CC 2013--Goodbyes and Championship Pick

Alvorada Syndicate Members,

Time to get saccharine, sentimental, slushy, soapy, and even downright tender. If you’re a new syndicate member finding it difficult to cope with over 2000 pages of esoteric text, I highly recommend skimming through all NINE “Goodbyes and Championship Picks” Sections. Your friendly bookie ultimately likes communicating with you in a sincere fashion. After all of the sardonic shadowboxing, there comes a climactic time for heartfelt words. Like any quixotic dreamer, I’m absolutely nothing without you. In a world inundated by “information overload”, you took a few minutes to, at the very least, casually browse through my words. It doesn’t matter to me how paltry your numbers are. It will never matter ; )

Before we get to really schmaltzy stuff, a few administrative matters must be attended to.

First, the “e-mail riff of the day” necessitates a response:

E-mail Riff of the Day

(Female) Reader: You’re nothing more than a wannabe professor. You should consider settling down.

Vicey: Awwww….. “Jessie”, how do you know always know just when to call?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4q2f8lqpU7c

I’ll take that as a compliment. Paint your pictures about “how it’s gonna be.” Tell me all about our little “trailer by the sea”. By now I definitely know better. Your dreams are never free. We’ll never drink tequila and look for seashells. I can’t listen to you promise anymore. Life is about working entirely too hard only to be unceremoniously dismissed in the end. That’s all there is.

So it goes.

Next, Syndicate Member deserve an up-to-date account of the “Hot Girl Standings”

Hot Girl Standings

Country	Tally	Games Played
Brazil	82	4
Spain	53	4
Italy	41	4
Mexico	42	3 (finished)
Uruguay	30	4
Japan	23	3 (finished)
Nigeria	23	3 (finished)
Tahiti	16	3 (finished)

Almost zero hopes of an upset. Perhaps things will be different next summer. Final standings will be disseminated upon the arrival of the next syndicate.

Next, we must address my stats:

My Updated Stats—

Spread: 4-10

Straight up: 9-4-1

What can I say? Na Rua, Na Chuva, Na Fazenda. Your friendly bookie sits reliably in the black. To date, the only Syndicate I actually lost money on remains this Spring’s Papal Election. True. “Syndicate: Jesus on the Moneyline” didn’t work out as I had hoped. ; ( ; ( Perhaps God exists after all.

Finally, we must set lines for the consolation prize:

Third Place Match—Italy vs. Uruguay

 vs. 

The marathon 120-minute firework show that took two rounds of Sudden Death Penalty Kicks to decide will surely leave Chielleni, Bonucci, Maggio, De Rossi, Pirlo, and Gaicherreni too exhausted to participate. A positive outlook prevails for the Wops, even if the injured Balotelli will be unable to play. Prandelli can easily dust off Abate, Giovinco, and Diamanti.

This match will feature more aged has-beens than the United States Senate. Nevertheless, “Spaghetti-Fresser” will salvage some pride against the Uruguayan reserves.

THE LINE: Italy + 1 Goal

Editor’s retroactive notes:

RESULT: Italy 3, Uruguay 2. (a.e.t. 3-2 PSO) Come kickoff time many of us were pondering the utility of a third place match in an eight-nation tournament. What was the use of a consolation prize in a dry-run competition that winning is already considered a consolation prize? Fortunately, the 22 participants demonstrated that they did in fact care and gave us quite the entertaining show. The result constituted another strong argument for the implementation of Third Place Matches in ALL international tournaments. Listening UEFA?

Initially both sides played as one might expect in a meaningless match. One had the impression that no one particularly wanted to be playing football on a sunny day in Salvador. The Wops then broke in open in the 24^th. Diamanti’s fine curling free kick deserved the far post corner. It got the actual far post instead, but then took a lucky bounce off of Uruguayan keeper Fernando Muslera and hit the line square. Backup centerback David Astori nudged it over the line for the lead. After being denied a goal by a close offside decision, La Celeste finally drew level thirteen minutes after the restart when Arevalo set up Cavani with a sweet little diamond cutter. Cavani let it roll until he could pounce on it with full momentum for the first-time finish.

Uruguay kept the pressure on with worthy efforts from Forlan and Suarez, but the Azzurri would recapture the lead in the 73^rd courtesy of another Diamanti set-piece gem. The tyro Walter Gragano studded down Diamanti just outside the area with a late challenge. The Bologna midfielder then peeled off a real beauty, bending his effort outside the wall and past the fully outstretched arms of Muslera. Cavani tied matters up with his own brilliant free-kick a scant five minutes later. Tripped up by Christina Rodriguez, Cavani blasted a swerving 35-yard hellfire missile over the wall and past a flailing Buffon.

Not much to report on in with respect to either the final twelve minutes or the additional half hour of added time. Suarez tried to gain an advantage with some of his patented simulation, but that was about it. Fatigue was clearly a factor for the Italians, who also had to play with ten men after Montolivo was sent off on double yellows in the 110^th. Forlan set the tone of the shootout with a weak ground effort that was scooped up by Buffon. The Talismanic Wop Captain would also hold on to low drives from Caceres and Gargano. Aquilani, El Shaarawy, and Giacherreni all converted to secure the win and the bronze in Confed Cup 2013.  

Now we’ve determidedly arrived at the mushy part. We’ll employ the bold font, just for good measure:

Time to say goodbye. For many of you, the words I presently write will be the final ones we exchange for another year. It’s even possible that they're the final communiqués we’ll ever. People move on, and they have every right to do so. I’ve ethereally poked fun at the girl that suggested I pursue who suggested that I pursue a tenured full-professorship, but I honestly understand how PhDs feel. An individual can pour every last morsel of his or her heart and soul into teaching and looking after others, only to feel as if all the thoughtful advice was useless. As the years pass, even the most lionhearted amongst us grows cold and cynical. Our eyes are no longer able to recognize the “bright stars” in our limited field of vision.

I’m truly sorry if I’ve missed any “bright stars” that crossed my path. I may only be a “Pretend Professor”, but I’m just as guilty as a real one when it comes to ignoring real talent. All I have to modestly offer in return is the hope that you’ll join us for our next Syndicate in a few weeks…..which essentially means I have practically nothing to offer ; ( Care to come watch some European Women’s Football? I can’t hope to convince you. Even this ultra-cool graphic won’t sway you:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DIlzGCov9E

I’m certainly no salesman. I’m merely a humble bookie who enjoys both reading and writing existential ramblings to escape the monotony of daily life. Curious about how deep the roots of the Syndicate burrow? Days of searching yield the following:

From 2009’s “Syndicate: Afterlife”

Denmark

Copenhagen’s comin’ along! Hmm. I should preface that I am referring to the Danish National Football Team and not the “Climate Change Treaty”. That accord is not “coming along” very well at all. If you’re hoping for some sort of multilateral breakthrough at the Copenhagen Conference in December (that includes you Angie), you’re dreaming! Kyoto had much more willpower, and cuter waitresses. I’ve been searching everywhere for the U.S. Position Points for the Copenhagen Conference, only to discover that there aren’t any. Whoops. This could be Barack Obama’s worst visit to Copenhagen since…..nevermind. Let’s skip it.

I’m ordinarily not a fan of the Danes. They ticketed me once for crashing a Lego Car. On top of that, they want to kill puppies and eat kittens. Okay I made the part about kittens up. In spite of my preconceived prejudices, I’m getting motivated for the Danes using two new cheers I just invented:

1) Ever since a Jeopardy! Clue a couple of weeks ago, I’ve had the song “Da Da Da” from 1980s German New Wave Band “Trio” stuck in my head. Though the German Kraftwerk clones disbanded in 1985, a Volkswagen commercial in 1997 revived the song and elevated the band to cult status. Does anyone remember what I’m talking about?

“Da Da Da. Ich lieb dich nicht du liebst mich nicht….uh-uh…da da da” Two guys drive around in a Volkswagen Golf, pick up a couch from the garbage and then drop it after determining that it doesn’t smell so good? Anyone? Oh for Christ Sake, here’s the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_s5-R_JE4c

The song is virtually impossible to expel from one’s head. Here’s my effort:

“Da Da Danes….Da Da Danes…….Da Da Danes……Da Da Danes. Ich lieb euch nicht. Ihr liebt mich nicht…uh-uh….Da Da Danes…..Da  Da Danes…..Da Da Danes”

2) Gøøøøøøøøøøøøøøøøøøøøøøøøøø Danes!!!!

Yes, like a Druish Prince at Hanukah, I am so overjoyed to have found out how to make an “ø” on my keyboard. Now all I have left to figure out is this weird Froggy circumflex. Join me in welcoming the following Danish players:

-Anders Møller Christenson

-Thomas Sørenson

-Per Krøldrup

-Jesper Grønkjar

-Martin Jørgenson

-Beøwulf

Obviously, Beowulf is not coming along. I was watching the animated feature last night, shocked that my favorite 12^th Grade English reading assignment could be so thoroughly ruined. Even Angelina Jolie couldn’t save that movie!!

Germany

Before I get to the gloating, I would like to request a moment of silence for our keeper, Robert Enke. Robert took his own life on Tuesday, throwing himself in front of a RegionalExpress near Hanover. Details remain sketchy. He was a professional success with a beautiful young family. It boggles the mind what would possess someone with so much going for him to voluntarily leave this earth. Robert, I don't know why you did it. Whatever your reasons, I hope you found the peace you were looking for. Wir werden sie nicht vergessen! Herzlichen dank für ihren Beitrag. J

Tragedy notwithstanding, life must always go on.

Editor’s retroactive notes:

A heavy national discussion ensued, focused primarily on the topics of clinical depression and the debilitating pressures of ultra-competitive environments. That frail and doubting human beings somehow discern a way of navigating the cruel rat race every day can occasionally be seen as a miracle. There exist no regular blueprints, no guaranteed tactics, and no consistently effective strategies to combat what random neuro-chemical cocktail the mind has selected for you on any given day. Each individual plows through the regular mental maelstroms with an ephemeral set of methods and gimmicks that work…until they no longer do. The misleading cliché so often written about Robert and those who chose his fate was that they lost the battle. However, to attach the connotations of a fight to the whole process serves to mislead. One has as much control over one’s mood as the weather above. The objective is never to forcibly resist, merely to endure. I’m aware that a few simplistic words mean nothing to those who lie crushed in a compact heap in some shade-drawn little prison of room, the weight of the world gradually compressing the space into an ever-tinier cell. The only advice one can dispense is to hang tough and sweat it out. You will feel better soon. Even if no one can reach you, you will feel better soon.     

You’ll feel better soon, mates. Don’t ignore that crucial fact. YOU’LL FEEL BETTER SOON!! 

Love you guys. The Lines are calling…..

Supreme Champion of the (Dress Rehearsal) Football Universe-- Spain vs. Brazil

 vs. 

One couldn’t have wished for a better matchup, and….ALL BETS ARE ON! I lend little credence to the theory that del Bosque’s crew will find themselves spent after the Italian endurance test. Pique may be hurt. Toress, Xavi, and Iniesta may be unavailable. It matters not. Fabregas, Soldado, and Villa are well-rested and rearing' to go. The “sweaty walrus” did well to save his “A-team” for the final. Jordi Alba’s dip in form doesn’t produce much cause for concern either. Monreal can be deputized as a serviceable replacement. Albiol will undoubtedly earn a starting cap in place of Arbeloa and fresh legs will keep the match competitive.

What does concern me is Ramos’s fatigue level. Moreover, the ever-fickle and superstitious Casillas will surely have problems rebounding from his moribund shootout performance. Such weaknesses at the back leave La Roja prone to a miscue or two. A sliver of opportunity is all Neymar needs. Hence, Brazil will capture their fourth consecutive Confederations Cup. The protests will gradually ebb….provided that Rouseff keeps her promises. ; )

THE LINE: Brazil +1 Goal

Editor’s retroactive notes:

RESULT: Brazil 3, Spain 0. What a lucrative ass-whopping and it was all over early on! Your friendly bookie raked home the dough. A huge day for Fred, who had himself a brace at 48 minutes. He also had the opening goal inside of two minutes with a tenacious effort he poked in while laying on the ground.

Hulk chipped in a cross that bounced off Neymar. Fred had fallen down after colliding with Arvalo Arbeloa and Sergio Ramos, but still had the presence of mind to kick in the loose ball before Casillas could flop on it. The full capacity crowd at the historic Maracana went berserk and then proceeding to will their boys to absolute first half dominance. Oscar, Paulinho, and Fred peppered Casillas with multiple distance strikes. The only break in the one-way bombardment came when Iniesta tested Julio Cesar in the 19^th with a paced ball that QPR’s #1 nonchalantly pushed aside.

La Roja showed some life as the first half drew to a close. Pedro beat the keeper, only to see David Luiz clear his cetain goal off the line in the 42^nd. Neymar answered back two minutes later after Oscar sprung the offside trap with an awesome short pass. The young phenom took one steadying touch before launching a left-footed rocket that bulged the top of the net.

The Samba Kings picked up right where they left off after the break. Two minutes into the second half, Oscar dished in the direction of Neymar and Fred. Neymar let it pass, but Fred snapped home from the left millimeters inside the 18. It just wasn’t Spain’s day. Sergio Ramos took a poor penalty shot in the 55^th that hit the outside of the bar. Del Bosque had burned all three of his substitutions by the 59^th in an effort to shake things up. To no avail. By the time Gerard Pique was sent off with a straight red in the 68^th this one was already over. The Big Dog had lead his super squad back to Confed Glory.

Now the real test begins…along with ALL THE FUN!!

GENTLEMEN, ENTER YOUR WAGERS

We’ll meet again. The Syndicate shall return. Now get out of here….and GO KICK A BALL WITH A STRANGER!!

CC 2013--Semifinals

Na Ruda, Na Chuva, Na Fazenda Syndicate Members,

Anyone who has not yet seen “City of God” needs to obtain a copy post haste! It’s not available at your local Redbox. You won’t find it in your town’s “Mom & Pop Video Rental”…if such a storefront still exists where you live. Just see the damn movie….it’s Roger Ebert’s dying wish.

An oblique reference to the Favelas leads us to a fantastic segue for today’s “e-mail riff”  

E-mail Riff of the Day

(Female) Reader: Instead of counting “Hot Girls”, why don’t you address the Brazilian Protests?

Vicey: It would be my great pleasure ; ). Don’t let my love of the puerile fool you. I’m actually an entirely too well read individual who wastes an inordinate amount of time reading newspapers. I keep myself über-informed, much to the detriment of anything resembling a social life. Not only am I aware of Latin American Political Activists, I make it my business to write about them:

From “WBC 2013: Round Four”:

--One piece of writing I can link to is the fascinating vlog of Chilean activist Camila Vallejo. Here’s a Guardian article that will take you all the way to the Promised Land:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/nov/20/chile-student-rebel-camila-vallejo

Yes, I’m attracted to her. That doesn’t mean she’s not a genius!

Your friendly bookie obstinately refuses to be a shallow individual, no matter the costs may be ; ) While we’re all engaged in the frivolous exercise of watching football, everyone should pay heed to the legitimate grievances of those in lands that lack social justice. You may point out that the U.S. also lags behind when it comes to “Social Justice”, but that’s nothing more than a moot point. Whatever tribulations you face, it doesn’t compare to the challenges a full third of the world must deal with. Poverty sucks. I can attest to that. Nevertheless, “abject poverty” sucks even more. Imagine not knowing when your next meal will come.

The people of Brazil rise up in reasonable and rational opposition to policies that affect their daily lives. The movement began as a simple gathering of voices opposed to an increase in transit fees. Confronted with the opulence of the Confederations Cup, ordinary citizens understandably wondered why all of these ornate new stadiums were being erected directly in their faces. The World Cup may bring a hoard of tourism dollars, but will the money be adequately re-distributed?

Brazilians have had to put up with far too much wasteful nonsense. After Lula’s departure, the Rousseff administration has been plagued by one scandal after another. The manner in which corrupt government officials aggrandize and enrich themselves constitutes a personal affront to all those who seeking to make a living in an unfair society. Rousseff herself is a former Guerilla Commander who spent years in prison fighting for the same rights that the protesters currently reach for.

The moral of the whole sordid tale is as follows: Life remains unfair. My Syndicate Members know this. The key is to remain humble, even in the face of improbable success When Rouseff addressed the nation; she reminded everyone that peaceful protests were completely acceptable. She also promised to invest all of the World Cup income in the “Bolsa Familia Program”. Time will tell if that promise will be fulfilled, but the words sounded sincere in any case. Brasilia my full permission (as if that means anything) to rise up in protest just as the South Africans did in 2010 and 2013. It’s not cool to have people celebrate a manufactured carnival on your doorstep ;)

Sorry to be the arrogant Westerner seeking escape from his First World Problems. I just love football. Love your movement too….

Editor’s retroactive notes:

….and you can plan on reading more of this as our summer tradition continues. Sorry, young Brazilians. If you wish to know what life was like under a REAL dictatorship…ask your parents. 

Hot Girl Standings

Country	Tally	Games Played
Brazil	51	3
Mexico	42	3 (finished)
Spain	30	3
Uruguay	29	3
Italy	23	3
Japan	23	3 (finished)
Nigeria	23	3 (finished)
Tahiti	16	3 (finished)

We went from the apex known as the “perfect segue” to the superficial nadir known as “I’d like to poke hat bitch”. Sorry, again, for the awkward transition. Quite the “Photo Finish” we have shaping up.

Goodbyes Section.

Nigeria (3 games played, 7 goals, 23 Hot Girls)

It’s a sentimental farewell for our beloved “Super Eagles”, but by no means was it unanticipated. As this bookie augured in his preview section, Keshi possessed almost no intent to make the knockout stages. This was blatantly evidenced by his squad selection. The “Real-Deal Super Eagles” whom we will ideally behold next Summer include Premiership stars Uche, Emmenike, Uzoenyi, Igiebor, and Obiriah. Don’t let this team’s atrocious finishing in this tournament fool you. They’ll return with the “Top Guns” in eleven months time.

Learning the names and back-stories of the debutants proved a fascinating exercise indeed. One couldn’t help but root for players like Ujah, Akpala, Gambo, Omeruo,  Babatunde and Oduamadi as they fought like hell to prove themselves on what for them was a much grander stage. How did everyone do? So glad you asked. I’ve been dying to tell you!

Omeruo appeared the incontrovertible “weakest link” in Keshi’s back four. I sincerely doubt will be seeing him at Stamford Bridge anytime soon. Keshi’s centre-backs did a deplorable job keeping the defensive line tight. Were it not for the heroic antics of Vincent Enyeama, the “Super Eagles” might have suffered even more humiliating lopsided losses to La Celeste and La Roja. Keshi’s top priority moving forward will be to sort out the absolute mess at the back. Fullbacks Ambrose and Echiejile roam far too much for their own good. While their admirable offensive ambitions prove for some entertaining football, they set a bad example for centre-backs Omeruo and Oboabona. This duo repeatedly attempted to emulate the fullbacks, abandoning their posts with reckless abandon. It thus came as no surprise that virtually every goal scored against the African Champions left your bookie screaming “Get back! Get Back!” at his inanimate television set.

Only the truly skilled can execute precision tackling after scrambling to catch up with the line. As a terrible tackler myself, I take no pleasure in being so hard on Omeruo and Oboabona ; ( ; (. The fact remains, their poor-positioning, haphazard attempts to stick a leg out, and hesitance to employ the slid tackle ended up costing me a nice chunk of change ; (. Dammit. Fix the back four, Keshi! You were once a solid stay-at-home defensemen, were you not? At the very least give Kwambe and Benjamin some playing time!

Didn’t see all that much of Egwuekwe or Babatunde, but it would be fair to say that they made their contribution to this tournament’s defensive nightmare. On the offensive side of the pitch, Nnamdi Oduamadi made a strong case for his permanent inclusion with a splendid Hat Trick against the Tahitians. A.C. Milan will be calling him back soon. Mohammed Gambo, Ujah and Joseph Akpala all came within a few seconds of indecisiveness of some truly memorable goals. No question they’ve got speed, touch, and talent. All they lack is a bit of poise. Such a shame that nerves got the better of them. Ideye Brown, Ogude, and Mba have no such excuses. They know how to convert. What the hell happened?

John Obi Mikel the lone goalscorer in competitive matches? Who could have predicted that? The 26-year-old defensive midfielder hasn’t scored for Chelsea since 2007! Weird and wild stuff. It still counts as fantastic news. Watch as the Nigerian Captain parlays his confidence into a great club season and returns next Summer ready to lead this team all the way to the quarterfinals. Can’t wait to see these lads back in action. With qualification essentially assured, all we have to do is sit back and wait. Goodbye, “Super Eagles”. I’ll miss you madly.

Editor’s retroactive notes:

….and one can look forward to tomes of material on the Super Eagles as well ; )

Mexico (3 games played, 3 goals, 42 Hot Girls)

Jose Manuel de la Torre looks to keep his job…for now. He might as well get used to having a toasty ass, however, as he’ll remain on the hot seat throughout the Fall. Javier Hernandez (or “Chichirito”) cannot carry this squad all by his lonesome. We witnessed some legitimate signs of life from Pablo Barrera and Giovanni dos Santos, but Hernandez still needs a partner. De La Torre rolled out a 4-2-3-1, a 4-4-1-1, and a 4-2-3-1 in his respective matches. Nothing came close to working until he called Raul Jimenez up front to assist Hernandez after halftime in the Japanese fixture.

Someone needs to be on hand to “spring” Hernandez when he makes his blitzing runs. Torrado is simply too old. Jimenez represents one option, but Aquino or Zavala remain better ones. Hell, it might even prove prudent to give Moreno a shot in midfield. The Espanyol Talisman can serve as a dependable and efficient flight director even in central defense.

Despite the fact that El Tri are currently fighting for their lives in CONCACAF Qualifying, grounds for optimism abound. The team undeniably improved with each match. Keeper Jose de Jesus Corona had another great tournament. Guillermo Ochoa didn’t do half bad either. Francisco Javier Rodriguez was nothing if not stellar. Salcido, deputized all over the pitch, proved himself versatile and consistently effective.

CONCACAF Qualifying resumes on September 6^th. De la Torre requires a big win against the Hondurans or he’s fired. He has less than three months to figure out how to best augment Hernandez’s fine form. Consider that time enough. It’s highly likely that the Aztec Warriors will join us next Summer. This bookie is now 90 percent certain.

Editor’s retroactive notes:

When de la Torre finally got the ax, I remained one among many wondering what in the Baja-loafing-fuck took so goddamned long.

Japan (3 games played, 4 goals, 23 Hot Girls)

Kersplat…what a disappointment; (As hard as it may be to believe, the Japanese have ALREADY qualified for 2014, so it’s a forgone conclusion that we’ll see them again. In the meantime, I wish to proffer Alberto Zaccheroni some amateurish advice:

1) Stick with the 3-4-3. Okazaki, Honda, and Kagawa NEED to play together up front.

2) See if you can’t partner Hosogai and Hasebe together in central midfield. The “Bundesliga Brothers” seem capable of engineering a “quick cut” short-passing game that rivals only del Bosque’s “el ticky-tacky” in terms of tiring out one’s opponents.

3) Oh man does Hiroki Sakai ever look good ; ) He may play for Hannover, but he’s charged and he has heart. Start him at Right Fullback.

4) Nagatomo or Nakamura? It’s a fair question. The aged Nakamura should move to the back while the peaking Nagatomo moves forward. It’s just an idea. ; )

5) Ditch Havenaar and make Honda a permanent striker. The CSKA Moscow forward is simply too hungry to ignore.

6) Hire Kawaguchi to mentor Kawashima. It’ll be beneficial for both sides.

7) Find a German club for Maeda. He may be 31-years-of-age…so that means he’ll have to play for Schalke. Big deal. Show up prepared for 2014 with a crew that plays against one another in the same league. It’ll work. Trust me.

That’s all she wrote, Blue Samurai. Can’t wait to see you guys tear it up next Summer ; )

Editor’s retroactive notes:

Poor Hasebe. Nothing sucks quite like languishing for FC Nürnberg. Okazaki has really taken off at Mainz. Hosogai holds his ground. Nagatoma appears to have won the battle, now and forever more. Havenaar has indeed been ditched. All signs point to Honda being made a permanent striker, at least in terms of the national team. It matters not who has been mentoring Kawashima. He’s back as Zaccheroni’s #1 for good or for ill. Maeda never made it to Germany, or to Brazil. Understandable. It was merely a random postulation.

Tahiti (3 games played, 1 goal, 16 Hot Girls)

I’m not ashamed to be remiss. Really looking forward to NEVER thinking about this country or its team again. Pop that champagne cork. Goodbye and good-riddance.

My Updated Stats—

Spread: 4-8

Straight up: 7-4-1

Yikes. Those stats suck. What doesn’t suck (at least not unconditionally) are my Group Stage Predictions:

From “CC 2013: Judgment Play”:

Vicey’s Fearless Group Prediction (2 to 1 odds for bookie):

1) Brazil 

2) Japan 

3) Italy 

4) Mexico 

Actual Results:

1) Brazil 

2) Italy 

3) Mexico 

4) Japan 

        

From “CC 2013: Judgment Play”:

Vicey’s Fearless Group Prediction (2 to 1 odds for bookie):

1) Spain 

2) Uruguay 

3) Nigeria 

4) Tahiti 

Actual Results:

1) Spain 

2) Uruguay 

3) Nigeria 

4) Tahiti 

Close enough. Prandelli and the boys continue to amaze.

All lines are calculated personally by your friendly bookie Vicey…..a certifiable loser by societal standards. The correspondence that follows is, as always, crafted with sincere amity for those who appreciate sharp wit and an extra spot of fun in their day. Should you prefer solemnity, drama, and conflict… kindly return to worrying whether you’re the “biggest loser” or the “a loser of second-tier status”.   

Wednesday

Brazil vs. Uruguay

 vs. 

This is a match of great historical significance. It was back in 1950 that Pelé watched Uruguay defeat Brazil in the Championship Match with his father. His father began sobbing after the 2-1 defeat. Like any worthwhile son, he consoled his father and assured him that he would win a World Cup for him. He would bring the trophy back to Brazil. After West Germany improbably won the 1954 Title, Pelé made good on his promise with two consecutive titles in 1958 and 1962. Uruguay would never again trouble the mighty Brazilians. They won’t trouble them here either.

Scolari has too many options. He can place Neymar up front alongside Fred and Hulk. He can start Fred as the lone striker with Oscar backing him up on the short side. He can any number of things with Paulinho and Gustavo in midfield. Floran, Suarez, and Cavani will have difficulty penetrating Danny Alvez, Silva, and Ruiz.

Er…..isn’t it funny how one has difficulty writing sentences that utilize the verb “to penetrate” without giggling immaturely? 

Projected Lineups:

 “The Samba Kings” (4-2-1-2-1) 

Fred

Neymar               Hulk

Oscar

Gustavo    Marcelo  Luiz  Silva Alves   Paulinho

Cesar

 “La Celste” (4-4-2) 

Edinson Cavani              Luiz Suarez

Cristian Rodriguez  Diego Forlan  Maxi Peirera Edgido Arevalo

Martin Caceres Diego Godin  Diego Lugano Andres Scotti

Fernando Muslera

Prop Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own):

Over/Under ---4 Goals

120 Minutes— 2 to 1

Penalty Shootout—3 to 1

THE LINE: Brazil +2 Goals

Editor’s retroactive notes:

RESULT: Brazil 2, Uruguay 1. It proved quite entertaining from start to finish. Every bit the spectacle one anticipated from arguably the world’s two most intriguingly inconsistent superpowers. The above ruminations were cute to a point. Let’s talk about the match.

An egregiously dumb foul from David Luiz led to a 13^th minute penalty that Diego Forlan aberrantly elected to shoot low. Wrong choice. Shooting low always gives the keeper a 50-50 chance. Fred opened the scoring in the 41^st with an athletic finish off a rebound. Cavani equalized three minutes after the restart when Marcelo offered a pathetic tackle just shy of the right hash mark well inside the 18.

Cavani came close to a brace twelve minutes later, but he could only screw his deflected shot off the wrong side of the far post. Just when we thought we were headed for 120 minutes, Pauliho rose to head home a Neymar corner in the 86^th. Correctly challenging a corner is no small thing ; )

Thursday

Italy vs. Spain

 vs. 

Party’s over, Wops. You’re not going anywhere. Giacherenni’s brilliance and Chielleni’s flopping aside, you can’t possibly hope to thrust past Ramos, Pique, and Alba. Hehehehe. “thrust past”. Writing about sports often leaves one with little choice but to employ sexual innuendo. It’s not my fault. I swear it! “Penetrate” the wall. “Thrust” through to the ultimate destination. “Score”…as the kids today put it. IT’S NOT MY FAULT. Not my fault that most attack formations are phallic and most defense formations are vaginal. NOT MY FAULT!

Anyway, del Bosque will likely deploy Pedro and Soldado in tandem. Torres will be introduced around the 60^th minute to close the deal. Beware, Wops. Closing time. 

Projected Lineups:

 “La Roja” (4-3-3) 

Fabregas        Soldado       Pedro

Iniesta   Busquests Xavi Hernandez

Jordi Alba Gerrard Pique Sergio Ramos Alvaro Arbeola

Iker Casillas

 “The Azzurri” (4-2-3-1) 

Mario Balotelli

Daniel De Rossi      Claudio Marchisio

Alberto Aquilani Ricardo Montolivo  Emmanuele Giacherrini

Mattia De Sciglio Girogio Chiellini Leonardo Bonnucci Ignazio Abate

Gianluigi Buffon

Prop Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own):

Over/Under ---5 Goals

120 Minutes—Straight up

Penalty Shootout—2 to 1

THE LINE: Spain +3 Goals

GENTLEMEN, ENTER YOUR WAGERS

Editor’s retroactive notes:

RESULT: Spain 1, Italy 0 (a.e.t 7-6 PSO). Just couldn’t separate these two sides. 120 minutes wasn’t enough. Twelve consecutive converted penalties wasn’t enough. At the end of the night one had the impression that we might as well have flipped a coin.

Del Bosque deployed a 4-3-3 with a distinctive “V Shape” that canceled out Prandelli’s attacking-minded 4-2-4-1. With the other attackers successfully absorbed, only wingers  Maggio and Giacherreni were able to gain traction early on. On two occasions Giacherenni floated lateral crosses Maggio’s way and the Napoli midfielder headed in efforts on target. The latter link-up, in the 17^th, was simply gorgeous. Giacherreni pulled back inside the left-hand corner of the box and the trailing Maggio timed his run perfectly. A forceful diving header was the end result, but Casillas somehow managed to stand tall. The pair pulled off something similar in the 36^th. Nothing much doing at the other end and the twin Azzuri flankers dominated first half proceedings. Torres found himself in space late on, but wasted his opportunity by screwing a shot wide.

Despite the fact that his team clearly enjoyed the better of first half chances, Prandelli was the one compelled to make halftime adjustments. He replaced centerback Andrea Barzagli with midfielder Ricardo Montilivo. De Rossi was deputized to drop back into the defensive corps in a highly unorthodox 3-4-2-1.  Del Bosque responded by pulling David Silva in favor of Jesus Navas in the 53^rd. Navas got an effort in on Buffon when he was still fresh-legged, but other than that the two tactical substitutions yielded little beyond midfield deadlock for the duration of the second half.

Things picked up considerable in extra time. Maggio refused to give into exhaustion. His quality possession play in the 93^rd lead to a glorious opportunity for Giacherreni, who cannoned a shot that slammed off the left post. Six minutes later L Roja’s Jordi Alba came within inches of scoring with a strong effort just over the bar. The Spaniards came closest to scoring in the second half of extra time when Xavi rifled in a tracer bullet from 45 yards out that Buffon fingertipped off the right post. The rebound fell to Javi Martinez, who shuffled just millimeters in front of a wide open Juan Mata waiting at the left post.

To penalties we went. As spectactular as Buffon had been in the second period of extra time, he couldn’t stop Xavi, Iniesta, Pique, Ramos, Mata, and Busquets  from ALL finding the back of the net with their spot kicks. Casillas proved similarly ineffective. Candreva, Aquilani, De Rossi, Giovinco, Pirlo, and Montolivo all beat him. That hard-luck goat turned out to be Bonucci, whose lapse of concentration saw him overpower his effort over. The lucky hero turned out to be Navas, who converted Spain’s seventh to set up the dream final.