CAN 2015--Semi-Finals

Morgen Syndicate Members,

Let’s all take a moment to congratulate the Socceroos of Australia on their first AFC Cup. They may have cost me a great deal of money, but Troisi’s hard-fought stab-in after the fanciful finish from Song Heung-Min in the 91^st means they fought hard enough.

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Welcome to Russia, Socceroos. “Operation Barbarossa” begins with you. The most inviolable Krauts seek to defend their title, and it all begins with you.

 

We’ll meet you there, flatlanders

Back to Africa. Semi-Final lines may appear predictable at first glance, but the fickle continent likely has much more in store for us.

My Updated Stats:

Spread: 7-21

Straight Up: 7-11-10

Merging these stats with the updated ones from the recently completed AFC Continental Championship:

Spread: 21-39

Straight Up: 28-21-11

Could have been worse….or so your friendly bookie is fond of telling himself before he rolls over and fails to go to sleep. ; )

Let’s check the mail:

Reader: Wish I had a time machine. I’d take you back to where you were six years ago.

Vicey: I know, brother 87-M. Vintage Syndicate Posts have become popular as of late. They aged well, just like a bottle of Old Vine Red Zinfandel. You composed the best post. That’s why you’re the only one featured in this mailbag.

What a world it might be if all of us didn’t have to worry about waking up for work the next morning. Wouldn’t be really cool if none of us had to worry about managing all of the disparate personalities that infiltrate our daily lives? Bliss may be accurately defined as the “freedom to learn/read ALL day and every day”.

Thank you, 87-M.

 And STOP referencing “WMQ 2009”!!

“A Syndicate Classic”

Let’s do it, brothers. Let’s travel back in time four years. Farewells are in order. Your bookie will soon follow suit. Let’s journey back to the best of the best “Farewell Sections” that your friendly bookie had to offer.

From WM 2010—“Goodbyes and Championship Pick”

As we stand before the terminus of our month-long festival, I am finally prepared to use that phrase. It saddens me greatly that this is farewell until 2012, unless of course Ratzinger dies unexpectedly and I have privilege of writing another “Pope-a-Palooza” betting pool. Unlike the von Trapp Family Singers, I am not particularly skilled at saying goodbye. I find myself more blocked that John Goodman during the season finale of “Treme”. Not only must we part, but our next rendezvous will be for Euro 2012 in……the Ukrain (a location I am frankly sick of talking about). Before I throw myself off the West Bank Ferry, do allow me to try and express my thanks:

State-side syndicate members, it was an honor to spend a month with all of you. J I was thoroughly delighted to hear from every last one. It was my pleasure to hear where you are living now, what bullshit job has you frustrated, what graduate program is kicking your ass, what new babies your wife pooped out, what you decided to name those babies, and even what color vomit those babies spewed out last Tuesday. You were deemed syndicate members because you are journeymen like me. Every two years you find yourself in a fresh situation with loads of new exciting developments to report and tons of fresh quick-witted jabs to deliver. 

To all of those that I’ve met during my travels, my sojourns, and my more extended stays I merely wish to convey to you the following: The whole past month of furious writing was just for you. To all those who have found their place in life, and to those who continue to seek, glad we could share a global tournament over the past thirty days. May we all meet again in two years time, regardless of where on this planet life has decided to lead us. May we all once again congregate to celebrate the beautiful game and its universal appeal. May we all yet again wager money, level puerile insults, and catch up on the cell until the sun threatens to rise or set. The spectacle shall return. My sincere hope is that not one among us will be too busy to revel in it.

Short and sweet enough for ya? Onwards to the present events…

Goodbyes Section

8^th Place—Guinea

Cold and Clinical victory from the Black Stars. Nice job dispatching these lucky-lot-bastards with antiseptic ease. For once in this erratic tournament, your friendly bookie was spot on with his call.  Traore looked completely astray on the right flank. Grant’s choice of Appiah as the pincer totally negated any tactical schemes Dussuyer might have contemplated. Yattara’s “Sonic Boom” kick was a fitting end to a totally lopsided match.

The “Overlooked Elephants” nevertheless supplied us with plenty of worthwhile restrospectives. Mohammed Yattara’s volley in the opening match contends for the tournament’s finest tally. Traore’s rocket in Round Two won’t soon be forgotten. Constant’s penalty in the final group stage match capped a highly intriguing tournament during which La “Syli Nationale” improbably kept the score level against more talented opposition. 

Not too shabby from a team initially projected to finish dead last. ; )

Ibrahima Traore und "Die Fohlen" seek to claim the “Bundesliga Challenger” spot relinquished by the now disgraced Borussia Dortmund.

The Second Half of the Bundesliga kicks back off! Javoll!

7^th Place—Tunisia

Sweet crucified and crying Jesus! What the hell happened? For those of you who missed it, the hosts were awarded an absolutely unforgivable penalty in the third minute of injury time. Horrible officiating enabled the one-time Real Madrid prospect to grab a brace with an admittedly brilliant free kick in the 102^nd minute. It still wasn’t fair.

The unsportsmanlike behavior of the Tunisians after the controversial call absolutely warrants financial sanction, but the “Eagles of Carthage” deserve to feel hard done by. CAF has suspended the match referee for good reason. He blew it. Terrible call. Atrocious judgment.

Akaichi did his job and his team should have punched through to their first semi-final in eleven years. This was to be their year. Esteban Becker assembled a fine team. Akaichi, Mskani, and Chickhaoui crushed it with their performances.

Sheiße! Always a pity when overwhelmingly shitty officiating gets in the way ; ( ; (  

6^th Place—Algeria

North Africa no longer competes. There was a time when such a fact filled your friendly bookie with feelings of unbridled joy. Er….it actually wasn’t that long ago. Let’s go ahead and look it up.

From CAN 2013—Round Three:

Today’s offerings were nothing short of spectacular. The anti-North-African inclinations of your friendly bookie were satiated in full. Viva Les Elephants! Viva Adebayor!

…

My updated stats:

Spread: 3-13

Straight up: 4-6-6

Hell, I don’t give a shit. So long as the money flows and the non-Arab African teams go.

That is but a VERY SMALL sample of my ire, brothers. Having spent some time in sub-Saharan Africa, your friendly bookie loathed and detested the Arab Garbage that the “Volta-del-Mar” carried down to his beloved Dark Continent. Further evidence isn’t required. Scroll your heart out should you wish to locate a few frequent triplicate capitalizations.

For the sake of convenience, don’t even bother scrolling. I’ll give them to you:

FUCK AL-SHABAB

FUCK BOKO-HARAM

FUCK ANSAR-DINE

Times have changed….somewhat. The three groups mentioned above should still should be rounded up and thrown into the gas chamber, but the Algerian Football team will be missed. Gourcuff and Halihodzic put together an excellent crew. Slimani, Soudani, Brahimi, Lacen, Feghouli, and Medjani are too awesome for words.

Looking forward to seeing the “Desert Foxes” in two short years.

Inshallah.

5^th Place—Congo NDR

You didn’t miss it, did you? Please tell me you didn’t miss it! C’mon boys! It took place well before the American Super Bowl. You didn’t miss the “Congolese Derby”! I refuse to believe it!! Dore and Bifouma came through! Unfortunately for them, Mbokani and Bokila came through as well and we had ourselves a six-goal-slugfest.

Claude Le Roy’s “Red Devils” turned out to be everything we thought they could be. They bitch-slapped our initial expectations and skull-fucked our skepticism. Every last smartass remark made in jest against the “Handsome Crook from Normandy” may be considered retracted.

We’ll miss you, Red Devils!

Come back soon ; )  

Line Time, Gentlemen

Wednesday

Congo DR vs. Cote d’Ivoire

  vs. 

How tempting it is to pick the Leopards for an “Upset Special” . Bolasie, Mabwati, and Makaidi pose a legitimate threat. In the final analysis, however, my beloved Leopards are no different than my ultra needy Aryan Cat. They selfishly appeal for cosseting cuddles when daddy is trying to work.

Herve Renard’s latest (projected) formation is too much to overcome. Gradel owns the right flank. In the event that he doesn’t, Toure can feed Bony from afar.

Projected Lineups:

 “The Leopards”—(4-5-1 )

Dieumerci Mbokani

Yannick Bolasie          Jeremy Bokila

Cedric Mabwati

Cedric Makaidi  Lema Mabidi

J. Kasusula C. Mongongu J. Kimwaki I. Mpeko

Robert Kidiaba

 “Les Elephants”—(4-3-3) 

Wilfred Bony

Gervinho     Max Gradel

Yaya Toure

S. Kalou  Serey Die

S. Tiene W. Kanon K. Toure S. Aurier

Sylvain Gbohou

THE LINE: Cote d’Ivoire +2 Goals

Prop Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own)

Over/Under—3 Goals 

120 Minutes—Straight Up

Penalty Shootout—2 to 1

Thursday

Ghana vs. Equatorial Guinea

 vs. 

Deathmatch. It’s over. It’s over for the auspicious hosts and their serendipitous penalty. They’re finished. Avram Grant will rock precisely the lineup that your friendly bookie projects. The Ayew Brothers will receive support from Atsu and Mubarak. Kwesi Appiah and Asamoah Gyan will kill-strike given the right opportunity.

Afful and Rahman will switch effectively. Unforeseen Number One Keeper Brimah Razak will shine. Helluva job, kid. Way to wow us so-called “experts”!

Go get it.

Projected Lineups:

 “The Black Stars”—(4-1-3-2 )

Kwesi Appiah Asamoah Gyan

Andre Ayew Jordan Ayew

Christian Atsu

Wakaso Mubarak

B. Rahman  J. Boye J. Mensah    H. Afful

Brimah Razak

 “The National Thunder”—(4-4-2) 

Emilio Nsue Raul Fabiani

J. Balboa   Iban

Kike      Zarandona

Sipo                                      Randy

Rui  D. Mbele

Felipe Ovono

THE LINE: Ghana +2 Goals.

Prop Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own)

Over/Under—4 Goals 

120 Minutes—2 to1

Penalty Shootout—3 to 1

GENTLEMEN, ENTER YOUR WAGERS