Introduction—“Redemption and the Road to Glory”
(Spain, the Netherlands, Chile, Australia)
Prognosticating doesn’t get much easier than this. La Furia
Roja will sail through this group, felling their soft opposition will all the
ease of Javier Bardem holding the infamous air-gun. Thunk. We’d like to think
that “El Tiki-Taka” has finally been cracked by the likes of Carlos Ancellotti
(we’ve been claiming that tacticians have beaten the celebrated short-passing
scheme for around six years know). We like to think that Xavi Alonso and Xavi
Hernandez just don’t have the legs for tournament football anymore, that Diego
Costa isn’t ready, and that Carlos Puyol was the master cylinder that kept the
whole operation motoring on.
It’s tempting to declare and end to the era of Spanish
International Football dominance, particularly when we find ourselves in a
strange sphere where Athletico Madrid can capture La Liga and make it all the
way to the Champions League final. Nonsense. The Reds now have Athletico
forward David Villa back from injury and his teammate Diego Costa ready to rock
the world. Athletico’s surprising surge only makes the national team stronger.
The Chileans would make for the perfect Dark Horse candidates were they not in
this group. Not only will the Spaniards have their way with the most talented
Chilean side ever assembled, the resurgent Dutch will crush them as well.
Following the debacle that was Bert van Marwijk’s “2012
Oranje”, distinguished Dutch Meister Louis van Gaal was brought in to right the
ship. He’s performed admirably, albeit with a surfeit of talent that makes his
job easy. A distraction no one needs at the moment concerns van Gaal’s imminent
departure to rescue the sinking ship at Old Trafford. Anyone thinking that van
Gaal is somehow checked out and that this will adversely affected the
performance of his squad will do well to remember that it was “King Louis”
himself who oversaw the failure of “Clockwork Ornaje” to qualify for the 2002
World Cup. The man still has plenty left to prove.
Down at the bottom of the table this will surely be the last
time we see the “Socceroos” for some time to come. They’ve got no one. Timmy
Cahill is now 34-years-of-age and playing for the New York Red Bulls. It’s
over. Gott sei dank!
Spain—“La
Furia Roja”
Oh they’re back in a big way. Two years ago I noted that the
Spanish cadre earned over 800 million Euros collectively. Mind you this was a
team that didn’t even feature David Villa (out on injury). They’ve done nothing
but improve over the intervening two years. La Furia Roja are now officially
the first “Billion Dollar Team” in the history of organized sport.
Virtually all of the familiar faces return. Juanfran Torres
and Jordi Alba continue to develop and have integrated themselves into the side
well. Azpilicueta and Arbeloa also constitute solid defensive options. All four
players appear ever bit as capable of working with Ramos and Pique as Puyol
did. Raul Albiol returns as well.
Del Bosque’s midfield continues to brim with depth, even more
so than Löw’s Nationalmanschaft. The two Xavis may be getting on in years, but
they both turned in solid performances. Cesc Fabregas’s game is down a tick,
but that’s meaningless considering how ridiculously elevated the “Catalan
Cougar’s” normal game happens to be. Sergio Busquets may not be as obscenely
talented as Cesc, but he’s still a monster in midfield. David Silva and Jesus
Navas both made brilliant contributions to Man City’s run at the Premiership
title. At the other end of town, Juan Mata netted 15 goals to serve as once of
the bright spots in ManU’s disastrous season.
We even need an entirely new paragraph to discuss Javi
Martinez’s stellar season at the Allianz, Andres Iniesta’s midfield prowess at
the Camp NU, and Santi Carzola’s passionate play at the Emirates. Did I mention
that Athletico Madrid’s Jorge Merodio and Athletico Bilbao’s Anders Iturrasepe
are prominent up-and-comers who could easily step in the unlikely event that
half the other ten obscenely talented midfielders succumb to a mass outbreak of
food poisoning. Two sizeable paragraphs and I haven't even mentioned the
strikers yet.
It should be noted at this point that del Bosque still
hasn't cut the requisite seven from his 30-man-provisional squad. Seven
talented natural strikers presently accompany the trio of Fabregas, Iniesta,
and David Silva (who can also comfortably play as attacking forwards should
circumstances dictate.) Torres, Pedro, Llorente, Villa, Negredo all conceivably
stand a chance of making the final squad. The two newbies are Athletico
Madrid's Diego Costa and Everton’s Gerard Deulofeu.
Decisions, decisions. We can say with 99.9% certainty that
Deulofeu is simply there to mimic Robin van Persie in the Training Camp
Exercises. Football enthusiasts (including this bookie) are almost united in
our belief that del Bosque will give the emerging star Costa a chance to play
center forward. He’s the new face of La Furia, and cannot be denied after his
historic 36-goal season for Athletico. Beyond that, some very talented strikers
who have served their national squad well throughout the unprecedented reign of
Spanish dominance will be headed home. Decisions, decisions.
All that remains is the discussion as to whether it’s truly
finetto for “El Tiki-Taka”. Since Pep Guardiola’s Bayern got embarrassingly
bounced out of the Champions League, it’s all that the German football media
cares to discuss. I suppose it’s worth a brief discussion. Your friendly bookie
had the following to say when composing retroactive notes for last Summer’s
tournament:
From CC 2013—Syndicate: Judgment Play:
Spain
(Winning Odds—Straight Up)
Can
“La Furia Roja” capture FOUR straight titles? Why the del-Bosqueing fuck not?
“The Walrus” once again has David Villa at his disposal. Carlos Puyol is back
too, though del Bosque has wisely opted to let him sit the extra strain
associated with this tournament out.
I’ve written so much about this obscenely talented squad over the years
that I find myself remiss to think of anything new that might be said about
either of the Sergios, either of the Xavis, or either of the Davids, either one
of the Torres, or either of the Fernandos!
Editor’s
retroactive notes:
La Roja remain the most analyzed team in Syndicate
History. Small wonder. They began their run of World Football dominance just as
this friendly neighborhood book was taking off. The football press has all but
declared the “Era of Tiki-Taka” dead following Pep Guardiola’s Champions League
fallout. As myopic as such analysis might be, Carlo Ancelotti (most recently)
has showcased to the world a useful tactic for defeating the system.
1) Keep the defense compact and organized. Four tall
defensive backs. Two defensive midfielders. Emphasis to the wingers: Stay back
and defend. Interrupt all lateral traffic past the halfway mark. Don’t risk
remaining on the flanks.
2) Completely forget about winning the possession game.
Let your opponents tire themselves out and play for some rare chances on the
break. That being said, don’t risk using the width of the pitch in possession.
Allow yourself to be dispossessed if no better options are available. “El Tiki
Taka” may allow your opponents to elegantly work their way out of a bad
position you’ve cornered them in, but it won’t generate goals unless you dumbly
deviate from your advantage in numbers.
3) Take advantage of the fact that “El Tiki Taka” doesn’t
rely upon a “midfield flight director”. Blanket defend in a zone rather than
smothering in possession. Allow forward runs and (once again) focus primarily
on intercepting lateral traffic.
4) Maintain discipline in the back four. Consider
defending the art of “defending one’s territory”. Don’t rush to challenge the
ball. Ignore cycling, triangulation, and the midfield short passing came.
Remain in your position and don’t cede a sweeping circle of approximately two
meters around. Begins with the notion of an offside trap, but keep your eyes
forward.
Who the hell knows if notions like this stand a chance of
working against the most talented bunch of football players in the world.
Various European trainers have been purporting to have cracked the system for
over eight years now. Most any strategy is reduced to conjecture when dealing
with the beautifully spontaneous game. All I know is that I’m eager to find
out, then bullshit one way or another depending on the result. ; )
Projecting
the Spanish Lineup (4-3-3) |
Diego Costa
|
|
Andres Iniesta
Pedro
|
|
Sergio
Busquets Xavi
Alonso
|
|
Xavi
|
|
Jordi Alba Gerard Pique S. Ramos A. Arebeloa
|
|
Iker Casillas
|
The
Talisman—Andres Iniesta 
The “Maestro from La Mancha” is often categorized as a shy
and humble midfielder, but he’s the most valuable player at his position in
this entire tournament. Moreover, he’s makes it happen when it counts. It was
Iniesta who scored that vital goal against Chelsea in the 2009 Champions League
semi-final AND the winning tally in the 2010 World Cup Final against the Dutch.
He was also actually the most consistent player of all those competing in Euro
2012. Practically everything hinges on how the Barça mainstay will work the
left flank in the coming matches. So much rides on his performance. Hopefully
he’ll give us a little bit of this: “A
Syndicate Classic—Spain”
From
WMQ 2009—“Syndicate with A Vengeance”
Spain
Viva
l’espana!! Viva La Furia Roja El fútbol es el deporte que más emociona a los
españolos! Okay, I apologize for my terrible Spanish, but, as you can see, I’m
downright sexually excited to have the Spaniards in on this..........and for
good reason! Tune into any La Liga game and you will see more scorching
senoritas than any other league in Europe (including the Serie A!) This is a
blessing for us all. I only hope that Zapatero does not intend to skew the
“hotness” ratio in the stands by bringing along his two rotund Goth daughters:
Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
I should have forewarned you. Once you see that image, there is simply no way
to “unsee” it. It will remain seared in your retina and subconscious. I had
several nightmares involving them last night. Presumably, these girls will be
standing there waiting for my as I arrive at the smoking gates of my own
personal hell. On the topic of me going to hell (my bags are packed, ticket in
hand), go ahead and check out my comments on the Spain v. Armenia match if you
haven’t been offended yet.
I
swear I’m not the Antichrist:
The
Netherlands—“The Brilliant Orange”
Your friendly bookie memorably spent an entire day on a
four-page write up extolling the virtues of the Brilliant Orange during the
lead-up to Euro 2012. What happened? Arjen Robben simply couldn’t regain his
form after flubbing a crucial penalty kick in the UEFA Champions League Final.
As physically adroit as footballers may be, their confidence can be as fragile
as a bi-polar girlfriend during Finals Week. Ibrahim Affellay, Nigel de Jong,
Mark van Bommel, Jethro Willems, and Wesley Sneijder all had miserable
tournaments as the woeful Dutch crashed out of the “Group of Death” without
registering a single point.
The draw has been much kinder to them, even if the past two
years have not. Liverpool let Dirk Kuyt transfer to the Turkish League for
pennies on the dollar. Inter similarly had enough of Wesley Sneijder. Only
Galatasaray was willing to offer him a relatively meek contract. Joris
Mathijsen is back playing in the domestic league. Stuttgart parted ways with
Khalid Bhoularouz, who now can’t even earn a starting spot in the Swedish
league. Gregory van der Wiel has been a complete flop at PSG. Ibrahim Affellay and Stijn Schaars both
went kersplat in terms of their club form After falling out of favor with David
Moises, Johnny Heitinga had had a catastrophic two years that included a
botched transfer to West Ham and a dreadful run of play at Fulham.
Klaas Jan Huntelaar, when not struggling with injury, has
seen his production level off significantly. Reliable regulars Mark van Bommel
and Wilfred Bouma retired. Keeper Martin Stekelenburg just had a nightmarish
season for the demoted FC Fulham, leaving the team without a clear #1 net
minder. Youngsters Jetro Willens, Luuk de Jong, and Kevin Strootman ALL failed
to live up to their potential. As if all of this wasn’t enough, we’ve just
learned that Rafael van der Vaart just tore his calf. He’ll have to sit 2014
out.
Wow. It’s really raining shit isn’t it? Not necessarily. The
Dutch still have enough raw talent to get out of the group. They should be able
to secure a victory against Australia and at least a draw against Chile. At the
back van Gaal rolls out an entirely new back four and a new keeper. Swansea
City’s Michael Vorm has done a great job between the pipes for the Welsh club,
and his consistency is a large reason why they remain in the Premiership. Of
the four new projected starting defensive backs Aston Villa’s Ron Vlaar has the
most experience. Er…he’s actually the only one with experience. The remaining
six have less than 40 International Caps among them, all of them coming in
either qualification matches or friendlies. Van Gaal thus rolls the dice with
four Feyernoord players you’ve never heard of. 30-year-old FC Augsburg right
back Paul Verhaegh earns a late career call up to imbue this very green
defensive corps with some veteran stability.
The uncertainties at the back remain overblown. Bruno
Martins, Daley Blind, and Daryl Janmaat are actually competent players, even if
you’ve never heard of them. Moreover, the Orange possesses enough midfield
talent to avoid placing too much pressure on the tyros. Nigel de Jong continues
to do good work for A.C. Milan. He’s one of the better defensive midfielders of
his generation. On the opposite flank, Jonathan de Guzman makes for a fine
complement. He also defends well and demonstrates decent occasional attacking
flair for Swansea City.
With respect to the attack, Arjen Robben looks to have fully
recovered from whatever crisis of confidence he previously traversed. Simply
stated, he’s been phenomenal for Bayern München over the past two years. This
year he scored 21 goals and roamed all over the pitch with all the slick tricks
of a bonafide superstar. This Jermain Lens character is highly intriguing. He
appears to be a bit of a late-bloomer finally finding his peak form at the age
of 26. Playing alongside Robben and van Persie will only accentuate his gift
for precise long crosses and sharp give-and-gos.
Did I neglect to discuss Van Persie? I don’t need to discuss
van Persie. He remains one of the greatest footballers there ever has been or
ever will be. An injury-riddled season won’t slow him down one bit. It’s
actually to his advantage that he got a bit of extra rest. He’ll kick some
serious ass in this tournament. Expect him to contend for the Golden Boot.
Quite a bit to say about Holland, the national side that has
undergone more changes since their last competitive tournament than any other.
Don’t despair, Dutch fans. You mostly just lost dead weight. This experience
will prove much brighter for you.
Projecting
the Dutch Lineup (4-3-3) |
Robin van Persie
|
|
Jermain Lens
Arjen Robben
|
|
Wesley Sneijder
|
|
Nigel
de Jong
Jonathan de Guzman
|
|
Daley Blind
Ron Vlaar Bruno M. Indi D. Janmaat
|
|
Michel Vorm
|
The
Talisman---Robin van Persie 
Not much more to write here concerning one of the greatest
ever. We’ll let these highlight reels do the talking: “A
Syndicate Classic—Holland”
From WM 2006—“The Curse of the Syndicate”:
Netherlands
Here’s
the team that will be decked out in all orange attire. New head coach Marco van
Basten has selected some tantalizing strikers to keep Rambling Rud company. Roy
Makaay and Patrick Kluivert have been dropped. They’ve abdicated in favor of
the surging Feyenoord whippersnapper Dirk Kuyt and Arsene Wegener’s shiny new
toy Robbin van Persie. The new look Orange will rely heavily on players that
have received tutelage under van Basten’s aegis. Kew Jaliens, Tim de Cler, and
Hedwiges Maduro are other faces.
The
Dutch share much in common with the Germans, besides their farcical
interpretation of the beautiful language of thinkers and poets. Their paramount
players are coming off lackluster seasons with their respective clubs and it
falls to a young coach with eccentric proclivities to weave together an
atypical stitching of potential and performance into some sort of coherent
entity. Arjen Robben has contributed suitably for Premiership Champions
Chelsea, but courted far too much controversy for his on-field antics. Rafael
van der Vaart had atrocious season for Hamburger SV, quite possibly solidifying
his place as the biggest Bundesliga flop of all time. Mark van Bommel, Giovanni
van Bronckhorst, and Phillip all Cocu all exhibited the pronounced dip in form
that their advancing years dictate.
Much
the same manner Fatherland hopes rest squarely on the shoulders of tenderfoots
Podolski and Schweinsteiger, Clockwork Orange must hope that Van Persie and
Kuyt find a way to make the issue of their age academic. I’m quite to eager to
stop looking up absurd synonyms for youngsters such as “tyro”, “tenderfoot”,
and “whippersnapper” and see what the boys have in store. Seriously,
“whippersnapper”? Who the fuck am I all the sudden, Tennessee Williams?
Chile—“La
Roja America”
The “L.A. Red Ones” return for their second World Cup in as
many cycles. In South Africa they stunned everyone by upsetting the favored
Swiss and advancing out of a group where few gave them a fighting chance. This
year they tore through COMNEBOL Qualifying, finishing ahead of traditional
regional powerhouses Ecuador and Uruguay.
Argentine manager Jorge Sampoli has undeniably assembled the
most talented Chilean squad in over fifty years. He picked up right where his
mentor (fellow Argentine Marcelo Bielsa) left off. The whole staff scouted and
recruited with remarkable success. The result is a squad comprised of a record
13 players playing in Europe’s top leagues. With so much ability and momentum
working for them, the Chileans have become the fashionable pick among amateur
bookies to serve as this tournament’s Cinderella. In nearly every match they
turn out to be comeback kids! Surely the Glass Slipper fits a country now run
once again by Michele Bachelet!!
Oh how alluring it is. I want to don my Romantic Robes and
tell you that this team can improbably punch through to the knockout stages,
just as they did in 1998 and 2010. I just don’t see it happening. Might as well
tell you why.
Alexis Sanchez and Eduardo Vargas are certainly upgraded
over Humberto Suarez and Mark Gonzalez, but Vargas still strikes me as a “work
in progress”. He needs to find a steady team and display more consistency.
Nothing too critical to say about Sanchez, especially not after his marvelous
season for Barça, but he benefited greatly from some of the set ups he got from
veteran leaders like Suazo, M. Gonzalez, and Pizzaro. Sampoli can’t be accused
of opting for youth in his selection, but questions regarding chemistry abound.
Why isn’t Beausejour hitting his teammates anymore? Did it
have something to do with his saga with Borghi? Why doesn’t Vidal seem at home
on the national side anymore? He’s been doing great for Juventus Turin. What’s
wrong? Why is it taking so long for Marcelo Diaz to blossom on the grand stage?
Why don’t Gonzalo Jara and Marcos Gonzales pour forward more often? They’ve got
the aerial skills!
Okay enough. I could waste an entire evening downplaying the
potential of what happens to be a potentially explosive team. Just know that
your friendly bookie isn’t on the bandwagon just yet. No disrespect. It’s a
tough group to see them getting out of.
Projecting
the Chilean Lineup (4-1-3-2) |
Eduardo
Vargas
Alexis Sanchez
|
|
Arturo Vidal
|
|
Jean
Beausejor
Mauricio Isla
|
|
Marcelo Diaz
|
|
Gonzalo Jara M. Gonzalez G. Medel Eugenio Mena
|
|
Claudio Bravo
|
The
Talisman—Alexis Sanchez 
The above cynicism should in no way serve to diminish what
this young man has accomplished since arriving at the Camp Nou. He’s just
concluded a spectacular 21-goal campaign. At the age of 25, he’s likely to
improve still more. We haven’t heard the last of him. “A
Syndicate Classic”--Chile 
From WM 2010—Round of Sixteen (Part IV)
“The
Team for everyman” from Chile (4 games played, 24 Hot Girls)
“La
Roja” is taken. As evidenced by my frantic attempt to come up with something
clever from yesterday:
“Red
Hot Chile Peppers”?—already used
“Chile
con Carne”? ---taken
“Chile
outside”?—already used
“Chile
Forecast”?---already used
“Chile’s
neighborhood bar and grill”? ---far too stupid
“Chile
and beans”?—not playing Mexico
“Chillin
with Chile”? ---Are you fucking kidding me?
“Chile
Beer”?---Mmmmmm,…that sounds good right about now. Nothin like a little Bud
Light and Tabasco!! glug, glug.
glug
“
Chile!
The country that is 3,000 miles long and three feet wide!”---C’mon, Peter.
Everybody knows you stole that from “The Onion!”
“Peneira
likes to have sex with young boys.”---oh for heaven’s sake, Vivey, that’s just
mean and disrespectful!!!!!!
I’m
fresh out of Chile gags. “El Equippo de Todos” translates to “The team
of the everyman”. Thus, it will be the sobriquet by which we send off some very
formidable foes and deserving Latin Americans. I was ecstatic to see you
hombres back in the WM!! You deserve to be here every four years and don’t you
forget it!! Both the U.S. and Germany have had a somewhat tumultuous
relationship with Chile over the past 40 years. I day it’s about time we bury
the Milton Friedman and welcome you to the club of “Too Cool for School”
Nation-States. Sorry about all the Sebastian Peneira jokes. Hope to see you and
your senioritas in four years!!
Australia—“The
Socceroos”
This surely is the end. This absolutely must be the end.
Sorry, Aussies. You’ll always have your women’s team (lovingly known to
Syndicate Members as “The Outback Ovaries”). You’re done. Tim Cahill is
34-years old and playing in the States. Mark Bresciano is 34-years old and
playing in Qatar. Luke Wilshire is 32-years old and just had the season from
hell over a Dynamo Moscow. Joshua Kennedy is nowhere near the player he used to
be. Mike Jedinak had a classy, if not completely disappointing season at Crystal
Palace.
Who the hell are Ivan Franjic, Jason Davidson, Matthew
Spiranovic, Bailey Wright, and Adam Taggart? I don’t know either. Wouldn’t mind
getting to know them, but witnessing the Swan Song of Australia’s “Greatest
Generation” takes precedence for now. It will be glorious farewell. Best for us
to focus on that.
Without in any way diminishing the final major international
tournament contested by the players mentioned above, it will also be
interesting to behold a few glimpses at the Socceroo Future. After the
retirement of goalkeeper Mark Schwarzer, head coach Ange Postecoglou (believe
it not, a native Australian) looks to trot out Borussia Dortmund third-stringer
Mitchell Langerak. This could be his big break. Celtic signing Tom Rogic
usually prefers to play as an attacking midfielder, but now gets the chance to
anchor behind Cahill. Winger Tommy Oar has delivered in fits and starts for FC
Utrecht. He’ll look to get his name in lights. FSV Frankfurt forward Mathew
Leckie desperately needs to play for a better team. For the time being he’s
signed with FC Ingolstadt 04. He still needs a better team. It’s a great chance
for him to showcase his skills.
Projecting
the Australian Lineup (4-2-3-1) |
Tim Cahill
|
|
Tom
Rogic
|
|
Tommy Oar
Matthew Leckie
|
|
Mile
Jedinak Mark
Bresciano
|
|
Jason Davidson R. McGowan I. Franjic Luke Wilshire
|
|
Mitchell Langerak
|
The
Talisman—Timmy Cahill 
With all due respect to Langerak, Rogic, Oar, and Leckie,
Timmy Cahill wrote the history of Australian football. He’s the primary reason
this nation has qualified for three consecutive World Cups. He invented the
“Kaiserslautern K.O. back in 2006, forever enshrining him in the annals of
Syndicate Lore.
He’s no longer the player he once was, but we haven’t a
choice but to bid adieu to Timmy Cahill with all due diligence:
“A
Syndicate Classic”—Australia
From FWM 2011—“Semifinals”
Australia
What did
I say about the Australian back line?? Elyse Perry is a pretty girl with a
pretty goal to her credit, but she had a nightmare day at the back. Unzunlar
upgraded her performance from “catastrophe” to “miserable” and Tameka Butt was
subbed in far too late to make difference. (No, people. I refuse to make a joke
about either Tameka “what..what” or Bayern keeper Hans Jorg “in the” Butt).
So the
dream dies for our “lady-roos”, “waltzing matildas”, “outback ovaries”, blah
blah blah blah. Rest assured we’ll be back with this perennial oceanic
qualifier next time around, talking about their fierce “Never say die”
attitude, trying (and failing) to find something funny to say about the Prime
Minister, and pretending as if Yahoo Serious is a legitimate pop culture
reference. Yawn. Don’t you understand? They won’t go away! They’re always
coming back! LEAVE ME ALONE!
WE”LL
GO WALTZING:
Elyse
Perry would be the obvious choice. Kyah Simon is certainly cute. She
purportedly has some aborigine in her, but I fail to see it. Guess she must be
like those white guys I know that are proud to be 1/64th Cherokee.
Laura Alleway, Caitlin Foord, and Samantha Kerr all deserve honorable mentions.
In the end we have to spice things up with a red head. Our calendar has it all.
Gentlemen, I give you Collette McCallum:
THE
MOMENT:
Having
been edged out for our Calendar, we’ll give Elyse Perry chops for her laser of
a strike in the losing effort against Sweden (at 0:50)
Vicey’s
Fearless Group Prediction (2 to 1 Odds for bookie)
1) Spain
2)
Netherlands
3) Chile
4)
Australia
Overall
Championship Odds
Spain
(Straight up) Netherlands
(3 to 1) Chile
(10 to 1) Australia
(22 to 1)
Round
of 16 Odds
Spain
(NO BETS) Netherlands
(Straight up) Chile (2
to 1) Australia
(4 to 1)
Quarterfinal
Odds
Spain
(NO BETS) Netherlands
(2 to 1) Chile (5
to 1) Australia
(8 to 1)
Semifinal
Odds
Spain
(Straight Up) Netherlands
(2 to 1) Chile (4
to 1) Australia
(10 to 1)
