CAN 2017--Syndicate: Into Darkness

Mambo/Vipi Syndicate Family!

We convene once again. Your friendly bookie can scarcely believe it. How long it’s been. Nearly fifteen years and now our 23^rd Chapter. How on earth has this project stretched on this long? 

As we’ve aged together, most of us have come to understand the ephemeral nature of everything from occupations to personal relationships. It’s simply impossible to keep track of how many lives we’ve all now collectively lived. So many different careers. So many different countries. So many different phases, ages, perspectives, directions, corrections, adjustments, pinnacles, and nadirs. Merely beginning to ruminate on the topic of how far we’ve come is enough to humble an atheist into a monastic religious mindset. It’s too much for one mind to comprehend.

“Friends & Football” possesses an amazing enduring power. Football may commonly be referred to as “The Great Global Unifier”, but it’s actually a force far more potent than that statement might suggest. It draws people together who have not seen or spoken to each other for years. That’s us. We’ve all grown into adults bearing little resemblance to the kids we were fifteen years ago…and yet we’re still doing this!

Your friendly bookie comprehends the “End” often. All things much eventually reach their terminus. How can one even envisage an “End” when the sport’s reach and popularity continue to exponentially expand? This shall be the third time that we’ve covered the glorious “African Cup of Nations”. During both the 2013 and 2015 installments, stateside bettors were fighting through pop-ups and viral intrusions in order to watch the matches on “Peer-to-Peer Pirating Websites”. This time, thanks to BEIN Sports, we can all watch all these great games at any number of local pubs; full-screen and in HD!

How could your friendly bookie resist? There’s never been a better time for us all to get together once more, particularly in light of the fact that we’re all in need of pleasant distraction. That offers me a segue into “the riff” that did the most to bring me back to the keys.

Reader: Thanks for skipping the Election Blog, Vicey. Now Trump is President. As usual, it’s all your fault. Syndicate before the inauguration?

Vicey: Hehehehehe. I’ll spare this member the embarrassment of being the ONLY Syndicate Member in the history of the Syndicate to suggest I write too little. Everyone else correctly points out that, at a certain point, this massively baroque tome of writing will contain more pages than the website has hits.

Sigh. I suppose I have to address the impending of America’s very own Berlusconi at some point. I’d honestly much rather talk football than politics these days. Who wouldn’t? It’s depressing as all hell to watch bullies win.

Here we go. Plenty to remain positive about as we approach the 30^th Anniversary of the End of the Cold War. Free-Market Liberal Ideology and a Non-Polar Geopolitical Order are now the norm. Both forces cannot be stopped, no matter what anti-trade ideologues like Trump say. 

Globalization will continue mostly unabated. The free-movement of people, ideas, goods, and services will continue. All of these trends are infinitely larger than one loudmouth and his cronies. Millions upon millions will continue to find opportunities to better themselves as we strive collectively, albeit a little more slowly now, toward the ultimate goal of lifting all members of the human race out of abject poverty.

None of us will live to see that goal attained, but posterity will see it done at some point. There was bound to be a backlash, but progress will ultimately win out.

That’s really all this bookie wants to say for now.

Are we ready for some football? Good.

Group A (Gabon, Burkina Faso, Cameroon, Guinea-Bissau)

       

Gabon

The hosts have a new leader in Spanish Guru Jose Antonio Camacho….and one of the more questionable squads in the tournament. Two years ago Portuguese Maestro Jorge Costa produced three inspired lineups that ultimately failed to attain the Quarterfinals, but made very interesting use of talents like Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, Malik Evouna, Johann Lengoualama, and Romaric Rogombe. 

Perhaps his greatest failing was leaving Didier N’Dong off the roster in the final group stage match against Equatorial Guinea. It’s intriguing to consider how the new Gaeffer will piece together his squad. He inherits a great challenge from his predecessor. Namely, how does one keep Aubameyang from trying to do too much on his own?

Costa placed the Borussia Dortmund Forward behind Malik Evouna. Results were mixed. It surely brought out the latent talent in unknown outfielders like Frederic Bulot and Levy Madinda, but overall attacking quality suffered.

Aubameyang has matured much in the intervening two years, producing a downright amazing 25-goal-season last year for the Schwarzgelben. He’s on pace to replicate that feat this year. There’s simply no excuse for not starting him up front. He’s earned the right to carry this team. Sink or swim, it’s his turn.

Nevertheless….

Evouna and Madinda have made sparse progress in their development. N’Dong made the horrible mistake of signing for Sunderland. Most of the senior team members are currently languishing at Eastern European, or French/Belgium Third-Tier Squads.  

Your friendly bookie still projects them to make the Quarterfinals. Hometown crowds in Libreville will propel them forward.

Made it through this entire section without an Omar Bongo Joke!

Congratulations, bookie ; )

 Projected Lineup—Les Pantheres—4-5-1 

Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang

Malick Evouna    Mario Lemina      Didier N’Dong

Andre Biyogo Poko  Levy Madinda

Benjamin Ze Ondo                            Yohan Wachter

Bruno Ecele Manga  Lloyd Palun

Didier Ovono

 COOL NAME ALERT—Gabon 

 Pierre Emerick-Aubameyang 

Some Germans call him” Auba”. Others “Emerick”. Thomas Tuchel may as well refer to him as “savior” because his team is nothing without him.

 Serge Junior Martinsson Ngouali 

Good God what a mouthful. We’ve got French, English, Scandanavian, and even Bantu influences here. Way to ensure that anyone doing some clerical work for him will get their fingers stuck to the keyboard.

 Didier N’Dong 

Really feeling the potential for a good porn name here. Can’t lose with alliteration and dick euphamisms.

 Merlin Tanjigora 

His brother better be named “Arthur”…and they should both play for Swansea City.

 Yoann Wachter 

Did Bach name this kid? Er hört die Wächter singen.

 Aaron Appindangoye 

Let’s do this together. Ahem: [AH-PIN-DAH-GOY-EH].

Cool. I’m glad we did that ;  )

Burkina Faso

 Hello Stallions! So nice to see you again! This bookie so very much looks forward to wagering a large sum of money on you, only to have you flop like wops all over the pitch and drain my bank account ; ) ; (  

Full Disclosure: I’m still willing to back these ponies. It matters not to me that my beloved Jonathan Pitroipa is now earning a living in Dubai. This bookie doesn’t care that Alain Traore went to the Turkish League, that Charles Kabore was exiled to Russia, or that Bakary Kone can’t earn a starting spot for Malaga.

Your friendly bookie believes in the spirit of sustained team cohesion. This squad returns mostly in tact. Something special is brewing here, irrespective of where Aristide Bance is now getting his paychecks cashed. All the familiar faces return, buttressed by newcomer Bertrand Traore.

The Man that Chelsea keeps loaning out is now fully prepared to rock out with the cock out.

All my love to Syndicate Member 1-M-X ; )

Much like Thomas Müller, I hope to fall in love with a girl who likes “all the pretty horses” ; )  

 Projected Lineup—The Stallions—4-3-3 

Jonathan Pitroipa

Aristide Bance                              Bertrand Traore

Charles Kabore

Alain Traore            Prejuce Nakoulma

Y. Coulibaly     B. Kone S. Yago            I. Dayo

Germain Sanou

 COOL NAME ALERT—Burkina Faso 

 Issoumalia Lingane 

Been meaning to order this dish for quite some time. I’m envisioning some sort of perfect cross between couscous and pasta. Yum.

 Steeve Yago 

How does one actually address a “Steeve”? Pronunciation of the e-syllable has to stop at some point no? “Steeeeve”!

 Kouakou Koffi 

Another one that sounds somewhat appetizing. Yes, I know that it’s pronounced [KOH-Fee], but some “COO-Ah-COO Coffee” sounds fucking delicious!

Cameroon

These Lions have proved quite domitable, time and time again. Once upon a time, your friendly bookie beseeched them to stop hiring German Trainers. Winifred Schäfer, Otto Pfister, and Volker Finker were all magnificent failures. 

In early 2015, after briefly experimenting with a native-son “caretaker manager”, they brought in a Belgium by the name of Hugo Broos. The former stolid defender from Club Brugge AND R.S.C. Anderlecht has done his thing, but still won’t attain the Knockout Phase.

Vincent Aboubakar and Clinton N'Jie are talented strikers, but can’t do much if quality crosses aren’t fed to them. Jacques Zoua playa for my beloved hometown club of F.C. Kaiserslautern, but he’s yet to score a goal for his national squad.

Your friendly bookie just doesn’t see it happening. Edgar Salli is another one who gives me jitters.

No-go, Indomitable Lions ; )

 Projected Lineup—Les Indomptables—4-4-2 

Vincent Aboubakar   Clinton N’Jie

Jacques Zoua    Edgar Salli

Georges Mandjeck  Benjamin Moukanjo

A.   Oyongo                    M. Ngadeu-Ngadjui

N. Nkoulou   M. Djetei

Fabrice Ondoa

 COOL NAME ALERT—Cameroon 

 Clinton N’Jie 

Hopefully he’ll have better luck than Hillary this tournament.

 Christian Bassogog 

Douglas Adams and John Lloyd could have a field day with this name. What exactly is a “Bassogog”? An instrument? A marsh? A dry-heave?

I miss you Douglas.

 Michael Ngadeu-Ngadjui 

Really don’t think it was necessary to hyphenate these names when one could have easily combined them. Ngadeujui. Done. Sign off. Let’s head to the bar!

Guinea-Bissau

How does one start to write a column-piece about one of the more “mistaken-identity” countries ever to exist? Your friendly bookie doesn’t know. He could simply “re-post” one of his rants from 2009. He might offer a few words from Allain de Botton, a British Essayist whose work will transcend generations. He could also pedantically offer a geographical lesson in the various countries carrying the name of an anti-Italian ethnic slur. Why not? Here we goes…..

 1) Republic of Guinea 

=

A West African Nation of 10 million former Portuguese Colonists.

 2) Guinea-Bissau 

=

A Malian Satellite split between the French and the Portuguese

 3) Papua New Guinea 

=

A Pacific agglomeration of islands to the Northeast of Australia

 4) Guyana 

=

A Latin-American-French-Colony on the North-Central Coast of Latin America.

 5) French Guiana 

=

An ACTUAL European Union Country on the Northeast Coast of Latin America. Home to most of the satellite launches of the ESA.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way….what’s up with this team?

They’re not half bad. Most of them play in the Portuguese Premiership. Keep your eye on Zeziho above all others. Francisco Junior is another exciting prospect.

These names may not be recognizeable, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t capable of being this year’s “Cape Verdians”

Good luck, lads ; )

 Projected Lineup—Djurtus—4-3-1-2 

Joao Mario    Frederic Mendy

Zezinho

Fransico Jun.     Nani Soares            Bocundi Ca

Agostino Soares                       Emmanuel Mendy

Eridson   Mamadu Cande

Jonas Mendes

 COOL NAME ALERT—Guinea-Bissau 

CANCELLED ON ACCOUNT OF PORTUGUESE NAMES

Sorry, but your friendly bookie can’t parse through 8-12 different names per player in search of something cool. It just doesn’t work that way ; )

Vicey’s Fearless Group Projection (2 to 1 Odds for Bookie)

 1) Burkina Faso

  2) Gabon

 3) Cameroon

 4) Guinea-Bissau

Overall Championship Odds

 Burkina Faso (Straight Up)

  Gabon (3 to 1)

 Cameroon (3 to 1)

 Guinea-Bissau (12 to 1)

Quarterfinal Odds

 Burkina Faso (Straight Up)

 Gabon (Straight Up)

 Cameroon (Straight Up)

 Guinea-Bissau (4 to 1)

Semi-Final Odds

 Burkina Faso (Straight Up)

  Gabon (3 to 1)

 Cameroon (4 to 1)

 Guinea-Bissau (8 to 1)

Group B (Algeria, Tunisia, Senegal, Zimbabwe)

       

Algeria

So much has been written about the Desert Foxes over the years. For those seeking a more in-depth review, by all means check out the detailed write up in the Syndicate’s WM 2014 Chapter, or all of the words expended on them during CAN 2015 in the massive tome that covered two continental championships simultaneously. 

The Foxes have consistently underperformed in this tournament for the past two decades. There’s every reason to believe that they can turn it around this year. 

Simply stated, experienced Belgium legend George Leekens presides over the deepest talent pool since the 1990 AFCON Championship Squad.

Islam Slimani and Riyad Mahrez, Leicester City teammates still flying high from last year’s miracle run, are poised to start together up front. It’s nothing short of a dream combination to have to club teammates communicating together in the attacking third. Your friendly bookie fully accepts the criticism of his focus on international football, when the UEFA Champions League supplies a greater quality of play. Club teammates undeniably have better chemistry and thus produce more attractive football.

Here we have the chance to behold the best of both worlds. The Foxes count as an early favorite to reclaim the crown. Even if they don’t, their fixtures are worth a look.

Time constraints unfortunately preclude me from discussing the other exciting talents on this team; genuine footballers like Nabil Bentaleb, Saphir Taider, Ramy Bensebaini, and Yacine Brahimi.

We’ve got to get to the Lines eventually, gentlemen… ; )   

 Projected Lineup—The Desert Foxes—4-4-2 

Islam Slimani  Riyad Mahrez

E.A. Hillel Soudani               Yacine Brahimi

Nabil Bentaleb   Saphir Taider

Djamel Mesbah                              Aissa Mandi

Faouzi Ghoulam L. Cadamuro-Bentaiba

Rais M’Bohli

 COOL NAME ALERT—Algeria 

CANCELLED ON ACCOUNT OF ARAB NAMES

So sorry, but your friendly bookie has strong opinions on the reformatting of FIFA Regions. Nothing against Arab Nations. I’d just rather watch them in a “Mediterranean Championship”. Sub-Saharan African Names are cooler, and the expansion of AFCON to include more such teams would prove most welcome.

Tunisia

 

The above-mentioned George Leekens once coached the mighty “Eagles of Carthage”. Plenty of material in the archives should you wish to dig deeper. The latest incarnation of the sole benefactors of the “Arab Spring” does not impress. Nevertheless, they still should attain the Knockouts based on a well-coordinated defensive front and a stellar midfield possessing plenty of creative potential. 

The Tunisians always seem to find a way. The unique culture of their national team selection retains players that passed their prime club-form years ago. The few Tunisians that I’ve had the pleasure to meet personally value loyalty above all else.

That’s why Saber Khalifa, Aymen Mathlouthi, Youssef Msakni, Ahmed Akaichi, and Mohammed Ben Amor are still on this team. A few sprinkled aspiring stars like Aymen Abdennour, Wahbi Khazri, and Syam Ben Youssef remain in the mix.

One just fancies them. Perhaps your friendly bookie has listened to Miles Davis’s “A Night in Tunisia” one too many times. I just can’t envision them failing to make the knockouts. Call me crazy. Call for a CAT-Scan.

These Eagles will soar.   

 Projected Lineup—The Eagles of Carthage—4-5-1 

Saber Khalifa

Youssef Msakni                Ahmed Akaichi

Wahbi Khazri   Naim Sliti    Ferjani Sassi

Ali Maaloul                           Hamdi Nagguez

Syam Ben-Youssef Aymen Abdennour

Ayem Mathlouthi

 COOL NAME ALERT—Tunisia 

CANCELLED ON ACCOUNT OF ARAB NAMES

So sorry, but your friendly bookie has strong opinions on the reformatting of FIFA Regions. Nothing against Arab Nations. I’d just rather watch them in a “Mediterranean Championship”. Sub-Saharan African Names are cooler, and the expansion of AFCON to include more such teams would prove most welcome.

Senegal

A solid team in a highly competitive group. Who doesn’t want to believe that the same nation that once humbled their former French Colonists way back in the first chapter of the Syndicate (Circa 2002) can’t once again supply us with some unforgettable moments of magic and punch through to deeper stages of the tournament? Sadio Mane happens to find himself in fiery form. Idrissa Gana and Chiek M’Bengue can punt useful balls upfield all day long. It MUST happen….until it doesn’t ; (

I’ll be happy to be proven wrong. Homegrown Coach Aliou Cisse needs to confirm my longstanding thesis about the importance of African Trainers coaching African Teams. Mbodj and Koulibaly demonstrate enormous potential to close ranks in lockstep. Diouf can rock some socks, even at his age.

They say that possessing hope can’t possibly be stupid.

“They” have been saying that for a long-ass time. ; (

 Projected Lineup—The Lions of Teranga—4-3-3 

Sadio Mane

Moussa Sow        Mame Biram Diouf

Moussa Konate Idrissa Gana Gueye  Cheikou Kouyate

Cheik M’Bengue                                Lamine Gassama

Kara Mbodj  Kalidou Koulibaly

Khadim N’Diaye

 COOL NAME ALERT—Senegal 

 Moussa Sow 

Didn’t I write about this four years ago? Or was that Samba Sow? Can’t seem to recollect. In any event, “Sau” is the German word for “large pregnant female pig”. I love this guy, but hate his name.

 Papa Alioune Ndiaye 

I a’int fuckin with “Papa [Ali-UNE-EN-DEE-Ah-Yay]”. That’s a scary motherfucking name!

 Idrissa Gana Gueye 

Not entirely sure why this name is so cool. Maybe it’s the double G. This cat sounds like the “O.G. Loan Shark” who rules the neighborhood. I a’int messin with him either.

Zimbabwe

Forget about it. Cool names galore…but these boys aren’t going anywhere. Blame Cecil Rhodes if you must. His megalomaniacal vision of a grand British-African-State forced the poor denizens of Zimbabwe to live in an oppressive “Rhodesian State” populated by white farmers. Mugabe was their only way out. The much-publicized “MDC Revolution” floundered years ago. We all recall how embarrassing it was to those of us who thought a modern revolution might be possible. Goddamn it ; ( 

Currency crises and Western Sanctions did nothing to akmlter the status quo. Your friendly bookie supposes that he should find joy in the qualification of a team that hasn’t appeared in this tournament for over a decade. Instead he only finds shame in his bleeding liberal lionheart.

Goddamn it. : (

We all just missed the fucking point, didn’t we? Viva la “Hitler-Moustache”! 

 Projected Lineup—Mugabe’s Warriors—5-3-2 

Cuthbert Malajila Knowledge Musona

Nyasha Mushekwi  Willard Katsande       Khama Billiat

Oscar Machapa                                 Teenage Hadebe

Hardlife Zwirekwi

Onismor Bhasera     Costa Nhamoinesu

Tatenda Mukurva

 COOL NAME ALERT—Zimbabwe 

 Knowledge Musona 

Inspiring. I want to name my kid “Knowledge” now. He’d command respect before he got out of the maternity ward. All the other infants would gather around for his lectures. He’d prowl the library before he was potty-trained. Teachers would call upon him first all throughout Grammar and High School. He’d eschew fraternities and spend his college days in the library. Hell, even if he ended up in the penitentiary, he’d still be respected. Great name. Beautiful stuff.

 Marvelous Nakamba 

Not sure I’d name my kid “Marvelous”. Kids have enough problems with hubris as it is. This kid would impregnate a few sheepish girls before he got out of the Sixth Grade. Not good stuff.

 Teenage Hadebe 

No! This kid has to go through his entire life carrying the name of the most painful period of adolescence? Fuck no. Horrible choice. Might as well name the kid “Pimples”. No, no, no. WRONG!

 Hardlife Zvirekwi 

Not sure how I feel about this one. On the one hand, we’re essentially cursing the kid. That’s never good. On the other hand, he’ll always know that that he’ll never get anywhere without hard work and struggle.

Hmmmm….

Okay. I like this name. Let your kids know early that they need to work for what they get. Good stuff.

Vicey’s Fearless Group Projection (Straight Up Odds for Bookie)

 1) Algeria

 2) Tunisia

 3) Senegal

 4) Zimbabwe

Overall Championship Odds

 Algeria (NO BETS)

 Tunisia (Straight Up)

 Senegal (3 to 1)

 Zimbabwe (20 to 1)

Quarterfinal Odds

 Algeria (NO BETS)

 Tunisia (NO BETS)

 Senegal (2 to 1)

 Zimbabwe (12 to 1)

Semi-Final Odds

 Algeria (NO BETS)

 Tunisia (NO BETS)

 Senegal (4 to 1)

 Zimbabwe (16 to 1)

Group C (Cote d’Ivoire, Congo DR, Morocco, Togo)

       

Cote d’Ivoire

Stand up for the Champions! Indeed it FINALLY came together for Les Elephants two years ago. Those of us addicted to the sport that serves as the great global unifier had waited for what seemed like eons for this country to ultimately realize their potential. The first continental title for the Les Elephants in 23 years set the streets aflame. 

What a splendid sendoff for Drogba it proved to be ; ) To top it all off, President Allesane Ouattara decried the day after their victory in the final to be an official National Holiday. All government employees were given the day off. According to some reports, most of the private sector followed suit.

Plenty of talent still left on this squad, even if we’ll have to adjust to life after such familiar names as Drogba, Yaya Toure, Romaric, and Gervinho. Soloman Kalou remains for what surely should be his curtain call. Though he’s struggled with injury this season, he’s surprisingly much juice left in his 31-year-old legs for a veteran exiled to the Bundesliga. 

Wilfried Bony’s season at Stoke has been…er…how to put this politely? No way to put it politely. It’s been crapier than a Truck-Stop-Craper. That’s the fact, Jack. Nevertheless, the “Panther” may very well prowl the pitch yet again after netting some athletic tallies.

Max Gradel and Serey Die return with a point to prove. Serge N’Guessan and Wilfied Zaha, as hard as it may be to believe, are relative tyros to the National Side. The youngsters are eager to make their mark.

Although a repeat appears unlikely, we’ll almost certainly see one of Africa’s more explosive teams give us a good show and attain the knockouts.

Godspeed, Elephants ; )

 Projected Lineup—Les Elephants—4-4-2 

Saloman Kalou   Wilfried Bony

Wilfried Zaha                    Max Gradel

Serey Die   Serge N’Guessan

Adama Traore                       Serge Aurier

Wilfired Kanon  Eric Bailly

Sylvain Gbohouo

 COOL NAME ALERT—Cote d’Ivoire 

 Giovanni Sio 

There’s an Italian Ivorian on the team! Seriously. This name is as Italian as they come.

 Wilfried Bony 

There’s a German/French Ivorian on the team too!

 Max Gradel 

For God’s Sake, man. This name is in many a German Phonebook. We have a German Ivorian as well.

 Mamadou Bagayoko 

Finally! That’s a full-fledged African Name. Yes sir, we’re back on track ; )

Congo DR

If we could only get Joseph Kabila to hold fair elections, and permanently erase the memory of the M-23 Rebels from your friendly bookie’s memories. Well…that would be swell. It won’t happen anytime soon, but let a friendly bookie dream. 

Our beloved Leopards did us proud back in 2015 by reaching the semi-finals with an enthralling come-from-behind victory against the “Other Congo”—unfairly designated as “Congo NDR” by a desperate bookie hoping to differentiate the former Zaire from a fully functional democratic republic to the West—in the Quarterfinal Stage. Read through that sentence again and you’ll get my drift. ; )

If nothing else, the Leopards deserve plaudits for sticking with homegrown managers. Whilst most African teams outsource to European Journeymen, FECOFA has stuck with native names since parting ways with Claude LeRoy back in 2013.

The current team roster reads like a list of “Premiership Also-Rans”. Dieumerci Mbokani, Youssouf Mulumbu, Jordan Botaka, Chancel Mbemda, and Gabriel Zakuani are all second-tier players on second tier teams…and that’s just the ones playing in the English System! Marcel Tisserand and Cedric Bakumbu are different matters entirely.

I encourage all Syndicate Members to root for this team AND for head coach Florent Ibenge.

A true African Coach has never won this tournament.

How about now?   

 Projected Lineup—The Leopards—3-5-2 

Dieumerci Mbokani   Ndombe Mubele

Youssouf Mulumbu Jordan Botaka

Jonathan Bolingi                              Herve Kage

Chancel Mbeemba

Isamma Mpeko    Marcel Tisserand    Gabriel Zakuani

Ley Matampi

 COOL NAME ALERT—Congo DR 

 Dieumerci Mbokani 

His first name translates to “Thank God”. His last name sounds suspiciously like a Swahili nickname for male genitals.

“It’s a boy!”

 Neeskens Kobano 

For some reason, I think the Keebler Elves are working on a new product called “Neeskens”. No clue why my mind thinks that way.

 Joyce Lomalisa Mutambala 

Always wondered why the name “Joyce” wasn’t uni-sex. It clearly stems from “Joy”, so why not? Joy is gender neutral. Nice to see this.

Morocco

Sofiane Boufal up front? It’s courageous. Oussama Tannane and Younes Belhanda suffered last-minute injuries, forcing Herve Renard to re-configure his lineup. Amrabat isn’t healthy either. Benatia thus takes control of the midfield, and the captaincy. 

Mohammed Nahiri and Ismail Haddad were dropped in favor of Mounir Obbadi and Romain Saiss. Is anyone still reading this? No Matter. The assessment of this team is that they’ll narrowly miss out on the Quarterfinals after Boufal tries too hard to be Feghouli.

Five consecutive Group Stage exits will become six. So it goes…

 Projected Lineup—Lions of the Atlas—4-5-1 

Sofiane Boufal

Youssef El-Arabi    Youssef En-Nesyri

Karim El Ahmadi   Mbark Boussoufa

Mehdi Benatia

M. da Costa   R. Saiis  H. Mendyl N. Amrabat

Munir Mohand

 COOL NAME ALERT—Morocco 

CANCELLED ON ACCOUNT OF ARAB NAMES

So sorry, but your friendly bookie has strong opinions on the reformatting of FIFA Regions. Nothing against Arab Nations. I’d just rather watch them in a “Mediterranean Championship”. Sub-Saharan African Names are cooler, and the expansion of AFCON to include more such teams would prove most welcome.

Togo

All of us can rejoice in the return of Emmanuel Adebayor for what may very well be his final fixtures in professional football.  I personally look forward to a great tournament from him. Serge Gapke and Floyd Ayite will prove stellar as well. If you’re not delighted to welcome this snake-bit country back in the fold, you’re simply heartless. 

This poor team has been through so much over the years. I’ve re-posted the whole sordid saga below for what I hope will prove the final time. Looking very much forward to chronicling some good news about this team soon. Insofar as my well-documented disklike for Claude LeRoy…well…as much as I hate Claude Le Roy’s Lineups, I hate the criticism of his personnel choices even more. Enjoy!

From CAN 2015—Geo-Syndicate Redux

 Togo

The Sordid Saga continues. Forlorn Togo glided to two easy victories against Uganda, but faltered in their matches against Ghana and Guinea. Fare thee well, Sparrow Hawks. This tournament won’t be the same without Emmanuel Adebayor. Nothing is the same without Emmanuel Adebayor. Go SPURS!!

For the uninitiated, here’s the Togo saga (for the “nth” time):

From WM 2006: “The Curse of the Syndicate”

 Togo

On the subject of debutantes, a hearty welcome the “Sparrow Hawks”, coached by the man from Cologne Otto “Iron” Pfister! What? Oh this just in….Pfister has resigned over the government’s refusal to pay the players their promised World Cup Bonus. Poor, poor Togo. The most any of you have heard about this sliver of a former German Colony is probably the coup d’etat that took place last year. Togo exports predominantly tires, most of which were burned after Natchaba was diverted to Benin. Now this leaderless team is everyone’s pick to finish dead last. Ooops.

Editor’s retroactive notes:

It only got worse for poor little Togo. After being thrown out of the AU, they had to scrounge for four long years before a 2010 Election lifted the most severe sanctions. Pfister came back at the players’ request, but none of them ever saw their rightful bonuses. In 2008 a helicopter crash wiped out the entire administrative echelon. In 2010 their bus was attacked by Angolan Separatists, wounding keeper Kodjovi Obilale with career ending injuries, and fatally shooting three assistant coaches along with the driver.

 Togolese superstriker Emmanuel Adebayor, who has starred for Arsenal, Man City, and Real Madrid, sustained minor injuries but never returned the same player. The incident understandably led to the withdrawal of the Togolese Football Team from the African Cup of Nations. The ruthless CAF then banned them for an “early forfeit”, a ban that remains in effect. Next time you feel inclined to bitch about the “lack of justice” in your world, won’t you take a moment to consider the Togolese Football Team? Never paid, shot at, and suspended. Yeah, the result of your job interview really sucks. Try your hand at their job.

 Projected Lineup—The Sparrow Hawks—4-5-1 

Emmanuel Adebayor

Alaixys Romao   Floyd Ayite   Prince Segbefia

Serge Gakpe   Henri Eninful

Abdoul Mamah                  Sadat Ouro-Akoriko

Serge Akakpo  Djene Dakonam

Baba Tchagouni

 COOL NAME ALERT—Togo 

 Kodjo Fo-Doh Laba 

This is what happens when Julie Andrews gets drunk. The von Trapp Family Singers will never be the same.  

 Lalawele Atakora 

She’s still drunk. For the record, my man’s first name is [La-La-Whey-lay].  

 Prince Segbefia 

Prince is actually a popular African name. It just doesn’t pair with this surname.

Vicey’s Fearless Group Projection (4 to 1 Odds for Bookie)

 1) Cote d’Ivoire

 2) Togo

 3) Morocco

 4) Congo DR

Overall Championship Odds

 Cote d’Ivoire (2 to 1)

 Togo (4 to 1)

 Morocco (6 to 1)

 Congo DR (10 t0 1)

Quarterfinal Odds

 Cote d’Ivoire (NO BETS)

 Togo (Straight Up)

 Morocco (Straight Up)

  Congo DR (2 to 1)

Semi-Final Odds

 Cote d’Ivoire (Straight Up)

 Togo (Straight Up)

 Morocco (2 to 1)

 Congo DR (3 to 1)

Group D (Ghana, Mali, Egypt, Uganda)

      

Ghana

Brace yourselves. Avram Grant is STILL in charge of OUR beloved “Black Stars”. I’ve opted to use the plural affectionate possessive because it’s time for American Syndicate Members to embrace this team. The “Gold-Coast-Playas” eliminated the U.S. from both the 2006 and 2010 FIFA World Cups. A few die-hard U.S. Soccer Fans still harbor resentment for a country that provides us with both glorious football and functionally healthy democracy. 

It’s time for this nonsense to stop. U.S. Football Enthusiasts should embrace the team that carries the banner of benevolent strongman Jerry Rawlings and the “Philosopher-King Leadership Mantra” of the late-great professor John Atta Mills.

Do I really need to remind you? I suppose so.

From CAN 2013--Syndicate: Dark Continent"

 Ghana (Winning Odds--Straight up)

Settle down, Americans. I know full well of your hatred for Jerry Rawling’s “Black Stars”. Calm and collected now, Yank bettors. I know they eliminated your country in 2006 and then again in 2010. It’s okay, my poor forlorn friends. Everything will be okay.

When one actually invests some time into reflecting on the evolving fortunes of the Gold Coast Republic in international football, it’s truly an awe-inspiring tale. These beasts were always dominant on the African Stage, making it to a record nine-semifinals, winning four titles, while finishing second another four times. (For those not necessarily well versed in some quick tournament arithmetic, that’s four titles + four title game losses + one third place match win = nine semifinals). Sorry. You know us Germans. Always obsessed with the semi-finals.

Irrespective of their success, this continental behemoth first popped up on my radar screen. Here’s what I wrote about them in 2006, accompanied with retroactive notes from 2012:

From “ WM 2006--The Curse of the Syndicate--Intro”:

 “Ghana

Hey…who are these guys? Why it’s Jerry Rawling’s “Black Stars”, four-time African Cup of Nations Champions qualifying for their FIRST EVER FIFA World Cup. They’re situated in an extremely difficult group, but may turn a few heads with their starpower. They’ve got Chelsea’s Michael Essien, Dortmund’s Matthew Amoah, Rennes’ Johnny Mensah, and Udinese’s Asamoah Gyan, and Copenhagen’s Razak Pimpong! This talented bunch looks to galvanize the African continent by beating the U.S. for a place in the Round of Sixteen. West Africa rises!

Editor’s retroactive notes:

Oh man. This team assumed the mantle of “The Great African Hope”, eliminating the U.S. both this time AND in 2010. Some players I neglected to mention included future Fulham star John Paintsil. Juventus’s own Stephen Appiah, Non-German related Derek Boateng, and soon-to-be Inter specialist Shelley Muntari. These boys gave us quite a show, complete with Israeli Flags, improbable smackdowns, and downright blatant straightforwardly entertaining football. Expect nothing less from one of Africa’s finest democracies. Can’t wait to see my Black Stars back in action!”

 

That year they would boot the Americans out during the Group Stages after a controversial penalty. It was indeed a lousy call. I saw fit to offer over two pages in detailed condolences. That was all well and good. The rage subsided and I was able to write this glowing farewell to Ghana one match later

From “WM 2006 --The Curse of the Syndicate—Quarterfinals”

 Ghana

Give it up for the “Black Stars”. Africa will rise again in no small part thanks to this team. This 1982 African Cup of Nations Champion is back in a big way, poised to claim some silverware in the coming years. Asamoah Gyan is only twenty. How limitless the world is at that age! Other early Vicenarians include Michael Essien, Stephen Appiah, John Mensah, Habib Mohammed, John Pantsil, Razak Pimpong, and Sulley Muntari. We behold an extremely young team that will return to go even further in subsequent tournaments.

Prospects for peace never appeared better. It was such that I wrote this during the 2009 Qualifying Round.

From “WMQ 2009—“Syndicate with Avengeance”

 “Ghana

Congratulations to the Gold Coast Republic on what has been a spectacular year! Note to Cote d’Ivoire: Now that you’ve been independent for some years, perhaps you might consider ditching the name of your oppressive colonial exploiters? Aesthetically, it rings somewhat cruel to name a country after an export that has caused so much suffering. Should we also call Congo “Rubberland”, Guinea “The People’s Republic of Bauxite”, and South Africa “The DeBeers Confederation”??

Returning to Ghana, this country has surged up of the Rothberg, Ibrahim, and the HDI Indexes! In addition to progress in alleviating poverty, Ghana has, over the past year, replaced Kenya as Africa’s model for stability and good governance. The new administration acknowledged as much, scheduling Ghana as Obama’s first (and as of yet only) African stop.

So what do we have to look forward to on the pitch? Michael Essien for starters. Haven’t seem nearly enough of him on a packed “Chelski” Squad this season. My boys from da “Dorf” (TSG Hoffenheim) Tagoe and Vorsah should also be available! I’m also looking forward to the first cross directed at striker Junior Agogo. “He’s going for Agogo!”  

I owe the Ghanaians a great debt of gratitude. U.S. Fans might recall the vast sums of money I snatched from your prideful purses after that 2-1 defeat in 2006. Hehehe.

Let’s do it again boys!”

It was meant to be tongue-in-cheek. Tongue-in-cheek for chrissake! No one could have predicted that the Black Stars would once again eliminate Sam’s Army in semi-controversial fashion the next summer. I tried my best to ameliorate the situation. (Non-existent) Lord knows I tried.

From WM 2010—“Attack of the Syndicate”—Day 16 Recap:

“Two teams I wish were still around have had their dream terminated. Nothing trite to say today, U.S. fans. You proved yourselves worthy over the last two weeks. I’ll even resolve to watch a minimum of two MLS Games this season. That goes for the nascent K-League as well. We may have a blast poking fun at one another over the last two weeks, but when it comes to the final heartbreak, the fraternal order of football fans must share the tears and always be ready to join in on a kitschy rendition of “You’ll never walk alone.”

To illustrate how tight these matches are at this stage, barely better weather might have helped the Koreans finish better. Likewise, had Bradley opted to start Edu instead of Clark, or even Buddle instead of Findley, we might be looking at a different result. Jozey Hercules, and Feilhaber also missed chances that strikers will ordinarily have the composure to take. Don’t give up, American and Korean football fans!”

Read through the Intro from two years ago while you’re at it:

From CAN 2015—Geo-Syndicate-Redux

 Ghana (Winning Odds—Straight Up)

Several notable teams (see above) may have failed to qualify, but we can all rest easy knowing that our beloved Black Stars are still on the level. Were the “Gold Coast Players” not joining the fun, your friendly bookie would almost be tempted to say, “fuck it” and flick on some college basketball…almost.

The Black Stars have generated more Syndicate Pages than any other African country, far more than our adopted “Super Eagles”. This is for good reason. They’ve qualified for three straight World Cups, eliminating the United States in both 2006 AND 2010. The U.S.-Gold Coast Rivalry holds a special place in Syndicate Lore, particularly after Klinsi’s boys finally broke the curse last summer. What often slips through the cracks is the amazing contribution they made to CAN 2013. They scored more goals than any other national side over the course of six pulsating fast-paced fixtures that never threatened to induce even the slightest yawn.

The “Big Dogs” are back….or are they? A team so stacked with talent must be accorded straight up championship odds, but the Ghana Generation is cooling…and not just because they can’t beat the States anymore. (You goddamned self-centered Yanks). This Gold Coast incarnation will have to manage without talisman Kwadwo Asamoah. He’s out injured. Huge loss.

There are plenty of other faces you’ll notice missing. Sulley Muntari, Michael Essien, and Albert Adomah didn’t even make new head coach Avram Grant’s preliminary squad. Many of Grant’s preferred younger replacements (Majeed Waris, Quincy Abeyie, and Jeffery Schlupp) all succumbed to late injuries.

One must still speak of legends Asamoah Gyan, John Boye, and Harrison Afful in hushed tones if possible. Jonathan Mensah, Christian Atsu, Andre Ayew, Wakaso Mubarak, and Emmanuel Agyemang-Badu are already legends in their own right despite their young ages. Hell, for that matter, Israel’s Avram Grant is something of a legend. The Jewish “Master Maestro” has had the misfortune to coach some terrible Premiership teams, but he would have taken Chelsea all the way to Champions League Glory had John Terry not slipped. He nearly led Portsmouth past the Blues in the 2010 FA Cup Final two years later Yeah you read that correctly. THAT atrocious Portsmouth side.

Grant likely has the answers needed to get our boys back to the Semis, when the conspicuous absence of Kwadwo Asamoah should begin to obstruct further advancement. Feel free to bet otherwise, but  I’m not picking this team.

Was there something else I wanted to mention? Oh right. Kevin Price-Boateng can’t crack the starting lineup at Schalke. Bwahahahaha. A little Schadenfreude before we move on : )  

Your friendly bookie genuinely hates “re-posts”. It had to be done. Those of you who still insist upon hating Ghana. They’re lead by a stern and committed Jewish Manager, who genuinely appreciated how John Paintsil pulled an Israeli Flag out of his shorts during the 2006 World Cup. John Paintsil is a world-class gentleman. He made his contribution to West Ham, Fulham, AND Leicester City during their relegation/promotion fights.

Support OUR Black Stars.

OUR BLACK STARS!!!       

 Projected Lineup Ghana—OUR Black Stars—4-3-3 

Asamoah Gyan  Andre Ayew  Jordan Ayew

Christian Atsu

Wakaso Mubarak      Emmanuel Agyemang-Badu

Harrison Afful                                Jonathan Mensah

John Boye  Baba Rahman

Fatua Dauda

 COOL NAME ALERT—Ghana 

 Ebenezer Assifuah 

At what point does one consider naming one’s kid after the crotchety old rich man from “A Christmas Carol”?

 Ebenezer Ofori 

There’s the answer to my question. Evidently, many get to that point. Carry on.

Mali

Fight on, Eagles. Fight hard for the preservation of your country. Time to revive a proud Syndicate Tradition. WE don’t give a shit about armed Islamic Rebellions that seek to suppress women, corrupt children with militant education, and kill innocent civilians who merely wanted to watch a football match. 

Take your primitive philosophy and shove it straight up your self-righteous ass. Uneducated young liberals will likely make the mistake of comparing me to Donald Trump. Stupid fucks. Your friendly bookie remains a lionhearted liberal intent on scolding the youngsters on a very important lesson: “Do not make the mistake of tolerating in-tolerance”. Those who attempt to explain away an intolerant and oppressive culture are morons.

Point blank.

FUCK ANSAR DINE!

FUCK ANSAR DINE!

FUCK ANSAR DINE!

FUCK AL-SHABAB!

FUCK AL-SHABAB!

FUCK AL-SHABAB!

FUCK BOKO-HARAM!

FUCK BOKO-HARAM!

FUCK BOKO-HARAM!

These groups have not only killed innocent civilians for the mere crime of watching a football match. They’ve also attacked college and technical school graduations. They’ve taken precious human lives for the paltry crime of attempting to try and better themselves!!

Don’t get me started on religion. Let’s talk football instead. Sako and Yatabare can handle it. West Africans have far too many players named either Traore or Coulibaily. It matters not. They’ll fight hard for a place in the knockouts.  

 Projected Lineup—Les Aigles—4-4-2 

Bakary Sako   Mustapha Yatabare

Samba Sow            Adama Traore

Moussa Marega  Yves Bissouma

S. Coulibaly                            O. Coulibaly

M. Wague   M. N’Diaye

Soumbeila Diakite

 COOL NAME ALERT—Mali 

 Samba Sow 

Something tells me I’ve written about this before. Ah right. “Sau” = “Bad name”

Egypt

The once-mighty Pharaohs return after winning three consecutive African Cup of Nations Titles, then failing to qualify for three consecutive African Cup of Nations tournaments. Yes, you read that correctly. Read it again: THREE consecutive titles (2006, 2008, 2010). THREE consecutive failures to qualify (2012, 2013, 2015). Gentlemen, I give you the most spectacular implosion in all of international footballing history. 

The revolutionary spirit of the Arab Spring quickly degenerated into the Port Said Stadium Massacre, dooming the national program to play their fixtures in empty stadiums. All hope of cultivating some semblance of spirit and morale was lost. Your friendly bookie had every intention of inserting a glib topical Bob Bradley Joke into this introductory paragraph when he began writing it, but now finds himself far too sullen to even make a feeble attempt ; ( 

So little has been accomplished by the populist revolt in early 2011. Some may legitimately argue that absolutely nothing was accomplished at a terrible cost. One strongman has been replaced by another. Thousands of innocent lives have been lost. A large population has now soured on the very idea of representative democracy for the foreseeable future. The whole damn vicious circle of a cycle makes one wonder whether or not it’s worth talking about football at all.

Syndicate veterans know well enough that such musings are, of course, rhetorical ; ) Talking about football remains worth it in EVERY LAST instance. To pilfer/plagiarize a phrase from a source I cannot recall at the moment, football shall always remain the “Most Important/Least Important Thing in the World”.

The disgruntled and disenfranchised population of this North African Cradle of Civilization deserve something to boost their spirits, and there’s every reason to believe that this team will accomplish just that.

Ahmed Hassan, not to be confused with the retired striker who shares the very same name, presently light’s it up for Braga in the Portuguese First Division. Ahmed El-Mohamady and Mohamed El-Nenny meet the definition of “Midfield Pillars” perfectly. The back four appear a bit porous, but this bookie doesn’t plan on betting against 43-year-old captain and keeper Essam El-Hadary. Age doesn’t really affect keepers. They may lose some mobility, but the wisdom accrued over decades of surveying the field get them moving early enough to squash the attack.

The Pharaohs will top the Group…and contend for the title.    

 Projected Lineup—The Pharaohs—4-5-1 

Ahmed Hassan

Ahmed El-Mohamady  Mohamed El-Nenny

Abdallah Said

Ibrahim Salah    Mahmoud Hassan

M.A. Shafy O. Gaber A. Hegazy A. Fathy

Essam El-Hadary

COOL NAME ALERT—Egypt

 CANCELLED ON ACCOUNT OF ARAB NAMES 

So sorry, but your friendly bookie has strong opinions on the reformatting of FIFA Regions. Nothing against Arab Nations. I’d just rather watch them in a “Mediterranean Championship”. Sub-Saharan African Names are cooler, and the expansion of AFCON to include more such teams would prove most welcome.

Uganda

Always nice to see an East African Team in the tournament. Ethiopia was gracious enough to fill the slot in 2013. Sadly, no one was able to step up in 2015, further fueling my woefully quixotic dreams of seeing either Kenya or Tanzania in an AFCON Tournament before the end of my short natural life. Your friendly bookie’s peculiar fascination with East Africa absolutely has something to do with his study of Kiswahili and the all-too-brief sojourn he undertook there. 

It nevertheless runs deeper much deeper than a few personal experiences. East Africa is irrefutably the locale in which the human race evolved. One cannot deny that. We started walking upright there. We manufactured a few crude tools there. We somehow came up with the unique idea of coming down from the trees to do a bit of strategic scavenging without getting eaten by vociferous jungle cats…THERE! It’s our home. We ALL came from there.

I’m obviously skipping a highly pertinent few hundred-thousand years of human history with this fascination, but I’d still travel to Africa in the vain hope of finding the small skull fragment of the first primate who said, “Honey, I’m leaving the tree to go grocery shopping.”

It’s an important connection. Nevermind why ; )

Back to football. The Ugandans have qualified for their first Continental Championship since 1978. There’s been something of a re-awakening since Serbian Coach Milutin Sredojevic took over four years ago. He’s assembled a most eclectic mix of players consisting of players from domestic clubs AND literally every last corner of the globe. Participating club players include footballers working in South Africa, China, Egypt, Iceland, Portugal, Finland, Iraq, Lebanon, Belgium, and…yes…the “Colorado Rapids” of the good-old “U-S-of-A”!!!

Plenty of African Club players too. South Africa, Kenya, Egypt, Sudan, and Mozambique. Murushid Juuko plays for my beloved “Simba” of Dar-es-Salaam, Tanzania. ; ) ; )

Your friendly bookie won’t live to see the “Taifa Stars” of Tanzania make the tournament. The Ugandan Cranes also aren’t likely getting out of this group.

Always nice to see an East African Team in the tournament….I’ll enjoy every match.

 Projected Lineup—The Cranes—4-4-2 

Geofrey Massa   Geoffrey Sserunkuma

Hassan Wasswa   Moses Oloya

Farouk Miya    Luwagga Kizito

Godfrey Walusimbi            Joseph Ochaya

Isaac Isinde   Denis Iguma

Denis Oyango

 COOL NAME ALERT—Uganda 

Geoffrey Sserunkuma

Together once more: [SSSair-Une-COO-Mah]. Hard to pronounce that name without hissing.

Vicey’s Fearless Group Projection (Odds for Bookie)

 1) Egypt

 2) Ghana

 3) Mali

 4) Uganda

Overall Championship Odds

 Egypt (NO BETS)

 Ghana (NO BETS)

 Mali (6 to 1)

 Uganda (15 to 1)

Quarterfinal Odds

 Egypt (NO BETS)

 Ghana (NO BETS)

 Mali (NO BETS)

 Uganda (8 to 1)

Semi-Final Odds

 Egypt (NO BETS)

 Ghana (NO BETS)

 Mali (5 to 1)

 Uganda (10 to 1)

GENTLEMEN, ENTER YOUR WAGERS