EM 2016--Day Fifteen Recap

Your “Syndicate Hangover” is proudly presented by “Das Bier”

 

Only at Karlsruhe’s “Das Fest” can one buy beer bottles labeled “Das Bier”. Your friendly bookie does not often drink beer…but when he does, he prefers “Das Bier”. May we all meet again together under cerulean Southern German Skies. Bleib durstig, Kumpels!

Day 15: Recap

Record—

Spread: 15-27

Straight up: 22-11-9

Hot Girl Standings

Country	Tally	Games Played
France	42	4
Republic of Ireland	35	4 (finished)
Croatia	33	4 (finished)
Poland	32	4
Switzerland	31	4 (finished)
Spain	31	3
Germany	30	4
Wales	29	4
Northern Ireland	28	4 (finished)
Italy	25	3
Slovakia	25	4 (finished)
Belgium	24	4
Hungary	24	4 (finished)
Turkey	24	3 (finished)
Iceland	23	3
Albania	23	3 (finished)
Romania	21	3 (finished)
Austria	19	3 (finished)
England	19	3
Sweden	18	3 (finished)
Russia	16	3 (finished)
Czech Republic	16	3 (finished)
Portugal	15	4
The Ukraine	11	3 (finished)

“Auf geht’s Deutschland!”

“Auf geht’s Deutschland!”

 

Bravo, Jungs! Wir stehen auf eure Seite!

Und wir holen den Sieg mit euch!

Und wir holen den Sieg mit euch!

JEZT GEHT'S LOS!!!

Yu-Chu!! The Nationalmannschaft is up and running. My Jungs just turned in a marvelous performance. Brilliant movement and fantastic tempo for the full 90 minutes. A dominant match from my glorious Fatherland in every respect. The Jögi Bären are getting into gear at precisely the right time. Look out Europe. Here come the World Champions. Here come the favorites, perfectly set up to capture their fourth European Star.

“Auf geht’s Jungs!”

“Wir fahren nach Berlin!”

Oh to be home at a time like this. All across the Fatherland, everyone’s out “taking her for a spin”. The car-horns, drums, bicycle bells, chants, and yells won’t relent until early in the morning. Everyone’s partying….except me. ; (

*Sniff*

Your friendly bookie REALLY misses Europe. It makes him so melancholic to think he won’t be returning there anytime soon. Were I on the other side of the pond at this precise moment, I’d be  cruising around the Willy-Brandt Alle with the top down pounding my car horn and ceaselessly screaming Deutschland. I’d have a couple cute girls in the back seat waving flags and blowing kisses. At present I’m all alone in an empty house dealing with a very vocal cat who keeps beseeching me to get off the keyboard and feed him.

 

…..

….

Dammit. A piece that opened with such elation suddenly took quite the morose turn. This may well turn out to be most bi-polar post in the history of the Syndicate…and that’s actually saying something. Mixed emotions reign. Watching the sublime skills of Draxler, Neuer, Poldi, and “Brignschuld Baby Boateng” constituted the highlight of my Summer. On the other hand, I’ll remain melancholic about my long-term exile from my beloved homeland. This are the first Euros since 2004 that I haven’t spent at least some of the tournament in good-ol-Europe.

*Sob*

I MISS MY FATHERLAND! Why, oh why, did every last force have to conspire against me during my last sojourn? Oh well. Sometimes you just can’t be with the one you love. Crosby, Stills, and Nash remind one to “love the one you’re with”. As it so happens, I love my Syndicate brothers even more than the Fatherland. Thanks to you, this has been a very special day indeed.

My sincerest gratitude to all of you for re-connecting with me today. I treasured every last text, phone call, and riff-laden e-mail. Today worked out well. We all got together and caught up. We recaptured the true meaning of the Syndicate. We’re also not done, ye. Argentina vs. Chile in the Copa America Centenario tonight! I took a well-deserved day off work; my first non-holiday day away for almost a year! I’ve already had the privilege of touching base with almost half of you. Let’s shot for the full 100 percent!

SHADOW SCHOLAR SYNDICATE!

YOU’LL NEVER WATCH ALONE!

Let’s “draw it up” for the Fatherland.

 LINEUP—Deutschland (Match One)—4-2-3-1 

Mario Götze

Julian Draxler Meshut Özil  Thomas Müller

Toni Kroos         Sami Khedira

Jonas Hector            Benedikt Höwedes

Shkodran Mustafi   Jerome Boateng

Manuel Neuer

 LINEUP—Deutschland (Match Two)—4-2-3-1 

Mario Götze

Julian Draxler Meshut Özil  Thomas Müller

Sami Khedira         Toni Kroos

Jonas Hector            Benedikt Höwedes

Matt Hummels  Jerome Boateng

Manuel Neuer

 LINEUP—Deutschland (Match Three)—4-2-3-1 

Mario Gomez

Mario Götze Thomas Müller Meshut Özil

Toni Kroos   Sami Khedira

Jonas Hector            Joshua Kimmich

Matt Hummels  Jerome Boateng

Manuel Neuer

  LINEUP—Deutschland (Match Four)—4-5-1 

Mario Gomez

Julian Draxler Meshut Özil Thomas Müller

Toni Kroos   Sami Khedira

Jonas Hector            Joshua Kimmich

Matt Hummels  Jerome Boateng

Manuel Neuer

Absolute brilliance from Jögi. How did he know to slot in Julian Draxler on that left side? Was it dumb luck? This bookie says, “HELL NO”! He clearly did his homework and calculated that the speedy slick VfL Wolfsburg man would tear it up against the weak Slovak left. Presumably Götze could have exploited that pourous gap too, but it was long-past time to give the hungry Draxler an opportunity to introduce himself to the world. Quite the awakening from the 22-year-old kid. Kudos to him. German-o-philes have been eagerly anticipating this inevitable breakthrough for quite sometime. It was not a question of if, but when.

 

I love how he moved Özil off the flank and into the middle. A tall, strong “True #9” like Mario Gomez almost inadvertently makes the player directly beneath him better by drawing so many of the opposing markers towards him. What better player to start behind him than Deutchland’s mighty “Assist-Meister”. Some wonderful technical skill in the air from Özil today. He executed some insanely beautiful lob passes…even if his effort from the spot was uglier than a coal-miner’s daughter. One drawback of moving Müller to the flanks is that it makes it more difficult to get him involved in an unnatural position. We really need to get Müller going. He hasn’t scored a European goal yet despite his unrivalled record in the two WMs.

Decent deputization of the “Flight Director” position from Toni Kroos. He’s still no Schweine Khedira did his part to pitch in, though I’d rather see him on the left. Schweine and Poldi looked fantastic in relief. They threw in prefect crosses, demonstrating just how masterful they are at utilizing the wideth of the pitch. My Mannschaft is incredibly deep. We’ve got great options in the Kader and plenty of players who can alter the flow of match as “Super Subs”.

Good movement up front from fullbacks Joshua Kimmich and Jonas Hector. They’re nowhere near as tenacious as Phillip Lahm when it comes to skirting forward to make things happen…but that’s because we’re comparing them to Phillip Lahm! They did a serviceable job. It would appear that Höwedes has lost his spot. He was the only sub that didn’t interject extra energy into today’s ferociously adamant attack.

Loved everything I witnessed today. I’ll love it even more if Löw bucks the trend and selects an unconventional starting eleven against a much harder quarterfinal opponent. Things won’t go as smoothly against either Italy or Spain. Schweine appears to be fully fit. Poldi looked fierce and flawless as fuck. I’d like to see them both in my recommended starting side.

 LINEUP—Deutschland (Match Five)—PROJECTED—4-2-3-1 

Mario Gomez

Julian Draxler Meshut Özil Lucas Podolski

Thomas Müller

Bastian Schweinsteiger

J. Hector  M. Hummels  J. Boateng J. Kimmich

Manuel Neuer

Doubt we’ll see this on Saturday, but let a guy dream. I’ll provide an updated projection once I learn who the Quarterfinal Opponent shall be. That makes a huge difference.

Here are the grades. Plenty of high marks from Professor Pete.

 GRADES—Deutschland (Match One) 

Bastian Schweinsteiger	A+
Sami Khedira	A+
Toni Kroos	A
Manuel Neuer	A
Mario Götze	A
Shkrodan Mustafi	A
Juilan Draxler	B+
Benedict Höwedes	B
Jonas Hector	B
Jerome Boateng	B
Thomas Müller	B-
Meshut Özil	C+

  GRADES—Deutschland (Match Two) 

Manuel Neuer	A
Toni Kroos	A
Meshut Özil	A
Mats Hummels	A
Andre Schürrle	A
Thomas Müller	B
Sami Khedira	B-
Jonas Hector	B-
Julian Draxler	B-
Benedikt Höwedes	C+
Mario Götze	C
Jerome Boateng	C-
Mario Gomez	F

 GRADES—Deutschland (Match Three) 

Mario Gomez	A
Thomas Müller	A
Meshut Özil	A-
Toni Kroos	A-
Manuel Neuer	A-
Joshua Kimmich	B+
Jonas Hector	B
Jerome Boateng	B
Andre Schürrle	B
Sami Khedira	C+
Benedikt Höwedes	C+
Mats Hummels	C
Bastian Schweinsteiger	C
Mario Götze	C

 GRADES—Deutschland (Match Four) 

Julian Draxler	A+
Manuel Neuer	A+
Jerome Boateng	A+
Mario Gomez	A+
Lucas Podolski	A+
Bastian Schweinsteiger	A
Meshut Özil	A-
Toni Kroos	B+
Sami Khedira	B
Jonas Hector	B
Joshua Kimmich	B
Thomas Müller	B-
Mats Hummels	B-
Benedikt Höwedes	C+

I may have work-related nightmares every night, but I lose zero sleep over the goalkeeping situation on my Nationalmannschaft. Manuel Neuer remains a gorilla between those pipes. He had another monster day today. He may very be the most athletic keeper ever.  I’m secretly hoping to face Italy in the Quarters so that Die Nationalelf can pummel five past Gianluigi Buffon whilst Neuer keeps another clean sheet. Don’t talk to me about goalkeeping legends, Azzuri. We have one. You have an old dude with a nice chin.

 

Kroos and Khedira did just fine. I’ll be happy to see them start come Saturday, though Kroos might be more effective on the right. We really have to get Müller going. It’s just that the center is too full. Congratulations to “Bringschuld Baby Boateng” on his FIRST international goal!!

Great job all around. This one could have easily finished 6-nil.

Some additional thoughts on today:

--Your friendly bookie had much to say on ESPN’s early proclivity to focus on the meaningless hooliganism that always accompanies such tournaments. All is forgiven after watching today’s coverage. These lucky bastards are sitting on the banks of the Seine delivering quality football analysis and giving me lovely B-Roll Shots of Parisians having impromptu riverside wine and cheese picnics!

Dammit. I really miss Europe. When can I go home? I wanna have an impromptu wine and cheese picnic on the Pointe Alexander Bridge! You guys are living MY life…and I’m insanely jealous.

Damn you to hell!

Okay…sorry for the pettiness. I’m actually glad you guys FINALLY decided to enjoy Paris. You finally decided to relax. Hope to join you soon.

--So much talk centers around “awakenings”. Teams seem to take their time to round themselves into form.

“Germany took their time to get up and running”

“Belgium took their time to get up and running”

“France still needs to get up and running”

That’s a consequence of a diluted 24-team-field. It has its disadvantages. My colleagues can attest that I’ve been bitching about the fact that there are too many teams in this tournament…and that there’s a competing pan-American tournament to boot.

I think we should all dispense with such criticism. Your friendly bookie complaining about not having enough time to watch football is ultimately just insipid. The languid tempo of some of the opening matches must be forgiven. We got some great surprises out of the extended group phase. It’s true that the Round of 16 will yield fewer surprises. It’s also true that the larger countries took advantage of the format and spent the early matches on “cruise control”.

 

We should all still back the expansion of Europe, particularly in light of the fact that we just lost the U.K. ; ) 

Keep expanding, Europe. Spread the wings of peace and prosperity!

--Fantastic team effort from Belgium. Eden Hazard finally tallied after a long 700-minute-spell of high-pressure-expectation. Lukaku, Mertens, and De Bruyne generated fabulous opportunities. Nice to see them finally live up to their potential. The Welsh have their work cut out for them, though it won’t be nearly as easy for the Red Devils of Antwerp come Friday.

--I know that you’re disappointed, Irish fans. I’ve a “pick-me-up” for you. Your incredible rendition of “The Soldier’s Song” in Lyon today was by far the best choral singing of this tournament. You executed another flawless melody when it came time to rally around your defeated National Side. Way to make beautiful music, laddies! You did great!  

“Riffs of the Day”—Day Fifteen

 

Reader: I can’t watch that Jon bon Jovi commercial anymore, Vicey.

Vicey: I feel you, brother 31-M. Viewing these tournaments on American TV can be brutal. Advertisers buy massive bulk packages that are scheduled to air five or six times during the pre-game coverage. American advertisers aren’t used to buying slots for football matches. They can’t take the idea that their advertisement won’t be viewed for a full uninterrupted 45 minutes. They prefer American Football; a sport that mandates a commercial break every five minutes. Thus, they insist on a “package deal”.

What really sticks in this bookie’s craw is the prolonged preponderance of the Progressive Auto Insurance Commercials. Hasn’t Flo outlived her usefulness at this point? For fuck’s sake, she’s been invading our screens for over a decade now. Does her continued presence convince even one single forlorn soul to buy car insurance at this point? The “Taster’s Choice Couple” and the “Country Crock Tandem” have already gotten divorced and been through multiple Cocaine Rehabs by now.

I’m glad she still has a job….but  I’m not fucking buying her car insurance. I don’t want your fucking car insurance! I can get reasonably priced car insurance from numerous local providers. I don’t need a Gecko, a Caveman, or a woman in a nurse’s outfit to sell me car insurance. Why is this STILL happening?!?!

Reader: Shane Long took a dive!

Vicey: Incorrect. He may be guilty of employing the classic Italian “Clever Play”, but he did not dive. He felt Paul Pogba breathing down his neck, then adroitly positioned himself so that the charging Pogba would run into him. Yes, he didn’t play the ball. Yes, he was somewhat theatrical in his fall. NO..it was NOT a dive. Irishmen don’t dive…or so I’ve chosen to believe.

Reader: So which one of your little server girls get’s to win the “Vice Sweepstakes” and go to Europe with you? 

Vicey: Goddammit, woman. You are just AWFUL! Cynical Cunt! It wouldn’t officially be Summer if Syndicate Membress 2-F didn’t check in with her acerbic, acidic tongue. From the moment her tongue ceased to prove physically useful to me, she’s been sending me these cut-you-to-pieces riffs every Summer for the past six years. She’s worse than my mother. ; ) ; )

FYI, Woman: I treat my employees with respect and keep my distance. If anyone stands a chance of winning the “Vice Sweepstakes”, it’s you. Watch out, bitch. I won’t be gentle ; ) ; ) 

Reader: Well fuck. Some German guy on the African team in blue just scored against my Irish.

Vicey: Griezmann is actually from Macon. He’s NOT Alsatian, though he grew up close to the border. I don’t know why he has a German surname. Perhaps his family moved or his grandfather was a Swiss Solider. In any event, he’s a little mini-Ribery. Bookie likes…for the most part.

Syndicate Member 88-M suggested that Shane Long took a dive today (see above). I disagree. Griezmann was the one who took a dive. Shane Duffy didn’t even come close to clipping him.  

DAY SIXTEEN—PREVIEW

Italy vs. Spain

  vs. 

A crying shame that the luck of the draw pitted these two heavyweights against one another so early. Most teams have taken advantage of the new 24-team-format to experiment a bit and slowly gel/evolve. By all means, these two countries should have been accorded the same privilege.

Thus far, the “Round of 16” has made easy work of handicapping. Your friendly bookies stands undefeated. This one proves more problematic.

The “Philly Wop” Contingent did their job, rolling and ultimately flipping this line. No more bets. I’ve made enough bank already.  

THE LINE: Italy +1 Goal

(rolling down HARD and FLIPPING from Spain +1)

(Betting Closed)

England vs. Iceland

 vs.  

Given the events that transpired over the weekend, the geo-political connotations of this fixture are frankly fucking ridiculous. One of these countries wishes to leave Europe. They other one wishes to enter. Meanwhile, we’ve got a European Championship Football match to play. Should the Lions lose, we’ll need to integrate Iceland posthaste.

THE LINE: England +3 Goals

(rolling up HARD from England +1)

(Betting Closed)