Introduction—“Dark Horses and Redemption”
(Australia, Brazil, Italy, Jamaica)
Three separate Syndicate Contingents get a shot at restitution here.
Bookie’s Aussie mates surely wish to reclaim some greenbacks after that nasty Quarterfinal loss the U.A.E. in January’s AFC Championship. The Philly Boys have waited three long years to bet on their Guineas. Some haven't reclaimed their losses from the Germany match in Euro 2016. That’s what happens when you can’t qualify for the WM, dages! Finally, Brazil enthusiasts need to wash the horrible taste of penury out of their mouths following Thibault Courtois’s superhuman save.
Much remains possible in this “Group of Life”; by far the weakest of the six in the tournament. Bookie projects the Aussies atop based on the scheduling layout, but he’s willing to concede that the Samba Queens and the Celentano Chicks have an outside chance….if any of you wish to put your hearts on the line. Bookie advises against. The Brazilian squad is far too old and the Italians are unproven.
About all that one can say for certain pertains to the inequitable shellacking the poor Jamaicans are about to endure. We’ve yet another touching storyline below, but life sadly doesn’t follow a Disney script. These dames are set up for a straight jab to the jawline. Ugh. Not good times.
I’m Pleased to welcome the Reggae Girlz to their first FWM, but I’d be even more pleased if we had gotten Mexico or Costa Rica out of CONCACAF. Perhaps I just wanted to see Amelia Valverde again…in a different setting than by recurrent life-long academia-based nightmares.
Since I first met her four years ago, the Costa Rican manager routinely haunts my dreams, serving as the amalgam of every undergraduate professor who told me to kindly finish the page I was working on and submit the fucking paper already.
Ahhhh!! Okay. Okay. Relax. It’s only twice the length you asked for this time! Christ. At least I’m interested in your class. Does that make me a bad person?
Australia—“The Waltzing Matildas”
Before getting to the actual composition of this team we must, of course, report on the obligatory coaching change that invariably affects this program. Sigh. Can’t keep anyone around at the Australian FA. Might as well build the topic into future templates. Despite leading the Matildas to unprecedented levels of success, including their first knockout stage victory in the 2015 tournament, Alan Stanjic got the axe early this year under murky circumstances.
The surprise move came with the Aussie girls situated on their highest ever Global FIFA Ranking. One doesn’t ordinarily see such moves made at top-four teams. Syndicate Member 78-M joined Sam Kerr and Elise Kellond-Knight in wondering aloud if anyone is actually running the FFA. So many dubious administrative misfires since the 2015 zenith. It resembles the departmental equivalent of Degenek’s back-pass.
On the whole, all of this talk should be moot. This incarnation of the Lady Roos retains enough strength to perform absent their favored player manager. They completely annihilated their competition in the recent 2019 Cup of Nations and gave the U.S. Women a legitimate run in an awesome April friendly. They were on fire throughout that whole fixture. Balanced all around the pitch, there exist essentially no weaknesses to report.
Bookie builds a three-pronged attack even though this squad could roll with five strikers if they wished. Melbourne Victory’s Emily Gielnik has certainly earned a starting place with her recent performances. The same applies to Tameka Yallop (whom some will remember as Tameka Butt). Either one could start.
It seems to the bookie that the most effective strategy would feature a left-vertical axis that strings together Foord, Raso, and Carpenter. Van Egmond, struggles with form now firmly behind her, can serve as the pseudo fourth attack on the right with Catley and Kerr. Kellond-Knight can bury herself in defensive duties, occasionally dropping even further back should Polkinghorne or Kennedy sense an opportunity.
Can the Matildas win this competition? No easily task prognosticating knockout brackets in 24-team tournaments, but the talent level positively makes them excellent Dark Horse candidates. They could easily best the Canadians and the Japanese. If the can avoid England and the U.S., consider them finalists.
Projecting the Aussie Lineup (4-3-3)
Caitlin Foord Lisa De Vanna Samantha Kerr
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Hayley Raso Emily van Egmond
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Elise Kellond-Knight
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Ellie Carpenter Steph Catley
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C. Polkinghorne A. Kennedy
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Lydia Williams
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The Talisman—Samantha Kerr 
One wouldn’t think this quiet, unassuming, and diminutive striker to be one of the world’s best. One would be dreadfully wrong. The NWSL’s all-time scoring leader cannot stop finding the back of the net. Another massive season in the books for the U.S. Club Chicago Red Stars. She now has over 130 club goals despite being only 25-years-of-age.
Even more impressive, most of her tallies come from range. We’re not dealing with a patrolling striker her. She routinely snipes powerful efforts from outside the 18. There simply isn’t another women’s player out there who can crush the ball like she does. The Aussie captain maintains almost a physic ability to intuitively sense the presence of her national team sisters. It’s been quite the treat to watch her run the attack in recent tournaments. She’s also netted twelve goals for the Matildas over the last calendar year.
An epic player entering her prime. Bookie taps this masterful heroine to capture the tournament’s Golden Boot.
The Pillars Clare Polkinghorne 
A lanky and aggressive centerback seemingly unafraid to take on anyone. NWSL fans will recognize her from her two tours in the U.S. League with the Portland Thorns. Though her peak was definitely in 2015, she still scores regularly for the national side. 116 Caps for the girl charged with shutting down the world’s top competition.
Caitlin Foord 
Bookie’s pick to start on the left attacking flank. She’s received much coverage in this Sportsbook since debuting at the age of 16 in 2011. Seven team changes in the intervening years have definitely precluded her from reaching her full potential. A lightning quick and silky smooth footballer like her should have amassed much better stats by now. Excellent club seasons for Sydney FC and the Portland Thorns demonstrate her ability. Sixteen goals in 71 caps for the national side, where her talents regularly shine.
Lisa De Vanna 
Speaking of players who may have switched clubs too often, one wonders what a living legend the 34-year-old livewire might have been has she not transferred twenty-one times over a seventeen-year-career. In any event, the all-time leading Aussie goal-scorer shows no signs of slowing down. Remarkably fit for her age, the robust forward still produces brilliant cuts, crosses, and strikes. Commands respect on the pitch. An incredible talent.
Steph Catley 
Very good reasons why the versatile defender from Melbourne has become something of a hot commodity on the NWSL Market. The 25-year-old is almost unbeatable on aerial duels and 50-50s. Known for her precision tackling and sharp passing, this is the girl everyone wants on their team. Bookie places her at right-back, where she can easily dominate.
Alanna Kennedy 
The beating heart of the defensive corps, a beautiful beanstalk who scores surprisingly often for a centerback. Definitely in her prime. U.S. fans may recognize her from her prolific stints with the Orlando Pride and Western New York Flash. Currently back down under with Sydney FC…and kicking serious ass.
The Phenoms Ellie Carpenter 
A spunky and speedy left back projected by the bookie to displace Gema Simon and Laura Alleway for a starting position. Has been cutting her teeth against superior opposition for the Portland Thorns. Watching her in action, I’ve rarely seen her lose a battle. Might even get deployed in midfield, pushing out either Emily van Egmond or Elise Kellond-Knight.
Hayley Raso 
A 24-year-old winger who recently came into her own for both club and country. Bookie plays hot hand, awarding her the starting nod over decliners like Katrina Gorry and Tameka Yallop. Two massive goals in recent tournaments for the Portland Thorns midfielder. An amazing lane-runner who creates chance after chance.
Mary Fowler 
Surely Milicic wouldn’t give significant playing time to a 16-year-old? Why not? Alana Kennedy, Caitlin Foord, Ellie Carpenter, Elise Kellond-Knight and Emily van Egmond all debuted for the senior side at that age. Teigen Allen was only 15. Although such instances aren’t exactly uncommon in women’s international football, the Aussies have fewer qualms than most in totally bypassing the youth system.
No ordinary teenager here. She’s got all the tools. In point of fact, she redefines what the tools are. The mixed-heritage Fowler actually made her debut for the Aussies at the age of 15. Scouts have been touting her since she started playing with the Irish youth squad at 13. The Irish want her. The Aussies want her. No fewer than twelve European club teams want her. Bookie Can’t honestly say that his own eyes can confirm the hype, but has found himself blown over by the scouting reports.
Brazil—“The Samba Queens”
Injuries to Beatriz and Adriana Leon leave this squad even staler. Were it any other group, bookie would not hesitate to downgrade this squad further. Beatriz remains on the active roster, but prospects for recovering from a fibula fracture less than three months ago must be bleak. One can still construct a decent attack with Debhina splitting the frontal assault. Bookie is even so bold as to create an intriguing triangular buttress behind the veterans.
Vadao might come up with something even better. He can’t possibly do worse than the lineups we’ve seen during the historic losing streak that the female Selecao enter this tournament on. After getting swept out of SheBelieves courtesy of a 1-6 aggregate scoreline, they’ve looked braindead in friendly losses to Spain and Scotland. Factor convincing defeats at the hands of Canada, England, and France in late 2018 and it must be emphasized that the Canarinhas haven’t won in nearly an entire calendar year.
They’ll get through by virtue of the fact that they face Jamaica in the opening match. This will afford Vadao a chance to get the creative juices on the team flowing. There’s also cause to have some faith in the Brazilian coach, whose 28 years of experience shone through in his cogent management of the side in 2015.
The man with the Brando-esque neck droop can get them out of the group. Beyond that, we’re not dealing with a team to wager on past the Round of 16. Syndicate members are kindly reminded to assist their friendly bookie should he start talking himself into the side after Marta or Andressa demonstrate some flair.
Don’t let him do it! The precise intuition that led him to correctly predict their early demise four years ago works here as well:
“Something is not right. Something is quite wrong. I detect Eddys in the Fabric. There seem to be disturbances in the wash”
Projecting the Brazilian Lineup (4-2-1-3)
Andressa Debhina Marta
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Ludmila
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Geyse Andressinha
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Tamires L. Santos
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Erika Monica
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Aline Reis
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The Talisman—Marta 
Bookie finds himself remiss. Synonyms for “legendary” fail him. Even the most tangential fan of women’s football knows of “Mighty Marta”. She’s been dancing and dazzling since 2002. It doesn’t even appear as if there’s a current male equivalent to her amazing improvisational “Samba Style”. Neymar, Messi, and Cristiano Ronaldo don’t gambol about in quite the manner that she does.
The one they call the “skirted Pelé” has slowed down a tick since passing thirty, but she hasn’t lost much. She still put together a monster season after transferring to the Orlando Pride in 2017, finishing second in the league in both goals and assists. She was once again voted the FIFA World Player of the Year in 2018. She even shined through the woeful Brazilian performance in the 2019 SheBelieves, hustling and frolicking like no one else.
The 33-year-old Marta now enters her FIFTH Women’s World Cup. She’ll likely score more, pushing her record of 15 tournament goals out of reach for a while. Having worked hard on her fitness she’s mostly had an injury-free career. We might even see her again in 2023 if she opts to go the Formiga route.
The Pillars Erika 
No matter how many honors she accumulates, U.S. fans will always remember her as the “flopper” who feigned an injury in order to cheat her way past the U.S. in the 2011 Semi-finals. There was also the crying at the Santos press conference, the haughty lambasting of the men’s team following their defeat to Germany, and numerous other on-pitch incidences where she came across as an overly-emotional puerile twat. Trouble is, she’s actually a very good footballer. Ever the keen student of the game, she’s steadily improved her offensive skill-set. She plays forward more often and tallies regularly at the age of 31. She can be forgiven for being passionate about her game and her sport. If we can forgive Neymar for that play-acting horseshit he pulled last Summer, we can forgive Erika.
Fabiana 
Great to see her again. Hard luck and suspect decisions have maligned her international club career, but she remains a stalwart for the national side. Bookie sees her likely ceding her starting right back position to Leticia Santos, but that isn’t my most confident projection. Even should she not make the top eleven, she’ll be needed as a game-altering sub.
Monica 
It’s back to the domestic league for the 32-year-old centerback for whom there isn’t a replacement lined up. Agility didn’t seem to be a concern for her in a prolonged stint with the Orlando Pride and excellent loan spells in Australia and Spain. The veteran angles for a new opportunity with another big club this Summer. Will be tasked with holding the final axis line as Tamires and Erika switch often.
Formiga 
We have to mention her. The 41-year-old has come out of retirement to play in her SEVENTH women’s WM. She first appeared in the 1995 edition. We all assumed she simply had to be done after the 2016 Olympics. After all, she had been quietly playing for a woman’s team in Sao Jose dos Campos since 2011. Out of nowhere she suddenly inked a contract with PSG in 2017, returning to play with the European elite. Bookie only sees a last-ditch sub role for her. Perhaps a Zeitgewinn curtain call. Perhaps a 118thminute swap to give the team an advantage on penalties.
Cristiane 
Another blast from the past that can be inserted as needed. The 34-year-old striker has even started some recent matches (as has Formiga). Bookie deems a start for her too risky, particularly in light of her recent injury problems. She still maintains enough stamina to be an influential sub, however. Don’t bet against this team on penalties.
Debhina 
The most likely veteran to start. The 27-year-old has been on a red-hot tear for the North Carolina Courage in the NWSL. She’s also scored six goals in the last calendar year, including three in the 2018 Copa America Feminina, pushing her national team totals to 28 goals in some 60 caps.
Andressinha 
The 24-year-old is actually a veteran of the 2015 tournament. She played anchoring midfield in all four matches, trending under the name “Andressa”. They’ve given her a new moniker to reduce mistaken identity issues with striker Andressa Alves. Still hasn’t really caught on with a club, found a regular position, or decided on a permanent name. Will nevertheless be a vital part of a young stabilizing triangle behind the attack.
The Phenoms Geyse 
A 25-year-old striker who only recently caught on with the national team after racking up prolific goal totals for S.L. Benfica in the Portuguese women’s second division. Has relatively few caps for the national side. Bookie has seen her deployed on the third horizontal axis alongside fellow youngster Andresshina.
Ludmilla 
Together with fellow Spanish Women’s League professional Andressa Alves, looks to be the future of the Brazilian attack. She’s only just now beginning to gel with the senior side. Great pace and creativity when she gets in the groove. One of the few players in the recent SheBelieves Cup debacle that never stopped hustling.
Leticia Santos 
Very likely the new right back, she’s plays in that capacity for Sportclub Sand in the German Frauen-Bundesliga. She’s settled into her club role rather comfortably, even scoring thrice in over 50 appearances. The Oretenaukreis district somehow produces lots of female footballing stars.
Kathleen 
A U.S. educated prodigy recently snatched up by Bordeaux. A six-foot-centerback who can also play forward. Vadao may give her a Mertesacker-like role off the bench.
Italy—“Azzurre”
As gifted as they look on paper, we’ll caution the Philly Contingent about becoming enamored with these girls too readily. It is true that they currently ride a nine-game unbeaten run, and that their qualifying stage was nearly immaculate. If one merely focuses on recent fixture results, the Wopinistas should be tipped to place second in this group. They are, after all, on an inverse trajectory from the Brazilians.
Consider the opponents. Moldova. Romania. Hungary. Chile. Portugal. Only the wins against Belgium and Mexico count for much. Moreover, the Cyprus Cup has never been a great indicator of a team’s mettle. Bookie very much liked the never-say-die heart this mostly same group of players demonstrated in the 2017 Euros. They managed to score in every time they fell behind. They also played as good as any championship squad in the final game against Sweden.
With all the major players currently clicking, they’re a wonderful sleeper pick for those wishing to piss away whatever money our modern gig economy has temporarily bestowed upon you. Your friendly bookie remains happy to ensure that you won’t be able to pay the rent once the Summer supply of drunk college students dwindles and your Uber app stops dinging.
Be advised first: Mauro, Sabatino, Girelli, and Bonasea haven’t played outside the domestic league much. The Trappatoni Tenet (a Syndicate Concept that trumps the EU Wing Theory) is in full effect here. A group of tight-knit Juve-Turin players doesn’t always work…as we’ve discovered in 2008, 2010, 2014, 2016, and—twisting the knife—last Summer.
Feel free to fall in love with the Italian girls should you so desire. There’s ample opportunity to find captivation below. Just be advised that they remain the domain of men who make insipidly narcissistic decisions based on their own childish needs; men like those in my family..
These girls may do an admirable job cooking, cleaning, and babying you….but you stand to pay a horrible price.
Projecting the Italian Lineup (4-4-2)
Ilaria Mauro Daniela Sabatino
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Barbara Bonansea Christiana Girelli
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V. Bergamaschi V. Cernoia
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Elisa Bartoli Sara Gama
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Celia Salvai Alia Guagni
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Laura Giuliani
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The Talisman—Barbara Bonansea 
The 27-year-old lights it up for Juventus Ladies in the Women’s Serie A, where she won footballer of the year honors in 2016. Capable of swerving in possession and bending hard with her boot, she draws comparisons to footballers like Fillipo Inzaghi, Alberto Gilardino, and even Ryan Giggs in their prime. Great positional sensing and her superb deking skills have led some to liken her to a slalom skier.
Three great goals from her in the UEFA qualifying rounds push her national totals to seventeen in nearly 50 caps. She’s scored an amazing 120 times in her twelve-year-long domestic league career, including 32 goals in 37 appearances at Juve-Turin. The spiritual successor to Melania Gabbiadini, she’ll either forge a new era or lead the Italian Ladies back to an era of obscurity.
The Pillars Ilaria Mauro 
The 31-year-old has been a regular fixture on the side since 2008, but only scored her first goal at the 2013 FEM. Following stints at SC Sand and Turbine Potsdam in the German League, she suddenly burst in form for the national eleven, scoring an incredible combined seven goals in the qualifying and group stages of FEM 2017. I do believe your friendly bookie already mentioned that that the Ortenaukreis produces female footballing stars. Auf geht’s Willstätt!
Alia Guagni 
Mauro’s Fiorentina teammate has twice been named the top player in the women’s top flight. A centerback by trade, she’s known to for her alacritous tackling skills and deft heading. An exceptionally hard worker who emerged later in her career. Now has 61 caps for the national side, mostly since breaking out in 2015. Has also scored nineteen club goals since her big emergence.
Daniela Sabatino 
Bookie is surprised as anyone else that the 33-year-old A.C. Milan striker still has it after all these years. Five goals in the 2017 FEM campaign and two strikes in the 2019 qualifying round. Seems to have revitalized herself somehow since transferring to Milan two years ago. She’s tallied in all but one appearance.
Cristina Girelli 
Somewhat overshadowed by colleague Valentina Cernoia on her club team, the 29-year-old striker remains as prolific as ever for the national side. Another one who scored seven in the 2017 cycle and another seven in the qualifying rounds for this tournament. A traditional target striker who often scores from corners and set pieces.
Sara Gama 
Italian’s don’t do diversity terribly well, so it’s nice to see them give the captain’s armband to the 30-year-old right back of Congolese heritage. One of Antonio Cabrini’s pet projects, she’s matured into a great leader, even if she’s sometimes timid off the ball. Form problems have stalled her club career a bit, but she’s been a reliable partner for fellow veteran Elise Bartoli on the flanks. The two switch often.
The Phenoms Valentina Bergamaschi 
A 22-year-old striker raised just South of the Swiss border. Cut her teeth in the Swiss Alpo women’s league before finally landing a contract with Brescia and later Milan. Scored a gem in the qualifying round, albeit against Moldova.
Manuela Giugliano 
Über-spritely 21-year-old midfielder best described as pacey and perky. She was a huge star for FC Verona as a teenager and led the U17 and U19 teams in goals before making her senior debut in 2014. Already has twenty caps and three tallies.
Aurora Galli 
Another Juve-Turin forward who has broken out in recent seasons. The 22-year-old has yet to open her senior side account, but it shouldn’t be long before she finds the back of the net.
Jamaica—“The Reggae Girlz”
Oh lord this is going to be a disaster. Not to say that the athletes profiled below aren’t an intriguing bunch, exceptional in many ways. It’s simply not going to work. Even mediocre programs like Brazil and Italy possess the capability of dismantling these kids early. Lopsided results loom. The addition of a few late ringers will only hurt matters. Bookie sees no way the squad can keep their already tenuously unconventional shape.
Perhaps we’ll simply devote some space to the inspirational story of this program’s resurrection. Dismantled in 2008, the Jamaican women went six years without an active team. Various island celebrities began a fundraising campaign in 2014 to attempt reactivation. Though they were able to cobble together a team for that year’s CONCACAF Women’s Championship, the FA couldn’t organize enough additional friendlies against actual countries to obtain a FIFA Ranking.
Only two years ago were they able to get their fixture credentials in order. A massive recruiting effort ran in parallel to the financial mobilization and match negotiations. The FA needed players with Jamaican parents or grandparents who were trained in the U.S., Canada, and U.K.
Somehow it all came together rather rapidly. FIFA awarded them a ranking in early 2018. A group comprised of many mixed-girls Malcom-Gladwell-like complexion pummeled through to the 2018 CONCACAF Championship semi-finals after upsetting Costa Rica in the Group Phase. A stroke of good fortune in the other group (Panama somehow beat a heavily favored Mexican side) set them up with an easy opponent in the Third Place Playoff.
So here we are. Three years ago the Reggae Girlz were playing against Division III NCAA sides. Now they’re in the World Cup. There shall be some moments to treasure….along with some cringes.
Yes, the bookie is aware that they bested Chile twice in friendlies this year. That matters not from an oddsmaking perspective.
Projecting the Jamaican Lineup (5-3-2)
Khadija Shaw
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Jody Brown
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Deneisha Blackwood Chinyelu Asher Marlo Sweatman
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Lauren Silver Konya Plummer
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Trudi Carter Dominique Bond-Flasza Allyson Swaby
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Syndney Schneider
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The Talisman—Khadija Shaw 
At least we get to watch this virtuoso in action. The 22-year-old tower-of-power netted an almost unreal 19 goals in the CONCACAF qualifying. Bookie assures you that isn’t a misprint. Nineteen fucking goals! It should obviously be noted that only three of those tallies came in the tournament phase.
Not exactly the most difficult task to bolster your stats in the Caribbean Preliminaries. Grenada, Barbados, and Suriname often have trouble keeping the mentally-challenged chickens on their squads focused on defensive discipline. Six of her goals came in a single match against Guadeloupe, who I believe had a drunk rooster in goal.
Nevertheless, the University of Tennessee grad earns legitimate plaudits. She’s scored five goals in three friendlies against real opposition in 2019. It total she’s amassed 29 goals in only 20 caps. Also happens to be drop-dead gorgeous.
The Pillars/Phenoms Sydney Schneider 
Rebooting an inactive program is no easy task. The Jamaican FA required a “Heritage Program” to even build a complete roster. Hence, the white girl. A 19-year-old keeper from Jersey attains eligibility for the national squad through her maternal grandmother if I’m not mistaken. Having seen her in action, bookie actually considers her quite the talent. Shame she’s about to get pummeled.
Konya Plummer 
The 21-year-old central defender and captain played for both Southeastern University in Alabama and UCF on the other side of the Gulf. Quite the pressure on her broad shoulders.
Dominique Bond-Flasza 
A right back who can play most any position on the pitch. Like virtually every other player on this team, an American of mixed heritage. The club’s “ringer” plays professionally for PSV Ladies.
Allyson Swaby 
Boston College grad with experience playing in Iceland and Italy. Very promising prospect worth keeping an eye on. Her younger sister Chantelle is also on the team.
Chinyelu Asher 
Staebek midfielder with a Cameroonian mother. Stared collegiately at Purdue and Louisville. Four goals in nineteen caps for the national team.
Marlo Sweatman 
Wait a sec. The “Cool Name Alert” Segment doesn’t start until we get to the African Cup of Nations, right? It appears we have an early entry. 24-year-old University of Oregon grad with a surprisingly quick gait for a big girl. Has a keen eye for goal, scoring on four occasions for the national squad.
Jody Brown 
Sixteen-year-old Wunderkind who already has eight goals in twelve caps. Bookie sees her starting over fellow young phenom Olufolasade Adamolekun.
Chenya Matthews 
Former U.S. Youth team prospect and Washington Spirit forward snatched up by the program specifically for this tournament. Another ringer. The Vanderbilt alum and wife of NFL receiver Jordyn Matthews might start up front in Brown’s place.
Vicey’s Fearless Group Prediction (Straight Up Odds for bookie)
1) Australia 2) Brazil 3) Italy 4) Jamaica
Overall Championship Odds
Australia (Straight Up) Brazil (6 to 1) Italy (12 to 1) Jamaica (15 to 1)
Round of 16 Odds
Australia (NO BETS) Brazil (NO BETS) Italy (Straight up) Jamaica (4 to 1)
Quarterfinal Odds
Australia (NO BETS) Brazil (3 to 1) Italy (6 to 1) Jamaica (8 to 1)
Semifinal Odds
Australia (Straight Up) Brazil (5 to 1) Italy (8 to 1) Jamaica (12 to 1)
