Introduction—“Clash of the Iberian Titans”
(Portugal, Spain, Iran, Morocco)
A grouping of four familiar actors leaves this bookie
drowning in data. So many memories. So many lineups. So many permutations. So
many ways this Group can shake out.
All four teams in this group received extensive syndicate
coverage over the years, leaving your friendly bookie prone to some of his patented
overthinking. The European Giants, despite having a ridiculous amount of talent
at their disposal, feature cracks that experienced coaches like Carlos Queiroz
and Herve Renard can exploit. It’s not impossible to foresee either one of the
lower ranked teams picking off one of the big boys.
One can no longer be dismissive of the Iranians; not after
that burst of power in the 2015 Asian Cup. As evidenced by an undefeated
qualifying campaign, their Portuguese Maestro knows how to select a lineup.
“Team Melli” have perfected a 4-4-2 pincer attack. The new-look defense
conceded zero goals in qualifying and only one in recent friendlies. Queiroz
vs. Santos in the final group stage match? I salivate at the advent of that
chess match. It’ll be like watching Juan
Manuel Barroso and Antonio Guterres in an intellectual jousting match!
The Moroccans also made it through the qualifiers undefeated
and unscored upon. Herve Renard’s brilliant 5-3-2, debuted in the 2017 African
Cup of Nations, exhibits amazing flair and style. Versatile fullbacks roam the
flanks so as to ensure both a compact defense and an aggressive forward blitz.
Having witnessed how just how well it can work during the last AFCON, this
independent oddsmaker believes it stacks up well against the trident-like
offensive approaches of the Iberians.
If anyone looks vulnerable, it’s the Spaniards. They’ve been
slow to discover their form under new manager Julen Lopetegui, even if there have
been occasional outbursts of power. As I’ll argue below, one has difficulty
envisioning where the goals will come from given the age and mercurial nature
of their forwards. The ever-shifting nature of his strategy at the back also
fails to inspire confidence.
Am I overthinking matters? Most likely. Such
over-analyzation reminds me of the disastrous start I got off to setting lines
for Euro 2012. Yes, I’ll gladly revisit that, gentlemen. Months of exhaustive
prep work left me handicapping matches based on all manner of tactical
potential that existed solely in my head. I got off to an 0-11 start against
the spread! La Roja will likely find their furious form early enough to secure
the vital points. The Navigators are stacked as always. Talent trumps tactics.
So it goes.
My primary fear centers around the potential for a bunch of
low-scoring stalemates in this group. Every Iberian Derby covered by the
Syndicate over the years turned out to be a disappointing dub. We need the two
former Colonial Powerhouses to get us off to an electrifying start if this
group is to remain interesting.
Should the football let us down, the mind shall wander to
more spurious topics such as…whatever happened to Zapatero’s goth daughters?
Yeah. What’s Up? It’s been nine years. Are they single? Do
they have dinner plans? Can I take them to the Evanescence concert or what?
Portugal—“The Navigators”
Plenty of experimentation from Fernando Santos last Summer.
He mostly stuck with a traditional 4-4-2, but shook up his personnel to see who
might best complement his legendary striker. We quickly found out that Nani no
longer had the legs to serve with Ronaldo up front. He’s actually even been
dropped from the squad. Young Andre Silva now assumes that role. Adrien Silva,
William Carvalho, Joao Moutinho, Andre Gomez, Danilo Pereira, Bernardo Silva,
and even old-man Ricardo Quaresma all took turns backing him up over the course
of five matches. In the final analysis it looks as if the best eleven Bernardo,
Carvalho and Moutinho are the best picks to click, the latter two mostly
staying out of the way at the back.
Andre Silva’s move to AC Milan has produced mixed results.
He’s been used rather inconsistently in league play, but sparkled in European
Competition. Bernardo Silva put in a competent club campaign in his first year
at Manchester City. Hence, the bookie projects that they’ve both earned solid
starting spots next to the “Legend”. Moutinho and Carvalho back them up with
midfield flight direction from the left and center respectively.
Discerning who plugs the back right is anyone’s guess.
Adrien Silva didn’t show us anything at Leicester this season. Manuel Fernandes
and Ricardo Quaresema might upset the tempo. Gelson Martins and Goncalo Guedes
still haven’t truly broken through. I’d personally select Joao Mario, who
actually did well on loan to West Ham this season.
All the talk above about effective defensive systems omits
perhaps the most effective of them all. It came as something of a surprise to
see Eliseu dropped, but Cedric Soares appears the better pick on the right
anyway. It took some time for Raphael Guerrerio to hit his stride, but he’s
found the requisite form to occupy the left. Veterans Jose Fonte and Pepe close
ranks in front of a still awesome keeper. Bruno Alves can be deputized if need
be.
A few bumps in the qualifying road for the reigning European
Champs, but nothing to suggest that they won’t top the group and head deep into
this tournament. Your friendly bookie tips the Quarterfinals. Wouldn’t be
surprised to see them in the Semis.
Projecting the Portuguese Lineup (4-3-1-2)
C. Ronaldo Andre Silva
|
Bernardo
Silva
|
Joao Moutinho Joao
Mario
|
William Carvalho
|
R. Guerreiro Jose Fonte Pepe Cedric
|
Rui Patricio
|
The Talisman—Cristiano Ronaldo 
Feeling remiss. I’m simply running out of ways to describe
the “Footballing Jesus”. He’s finally showing signs of slowing down a tick…if
you’d care to define scoring 45 goals in a season as opposed to 60 as “slowing
down a tick”. The best ever. Period. Scroll through every preview section
written since 2004 and you’ll find glowing praise for CR7. He’s aged like fine
wine. Through rigorous training and study, he’s figured out a way to constantly
improve at the highest level. His skills…..dammit I just can’t write about him
anymore. I’m not worthy. Enjoy the pic just like you do every year, Syndicate
Member 6-F.
Enjoy the latest batch of highlights too ; )
“A Syndicate Classic—The Deferred Epic”
Editor’s
Retroactive Notes:
When
noisy neighbors Portugal and Spain kick-off at the end of Matchday Two in Sochi,
it will represent the fourth time in Syndicate Lore that these two countries
square off for the much-hyped “Iberian Derby”. To say that the three previous meetings lived
up to their billing wouldn’t be accurate. All were tepid and tightly-contested
affairs. The Navigators claimed a dull 1-0 victory in EM 2004 final group stage
fixture, a match really only noteworthy in that the respective managers debuted
Cristiano Ronaldo and Fernando Torres. The Spanish reciprocated with a drab 1-0
escape in WM 2010’s Round of 16. The game featured plenty of tactical intrigue,
but came nowhere close to your friendly bookie’s assertion that we’d witness a
show rivaling “Tori Black and Lexi Belle get Filthy”.
Then
there was this stinker ; (
More
action on the keys than on the pitch, laments an admittedly dour “Football
Apologist”.
This
time we’ll surely get one for the Ages. The history,. The lofty aspirations.
The lineups. The stars.
Don’t
miss this one. The first true “Iberian Derby”.
I’m
serious this time.
I
really mean it.
Goddammit,
c’mon!
From
EM 2012—Semifinals
Wednesday
Spain vs. Portugal
vs. 
What a treat! Another
Iberian Derby! Mark my words, syndicate members. This one will become an
instant classic. The Navigators are in as brilliant a form as I’ve seen ANY
football team EVER. Cristiano Ronaldo played the game of his life on Thursday
night. For further details, please see the “Day 13 Recap”. I honestly don’t
feel like copying, pasting, and italicizing anymore. To sum up, he might have
scored no fewer than nine times. Twice he unluckily struck the post, meaning he
truly deserved a hat trick. Nani, Moutinho, and Coentrao have been tearing up
the flanks. Veloso, Pepe, and Bruno Alves are exhibiting the Midas touch in
possession. They’re set to give that famous Spanish short-passing machine
serious problems. Perhaps the only bad news out of Navigator camp involves
Postiga. He will miss the semi-final after the thigh injury he sustained
against the Czechs.
I initially mused that
Postiga’s absence should not constitute a huge blow to Paulo Bento’s men.
Though I still believe that Almeida will do a serviceable job in his central
forward spot, every man counts in what shapes up to be a close shootout. I
covered a thrilling group encounter between these two during Euro 2004. Back
then Torres and Cristiano Ronaldo were merely two promising tyros who hadn’t
even cracked the starting lineup yet. The Final Group match was crucial for
both sides, and both coaches audaciously gave their young guns the nod to let
the future of their programs duel it out. Round One narrowly went to Cristiano
Ronaldo, who produced three heart-stopping chances to Fernando’s two. Round Two
came six years later in the South African knockout round. The Portuguese
muscled their way out of the Group of Death to face a La Roja side still
struggling to shake off adversity after a loss to Switzerland in the Opening
Group Match.
This time it was
Fernando’s turn. Though he was subbed off for Llorente five minutes before
Villa’s match winning goal, he better established himself with two early
distance efforts. He also, together with Xavi, hassled Ronaldo all night,
shutting him down with a vicious double-team on the right. Yes, yes. Time to
leave the past behind. After all, anyone and everyone can read about the
matches under “EM 2004—Round 3” or “WM 2010—Round of Sixteen (Tuesday)”. Who
among you are über-hyped up for the Ali-Frazier III of International Football?
Are we ready for THE DECISIVE “Clash of the Titans”? It’s the….er…. “rummage in
Donetsk”? Fuck. Why the orange-and-purpling fuck do they have to playing in
Donetsk? NOTHING rhymes with Donetsk. Let’s see if we can’t still channel our
inner-Cornell West
“Ahem…it’s gonna be INSANE in the UKRAINE….Insane in the brain, bringin the pain on the Caucasian plains. Spain’s got the game, but Ronaldo’s got the name. No shame in the rain as we play for the gain.”
Awww….brother Pete.
Dr. West would surely be impressed. Not really, but I just felt like writing
that. Alright, we’re through. No more eight-mile Vice. Let’s touch on what del
Bosque needs to do. We’ve tried the triple midfield axis. Then we tried Torres.
Then we went back to the midfield axis. Then we brought in both Torres and
Pedro. While La Roja haven’t come close to losing a match, they’ve hardly been
scintillating over the past two matches. They are a much more dazzling side
than the previous two encounters might suggest. Have they been biding their
time, conserving energy, artificially depressing their flair so as to bubble over
in this crucial match?
I’m willing to bet on
it. HOWEVER, I want Llorente in the starting eleven. No excuses now, del
Bosque. Torres is hot then he’s cold, he’s high and he’s low, he’s in and he’s
out, he’s up and he’s down. He’s producing a gospel album one minute, and
telling you he wants to “freak in his jeep” the next. Moreover, Fabregas looks
winded, Pedro looks lost, and both Mata and Negredo are untested. Now is the
perfect time to re-introduce the hero of the last Portugal match. He’s fresh. He’s
fit. He’s the only way you’re going to escape a diatribe from me on Thursday
morning. As a particularly witty syndicate member put it in last section’s
mailbag:
Reader:
I’ve composed a poem to keep Fernando Torres out of the lineup:
“When
you walk through the pitch,
you
better watch your back.
don’t
give in to the itch
walk
the straight and narrow track
If
you walk with Llorente,
He’ll
save your soul,
You
better keep Torres,
WAY
DOWN IN THE HOLE.”
Vicey:
Will you be my personal hero?
Editor’s
retroactive notes:
RESULT: Spain 0,
Portugal 0. (4-2 PSO). Not much of a match, this one. Twenty-one verifiable
looks at goal would appear to suggest otherwise. Such stats are nevertheless
rendered meaningless when one considers 120 minutes were played and no ball
found the back of the net.
Del Bosque continued
to ignore my impassioned pleas. In a shocking move that no commentator could
have foreseen, he started Negredo up front, flanked by Iniesta and David Silva.
The intriguing setup produced little outside of some awkward play and
unpolished passing. The more promising efforts of the first half came from none
other than Ronaldo, who only punched through the midfield impasse sparingly.
Nani whipped one in for him shortly before the teams headed for the locker room
in the only chance of note during the first 45.
It didn’t take long
for del Bosque to realize that this wasn’t working. He dumped Negredo for the
far more promising Fabregas in the 54th. The move failed to inject
the match with any sort of pace. The walrus took another stab at it in the 60th,
swapping in Jesus Navas for the ineffective David Silva. Again, the only
exciting moments were furnished by Ronaldo. Thrice he came close with fine free
kicks. Twice he fired over with a touch too much power.
Del Bosque burned his
final substitution in the 87th, sending on Pedro in place of Xavi.
His gambit for the late winner floundered. Nothing memorable was produced.
Instead, we settled in for an extra half hour of slow, defensive play. The
exhausted Mountinho and Xavi Alonso canceled one another out with halfhearted
first round shootout misses. After four consecutive conversions from Pepe,
Iniesta, Nani, and Pique, a Jordi Alves blunder coupled with Sergio Ramos’s
successful finish gave Spain hope as the initiator rotated. Scoring the winning
penalty, it was none other than the covetous Cesc Fabregas. Hmmmm…perhaps del
Bosque proved wise not to start him after all.
From
EM 2012—Day Seventeen Recap
Hmmm…well
so much for an “epic battle for the ages”. Last night’s match was by no means
an “instant classic”. The extremely tense, tactically tight fixture facilitated
plenty of intrigue, but mostly for us football connoisseurs. We saw plenty of
brave headers, interesting give-and-goes, and chess match positional
reshuffling. The infamous La Roja “Ticky-tack” short passing gambit was nowhere
to be found. Veloso, Moutinho, and later Custodio did an effective job of
choking it out.
Over
the course of 120 minutes, two sides nearly peerless in the technical aspects
of the game essentially neutralized one another. The La Roja celebrations I
partook in afterwards were by no means subdued. Fair enough considering the
spirit will be repressed come Sunday. Make no mistake, La Roja escaped by the
skin of their teeth. They were a bit unlucky that a penalty wasn’t awarded for
Pepe’s back pass in the 110th and Iniesta would have scored off that
Jordi Alba cutback in the 115th over 90 percent of the time. Still,
to illustrate how UNAMIGINABLY razor-thin this ticket to the finals is, ONE
MORE MILIMETER further downward on Bruno Alves’s penalty and ONE MORE MILIMETER
to the left for Fabregas would have yielded a different result. Unbelievably
close. They may as well have tossed a coin.
Spain—“La Furia Roja”
The big news here concerns the fact that Diego Costa has
been re-instated and Alvaro Morata has been dropped. In other words, the
Spanish National Team has opted for the exact inverse strategy as that employed
by Chelsea Football Club. Your friendly bookie doesn’t trust this move any more
than he trusted that wacky screwball 4-1-4-1 del Bosque deployed against the
Wops in Euro 2016. Though Lopetegui managed to take revenge on the dastardly
dagos with a convincing 3-0 drubbing in qualifying, this year’s incarnation of
La Furia is strewn with problems. Attack-wise, they struggle mightily with
replacing the likes of Pedro or David Villa. Marco Asensio and Saul Niguez can’t
replace the once stolid presence of the Fabregas or the Xavis. The whole right
side is left exposed. Aargh. I sincerely hope these guys make the Knockouts.
Don’t deprive us of more matches to ogle the “scorching senoritas” in the
stands!
Alright. Let’s break it down, beginning up front. Costa
appears the only reliable striking option. Lucas Vasquez and Iago Aspas are
merely substitution selections. Can’t see either one of them starting. Hitherto
unheard of Rodrigo Moreno just completed a fantastic season for Valencia, but
he’s apparently more of a winger. Costa, or the Bad Boy Brazilian as some will
remember him, greatly assisted Atletico Madrid in their run to the Europa
League crown. He was nevertheless sparsely used by Diego Simeone for good
reason. Nowhere near the player he was supposed to mature into at this point,
both on and off the pitch!
That might actually not be a problem as da Costa could
simply serve as a decoy in a “False-9- System” truly reliant on Andres Iniesta
and David Silva pouring forward, linking up with Costa only when cutback
crosses necessitate. Such an arrangement calls for a short striker directly
behind the lead. I nominate Real Madrid’s Isco. He’s coming off a wonderful
campaign for the European Champions and just scored a Hat Trick in Spain’s last
meaningful friendly. Should he be able to carry his form over to the
tournament, the attack should function just fine.
Busquets needs a partner on the right and I think it should
be Bayern’s Thiago. Asensio just doesn’t seem ready. Niguez flopped this season
and Koke is too conservative a pick. Deciding who to place behind the creative
and impulsive Thiago leads to an interesting choice. Carvajal or Azpilicueta?
Tough call. Someone more cautious needs to buttress him, so I’ll go with
Carvajal.
Everything else seems set in stone. Jordi Alba at right
back. Ramos and Pique as the centerbacks. A peaking David da Gea in net. If
there’s one area of this team decidedly NOT an issue, it’s the very back
defensive corps/netminder. Totally and airtight. Opposing teams won’t get past
them easily.
Before moving on, do spare a care for poor Pepe Reina. ; )
Twelve years waiting in line behind Iker Casillas, only to continue to occupy
his bench-warming spot behind da Gea. That’s one unlucky bastardo; the Prince
Charles of La Roja. He has every right to be as cranky as Jens Lehman….actually
a great deal crankier since even he finally got his shot.
Projecting the Spanish Lineup (4-2-3-1)
Diego Costa
|
Andres Iniesta Isco
David Silva
|
Sergio Busquets Thiago
|
Jordi Alba Dani Carvajal
|
Sergio Ramos Gerard Pique
|
David da
Gea
|
The Talisman—Sergio Ramos 
There’s your anchor, Spanish friends. An unreal 150+ Caps
for country! Let’s put that missed penalty kick against the Croats two years
ago behind us and focus on what he needs to do here: Lead. Note the
capitalization. Ramos will be in charge of most of the distribution out of the
back. His speed means he’ll also have to press up frequently on counters,
sprinting back rapidly to his position should his unrivaled technical tackling
be needed. He needs to be everywhere. Teleportation and cloning being
impossible, it seems quite the tall order. One of the World’s most adroit and
resourceful footballers will manage….or La Roja won’t advance. “A Syndicate Classic—No one expects the
SPANISH INQUISITION”
Editor’s
retroactive Notes:
Oh
yes. We’re going there. Can’t ignore it. Back in 2014, the Spaniards were the
dominant force in World Football. They entered that year’s WM defending World
Champions who had also captured two consecutive European crowns. Six years of uninterrupted
glory! Many, including this bookie, engaged in broad historical debates
concerning whether the “El-Tiki-Taka” System—built by Luis Aragones, refined by
Vincente del Bosque, and effectively utilized by eminently successful club coaches
like Pep Guardiola—stood as the pinnacle of all footballing tactics ever
devised. Every sports periodical lauded it and devoted tomes of text speculating
how it might be beat.
Then
came the precipitous downfall; a complete train wreck from the organized
sport’s first “BILLION-dollar team” No one saw it coming…but then again no one
expects the Spanish Inquisition.
Yes,
the repost below is very long. Your friendly bookie averaged over 3000 words
per day over the course of three months preparing and covering the 2014 WM.
Through in all the e-mail correspondence and one could push that figure closer
to 4k. Good lord what a euphoric blissful Summer it was, all culminating in the
Fatherland’s Fourth Star.
An
enormous magnum opus with the perfect ending. I found I had no clue how to
relax afterward,. How does one come down from something like that?
From
WM 2014—Day Two Recap:
Buenos
Dias Spanish Syndicate Members,
Digame?
Oiga? Is anyone there? Don’t hang up the phone! If you don’t feel like
speaking, at least let me listen to you breathe! I’m you can’t formulate a
sentence, just hyperventilate for me! I need to know that you’re okay. I’m here
on the other end of the line! I’m not going anywhere…not until I know that
you’re safe. You’re very important to a lot of people.
Step
back from the ledge. Get that toaster away from the bathwater. Put down that
razor-blade and screw the safety cap back on the pill vial. DON’T DO IT!! You
are still loved!!
Good
Lord. Strange things are known to transpire over a full “fairy tale” moon, but
who could have predicted the Dutch would spank their one-time conquers so
thoroughly? Last night made the sinking of the Armada look like a minor
sidewalk scrape. All of Iberia stumbled out of bed this morning convinced it
was all just a bad dream; an intricate nightmare not unlike the one in which
you forgot you registered for a class until the last week of the semester.
But
it did happen. You kept oversleeping your 7 a.m. Calculus Class and never got
around to dropping it in time. Now your transcript is all fucked up. This
happened. You tried to sit for your Economics Final Exam even though you only
made it to three of the lectures. You flunked. It happened. You went back to
High School to take some easier courses and even then managed to go down in
flames after failing to show up for Chemistry day after day. The ultimate
humiliation. IT HAPPENED!
Van
Persie and Arjen Robben made a complete mockery out of Sergio Ramos, Gerald
Pique, and Iker Casillas. They both grabbed braces courtesy of horribly slack
defending. Diego Costa was, by all accounts, a total bust in his much-awaited
debut. Busquets, Jordi Alba, and Azpilicueta all had atrocious matches. Van
Persie, Wesley Sneijder, Robeen, and Jermain Lens all had the chance to push
the scoreline to 10-1 or even 11-1. You got lit up. THIS HAPPENED!
And
what we you wearing? An all-white kit that made “La Furia Roja” look like the Real
Madrid Youth Reserves. Ugh. That’s worse than being naked! It was the perfect
storm of terror and fear…..and you weren’t hallucinating. IT ALL HAPPENED!
Okay.
Let’s settle down a bit and analyze matters. It’s not quite as dour as everyone
thinks. I’ll begin by emphasizing that “El Tiki-Taka” is not dead. The Spanish
short-passing game remains alive and well, as evidenced by a strong first half
during which del Bosque’s men were highly competitive and could have easily
gone up 3-0. I aver that the system still works provided a few ghastly
defensive errors don’t fling open the floodgates. We shouldn’t forget that this
was a tight contest all the way up to the 65th minute.
Reader:
Hey! You know what time it is? It’s five past Casillas!
Vicey: (taking a deep breath)
Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
That’s the fucking line of the tournament. Sorry, but there’s no way in hell
you came up with that one all by yourself. Who are you hanging out with these
days, and can I come?
Reader:
Is el Tiki-Taka dead?
Vicey: Enough already! Stop with this question. Read the
“Group B Preview Section” again if you must.
Reader:
Robben dives like Greg Louganis on crack.
Vicey: Yeah…you could say that, or you could say he was
doing a little “Chris Tucker Neck Shuffle”
From WM 2014—Day
Seven Recap:
Buenos
Dias Syndicate Members,
….
….
….
Qué
Cojones??
!CARAMBA!
WHAT?!?
No way that just happened. Chile con Carnage! Down goes Espana. Hasta Luego!
Unbelievable. Less than a week into proceedings…it’s all over. The
eight-year-long reign of La Furia Roja is finished. The longest reigning
international football giant has been slain. Goliath has fallen. Ken Jennings
has lost. The era has finished. For the first time since 2006, your friendly
bookie will have to compose a “Goodbyes Section” for the Spanish Eleven. 2006!
Less
than 24 hours from the official “retirement” of the “Vicey gets it DEAD
WRONG?” Segment we must resurrect it for the purposes of this write-up.
Very few were expecting this. We all knew that del Bosque’s boys wouldn’t be
able to repeat as champions for a fourth consecutive international tournament,
but for them to get outright spanked and go crashing out at the Group stages
after only two matches was not at all anticipated.
Well….nobody
expects the Spanish Inquisition.
From WM 2014—Group
B Preview
Oh
they’re back in a big way. Two years ago I noted that the Spanish cadre earned
over 800 million Euros collectively. Mind you this was a team that didn’t even
feature David Villa (out on injury). They’ve done nothing but improve over the
intervening two years. La Furia Roja are now officially the first “Billion
Dollar Team” in the history of organized sport.
Editor’s Retroactive Notes
A billion-dollar
fucking disaster. They’re the “Merrill-Lynch” of organized sport.
From WM 2014—Group
B Preview
Prognosticating
doesn’t get much easier than this. La Furia Roja will sail through this group,
felling their soft opposition will all the ease of Javier Bardem holding the
infamous air-gun. Thunk. We’d like to think that “El Tiki-Taka” has finally
been cracked by the likes of Carlos Ancelotti (we’ve been claiming that
tacticians have beaten the celebrated short-passing scheme for around six years
know). We like to think that Xavi Alonso and Xavi Hernandez just don’t have the
legs for tournament football anymore, that Diego Costa isn’t ready, and that
Carlos Puyol was the master cylinder that kept the whole operation motoring on.
Editor’s Retroactive Notes
Yeah “we” like to
think a lot of things that turn out to be absolutely correct if we just had the
courage of our convictions. Javier Bardem just got T-boned at the intersection.
Someone get him a shirt.
From WM 2014—Group
B Preview
It’s
tempting to declare and end to the era of Spanish International Football
dominance, particularly when we find ourselves in a strange sphere where
Athletico Madrid can capture La Liga and make it all the way to the Champions
League final. Nonsense. The Reds now have Athletico forward David Villa back from
injury and his teammate Diego Costa ready to rock the world. Athletico’s
surprising surge only makes the national team stronger. The Chileans would make
for the perfect Dark Horse candidates were they not in this group. Not only
will the Spaniards have their way with the most talented Chilean side ever
assembled, the resurgent Dutch will crush them as well.
Editor’s Retroactive Notes
Er…when the cops come,
you didn’t see me. I was already gone.
From WM 2014—Round
One
Spain
vs. the Netherlands
Blockbuster,
baby. La Roja defend the World Championship and TWO consecutive European
Championships. They may be the best team ever…and they have no intention of
abdicating their throne…..like….oh fuck it. That joke’s just too obvious.
Editor’s Retroactive Notes
Del Bosque and Juan
Carlos will soon be eating oatmeal and drooling on themselves in some far-off
secluded Old Folks Home. Perhaps they should try Italy. Berlusconi could serve
them.
From WM 2014—Day
Two Recap
Okay.
Let’s settle down a bit and analyze matters. It’s not quite as dour as everyone
thinks. I’ll begin by emphasizing that “El Tiki-Taka” is not dead. The Spanish
short-passing game remains alive and well, as evidenced by a strong first half
during which del Bosque’s men were highly competitive and could have easily
gone up 3-0. I aver that the system still works provided a few ghastly
defensive errors don’t fling open the floodgates. We shouldn’t forget that this
was a tight contest all the way up to the 65th minute.
Editor’s Retroactive Notes
It’s dead. Xavi
Alonso, Busquets and Iniesta could barely get any touches in at all last night.
It didn’t even look as if they were attempting to establish a midfield pocket.
Mostly they just fired over from long range. Likewise, Silva and Pedro didn’t
even attempt to cycle. I suppose the key to beating the system is crystal
clear: Grab an early lead. Then they can’t even begin to implement their
gameplan.
From WM 2014—Day
Two Recap:
Bottom
Line: The strategy still works. Iniesta and the two Xavis can still generate
good movement and triangulation. They need better finishing from their
strikers, but that’s not really a problem considering how deep this bench is.
Del
Bosque illustrates this with his substitutions. He swapped out Costa and Xavi
Alonso for Torres and Pedro in the 62nd. Torres has gotten into the
swing of things over at The Bridge. Even if he hadn’t revitalized his career
over at Chelsea, he’s still the national side’s good luck charm; a great
late-game “Number 9” option. So is Barça’s Pedro. I’m convinced that Villa
isn’t done yet either, even if he’s headed to semi-retirement in MLS.
Del
Bosque’s double substitution was a great move. Unluckily for him, Stefan De
Vrij scored Holland’s third goal three minutes later and the whole tactical
switch was essentially rendered moot. Torres got some good looks. So did 78th
minute sub Fabregas. Del Bosque has the new Chelsea-signing at his disposal
coming off the bench. He also has Santi Carzola, Juan Mata, and Javi Martinez.
This squad is too deep and too talented to simply fade away without a fight.
Relax, Spanish fans. You’ll be back!
Editor’s Retroactive Notes
HA! You’ll be back
home is where you’ll be. Del Bosque simply wasn’t courageous enough in his
lineup selection. He moved Iniesta and Xavi Alonso into central midfield,
dropped Xavi Hernandez, and gave Pedro the start on the left wing. He favored
Javi Martinez over Gerald Pique in central defense…..but that’s all! How in the
hell can you make only TWO changes after a 5-1 thrashing? To give Costa and
Ramos the start was just stupid! This of course brings us to…
From WM 2014—Round
Two:
The
road back begins with this pressing keeper question. Something tells me del
Bosque isn’t quite the type to embarrass his captain with a potentially destabilizing
benching. “The Walrus” doesn’t roll that way. Pepe doesn’t star Merseyside
anymore anyway and to make such a public show of panicking would only serve to
send a signal to the players that the ship is sinking.
Editor’s Retroactive Notes
Dammit. He should have
benched him. Casillas looked awful on both those goals. On the first one he
overcommitted on Vargas and couldn’t get back into position in time. The second
tally was entirely his fault. What the hell kind of punch clear was that, Iker?
Tip it out into touch, collect it, or REALLY PUNCH IT!!
From WM 2014—Round
Two
Maintain
calm. Adjustments need to be made, but they can be done quietly. Pique and
Ramos appear completely out of sync at the back. Their failure to hold the
defensive line directly led to van Persie’s equalizer. To replace one of them
seems unthinkable, but Juanfran deserves a shot. The Athletico defender is more
effective on the wing, so it might be prudent to move Azpilicueta in or simply
start Raul Albiol in a reformatted 3-5-2.
Bad
news in the defense quickly turns into terrible news for del Bosque. He took
only six defenders to make way for his 10 midfielders and 4 strikers. A
reworking of the formation appears the only real solution at this stage. It’s
not as if “La Roja” can afford to sit back and defend in this match anyway.
They need to make a statement early. Go for the 3-5-2, Vincente!
Editor’s Retroactive Notes
Oh why don’t you
listen, Walrus. WHY?
From WM 2014—Round
Two
Replacing
either David Luiz or Sergio Busquets with Fabregas shouldn’t be too scandalous.
Taking off one of the Xavis for Javi Martinez also won’t cause a ruckus. Santi
Carzola deserves some serious consideration if he’s fit.
It’s
anyone’s guess who he might choose up front. In Euro 2012 he began with
Fabregas as his primary center forward, then settled on Torres for a little
while. Before allowing Fernando to get comfortable he then switched to Silva,
gave Negredo a shot, and then switched back to Fabregas for the final. Del
Bosque loves to mix it up with his deep kader. He’s a great trainer for
tournament football, acutely aware that his player’s fitness levels must be
closely monitored.
It
will be a game-time decision. Factors such as chemistry and projected opposing
defenses come into play too, of course. All we know for sure is that Diego
Costa is done…for now. He’s got to go sit in the corner and think about what
he’s done. Come back when you’re ready to turn on the jets.
Editor’s Retroactive Notes
Oh why don’t you
listen, Walrus. WHY?
Well…..I hope at least
some of you a had a good time anyway. It’s only a game at the end of the day.
There’s so much more important than football. As seriously as many might think
I take it, your friendly bookie is actually quite stoic about wins and losses.
Far more important is how one watched the game.
Still, what an
astounding Tsunami the Spanish Exit was. No one expects the Spanish
Inquisition.
Perhaps Mariano Rajoy
should have visited the dressing room like our Angie.
Iran—“The Princes of Persia”
As of this writing, Queiroz still has one last player to cut
down before his roster is finalized. He’s already made some surprising moves,
dropping promising young breakthrough players like Kevin Rezaei and Ali Karimi.
Looks like he’ll be playing it safe, opting for experience in this uphill
battle. I expect Saeid Ezatolahi will be the last player dropped. Nothing will
be left to chance. “Team Melli” sticks with the “big guns.”
Just how potent are these “guns”? By international standards
not very, but there remains plenty of talent to discuss. Heerenveen’s Reza Goochannejad
returns joined by AZ Alkmaar’s Alireza Jahanbakhsh. The two Dutch league stars
had serviceable campaigns, Jahanbakhsh in particular really breaking through
with a 22-goal-season that stunned everyone. Sardar Azmoun, now playing for
Rubin Kazan, didn’t really dazzle for his club but has now netted 23 goals for
country. Karim Ansarifard and Mehdi Taremi round out the attack. All together
they’ve tallied 71 times for the national side and boast 194 collective caps. Altogether
a solid attack.
The defensive corps, keepers of many a clean sheet in
qualifying and friendlies, look both dexterous and flexible from what I’ve been
able to gather. Milad Mohammadi and Ramen Rezaeian, two young and dynamic
players, have kept it tight at the back whilst also scoring a few goals
themselves. Veteran centerback Pejman Montazeri reprises his role as the
anchoring last line in front of goal.
Things get a bit murky in the midfield. Following the
retirement of Javad Nekounam and Andranik Teymourin, Ashkan Dejagah. Massoud Shojaei,
and Ehsans Hajsafi’s set positions are unclear. All three have exhibited what
might be described as lumbering form as of late as they’re getting up there in
years.
Here we have the reason why your friendly bookie is
surprised that Queiroz didn’t at least include one of the younger players in
his final roster.
Contrary to what many commentators augur, the Iranians
shouldn’t replicate their mind-bogglingly boring performance from WM 2014. This
is a very different team possessing very different potential. Regardless, this
oddsmaker senses a lack of imagination in the final selection that denies this
squad the creative spark it will require.
I see them finishing at the bottom of the group.
Projecting the Iranian Lineup (4-4-2)
Sardar Azmoun Reza Goochannejhad
|
Ehsan Hajsafi Ashkan Dejagah
|
Masoud Shojaei Alireza Jahanbakhsh
|
Milad Mohammadi Ramen Rezaeian
|
Pejman Montazeri M.R. Khanzadeh
|
Alireza Beiranvand
|
The Talisman—Sardar Azmoun 
This promising young forward will be familiar to any
Iranian. Many an English Football enthusiast knows him too. He’s been linked
with a move to the Premiership on multiple occasions. His dramatic late winner
against the U.A.E. in the 2015 AFC Championship and his emphatic headed goal
against the Iraqis in the Quarterfinals placed him on many a radar, including
mine. Tall, quick, and prolific on the finish, some consider him on the cusp of
a James Rodriguez-like breakthrough.
Meh. Like his skills, but that seems like a stretch.
“A Syndicate Classic—Non-Proliferation
Musings from a Lost Era”
Editor’s
Retroactive Notes:
There’s absolutely
nothing wrong with allowing trained policy professionals to handle crucial
geo-political problems like averting war and preventing the proliferation of
weapons of mass destruction
…unless of course
you’ve been too busy fixing your hair to actually to actually read anything.
….or the only thing
you really care about whether you chief negotiator “has a pair”.
Such is the age we
live in. Your friendly bookie doesn’t purport to be a trained policy
professional of any sort, but some S.S. Work a few years did once necessitate that
I read the JCPOA (2015’s Nuclear Accord with Iran). Actually a great read. Excellent work from qualified professionals. So
very glad my unqualified ass wasn’t involved the either the negotiations or the
codifying.
Letting people who
actually know what they’re doing handle something for you usually leads to good
outcomes…but I suppose we’re not really in too that so much anymore.
Yeah. We’ll throw in
the infamous John Bolton rant just for the sheer hell of it. Did anyone
actually believe there was going to be a sit-down with Kim Jong-Un? Christ,
we’re lost.
From
WM 20016—“The Curse of the Syndicate”
Iran
All
of Persia will be pumping their fists to cheer on their lone
representative…except for the women, who are not allowed to go to the games…and
president Ahmadinejad, who cannot set foot in Germany without being arrested.
Holocaust denial remains an imprisonable crime in the Fatherland. Guess who’s
not going to be there? If you answered rabid U.S. Soccer Fan David Duke, you’re
only half right. Looks like Mahmoud and Khameni will have to settle for
watching the spectacular failure of their team from the comforts of Tehran.
Have fun, boys. Let me know when those Jew bombs start falling!
Of
course one should take care to separate the team from the regime. The Shia
Strikers have a Croatian coach and five German Bundesliga players. One of them,
midfielder Ferydoon Zandi, even plays for my hometown club FCK. I wish not to
spew venomous vitriol at a multi-lingual group with Fatherland roots. Nevertheless,
those with German eligibility are representing the WRONG side. My feelings are
adequately conveyed in a zinger I exchanged with Ferydoon himself.
Peter:
Knock, Knock
Ferydoon:
Who’s there?
Peter:
Ayatollah
Ferydoon:
Ayatollah who?
Peter:
Aya-toll-ah to get the FUCK OUT OF MY TOURNAMENT!
Editor’s retroactive notes:
One
should continue to draw an important distinction between team and regime.
Although the Iranians failed to qualify for the 2010 World Cup, the players in
the qualifying rounds strapped on green wristbands in support of the “Where is
my vote?” uprising. This salient factoid, along with the verifiable truth,
documented above, that Israel was threatened to bomb Iran back in 2006, forces
me to now prattle out a rant.
WARNING:
Totally unrelated wonkish interlude.
Ahem.
NO ONE IS GOING TO BOMB IRAN. Everyone got that? What is wrong with our
discourse on this subject? Has everyone lost their mind? Back in 2006 Olmert,
Livni, and Petertz expressed worry over the “point of no return”(enrichment
capacity). Six years later the central talking point of Netanyahu and Barak is
the “zone of immunity.”(the construction of an impenetrable underground bunker
in Qom) Meanwhile, all credible N.I.E.’s have been broadly consistent: Iran
keeps its options open with weapons grade enrichment while maintaining no
discernable weapons program. Unlike the Sorties against Syria and Iraq,
tactical constraints and incomplete intelligence preclude the Israelis from
conducting surgical strikes within the country. A pre-emptive military option
entails enormous risk, particularly considering the vast terrain and the
likelihood of as of yet undiscovered sites mean the chances of successfully
hitting the right facilities are dubious at best. Lethal espionage, industrial
sabotage, vice-grip sanctions that have rendered the Rial essentially
worthless, and the slow choking off of the country’s oil exports have all
worked reasonable well. Have we mentioned that there exists enormous discord
between the rival factions within the Guardian Council? Internal politics is a
mess and the greens will rise again as the country’s economy descends further.
The West is supposed to risk everything with a belligerent show of force that
will give the weakened Regime an excuse to rally its disaffected population? NO
ONE IS GOING TO BOMB IRAN. Let it go, people. When will we learn that we’ve
been talking about an option that has technically been off the table for over
six years? Let it go.
From
WMQ 2009—“Syndicate with A Vengeance”
Korea DPR
You’re
not high; the North Koreans will be playing in the 2010 WM! (Okay, you might
still possibly be high). And you thought that recent conciliatory tone had
something to do with Clinton’s visit, Kim Il-Sung getting caught in Macau, the
Taepodong dud, or Resolution 1874?!? Hahahahaha. Don’t be so naïve! Ask
yourself, when did North Korea stop prattling on about “silly ladies” and start
indicating willingness to get back to the table? Football is serious business;
the ultimate “sunshine policy”. “Football Diplomacy” is more than just a phrase
concocted by all-too clever wordsmiths working for the Economist when it comes
time to write the umpteenth article on Turkish-Armenian Relations.
It’s Real!
One almost wishes the South Koreans hadn’t dispatched our green-clad Iranians. L The fact is, the chances of an
international incident are greatly decreased with the two Koreas playing in
this tournament together for the first time. Someone should inform John Bolton
of this. Someone should also inform him that he is a douche bag. Hey Johnny,
just because you know 19.74% constitutes weapons-grade uranium enrichment
doesn’t make you a prophet you worthless mustachioed fucktard! Don’t try to
hide behind your extensive knowledge of non-proliferation jargon. You remain nothing
more than a combative Cassandra with mediocre writing ability and below-average
talent for logical coherence. Someone punch this useless Mark Twain wannabe in
any one of his three chins!
Morocco—"The Lions of the Atlas"
So very disappointed that Sofiane Boufal wasn’t selected. He
scored what was undoubtedly the Premiership Goal of the Season. Better to look
it up on YouTube than to read my description, but I’ll tease it for you.
Playing for Southampton in late October, he attained possession deep in his own
half, then proceeded to charge nearly the entire length of the field, shaking
off eight defenders and making two of them collide before supplying a sublime
finish. Look it up. It’s worth your time.
Renard’s System is not dissimilar to that of Queiroz. The
seasoned and accomplished itinerant maestro relies upon mobile fullbacks to
augment what is otherwise a tight stay-at-home defense. I’ll argue that the
talent level of the Lions is a notch better. Hamza Mendyl and Nabil Dirar rove intelligently.
Roman Saiss and Faycal Fajr feed them whilst maintaining their centralized
roles. Manuel da Costa and Medhi Benatia don’t stray. That’s what makes the
defensive side of the equation so airtight.
Up front Bundesliga star Aziz Bouhaddouz takes the lead,
supported by Ajax star Hakim Ziyech and clutch performer Younes Belhanda. They’re
all actually very talented players whom I’ve had the privilege of watching.
Bookie likes. Bookie likes much. ; )
And there’s even an emerging star! No one had heard of
domestic league striker Ayoub El Kaabi at the start of this calendar year. He
hadn’t even been capped at the national level until January 13th. In
the intervening five months he’s scored ten goals for the team, racking up two
braces and a hat trick for the Lions during their tear in the Junior Level
African Nations Championship. Keep an eye on him!
They’ll likely not last long, but they’ll definitely give us
some entertainment along with a nice preview for next year’s AFCON.
Roar as loud as you can, Lions ; )
Projecting the Moroccan Lineup (5-3-2)
Aziz Bouhaddouz Ayoub El Kaabi
|
Hakim Ziyech Younes Belhanda
|
Faycal Fajr
|
Hamza Meddyl Romain Saiss Nabil Dirar
|
Manuel da Costa Medhi Benatia
|
Munir
Mohammed
|
The Talisman—Medhi Benatia 
An all-around good guy from France who decided to play for
his country of origin, he’s an athletic leader with a strong penchant for
calling the organizational shots. He wants it badly and will lead his lads
accordingly. Always wondered why he didn’t last longer for Bayern. Oh well.
Looking forward to seeing him in action again. “A Syndicate Classic—Morocco’s Lost
Tournament”
Editor’s
Retroactive Notes:
Crass as it is
passionate, the rant below is what it is. Recall that the last-minute refusal
of the Moroccan Football Association to host the 2015 African Cup of Nations
over unfounded racist fears that all Sub-Saharan Blacks were carrying the Ebola
Virus was crass in its own right.
They earned every bit
of my profane potty-mouthed ire. Sometimes one simply has to call out
ignorance, combating vile vulgarity with a bit of your own.
From CAN
2015—Geo-Syndicate Redux
Notable
Absences:
Morocco
These morons have not
only forfeited the right to host a great tournament, they’ve also deservedly
had their sorry asses booted out of CAF for the foreseeable future. What a
bunch of worthless pussies! Should we continue to refer to this side as the
“Atlas Lions” or simply redub them the “Atlas Cross-eyed Kitties”? Argh. Your
friendly bookie remains ‘fuchteufelswild”. I’m so furious I can’t even be
bothered to remember what the appropriate English translation of that Kraut
adjectival clause is! You goddamned filthy racist “sandni***rs”!! Hope your
hideous, disease-ridden camels give you all vicious saddle sores with a side of
testicular cancer! May Allah smite you ignoble trashy towelheads!! You can’t
back out of your contractual obligation to hold a competition just because
you’re a bunch of xenophobic, ignorant nitwits!
Nyaaaargh! DIE DIE
DIE!! Fuck you and all of your mothers….straight to hell with the whole damn
lot of….of…..of…..yawn. Okay, even a “Master of Spite” can tire of vitriol.
Time to calm down. Your friendly bookie has come a long way since he outright
refused to even devote more than a paragraph to the three predominantly Arab
North African countries competing in the 2013 African Cup of Nations. The
frustrating fact remains that a quality football team and a civically-minded
citizenry shouldn’t be robbed of a football festival simply because their
football administration is staffed with inbred fucktards of so-called “noble”
descent.
Sigh. It really wasn’t
supposed to be this way. Might as well label this the 123,984th step
backward for the once-promising “Arab Spring”. Moroccan denizens followed the
Tunisian lead back in 2011 and pressured King Mohammed VI into delegating more
governmental powers to a bicameral assembly. There wasn’t supposed to even be a
“Royal Moroccan Football Association” by this point, let alone one that made
stupid decisions on behalf of an aspiring public.
Furthermore, the Atlas
Lions could have given us a good show. They won me over with three entertaining
group stage matches in 2013. I was even looking forward to watching Maroune Chamakh
of Crystal Palace, Stoke’s Oussama Assaidi, and maybe even Marseilles’s
Abulaziz Barridi. No Karim El Ahmadi. No Younes Belhanda. No Mounir El
Hamdaoui.
The state of
Equatorial Guinea’s human rights record is atrocious, but what choice do we
have? Ghana and South Africa both refused to host the tournament after the
Moroccan request for a postponement was justifiably denied.
Ah shit. As is often
the case a genuine lover of African football finds himself remiss. What can one
do? I suppose it’s just time to watch some football. That’s what we do.
Vicey’s
Fearless Group Prediction (Straight Up Odds for bookie)
1)
Portugal 2)
Spain 3)
Morocco 4)
Iran
Overall
Championship Odds
Portugal (3 to 1) Spain (4 to 1) Morocco (25 to 1) Iran (50 to 1)
Round
of 16 Odds
Portugal (NO BETS) Spain (NO BETS) Morocco (3 to 1) Iran (6 to 1)
Quarterfinal
Odds
Portugal (NO BETS) Spain (Straight up) Morocco (8 to 1) Iran (12 to 1)
Semifinal
Odds
Portugal (Straight Up) Spain (Straight Up) Morocco (20 to 1) Iran (40 to 1)
