Bonjour Syndicate Members,
Thank the heavens we finally got a day predominantly focused
on football! Ze French did their absolute best to spoil their own party with
more of their trademark Labor Protests, but overall it appears they mostly
avoided pissing on their own feet. Knock it off, Froggies. This is supposed to
be a celebration of YOUR country and YOUR culture. It’s your party and you’re
fully entitled to cry if you want to, but why spoil all the free fun with such
self-righteous mindlessness? Nevermind. Halfway through the construction of
that sentence, I remembered that I was talking about the French. They’re the
ultimate “party-poopers”. They’d spoil their own mother’s 90th
Birthday Party just to prove a pretentious point. ; ( Maybe it’s hopeless. ; ( 
Your friendly bookie finds himself fresh of a rant on the
unwelcome intrusion of conceited and pompous attitudes in what should be a fun
and lighthearted Summer Festival. In the fourteen years that I’ve been writing
this blog, I’ve never seen a tournament get off to such a smug and scornful
start. We’re supposed to be enjoying ourselves, people! It used to be the case
that self-important snobs found themselves a niche in the halls of Academia,
and then spent their declining years bitching about the fact that they never
got tenure in spite of the fact that their work was un-publishable. Since when
does a country hosting a fabulous international tournament decide that being a
cantankerous old Professor with suspect talent became a good idea?
Nevermind. I just remembered that I was talking about the
French again. They’ll refuse to shake your hand, light up a Gauloises, and then
beg to be tear-gassed. Why? Because “Life es Sheet”. Can’t get these people to
enjoy themselves..not even at their own mother’s 90th Birthday
Party. They invented misery. Hopefully we re-animate the spirit of 1998. It’s
not too late!
Let’s rank 24 countries in descending order.
24) Albania
Terrible. Forget about the prospect of bouncing back without
your Talismanic Captain. Enjoy your days off in Lyon and Marseille. Beautiful
Cities. Have a ball!
23) Russia
I almost expect them to get kicked out of the tournament
tomorrow. Telling the Russians that they need to behave is like telling a
teenager to clean their room. You can’t tame the Rowdy Ruskies. Even deporting
some of their fans might not be enough. In other news…the 2018 World Cup has
been moved to Germany!
22) Belgium
Ugh. So much for the most talented team in the tournament.
They’ll play better by default, but what the hell was up with that completely
dis-jointed 4-2-3-1? And why didn’t Dries Mertens and Divock Origi start? Marc
Wilmots is doing his best impression of “Amateur Hour” at this point. An
embarrassment of riches and he puts them to worse use than Scrooge McDuck.
Fugly, fugly football.
21) Austria
Energizing play from David Alaba and Marco Arnautovic, but
the rest of the team opted not to show up. The loss of Dragovic might sink the
whole campaign. The underachieving Navigators are next..and Junozovic is rumored
to be starting again. Bad times. These Germans have nothing but bad luck.
20) Turkey
Should have heeded the warning signs. Don’t go betting with
your heart, gentlemen. Terim’s boys looked flat and listless. No “Tenacious
Turkmen” in sight.
19) The Ukraine
Difficult to debut against the World Champions, but letting
in that late second from Schweine in the 92nd was inexcusable. Goal
differential will prove crucial in this group. A momentary lapse in
concentration won’t be helpful down the line.
18) Northern Ireland
Expect a Classic when they square off against the team above
on Thursday. They’re evenly matched. A goal-filled slugfest is in the works.
Bookie’s promise.
17) Republic of Ireland
That serendipitous draw against the Swedes gives them a
fighting chance of making the Knockouts. They might escape the group yet.
16) Czech Republic
The “Old Hats” played with much more vigor than anticipated.
Hubnik and Sivok conceivably have enough legs left to compensate for the
languorous attack. Stay tuned. They might prove us all wrong.
15) Croatia
A surprisingly strong performance turned in from the
Blazers. They admittedly face a much stronger test against the Czech defensive
prowess. That’s why we play the matches gentlemen. It’ll be fun!
14) Romania
The 4-3-3 looks good, even if Iordanescu needs to make some
serious alterations to his striking corps. Stancu is way too far back. Maybe he
could hold a frontline alongside Torje…though I don’t purport to be an expert.
13) Slovakia
Of all the teams that lost in the opening round, the “Raging
Repres” appeared the most gallant in defeat. Good play rom virtually all the
actors down the middle of the pitch. Vladamir Weiss and Martin Skrtel are up to
their usual antics, but that just means that the Slovaks have a good excuse to
get them off the starting eleven. A reformed lineup should put them past the
Russians
12) Switzerland
Expected a bit more from the Nati, considering who they were
playing. Best to deal with adversity early in the tournament. Anxious to see
how they fare tomorrow.
11) Sweden
Way to give away the win, Blaugults! It’s of little
consequence. Bolstered by his recently signed contract, Ibrahimovic will
provide us with his “moment of magic” on Friday.
10) Iceland
They stole a draw from an obscenely talented side. Little to
no chance that they can sustain this ranking come next round, though the
Hungarians are ripe for a over-hyped scalping.
9) France
Time to turn on the jets, hosts. We can only hope that the
countrymen meant to support you don’t kill your chances of a big win.
8) England
Good enough. I see plenty of potential…even if I’ve been
saying that nearly every Summer for the past fourteen years ; )
7) Portugal
Don’t let the scoreline fool you. The Navigators look sharp.
Crisp passing and plenty of good looks at goal. They’re just getting warmed up.
6) Poland
Very solid debut. Your friendly bookie is genuinely
frightened. Lewandowski might find his “Summer Touch” at precisely the right
time.
5) Spain
They’re back in a big way. Good movement and ideas. Del
Bosque just needs to figure out who his lead striker will be. A plethora of
options means that he most certainly will.
4) Hungary
That’s how we engineer a comeback. Scoring twice against the
run-of-play makes for a sensational story. Welcome back into the fold, Magyar
Mates. You just flipped Group F on its head.
3) Italy
Conte’s men will not be denied. Forget about “Prandelli’s
Pets”. This is a new-look Azzuri who frankly look quite dangerous. Expect them
to go far.
2) Wales
Oh yes. Bale’s opening goal heralded the advent of something
truly special. These boys are about to drop a dime on Mother England and punch
through to the Knockouts. There are teams simply happy to be hear, and then
there teams poised to make a Cinderella run. Believe in Bale. Believe in the
power of the “Man-bun”.
1) Deutschland
Even if their debut wasn’t as stellar as some would have
hoped, the World Champions deserve to retain their perch. Knock us off of it if
you dare.
Wir sind Weltmeister. Also sprach your friendly bookie ; )
Ready to rock some lines, brothers?
Wednesday, June 15th
Russia vs. Slovakia
vs.
We may very well be less than 10 hours away from a serious
geo-political snafu. If the Ruskies fail to contain themselves against the
Slovaks tomorrow, we can all forget about hosting next Summer’s Confederations
Cup and the 2018 World Cup in Mother Russia. Even Putin has gotten involved,
pleading with the drunken thugs to stand down and reject violence. Tune in to
make sure there won’t be a riot.
THE
LINE: Pick em’ (holding)
Romania vs. Switzerland
vs.
I’m thinking a Mehmedi brace…and perhaps a Ricardo Rodriguez
own-goal. In any event, my projection holds as does the line.
THE
LINE: Switzerland +1 Goal (holding)
France vs. Albania
vs.
A few Syndicate Members have already backed the Albanians
after the line debuted. Thus, we’re down a tick. Your friendly bookie still
envisions a 4-nil victory for Les Bleaus, so get your wagers in as soon as you
can. I’ll hold off on rolling this Line down further for a hot minute.
THE
LINE: France +2 Goals (rolling down soft from France +3)
Thursday, June 16th
England vs. Wales
vs.
Get ready for a bombshell. This fixture should prove wildly
entertaining, but your friendly bookie will predict a draw. A Gareth Bale brace
offsets goals from Dele Alli and Sterling to leave it at 2-2.
You have your prognostication.
THE
LINE: Pick em’
The Ukraine vs. Northern Ireland
vs.
As tempting as it is to hit the “UPSET ALERT” button here,
well maintain faith in the “Eastern Blaugults” and set a reasonable line. The
“Lebensraumers” win a tightly-contested match.
THE
LINE: The Ukraine +1 Goal
Deutschland vs. Poland
vs.
What an exciting day Thursday shall be! Two great matches
followed by a dynamite nightcap. It’s enough for your friendly bookie to
forlornly miss being unemployed. Have I mentioned that the Unemployed French
are really acting like a bunch of idiots for organizing protests when they
should be watching football like any halfway decent unemployed person should
do?
I guess I haven’t. Hope everyone comprehended that last
sentence. Football remains the savior of the unemployed. What are you damn
Froggies doing?!?
THE
LINE: Die Nationalmannschaft +2 Goals
Friday, June 17th
Italy vs. Sweden
vs.
Tougher competition awaits for Buffon & Co. I’ll throw a
bone to the suffering Wop bettors and keep it a pick. Better get your tips in
early!
THE
LINE: Pick em’
Czech Republic vs. Croatia
vs.
The Blazing Blazers won’t exactly coast through this one. It
will take time to weather down the Czech wall. Nevertheless, they should eke
out a win.
NO FLARES, PLEASE!!
As if we don’t have enough to deal with. ; (
THE
LINE: Croatia +1 Goal
Spain vs. Turkey
vs.
Terim’s lineup selection fails to excite. It looks like its
curtains for the “Tenacious Turkmen”. Sorry to say so. Sorry to set this line.
THE LINE: Spain +1 Goal
Saturday, June 18th
Belgium vs. Republic of Ireland
vs.
Watch them execute a blowout. I’ve nothing else to say.
THE
LINE: Belgium +2 Goals
Iceland vs. Hungary
vs.
THE
LINE: Pick em'
Portugal vs. Austria
vs.
THE LINE: Portugal +1 Goal
GENTLEMEN, ENTER YOUR WAGERS
