Saturday, June 18, 2016

EM 2016--Day Eight Recap

Your “Syndicate Hangover” is proudly presented by “Das Bier”

Image result for 1997 das bier das fest karlsruhe 
Only at Karlsruhe’s “Das Fest” can one buy beer bottles labeled “Das Bier”. Your friendly bookie does not often drink beer…but when he does, he prefers “Das Bier”. May we all meet again together under cerulean Southern German Skies. Bleib durstig, Kumpels!


Day 8: Recap

Record—

Spread: 5-16
Straight up: 8-7-6

Hot Girl Standings

Country
Tally
Games Played
France
26
2
Spain
20
2
Switzerland
19
2
Germany
19
2
Poland
18
2
Albania
18
2
Wales
18
2
Italy
16
2
Romania
15
2
England
13
2
Turkey
13
2
Russia
12
2
Sweden
12
2
Czech Republic
12
2
Slovakia
11
2
Northern Ireland
10
2
Austria
8
1
The Ukraine
7
2
Republic of Ireland
6
1
Croatia
5
2
Portugal
4
1
Iceland
4
1
Hungary
3
1
Belgium
3
1

Lot’s of football to cover, brothers. Now that your friendly bookie finds himself back on the saddle..with his trademark “saddlebags” forming underneath his eyes, let’s continue to “draw it up” for three countries.

Indeed we shall put America First, Yank bettors ; ) In typing those words in that particular order, I feel as if I should earn a living as an over-paid political consultant, sitting in my office composing meaningless platitudes all day.

Here’s how the lineups looked:

 LINEUP—USA (Match One)—4-3-3 

                           Clint Dempsey
         Bobby Wood             Gyasi Zardes            
      Jermaine Jones           Alejandro Bedoya
                        Michael Bradley
F. Johnson  J.A. Brooks G. Cameron D. Yedlin
                            Brad Guzan

 LINEUP—USA (Match Two)—4-3-2-1 

                      Clint Dempsey
        Bobby Wood            Gyasi Zardes
                     Michael Bradley
           Jermaine Jones    Alejandro Bedoya
  F. Johnson   J.A. Brooks  G. Cameron D. Yedlin
                           Brad Guzan

 LINEUP—USA (Match Three)—4-3-3 

                      Clint Dempsey
        Bobby Wood            Gyasi Zardes
               Jermaine Jones Alejandro Bedoya
                      Michael Bradley
  F. Johnson   J.A. Brooks  G. Cameron D. Yedlin
                           Brad Guzan

 LINEUP—USA (Match Four)—4-4-2 

            Clint Dempsey  Bobby Wood
              Gyasi Zardes  Alejandro Bedoya
     Michael  Bradley          Jermaine Jones
    Matt Besler                     Fabian Johnson             
            J.A. Brooks       G. Cameron
                         Brad Guzan

It looked as if Wood had been given the directive to play alongside Dempsey. Zardes and Fabian Johnson flipped flanks to compensate for the loss of Yedlin on the left. It seemed like Bradley and Jones got deputized to anchor midfield with Bedoya pushed up front. The Cross from Jones to set up Dempsey was glorious, though not as much as Dempsey’s finish. The Elder Statesmen continued with that perfect set up for Zardes in the 65th.

Plenty of praise for the defensive corps. Nevertheless, the Ecuadorian onslaught in the final 20 minutes of the match mean their grades are down a tick. Ten men or no, there’s no excuse for some of the lapses we witnessed.

Grades filed.

 GRADES—USA (Match One) 

Michael Bradley
A
Alejandro Bedoya
A
Gyasi Zardes
A
Bobby Wood
A-
Fabian Johnson
B+
John Anthony Brooks
B-
Graham Zusi
B-
Darlington Nagbe
B-
Brad Guzan
C+
Clint Dempsey
C
DeAndre Yedlin
C-
Jermaine Jones
D
Christian Pulisic
F

 GRADES—USA (Match Two) 

Jermaine Jones
A+
Clint Dempsey
A+
Bobby Wood
A+
Chris Wondolowski
A
Graham Zusi
A
Michael Bradley
A
Brad Guzan
B+
DeAndre Yedlin
B
John Anthony Brooks
B
Geoff Cameron
B-
Alejandro Bedoya
C+
Fabian Johnson
C+
Gyasi Zardes
C+
Kyle Beckerman
C+

 GRADES—USA (Match Three) 

John Anthony Brooks
A+
Clint Dempsey
A
Brad Guzan
A
Fabian Johnson
A-
Geoff Cameron
B
Graham Zusi
B
Alejandro Bedoya
B
Michael Bradley
B
Bobby Wood
B
Gyasi Zardes
B-
Jermaine Jones
C+
Michael Orozco
D
DeAndre Yedlin
F

 GRADES—USA (Match Four) 

Clint Dempsey
A+
Brad Guzan
A
Gyasi Zardes
A
Kyle Beckerman
A
Bobby Wood
A-
Fabian Johnson
A-
Jermaine Jones
B+
Michael Bradley
B
Matt Besler
B
Graham Zusi
C+
John Anthony Brooks
C+
Alejandro Bedoya
C
Geoff Cameron
D

Jones gets a B+ despite his red card. Perhaps he did the National Side a prescient favor by recusing himself from the upcoming proceedings and affording himself some rest. Grades for Fabian Johnson and John Anthony Brooks were slightly inflated based on some spectacular individual moments. Brooks and Cameron played well below their potential. Expect better next time.

Before getting to the Fatherland, we’ll spare some space to your friendly bookie’s adopted Three Lions. The Syndicate may not feature a single English Member, but we’ve still got to bang this out. My apologies to the one Welsh and two Northern Irish brothers whom I’ll always love dearly. Call it a fetish. It must be done. 

 LINEUP—England (Match One)—4-3-3 

                           Harry Kane
      Raheem Sterling            Adam Lallana            
      Wayne Rooney              Dele Alli
                             Eric Dier
Danny Rose Gary Cahill Chris Smalling Kyle Walker
                              Joe Hart

 LINEUP—England (Match Two)—4-3-3 

 Raheem Sterling    Harry Kane   Adam  Lallana
  Wayne Ronney                                Dele Alli         
                                  Eric Dier
Danny Rose                                      Kyle Walker
            Gary Cahill              Chris Smalling
                                  Joe Hart

Exact same starting eleven. Exact same formation.

Syndicate Members sometimes wonder why the spread looks so different. Utilizing the example above, I’m occasionally asked, “Why does the 4-3-3 look like a 4-1-2-2-1?” Understand that a formation constitutes a basic blueprint, while the spread represents the specific positioning directives that a player has been given/decides to take. A midfielder may serve as a “Pseudo-Striker.” A Right-Wing-Fullback may serve as a “Midfield Pusher”. A Midfielder may be directed to hang back and serve as a “Sweeper”.

Enough of the technical talk. Your friendly bookie doesn’t mean to induce headaches.

Let’s dole out the grades:

 GRADES—England (Match One) 

Eric Dier
A+
Wayne Rooney
A+
Dele Alli
A+
Harry Kane
A-
Adam Lallana
B+
Raheem Sterling
B
Garry Cahill
B
Chris Smalling
B
Danny Rose
B
Jack Wilshere
B-
Kyle Walker
B-
Joe Hart
C
  
  GRADES—England (Match Two) 

Jaime Vardy
A+
Daniel Sturridge
A+
Adam Lallana
A
Gary Cahill
A
Eric Dier
A
Marcus Rashford
A
Dele Alli
A-
Kyle Walker
B+
Danny Rose
B
Chris Smalling
B-
Wayne Rooney
B-
Raheem Sterling
C+
Harry Kane
C
Joe Hart
D

Can’t wait to see what Uncle Roy comes up with against Slovakia. The two second-half substitutes give us some inkling of the direction in which he’s leaning. The result today, however, virtually guarantees a place in the Knockouts. He may choose to rest some players or experiment.

The fetish continues. ; )

Here we go, Fatherland. Grit-inducing performance.

 LINEUP—Deutschland (Match One)—4-2-3-1 

                           Mario Götze
      Julian Draxler Meshut Özil  Thomas Müller                 
          Toni Kroos         Sami Khedira
        Jonas Hector            Benedikt Höwedes
            Shkodran Mustafi   Jerome Boateng
                          Manuel Neuer

 LINEUP—Deutschland (Match Two)—4-2-3-1 

                           Mario Götze
      Julian Draxler Meshut Özil  Thomas Müller                 
          Sami Khedira         Toni Kroos
        Jonas Hector            Benedikt Höwedes
            Matt Hummels  Jerome Boateng
                          Manuel Neuer

It looked like Khedira and Kroos switched sides…and it didn’t do a damn bit of good. Solid Performance from Hummels in his return.

 GRADES—Deutschland (Match One) 

Bastian Schweinsteiger
A+
Sami Khedira
A+
Toni Kroos
A
Manuel Neuer
A
Mario Götze
A
Shkrodan Mustafi
A
Juilan Draxler
B+
Benedict Höwedes
B
Jonas Hector
B
Jerome Boateng
B
Thomas Müller
B-
Meshut Özil
C+

  GRADES—Deutschland (Match Two) 

Manuel Neuer
A
Toni Kroos
A
Meshut Özil
A
Mats Hummels
A
Andre Schürrle
A
Thomas Müller
B
Sami Khedira
B-
Jonas Hector
B-
Julian Draxler
B-
Benedikt Höwedes
C+
Mario Götze
C
Jerome Boateng
C-
Mario Gomez
F

Tightly contested match. A draw was a fair result. No reason to panic. Every reason to ditch Mario Gomez unless he comes through as a “Super Sub”.

The unaddressed fixtures need to be condensed into single respective bullet points

--Gareth Bale’s presence needs to be mandated in every last international tournament henceforth. Two amazingly executed set-piece goals. He’s the man…with the “man-bun”

--Well done, Northern Ireland. That was one “hail” of a performance. Even if the second goal was more of a lucky bundle, you cats deserve to celebrate.

--Fucking Croats. The civilized world grows tired of you and your fucking flares. What the stone-firing-fuck is up with you Slavic primitives and your fucking flares? Seriously. It makes no sense. What possesses someone privileged enough to attend a major international football match to be the guy who suddenly thinks: “Hey…I’m gonna light something on fire and throw it!”

“Heh…heh…heh”
Image result for beavis fire small 
Even “Beavis and Butthead” never approached such stupidity.

Meet the Croats. A whole nation of stupid fucktards with limp one-inch penises.

Time for the re-post:

From EM 2012—Day Seven Recap:



“Ramble On, Vicey”---

EM 2012--Fuck you, you puerile tablecloth-clad fucktards. You’re useless. You Slavic sacks of shit! Nothing more than an embarrassment to football, yourselves, and the human race in general. Cart your smelly Slavic arses the hell out of this EM. You can get the fuck out of NATO, the UN, and any other civilized inter-governmental organization while you’re at it. Fuck your EU-Membership bid. You make the Greeks look responsible. You want to behave like a bunch of disorderly children?  Do it in own shitty, squalid, foul, and detestable homeland. You were guests of the Poles this week, just as you were guests of the Germans in 2006. Still you continue to throw your burning road flares onto the pitch. Do you also take a steaming shit on someone’s dinner table when they invite you over and cook for you? Wouldn’t put it past such detestable, disgusting savages such as yourselves. I’ve politely warned you enough times.

From the Preview Section:

“It should come as a surprise to no one that Blazer fans like to light things on fire. The torch of choice for the Beavi of Europe remains a protracted road flare, though some of the tamer ones will settle for cigarette lighters, candles, or smartphone apps.”

Image result for ugly croatian fans 
From Round One:

“I’m afraid I cannot allow you to advance out of this group. If I see one more of those road flares, I’m off to Baumarkt to buy a bulk pack, hopping the next train to Zagreb, and jamming a triplicate fistful of them directly up the anus of the first slothlike lardass wearing a checkered pattern I run into.”

What the Slav-stenching fuck is wrong with you morons? You ignore the appeals of your own players. You deny them an offensive counter as they disappeared into the smoke. You hold on to a ball shot into the stands, further depriving your boys of a chance to score a go-ahead goal. No more, Mr. Nice Kraut. You want road flares? I’m going to “invite” myself over to your country to burn every last one of your shitty hovels to the ground. Fuck you. Fuck your ancestors. Fuck your country. You should be invaded on general principle. You fuck yourselves in the ass. You piss on your own feet. FUCK CROATIA!!  NEVER JOIN US AGAIN!

--Well done, Wops. Discount win is discount. You still suck.

--La Furia Roja know how to really set fire to the pitch. Take lessons, Croats.

Image result for spain vs. turkey 










“Riffs of the Day”—Day Eight

 

Reader: You think you can get away with a piece-of-shit post?

Vicey: Hey…FUCK YOU! Fuck you and your mother! I won’t be so classless as to call this Syndicate Member out by number, but I will rightfully label him a “Stoner”. Here are my thoughts on the basic precept of “Stoner Logic”:

 “Everyone Else Fails Me”

“I sit on my ass smoking reefer every day. I carefully deliberate my own genius while carefully thinking about ways to manipulatively blame others for my failed station in life. I pick out every last flaw that others have and carefully cast aspersions on them in order to protect my own laziness. My laziness must be protected above all else.”

And you guys wonder why I won’t touch the shit.

DAY NINE—PREVIEW

Belgium vs. Republic of Ireland

  vs. 

Shocked at how little money has come in on the Irish. Many share my sentiments about the potential of the Belgians.

THE LINE: Belgium +1 Goal (rolling down soft from Belgium +2)

Iceland vs. Hungary

  vs. 

I gave away $120 for the initial error I made in setting the Round Two Lines. Good God. Your friendly bookie hasn’t made such a serious error since the infamous “False Set” way back in FEM 2013. My tired eyes read the wrong round.

That’s no excuse. Do not forgive yourself for perceived “minor mistakes”…or so my mathematician father taught me. ; ( ; ( 

THE LINE: Iceland +1 Goal (rolling up soft from a “pick”

Portugal vs. Austria

  vs. 

Zero action on this line. No one knows what to expect. Fair enough.

THE LINE: Portugal +1 Goal (holding)


GENTLEMEN, ENTER YOUR WAGERS