Editor’s Retroactive Notes:
“Syndicate Season” arrives somewhat later this year as the “Dress
Rehearsal” for the World Cup commonly gets pushed back to mid-June. Syndicate
Member 22-M has the dubious distinction of being the first Stateside Member to
write in and suggest that your friendly bookie’s decision to label this Summer’s
Sportsbook “Syndicate Barbarossa” reflected poor taste. Much appreciated,
brother. ; ) A couple other “Ultra-Sensitive Liberal Alarms” trickled in
afterwards.
“How can you name your Sportsbook after a Nazi Military
Operation, Vicey?”
I’ll graciously and generously give you the “how” and the “why”
; )
For this bookie, hatred of the current Russian Regime isn't some
passing Liberal Hipster Fad like attending an “Early Comey Watch Party” at your
local bar. I’m genuinely concerned. Crimea is littered with posters featuring
Stalin’s likeness and the words “It’s OUR Victory”. The bullying “Crony
Capitalism” of a shrewd ex-KGB Agent who once refused to accept the collapse of
East Germany has gone too far.
Mediocre hackers now attempt to sway elections in France,
Denmark, and our good ol’ USA. Fake information, subversion, and forgery have
become the norm. As a particularly harrowing example, I wish to submit the case
of “Our Lisa”.
The Russian Parliament is currently—and sadly seriously—debating
the decriminalization of domestic violence. That didn’t stop adamant “Russo-Philes”
in East Berlin from joining with Neo-Nazi Parties to protest the IMAGINARY
abduction of an ethnically Russian teenager named Lisa who spent the night with
her German boyfriend. Massive street protests sought to suggest that she was
kidnapped by a German Beast.
Manipulative lies are the worst kind. A slight fib may be necessary
from time to time, but outright venomous propaganda isn’t acceptable. This year’s
“re-release” seeks to remind everyone of what a weak hand the hosts of this
Summer’s Football Tournament are playing.
Shitty hackers. Shitty Leaders. Shitty Football Players.
Russian fans are often shitty rioters as well.
The world watches as we conduct this “Dress Rehearsal”. This
bookie eagerly anticipates the result. ; )
From EM 2012—Group A Preview
Russia
Transmit
THIS information to Vladimir: His team is wildly overrated. A broad consensus
coalesces around Schwanz Befürworter’s “Sbornaia”, group-thinking them all the
way up to the position of universal favorites to top this bracket. I myself
remain unconvinced. One may recall that I designated the 2008 Russian squad
“the best ever” whilst others all too laxly wrote them off. After Pavlyuchenko
and Arshavin sprung to life and catapulted the Ruskies all the way to the
semi-finals, everyone belatedly joined in. This year we may very well observe
the inverse bandwagon phenomenon.
Too
many incorrectly assume that this highly experienced band of Zenit St.
Petersburg and CSKA Moscow players will automatically duplicate the previous
effort. I acknowledge scrolling down the selection that Advocaat has retained
faith in over a dozen players with 60 or more caps. Herein lies the problem.
Old Schwanz Befürworter appears to behave as if he’s already semi-retired. He’s
not shook up this team in the manner that their non-2010 qualification
necessitated.
I’d
be more pleased to once more invest fidelity in Advocaat’s approach, much as I
did when he coached the Dutch (twice), the South Koreans, Zenit, Rangers, and
AZ Alkmaar. The man racks up successes the way I down beers. Let’s not forget,
however, that he has produced sub par results as well. He had less than stellar
stints with Belgium and the U.A.E. He tanked in Mönchengladbach. Of most
exigent concern is his impending departure to PSV Eindhoven effective July 1st.
Perhaps Dick doesn’t have one foot in retirement, but has simply checked out.
Looking at this archaic club of fragile egos, it seems reasonable to conclude.
We
begin with Roman Pavyluchenko, a tournament all-star back in 2008. Advocaat
judged him a “sleeping giant”, and he rose to the occasion with a magnificent
performance that earned him a fat £14 million paycheck at White Hart Lane.
Though he would score 21 goals for Harry Redknapp’s Spurs over the next 3 ½
years, he exhibited a precipitous drop in form towards the end of the contract
that left him expendable. After being placed on the football equivalent of
waivers CSKA and Spartak Moscow showed no interest in him. He ended up signing
for half his worth with the current third best Moscow club, Lokomotiv, and has
spent most of the last three months on the bench. Andrei Arshavin has also
steadily played less of a role for the Gunners at the Emirates over the years.
By January Wegner wasn’t even considering starting him. In desperation he
secured a last-minute transfer to Zenit St. Petersburg in order to get enough
playing time to maintain tournament fitness levels. Bottom line: Both players
are in the midst of a steep decline, an unfortunately all-too-common occurrence
for players entering their thirties.
Other
questionable selections include Igor Semshov and Konstantin Zyranov in the
packed midfield. What Yuri Zhirkov is still doing at the back after Chelsea
dumped him and every respectable Russian club passed on him is beyond me. Not
trusting the madman in charge of Anzhi Mackhachkala. He throws good money after
bad like a drunken stockbroker on a cocaine binge. Likewise, anchoring
midfielder Roman Shirokov is a mercurial at best. Reportedly, he and Advocaat
have come to one of those understandings that propelled Pavlyuchenko in 2008.
I’ll certainly believe it when I see it.
If
the front is full of either average players or deteriorating hotheads, Russian
fans may take solace in the stabilizing presence of Moscow’s granite giant
Sergei Ignashevich. Now capped 73 times, this enormous iron curtain of a man
captains one supremely stingy back line that only gave up four goals throughout
the entire qualifying stages. Alexander Anyukov and Alexei Berezutski are also
determined defensive stalwarts likely to frustrate any attempts at offense by
the other anemic teams in the group. Perhaps the Sbornia should be considered
favorites after all. Certainly not before Schwanz Befürworter makes some bold
decisions, however.
First,
backup keeper Vyacheslav Malafeev stepped up big time after Igor Akinfeev went
down with an injury last autumn. Malafeev strung together a scoreless streak
that spanned over 500 minutes, a new record for the qualifying stages. Advocaat
must give the red hot Zenit backstop serious consideration, especially after
Akinfeev has not recovered well. Next, the late season form of Stuttgart and
later Fulham’s Pavel Pogrebnyak should elevate him to the starting position at
lone striker. Advocaat faces serious problems with the group of squabbling
has-beens. In addition to the wounded pride of Arshavin, the recently
supplanted Alexander Kerzhakov further complicates the Prima Donna show. The
solution happens to be simple: Sit them all and start Pogrebnyak. Clearly he’s
a player entering full bloom. It’s his turn.
A
Public Service Announcement from your Friendly Bookie
At
first glance it may appear that the Ruskies have some unpronounceable names. In
point of fact, they’ve been translated from the Cyrillic precisely so that you
can pronounce them with the greatest of ease. Not buying it? I’ll show you:
1)
Pavel Pogrebnyak = [PAH-ville POH-greb-NI-ACK]
2)
Sergei Ingashevich = [Sir-gay Ing-GAH-shev-itch]
3)
Roman Pavlyuchenko = [Row-man Pav-LI-OOH-Cheng-KO]
See?
Simple. All one needs is a few seconds to carefully plod through the letters.
Get up to speed on those Russian names as we’re headed there for World Cup
2018. I mean…it’s not as if you don’t have enough time, but why procrastinate?
Yes,
so long as I considered it fair to ramble on about Greek elections, I suppose I
should say a word or two concerning the 2011 Russian Parliamentary elections
and the recent presidential elections. True, the suppression of dissent remains
highly disconcerting, as do many of these toothless puppet “loyal opposition”
parties. Media censorship blows, even if most of the populace can find away
around it. Corruption, stagnation, propaganda……look. I’ll throw my lot in with
the OSCE and assess the non-Orwellian results as largely fair. To an outside
observer, the steadily sinking poll numbers of United Russia would seem to
suggest the country is on the right track away from oligarchy. Absolutely
loving these new Perestroika Protests, essentially ongoing for the last eight
months. Love me some Nemstov, Bykov, Shenderovich, and Shevchuk. I love people
braving frigid weather to bum rush and flash mob public parks. You’re
absolutely correct. They can’t stop you all.
So
Putin has generously allocated a new SIX-year term for himself. So what? He
can’t defeat the Internet. He doesn’t even know how to use the Internet. He’s
never sent an e-mail in his life. He doesn’t know how to use a mouse. He doesn’t know what a screensaver is. He
hasn’t the faintest clue of how you organize yourselves. This guy makes the
late Ted Stevens look up to date. He may be correct in opining that the net is
“80 percent porn”. Hell, some days he may have it spot on. Still, keep up the
good work and he’ll abdicate before 2018. Er…have I mentioned that we’re headed
to Russia in 2018? Try the whole police state thing when 30 million rowdy
football fans descend on your country. Go ahead. Give it a shot.
