Your “Syndicate
Hangover” is proudly presented by “Das Bier”
Day 3: Recap
Record—
Spread: 3-4
Straight up: 5-0-2
Hot
Girl Standings
Country
|
Tally
|
Games Played
|
France
|
14
|
1
|
Germany
|
8
|
1
|
Switzerland
|
7
|
1
|
Albania
|
7
|
1
|
Germany
|
7
|
1
|
Wales
|
6
|
1
|
Turkey
|
6
|
1
|
Romania
|
5
|
1
|
Slovakia
|
4
|
1
|
England
|
4
|
1
|
Russia
|
3
|
1
|
Croatia
|
2
|
1
|
Ukraine
|
1
|
1
|
Northern Ireland
|
1
|
1
|
You know full well that your friendly bookie can’t wait to
“draw it up” for the Fatherland, but thanks to last night’s 4 a.m. transformer
blow up, he’s got “catch up work” to tend to first. He should also probably
stop referring to himself in the third person. Damn it. Hate it when that
inadvertently transpires ; (
It’ll have to wait.
It seemed confoundedly accursed when the electricity cut off
right at the beginning of my review of the Three Lions Fixture. My immediate
reaction was one of unholy rage. Thankfully, I remembered that the African
Syndicate Brothers have to deal with power/water outages every single goddamned
day of their lives….First World Problems. Americans and their “First World
Problems”. Hopefully they won’t be too preoccupied with their “First World
Problems” that they put a gelatinous blob of putrid ignorance in the White
House….but that’s another rant. ; )
Back to the wonderful diversion of International Unity known
as “Summer with Shadow Scholar Syndicate”. I liked what I saw from the Limeys
today. Rooney looked calm and in control in his new role as “Midfield Flight
Director”. What a stroke of brilliance from “Uncle Roy”! Solid debuts from
Lallana, Dele Ali, and Harry Kane. Good movement and combinations.
Yes, yes. I know I focused too much on the positives at the
same exact time two years ago. Everyone did. If you’re a true football fan, you
can’t help but cheer hard for the congenitally snake-bit Islanders. Watching
them blow it year after year is akin to watching the professor you always
admired most getting arrested for having a stash of Kiddie Porn on his
computer.
Of course, they went and blew it once again. Typical
England. Let’s hope it’s not prescient. Here’s how the lineup looked to me:
LINEUP—England
(Match One)—4-3-3
Harry Kane
|
Raheem Sterling Adam Lallana
|
Wayne Rooney Dele Alli
|
Eric Dier
|
Danny Rose Gary
Cahill Chris Smalling Kyle Walker
|
Joe Hart
|
How about that little set-piece masterpiece from
little-known Eric Dier? Uncle Roy can steal ethnic players just as well as Jögi
or Klinsi!
Here are the grades:
GRADES—England
(Match One)
Eric Dier
|
A+
|
Wayne Rooney
|
A+
|
Dele Alli
|
A+
|
Harry Kane
|
A-
|
Adam Lallana
|
B+
|
Raheem Sterling
|
B
|
Garry Cahill
|
B
|
Chris Smalling
|
B
|
Danny Rose
|
B
|
Jack Wilshere
|
B-
|
Kyle Walker
|
B-
|
Joe Hart
|
C
|
Keep it going, lads. The Welsh will cancel you out. Save
some legs for Slovakia.
“Mini-Rants on Today’s Matches”
--Faith Terim looks like he really worked Jenny Craig. Hell
with that meek statement…I’ll take a stand and make a sexual reference. It looks
as if he made passionate love to Jenny Craig every night and hit the treadmill
every morning. Thin, svelte, and set to lead. Wow. I’m impressed!
--Not only am I impressed with the “New & Improved”
Faith Terim, I’m also proud of the Croats for not throwing a flare on the pitch
after Luka Modric’s splendid goal. They celebrated with class. Given the
controversial violence that has already occurred during this tournament (more
on that below), we’ll take it. Thank you, Croats. Deeply appreciated.
---Bet you didn’t know that Northern Ireland also sings
along to “God Save the Queen”. No wonder Geo-Politics Junkies love what
Englanders sometimes still refer to as “The Colonies”. It’s one of the most
fascinating places in the world. For those who—once upon a time—dreamed of
studying Peace as an academic pursuit, there’s no better example. Peace in
Northern Ireland (mostly) since 1998. Amazing. Civilized nations can make it
happen. Don’t doubt us.
--Stop giving me shit
about the Poland match They deserved it.
Millik may not quite be the hero I was expecting, but he got it done.
We’ll “draw it up” for Deutschland tomorrow. Your friendly
bookie is too tired to do it tonight. Answering these riffs at up too much of
his energy. ; )
“Riffs
of the Day”—Day Three
Reader:
Vicey...you rant about Muslim violence, but what about the violence in
Marseille?
Vicey:
A pertinent question. Well thought out and submitted. Such a tactful and
observative question deserves a chivalrous retort.
Football
hooliganism is a fact of life. It happens. Fan Groups get together and booze it
up. After quaffing down their vats of “liquid courage”, they impulsively decide
that the tradition of trading “football chants” isn’t enough and then the
trouble starts. It may be hard to believe that a bunch of guys can behave like
a bunch of primitive animals, but that’s the folly of youth.
Your
friendly bookie really doesn’t want to discuss his current job. That’s not how
the Syndicate works. I will tell you that my work occasionally involves
witnessing a bunch of ultra-dumb Frat Guys getting far too drunk for their
pre-pubescent frames and behaving like a bunch of retarded chimpanzees. It
happens. It’s life.
A
crucial fact differentiates the drunken hooliganism occurring in the West from
the systemic sectarian suppression of dissent that occurs in the Muslim World:
The West covers it and cares about it. Anyone tuning in to ESPN’s Coverage of
Euro 2016 has to first listen to Mike Tirico or Bob Lee recount his detailed
report of every last skirmish that took place overnight.
In
my humble opinion, journalists should concentrate more on the daily crimes
perpetrated against women in Pakistan, or the daily hangings that take place in
Iran, or the fact that Saudi women can’t vote, drive cars, or be seen in public
outside their bee-keeper suits unless they’re in the presence of a male
relative.
A
single loss of life remains sad, and this bookie appreciates attempts by the
Western Media to report upon it. There’s your difference. We actually care. WE
actually give a shit. We report upon such things. YOU sweep them underneath
your prayer mat.
FUCK
YOU!! FUCK THIS NONSENSE!
FIGHT THE REAL ENEMIES!!!
Reader:
Love the shorter format. This is about all the Vice that I can stand!
Vicey:
Bwhahahahaha….and “Zing”…Syndicate Member 86-M
Reader:
Can’t get enough Michael Ballack. He’s the best-looking man in the ESPN Studio.
Vicey:
You forgot Abbie Wambach! That’s a very attractive man with a blonde
sweep-over.
Reader:
What about the mass-shooting in Orlando?
Vicey:
Will you people stop it?!? Just because your Smartphone alerted you to a news
story that you ordinarily wouldn’t care about, you suddenly feel the right to
be self-righteous and sanctimonious. You’re just a bunch of opportunistic
little fucktards. Good luck finding a job!
Spain vs. Czech Republic
vs. 
THE
LINE: Pick em’ (rolling down hard from Spain +2)
All these damn Spaniards and their money. Love you guys.
Republic of Ireland vs. Sweden
vs. 
THE
LINE: Sweden +1 Goal (holding)
Well done, Irish fans. You showed enough restraint to keep
it real.
Belgium vs. Italy
vs. 
THE
LINE: Italy +2 Goals (rolling up hard from ‘Pick em’)
Stupid…..but I wish you all the best. I firmly believe that
my “wop friends” are better than my “wop landlord”
