Grüße Syndicate Members,
Our Summer Festival appears headed for a most entertaining
climax. Great football awaits us all over the course of the next four days. The
Poles have finally been invited to the prom, where the sel-annointed King looks
to spoil their evening. My Fatherland faces our natural Azzuri Rivals, who took
us out on our home soil back in 2006 AND Balotelli-Bitchslapped us back in the
2012 Semi-final. The sheer intensity of that forthcoming epic encounter cannot
be conveyed in the limited space here. Check the Group Stage Previews if you
need a refresher. Suffice to say that I’ll be taking the day off work to remain
in constant contact with the Syndicate’s Wop Contingent. It’s necessitous. The
sole remaining representatives from the much-loved British Isles run straight
into a Behemoth Belgium Squad just hitting their stride. Cinderella lives! Can
the Volcanic Vulcans manage to outwit a confused host-side that cannot field a
coherent lineup?
We’ll all find out soon enough. Important to note at this
juncture that we’ll all find out TOGETHER. The ever-razor-sharp Syndicate
Member 56-M checked in to ask when I’ll be updating the Douglas Adams Quote
that adorns this simple blog. Difficult to come up with anything resembling a
retort. That quote, from “So Long and thanks for all the Fish” continues to
accurately summarize how I feel about this project. Fourteen years and
thousands of pages in, I’m still not entirely sure what “The Syndicate” is. ; )
While your friendly bookie can’t exactly furnish a serviceable definition, he
knows that we’re together, we’re watching football, and we’re catching up with
each other.
“Friends & Football”
If you don’t understand it, you may very well be right…but
you’re still WRONG.
There is no “Business Model” for you to comprehend. It’s a
bunch of mates gambling on football. As I used to put it in my disclaimer:
All lines are calculated personally by
your friendly bookie Vicey…..the “not so easy” rider. The correspondence that
follows is, as always, crafted with sincere amity for those who appreciate
sharp wit and an extra spot of fun in their day. Should you prefer solemnity,
drama, and conflict… kindly return to your coupon clipping.
Time to rank the dearly deaparted.
16th Place-Hungary
As much as we all loved the Magical Run of the Magical
Magyars, it’s time to candidly admit that we never took a team backstopped by a
forty-year-old in sweatpants all that seriously. Their thorough demolition by
the Belgians was entirely expected. We’ll nevertheless focus on some of the
positives we witnessed. Dzsudzak’s captaincy was textbook “lionhearted
leadership”. Steiber and Kleinheisler have surely earned themselves new
contracts.
Over the course of a Summer during which I’ve found myself
distracted by more trivial matters, I find myself wishing I had the chance to
examine this team more closely. The Road to 2018 shall prove a difficult one
indeed. The Magyars are drawn against the Portuguese and Swiss in a tough
qualifying group. Hungarian fans need to root for the Poles to upset the
Navigators and hope that Cristiano Ronaldo follows the lead of Ibrahimovic and
Messi. Should CR7 quit the National Team, their qualification is virtually
assured.
15th Place-Slovakia
I don’t mean to be curt. Hamsik and Weiss had a great
tournament. Even Skrtel managed not to fuck things up too badly. Kozak’s
lineup’s were expertly selected. They deserved better than the
Kraut-disemboweling that they received. It was honestly great to see them
again, even if Hamsik’s Mohawk proved an irritating eyesore.
It was damned disappointing to witness my sad prophesy about
Pekarik come true. The “Fighting Repre” will rebound and regroup. They’ve been
drawn in the easiest 2018 UEFA Qualifying Group. We’ll see them in Russia.
Looking forward to it.
14th Place-Republic of Ireland
Expected to write this Eulogy much sooner. They did well. We
Hoolahan, Glen Whelan, Robbie Keane, Shay Given, Jonathan Walters and John
O’Shea may be done…but so what? Shane Long, Shane Duffy, Robbie Clark, and Ciaran Clark will all
return. Get rid of Martin O’Neill and we’re still in business!
The Irish square off against the Serbs, Austrians, and Welsh
in a Cake-walk of a qualifying group. Fans of the “Boys in Green” will be
afforded an opportunity to drink and sing in two years time.
13th Place-Croatia
As much shit as I’ve given the Croats for their unruly fan
behavior, I’ll be happy to take the Blazing Blazers back. I’d love to see Mario
Mandzukic back for one last hurrah. I don't’ want Luka Modric, Ivan Rakitic, or
Ivan Perisic to go away. Pjac and Jedvaj are more than welcome to come back
too.
They’ll likely qualify for the 2018 festivities. See you in
two years time, mates.
12th Place-Switzerland
Bring back Ottmar Hitzfeld…or at least get your Albanians
rounded up. Following his spectacular finish, Shaqiri is likely finished
whining about his Kosovar captaincy. Xhaka, Behrami, Seferovic, and Fernandes
put in their fair effort as well.
“La Nati” will return…bigger and better. This team will
continue to compete. Mark your friendly bookie’s words.
11th
Place- Northern Ireland
They’ll always have Georgie Best and the unfettered love of
Geo-Politics Junkies like myself. ; ) We won’t be seeing the “Nord Iron” again
anytime soon. They’re drawn in a qualifying group with my Krauts, the revamped
Czechs, and some promising Norwegians. I wish Stephen Davis a pleasant
retirement…in an ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS Belfast mostly free of Sectarian Violence
for almost two decades.
Kudos, brothers. You already shocked the world. You’ve
nothing more to prove to us on the pitch.
10th Place- Spain
The two-time defending champions are no more. Vicente del
Bosque will likely resign in the coming days and a new era will commence.
Spaniards may take solace in how much progress their National Team has made
since 2008. Before La Roja captured the European Crown, the proud diversity of
Spanish Regions threatened to tear the country apart. Though the Catalans
persist in their quest for more autonomy, two European Championships and a World
Cup did their part in reducing separatist violence and engendering better
diplomacy on the Iberian Peninsula. Should the Portuguese succeed in taking
Europe, many Spaniards will celebrate alongside their Iberian brothers…and all
will be well.
Thank goodness Iker Casillas, Andres Iniesta, David Silva,
and Cesc Fabregas are set to retire ; )
9th Place-England
Okay. Fine. You really want me to “draw it up” for the
non-European Losers? I’ll draw it up for you.
LINEUP—England
(Match One)—4-3-3 |
Harry Kane
|
|
Raheem
Sterling Adam Lallana
|
|
Wayne
Rooney Dele Alli
|
|
Eric Dier
|
|
Danny Rose Gary Cahill Chris Smalling Kyle Walker
|
|
Joe Hart
|
LINEUP—England
(Match Two)—4-3-3 |
Raheem
Sterling Harry Kane Adam
Lallana
|
|
Wayne
Ronney
Dele Alli
|
|
Eric Dier
|
|
Danny Rose Kyle
Walker
|
|
Gary Cahill Chris
Smalling
|
|
Joe Hart
|
LINEUP—England
(Match Three)—4-3-2-1 |
Jaime Vardy
|
|
Daniel
Sturridge Adam Lallana
|
|
Jack
Wilshere Eric Dier Jordan
Henderson
|
|
Ryan Bertrand Nathaniel
Clyne
|
|
Gary Cahill Chris
Smalling
|
|
Joe Hart
|
LINEUP—England
(Match Four)—4-3-3 |
Harry Kane
|
|
Raheem
Sterling Daniel
Sturridge
|
|
Wayne
Rooney Dele Alli
|
|
Eric Dier
|
|
K. Walker G.
Cahill C. Smalling D. Rose
|
|
Joe Hart
|
Shit on top of crap. What a terrible selection. Way to
humiliate you country by keeping Lallana on the bench, flipping Danny Rose, and
starting Raheem Sterling. Horrendous display from Rooney, Walker, AND Joe Hart.
That’s it for “Uncle Roy”. He’s finished. Too many experiments. No way that
just happened. The Three Lions disgraced football.
Period.
GRADES—England
(Match One) |
Eric Dier
|
A+
|
|
Wayne Rooney
|
A+
|
|
Dele Alli
|
A+
|
|
Harry Kane
|
A-
|
|
Adam Lallana
|
B+
|
|
Raheem Sterling
|
B
|
|
Garry Cahill
|
B
|
|
Chris Smalling
|
B
|
|
Danny Rose
|
B
|
|
Jack Wilshere
|
B-
|
|
Kyle Walker
|
B-
|
|
Joe Hart
|
C
|
GRADES—England
(Match Two) |
Jaime Vardy
|
A+
|
|
Daniel Sturridge
|
A+
|
|
Adam Lallana
|
A
|
|
Gary Cahill
|
A
|
|
Eric Dier
|
A
|
|
Marcus Rashford
|
A
|
|
Dele Alli
|
A-
|
|
Kyle Walker
|
B+
|
|
Danny Rose
|
B
|
|
Chris Smalling
|
B-
|
|
Wayne Rooney
|
B-
|
|
Raheem Sterling
|
C+
|
|
Harry Kane
|
C
|
|
Joe Hart
|
D
|
GRADES—England
(Match Three) |
Jaime Vardy
|
A
|
|
Jordan Henderson
|
A
|
|
Adam Lallana
|
A
|
|
Daniel Sturridge
|
B+
|
|
Wayne Rooney
|
B
|
|
Dele Alli
|
B
|
|
Harry Kane
|
B
|
|
Eric Dier
|
B-
|
|
Joe Hart
|
B-
|
|
Jack Wilshere
|
C
|
|
Nathaniel Clyne
|
C
|
|
Chris Smalling
|
C
|
|
Ryan Bertrand
|
C-
|
|
Gary Cahill
|
D-
|
GRADES—England
(Match Four) |
Jaime Vardy
|
A-
|
|
Jack Wilshere
|
A-
|
|
Marcus Rashford
|
B
|
|
Eric Dier
|
B-
|
|
Chris Smalling
|
C+
|
|
Dele Alli
|
C
|
|
Daniel Sturridge
|
C
|
|
Kyle Walker
|
C-
|
|
Danny Rose
|
C-
|
|
Harry Kane
|
D+
|
|
Wayne Rooney
|
F
|
|
Raheem Sterling
|
F
|
|
Joe Hart
|
F
|
Excrement. Futile fucking turds dropped into a toilet bowl.
I’m personally embarrassed to be a fan of England. I’m beyond ashamed. It sucks
being a fan of diarrheic excrement. Way to blow it, lads.
Why does a country with so much talent keep stumbling?
Because England always loses. Enter the Graphic!
THURSDAY, JUNE 30th
Poland vs. Portugal
vs. 
Impressed by the emergence of Joao Mario. He’ll do a fine
job feeding Eder and Nani. The Eagles maintain a fighting chance should they be
clever enough to deploy Lewandowsi and Milik together up front, but it won’t be
enough. A C. Ronaldo Set-Piece should prove all it takes to overcome the
stalemate…if there even is one. There just isn’t enough creativity on the
White/Red side of the equation.
Projected
Lineups:
“Bialo
Czerwoni”—(4-4-2) |
Robert
Lewandowski Arkadiusz Milik
|
|
J.
Blaszczykowski K.
Grosicki
|
|
K. Mczynski G. Krychowiak
|
|
A.
Jedrzejczyk L. Piszczek
|
|
M. Pazdan
K. Glik
|
|
Wojciech Szczesny
|
“The
Navigators” (4-4-2) |
C. Ronaldo Nani
|
|
A. Gomez Eder
|
|
Joao Moutinho Joao Mario
|
|
Elisieu Vieirinha
|
|
R. Carvalho Pepe
|
|
Rui Patricio
|
Prop
Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own)
Over/Under— 2 Goals
120 Minutes—Straight Up
Penalty Shootout—2 to 1
THE
LINE: Portugal +1 Goal
FRIDAY, July 1st—
Wales vs. Belgium
vs. 
The Welsh 5-3-2 works…provided Aaron Ramsey is able to work
through his noticeable arm-injury from the previous round. I’d set this line
higher if I had more information. For now, I’ll tip Belgium in a slaughter. The
loss of the midfield captain will prove too much. De Rode Duivels are heating
up and playing as one. A porous defense means that the floodgates are unhinged.
Projected
Lineups:
“The
Cyd Dragons”—(5-3-2) |
Gareth Bale
Sam Vokes
|
|
Neil Taylor Robson-Kanu
|
|
Aaron Ramsey
|
|
Ben
Davies Joe Ledley
|
|
James Chester
Joe Allen Chris Gunter
|
|
Wayne Hennessey
|
“Les
Diables Rouges” (4-2-1-3) |
Romelu Lukaku
|
|
Eden Hazard Dries Mertens
|
|
Kevin De Bruyne
|
|
Axel Witsel R. Nainggolan
|
|
J. Vertonghen J. Lukaku T. Alderweireld T. Meunier
|
|
Thibault Courtois
|
Prop
Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own)
Over/Under— 3 Goals
120 Minutes—Straight Up
Penalty Shootout—3 to 1
THE
LINE: Belgium +2 Goals
SATURDAY, July 2nd—
Deutschland vs. Italy
vs. 
Your friendly bookie is confident. De Sciglio, Chiellini,
and Motta don’t seem to know where they fit in Conte’s plans. Immobile and
Pelle appear lost as well. Clinical execution shall be required from Kroos and
Müller. They’re both professionals. They know what to do. A true “#9” will
score a brace. Schweine will get in on the fun late to ice the cake.
Projected
Lineups:
“Die
Nationalmannschaft”—(4-5-1) |
Mario Gomez
|
|
Julian
Draxler Meshut Özil Thomas Müller
|
|
Toni Kroos
|
|
Jonas
Hector B. Schweinsteiger Joshua Kimmich
|
|
Mats Hummels Jerome
Boateng
|
|
Manuel Neuer
|
“The
Azzuri” (3-4-2-1) |
Graziano Pelle
|
|
Eder Ciro Immobile
|
|
Danielle
De Rossi Thaigo Motta
|
|
Mattia
De Sciglio Allesandro Florenzi
|
|
G.
Chiellini L. Bonnucci A. Barzagli
|
|
Gianluigi Buffon
|
Prop
Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own)
Over/Under—3 Goals
120 Minutes— Straight Up
Penalty Shootout—3 to 1
THE
LINE: Die Nationalmannschaft +2 Goals
SUNDAY, July 3rd—
France vs. Iceland
vs. 
No more. The hosts have to get it together at this point.
They’ve learned that Payet should be the short striker and that Pogba needs to
slip back. Anthony Martial is poised for a breakthrough. Evra will vindicate
his controversial selection. Les Bleaus win…and they win big. Thank the
“Football Gods”!
Projected
Lineups:
“Les
Bleus”—(4-2-3-1) |
Olivier Giroud
|
|
A. Martial
D. Payet K. Coman
|
|
Blaise Matuidi Paul Pogba
|
|
Patice
Evra Bacary Sagna
|
|
Laurent
Koscielny Adil Rami
|
|
Hugo Lloris
|
“The
Ice-Ssons” (4-4-2) |
J.D.
Bovarsson K. Sigborsson
|
|
B.
Bjarnasson J.B. Guomundesson
|
|
G.
Sigursson A. Gunnarasson
|
|
A.F.
Skulasson B.M Saeversson
|
|
K. Arnasson R. Sigurosson
|
|
H. P. Halldorsson
|
Prop
Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own)
Over/Under—4 Goals
120 Minutes—4 to 1
Penalty Shootout—6 to 1
THE
LINE: France +2 Goals
GENTLEMEN, ENTER YOUR WAGERS
