Introduction—“The Quintessential ‘Free-For-All’”
Or… “The Closest we’ll get to a ‘Group of Death’”
(Belgium, Italy, Sweden, Ireland)
A 24-Team-Field dilutes the tournament…but that’s a
different rant for a different day. We’ve more important matters to discuss.
Congratulations to the USMNT on their fabulous victory tonight!! WE DID IT!
Your friendly bookie feels comfortable using the plural personal possessive
pronoun ‘we’ for the first time. It’s my team too!! Klinsi and his beloved
Kraut Kids finally got around to an unequivocal “lightning strike”. That’s the
way to do it, boys. To be clear: Should Klinsi’s USA square off against Germany
anytime soon, it’s obligatory that I cheer for the Fatherland. That won’t be
happening this Summer. USA! USA! USA!
Long-term U.S. Fans
know what I mean when I declare it time to “draw it up”:
We’ll now “draw it up” for all the vindicated USA Fans
LINEUP—USA
(Match One)—4-3-3
Clint Dempsey
|
Bobby Wood Gyasi Zardes
|
Jermaine Jones Alejandro Bedoya
|
Michael Bradley
|
F. Johnson J.A. Brooks G. Cameron D. Yedlin
|
Brad Guzan
|
LINEUP—USA
(Match Two)—4-3-2-1
Clint Dempsey
|
Bobby Wood Gyasi Zardes
|
Michael Bradley
|
Jermaine Jones Alejandro Bedoya
|
F. Johnson
J.A. Brooks G. Cameron D.
Yedlin
|
Brad Guzan
|
GRADES—USA
(Match One)
Michael Bradley
|
A
|
Alejandro Bedoya
|
A
|
Gyasi Zardes
|
A
|
Bobby Wood
|
A-
|
Fabian Johnson
|
B+
|
John Anthony Brooks
|
B-
|
Graham Zusi
|
B-
|
Darlington Nagbe
|
B-
|
Brad Guzan
|
C+
|
Clint Dempsey
|
C
|
DeAndre Yedlin
|
C-
|
Jermaine Jones
|
D
|
Christian Pulisic
|
F
|
GRADES—USA
(Match Two)
Jermaine Jones
|
A+
|
Clint Dempsey
|
A+
|
Bobby Wood
|
A+
|
Chris Wondolowski
|
A
|
Graham Zusi
|
A
|
Michael Bradley
|
A
|
Brad Guzan
|
B+
|
DeAndre Yedlin
|
B
|
John Anthony Brooks
|
B
|
Geoff Cameron
|
B-
|
Alejandro Bedoya
|
C+
|
Fabian Johnson
|
C+
|
Gyasi Zardes
|
C+
|
Kyle Beckerman
|
C+
|
Back to Europe, Gentlemen.
Belgium—“Les Diables Rouges”
As augured in the pages of this very Syndicate two years
ago, Belgium’s “Golden Generation” has matured right on schedule. Those who
only follow Summer Football may be surprised to learn that they’ve quietly and
steadily crept up the FIFA Rankings, now breathing down the necks of the
Argentines at the #2 Spot. Belgium? Number Two in the World. The Red Devils of
Antwerp? Really?!?. Yes, really. Believe it. By the way, U.S. Fans. Stop
feeling despondent about your performance against the Columbian Coffee Growers.
They’re Number Three! The footballing times have a-changed drastically in 24
short months.
The performance of this team in the 2014 WM alerted all
football watchers to the fact that something special was brewing. They clearly
weren’t quite ready for prime time back then, but several budding stars
appeared on the cusp of breaking. Eden Hazard, still very much touted at the
time, couldn’t get his ideas to sync with his feet. Chelsea fans will argue
that he’s still having such problems, but he has glistened for the National
Side over this past qualifying qualifying. Kevin de Bruyne, at that time
playing for VFL Wolfsburg, really broke through during that tournament. One
just knew he would eventually land a huge transfer to a Premiership side and
bedazzle us with his mad skills.
Romelu Lukaku, Divock Origi, and Christian Benteke have all
progressed as players for their club teams, improving significantly right on
schedule. Note that your friendly bookie just covered five strikers…and this
team has three more: Dries Mertens, Yannick Carrasco, and Michy Batshuayi. A
team with EIGHT strikers? Never heard of such a thing. Axel Witsel, Moussa
Dembele, and Marouane Fellaini can play up front too. ELEVEN world-class
top-flight capable strikers. WHAT?!
The attacking options on this team are absurd; historically
so. They’ll carpet bomb every other team in this group. Wilmots could probably
get away with investing five inebriated-minutes selecting his eleven. An
embarrassment of riches means that he could probably stick Barney Frank at
Center-Forward they would still run up a 4-nil victory.
De Duivels will demolish every last competitor in this group
with reckless abandon They’ll storm out of the gate like drunk scot hooligans
mugging ginned-up old men in peaceful meadows. Then what? Will they have the
stamina to attain the Final? Fair question. Lombaerts and Vermaelen are still
serviceable center-backs. White Hart Lane teammates JanVertongen and Toby
Alderweireld just completed one of those “buddy cop” seasons for Spurs. They
worked together better than BOTH Riggs and Murdoch AND Tango and Cash. Your
friendly bookie stands by Thibault Courtouis. He’s a solid keep, no matter what
happened at Stamford Bridge this season.
Expect some high lines, Syndicate Members. Take advantage of
my infatuation if you must. They’ll get to the Semis at least.
Projecting the Belgian Lineup (4-3-3)
Divock Origi
|
Eden Hazard Dries Mertens
|
Kevin De Bruyne
|
Marouane Fellaini Romelu
Lukaku
|
J. Vertongen N. Lombaerts T. Vermaelen T.
Alderweireld
|
Thibault Courtois
|
The Talisman—Kevin de Bruyne
£58 Million. Why not? He’ll prove worth it. England is the
right place for him. His mother grew up in the London Suburbs. Vicent Kompany
was available to take him under his wing and show him around. Your friendly
bookie avers that Premiership Fans will be hearing quite a lot about de Bruyne
in the years to come. He’ll like spearhead Pep Guardiola’s Championship Side
next season. Since his sensational transfer, he’s really lit it up in the
League Cup and Champion’s League. Precisely what City needs. Look for him to
parlay his impressive Premiership Debut into an impressive tournament in the
coming days. A historic career awaits therafter.
“A Syndicate Classic—Belgium”
From WM 2002—“The Humble Beginnings of a Syndicate”:
Belgium
Though this team has
attained the title of “Red Devils”, I prefer to call them the “Brussels
Sprouts”. Beyond Brugge and Anderslecht, there exists no perceptible reason to
give two shits about Belgium football…let alone the country itself. Douglas
Adams once bleatingly fictionalized an instance in which Belgium was the most
obscene intergalactic insult. Good for him. I cannot expect to top that.
Editor’s
retroactive notes:
Reading
the notes on the past four countries, memories surface of the dank LSU computer
lab, smelling faintly of removed asbestos. This young writer was desperately
pushing the pedal to the floor, unequipped to deal with the reality that he was
running out of gas. As I recall, he began to wonder what he was doing typing up
something that no one would ever read. His thoughts turned to his youth,
feasibly better spent getting high and laid. Against all odds he produced some
farsighted and judicious words about Belgium; the current world record holder
for longest period after elections that a coalition was actually formed. Eight
fucking months. Iraq occupies second place with seven. Have we some idea of how
futile this state is?
Italy—“The Azzurri”
Can we be civil about this, Italianos? Of course we can’t ;
) Not a chance. You know full well that your spiteful bookie needs to get in
his lines like “Dastardly Dagos”, “Floppin Wops”, and “Greasy Guinea Goombas”.
It’s all part of our Summer Tradition. I antagonize you. You place your wagers.
At the end of the day, one of us ends up eating crow. It’s oh so much fun. We
broke even in 2002. I smacked you back into a corner in 2004. You punched back
in 2006, leaving me dazed and unconscious on the canvas. I snuck in a late
sucker punch in 2008. I walloped you with a Haymaker in 2010. You smacked the
shit out of me in 2012. I got up and got in a few jabs back in 2014, before
delivering a mammoth upper-cut. Where will this fourteen-year-long Epic Bout of
Pugilism lead us next? Hopefully back to the Südstadt, where we can share a
much deserved post-round drink.
I’ll indulge you with a bit of talk about the post-Prandelli
Era and some of the accompanying changes. Antonio Conte was a good choice. He
cleansed the squad of Balotelli, Claudio Marchisio, and Riccardo Montolivo. I
also really like the idea of putting Graziano Pelle behind Ciro Immobile. I
suppose the decision to retain Thaigo Motto, Danielle de Rossi, and Emmanuelle
Giaccherini makes sense in the final analysis. Interested to take a look at
Lorenzo and Simone Zaza.
Serious cause for concern at the back. Bonnucci and Barzagli
leave the entire right side exposed. Gianluigi Buffon maintains his place
between the posts, mostly because there wasn’t another candidate who came
remotely close to challenging him. All of this talk about his legendary status
notwithstanding, is anyone confident that he still has the mobility to withstand
the Belgian onslaught?
Relax, Philly Contingent. You’ll make the Knockouts. Right
here and right now I’ll submit my prognostication: I don’t see you making it
past the quarters.
Projecting the Dago Lineup (4-3-3)
Ciro Immobile
|
Stephan El
Shaaraway Graziano Pelle
|
E. Giaccherini
|
Ricardo Montolivo Daniele De Rossi
|
M. De Sciglio G.
Chiellini L. Bonucci A. Barzagli
|
Gianluigi Buffon
|
The Talisman—Stephan El Shaaraway 
Italians normally don’t do immigrants. They may well be the least welcoming and least inclusive society in all of Western/Northern Europe. Though such cultural sectarianism stems from a confluence of complex reason, your friendly bookie wishes to focus on the topic of cuisine for a brief moment. Immigrants often assimilate themselves into foreign societies through the much-appreciated production of ethnic food. Check out your friendly bookie’s “Ode to Döner Kebabs” in the previous section should you crave a mini-thesis. Italians already have a well-established culinary culture. They literally worship prosciutto for fuck’s sake. Perhaps that’s one reason why it’s so hard for transplants like Mario Balotelli to break through, and why we’re so fascinated with them.
Balotelli will not be partaking in this Summer’s
Festivities. Instead, the “Italian Immigrant Watch” centers around Egyptian
Stephan El Shaarawy. He broke through for AC Milan in 2013, played for Italy in
the 2013 Confederations Cup, and appeared destined for the National Side until
injuries sidelined him for 2014. Great to have him back. Italians need
diversity worse than your friendly bookie needs indescribable sexual favors.
His passion might lead to a beast of a tournament. Let’s hope he gets a chance
to be the hero, just like Balotelli did in 2012.
“A Syndicate Classic—Italy”
From WM 2014—Day Thirteen Recap:
Oh….don’t you even think about whining! Perish the
thought. I don’t want to hear it. Your Dagos played a tremendously shitty
match, about as bad a match as I’ve seen anyone play. No hustle from Pirlo.
Genuinely stupid play from Balotelli. Immobile was even worse. De Sciglio,
Verratti, and Bonnucci played like complete garbage. No, I don’t care if the
Marchisio sending off was harsh, the Godin goal was soft, and Luis Suarez
entered the “Tyson Zone”
I DON’T CARE!!
I’ve got your money and I won it FAIR AND SQUARE! You
deserved to lose last night. You can whine, cry, and throw a puerile “Chielleni-hissy-fit”.
Go ahead and give me a dramatic tantrum. Scream “Mamma Mia!” to the heavens and
show me your bite mark. Roll around on the ground like a true “floppin Wop”.
Writhe in pain and screech for succor.
YOU SUCKED!
YOU’RE HEADED HOME!
YOUR MONEY IS MINE!!
Alright. Alright. We’ll dispense with our usual playful
banter and get to work analyzing what happened. It wasn’t the greatest night
for this half-Wop either. I was prepared to celebrate in the Südstadt with all
my beloved “Germana”, but there was to be no party on this particular eve.
We’ll begin with….what else? All anyone wants to talk about this morning is
Luis Suarez’s “Macgruff Maneuver”
Did he bite Chielleni? You friendly bookie has no choice
but to remind you that he is certainly no Luis Suarez fan.
From WM 2014—Group D Preview
We’ve recently discovered that
Premiership player of the year (and all around Uruguayan douchebag) Luis Suarez
underwent arthroscopic knee surgery last week. It’s been a grueling season over
at Anfield and the Liverpool man has played through a great deal of pain. The
procedure is described as “minimally invasive” with recovery times ranging
between two and four weeks.
…..
Love the country, hate the team. My
favorite periodical, “The Economist” named Uruguay 2013’s “Country of the
Year”…for good reason. This bookie was extolling the virtues of recent
political developments in Uruguay as far back as August. Below you’ll find some
of my thoughts on Jose Mujica, written during last autumn’s qualifying campaign.
If only I didn’t want to repeatedly punch Luis Suarez in the face.
…..
The
Talisman—Luis Suarez
He’s a douche. His flagrant handball sent the poor Black
Stars home early in 2010. Even if he was adequately penalized, he remained on
the pitch to celebrate and made obnoxious remarks afterward. He earned a
completely justified suspension for despicable racist remarks made against
Patrice Evra. Again, punishment was meted out fairly. It wouldn’t have been so
bad if Suarez hadn’t refused to shake Evra’s hand his first game back. What
more could you ask for? The “international asshole”. He dives. He whines. He
pouts. He’s also the Premiership Player of the Year. Here’s some samples:
In addition to these better-publicized incidents, Suarez
has twice been suspended for biting players. He received a seven-match-ban in
2010 when playing for Ajax after biting PSV midfielder Otman Bakkal. Three
years later, when playing for Liverpool, he bit the arm of Chelsea’s Branislav
Ivanovic. That incident earned him a ten-match-ban.
He’s taunted David Moises. He’s punched other players in
the face. He’s flagrantly cheated again, again, and again. So then….an
"open and shut case"? Not quite. Admittedly, I was hopping mad
alongside my Azzuri “half-brothers” when the collision took place. You’re
looking at an actual photo taken with my i-phone that documents the audience
reaction to the purported bite. Your friendly bookie was waving and shouting
too. Of course Suarez was guilty. He’s ALWAYS GUILTY!!
Not so fast. I’ve reviewed the tape and the contact
actually looks incidental. If Suarez intended to bite Chielleni, why is he
holding his teeth afterwards? It just looks like a freak-accident. Having given
this a great deal of thought, I’m coming around to Uruguayan coach Oscar
Tabarez’s position. What the fuck was that Theaterstück from Chielleni all
about? Typical poor sportsmanship from the Italians. When not the better team,
they flail their arms about and look to influence the officiating. Man up,
fratello!
I still can’t stand Suarez and the K.O. Round is never
the same without those “Forza Italia” Chants. Whatever happened, you can’t deny
that you just got out-played. You had your destiny in your hands and you blew
it; blew it big-time. More Italy Analysis to come in the “Goodbyes Section”. It
is arrivederci, after all…and I’m afraid it’s deserved.
Italy—“The Azzuri”
-3 Games Played
-2 Goals Scored
-39 Hot Girls
Oh my beloved dark-haired beauties. What am I to do with
you? I want nothing more than to take you in my arms and assure you that
everything will be all right. So you didn’t get out of the group. No need for
tears. Vicey will……wait a second. We’ve been here before. The same thing
happened back in 2010. It was only four years ago that your friendly bookie
found himself consoling luscious Italian Girls!!
From WM 2010—Day Ten Recap
So
many sullen Italian girls in the audience today LL Che peccatto pollastretta! L L All of these lonely, melancholy
Italian beauties brushing their lovely dark hair away from their piercing dark
eyes so as to place a delicate finger on a dour check and exclaim to the
heavens “Trageda!!” I know, I know, my little despairing pricipessa. Fa
tanto male, più che puoi immaginarti! Please don’t give up hope my sweet
alluring darlings. Andrà tutto per il meglio!
British play-by-play announcer Ian
Darke was certainly doing his best to sell us their suffering. I count five
times that the camera focused in on a group of despondent Italian stunners and
Darke practically pleaded with us:
“I say, it doesn’t look as if these
lasses are very chirpy this afternoon.”
Gentlemen, our mission is clear! We
must come to the rescue of these poor forlorn Italian hotties. We must take
them back to our place, light a few well-placed candles, open that bottle of Vercelli
Nebbiolo we’ve been saving and put Eros Ramazotti on the stereo. As the light
from the candles’ fades, the wine takes its semi-spiritual effect, and Eros
launches into “Musica e”, we must tenderly caress these depressed divas and
softly whisper in their ear that, yes, the Azzuri will qualify for the round of
16!
And you wonder why I root for Italy to
lose!
By the way, I can’t have you guys
spreading the word that I speak a little Italian. That’s not cool. Keep it on
the D.L. Treat it as the “First and Second Rule of Fight Club”. Trust me. It’s
the right thing to do. You may say, “Vicey, but you just put it in writing!”.
That doesn’t matter. Only a few hundred people read this blog. I don’t want it
to grow. Then I’ll have to pay traffic fees. Likewise, I don’t want random
women to know about my linguistic proclivities. That’s another headache. We
keep it tight, brothers!! Versprochen!
Massive overhaul time for the Azzuri,
who treated us to what was surely the most fucked up postgame press conference
in all of football history. Head coach Cesare Prandelli did a commendable job
rebuilding the Dastardly Dagos after the debacle that was their 2010 South
African Campaign. He took them all the way to the Euro 2012 Championship match
via a stunning upset of my Krauts. Moreover, his lineup selection for last
night’s game was spot on. It wasn’t his fault that Immobile turned out to be
such a bust, that Pirlo didn’t even attempt to run off the ball, that Marchisio
and Balotelli opted to play so stupidly, and that De Sciglio, Bonnucci, and
Verrati stunk it up so badly.
All of that notwithstanding, Prandelli
announced his resignation. When pressed as to why he accepted the resignation
of a still well-regarded trainer, FIGC President Giancarlo Abete declared that
he very much wanted Prandelli to stay on, but he himself would be resigning.
Bam. Bam. The ship is left rudderless. Time for a total housecleaning.
Wow. Where do we go from here? That’s a
wrap for Andrea Pirlo, who turns in his cleats after scoring 13 Goals in 112
international caps. Keeper Gianluigi Buffon is even older, but shows no signs
of slowing down at the age of 36. He played marvelously last night. The only A+
on the Azzuri pitch. We might see him yet again at Euro 2016. A 38-year-old
keeper? Why not? He’s only a keeper, after all.
Thiago Motta, Antonio Cassano, and
Andrea Barzagli are likely all finished. We’ve probably seen the last of some
of the elders that Prandelli left off this squad too. No more Alessandro
Diamanti, Alberto Gilhardino, or Federico Balzaretti. The future of the attack
belongs to either Immobile or Balotelli. I utilize “either/or” in this
instance, as they clearly can’t play together. Last night evidenced that. Both
are ball hogs who try to do too much on their own. There can be only one.
Nothing much doing in the Italian Youth
System. There’s Palermo forward Andrea Belotti and Cittadella defender
Cristinao Biraghi. That’s about it. It will thus be the new coach’s task to
somehow build a team around either Balotelli or Immobile. Veterans Claudio
Marchiso, Alberto Aquilani, and Danielle De Rossi will return to captain the
midfield. The defense is anyone’s guess, but we can expect it to be fairly
green.
Whoever assumes the helm will have two
years to build an attack-oriented formation that possibly features only three
defenders. No easy task, but two full years is a long enough time to get it
accomplished. Good luck with that. We’ll see you in France.
Sweden—“The Blaugults”
Didn’t expect to see them this soon. The post mortem after
Euro 2012 was bleaker than one of those German “Vergangenheitsbewältigung”
Films from the early Seventies. This bookie saw no future for this team. A
complete rebuilding process had to commence. Ibrahimovic somehow found a way to
interject one of his trademark moments of magic into an exciting stalemate
against the Danes in the Qualifying Playoffs…and here they are. Schön.
The prospects of them making it out of the group aren’t
exactly stellar, but every side stands a chance in a 24-team-tournament. Ibrahimovic,
Källstrom, Granqvist, and Isaksson can carry them through. I’m more interested
in taking a look at Ludwig Augustinsson, Victor Linelöf, and Oscar Hijemark.
For Old Time’s sake, Sebastian Larsson deserves to go out on
a high note. Make the Round of 16, Blaugults. We’ll have a spot of fun watching
the moldy oldies fight to the last man, and get an alluring preview of what the
2018 side will look like.
If the Bosnian could favor us with one last gangly-legged
stretch goal, that would be cool too.
Projecting the Swedish Lineup (4-1-4-1)
Marcus Berg
|
Zlatan Ibrahimovic
|
Jimmy Durmaz Kim
Källström Sebastian Larsson
|
Pontus Wernloom
|
M. Olsson E. Johansson M. Lustig
A. Granqvist
|
Andreas Isaksson
|
The Talisman—Zlatan Ibrahimovic “A Syndicate Classic—Sweden”
From EM 2004—Round Three
Sweden vs. Denmark
vs. 
The above quip tells you everything you need to know. These two oft-excluded countries are signatories to a covert pact. I’m so cocksure about an inevitable draw that I’ll wager my sizeable porn collection on it. For those with easy access to a dictionary, go ahead and look up the word “cocksure”. It’s defined as “Completely and somewhat arrogantly confident and certain of one’s own mind” Sneak that term into your next paper. Sprinkle it into your everyday conversations. Next time someone asks you if you’re sure, reply, “I’m cocksure, motherfucker”.
Well. I suppose that counts as my good deed for the day.
Always nice to edify the people Let’s talk a bit about the friendly derby that
will be the furthest thing from competitive. The Swedes will miss Everton
midfielder Tobias Linderoth, but should be still be able to comfortably engineer
some forward momentum that either Larsson or Ibrihimovic will deftly finish.
Once the Swedes secure an early lead, their offensive package will be pulled
relatively early in the interest of sparing their legs. Then it will be either
Rommedahl, Jorgenson, or Dahl Thomason’s turn to equalize to effectuate their
rest cure. Some other role players or young subs may swap a goal or two, but
the result will one that benefits both sides. Draw the match and prepare for
the quarterfinals.
THE LINE: Pick em’
Editor’s retroactive notes:
RESULT: Denmark 2, Sweden 2. In spite
of the perfectly picked line, the script played out very differently. The match
was competitive right up to the final whistle. With a large chunk of change on
the line, I found myself glued to the screen and Jan Dahl Thomason brace twice
pushed the Swedes and my pocketbook to the brink. After Sorenson fucked royally
by dragging down Larson for a patently numbskull penalty, he cost the Danes
first place in the group by making a hash of a Wilhelmsson cross in the 89th
minute. Mattie’s Johnson pounced on the rebound and emphatically drove it into
the back of net. I leapt to my feet, let out a guttural yell, and broke into a
ludicrous hot dog dance. Once I explained to everyone at the office that the
Euros were taking place all was forgiven and everyone understood why I was
typing more furiously than usual J
The Republic of Ireland—“The Boys in
Green”
It’ll be a short-lived reunion for those of us who can’t get
enough of the Paddies. There really isn’t much sense in betting on a team
coached by Martin O’Neill. Though the relegation of the clubs he coached in the
Premiership weren’t entirely his fault, he does shoulder some blame for taking
way too long to give up on ineffective players. The same could be said of your
friendly bookie ; ( He’s fully guilty of the same crime.
Robbie Keane captains the squad in spite of the fact that
he’s in semi-retirement playing in the MLS. The highly effective Shane Long
backs him. Wes Hoolahan, John O’Shea, Seamus Coleman, Aiden McGeady, and
Jonathan Walters still have some juice left…but I’m NOT getting talked into
backing this team again.
NO!! It’s NOT happening. I lost too much money back in 2012.
“Paddy Power” is a myth; one that we all wish to talk ourselves into. Our love
of the color and culture completely skews our judgment. Our quixotic desire to
see them succeed screws us over. I’m done with you, Irish. You won’t screw me
over this year.
They’ll finish dead last.
Projecting the Irish Lineup (4-4-2)
Robbie Keane Shane Long
|
Aiden McGeady James McCarthy
|
Wes Hoolahan Robbie Brady
|
Stephen Ward John O’Shea
|
Seamus Coleman Stephen Ward
|
Shay Given
|
The Talisman—Robbie Keane
“A Syndicate Classic—Ireland”
From WMQ 2009--"Syndicate Afterlife":
Ireland v. France
vs. 
The “luck of the draw” pits two of my favorite teams against one another. I’ve paced around on this one. I’ve smoked two cigarettes at once. I’ve gone back and forth more than Tim McCarver after the game. On the one hand, a WM without the French is like a Bachelor Party without hookers. We simply must have our Henry, Gallas, Gouvou, Anelka, Riberry, Benzema, Evra, Abidal….I could prattle on all night! I’m also deeply concerned about the staff at “France Telecom”. France already tops the global suicide rate list. In the past three months, 23 employees have decided that corporate restructuring is too much for them and hurled themselves out the window! How horrible! Imagine what will happen if France loses, the Peugeot Factories close down, Germans stop purchasing plots for nuclear waste, and no French citizen can download pirated music anymore. I don’t want blood on my hands!
On the other hand, I have such deep
affection for my Irishmen. The French will always have the number 1 suicide
rate. “Life is Shit” ought to be the French motto. They wear depression like a
red badge of courage. As for the disgruntled office workers….give them a
35-hour workweek and they still take their own lives! There is simply no saving
some people. Sorry froggy, but I have to stand behind the boys. Conceivably, my
support of the Irish is buttressed by one crucial longing: I DO NOT WANT
GIOVANI TRAPATONNI TO GO AWAY!!!! The “Flasche leer” coach must be part of this
WM!
If you don’t know who Giovanni
Trapatonni is, allow me to introduce you to the best German poet since Heine.
We call him “Flasche leer” to commemorate the time he described his Bayern
Munich squad as having played like “empty bottles”. This man has been
desecrating the German language for so long he makes my old roommate Niko look
like Friedrich fucking Schiller. Yes, yes. I know. 98% of syndicate members do
not speak German. It is not my intention to show off. Rather, I wish to enthuse
ALL English speakers of the opportunity to witness this man destroy the English
language! His audacity when trying to speak a foreign language is so marvelous.
Now that he is the coach of the Irish team, the possibilities are endless. I
promise you won’t regret it! Here are some of the greatest hits
< http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXsJSTkfZd8>
Trapatonni talks smack against the French. You will DIE laughing at this one.
< http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnYBX3e5CgA&feature=related>
Trapatonni goes nuts on Bayern! The infamous “Flasche Leer” Press Conference!
Spanish subtitles provided!
< http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bqp64q7kHmw>
A wonderful compilation of Trapatonni. English subtitles provided!
< http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6yC0UtFarc&feature=related>
Here he is after Ireland’s defeat to Serbia!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyhZb7552SQ&feature=related
The infamous Bayern Press Conference, with complete English subtitles!
The five clips I’ve posted comprise
roughly 1/200th of the Trapatonni Collection I am presently
assembling on You Tube. I trust these samples are enough to get most of you on
board. We need the Insane Italian Maestro to be part of our WM! Without him, we
are mere “empty bottles”
THE LINE: IRELAND+1 Goal (on aggregate)
Vicey’s
Fearless Group Prediction (Straight Up Odds for bookie)
1)
Belgium 2)
Italy 3)
Sweden 4)
Ireland
Overall
Championship Odds
Belgium
(2 to 1) Italy
(5 to 1) Sweden
(10 to 1) Ireland
(43 to 1)
Round
of 16 Odds
Belgium
(NO BETS) Italy
(Straight up) Sweden
(4 to 1) Ireland
(12 to 1)
Quarterfinal
Odds
Belgium
(NO BETS) Italy
(2 to 1) Sweden
(8 to 1)
Ireland
(20 to 1)
Semifinal
Odds
Belgium
(Straight Up) Italy
(4 to 1) Sweden
(10 to 1) Ireland
(25 to 1)
