CC 2017--Semi-Finals

Hoi Syndicate Members,

The Confederations Cup moves at a notoriously slow pace. One wonders if it might be possible to find a “Happy Medium” between a 32-team-tournament that often leaves us scrambling to remember which players from which country are slated to appear AND an 8-team-tournament that renders us hopelessly über-focused on the few matches that we’re privileged enough to enjoy. A sixteen-team tournament sounds like an entirely plausible solution until one considers the fact that the recent expansion of both the European Championship the Women’s World Cup left us all feeling like the field had been spread too thin. Multiplying factors can be a real bitch ; )

I’d like to take some time this evening to discuss a truly awesome tournament that won’t receive anywhere near the respect it deserves: The 2017 UEFA Women’s Euro. Back in 2013, your friendly bookie received a lot of negative feedback concerning the shallow brevity of that year’s Confederation’s Cup. It just wasn’t enough. The Brazilians won their little “Dress Rehearsal”. Wasn’t there something else that old friends could wager on?

There most assuredly was. Your friendly bookie took it upon himself to compose lines…and very well-intentioned flippant hetero-observations on the 2013 Women’s Euro. To date, those posts retain the most hits out of any other S.S.S. dispatches. Most of that had to do with the chosen acronym.

“FEM 2013” = “FrauenEuropaMeisterschaft 2013”.

F = Frauen

E = Europa

M = Meisterschaft

It seemed so obvious at the time ; )

U.S. Television networks have unfortunately declined to televise the 2017 Women’s Euro. A damn shame. Everyone will miss out on what will be an exciting competition between the defending-six-time champions Germany and some seriously stiff competition from France, England, Sweden, the Netherlands, and Denmark.

I’ve said it a hundred times before in this Sportsbook. I’ll say it again and put it in quotes.

“Women play equally as attractive football as men”.

The Syndicate can’t cover matches that aren’t televised. We’ve all wasted far too much of our short lives on peer-to-peer websites.

COVER WOMEN’S FOOTBALL!!

Goodbyes Section

8^th Place—New Zealand

--3 games played

--1 goal scored

--1 Hot Girl

It shouldn’t surprise anyone to learn that the “All Whites” will emerge at the top of 2018 OFC World Cup Qualifying. They only need to win a two-legged-aggregate playoff against…the Soloman Islands. Yes, you read that correctly.  The SOLOMAN ISLANDS! THIS goddamned conference ; (  The brave Kiwis have fended off Fiji, Tahiti, Papua New Guinea, and New Caledonia! Hurrah! Surely the number of people who give a coconut-splitting shit number less than the non-tax-sheltered citizens of Tonga. To be fair, FIFA has devised a fair system to deal with this geographic anomaly of a confederation. The OFC Champ squares off against the fifth place CONMEBOL Team in an inter-continental playoff.

Previous years have supplied us with some memorable ones. At present it looks as if the Ferns may face either Chile, Argentina, or Ecuador. Columbia, Uruguay, Peru, and Paraguay are more remote possibilities. Worth keeping an eye on.

That’s about all that’s worth keeping an eye on as pertains to this team. English Championship fans might like to see if Chris Wood can finally carry Leeds back to the top flight. He’s the only one truly on this bookie’s radar. Very much like to see him back in the Premiership soon.

 GRADES—New Zealand (Match One) 

Stefan Marinovic	A
Marco Rojas	A
Ryan Thomas	A-
Tommy Smith	B+
Shane Smeltz	B
Chris Wood	B
Kosta Babarouses	B
Andrew Durante	C
Bill Tuiloma	C
Michael McGlinchey	C-
Kip Colvey	C-
Monty Patterson	C-
Deklan Wynne	D
Michael Boxall	F

 GRADES—New Zealand (Match Two) 

Chris Wood	A
Monty Patterson	A
Ryan Thomas	A
Tommy Smith	A-
Stefan Marinovic	A-
Michael McGlinchey	B
Kosta Babarouses	B
Bill Tuiloma	B
Clayton Lewis	C+
Marco Rojas	C
Deklan Wynne	C-
Andrew Durante	D
Dane Ingham	D
Michael Boxall	F

 GRADES—New Zealand (Match Three) 

Kostas Barabrouses	A
Shane Smetltz	A
Bill Tuiloma	A-
Tommy Smith	A-
Ryan Thomas	B
Marco Rojas	B
Tommy Smith	C+
Chris Wood	C
Andrew Durante	C
Dane Ingham	D
Clayton Lewis	D
Andrew Durante	F
Michael Boxall	F
Stefan Marinovic	F

7^th Place—Cameroon

--3 games played

--2 goals scored

--15 Hot Girls

Your friendly bookie’s persistent ranting about Hugo Broos comes straight from a deeply wounded heart. Countless tirades have been unleased over the course of this book’s pages about underperforming African teams and their seemingly disinterested and dispassionate European coaches. For the “nth” time I find myself bemoaning the fact that an elderly and unenergetic grey-hair from the Northern Ranks just mailed it in. This particular Belgium appeared to be half-asleep during three group stage matches during which he didn’t bother altering his lineups, tactics, or on-the-fly adjustments. Don’t mean to be too harsh about the stark differences in the team I just saw win the African Cup of Nations and the team that lied down here. Zambo-Anguissa was a fabulous addition. Bassogog and Aboubakar had the heart even if they didn’t necessarily have the touch.

Perhaps it’s simply a disappointment of an all-too-familiar nature. The Lions now face an uphill battle to qualify for next Summer in a group that features both Nigeria and Algeria. Jacques Zoua faces an even greater uphill battle to drag my beloved FcK out of the wilderness.

No time for additional rants here. Time to be a supportive fan ; )    

 GRADES—Cameroon (Match One) 

Benjamin Moukandjo	A+
Vincent Aboubakar	A
Christian Bassogog	A
Michael Ngadeu-Ngadjui	A
Fabrice Ondoa	A
Sebastien Siani	B+
Ernest Mabouka	B
Adolphe Teikeu	B
Collins Fai	B-
A.F. Zambo Anguissa	C+
Arnaud Djoum	D

 GRADES—Cameroon (Match Two) 

Christian Bassogog	A+
Karl Toko Ekampi	A+
A.F. Zambo Anguissa	A
Vincent Aboubakar	A
Adolphe Teikeu	A
Fabrice Ondoa	A-
Collins Fai	A-
Arnaud Djoum	B
Benjamin Moukandjo	B-
Michael Ngadeu-Ngadjui	C+
Ernest Mabouka	C
Sebastien Siani	C-

 GRADES—Cameroon (Match Three) 

Christian Bassogog	A+
Fabrice And	A+
Ngouli Ngamaleu	A+
Arnaud Djoum	A
Michael Ngadeu-Ngadjui	A
Vincent Aboubakar	A-
Collins Fai	B+
Sebastien Siani	B-
Adolphe Teikeu	C+
Bejamin Moukandjo	C
A.F. Zambo Anguissa	C
Ernest Mabouka	D
Jerome Guihoata	D-

6^th Place—Australia

--3 games played

--4 goals scored

--4 Hot Girls

The Socceroo Road to World Cup Qualifying, sadly enough, looks to be an easy one. They’ll either automatically qualify through their group standings or face Uzbekistan, Qatar, or Syria in a Playoff. In openly expressing his fatigue about this country’s football program, your friendly bookie didn’t wish to suggest that he’s not looking forward to watching Mathew Ryan tend net in the Premiership, or that he’s not intrigued by whom might sign James Troisi. Matthew Leckie and Jamie Maclaren are also players of interest. I was very pleased to meet this new Jackson Irvine fellow. He looks to inherit the “Man-Bun-Power Throne” from either Andy Carol or Zlatan Ibrahimovic.

The platitudinous predictability of the AFC and OFC simply test this bookie’s patience and level of interest. Both of these confederations unnerve me. Calculable and uncompetitive. Taken together, they’re about as much fun as predicting what will transpire with either:

a)     Copious amounts of alcohol

b)    Girls with very low standards

I once naively thought that merging the two confederations might ameliorate the situation a bit….but we all know what happens when “a” meets “b” ; ( ; (   

 GRADES—Australia (Match One) 

Tom Rogic	A
Trent Sainsbury	A
Matthew Ryan	A
Tomi Juric	A
Timmy Cahill	A
Matthew Leckie	A-
Aziz Behich	A-
Aaron Mooy	B+
Robbie Kruse	B
Massimo Luongo	B-
Milos Degenek	B-
Robbie Kruse	B-
Bailey Wright	C+
James Troisi	D

 GRADES—Australia (Match Two) 

Mark Milligan	A
Matthew Leckie	A
Trent Sainsbury	A
Alex Gersbach	A
Bailey Wright	A-
Milos Degenek	B+
Aaron Mooy	B
Jackson Irvine	B
Tom Rogic	B-
Robbie Kruse	B-
Tomi Juric	C+
Timmy Cahill	C-
Mathew Ryan	C-
James Troisi	D

 GRADES—Australia (Match Three) 

James Troisi	A+
Aziz Behich	A
Ryan McGowan	A
Jackson Irvine	A
Mark Milligan	A
Matthew Leckie	A-
Mathew Ryan	B+
Massimo Luongo	B
Robbie Kruse	B
Tom Juric	B-
Trent Sainsbury	C+
Jaime McClaren	C
Tomi Juric	C
Timmy Cahill	D+

5^th Place—Russia

--3 games played

--3 goals scored

--28 Hot Girls

They exceeded expectations and graciously assisted your friendly bookie in his unavoidable quest to “talk himself into Russia”. There remains much work to be done if the Ruskies are to rise to the task of hosting next Summer. The “Pocket Defense System” needs to be shunned. It’s too conservative and leaves the attackers helpless as they wait in vain for the perfect cutback cross. Smolov and Poloz can spearhead a 4-4-2. Assuming they can get Dzyuba back, the potential for a fierce attacking 4-3-3 exists.

Dzagoev and Kokorin can return. Semyonov and Neustädter may be back. We never got a chance to see these new kids Mario Fernandes or Maksim Kanunnikov. We’ll see a very different team next Summer. Bukharov, Shishkin, and Glushakov might as well be pitched.

Make room for youth and good things can happen ; )  

 GRADES—Russia (Match One) 

Igor Akinfeev	A+
Alexsandr Samedov	A
Fyodor Smolov	A
Viktor Vasin	A
Fyodor Kudryashov	A-
Denis Glushakov	B+
Geori Dzhikaya	B
Dmitri Tarasov	B
Yuri Zhirkov	B-
Alexandr Yerokhin	C+
Alexsandr Bukharov	C+
Alexsandr Golovin	C
Dmitry Poloz	C

 GRADES—Russia (Match Two) 

Igor Akinfeev	A+
Fyodor Smolov	A
Alexsandr Golovin	A
Dmitri Kombarov	A
Alexsandr Samedov	A-
Dmitry Poloz	A-
Alexsandr Yerokhin	B+
Alexsandr Bukharov	B
Yuri Zhirkov	B
Denis Glushakov	B-
Viktor Vasin	B-
Fyodor Kudryashov	C+
Georgi Dzhikiya	C
Roman Shishkin	C

 GRADES—Russia (Match Three) 

Fyodor Smolov	A+
Alexsandr Samedov	A
Dmitry Poloz	A
Alexsandr Golovin	A-
Denis Glushakov	B+
Alexsandr Yerokhin	B
Georgi Dzhikiya	B
Fyodor Kudryashov	B-
Victor Vasin	C+
Alexsandr Bukharov	C
Yuri Zhirkov	D
Igor Akinfeev	D

Onwards to the Lines!

Wednesday, June 28^th 

Portugal vs. Chile

  vs. 

Been back and forth on this one more times than your father betrayed your family. It’s so close. The Chileans have enough talent up front to split the Portuguese fullbacks, but Central Midfield is an absolute stalemate. Santos can deploy Silva alongside Ronaldo to gain the winning edge. I’ll augur that he does so…and that the Navigators narrowly escape penalties. ; )

Projected Lineups:

 “The Navigators”—(4-4-2) 

Bernardo Silva     Cristiano Ronaldo

Andre Gomez                                      Ricardo Quaresma

Adrien Silva               William Carvalho

Cedric Soares                             Raphael Guerreiro

Pepe               Bruno Alves

Rui Patricio

 “La Roja Americana”—(4-4-2) 

Eduardo Vargas    Alexis Sanchez

Charles Aranguiz           Jose Fuenzalida

Marcelo Diaz      Arturo Vidal

Jean Beausajour                      Mauricio Isla

Gonzalo Jara   Gary Medel

Claudio Bravo

THE LINE: Portugal +1 Goal

Prop Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own)

Over/Under—2 Goals    

120 Minutes—Straight Up

Penalty Shootout—Straight Up

Thursday, June 29^th     

Deutschland vs. Mexico

  vs. 

Don’t expect Löw to deploy a “Full Throttle Lineup”. Do expect Werner, Demirbay, and Younes to give everything they have as they fight for their places next Summer. Mustafi better stop fucking up. Jürgen Damm is just waiting for his chance. ; )

Projected Lineups:

 “Die Nationalmannschaft”—(3-4-2-1) 

Timo Werner

Julian Draxler        Leon Goretzka

Jonas Hector                    Joshua Kimmich

Amin Younes   Kerem Demirbay

S. Mustafi A. Rüdiger  M. Ginter

Marc André ter Stegen

 “The Aztec Warriors”—(4-4-2) 

Carlos Vela   Javier Hernandez

Javier Aquino          Jürgen Damm

Andres Guardado       Giovanni dos Santos

Miguel Layun                    Hector Herrera

Hector Moreno  Nestor Arajuo

Guillermo Ochoa

THE LINE: Die Nationalmanschaft +1 Goal

Prop Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own)

Over/Under—3 Goals    

120 Minutes— Straight Up

Penalty Shootout— 2 to 1

GENTLEMEN, ENTER YOUR WAGERS.