosses.

The unequivocal success of the unorthodox formation is but the beginning. Atsu not only collected a fine cutback, he accrued priceless confidence in the process. The über-pumped Mubarak returns just in time for some more grandiose heroics. Paintsil, Vorsah, and Boye finally have their pitch exchanges sorted out. Boye in particular has finally demonstrated the courage to run forward on crucial occasions.

Platini’s incredible performance against the Angolans actually matters very little. The point man can only expect to carry a mostly hesitant striking corps so far. Tavares, Ryan Mendes, and Nhuck are overdue for some foolishly selfish play. Toni Varela and Marco Soares aren’t nearly as good as they’ve been letting on. Carlitos, Nando, Fernando Varela, and Gege can’t possibly keep this up. NO WAY! Should you think otherwise, you’re always welcome to put your money where your mouth is.

Considering that YOU are the be-robed “Musk Man” who has to deal with “Brandy” and “Calilee”, let it be your breakfast that is ruined both literally and betting-wise.

Projected Lineups:

 “The Black Stars” 4-3-2-1 

Asamoah Gyan

Kwadwo Asamoah       Albert Adomah

W. Mubarak       Christian Atsu     E. Agyemang-Badu

Harrison Afful John Boye  Isaac Vorsah     John Paintsil

Abdul Fatau Dauda

 “The Blue Sharks” 4-3-1-2 

Ryan Mendes            Heldon Ramos

Platini

Babanco           Toni Varela         Marco Soares

Carlitos       Nando         Fernando Varela      Gege

Vozinha

Prop Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own):

Over/Under ---3 Goals

120 Minutes— 2 to 1

Penalty Shootout— 3 to 1

Asamoah Gyan brace—straight up

Kwadwo Asamoah brace—straight up

Christian Atsu goal—2 to 1

Mohammed Rabiu start—2 to 1

Derek Boateng start—3 to 1

Jonathan Mensah start—straight up

Jerry Akaminko start—2 to 1

Emmanuel Clottey substitution (80+)-- 2 to 1

Christian Atsu substitution (65+)—2 to 1

Paintsil booking—straight up

Vorsah howler—straight up

Platini brace—straight up

Julio Tavares start—straight up

Nando injury—straight up

Babanco set-piece goal—2 to 1

Carlitos booking—2 to 1

Nivaldo substitution (75+)—2 to 1

THE LINE Ghana + 2 Goals

Editor’s retroactive notes:

RESULT: Ghana 2, Cape Verde 0. A solid amount of money came in on this one. What a pity were weren’t using the “Precise Line System”. Appiah deployed a highly intriguing 4-1-3-2 with Gyan slated to be the target man ever so slightly ahead of Kwadwo. For all the hype, however, the fixture got off to a lethargic start that would have left one wondering if “Brandy” and “Caliee” might be up for a little early afternoon delight.

The Black Stars appeared out of sync in the early going. Adomoah was unable to get anything going on the right flank, effectively forcing Atsu to assume responsibility for the entire width of the pitch. Asamoah Gyan found himself completely unprepared for any crosses Atsu might supply from the right. Though the pair of Premiership veterans displayed high-level technical flair, they couldn’t quite coordinate. The discounted minnows enjoyed the better half of chances in the opening 45. Heldon Ramos delivered a pair of near misses and Marco Soares supplied a forceful header to no avail.

That run of play continued after the restart. The Black Stars dominated in possession, but the Blue Sharks got the better looks at goal. Julio Tavares brought the small contingent of Cape Verde supporters to their feet with a vigorous header of a ball that kept Dauda on his toes. One was left wondering when Africa’s great hope might be roused from their slumber.

As is too often the case in tightly contested matches, the breakthrough came via an officiating decision. Antunes’s islanders had cause for complaint when Carlitos was adjudged to have fouled Asamoah Gyan two meters central inside the 18. Replays suggested that the two had inadvertently collided in what looked like a freak accident. Futile protest only resulted in a yellow card for the former Athletico fullback. 

Wakaso Mubarak, himself only substituted for the ineffectual Adamoah seven minutes earlier, fired down the center for a 54^th minute opening goal. It was one helluva ballsy finish. The only way to beat the keeper down the middle is to feign a seriously powerful drive that forces him to move. Even if the penalty wasn’t earned, one had the impression that the Black Stars deserved their lead.

Dauda continued to stand tall with an impressive sprawl save on Heldon Ramos some twenty minutes later. He again positioned himself perfectly to deny Babanco with an impressive punch clear in the 93^rd. The prolonged protest led to a full five minutes of stoppage time and Dauda utilized it to provide his most significant contribution. 

He made himself look large between the pipes. Unable to unleash a long-range effort, the drained minnows attempted a wayward pass up the gut. Six Ghanaian defenders ensured that the ball would be punted forward to Wakaso. Cape Verde Keeper Vozinha had gone forward for the corner, leaving the onside forward with no one to beat. After taking a few touches to steady himself, the Rubin Kazan man went ahead and sealed the deal.  

South Africa vs. Mali

 vs. 

Articles abound. Every last journalistic hack cannot resist the opportunity to report on how an ever-increasing swathe of Mali gets a fresh chance to view their football team’s progression through the competition. Ahem. Allow me to emphasize that I’m being facetious. The journalists that courageously report on the newly liberated cities of Mali aren’t “hacks” in any sense of the word.

They’re unsung heroes. Their intrepid reporting will all-too-soon be forgotten the next time some asshole hipster from “Vice Magazine” decides to put on his Safari Helmet. Your friendly bookie Vicey has no affiliation with the abomination that is “Vice Magazine”. May they all die an excruciatingly painful death.
Editor’s retroactive notes:

NO APOLOGY. Couldn’t have put it better if I was myself. Er….

The subject of football in the struggling country of Mali is only broached in the interest of conveying what happens to be a very real and very touching story. The Eagles ARE “Africa’s Team”. No question. Will they place? Sentimentality aside, the answer happens to be a resounding “YES”. Bafana exude weakness in more ways than a single, solitary soul can enumerate.

Sangweni remains predominantly responsible for their unanticipated march into this round. Betting on a halfback gets one nowhere. Even if he able to somehow conjure up some forward momentum yet again, that leaves the entire back exposed.

Majoro’s will not return at 100 percent. Parker, Mphela, and Rantie have been sub par to put it generously. Furman isn’t Tschabalala, even if he presently showcases better form. The Eagles need only run C. Diabate ragged, substituting in Maiga when his legs turn to lead. Keita can thump balls forward all night. He’ll merely need a finisher on one or two critical occasions. Should Maiga falter, Sammassa can step in.

Call it betting with my heart, but the head concurs….at least in this instance.

All the way! FUCK ANSAR DINE!

All the way! FUCK ANSAR DINE!

All the way! FUCK ANSAR DINE!

All the way! FUCK ANSAR DINE!

Projected Lineups:

 “Bafana, Bafana” 4-4-2 

Katlego Mphela    Lelohonolo Majoro

Bernard Parker                      May Mahlangu

Dean Furman Tokelo Rantie

T. Masilela    B. Khumalo     S. Sangweni      A. Ngconga

Itumelang  Khune

 “The Eagles” 4-3-2-1 

C. Diabate

M. Traore                          S. Keita

S. Diarra           S.M.A Diakite         C.F. Diarra

A. Tamboura M. Wague A. Coulibaly F. Diawara

S.M.E Diakite

Prop Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own):

Over/Under ---2 Goals

120 Minutes— straight up

Penalty Shootout— 2 to 1

Lesothoyanye start—3 to 1

Tschbalala start—2 to 1

Thuso Phala start—2 to 1

Majoro goal—2 to 1

Bernard Parker goal—2 to 1

Sangweni goal—2 to 1

Matlaba substitution (65+)—2 to 1

Gaxa substitution (55+)—2 to 1

Furman substitution (80+)—straight up

Keita brace—straight up

Keita hat trick—3 to 1

N’Diaye booking—straight up

C.F Diarra start—straight up

Samba Sow start—3 to 1

Maiga start—straight up

M. Samassa C.F. start—straight up

O. Coulibaly substitution (60+)—2 to 1 

THE LINE: Mali + 1 Goal

Editor’s retroactive notes:

RESULT: Mali 2, South Africa 1. (3:1 PSO). “Africa’s Team” didn’t disappoint, even if they made us sweat for a while. The two sides traded worthwhile chances early on, but the only memorable save came from Malian keeper Soumbeila Diakite in the 20^th. Letsholoyanye provided prodigy Tokelo Rantie with a decent slot pass. The #1 of “Les Aigles” bravely ventured forward to parry said effort. He slid consummately and took care of business with fully outstretched arms.

After Adama Tamboura floated an outlandishly dipping drive from forty yards out, there wasn’t another surefire chance until Thusa Phala orchestrated some insane drag-dribbling before linking up with the wide-open Rantie in the 31^st.

Mali wouldn’t gain an equalizer until the 58^th, but it was a pretty little play. Samba Sow leisurely prodded a forward pass in the general vicinity of Mahamadou Samassa. Samassa let it roll nearly all the way past the touchline before whipping back a slow glider that Seydou Keita grounded past a hapless keeper.

The flow settled down thereafter. Both sides didn’t appear to be suffering from a lack of ideas. Simple fatigue precluded anything special over the final half hour or the thirty added minutes of extra time. Siphiwe Tshabalala had the distinction of being the only substitute introduced in the overtime period, all other five possible substitutions having been previously utilized.

Dean Furman (a.k.a. “token white guy”) was the first to have his penalty saved. Mahlungu and Majoro soon followed suit. Diabate, Tamboura, and Mahamane Traore all converted with ease. Forward “Africa’s Team”!!

Sunday

Cote D’Ivoire vs. Nigeria

 vs. 

With “Brandy” and “Cailee” safely out of the house, spurn church for this high profile matchup. They tell us to expect a classic, and with good reason. At this juncture, there’s almost no predicting what sort of lineup Sabri Lamouchi will field. He’s kept us all guessing throughout the first three matches. Ostensibly, we’re all supposed to trust in the guru to select the proper eleven for this climatic clash with the always subtly threatening Super Eagles.

As tempting as it may be to push the “UPSET ALERT” button, I’ll confer the benefit of the doubt upon the Tunisian Trainer. Les Elephants surely find themselves on the “Road to Eventual Disappointment”….but not just yet. This Super Eagle side appears the most preposterous yet.

What the Good-Luck-Jonathaning fuck actually happened in the last match? Don’t get me wrong. I’m always happy to meet a line….but on two suspect penalties in the final eleven minutes?!?!?! That has to be among the weakest clinching performances I’ve ever witnessed!

Keshi may yet furnish a solution. His incessant tinkering with the central striker proves—if nothing else—that he maintains options. Uche? Musa? Moses? Emmenike? Mikel? Brown? Mba?

If nothing else, it’s worth finding a way to view this fixture if only to FINALLY resolve what sort of lineup these coaches will respectively trot out. In 10+ years of attempting to set lines based on lineups, I don’t think I’ve ever found myself more uncertain of who will be on the pitch. After you’ve noted whom the starting 20 outfielders are, it may be time to call up “Brandy” and “Calilee” to see if they’re interested in a Lazy Sunday featuring pizza, beer, and some casual sex.

Projected Lineups:

 “Les Elephants” 4-2-3-1 

Didier Drogba

Gervinho         Yaya Toure      Didier Yakonan

Cheick Tiote                  Max Gradel

Igor Lolo   I. Traore  K. Toure    Emmanuel Eboue

Boubacar Barry

 “Super Eagles” 4-3-2-1 

Ahmed Musa

Viktor Moses                              Emmanuel Emmenike

Sunday Mba       John Obi Mikel           Nosa Igiebor

U. Echiejile K. Ommerou G. Oboabona     Efe Ambrose

Vincent Enyeama

Prop Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own):

Over/Under ---4 Goals

120 Minutes— 2 to 1

Penalty Shootout— 3 to 1

Drogba brace—2 to 1

Drogba hat trick—5 to 1

Yakonan goal—straight up

Gervinho brace—straight up

Arouna Kone goal—straight up

Yaya Toure brace—2 to 1

Abdul Razak start—straight up

Soloman Kalou start—straight up

Romaric start—straight up

Barry howler—3 to 1

Wilfried Bony substitution (55+)—2 to 1

Viktor Moses brace—3 to 1

Ideye Brown start—2 to 1

Uche start—2 to 1

Joseph Yobo start—3 to 1

Onazi start—2 to 1

Onazi substitution (80+)—straight up

Ogude start—3 to 1

Mba substitution (45+)—2 to 1

Enyeama howler—3 to 1

Keshi howler—4 to 1

Uzoenyi substitution (70+)—2 to 1

THE LINE: Cote d’Ivoire +2 Goals

Editor’s retroactive notes:

RESULT: Nigeria 2, Cote d'Ivoire 1. Should have pushed the “upset special” button here. Clinching a spot in the Knockout Stages early often serves as a team’s death knell. Resting key players may intuitively seem like the best option, but the “Rust Factor” shouldn’t be immediately discounted. Yaya Toure returned from his rest cure unable to direct midfield traffic with his usual gravitas. Gervinho was similarly a non-factor in the left flank. Were also heard little from Romaric.

Matters began tentatively enough. Keshi’s Super Eagles peeled of a few warning shots during an opening half hour which effectively saw the two übertalented sides neutralize one another in midfield. In “Les Elephants” side of the pitch Soloman Kalou rocketed an ambitious effort from roughly 45 yards out that displayed dazzling power, yet came nowhere close to troubling the keeper.

Emmanuel Emmenike showed him how it was done in the 43^rd with an absolute laser from 40 yards off of a free kick. Romaric, Yaya Toure, and Emmanuel Eboue formed an indecisive wall to the right of the danger area. John Obi Mikel then caught tem napping, sliding a right forward prod ahead Emmenike, who then crushed a screamer around the trio before they could catch up. Vincent Enyeama, screened by his weak-kneed wall, didn’t see it until it was far too late. He attempted to swat it away like a Frisbee, but that would prove horribly insufficient.

Les Elephants charged out of the gate and drew level three minutes after the restart. They showcased their own deft ability to execute set-pieces. Drogba noticed Chieck Tiote alone behind all of the ruckus at the far post. He thus floated a lateral cross from centimeters outside the 18 that soared high above eight Nigerian defenders. Tiote crashed in and showed great anticipation in positioning himself for the snap header that left Enyeama with no chance. 

Keshi’s lads fought back to nearly reclaim the lead some four minutes later. Ideye Brown timed his jump nearly perfectly when rising to meet a Victor Moses corner. One must of course emphasize the adverb “nearly” in this context. He rose a fraction too soon and could only head it downward into the turf, where Barry could collect off a hop.

Barry, also deliberately rested in the previous match, might have made a crucial 78^th minute stop had he been more on his game. To be fair, Sunday Mba’s central drive from just outside the 18 took an impish deflection off halfback Sol Bamba. Nevertheless, Barry clearly witnessed the deflection in time and might have done better than first stuttering forward before backpedaling to swat it away.

The shellshocked Elephants couldn’t piece together a worthy response in the closing twelve minutes. Sabri Lamouchi justifiably took some heat for not utilizing all three of his substitutions. All he could do was pat 6 ft. 8 in. “Gentle Giant” Lacina Traore on the back in the 83^rd and hope that a distinct aerial advantage might produce something. Traore never touched the ball. 

Burkina Faso vs. Togo

 vs. 

Picking this one turns out to be easier than pissing in the sink. As infatuated as any human being can find himself with Adebayor & the Sparrow Hawks, one must bear in mind that “Adebayor & the Sparrow Hawks” connotates that ONE player can carry a team. Impossible. In spite of what we wish to ascribe to, based on the deep yearnings of our hearts, ONE man cannot pick up an entire team and carry them on his shoulders.

We’re free to fantasize. We can allow the thought to speculate as we fight the good fight on the treadmill, shim sham in a post-masturbation trance, down a beer after an especially challenging day, or ruminate on what role we play in our professional lives. Fact is, dreams only materialize when we lower our standards. Adebayor leading the Togolese over this Great Wall of Talent looks to be a notch too high.

It’s just not happening. Even if the Stallions must contend with the debilitating loss of A. Traore, Bance and Balima will prove more than competent in filling his boots. Pitroipa continues along the ride of his life. He’ll propel “Les Etalons” to the Promised Land…even if the Valley of Elah proves to be nothing more than a third-place finish. Time for Adebayor to find his way back to White Hart Lane, where A.V.B.’s Spurs will re-qualify for the Champions League.

Bravo, Togo. We hardly knew ye. Given your history, namely the ruthless attacks I can’t find a way to stop talking about, I’d be happy to see you stick around.

Projected Lineups:

 “The Stallions” 4-3-3 (modified) 

Jonathan Pitroipa    Aristide Bance      Benjamin Balima

Willy Sanou               D. Kone

Charles Kaboure

S. Panandetiguri  P. Koulibaly    B. Kone  Mohammed Koffi

Soulama

 “The Sparrow Hawks” 4-1-4-1 

Emmanuel Adebayor

Serge Gakpe    K. Amewou   A. Ramao      Floyd Ayite

Serge Akakpo

D. Djene     D. Nimbomde    V. Boussou     G. Mahmah

Kossi Agassa

Prop Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own):

Over/Under ---4 Goals

120 Minutes— straight up

Penalty Shootout— straight up

A. Traore start—4 to 1

Wilfried Dah start—3 to 1

P.P. Koulibaly start—4 to 1

P. Nakoulma start—3 to 1

Outarra start—3 to 1

Pitroipa brace—straight up

Pitroipa hat trick—2 to 1

Bance brace—2 to 1

Willy Sanou brace—3 to 1

Kaboure goal—straight up

D. Kone from outside the 18—straight up

A.R. Traore substitution (60+)—2 to 1

Adebayor brace—straight up

Adebayor hat trick—3 to 1

Ayite brace—2 to 1

Akakpo from outside the 18—straight up

Mani start—2 to 1

Damessi substitution (90+)—2 to 1

Wome substitution (75+)—2 to 1

Ramao rugby tackle—straight up

Mamah double yellows—3 to 1

THE LINE: Burkina Faso +1 Goal

GENTLEMEN, ENTER YOUR WAGERS

Editor’s retroactive notes:

RESULT: Burkina Faso 1, Togo 0. It took 120 minutes to separate these two nations. After 121 minutes, your friendly bookie found himself separated from a coveted wad of cash. The Stallions were definitely the sexier pick. One just fancied them as a more balanced and creative squad. The choice was inspired. The betting system left plenty to be.

Once again all of us football enthusiasts found ourselves ruing the fact that the Nelspruit pitch—a veritable sandpit—literally precluded the skill players from gaining a foothold. Wily Sanou and Outtara didn’t dare venture past the 18 for the entire first half. Ayita and Gapke couldn’t shake their markers. Both earned yellows for offensive fouls that stemmed from their frustration. Adebayor’s name was also seldom called. The first hint of attacking intent from the him came shortly after the restart. Amewou worked in a searching cross that the Spurs forward shouldered forward. 

His robust challenge beat out airborne defender Mohammed Koffi and onrushing keeper Diakite, but Panandetiguiri managed to hustle back and clear the ball off the line. There were appeals for a penalty in the 76^th when Prejuice Nakoulma appeared to be tripped up in the box by Vincent Boussou. Senegalese referee Badarra Diatta correctly judged that Nakoulma had simply lost his footing on the unforgiving surface.

Adebayor burst forward with blistering speed a few minutes later. After chesting a goal kick forward he blew past Paul Koulibaly and shook off a wicked slide tackle from Babary Kone to find himself alone on goal. The shifty pitch was likely on his mind, however, as he cautiously tiptoed towards the keeper before attempting an uncharacteristically dull finish.

Paul Put’s men yielded little worth discussing well into extra time. With A. Traore missing, Bance ruled out, and Dah ineffective, elder statesman Moumoni Dagano was given the starting Center Forward position and the captain’s armband for good luck. Sanou and Outtara seemed if anything disinterested in him. Substitutes Nakoulma and A.R. Traore all but gave up on him, instead attempting to interject some pace into the match via their own worthy runs.

One player Outtara, Nakoulma, and Sanou appeared to be on the lookout for was Pitroipa, who had done a serviceable job of claiming some space for himself in the slot. The former Bundesligist may have seemed uncomfortable in his role as an anchoring striker, but he still strove to make a few things happen. He combined with Outtara and A.R. Traore for some promising triangulation late in the second half. When teaming up with Nakoulma, he clearly had some pre-meditated give-and-gos in mind.

Just when it seemed like every drawn-up idea would result in a broken play, the deciding goal arrived at the tail end of the first period of extra time. Kabore swung in a low corner towards the near post. The ever-resourceful Pitroipa duped his marker into thinking Kabore would play it short, then sprinted into position to meet the service and finish with a perfectly executed header.