CAN 2013--Round One

Karibu Syndicate Members,

Again, welcome to the Dark Continent.

Okay. With yet another needlessly verbose, occasionally homiletic, mostly frivolous preview section behind me, I’m anxious to get down to business (as I imagine you are).

Should anyone find themselves in search of information about the nature of this tournament, the countries participating, some of the key players to watch, or what strange, dark corner of his own mind your friendly bookie happens to be currently traversing, thirty plus pages are available for your perusal. As usual, you’ll find odds on projected group standings there as well.

Time to go over the ground rules.

READ CAREFULLY as we’re reverting to an old system not used since 2006.

Here’s your example.

Zambia vs. Algeria 

 vs. 

The Line: Zambia +3 goals

The Favorite, Zambia, is favored to win by 3 goals. If you bet on Algeria, there are three ways you can win the bet:

1) Algeria loses by less than 2 goals.

2) Match is a draw

3) Algeria wins

Conversely, there is only one way to win if you bet on Zambia

1) Zambia wins by more than 3 goals

Should Zambia win by precisely 3 goals, THE BET IS A WASH. THE BET IS A TIE. NO ONE OWES ANYONE ANYTHING

It’s imperative that this be understood. Prior to 2008, a precise line counted as a tie. I changed the rules in 2008 to make matters a little more interesting. Too many matches ended in betting draws and your friendly bookie found himself getting bored. It did indeed spice things up, but necessitated more thought, strategy, and (admittedly) conniving scheming.

This will be a relatively small book. To begin with, we’re in new territory here. The tournament will coincide with two notable peaks in the Shadow Scholar writing season. The summer tournaments take place during the deadest part of the year, enabling me to take a nice month-long holiday to focus exclusively on the flippancy of football.

Moreover, I don’t purport to have an encyclopedic knowledge of the African game. Like many of you, I’m merely an enthusiastic and curious convert eager to learn as much as possible during this novel experiment. This should be a great deal of fun for all of us.

Another reason you won’t be seeing dailies, hot girl standings, and tomes of tactical analysis pertains to the grim reality that actually catching full matches will prove difficult. Here’s everything you need to know about actually watching what will surely be an epic tournament:

The tournament structure mirrors that of the European Championship almost precisely. During the first two rounds of group stages, there will be both an early evening and a night match. During the third round of the group stages, both matches will kick off simultaneously. Two slight tweaks to keep in mind.

First, whereas all group stage matches during the first two rounds of the European tournament kicked off later (R 1 & 2 --19:00 and 22:00 R 3—21:45), the African tournament will take greater advantage of summer light. 17:00 and 20:00 are your respective kickoff times for the first two rounds, with 19:00 in use for Round 3. (Central African Standard Time) In the event you find yourself confused by this muddled mess….I understand. That’s why I burned another perfectly good five minutes drawing up this table for syndicate fans around the world:

Group Stage Kickoff Times

Viewing Zone	Hr. Diff	Rounds 1, 2	Round 3
Central EU	-1	16:00, 19:00	18:00
England	-2	15:00, 18:00	17:00
Eastern U.S.	-7	10:00, 13:00	12:00
Central U.S.	-8	9:00, 12:00	11:00
Pacific U.S.	-10	7:00, 10:00	9:00
Eastern AUS	+8	3:00, 6:00	2:00
Western AUS	+6	1:00, 4:00	0:00
Japan/Korea	+7	2:00, 5:00	1:00

Note that matches on Day one will kick off an hour later for extra TV-Hype purposes. That’s the ONLY exception. Also, for anyone currently sojourning in Russia…fuck it…figure it out for yourselves. Vicey simply doesn’t have time to figure out in which of the eleven bloody time zones you’re currently residing. I can just picture the look on my boss’s face when I explain how I was late for work because I was desperately trying to figure out if Kolpashevo and Nizhnevartosk share the same clock.

Editor’s retroactive notes:

In hindsight, arriving at work a few minutes late might not have been an outrageous act after all.   

One more thing concerning kick-offs. Unlike the Euros, the knockout stages in this particular competition progress FAST, FAST, FAST. The Europeans draw out the Quarter- and Semi-Finals so as to maximize profit. The Africans, by contrast, play two quarterfinal matches per day and hold both semifinal matches back-to-back.

Why, you ask? Sadly it comes back to Europeans maximizing profit. The European club teams want their players back in time for the stretch run. Hence, they want this tournament over as quickly as possible. You won’t believe how swiftly we’ll blow through this tournament. Life isn’t always fair (reason # 435,242,672,874,434,324-B).

Onwards to how you can catch some of these fascinating fixtures. The international feed will come courtesy of South African broadcaster SABC. U.K. fans can watch the feed live on ITV. I’ve been unable to confirm whether or not they’ll actually send broadcasters or plop them down in front of a screen.

The French are definitely sending live broadcasters (cant seem to resist he opportunity to interfere in all things African) and you can watch them on Canal+ or via internet feed. Eurosport will take care of the rest of continental Europe, sure to provide amiable coverage. Oliver Kahn and the “Travel Tussie” will be…well…what else? Eating pasta.

Editor’s retroactive notes:

The oblique reference to Oliver Kahn’s appetite for sustenance refers specifically to a Euro 2012, Match #15. France and the Ukraine kicked off in the Donbass Arena in Donetsk right in the middle of a hellish monsoon that featured some of the haunting and virulent lightning you’ll ever witness. The ref suspended play inside the first five minutes, leaving much of the world’s commentators scrambling to fill their allotted airtime.

I’ve no clue ESPN handled the deluge, but one imagines—having not send physical commentators to the match—they simply flipped back to the studio team and found time for more commercials. Ze Germans maintained a feed of one solitary play-by-play announcer commentating on the rain for approximately 58 minutes, occasionally pausing to air euphemistic-laden remarks on how wet and dirty most of the Ukrainian female fans were getting. (The Hot-Girl standings were forever skewed after the incident).

Strict airtime regulations precluded ZDF from showing any commercials or indeed any shots of the “studio team” an der Nordseeküste. At one point, remiss of anything else to say, the play-by-play announcer was erroneously informed that studio correspondent Oliver Kahn had a few words to contribute. Within seconds we were all treated to the relay team calling him off with the words “Kahn’s eating pasta! Kahn’s unavailable.”

An instant cult-classic. Seven months later a massive power outage in the Louisiana Superdome interrupted Super Bowl XLVII for 34 minutes, giving the American live sports audience a taste of how comically bad coverage improvisations can be. These days all that anyone is likely to know about Donetsk is that a bunch of nostalgic Russian speakers have occupied City Hall and a few security installations as the most absurdly over-reported and under-analyzed IR Conflict of our natural lives continues to drag on.

At this point practically everyone and their mother has had an opportunity to say something profoundly stupid about a largely trumped up “camera competition” that few people living in the region could give a shit about. Everyone that is except…..hold on…..one moment…I’m getting word that Oliver Kahn has a few words to contribute. Oliver? Oliver? Nevermind. I’ve been told that Kahn’s eating pasta. Cancel that. Let the rain fall.  

Now comes to truly terrible news for U.S.-based fans (including myself). No U.S. Network will broadcast the tournament. Fox Soccer Channel wasn’t even remotely interested in bidding for the rights. Moreover, their flagship news program (“Fox Soccer News”) provides almost no coverage of African Football. They might provide you the scores, but they don’t even retain the rights to show you highlights. Instead, they’ll simply do what American media does best, turn things over to a bimbo who analyzes your twitter comments on wholly unimportant issues.

ESPN holds the broadcast rights. Gol-TV remains far too broke to challenge them. ESPN will not, however, air any of the games on any of their four broadcast networks. It’s College Basketball Season. Life isn’t always fair (reason # 435,242,672,874,434,324-C). Nevertheless, one can catch all the games on the internet-based ESPN-3 or various peer-to-peer websites via your laptop.

Taking the tournament in via computer screen actually doesn’t really constitute a reason to pout. It’s not hard to locate broadcasts, and it’s undeniably a lovely experience to watch games in multiple languages. With peer-to-peer, one never knows what’s coming down the pike. Start a game in French, flick on over to Portuguese one that gets too annoying, and witness the spectacular conclusion in Spanish. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!

There’s more good news tucked away in a current event that everyone is talking about for the wrong reasons. As you’ve surely heard, Al Gore recently sold his low-rated cable channel, “Current TV” to Al Jazeera. How does this transaction signify fantastic news for football fans? The Qatar-based network will shutter the channel, having really only paid for the bandwidth, and replace it (according to some) with “Al Jazeera Sports”.  

Al Jazeera Sports will be covering this tournament. Dammit. Had Gore sold out sooner, we’d be watching the festivities on the big screen. Oh well. At least we’re moving in the right direction. Now all we have to do is replace FOX News with “The Professional Cockfighting Channel” and we’ll all be smarter and better people.

Editor’s retroactive notes:

With Fox Soccer Channel now defunct, hopes remain high that NBCSN might cover some of the 2015 competition. Hell, it’s NBC after all. What else do they hold the rights to in a non olympic year? The NHL Regular Season? Wait a second…there’s an NHL REGULAR SEASON? Surely you jest!

We’ll be keeping a close eye on developments over at “Syndicate Headquarters”. Only nine months remaining. Someone bid for this!! Christ, you could probably purchase CAN Broadcast rights with livestock!

Yes, yes people. Vicey is almost finished with his trademark meandering. We’ll arrive at the lines momentarily. First, I must take a few lines to address my friends, syndicate members, and anyone else who stumbled upon this page by accident both seriously and sincerely.

If you happen to be a skimmer, PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO READ AND CONTEMPLATE THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE:

We all know “The Syndicate” isn’t really a moneymaking operation. Your friendly bookie selected such a title in act of subtle sarcasm; the very same subtle sarcasm that we trade in as we reconnect to verbally spar, joke around, and generally goof off with irreverent humor. The true traffic of the syndicate isn’t money, but friendship. It provides a fabulous opportunity to flex some creative muscle, sharpen one’s wit, and to once again communicate with far-flung mates with whom one might otherwise have nothing to discuss.

This is all fine and good when writing about the First World, where sport may be taken seriously, but mostly functions as an escape to sensible people with some perspective on life. Writing something humorous and entertaining about Africa presents more of a challenge, precisely the reason I opted to finally bite the bullet and try. I have my opinions. You’ll see. Opinions that would get me beheaded in some of the countries I write about. I’ve opinions on the American populace too, ones that will likely earn me some menacing threats from a few dolts who think they live in a tyrannical state.

There’s so much about Africa that isn’t a laughing matter at all. For instance, over the course of this tournament we may well receive dreadful news of innocent civilians in Nigeria, Mali, or Somalia being killed for no other reason than they wished to watch some football…just as we do. Not funny. Soul-crushing if nothing else. So, why am I doing this at all? Good question. I’m fortunate to live in a society where my speech is protected, as every human being should. If I can’t handle a bit of hatemail, some spiteful language, or even a stray death threat perhaps I don’t deserve to.

It would be ideal if people in our privileged society employed the following strategy when confronted with something controversial or objectionable: Stop reading and move on with your life. Alas, that just isn’t how it works. I’m prepared to catch a bit of flack. Only never from my Syndicate Brothers. You’re the most intelligent, witty, and thoughtful beings I’ve ever known. Please do yourselves proud by simply joining in the fun.

Whew…enough of that. I’m putting down my copy of “Joseph Anton”, never to pick it up again. One of the perks of being a simple hobby writer with slightly below average talent and an audience that numbers in the dozens is that I’ll never face the problems Salmon Rushdie did. Of course, I’ll also never marry a supermodel….but…you know…somehow I’m at peace with that.

Following our traditional disclaimer, let the games begin!

All lines are calculated personally by your friendly bookie Vicey….a man happy to earn $8 an hour if it means he has time to write. The correspondence that follows is, as always, crafted with sincere amity for those who appreciate sharp wit and a small extra spot of fun in their day. Should you prefer solemnity, drama, and conflict… kindly return to your residence application for “The Citadel”.  

Saturday

South Africa vs. Cape Verde

 vs. 

Welcome back to Johannesburg’s Soccer City! Oh so many memories here. It was here in 1996 that South Africa, just two years removed from the plague of Apartheid, beat Tunisia to earn their first African Cup of Nations trophy. It was here, just two and a half years ago that Siphwe Tshahbalala got us off to a cracking start with that laser of a goal. Remember that stomach-churning epic Quarterfinal between Uruguay and Ghana? How about Vincente del Bosque and the boys hoisting up their first ever World Cup trophy?

Here’s hoping you recall, as these were legendary moments that we all shared together. It’s great to back in Soccer City, primed to make yet more history; more memories. As noted in the Introductory Section, the former Portuguese archipelago of Cape Verde make their first appearance in a meaningful international tournament….and they’re actually a damn good squad. The latest FIFA rankings even have them ahead of their fellow group members.

The crisis years continue for Bafana, Bafana who have done nothing but tank since their last international competition. Regardless, I’m willing to wager that they’ll snap out of this inevitable decline, if only for one brief shining moment

THE LINE: South Africa +1 Goal

Editor’s retroactive notes:

RESULT: South Africa 0, Cape Verde 0. Both teams strode onto the pitch full of pace, but unable to overcome their nerves. Searching forward balls dominated the first half as the both teams attempted to break through a midfield deadlock with sheer power and speed. Efforts by Tshabalala, Phali, and Sangweni to deliver vertical arcs to the boot-tips of Parker and Majoro were ambitious to begin with. Such spectacular plays would have necessitated nearly perfect timing, and the jitters precluded such coordination.

Whilst the South African backfield couldn’t generate anything memorable at the end of their “rope passes”, the Blue Sharks did manage to punch through and afford Ryan Mendes and Platini early opportunities in space. Neither one could supply a clean finish and the underdogs couldn’t attain a much-deserved early lead. Around the 20 minute mark Shark keeper Vozinha proved himself wise to Bafana’s rather crude strategy of lobbing hopeful long-range boots by sprinting out to punch a gift for Majoro away at the edge of the 18. Maratimo forward Heldon Ramos acrobatically collected a well-headed- on late first half corner, but lacked the resolve to take another touch before directly an effort to Kuhne.

Nine minutes after the restart, Bafana finally managed to cook up something special. Bernard Parker left the fullbacks twisted with a sweet little deke on the right side of the danger area. He then picked out Lelohonolo Majoro in space with a soft-touch ground pass. Majoro might have had legitimately claimed that the Fernando Varela pick that left sprawled prostrate on the ground constituted a foul, but the ensuing effort by Siphiwe Tshablala, who claimed the loose ball only to tap it directly into the keeper’s chest, left Bafana with little cause for complaint.

Both sides then settled into a conservative and tentative routine. The only two chances of note in the final half hour came via South African set pieces, badly botched by Katlego Mphela and Bongani Khumalo respectively. Ho hum. An opening nil-nil draw bade poorly for the tournament’s prospects. Nevertheless, this bookie recognized enough athleticism to remain optimistic and enjoyed watching a game that most certainly exhibited a unique African style-of-play.  

Angola vs. Morocco

 vs. 

The “Lions of the Atlas” have the momentum coming out of the qualifying round and the more well-rounded squad. The Black…or Sable if you insist…Antelopes have a bunch of old heroes who should be considered old hats. Nothin' but love for my boys “Flavio”, “Dede” and “Gilberto”. No, I didn’t forget Arsenio Sebastio Cabungula (a.k.a “Love”). The sentence “nothing but love for ‘Love’” doesn’t really work, you see?

At any rate, I remain ecstatic to see these guys in action again. Until I can verify that they maintain the speed and agility to compete, however, I can only set a high line.

THE LINE: Morocco +2 Goals

Editor’s retroactive notes:

RESULT: Morocco 0, Angola 0. The only thing worse than opening a tournament with a goalless draw is following it up with yet another nil-nil stinker. Played in front of a nearly empty Soccer City Stadium, the opposing sides both showed some long-range prowess, but accomplished little aside from keeping the respective keepers on their toes.

Attacking midfielder Lingo Bille offered the first test with a thirty-yard drive that forced Nadir Lamyargi into a sliding save. Fiorentina’s Mounir El Hamadoui and Aston Villa’s Karim El Ahmadi responded in kind with their own worthy long-range bullets that kept Angola keeper Lama warm.

Beyond these three chances, the first half proceeded along rather uneventfully. The Sable Antelopes maintained most of the second half possession. Most memorably, second half substitute striker Guilherme miffed three separate chances to break the deadlock. 

After collecting a loose ball and misfiring toward the empty net in the 52^nd, he demonstrated tepid heading ability in screwing two chances wide. Poor heading was also on display from the remaining two strikers, Manucho Gonclaves and Mateus. Shaking off his squandering of quality crosses, Mateus did manage to snipe in an impressive laser-shot three minutes from time. Lamyargi gobbled it up and stood tall in the face of persistent Angolan pressure down the stretch.

Sunday

Ghana vs. Democratic Republic of Congo

 vs. 

Next we’re headed to Port Elizabeth….a shitty name for a town that should have gone the way of “Rhodesia”. “Nelson Mandela Stadium” is the venue where we’ll see if the Black Stars can continue their international hot streak. Most eyes should focus on Asamoah Gyan, now donning the captain’s armband after his controversial dumping by Premiership Club Sunderland.

All the big names will be present: Kwadwo Asamoah, Badu, Vorsah, and Mensah.

Will Africa’s new champion disappoint? Signs point to…..high line.

Incidentally, should anyone wish to learn a little something about the curious emerging U.S.-Ghana Rivalry, there’s an entire section’s worth of content in the primer.

THE LINE: Ghana +2 Goals

Editor’s retroactive notes:

RESULT: Ghana 2, Congo DR 2. Finally we were rolling with a action-packed four-four goal feast! This one was a real treat. Early action saw Lomana LuaLua and Kwadwo Asamoah trade incisive runs that both culminated in chances that shaved the woodwork. Captains Asamoah Gyan and Tresor Mputu were both recipients of sharp passes and efficient cycling. While their outsized amount of possession didn’t yield any clear chances, both players appeared fit and sufficiently technical on the ball.

One had the sense that the first half wouldn’t draw to a close without a goal. It arrived in spectacular fashion in the 40^th minute when Kwadwo Asamoah calmly ignored the three defenders bearing down on him towards the end of an electrifying run and touched the ball over to Emmanuel Agyemang-Badu for a brilliant sliding finish. Agyemang-Badu had been instrumental in initiating the neat little give-and-go and himself did a fine job out muscling Larrys Mabiala for the tight finish.

The Black Stars again threatened immediately after the restart, failing to double up in 48^th only after a brave sliding tackle off a square ball by Mabiala and a fine diving tip-save from Leopard keeper Muteba Kidiaba. Two minutes later Appiah’s Ghanaians would succeed in doubling the advantage Kwadwo came crashing in to deliver an immaculate far post header off of Mubarak Wakaso’s cross. The tall Juventus fullback made the most of his size, strength, and the complete inability of the Leopards to even account for his presence by marking him.

Leopard captain Mputu obstinately refused to allow the run of play to tilt decisively in the Black Star’s favor. A scant four minutes later Mabiala finished up a scintillating forward run with an adroit pass into Mputu that split the Ghanian defense. Mputu didn’t bother taking a touch a the ball rolled well inside the 18. Instead, he calmly waited a couple of seconds for Jerry Akaminko to chase him down on his left flank and keeper Fadua Dadau to commit before flicking in a sly effort with the outside of his right boot.

Congo drew level a quarter of an hour later when Akaminko’s frustration got the better of him. He had no cause to play Dieumerci Mbokani so far off the ball whilst in the box, although the awarding of a spot kick did seem just a mite harsh. Mbokani coolly converted the PK and Leopard keeper Muteba Kidiaba memorably celebrated by hoping between his goal posts in a most peculiar “ride that pony” way.

Congo might have even taken the entire three points had Dadua not SOMEHOW managed to get fingertips to a Youssef Mulumbu drilled drive in the 70^th. Four tactical substitutions in rapid succession followed, with both coaches seemingly content to play for a draw over the final 20 minutes. Asamoah Gyan produced a lovely glancing header that Kidiaba had to step forward and save deep into injury time. From a certain angle it looked as the ball had just barely crossed the line. Replays confirmed, however, that the officiating staff was correct not to award a goal.  

Mali vs. Niger

 vs. 

Conversely, should anyone find themselves easily offended, they should avoid the Primer altogether. Strong words for Ansar Dine and their primitive brand of subjugation-based governance. Die and burn. Let bombs rain down on their Kangaroo Shariah courts, whilst the rest of the population celebrates an inspiring victory. 

Maiga, Diakate, and Maiga again

THE LINE: Mali +2 Goals

Editor’s retroactive notes:

RESULT: Mali 1, Niger 0. They can’t all be winners, of course. After Black Stars and Leopards lit up the pitch, this total snoozefest commenced. Essentially nothing of note transpired in a languid first half that television cameras confirmed caught some of the live audience sleeping through.

Mali trainer Patrice Carteron then subbed out right-flank forward C.F. Diara for natural striker Mahamadou Samassa and retooled the formation from 4-3-3 to a 4-4-2. The ensuing space in midfield conferred enough freedom on the very hungry captain Seyadou Keita, who unleashed a pair of scorching long-range efforts, one which forced a solid save and another which struck the bar.

Keita was eventually gifted a chance in the 84^th after Niger keeper Kassaly Daouda made a hash out of routine cross, failing to either punch or collect. The ball then deflected directly into Keita’s path and he needed only smack it home. It was a stroke of very good fortune, albeit one that the Eagles of Mali on balance deserved. 

Monday

Zambia vs. Ethiopia

 vs. 

How do I now this one will be brutal? Call it the “East African Football Fan Complex”, call it the “Katongo Hunch”. Call it what you will. The defending champs are set to roll all over the shaky debutantes. It won’t be pretty.

Following this rather rude introduction, there’s every reason to assume that the Black Lions will recover.

THE LINE: Zambia +3 Goals

Editor’s retroactive notes:

RESULT: Zambia 1, Ethiopia 1. Legions of yellow-clad fans made the trek down South to watch their nation’s first appearance in a major international tournament for 22 years! Official attendance at the Mbombela stadium in Nelspruit was listed as 10,000, but anyone beholding that sea of yellow must conclude that this was grossly understated.

The raucous crowd fueled an early positive run of play for the underdogs, who almost immediately began to choke and throw it all away. Center forward Saladin had charging Zambian keeper Kennedy Mweenie beat in 16^th. With a brilliant first-touch volley, he delicately flipped the ball over Mweenie’s head. By all accounts this should have been the opening goal. In an apparent affront to the laws of physics, however, the ball took a hard bounce of the pitch and cleared the crossbar.

If one had any sympathy for Saladin’s hard luck, it was completely eradicated when the then Wadi Degla forward struck a decidedly weak low penalty that Mweenie was easily able to save to his right in the 23rd. The two blown chances were huge as one expected the Copper Bullets to wake from their uncharacteristic slumber any moment.

Captain Christopher Katongo jumpstarted the attack with a scorching effort that Ethipian keeper Jemal Tassew was just barely able to stave off near the half hour mark. Faced with mounting pressure, the Ethiopian back four entered a total meltdown phase, looking more and more woefully disorganized at the back. Isaac Chansa caught them napping in the 35^th, hitting a striding Chisamba Lungu onside after he slipped past four backtracking defenders.

Lungu had only the keeper to beat and Tassew had little choice but to deploy the “professional foul”. In this particular instance he rushed forward attempting a desperate “kung fu kick clearance”. Such a sloppy and foolhardy challenge was bound to end badly and poor Lungu took a full set of spikes to the abdomen. Tassew deservedly earned a red card and the “Walias” were down to ten men.

The Copper Bullets opened the scoring in splendid fashion three minutes into first half injury time. Chansa again demonstrated superb creative initiative with a cheeky little headed flick on that Collins Mbesuma deftly chested down and slapped in first time of the bounce. Absent that sweet little setup, however, the Bullets made zero use of their man advantage. 

The next notable opportunity came in the 65^th when Saladin sprung captain Adane Girma, who then slung in a well-struck equalizer from 8 yards right and tight. In contrast to their earlier follies, the Ethiopian back four remained compact and organized for the duration, denying the heavy favorites any real opportunity to retake the lead.   

Nigeria vs. Burkina Faso

 vs. 

Rounding out the day in Nelspruit, we’ve got an especially tasty match on the board. A healthy spate of Premiership Stars with everything to prove. At this juncture, my thoughts on the Super Eagles tend towards the supernaturally morbid. They’re hexed, cursed, doomed if you will. This spell will only truly manifest itself in due time. For now, expect a stellar debut.

THE LINE: Nigeria +2 Goals

Editor’s retroactive notes:

RESULT: Nigeria 1, Burkina Faso 1. The Road back to glory began inauspiciously enough for the Super Eagles. Though Keshi’s odd-looking 4-1-2-1 controlled the pace and regulated the flow as good as any starting eleven I’ve ever seen, chances remained at a premium irrespective of how much time was spent in the attacking third. Ideye Brown, on this occasion situated as the lone central forward, swept past Barbary Kone and Panandetigiuiri with little difficulty to get a few decent looks on goal during the opening quarter of an hour. 

He still couldn’t quite get the angle that he wanted, blasting over telegraphed passes and useful crosses on at least three occasions. Neither of them truly looked like they might phase the keeper, even if they were delivered from close range.

Brown looked not only to lack awareness, but was extremely luckily to not have ceded a penalty after clearing handling a ball in the box. The Dynamo Kiev forward redeemed himself in the 23^rd minute with a sickeningly sweet touch only superceded by Emmanuel Emmenike’s brilliant finish. Brown literally sliced a blindly-lobbed in ball out of midair that threaded directly between the two Burkinabe fullbacks and into contestable range. With no small amount of hustle, Emmenike outran both defenders and one-toed the ball past overcommitted keeper Abdoulaye Soulama.

The Stallions barely produced anything noteworthy until the second half. Vincent Enyeama did well to turn around a Moumani Dagano effort at full stretch to preserve the lead as the hour mark approached. At the other end, a pullback pass from Ahmed Musa proved too hard and heavy for substitute Ikechukwu Uche to handle. Though he managed to maintain possession with a side-footed first touch, the ball was simply spinning to wildly for him to get a handle on the ensuing shot.

Right back Efe Ambrose was sent off on double yellows after grabbing Jonathan Pitroipa’s shirt in the 74^th, but it still came as a shock when the Burkinabes pulled back the equalizer on what was surely the last play of the game. The Super Eagles continued to hold form all the way until the 94^th minute, when Godfrey Oboabonna failed to clear an extremely easy ball and substitute Alain Traore pounced.

Cruel twist of fate for the Super Eagles, but they wouldn’t let early adversity deter them. 

Tuesday

Cote d’Ivoire vs. Togo

 vs. 

How long will the saga of Drogba endure? Does Adebayor have something special in store for us after his long/undeserved excommunication? Christ, you don’t want to miss this match. Anticipate a high-scoring shootout. Tuesday. Rustenberg. Check your time schedules. Be there.

THE LINE: Cote d’Ivoire +1 Goal

Editor’s retroactive notes:

RESULT: Cote d’Ivoire 2, Togo 1. And it turned out to be quite the entertaining affair as well. Adebayor provided us with some splendor early on, picking Kolo Toure’s pocket and racing around Ivorian keeper Boubacar Barry. The Belgian mainstay managed to just barely prevent Adebayor from finding free range with a fingertip deflection. Nevertheless the tone was set already in the 3^rd minute.

Three minutes thereafter, Gervinho sliced and diced his way past Abdoul Mamah on the right flank with extraordinary poise and thrilling footwork. His eventual cross found Yaya Toure after a deflection. Toure’s shot, in turn, found the back of the net via deflection. Gervinho’s innovative movement, however, ultimately left one feeling the goal was deserved. The then Arsenal mainstay was only getting warmed up on what would prove a magical match for him.

The Togolese mustered a decent enough response with a few whizzing efforts from well outside the 18, but it was Yaya Toure who most looked like scoring with a 44^th minute tomahawk that caromed of the near post. The Sparrow Hawks were thus as surprised as anyone else when they equalized off a broken set-piece in the 46^th. After Dare Nibombe wiffed on a Serge Gapke corner, Jonathan Ayite found himself in the right place at the right time. The Ligue 2 man unflinchingly flipped in an effort Barry knew nothing about.

Gervinho kept up his marvelous activities on the right flank, sometimes even roaming for larger switches on the far post. He would do everything in his power to feed Yaya Toure the ideal cross, but the best the Man City midfielder could produce was a snipe directly into the arms of the keeper early after the restart. After the hour mark, the pair again attempted to team up for a winner. This time Toure’s effort was a bit more vicious, but Togolese keeper Kossi Agassa proved himself equal too it, even calmly hanging on to the high-driven effort deftly.

Shortly after a semi-controversial disallowed Togolese goal kept the game deadlocked, the respective coaches began their tinkering. Floyd Ayite replaced Gakpe as Sparrow Hawk trainer Didier Six sought to deploy two strikers. At the other end, his fellow Frenchman Sabri Lamouchi countered the raising of the offensive stakes by introducing Kalou for Didier Ya Konan. The moves appeared to neutralize each other. Approximately fifteen minutyes later Lamouchi pulled Drogba for Wilfried Bony while Six substituted Segbefia for goalscorer J. Ayite.

Six might have preserved a draw had he considered a defensive substitution to replace the tiring Nimbombe. The lanky centerback blew his set piece assignment on a whipped in free kick from none other than Yaya Toure. At the end of Toure’s cross was none other than Gervinho. The dastardly duo thus combined to deliver Les Elephants the winning goal with a stabbing effort that left Agassa without a chance.  Many of us felt genuine empathy for Togo after Bassou lifted nice piece of creativity into the box that was well headed-on by Adebayor. Dakonam Djene got a decent effort on goal out of it, but there were to be no last-minute miracles at the end of this day.

Tunisia vs. Algeria

 vs. 

It’s the battle of the Berbers! Two North African states duel some 9,000 miles from their usual sandpit. For every goal scored, we’ll see an extra minute of injury time. These footballers have to pray, after all. Both sides retain strong form and it will be tight. Based on the talent pool, however, we’ll likely witness the desert foxes eking out victory late in a closely contested contest. 

THE LINE: Algeria +1 Goal

GENTLEMEN, ENTER YOUR WAGERS

Editor’s retroactive notes:

RESULT: Tunisia 1, Algeria 0. Having resolved to sit this match out as a matter of general principle, I found myself tuning in sparingly after the Tunisians strung together a magnificent counterattack in the dying moments of the first half. Very much preoccupied with typing up the next round’s lines, I threw the intermittent glance at a game mostly plays that were whistled dead before anything noteworthy could occur. As is often the case with such torpid affairs, a last-minute moment of brilliance precluded the game from being entirely forgettable.

Youssef Mskani patiently dribbled toward the center of the pitch, affording himself the opportunity to line up a curling shot from 25 yards out. He smashed a beauty that seemed destined for the right corner of the net. It was a goal very much reminiscent of Lahm’s opener in WM 2006. Good for him. I found myself pleased that at least one North African country had lost.