Mambo/Vipi Syndicate friends,
The “Africa Experiment” is off to a terrific start. The “Africa Experiment” sounds like a horribly terrible screenplay so unfathomably bad that it could only be written by yours truly. More on that later. First, we’ve got to give it up for what has turned out to be a thoroughly entertaining tournament.
After a disappointing day of goalless draws, we witnessed that spectacular Ghanaian-Congolese shootout in Port Elizabeth. Following that, the Eagles of Mali jolted us with some lionhearted execution and both the Ethiopians and Burkinabés ensured that matters would remain intriguing.
With the possible exception of Sunday’s mesmerizing duel
to the death, today’s instant classic between Cote d’Ivoire and Togo gave us
our first gold-plated platinum recording tailor made for posterity. It’s been
great fun. Thanks to all of the syndicate members who have chimed in. Thanks to
all of you.
Thanks to CAN (or CAF if you prefer the French enunciation) for putting on this great show. Bravo to all the players involved for some top-class football. We’re having a blast…and only just getting started. Well done, Africa. You’ve brought much joy to the heart of a humble bookie.
Thanks to CAN (or CAF if you prefer the French enunciation) for putting on this great show. Bravo to all the players involved for some top-class football. We’re having a blast…and only just getting started. Well done, Africa. You’ve brought much joy to the heart of a humble bookie.
Before going any further, we’ll have to address the
Elephant in the room. And I a’int talking about Cote d’Ivoire. More than a few
Syndicate members wrote in to express ire at the classification of this book as
the “8th Syndicate”.
Admittedly, I fucked up lumping the two 2009 Syndicates together and completely forgetting about this Autumn’s Election. My fault entirely. We’re presently in the process of building “The 11th Syndicate”. Once again, my apologies. We may not have time for a counter-riff Mailbag Section or an impudent “Ramblings” Segment, but I can—at the very least—set the record straight on where we stand chronologically:
Admittedly, I fucked up lumping the two 2009 Syndicates together and completely forgetting about this Autumn’s Election. My fault entirely. We’re presently in the process of building “The 11th Syndicate”. Once again, my apologies. We may not have time for a counter-riff Mailbag Section or an impudent “Ramblings” Segment, but I can—at the very least—set the record straight on where we stand chronologically:
1) WM 2002—“The Humble Beginnings of a Syndicate”
A nineteen-year-old college student found himself frustrated after a mediocre first semester in college. He decided that most of his summer should be spent happily hacking away at the keys inside the LSU Computer Lab…when he wasn’t getting up at 2 a.m. to get drunk and watch football
2) EM 2004—“Revenge of the Syndicate”
A twenty-one-year-old college student may have maintained a 4.0 Grade average, but still found himself frustrated with his then stagnate situation. The only solution was to write about football
3) WM 2006—“The Curse of the Syndicate”
A twenty-three-year-old college graduate quit his job shortly before moving into a penthouse. He would later re-apply for the very same job…but first he had to write about football
4) EM 2008—“Syndicate United”
A twenty-five-year-old Master’s Candidate found himself back in the States after a long European sojourn. He felt the pressure even before it really commenced. Although his studies kept him busy, he found it necessary to write about football.
5) WMQ 2009—“Syndicate with Avengence”
A twenty-six-year-old graduate school dropout got bored waiting for the World Cup to begin. He thus composed a mini-thesis on the qualifying rounds.
6) WMQ 2009—“Syndicate: Afterlife”
A twenty-six-year-old graduate school dropout discovered that the only way to ameliorate his despair was to continue writing about the final qualifying stages associated with the coming world cup.
7) WM 2010—“Attack of the Syndicate”
A twenty-seven-year-old graduate school dropout encountered the 2010 World Cup. The inconvenient fact that he held a full-time job wouldn’t stop him from writing the most irreverent and ridiculous Sportsbook ever.
8) FWM 2011—“Bride of Syndicate”
A twenty-eight-year-old journeymen realized that writing about women’s football could be a worthwhile pursuit. After all, he had secretly watched the women’s game for a cheap frill. Why not learn more about it?
9) EM 2012—“Syndicate: Resurrection”
A twenty-nine-year-old loser decided it was high time to sojourn in Europe again. Hence, he went. He traveled. He watched. He wrote. He even wwoofed. (No time to explain what that means).
10) Election 2012—“Syndicate: Apocalypse”
A twenty-nine-year-old locked-in career man, who had always kept an Election Book, fought through the exhaustion in order to get rid of some piss and vinegar.
11) CAN 2013—“Syndicate: Dark Continent”
A thirty-year-old locked-in career mad encountered a revelation. Namely, “fuck it”. As a Shadow Scholar, he’s written a conservative estimate of nearly 15,000 pages. His syndicate may comprise only 1,300 of those pages, but it was the best 1,300. Let’s get naked and write. How’s that for a life motto?
Editor’s
retroactive notes:
All 100% true. There you have the history of The
Syndicate in brutally honest detail. Things might have turned out differently
had I found myself having to support a family. (As many men do when they reach
their 30s) In lieu of this, your friendly bookie threw all of his burgeoning
fatherly instincts into Shadow Scholarship and Football Blogging.
As a direct result of my paternalistic tendencies, particular with reference to the loving care I exude when conferencing with clients or writing a “Goodbyes and Championship Pick” Section, one client/syndicate member once encouraged me to “knock some chick up”. Inelegantly stated, but stellar advice. We’ll see if we can’t accomplish that prior to the 2022 World Cup in Qatar.
As a direct result of my paternalistic tendencies, particular with reference to the loving care I exude when conferencing with clients or writing a “Goodbyes and Championship Pick” Section, one client/syndicate member once encouraged me to “knock some chick up”. Inelegantly stated, but stellar advice. We’ll see if we can’t accomplish that prior to the 2022 World Cup in Qatar.
I’ve the sinking feeling that somewhere out there one of you is just waiting to point out that all of the previous syndicates were named after bad Hollywood Sequels, yet this one appears to be different. Allow me to briefly put my soul on the table. “Dark Continent” was, in fact, the name of a frivolously fucked-up sequel. It was written by none other than your friendly bookie.
After having written “Eurailers”, the riveting tale of a band of enervated immortals who bravely trekked from the fjords of Oslo to the canals of Stockholm, down through the lighted waterways of Copenhagen and the reflective shine of Lübeck, headed southwest to Bremen before heading over to Hamburg, to make their final sharp eastward turn towards Berlin. Later they visit Prague and Bratislava before hitting up Warsaw, Minsk, and eventually Moscow.
The hook binding it all together was their lack of sleep
for some millennia. The central character was a vampiric dark heart by the name
of “Pfälzer”. He hadn’t slept for over five centuries and might have been based
on someone you know. In any event, the astounding success of this screenplay
which no one ever saw led your friendly bookie to scribe a totally unrelated
sequel entitled “Eurailers: Dark Continent”.
In this installment, a band of roving immortals traveled from Lagos to Antanarivo. Along the way, they stopped in Abuja, Bangui, Kinshasa, Luanda, Kigali, Kigala, Kampala, Nairobi, Dodoma, and Dar-es-Salaam.
In this installment, a band of roving immortals traveled from Lagos to Antanarivo. Along the way, they stopped in Abuja, Bangui, Kinshasa, Luanda, Kigali, Kigala, Kampala, Nairobi, Dodoma, and Dar-es-Salaam.
Ugh. Danny McBride may claim to be the Lord of Bad Screenplays,
but I assure you I have him beat. Let’s get on with the football….
Editor’s
retroactive notes:
Stop pretending as if you don’t either have some
obscenely bad screenplays, gag-inducing poetry, or (most likely) BOTH stashed
away in your attic or garage. It happened to all of us. Youth…..what the
heuristically misbegotten fuck were we thinking?
My updated stats:
Spread: 1-7
Straight up: 2-1-5
Five draws in eight games will do that to a bookie not
desperate enough to call for a pick. Someone needs to give these remarkably
tentative teams a swift kick in the ass.
As per our tradition, we’ll rank our sixteen countries
based on their opening round performances:
1) Cote d’Ivoire
In spite of the heavy pressure placed on the favorites, Les Elephants came through in fine style. To be fair, Yaya Toure knew very little about the fortuitous deflection that put his side ahead after 8 minutes, allowing everyone to relax and patiently begin taking control of the match.
Nevertheless, the fact that this team didn’t waste a precious second idly looking at the gift horse says a lot. They took the propitious bounce and immediately proceeded to get the job done. True professionals.
Editor’s retroactive notes:
Yaya Toure DID, in fact, give Adebayor much more than
an inch. Somehow my proclivity toward soaring rhetoric seemed prepared to
ignore that.
Gervinho and Gradel took control of the flanks. Drogba
gave up the body to contest every last 50-50. Kolo Toure didn’t give an inch.
Yaya Toure would have doubled the advantage had it not been for the woodwork.
Lady Luck giveth and taketh, and Les Elephants didn’t let the bizarrely flukish
fall of the corner to Jonathan Ayite slow them down.
We all know that Didier Drogba is nowhere near the
behemoth of a player he once was. Doesn’t matter if he no longer has to carry
this team on his shoulders. Yaya Toure looks to be on fire. Hanover 96’s Didier
Ya Konan lit it up today. Boubacar Barry showed he could neutralize most any
effort thrown at him.
The favorites remain the favorites. Period.
2) Mali
Bravo, bravo! “Africa’s Team” is up, running, and heating up. The Eagles’ 4-3-3 looks damn impressive indeed, though one wonders how long it can keep firing on all cylinders. One can’t reasonably expect Carteron to roll out Diabate and the two Diabys every game in a rushed tournament.
Won’t fatigue ultimately run this squad of already thin top-flight players ragged?
Not necessarily. The French trainer aptly managed his
triplicate threats minutes. Rennes’s Cheick Diarra earned some rest after a
confidence building audition during the first 45 while Sigamary Diarra took a
seat after a relentless 75-minute shift during which he left it all on the
pitch.
Cateron retains so many weapons that afford him great
flexibility when drawing up his next eleven. Much to everyone’s surprise,
former Olympique Marseille forward Mamadou Sammassa did not start. Instead, he
relieved C. Diaby to spark a lively second half for the Eagles.
Speaking of old names, seeing former Liverpool and
Juventus mainstay Mohammed Sissoko stride onto the pitch and immediately
interject himself into the play was also a thrill. Watching gutsy Metz winger
Mahamane Traore play his heart out brought an ear-to-ear smile to this bookies
face. Oh yes. They’re good….and will get even better as the tournament
progresses.
In all my geopolitical ranting and raving over the current
offensive to beat back Ansar Dine in Northern Mali, I neglected to truly
emphasize what a deeply stacked football team this is. It also happened to be
late and I was a mite too exhausted to write something seminally coherent
concerning the confusing spate of names that fill the roster.
As intimated above, we have an “S. Diarra” and a “C. Diarra”.
Thankfully, Carteron opted to start his young backup keeper. Otherwise we would
have had to contend with the fact that there were two “Diakites” on the pitch.
Apropos Samba Diakete and Soumbelia Diakete, don’t get them confused with
Bordeaux’s Chieck Diabate. While you’re at it, don’t mix up Mahamane Traore and
Mohammed Kaliou Traore. Don’t forget to differentiate between Adamana
Coulibaly, Idrissa Coulibaly, and Ousmane Coulibably.
African surnames….we’ve had these problems before. There’s
the “Kones” of Cote d’Ivoire, the “Boateng/Asamoahs” of Ghana, the list goes on
and on. For now suffice to bear in mind that these Eagles are absurdly
talented. Azulgrana alum Seydou Keita’s immaculate finish after Doada botched
Diawara’s cross is only the beginning of what we can expect from him.
Just seven minutes earlier he struck the bar. Very strong debuts from Samba Diakite, Mamadou Samassa, Mahamane Traore, Mahamadou Ndiaye, Chiek Diabate, and Chiek Diara, all of whom produced quality scoring chances. We haven’t even seen Hammer Forward Modibo Maiga yet, a towering target man sure to produce his own moment of magic before we’re through.
Just seven minutes earlier he struck the bar. Very strong debuts from Samba Diakite, Mamadou Samassa, Mahamane Traore, Mahamadou Ndiaye, Chiek Diabate, and Chiek Diara, all of whom produced quality scoring chances. We haven’t even seen Hammer Forward Modibo Maiga yet, a towering target man sure to produce his own moment of magic before we’re through.
All the way Eagles! Africa needs heroes.
All the way! FUCK ANSAR DINE!
All the way! FUCK ANSAR DINE!
3) Tunisia
Well….the Maghreb Derby proceeded more or less as I had envisioned it, save for the fact that the wrong team scored the late goal. The whole sordid affair was nothing more than a colorless war of attrition.
In Tunisia’s case, I saw almost nothing worthy of commentating
on. All one can now say is that their chances of advancing are significantly
enhanced.
Welcome to the FOURTH installment of “Your friendly bookie
doesn’t much care to expend too much energy on North Africa”.
4) Congo DR
That hard fought if not somewhat felicitous draw looks to work out very well for the Leopards. Next up should be an easy three points against Niger, giving high-octane Anderlecht teammates Papy Kabangu and Dieumerci Mbokani yet more time to gel and speed up to peak form.
Aged striker Lomana LuaLua, formerly of Pompey and Newcastle, may not have the legs to go a full 90 minutes anymore, but Christ did he look good in that surging first half.
In as best as I could discern, it appears that Claude
Leroy has Mbokani spearheading the attack as the central striker, buttressed by
two short-strikers. The backup roles were filled at various times by Kabungu,
Makaidi, Youssouf Mulumbu, Tressor Mputu, LuaLua, Kalyituka, and Deo Kanda. I
had never even heard of the final two on that list, suggesting that Le Roy has
been engaging in some fairly innovative experiments on the training pitch.
The inclusive mixture of European Club stars with domestic
league players indicates that Le Roy is prepared to go for broke. He’s got tons
of options, all of who have a penchant for attack and a hunger for goal. Hell,
why NOT throw them all into the mix and see where it leads?
I’m rapidly becoming a zealous convert. A scant four days
ago, I gave this squad 4-1 overall championship odds. After Sunday’s surprisingly
pulsating coming-out party, I’ll drop that to 2-1.
Go Leopards, Go!
Editor’s retroactive notes:
Editor’s retroactive notes:
Such confidence turned out to be wildly misplaced…..of
course. ; (
5) Burkina Faso
A fantastic result for the Stallions, whose prospects for the knockout stages just received a big boost. They couldn’t possibly have looked bleaker at kickoff, with Allain Traore and Willy Sanou scratched after light injuries caused them to fail Belgian coach Paul Put’s fitness test.
Yes, you read that correctly. The Burkinabes are managed
by a man named “Paul Put”. He’s overseen steady improvement after the previous
tenures of managers, the Dutchman “A. Dolff-Heetler”, the Saudi “Oussama
al-Awlaki”, the Australian “Kim Eilsung” the German “Josef Stahlen”, and
the…..okay we've fucked the hell out of that lame-o gag.
Editor’s retroactive notes:
Editor’s retroactive notes:
Public Service Announcement: “We’ve fucked the hell out
of that lame-o gag” translates to “We’ve run this bit into the ground”
Thankfully, both Sanou and Traore found their way onto the
pitch, in Traore’s case just in time to be the hero. Former Hamburger SV magic
man Jonathan Pitroipa gave us all a taste of why Rennes was willing to pay him
those five million Euros. The way he tore down the right and shook off everyone
to set up Traore for the 95th minute equalizer was breathtaking.
Pitroipa is far from finished. We’ll hear from him along
with other big names Kone, Kabore, and Bance. I reiterate that this has
consistently been a strong team that merely needed to catch the right break.
Looks as if they just might have got it.
Editor’s retroactive notes:
Editor’s retroactive notes:
At least we called this one right. Pitroipa went on to
score two crucial goals, as we’ll cover soon enough.
6) Ethiopia
Dear Lord! I can scarcely believe I’m writing this! Surprise everyone! The Ethiopians game to give us a show after all. The improbable draw with the Copper Bullets is great news for Africa fans, football fans, and the thousands of Ethiopians who made the long schlep down to the tip of the continent to watch their team compete in the African Cup of Nations for the first time in over three decades. They did not travel in vain!
How about that magnificent tally? It all began when Addis
Hintsa threaded in that superior penetrating pass. How he managed to pierce the
eye of the needle so perfectly with a first-time hit is beyond me. Said showed
excellent awareness to take two touches and pick out the streaking Girma.
That’s what football is all about, gentlemen. Boot-to-boot-to-boot. Three
players intuitively sensing each other’s intentions and combining for a work of
art worthy of any museum’s special collection.
The road only gets more arduous now for the Underdog
Antelopes. It’s highly doubtful I’ll be composing such a glowing review come
next round. Instead, please allow this (for once) elated East Africa Football
Booster to bask in the glory and re-post some of his dearest hopes from his preview:
From the Introductory Section:
“Against
all the odds…and East African team made it to the finals. Hallelujah. To
illustrate what an ENORMOUS deal this is, it’s not been done since Kenya
qualified in 2004. Okay, okay. Technically one could count Mozambique in 2010,
but it’s a bit far south for my taste. Can you feel the excitement? East Africa
in the house! Drink in the moment..”
….
On
might be tempted to buy into this team when taking this extremely talented trio
of strikers into account. Moreover, a tactically strong head and a squad
ninety-percent composed of players from Ethiopia’s Top Three domestic could
ostensibly lead one to conclude that something special is brewing here. Hell,
I’ve very nearly talked myself into them. Perhaps this tight-knit group of
individuals, thoroughly inured to the intuitive nuance of each other’s game can
absolutely deliver the long-awaited “East African Miracle”. Maybe this happens
to be the year. East Africa will shock everyone! ALL THE WAY, BABY!
On
second thought……….nyaaaah.
7) Ghana
Not the debut the Black Stars might have hoped for, especially given the tremendous roll they've been on as a unit. Early tactical breakdowns along with Asamoah Gyan’s early almost inexcusable failure to convert has us all wondering if Appiah’s boys could really make the conservative 4-3-2-1 work.
The former FC Köln flop Derek Boateng showed that he could certainly telegraph a pass ahead to Gyan with surgical precision, but that shockingly poor finish reminded us all why Sunderland no longer wished to retain him.
To make matters worse, LuaLua essentially had his way with
Kwadwo Asamoah and Akaminko all throughout the opening 45. It didn’t even feel
as if Paintsil and Boye were in the match at all. Credit Kwadwo Asamoah with a
brilliant demonstration of his offensive prowess. The cheeky little give-and-go
he orchestrated with Agyemang Badu was the play of the tournament thus far. He
even found time to show us how he can’t be matched aerially with that
subsequent goal.
Regardless, Kwesi-Appiah has some serious work to do
before Thursday’s fixture against the unstoppable Eagles of Mali. For starters,
he cannot risk starting K. Asamoah at left back again. The versatile midfielder
makes for an intriguing fullback, but he has to be more involved. How to
correct these complete tactical defensive breakdowns that allowed the Congolese
to come back from two goals down and snatch a badly needed three points away?
Beats me, but Akaminko had a disastrous game even before the foolish takedown that
led to the penalty. Once again, Paintsil and Boye looked to be totally out of
sync.
The befuddled trainer may want to tell Jonathan Mensah or
Isaac Vorsah to lace up their boots. He certainly needs to move K. Asamoah
further upfield and figure out some way of getting Asamoah Gyan some support.
Expect a radically redrawn lineup and a new formation. Should the Black Stars
be unable to salvage a point of Thursday, their chances of attaining the
quarterfinals will lay in SERIOUS jeopardy. Not good times, Gold Coast lovers.
Your team may have very well dropped two points that prove to be crucial.
Not time to press the panic button just yet, but standby.
Editor’s retroactive notes:
Editor’s retroactive notes:
The advice may have been heeded, but it honestly failed
to effectuate anything concretely positive.
8) Togo
It will get better. Adebayor’s moment of brilliance was brilliantly stifled by a suddenly possessed Boubacar Barry. Didier Six will have words with Serge Gapke about taking dumb opportunities at the expense of his mates.
Vincent Bossou will take heart from his effective performance against Drogba. Nimbombe will eventually comprehend that his disallowed goal doesn’t mean he can’t bring it next time around. Relax, Sparrow Hawk fans. It WILL GET BETTER. Bookies honor.
9) MoroccoWith everyone closely monitoring the form of Montpelier midfield man Younes Belhanda, it’s difficult to envision where the Atlas Lions are headed. Should there remain any doubt how wildly important the flexible, forward-minded livewire is to this team; let it be forever silenced by his sparkling sweep past Lunguinha, Massunguna, and Pirilito.
The 22-year-old can juke and jive with the best of them. We’ve not heard the last of him in this tournament. Mark my words.
Belhanda isn’t the only Atlas Lion who has already
demonstrated sublime dribbling skills. Fiorentina’s Mounir El Hamdaoui also
punched through on three separate occasions before bowing out in the 71st.
All in all, stellar debuts from all the big names. El Ahmadi, Amrabat, and
Barrada all looked dangerous at times. Liverpool’s Assaidi didn’t miss a beat.
For the moment Group A remains ripe for the taking by any
of the four one-point nations. Based on general form, however, the Marrakech
Men have to be considered the favorites.
10) Zambia
Don’t Panic, Copper Bullets enthusiasts. You still have plenty of time to shake off that draw against the overachieving Ethiopian Antelopes. Still, one might have expected a better performance against a ten-man squad with a cold backup keeper. The defending champs produced a highly meek debut in a match more marked by sloppy tackling, dirty play, and a whole plethora of bookings. Were it not for the crossbar, Saladin Said might have set in motion a highly improbable upset.
Still there were plenty of positives. Keeper Kennedy
Mweene will be riding high after his strong spot-kick save. The Vice Captain
deserves to beat his chest and will surely supply some of the intangible
leadership this side requires moving forward. Mbesuma and Chansa are up and
running after they combined for that awesome flick-on and clinical finish.
Mbesuma actually got plenty of looks at goal. It’s impossible to emphasize how important it is to get the strikers involved early in tournament football. Warm em’ up. Make sure the traverse the adversity early on. That leads us to the play of Captain Christopher Katongo. He’s not exactly off to the most cracking start, but I liked what I saw. He’ll be sharper next match. The two Mulengas also had an opportunity to get warm. They’ll be firing on all cylinders before long.
Mbesuma actually got plenty of looks at goal. It’s impossible to emphasize how important it is to get the strikers involved early in tournament football. Warm em’ up. Make sure the traverse the adversity early on. That leads us to the play of Captain Christopher Katongo. He’s not exactly off to the most cracking start, but I liked what I saw. He’ll be sharper next match. The two Mulengas also had an opportunity to get warm. They’ll be firing on all cylinders before long.
The only matter of legitimate worry for the Copper Bullets
as they prepare to face the hexed Super Eagles concerns the bookings accrued in
the opening match. Sunzu, Musonda, Lungu, and Mbesuma are all on yellows. Herve
Renard would be wise to start Chamanga, at least for the opening half. This
leaves the bullets vulnerable in a match that they most assuredly need to win.
Should any of the other players find themselves suspended on double yellows for
the third Group Stage Match, watch out. The Champions could suddenly face early
elimination.
Tentative optimism is warranted. Cautious and disciplined
play is needed. Barring something grievously stupid, the team should still
advance.
Editor’s retroactive notes:
Editor’s retroactive notes:
All of the above-mentioned players avoided suspension.
Chamanga never set foot on the pitch.
11) Angola
They live! We’re walking with dinosaurs. The 29-year-old striking duo of Manucho and Mateus took their sweet ass time getting into gear, but ultimately proved that they may still position themselves for some quality on-target attempts. No clue what Dede’s up to in the Cypriot league, but evidently his ability hasn’t evaporated. Even Gilberto manifested his ageless potential as a true “Super Sub”.
Of course, it’s the youngsters and the greenhorns that
must produce in order to engender optimism. One must give credit to Mingo Bile
for his scorching early effort. Percolator and Geraldo won most of their
midfield battles. They’ll be the ones forced to step it up if this team wishes
to go anywhere. As laudable as Manuncho and Matheus were, the Black Antelopes
would have won the opening fixture, had Manucho not arrived one step too late
to meet Mateus’s gorgeous cross late in the match.
One has the impression that a younger and more reliable Manuncho could have glanced it right in effortlessly.
One has the impression that a younger and more reliable Manuncho could have glanced it right in effortlessly.
With two matches yet to play, The Sables will not be
gifted too many more opportunities. Fail to convert against the hosts and this
team is likely toast.
Editor’s
retroactive notes:
Little news to report on Manuncho. It’s unlikely this
bookie will address his once promising career again.
12) Cape Verde
Plenty of positives for the Blue Sharks to build upon. Even though the astonishingly poor finishing of Platini, Nhuck, and Ryan Medes cost them what could prove to be a crucial two points, the Creoles find themselves very much in the hunt for the Quarterfinals. Had Platini not screwed his early effort wide of the uncovered net, Lucio Atunes and the Island Boys would unquestionably be situated at the top of the group.
No sense in dwelling on that, however. Certainly not when
halfbacks Nando and Fernando Varela turned in an especially noteworthy
performance at the back. The central backfield duo closed down practically
every Bafana attack with frighteningly precise tackling, perfectly positioned
headers away, and a clearly disciplined out-chocking of all crosses. That’s why
their respective French and Romanian clubs pay them the big bucks.
Overall, the Sharks appear to have put in their time on
the training pitch. This seems most evident when observing their set piece
formations. Babanco was the only player to break ranks and have an intrepid go,
a chance one can hardly blame him for taking. His long-range prowess will only
improve, as will Toni Varela’s touch and Nhuck’s (Heldon Ramos’s) finishing.
Semi-nervous times for your bookie as one brae syndicate
member took Cape Verde at 11-1 to win it all. That won’t happen, but their odds
of progressing out of the group have now dropped from 2-1 to straight up.
Someone should have taken that bet. What can I say? You all know what happens
when you snooze.
13) South Africa
An outright terrible debut for Bafana, Bafana. The listless draw against Cape Verde in soggy Soccer City featured enough cringe-inducing omens to leave all of us beaten down apologists fearing for the worst. Seriously, Gordon! Starting Majoro in place of Mphela up front?
Are you actually TRYING to create a rift in this team? Tshbalala’s inability to establish any sort of convincing rhythm also does not bode well. Siphwe repeatedly failed to dictate the tone on the left half of the midfield. More troublingly, his touch and cross accuracy appear woefully off.
As tempting as it may be to chalk this out-of-the-gate
belly flop to nerves, one cannot ignore how languid this team looks in central
midfield. Virtually all of the half-hearted scoring chances came from hopeful
upfield balls desperately flung far up the flanks. It’s doubtful we’ll see
Dikgacoi start again. Igesund may prove wise to sit Lesothoyanye as well.
Look for Ajax prodigy Thunlani Serero to get the nod…and remain hopeful that Tschablalala, Phala, and Parker can somehow regain their edge.
Editor’s retroactive notes:
Look for Ajax prodigy Thunlani Serero to get the nod…and remain hopeful that Tschablalala, Phala, and Parker can somehow regain their edge.
Editor’s retroactive notes:
Serero remained on the bench. Igesund did wisely
replace Dikgacoi and Lesothoyanye to much avail.
14) Nigeria
Aaack. Not again. How cursed can one country be? Dammit, dammit, dammit! I remained exceedingly cautious in writing the overview.
From the Introductory Section:
“Ehhhhh…I
just don’t know. All thirds of the pitch appear to be in working order…but this
country is cursed. Bob knows who the hell put the hex on this team, probably
the obligatory witch from every Nigerian Soap-Opera ever made.”
….
Ehhhh..I
simply have to see how they play against the Burkinabés. Knowing precisely what
I’m looking for, I should be ready to either ‘buy’ or ‘sell’ this team.
Shit! If only I had the courage to implement that
skepticism when setting the line:
From CAN 2013—Round One:
“At this juncture, my thoughts on the Super Eagles tend
towards the supernaturally morbid. They’re hexed, cursed, doomed if you will.
This spell will only truly manifest itself in due time. For now, expect a
stellar debut.
THE
LINE: Nigeria +2 Goals”
Grrrr. Why don’t you listen to yourself, Vicey? Your
intuition counts for a great deal….well…when your sober anyway. Ugh. Even a
Congenital Cassandra such as myself couldn’t have anticipated that that they
would fuck up this thoroughly. You just knew it wasn’t their day when Ideye
Brown made a hash out of that sweet Ahmed Musa cross. After the restart it was
Uche’s turn to screw up another gorgeous offering from Musa. In total I counted
five scoring opportunities that ABSOLUTELY should have been converted,
including Uche’s mangling of John Obi-Mikel’s set-up in the 81st.
True, that little Mikel-Brown-Emenike one-touch
triangulation was a very pretty goal, but otherwise it was one poor finish
after another in a game that the dominant Super Eagles surely should have won
big. Ugh. Keshi’s boys have every write to feel hard done boy after the last
minute theatrics, but they better not wallow in their misfortune for more than
a brief moment.
Trainer Stephen Keshi has every reason to be proud of the
play of John Obi Mikel, Emmanuel Emmenike, and Ahmed Musa, but Uche, Igiebor,
and Brown have to go. Ditto applies to this goofy 4-3-2-1 that has Musa all
alone up front searching for cutbacks. Start Mikel and Victor Moses up front
together! Come to think of it, where the hell was Victor Moses? Ugh. C’mon,
Keshi. You’ve got enough talent to bounce back strong!
So, will the Super Eagles actually be able to overcome their
demoralizing and deflating last-second draw with the Burkinabés? This bookie
can only say one thing:
Ehhhhhhhhhh..
Editor’s retroactive notes:
Editor’s retroactive notes:
This particular spot of analysis illustrates how
thoroughly perplexing I found Keshi’s formation at the time. I honestly
couldn’t decide if it was a 4-3-2-1, a 4-2-2-1-1, or a 4-3-1-2. Part of Keshi’s
brilliance is that he keeps amateurs like myself fumbling around like a drunk
looking for a light switch. Of course he also has an exceptionally talented team.
; )
15) Algeria
Time to reprint some words from just a few paragraphs earlier:
Well….the Maghreb Derby proceeded more or less as I had
envisioned it, save for the fact that the wrong team scored the late goal. The
whole sordid affair was nothing more than a colorless war of attrition.
In Algeria’s case, I saw almost nothing worthy of
commentating on. All one can now say is that their chances of advancing are
significantly reduced.
Welcome to the FIFTH installment of “Your friendly bookie
doesn’t much care to expend too much energy on North Africa”.
16) Niger
Did I or did I not warn you?
From the Introductory Section:
They
return with a team that boasts….well…nothing much really. Midfielder Oliver
Bonnes plays for Brussels, but has yet to score a goal. Adding insult to
injury, it’s FC Brussels. Who cares? It’s not as if we’re talking Club Brugge
or Anderlecht. Then there’s Issoufou Boubcar Garbar, who plays over in Phuket.
And don’t forget Ouwo……okay, look. I’ll level with you. This is a BAD team.
They’re not going anywhere. They’ll finish last. Satisfied?
Yeah. Practically no time in possession during the Mali
Match. Amateurish mistakes from keeper Kassally Daoduda, defender Mohammed
Bacar, and Mohammed Chikoto, lame long-range floaters that didn’t so much as
test the green Malian keeper, and a porous defense that your grandfather could
have exploited all evening long.
Er…have I mentioned that this team is coached by former
Bordeaux manager Gernot Rohr? The German is today barely remembered for failing
spectacularly with Nice and the Basel Young Boys. With apologies to fans of 3rd
Bundesliga Club Kickers Offenbach (if there are indeed there are any left), but
this guy will be back to obscurity within a week. Sorry to go “messin’ with
Hessen”, but I’m obligated to point out that it will only get worse for the
Menas of Niger.
Editor’s retroactive notes:
Editor’s retroactive notes:
I hearby trademark “messin with Hessen”. I own that.
THAT’S MINE!
Wednesday
South Africa vs. Angola
vs. 
Do or die time for our poor, forlorn hosts. Steven Pienaar, where art thou? It’s not looking good for Segelund and the squad. Thulani Serero will finally get his well-deserved chance, likely too late to make much of a difference. On the opposite end of the pitch, Manucho and Mateus struggle mightily to locate some semblance of touch.
I’m through singing, “Bring Me my Machine Gun”. Likewise,
I’m afraid Gustavo Ferrin won’t send in the cavalry just yet; not with this
group as wide open as it is.
You have my permission to sleep in, syndicate members. Two
4-4-2 formations cancel one another out and we get the sixth draw of the
tournament.
THE
LINE: Pick em’
Editor’s
retroactive notes:
RESULT: South Africa 2, Angola 0. Bafana couldn’t have
picked a better time to finally get rolling, though they undeniably benefited
from more than their fair share of luck. One syndicate member was astute enough
to notice that infamous Malian referee Koman Coulibaly served as the first official in this
match (the controversial official who disallowed a Maurice Edu go-ahead goal
over a phantom foul). We immediately proceeded to re-litigate the “Great 2010
Racism Debate”.
The atrocious call that forced the U.S. to settle for a
2-2 draw against Slovenia (thankfully) didn’t end up altering the final outcome
of the tournament in any way. Nevertheless, in the immediate aftermath, this
bookie felt compelled to get somewhat patriarchal with his rather rowdy
constituents, some of who resorted to slurs and ignorantly suggested that there
might exist some anti-American consistency in football. Would I do it all over
again?
Likely not, though I at least felt justified in pointing out that deplorable officiating exists all throughout football. Dwelling on it remains pointless. The best attitude one can hope to take is that 90 minutes should be enough time for 22 players on the pitch to struggles against any inherent unfairness. And that’s the final word on that….for now.
Likely not, though I at least felt justified in pointing out that deplorable officiating exists all throughout football. Dwelling on it remains pointless. The best attitude one can hope to take is that 90 minutes should be enough time for 22 players on the pitch to struggles against any inherent unfairness. And that’s the final word on that….for now.
Back to this eminently enjoyable match. Mateus and
Manucho stepped up their game very serviceable. Mateus fired a warning shot
four minutes in that demonstrated both poise and ambition. Manucho delivered
two quality headers on both sides of the break that might have found the back
of the net had Khune not stood so strong on that particular day. Apart from that,
snapped a cheeky little first time off a Mateus centering pass in the 52nd
provoked great reactions from the South African keeper, especially considering
he looked to be partially screened.
The first-time hit that would actually break the
deadlock, however, came courtesy of Siyabonga Sangweni at the half-hour mark.
The centerback made an improvising run forward after a free kick on the right
flank. This left him perfectly positioned to stroke in a blindly hit switch
that Angolan defender Lunguinha accidentally headed in the wrong direction.
As mentioned above, the under-fire Igesund yielded to the
“hot seat” editorials in the South African Press and replaced over half of his
starting eleven. His concerted effort to preserve the confidence of his star
power players also paid dividends. Igesund introduced Lesothoyanye as a
halftime substitution and deployed Majoro again already in the 58th.
It took all of four minutes for the latter first-stringer to double the advantage with a frankly sensational dance around Angolan defender Bastos. After out-dekeing the defender in the filthiest of fashions, he then solicited more richly deserved “oohs and aahs” as he somehow managed to keep the ball from going out into touch off the byline and then cut back smoothly to fire right between the keeper’s legs.
It took all of four minutes for the latter first-stringer to double the advantage with a frankly sensational dance around Angolan defender Bastos. After out-dekeing the defender in the filthiest of fashions, he then solicited more richly deserved “oohs and aahs” as he somehow managed to keep the ball from going out into touch off the byline and then cut back smoothly to fire right between the keeper’s legs.
The Sable Antelopes again threw a few useful crosses in
towards Manucho down the stretch, but nothing was to come of it on the day that
South African fans were finally able to cheer a promising victory.
Cape Verde vs. Morocco
vs. 
One simply cannot ignore Assaidi’s inspired play in the opening match. Though he may not have gotten his name on the score sheet, the Liverpool FC Winger has something special in store for us. He’ll have difficulty furnishing it against a pumped up group of Islanders that include “Iron Dome” halfbacks Nando and Fernando Varela. Expect a seesawing one-goal stalemate, with Mendes and El Hamdaoui trading tallies, until El Ahmadi finally breaks through for a late winner.
THE
LINE: Morocco +1 goal
Editor’s
retroactive notes:
RESULT: Morocco 1, Cape Verde 1. Though Blue Shark fans
were sparse among the 20,000 we turned up to watch this fixture in Durban, the
few rabid fans scrounged together enough money nearly watched islet pull off
something truly spectacular.
From the outset it was clear head coach Lucio Antunes had
been working his team hard on the training pitch. Unable to compensate for a
lack of firepower, Antunes spent most of the interim period grooming his side
for highly choreographed set piece play. Julio Tavaraes bent a beauty around
the wall for a fifth minute warning shot. Tavares would again force Moroccan
keeper/captain Lamyarghi into a sprawling save later in the half. Ryan Mendes,
Platini, and Babanco also converted spot-positioning into shots on net. We
heard nothing from the Lions of the Atlas during the first half. They
essentially spent the entire opening 45 back on their heels fending off a
tenacious Cape Verde back four that booted every ball they brought close to
their own attacking third.
Set pieces were but one way Antutnes evidently urged his
starters to overcome any talent deficit. Immaculate timing also generated some
chances and the initial goal in the 35th. Ryan Medes and Platini sprung the
offside trap with a perfectly timed run that left Platini with only the keeper
to beat. Platini then deliberately slowed his pace, patiently waiting for
Lamyarghi to rush out before elevating it over him for a well-earned lead.
The Moroccans leveled against the run of play in the 78th
when defensive midfielder Abdelaziz Barrada tired his luck with an enterprising
run forward, then cut back a perfect pass for substitute Youssef El-Arabi to
lace home. The well-coordinated offensive served as very much an exception over
the course of 90 minutes during which the Moroccans failed to get anything
memorable going. For the remaining 15 minutes or so of time both squads made
legitimate pushes for winner with a flurry of chances. As entertaining as the
final minutes might have been, another goal wasn’t forthcoming.
Thursday
Ghana vs. Mali
vs. 
Strap on in Syndicate members. While the “Hump-Day” offerings may understandably leave you slamming the snooze button, don't miss this gem. According to Nate Silver, Wednesday is statistically the most libidinous day of the week. More couples report having either a Wednesday morning romp, a Wednesday afternoon delight, a Wednesday late afternoon/early evening delight, or a Wednesday night pump party than any of those obscenely graphic insinuations on any of the other six Augustinian weekly calendar days.
To put this another way: Syndicate members, you have my full permission to “Strap on” on Wednesday, but “strap in” for Thursday.
The underachieving Black Stars cannot afford but to go all
in against the resurgent Eagles in this pivotal fixture that will fundamentally
alter the fate of the group. Should James Kwesi Appiah heed my incontrovertibly
brilliant notions for lineup selection, there’s no reason why the Black Stars
shouldn’t emerge victorious. On the other hand, Patrice Carteron might just
also be shrewd enough to listen to the musings of an underrated bookie and give
Modibo Maiga an unexpected turn at central forward.
Can’t touch this one, brothers. Sorry. I’ll have to be
content watching what promises to be the fixture of the tournament thus far,
raking money in from both sides while I root for a draw.
THE
LINE: Pick em’
Editor’s retroactive notes:
RESULT: Ghana 1, Mali 0. One should exercise more caution
when hyping up a match between two strong squads, particularly when a team with
a prominent 4-3-2-1 (that more closely resembles a 4-1-2-2-1) finds itself
pitted against a team that is struggling up the flanks. Yawn. Perhaps all the
participants were a bit too “humped out” to inject enough energy into this one. Or perhaps both sides gave in to their more tentative instincts after a 38th
minute penalty. Irrespective of any mindboggingly boring explanations I might
be able to conjure up, this one plainly sucked. Oops bookie.
Near the end of a first-half devoid of quality chances,
Ivorian referee Noumandiez Doue awarded the Black Stars a dubious penalty in
the 35th. Asamoah Gyan slotted a precision pass for Agyemang-Badu
into the right side of the 18. Badly beaten, Malian defender Adama Tamboura
then left his feet for what appeared to the naked eye to be clumsy and
dangerous slide tackle from behind. From a sky view no one could fault the
referee for pointing to the spot.
Then came the replay. Tamboura only toed the ball and the official, standing a mere eight yards or so from the development, should have ruled it fair.
Then came the replay. Tamboura only toed the ball and the official, standing a mere eight yards or so from the development, should have ruled it fair.
Wakaso Mubark converted the ensuing spot kick, then
dumbly got himself suspended for the next match with an excessive
Balotelli-like wardrobe celebration. I recall little concerning the duration of
the match other than a surfeit of whistles that slowed the pace down to a
crawl.
Two paltry non-fixture-related topics of interest emerged
from the whole sordid affair. First, how in the hell could Mubarak have been so
thick-headed in raising his shirt to reveal an “Allah is Great” when he most
have known that he was one yellow away from being suspended? Second, Asamoah
Gyan declined the privilege of taking the penalty after having promised his
late mother that he wouldn’t kick from the spot again in international
competition.
Gyan, some may recall, missed the crucial penalty after Luis Suarez’s handball that would have sent the Black Stars into the semi-finals in the 2010 World Cup. The uncharacteristic and unexplainable miss broke the heart of an entire continent and one elderly matron. What’s worse, he blew it again with an inexplicable miss in the CAN 2012 Semi-finals that directly eliminated his country. Gyan vowed never to put his mother through such an ordeal ever again. Even though she had passed on by the time the CAN 2013 rolled around, he stolidly kept his word.
Gyan, some may recall, missed the crucial penalty after Luis Suarez’s handball that would have sent the Black Stars into the semi-finals in the 2010 World Cup. The uncharacteristic and unexplainable miss broke the heart of an entire continent and one elderly matron. What’s worse, he blew it again with an inexplicable miss in the CAN 2012 Semi-finals that directly eliminated his country. Gyan vowed never to put his mother through such an ordeal ever again. Even though she had passed on by the time the CAN 2013 rolled around, he stolidly kept his word.
Congo DR vs. Niger
vs. 
vs.
After raking in those early morning winnings, it will be
time to celebrate…..by spending another day at the office. Probably for the
best that I’ll miss this massacre. The final showdown for placement out of
Group B will be an epic round not to be missed. Until we can get there,
however, the Leopards will have to dispose of the Group’s sore thumb.
Aufwiedersehen, Herr Gernot.
THE
LINE: Congo DR +2 Goals
Editor’s retroactive notes:
Editor’s retroactive notes:
RESULT: Congo DR 0, Niger 0. Didn’t miss much here
either. A few noteworthy sprawl-saves proved highlight-reel-worthy in a match
dominated by broken plays. Over 12,000 frenzied Leopard-enthusiasts crossed the
border to pump up their team, but it was the Menas who first looked menacing
when Modibo Sidebe drove a close-range missile off the far post in the 4th
minute.
Friday
The Congolese responded some nine minutes later when
Tresor Mputu chested down a Mulato Kabangu switch and rifled a sharp effort off
the volley. Daouda made the palm-turn save look easy. The Leopards wouldn’t test him again for most of the half.
When Mputu returned the favor with a nice setup for Dieumerci Mbokani in the 42nd,
Daouda again stood tall with a full stretch fingertip save from point-blank
range.
Congolese keeper Muteba Kidiaba pulled off an equally
impressive save on Maazou, possibly the only player who consistently came up
with nifty ideas, ten minutes after the restart. Following that the two
evenly-matched nations traded a few well-wide efforts until the referee
mercifully blew the whistle.
Friday
Zambia vs. Nigeria
vs. 
I’m through with this perpetual louse of a country….at least when it comes to football. They’ve done nothing but give my poor heart agita. Damn you, Super Eagles. You’ve messed with my overtly sensitive emotional desire to handicap based on things like “rational thought” for THE LAST TIME! I’m through with extolling the virtues of your talented team.
I’m done! No more! The defending champs shall vindicate my vague sense of your doomed horoscope. Go away! Leave me in peace. I’ll miss you. I wanted you to succeed more than Goodluck’s wife wanted her latest set of pearl earrings that never materialized. Be gone you heartbreaking bastards. Pick up the pieces of your shattered dreams. Don’t forget to sweep up the fragments of my misplaced hopes and the shards that symbolize my gambling losses. BE GONE!
THE
LINE: Zambia +1 Goal
Editor’s retroactive notes:
RESULT: Zambia 1, Nigeria 1. National Elevens have a way
of knowing when the armchair commentators have given up on them and responding
in kind. Likewise, Syndicate Members are often quick to pounce on a team that
falls out of favor with their bookie. Interesting phenomenon. The “Super
Eagles” weren’t quite up to the task of silencing this critic, but the money
they did end up costing an already beleaguered bookmaker a not insignificant
chunk of change. This one was over for me long before Kennedy Mweenie’s late
equalizer.
Matters might have been settled even earlier had
“Chelski” John Obi Mikel not botched a 25th minute penalty. Davis
Nkausu could hardly have any cause for complaint when he put forward a very
late challenge on Ahmed Musa just inside the right corner of the 18. Mikel, at
that point in the middle of a comparatively shaky season at Stamford Bridge,
showed no confidence in taking the spot kick. He right-footed a
leftward-plodding low shot that wouldn’t have troubled the keeper even had it
not gone wide.
Musa and Moses attempted to exploit the slack of Renards
uninspiring choice of Lungu and Kalaba to work the flanks and appeared to
gradually come into sync with Emmanuel Emmenike, this time deployed as a lone
striker in a modified 4-3-2-1. Kalaba himself remained regularly
offensive-minded. He factored in to some promising lateral play for the Copper
Bullets, at the expense of allowing Moses to draw a fair amount of possession
the left side. This, in turn, freed up Musa who peeled off a nice shot shortly
after the restart and nearly connected square with Emmenike shortly thereafter.
The goal would eventually spring from Keshi’s crowded
midfield. Mikel all but redeemed his earlier miss in the 57th by
picking Chansa’s pocket with a profound pice of tackling. Approximately 40
yards out he retained his wits with a shrewd survey of his options. Musa and
Igiebor were rushing forward on the right hand side, but Emmenike was breaking
the last line of defense at precisely the right moment. Mikel thus deftly
shuffled to Emmenike, who took two expert touches before slamming home a beauty
that the swamped defense had no chance of dealing with.
Kalaba fought hard for an equalizer. Now out-deuling
Moses on the left flank, he broke forward well and very nearly turned in a chip
shot in the 70th. Keshi neutralized the amped up performance by
substituting Moses in the 79th and shifting Ogude to the left. Keshi
was clearly pushing for more goals up until the end, sending in Brown and Uche
in the final ten minutes.
As intrepid as this was, Keshi’s re-position of Ogude
proved too much for midfield to handle. Aby all means, Ogude should have been
marking Mayuka. Instead, in a moment of sloppiness during the 85th
Igiebor was whistled down for rough defending on Emmanuel Mayuka. As the two
jostled for position in preparation for a sky-borne ball, Igebor (his back
turned) subtly elbowed Mayuka. The ref didn’t appreciate this sly stab at
chicanery and awarded a penalty that, as cruel as it might have been, was still
(strictly-speaking) fair.
With Katongo, Chansa, and Lungu all substituted out, the
exhausted Mayuka and Kalamba signaled they wanted no part in the kick. Collins
Mbesuma also declined for unknown reasons. Thus, goalkeeper Kennedy Mweenie ran
the length of the pitch and nervously approached the spot. The deep breaths he
took prior to striding forward left practically everyone predicting a miss. He
surprised us all with a powerful clip into the right corner after Enyeama
guessed wrong.
The meeting left one all but certain that the Copper
Bullets had no chance of defending their title. The Super Eagles looked to be
on the march, but it was too soon to predict what was to come next.
Burkina Faso vs. Ethiopia
vs. 
So very proud of both these countries. If only they could both advance. Unfortunately, the Antelopes will have to do without their first-string keeper Jemal Tassew, out on a red card after blatantly hauling down defender Chisamba Lungu in a manner no one wishes to see again. Backup Zerihun Tadele did as serviceable job as one can expect from any 19-year-old, but this euphoric East African ride must come to a terminus at one point or another.
Methinks the terminus comes right about now with the first
blowout of the tournament.
Traore, Bance, and Bagano.
Traore, Bance, and Bagano.
THE
LINE: Burkina Faso +2 Goals
Editor’s retroactive notes:
RESULT: Burkina Faso 4, Ethiopia 0. A blowout commenced
and Traore grabbed a brace. Bance and Dagano played above average, nearly
fulfilling your bookie’s prophesy perfectly. In spite of he final scoreline, the
match was decidedly less one-sided than one might be left to conclude. Saladin
Said left three Stallion defenders scrambling when he displayed great awareness
to back heel a fourth minute ball to a streaking Shimeles Bekele. The then
Libyan based midfielder easily slid the ball past a lunging Abdoulaye Soulama
only to see his fine effort fail to beat the far post. Extremely unlucky.
It would herald the advent of a supremely fucked up day
for the Burkinabe keeper, who would watch his team triumph comfortably despite
playing possibly the worst match of his career. Wilfried Sanou (himself rather
unlucky to see a goal disallowed in the 22nd) sent a cuspate
cut-back pass to Charles Kabore didn’t hesitate for a split second. Immediately
recognizing that Traore was clear on the left side of the area, he sent a lob
sailing over four Ethiopian defenders. Traore controlled via a seemingly
superhuman first-touch before smacking home an emphatic effort for a 34th
minute opener.
After the lead was established, however, we beheld relatively
little from the favored Stallions. The main talking point as the first half
drew to a close was how in the hell keeper Soulama could have been so careless
as to attempt dribble past the challenging Birhanu Bogale a mere five feet from
his own net. Although the flailing keeper did recover the near howler, the
occurrence obviously rattled him.
He looked to be completely unaware of his positioning and
was sent off at the hour mark for flagrantly handling the ball outside of the
18. Has facial mien said it all: “Helluva day I’m having”. Reduced to ten men,
the outnumbered Burkinabes inexplicably proceeded to run roughshod over the
opposition. Thirteen minutes after the straight red, backup keeper Daode
Diakite set in motion a marvelous string of four gorgeous passes that
culminated in a Traore rocket from 35 yards out.
Diakite launched a thunderstruck a booming goal kick that
was aptly headed forward by Kabore directly onto Alain Traore’s boot. A. Traore
side-footed it first time to Pitriopa who ran forward with it, drawing two
defenders with him in the process. Pitroipa then made an abrupt turn to gift it
back to the wide-open Traore who let fly with a searing laser that bulged the
back of the net. Pitroipa set up Bakary Kone five minutes later for a sliding
finish and a 3-0 advantage.
As if all of this sorcery wasn’t enough, the former FC Freiburg and Hamburger SV winger grabbed his own goal five minutes into prolonged injury time. Fresh-legged substitute Benjamin Balima capped a sparkling individual run down the right flank with an angled forward pass directly in front of Pitroipa, who then serenely tapped it past overwhelmed Ethiopian backup keeper Zerihun Tadele (another keeper who, by all accounts, had a very shitty day).
As if all of this sorcery wasn’t enough, the former FC Freiburg and Hamburger SV winger grabbed his own goal five minutes into prolonged injury time. Fresh-legged substitute Benjamin Balima capped a sparkling individual run down the right flank with an angled forward pass directly in front of Pitroipa, who then serenely tapped it past overwhelmed Ethiopian backup keeper Zerihun Tadele (another keeper who, by all accounts, had a very shitty day).
After the most convincing win of the tournament, this
bookie picked the Stallions to plow through all the way to the final. This they
would accomplish, albeit in less spectacular fashion.
Saturday
Cote D’Ivoire vs. Tunisia
vs. 
Savor the flavor, Eagles of Carthage. The favorites are coming…coming specifically for you. Every reason to expect that Kharzi and Ben Yahia will get their chance. Furthermore, Hammami, Kheifa, and Harbaoui will play better. The Tunisians are fully capable of rising above the Isaam Jemaa injury….just not yet.
I stand by my carefully calibrated assessment of the
favorites. They’re showing me everything that I need to see in order to pick
them to steamroll their way on through. Wake up time, Tunis. Your hollow
victory won’t save you from questionable quarterfinal prospects. Viva Les
Elephants.
THE
LINE: Cote d’Ivoire +1 Goal
Editor’s retroactive notes:
RESULT: Cote d’Ivoire 3, Tunisia 0. Not exactly the
cracker one might infer from the scoreline. The North Africans remained largely
competitive until Didier Ya Konan and Yaya Toure padded the lead with two rapid
succession strikes in the final three minutes of normal time. The big news of
course concerned the benching of the face of Ivorian football, Didier Drogba.
The aging talisman, then in the midst of a turbulent sojourn in the Chinese
league, hadn’t been playing competitively since the league ended in November.
His lack of fitness having been thoroughly exposed in the opening match against
Togo, Drogba gave way to Romaric.
Sabri Lamouchi opted for a fresh face at the back too,
replacing Man City central defender Kolo Toure with Trabzonspor half back Sol
Bamba. Drogba’s replacement, tall and lanky Lacina Traore proved instrumental
in Gervinho’s 21st minute opening goal. Overall, Gervinho’s
full-throttle form carried over to the second fixture, in which he garnered
easily over 100 touches throughout the full 90. He took advantage of a woeful
clearence in the 21st and fed L. Traore square.
The 6’8’’ colossus didn’t need to utilize his height on this occasion. He simply tapped it forward for Gervinho to complete a nifty little give-and-go. Gervinho then finished with a flourish, sending a boisterous effort in top shelf.
The 6’8’’ colossus didn’t need to utilize his height on this occasion. He simply tapped it forward for Gervinho to complete a nifty little give-and-go. Gervinho then finished with a flourish, sending a boisterous effort in top shelf.
Matters proceeded calmly for nearly an hour with the
Tunisians only able to provide us with some embarrassing whiffs from Saber
Khelifa and Youssef Mskani. Khelifa supplied the Eagles’ first recognized shot
on goal in the 70th. The 30-yard effort exhibited some pace, but
Boubacar Barry merely had to strafe and scoop. Drogba entered the match in the
67th, but it was the second substitute (Max Gradel) who delivered
the next legitimate chance with a shot that was easily six feet wide, but pure
raw power.
To absolutely no one’s surprise, Les Elephants doubled
their advantage when Yaya Toure finally found himself in space three minutes
from time. Man City’s miracle man did well to touch down a Gervinho flick and
immediately fire in from just inside the 18. Didier Ya Konan took advantage of
the deflated Eagles of Carthage by stomping in a light effort with the bottom
of his foot. Assisting once again was none other than Gervinho, who richly
deserved to be named man of the match.
Events at the Royal Bafokeng Stadium in Rustenberg were
overshadowed by news from far away Port Said, Egypt. Protests contesting the
death sentences of 21 individuals deemed responsible for the intial massacre
had claimed 24 more lives. That brought the cumulative total to 98, eclipsing
the Hillsborough Disaster of 1989. As we mark the 25th Anniversary
of Hillsborough, one laments the fact that people continue to lose their lives
doing something as innocent as watching football. Difficult to fathom. Nearly
impossible to swallow.
Algeria vs. Togo
vs. 
I’m afraid I can’t touch this one either. The Desert Foxes remain co-favorites alongside Cote d’Ivoire. They might have played nervy in the Maghreb Derby, but we’re still talking about a team with an underutilized El Arbi Soudani in the Kader. Islaam Slimani barely factored in today, but he’ll be heard before all is said and done. Bouazza and Lacen have yet to say their piece. Kadir and Fehghouli aren’t finished by damn sight.
I can only set a line in accordance with my heart. Adebayor
and the Sparrow Hawks should be able to hold the Green Slime to a draw. The
Football Gods demand it. High atop their perch on the marbled steps overlooking
us mere mortals, the Football Gods demand a draw.
THE
LINE: Pick em’
GENTLEMEN,
ENTER YOUR WAGERS
Editor’s retroactive notes:
Editor’s retroactive notes:
RESULT: Togo 2, Algeria 0. Should have had more faith in
Adebayor & Co. They absolutely had all the tools to dispose of a shaky
bunch of Desert Foxes. The ridiculously talented striker who has played for
virtually every top four club in the Premiership. Moustapha Salifou engineered
a handy little flick on in the 31st minute. Adebayor then patiently
allowed it to take two bounces before slotting it past the onrushing keeper.
The only other chance of the half worth mentioning came
from Dynamo Zagreb forward El Arbi Hillel Soudani. He screwed a header wide in
spite of what appeared to be a perfect glance. Having watched the replay yet
again, I still have no clue how that effort went wide. Football often defies
the laws of physics.
The ever-enterprising Algerians attempted a few wop-style
flops early in the second half, but the ref was having none of their inelegant
attempts at the “clever play”. A bizarre fifteen-minute delay interrupted the
match after Algerian Midfielder Adlene Guedioura fell into the net and
misaligned the goal posts. Thirteen minutes of added time rectified the freak
accident after the goalposts were successfully repositioned. The bulk stoppage
time only afforded substitute Dove Wome an opportunity to cap a thirty-yard run
with a deft five-hole finish that sealed the deal.
The powerful
Desert Foxes were thus eliminated earlier than anyone could have anticipated.
“Hell yes!!” exclaimed a certain bookie ; ) ; )
