Greetings forlorn compatriots,
Well, we’ve managed to fuck up right-and-proper once again America. We’ve taken another giant leap backwards…all the way back to 2006, when we failed to even reach the semi-finals. I’ve little to offer in the way of either explanations or condolences. An early exit like this isn’t as gut-wrenching as watching the Germans lose a football match to the Italians, but remains disconcerting that one cannot expect to root for the U.S. in an sport such as baseball.
I’ll have more thoughts on the topic in the finals section.
For now, read Jerry Crasnick…and weep:
It’s semifinals time. What’s that? You went and blinked on
me again? Ever fear. We’ll get you caught up. Unleash the synopses!
Pool 1 Quarterfinals—Tokyo Dome, Japan
With Easter on our mind we ventured to the stadium known as
“The Big Egg”, home of Japan’s famed Yoimuri Giants. The World Baseball Classic
Quarterfinals are played out over Three Rounds: “Preliminaries”, “Qualifiers”,
and “Seeding”. A concise breakdown of the basic structure follows. Group
Winners are seeded against Group Runner ups in the “Preliminaries”, just as
they are in any football tournament’s initial knockout stage, Unlike one’s
typical football tournament, however, the losers of the “Preliminary” matches
are then given another chance, seeded against the winners of the opening round
in the “Qualifier” Leg. The respective winners of the Second Round advance to
the Semi-finals, needing only to play one last match against one another in the
third and final “Seeding Round”.
The system itself would be considered brilliant, were it not
for the fact that all WBC Games are essentially played on neutral turf. In the
event that anyone remains only slightly confused (and hasn’t already elected to
give up), “seeding” in this context refers to which team shall be considered
the home team and which one the away. To baseball tyros, the former bats in the
bottom half of an inning while the latter bats in the top. Being classified as
the “home” team undeniably carries with it certain advantages, but nothing too
terribly essential. Ideally, one is SUPPOSED to wish to bat second, allowing
the manager more tactical leeway in tweaking his lineup. Precise knowledge of
how many runs he needs allows a manager to more effectively conserve his pinch
hitters/runners. Other advantages include not wearing out one’s bullpen and the
ability to orchestrate the “double switch”.
Of course, there shall be no “double switches” in the World
Baseball Classic as we’re using the Designated Hitter. Overall, we’re still
talking razor-thin tactical benefits. Quirky WBC Rules involving pitch counts,
substitution, and the consecutive use of relievers are designed, among other
reasons, to heighten the importance of home-seeding, yet we may conclude that
the system remains moot so long as this tournament is played in front of small
crowds in impartial venues. At present, the “seeding” system only seems to
afford losing teams a way back into the tournament. That in itself isn’t
damning, were in not for the fact that so many tangential nations continue to
upset the more traditional powerhouses. Hence, we apologists are congenitally
working overtime to explain why the U.S. isn’t in the semi-finals, yet the
Dutch are. Sigh. Here’s how it came to be.
Last Friday’s noonday matinee seeded Pool A Winners Cuba
against Pool B Runners-Up Holland. The ever-irritating “Kingdom of the
‘Nether-Reaches’” broke open the scoring in the top of the second when First
Baseman Curt Smith (of Curacao of course) took Ishmael Jimenez deep. The Dutch
doofi did well to manufacture another run before the completion of the frame.
Kalian Sams singled, Ricardo moved him into scoring position with a well laid
down bunt, and Andeltron Simmons brought him home with a clutch double.
Alfredo Despaigne answered immediately in a high-octane game
that featured four homers with a solo shot in bottom half of the second. It
proved all for naught as Jonathan Schoop broke it wide open with a monster
three-run dinger in the Top of the 6th. At that point, there was
little one could do except scramble for the remote and a bag of extra-salty
potato chips.
Better luck the doubleheader’s Night Cap. The Japs and
Taiwanese drove us deep into the twi-night in the Classic’s first extra-innings
contest. Samurai bats failed to awaken until the Top of the 8th.
Down 2-0, Shinnosuke Abe stepped up to the plate with runners at the corners
and nobody out. He slung in the first run with an efficacious bloop single. The
second came courtesy of a series of Fielder’s Choices. Heading into the Bottom
of the 8th, we had ourselves a tie ball game that could have broken
either way.
The Taiwanese quickly cracked reliever Masahiro Tanaka for
three straight hits and one run in the Bottom of the 8th. Gut check
time for the Japs. Under extraordinary pressure, Takashi Toritani drew a
one-out walk, then stole second to put himself in scoring position. Hirokazu
then brought him home with a sweet single to shallow center. We were all tied
up once more. Yamamoto again made all the right moves in the Top of the 10th,
manufacturing a run through effective base running. Matsuda crossed the plate
courtesy of a Sac Fly from Nakata. Suiguchi overcame a dogged Taiwanese side
that produced two hits in the bottom half for the expedient save.
One day after dropping the heartbreaker to the Japanese,
Chinese Taipei was shown the exit in a most demoralizing fashion. Jose Abreau,
Freddy Cepeda, Yasmany Tomas, AND Odi Despaigne all homered for a Cuban side
that slaughtered the Taiwanese with brute force. It might have been even worse
had mercy rules not halted the 14-0 rout after Seven Innings. Mercy Rules were
once again in effect the following day, when the Japanese bitch slapped the
Dutch 16-4 in another mangling limited to Seven Innings.
High hopes for a righteous outcome prevailed as the Dutch
and Cubans took the field on Monday evening. In a gripping match, the Dutch
twice opened up a two-run lead, only for the Cubans to battle back without
delay to keep matters tied. To square the parity circle, the Cubans themselves
took a two run lead in the Top of the 8th, only to have their
advantage completely wiped by a two-run Dutch response. Offensive highlights of
this enthralling and fascinating slugfest included Jose Abreu’s 421-foot
crusher to deep center, Youliski Gouriell’s extra-base gapper, and Andeltron
Simmons’s beauty of a pulled two-run shot.
Alas, amid all of the theatrics, the last laugh belonged to
the “Kingdom of the ‘Nether-Regions’”. The Cubans cycled through three
relievers in the Bottom of the Ninth to obfuscate some fine Dutch Keystone
Manufacturing. Regardless, Andeltron Jones came home on a one-out walk off Sac
Fly from Kalian Sams. Ball game. The Japs would easily take the largely
meaningless “Seeding Round Match” the next day. End of Pool.
Pool 2 Quaterfinals—Marlins Park, Miami
Christ do the newly re-christened “Miami Marlins” play in a
gorgeous ballpark. Leaving aside the sophisticated retractable roof, the serene
waterfall, the enormous Jumbotron, the perfectly manicured pitch, and the
spectacular view of the city-skyline…..well….perhaps I just about covered it
all. I’m going. That’s all there is to it. I’m fucking going. Man, I can’t wait
to take in a live ballgame in that park. Evidently, there aren’t any poor
sightlines in the house.
Matters commenced on Tuesday just as they did last Friday in
Tokyo, with a twi-night doubleheader. The upstart Italians faced the
favored-Dominicans in the matinee.
Chris Colabello pulverized a first-inning change-up for a 437-foot three
run homer to right center that helped put the Wops ahead of the Dominicans 4-0
before they even had a chance to bat. It took some time for the frazzled
Dominicans to recover and figure out surprise starter Tiago Da Silva.
Nevertheless, they began to find their footing in the Bottom of the Third, when
Jose Reyes unleashed his own solo-bomb to deep right center. Robinson Can took
him deep again in the bottom of the 6th and it was curtains for the
one player without American citizenship. Slowly, slowly the Dominicans chips
away and the monolith before finally dismantling the large Italian lead with a
three-run seventh. Thus the appetizer ended absent a sour taste.
The U.S. Squad furnished a fine main course with a
convincing 7-1 victory over the Puerto Ricans. Great news all-around. Gio
Gonzalez pitched five lovely innings of shutout ball. David Wright and Joe
Mauer came through with clutch RBIs. J-Roll went 2-for-5 while Ryan Braun hit
.500. U.S. batters amassed a total of 12 hits in a game they dominated
throughout. One couldn’t have envisioned a better start.
The Puerto Ricans came back to punch their way out of the
“loser’s bracket”. Three Italian relievers failed to quiet the crafty little
Puerto Ricans during a well-managed three run 8th inning. By
contrast, three Puerto Rican relievers successfully shut the Dagos down in the
Top of the 9th. Down went the Italians. Up went your bookie’s
fortunes.
The Dominicans and Americans remained tied at one run a
piece all throughout a closely contested Pitchers Duel. Heading into the Top of
the 9th, it remained all but apparent that neither side’s batters
would decide this tense match up. Everything would come down to which pitcher
would suffer a mental lapse. Unfortunately in this particular case it would be
Braves Right-hander Craig Kimbrel. In fairness, he shouldn’t be completely
villainized for allowing Nelson Cruz’s leadoff double. Cruz cunningly advanced
to third on Santana’s ground out, enabling him to easily score off of Aybar’s
single. Aybar’s stolen base, however, could have been prevented had Kimbrel
properly worked from the stretch. Aybar’s second run placed the U.S. in a much
more precarious position. Had they not had to swing for the fences, Jones and
Victorino might not have popped up.
Within another 24 hours it was all over. Vogelsong’s shaky
start ended up being the difference as our late inning rally fell just one run
short of drawing us level with the Puerto Ricans. Your friendly bookie couldn’t
even watch on this “National Day of Shame”. As soon as Eric Hosmer grounded out
to leave the bases loaded, it was off with the television. They wouldn’t even
be a line for Saturday’s “Seeding Match” between the Dominicans and Puerto
Ricans. For the second time in three days, it was time to retreat to the “Room
of Tears”. In a smidgen of poetic justice, the Dominicans blanked the now hated
Puerto Ricans 2-0 on Saturday afternoon. Was that supposed to provide me with
some succor? End of Pool.
Sunday
Puerto Rico vs. Japan
(Jose De La Torre vs. Atsushi Nomi)
The Japanese used (and thereby exhausted) eight pitchers in
their seeding match against the Dutch. This opens the door to a potential
Puerto Rican upset…but the firepower in the Samurai lineup cannot be so easily
discounted. All signs point to an eked-out victory. Japan will likely appear in
the final to play for it’s third consecutive championship.
THE
LINE: Japan +1 Run
Monday
Netherlands vs. Dominican Republic
(Diegomar Markwell vs. Santiago Casilla)
How much does Markwell have left in the tank? Not much I’m
betting….or hoping if you prefer.
THE
LINE: Dominican Republic +2 Runs
I’ll be in touch with my final stats and championship before
the Grand Finale on Tuesday night. For now….I regrettably must go to work. I’ve
already decided to invoke “bookie privilege” and call all bets off for the
final. Thus, this constitutes your FINAL opportunity to bet until the
Confederations Cup in June. Good luck, brothers.
GENTLEMEN,
ENTER YOUR WAGERS
