Your “Syndicate
Hangover” is proudly presented by “Das Bier”
Day 6: Recap
Record—
Spread: 4-11
Straight up: 7-3-5
Hot
Girl Standings
|
Country
|
Tally
|
Games Played
|
|
France
|
26
|
2
|
|
Switzerland
|
19
|
2
|
|
Albania
|
18
|
2
|
|
Romania
|
15
|
2
|
|
Spain
|
12
|
1
|
|
Russia
|
12
|
2
|
|
Slovakia
|
11
|
2
|
|
Germany
|
8
|
1
|
|
Austria
|
8
|
1
|
|
Italy
|
7
|
1
|
|
Republic of Ireland
|
6
|
1
|
|
Sweden
|
6
|
1
|
|
Wales
|
6
|
1
|
|
Turkey
|
6
|
1
|
|
Poland
|
6
|
1
|
|
Czech Republic
|
4
|
1
|
|
England
|
4
|
1
|
|
Portugal
|
4
|
1
|
|
Iceland
|
4
|
1
|
|
Hungary
|
3
|
1
|
|
Belgium
|
3
|
1
|
|
Croatia
|
2
|
1
|
|
The Ukraine
|
1
|
1
|
|
Northern Ireland
|
1
|
1
|
Your friendly bookie knows what you want….what you need.
Let’s rock the Copa America QUARTEFINAL LINES. Win or go home, USA.
Copa
America Centenaurio—Quarterfinal Lines
Thursday, June 16th
USA vs. Ecuador
vs. 
You can do it…and you don’t need DeaAndre Yedlin! Your
friendly bookie finds himself firmly in the black, so I’ll happily debut a low
line.
Remain aware that that this shall not be an easy task.
THE
LINE: USA+1 Goal
Friday, June 17th
Peru vs. Columbia
vs. 
How about the Peruvians claiming that Brazilian Scalp? What
a Sensational upset! The clock still strikes Midnight on Cinderella come Friday
in New Jersey.
THE
LINE: Columbia +2 Goals
Saturday, June 18th
Argentina vs. Venezuela
vs. 
Not looking so hot for the COMNEBOL Creoles. Too much talent
on the other side. I consider this Line a lowball.
THE
LINE: Argentina +2 Goals
Mexico vs. Chile
vs. 
Let’s keep things fun and maintain a “pick”. Nothing much
between these two sides. Looking forward to a great match!
THE
LINE: Pick em’
GENTLEMEN,
ENTER YOUR WAGERS
Thoughts on today’s matches:
--Textbook stuff from Vladamir Weiss, taking a great first
touch and shifting his weight properly to finish with a bending flourish. Long
live football. Have to give crdit to Hamsik as well for that thunderbolt.
Gorgeous stuff.
--Loved the back-and-forth between Max Bretos and Alejandro
Moreno during the Switzerland vs. Romania Match today. Been in love with these
guys since the 2013 Confederations Cup in Brazil. They’re a stronger commentary
team than anything Fox Sports One currently has to offer. Here’s hoping they
jump ship over the next 24 months.
--What an audacious lineup selection from Didier Deschamps!
Leaving Pogba and Griezmann on the bench, then subbing their hard-done-by legs
in to make a difference. Nail-biting excitement over at Marseille. Loved it.
Absolutely loved it!
“Riffs
of the Day”—Day Six
Reader:
Vice…I’m concerned that the Slovakian Starting Lineup doesn’t have enough arm
tattoage.
Vicey:
(laughing uncontrollably)
Well
done 36-M. I couldn’t agree more. Some of those footballers are still showing
skin. We can’t have that! They’re running the risk of not looking thuggish
enough. When it comes to tattoos…nothing beats the rant from the “FEM 2013
Semifinals”. If you’re reading this one for the first time, at least attempt to
give this unfamiliar writer the benefit of the doubt. I wrote so many
syrupy-sweet pieces on the topic of diverse feminine beauty of the course of
that Summer….all en route to the conclusion that beauty was ultimately in the
eye of the beholder and that all girls deserve to feel pretty.
….
There
were still pieces like this:
From FEM 2013—Semifinals:
There are plenty more, but time
constraints force me to come to the topic of Leni Laursen Kaurin and the
controversial issue of trashy female tattoos.
It breaks down like this, ladies: I’m
not necessarily against ink. Art is, after all, a highly subjective matter. I’m
personally not interested in putting garbage bumper stickers on this Porsche,
but your body remains your prerogative. We’ve all seen some cool full and half
sleeves in our day. All of the truly intricate designs have a story behind
them….even if I’m not interested in hearing them and would rather finish my
beer, go home, and fuck like rabbits.
Here’s the thing: You’re NOT unique.
That “feminine awakening” trip you took to the head shop on your eighteenth
birthday doesn’t make you a “firework”. You’re not special. Practically every
girl of your generation did precisely the same thing. They probably even got
the same fucking tattoo. Nearly NINETY PERCENT of female tattoos fall into the
following categories:
1) The “Tramp Stamp”
Might as well get the most obvious one
out of the way first. It’s patently absurd how many girls have a set of Angel
Wings on the small of their back. Presumably, this serves to remind you how
seraphic they are whilst you ravish them from behind. So it’s one of the most
sensual parts of the female body? Fair enough. I can think of an even more sensual
place and I’d very much appreciate being able to enjoy it without having to
look down at a faded butterfly above your ass crack. Thank you.
2) The “Pelvic Rose”
The second most common one. It’s either
a rose, a set of initials, a crucifix, a heart, a Chinese/Japanese character, a
set of thorns, a clover, a bird, a skull, a gun…..oh WHO GIVES A SHIT? Why am I
supposed to give a shit? If you’re in your panties, I a’int looking at your
pelvis. I don’t give two fucks about your pelvis. Your pelvis can go take a
running jump. I’ve got work to do.
3) The “Snake”
The “Snake” is never finished, is it
guys? Don’t ask a girl about her snake. She’s still got some shading to do. She
still has to extend it from her left armpit down to her right calf. Perhaps she’ll
have enough money to get the copperhead on her neck shortly before her 80th
birthday. By the time she’s finished telling you about it, you’ve closed down
the bar and have no more interest in going home with her. You’ve wasted a
perfectly good evening listening to a girl talk about her snake. Another day
closer to death ;(;(
4) The “Elbow/Back Star”
When confronted with this one, consider
it a public service to remind the girl that the Russian Mafia would have raped
her to death by now. Just let her know.
5) The “Forearm/Upper Breast Cursive
Initials”
Best to let this one go. Even guys
can’t resist the goddamned initials. Nothing lasts forever….but it’s best not
to remind people of that.
6) The “Angelina Jolie Paragraph
Tattoo”
This one’s a dealbreaker. NO!! This has
to stop, women. STOP IT! I’m glad you’re reading, but now you’re just
DELIBERATELY trying to make yourselves boring. The odds are stacked against you
to begin with. Guys will tire of you, usually within about 3-6 months. Old and
New. So works the primordial male mind. How dumb can you get, girls? You’re
essentially sabotaging yourselves by giving the guy THE SAME thing to read
every time you get naked. You’ve turned your body into a Dentist’s Office. How
novel and adventurous can one make one’s sex life when it always involves the
same Corinthians passage?!?!
Okay. To be fair, there are surely
enough guys out there who would be happy to know that every time they undress
their loves, they can reliably expect to be greeted by an incisive quote from
Paul’s letters to the Galatians. I’m not one of those guys. You’re free to
consider me a tad eccentric, but I can’t bear the thought of reading the
same….thing….every night….over…..and over…..and over again until oblivion
claims me. You can’t do that to me! That’s hell. Making love to the SAME
Dickens Excerpt, the SAME Bartlett’s Platitude, the SAME Aesop Fable, the SAME
Maya Angelou Poem Poem, the SAME FUCKING Grocery list EVERY GODDAMNED NIGHT for
FORTY FUCKING YEARS!?!
No fucking way.
I’m certainly not the only voracious
reader out there. Many eyes automatically deviate towards text. Don’t make us
read the same thing more than five times. For that matter, don’t make us DO the
same thing more than five times. It’s torture. There’s absolutely no text that
one can tattoo on one’s body that will end up proving enlightening or useful
some day.
Weeellllll. There might be one slight
caveat:
Reading
through this again, I realize I’ll to compose an update at some point. That
list stands incomplete. There’s also the “Child’s name on Wrist”, “R.I.P
ex-Boyfriend over left shoulder”, the “Bible-Quote Sidebar”, “The Archimedes
Spiral down the Forearm”, and “Ethnic/Religious Symbol on Right Foot”.
Oh
man…it’s just that I assumed the purpose of these things was to be unique. In
any event, don’t mean to be a curmudgeon. Ink it up, Ladies!
Reader:
Is Shaqiri really a Kosovar?
Vicey:
No…not really. He’s a dumb kid first and foremost. Not the best time to wager
on them getting out of the group.
Reader:
Michael Ballack is the only Kraut who gets it wrong more than you.
Vicey:
Bwahahahahah…And “Zing” 33-M!
DAY SEVEN—PREVIEW
England vs. Wales
vs. 
Basically even money coming in on both sides. Your friendly
bookie has little choice but to keep it a pick and forfeit any potential
profit.
THE
LINE: Pick em’ (holding)
The Ukraine vs. Northern Ireland
vs. 
Another line that holds. Most members have the wherewithal
to stay away from the sentimental choice. Fair enough.
THE
LINE: The Ukraine +1 Goal (holding)
Deutschland vs. Poland
vs. 
Thanks for the “vote of confidence”, brothers. ; ) I look
forward to making a mint tomorrow…at least striking it off as an entertaining
wash.
THE
LINE: Die Nationalmannschaft +2 Goals (betting closed)
GENTLEMEN,
ENTER YOUR WAGERS
