Greetings Syndicate Brethren,
Flags fly and passions run high. That’s why we love
football. The Knockout Rounds have a unique way of reminding us just how
serious matters can get. Every last one of us loves the walkouts and the
national anthems. We enjoy all of the esoteric speculation accompanying every
last match….or at least I do ; ) There nevertheless comes a time in every international football tournament when the excitement and anticipation of crowning a new champion overtakes all of the babbling, blathering drivel. I’m fired up to enter this phase with you, my brothers. : )
Before getting to the Lines, I’m pleased to present a
long-overdue “Mailbag Section”. My brothers know how to riff. Together we make
music. One might even say that we compose a disjointed Symphony. We do so every
Summer. This segment is dedicated to you, gentlemen. Thank You.
Mailbag
Reader:
Nice two-dimensional harem of ho’s you’ve assembled for yourself, Vice.
Vicey:
(laughing uncontrollably)
Reader:
Do you qualify as a “dirty old man” just yet?
Vicey:
Wait until my 33rd birthday to crucify me. Jesus agrees with me on
that.
\Reader:
Hi dooche!
Vicey:
It’s spelled D-O-U-C-H-E, nitwit. Get your feminine hygiene products straight!
I do believe I’ve encountered the only soul further away from a vagina than
myself.
Reader:
How many hairdressers do you think Kate Abdo has slapped? Over/Under 4.
Vicey:
Based on her makeup regimen, I personally believe she’s carnivorously devoured
half a dozen cosmeticians since the tournament began. Sure, she seems like an
eloquent put-together English girl, but there’s a “Cockney Cunt” lurking
somewhere behind that smooth façade. There always is with the Limey Ladies ; )
I’d pay good money to watch her go apeshit on the poor Vietnamese girl who
botched her touch up.
“What
kind of daft shite was that?!?”
Reader:
Peter…if I have to watch that fucking FIAT commercial ONE MORE TIME!!
Vicey:
Calm down, 37-M. Soothe your jangled nerves by thinking of the “Kelley O’Hara
Chocolate Milk Commercials”. That’s a superior product. It does a body good…and
chocolate milk is tasty as well. ; )
Reader:
Why doesn’t anyone want to hang out with Hope Solo?
Vicey:
Because she bites the heads off kittens and drinks the blood of aborted
fetuses. I DON’T FUCKING KNOW! All I know is that I’m starting to really feel
sorry for the poor girl. This circus-like media coverage has gone way too far.
Let her play! One more emergency panel discussion on her legal problems and I’m
posting a “Leave- Britney-Alone-Style” rant on Youtube. Christ, people. Let’s
just watch some football.
Reader:
Future plans, Vice? Where are you going?
Vicey: I
could tell you…but then I’d have to kill you. Sorry.
Reader:
Alexandra Popp has an impressive backside…er backslide.
Vicey:
Hehehe. Brilliant. And……ZING 24-M!
Reader:
At some point you need to interject Mattias Schlitte into your blog.
Vicey:
Thanks for “interjecting” that into my mind, 13-M. I’m now going to commence
vomiting profusely. That dude makes the “Blue Waffle” seem tame. Ugh.
Reader:
Whatsa matter, Pete. You no like Pepé?
Vicey: I
love Pepé! Pepé is the man! Pepé can come raid my fridge and ravish my woman
anytime he likes. He can grind his feet into my couch Rick James Style. Er…by
the way…who is this Pepé person of whom you speak?
Actual
Reading ex-girlfriend: What are you running from this year, Peter?
Vicey:
Ah shit. It’s “Syndicate Membress 2-F.” She’ll cut you to pieces with her
tongue. : ) Even my own mother
can’t hope to compete. : )
Ordinarily, I’d take a few minutes to re-post her full fine collection
of soul-crushing riffs. I’m just too tired tonight, babe ; ) Work has a way of
wearing you too thin to riff. Know that your poignant piercing will live on
forever in my nightmares. : ) Some links will have to suffice for now.
One more piece of business to attend to before we move on to
the illegal gambling. Though it technically doesn’t qualify as a “riff”,
Syndicate Members may find it amusing to see some of the google search terms
that have inadvertently led strangers to their Syndicate. It’s a seriously
fucked up world, gentlemen. These are ACTUAL search terms typed into the
world’s search engine:
“Alex Morgan Braid on top of head”
“Catherine Dekkerhus sexy”
“Julie Johnston Big Ass”
“Meghan Rapinoe arm tattoo”
“Danielle van de Donk Butt”
“FWWC Hot”
“Lieke Martens sexy hot ass”
I don’t nearly have enough time to go through all of the
embarrassingly bad misspelled ones. All you need to know is that:
“Männer sind Schweine. Traue ihnen nicht ein Wort!”
More riffs to follow next time.
My Updated Stats:
Spread: 18-26
Straight Up: 28-11-5
Goodbyes Section:
9th Place—Brazil 
Here we have another team your friendly bookie just couldn’t
get behind. From the outset one could tell something was off. Their movement
and drive failed to inspire. Their tactics appeared sour and stale. One could
tell that Marta was nowhere near the player she was four years ago. She found
herself in the midst of a profound dip in form; one of Ronaldinho-like
proportions. Hence, your friendly bookie repeatedly wrote “I detect Eddys in
the fabric. I sense disturbances in the wash.”Kudos to Syndicate Members 72-M and 124-M for spotting the obligatory Douglas Adams Reference. ; ) For those of you wondering where in the hell that garble came from, it’s a Ford Prefect Quote from “Life, the Universe, and Everything”. : ) ; )
I refused to jettison my skepticism even as the mighty Samba
Queens racked up convincing results in the group phase. Only the scorelines
were convincing. Dig deeper and one would see that this incarnation of the
Selecao could barely advance the ball past midfield, Formiga wouldn’t last the
grueling length, Christiane was totally out of ideas, Thaisa couldn’t get a
touch, and Luciana would be forced to bail out the back line. Ripe for the
fall. Virtually no one was surprised by this “upset special”. Surprisingly few
Syndicate Members dared pick it up.
Everything unfolded just as augured. The ball rarely left
the midfield during an opening 45 so bloody boring that not a single play
sticks in my memory. Marta, Formiga, and Andressa tried to take matters into
their own hands, but couldn’t accomplish much in terms of upfield movement. The
support simply wasn’t there. No give-and-goes. No Triangulations. No decent
looks at goal.
There can be few complaints from the Canarhina Camp as they
head home. They didn’t play quality football. Nothing attractive about what we
saw. Unacceptable.
It could have been worse. : )
You could have been spanked 7-1 on your home turf. ; )
10th Place—Norway 
Your friendly bookie is on a hot streak thanks to this
entirely predictable downfall by the Grasshoppers. To his credit, Even Pellerud
did select a decent starting eleven. He went all out with a 4-3-3 that featured
Ada Hegerberg, Isabell Hervlosen, and Kristine Minde up front as the “Tridents”
He might have done better to start Emile Haavi, but that amounts to little
other than water under the bridge.Poor Thorisdottir and Elise Thornses had to make their way in as subs. Pellerud was the first to admit that he was “out-coached” and “over-managed” Good on him for that. At least he acknowledged the truth.
Counterpart Mark Taylor inserted Jill Scott in the 54rd
and Jodie Taylor in the 63rd. Pellerud waited until the 70th
to introduce Thornses and the 87th to sub in Utland. Ims,
Guldransen, and Wold may have done their job, but there wasn’t any excuse for
starting Mykaland in midfield. Pellerud deserves to be obliquely referred to as
a woman. His stupidity meets that level! Arghhh!
My impotent rage begins to subside…It’s a decidedly weaker
tournament without legends like Trianne Rønning, Solveig Guldbransen, and
Isabell Hervlosen. This bookie doubts they’ll be able to hang on for another
two years to reappear in the Women’s Euro. ; ( I hate goodbyes. Guess we’ll
have to make to with a promising new generation when we convene in Holland in
the Summer of 2017. Oh well. It’s worth looking forward to.
11th Place—Cameroon 
Alles klar. Who’s already getting hyped up for the 2017
Africa Cup of Nations in Gabon? I know I am, as this constitutes my last
opportunity to write about African Football until then ; ( Sullen dude here ;
( Tough one to swallow here as the
Indomitable Lionesses came within a few bad breaks of continuing their
Cinderella Run. Ngono Mani’s blazer might have put them ahead inside 30
seconds.Onguene might have found the back of the net if that angle happened to be just a few degrees looser. Disciplined work from Christiane Manie, Aurelle Awona, Claudine Meffometou, and Yvonne Leuko in holding that line.
It was hardly their fault that Shanshan controlled so well. Enganamouit and Nchout sprung quality efforts that could have easily been goals on another day. Damn the luck. ; ( ; (
Of all of the fleeting African Romances your friendly bookie
has engaged in during these tournaments, the story of the Lady Lions catapults
itself to “#1 Status”. I expected nothing from this poor, forlorn proud
footballing nation. I cringed at the mere thought of writing more shitty news
about a country who’s wayward colonial affiliation with the Germans left them
cursed forever. They surprised us all with some great football and a dignified story.
How about that 6-0 crushing of Ecuador? The dramatic defeat of the Swiss won’t
soon be forgotten either. ; )
I can think of no better way to close my Africa Coverage
than to spell out the name of the tournament’s best player one last time:
E-N-G-A-N-A-M-O-U-I-T
12th Place—Columbia 
Dumb-ass Lady Andrade opted to poke a stingray with a stick.
Ask Steve Irwin how smart it is to fuck with a deadly animal. What’s that? He’s
not responding? Maybe that’s because he’s as dead as a fucking doornail! Stupid,
stupid girls. You chose to get arrogant with a superior team.I’ve no sympathy at all. It’s true that the American Media picked up some off-hand quotes and then proceeded to blow them way out of proportion, but you girls really had no business intimating that you had “more heart” than the Yanks.
Dumb bitches. If only there were less dumb bitches in this world. We’d enjoy peace and serenity on this planet if there weren’t so many dumb bitches bumbling about. What’s with the games, ladies? Don’t you realize you can’t hope to win in the end?
To hell with this team. I personally wish I could have the
half hour I invested in writing their Preview Section back. I want the
cumulative time I spent reviewing their upset of the French back as well. That
isn’t to say that I didn't make mistakes whilst writing about them. Syndicate
Member 85-M correctly pointed out that incorrectly identified Catalina Usme as
the “suspended one”.
Keeper Sandra Sepulveda was the one watching the game from the bleacher seats. I love Brother 85-M, but I couldn’t care less about this team.. The Columbians were nothing more than a collection of manipulative bitches who opted to compensate for their status as the weaker sex by playing immature games with someone smarter than them. Stupid cunts. Games don’t work, ladies. Nothing irritates me more than such nonsense.
Keeper Sandra Sepulveda was the one watching the game from the bleacher seats. I love Brother 85-M, but I couldn’t care less about this team.. The Columbians were nothing more than a collection of manipulative bitches who opted to compensate for their status as the weaker sex by playing immature games with someone smarter than them. Stupid cunts. Games don’t work, ladies. Nothing irritates me more than such nonsense.
Stupid, stupid fucking girls. Did you forget how the U.S.
dismantled you four years ago?
Have some humility!
13th Place—The Netherlands 
First and foremost, I owe Kirsten van de Ven an enormous
debt of gratitude for completely fucking up my spread with a late consolation
goal in the ABSOLUTE LAST POSSIBLE moment of injury time. Thanks, babe. You
cost me a full Benjamin with that “better late than never” header! Damn you,
woman! As Louis van Gaal would put it, “In what for is this world twisted?”.Of course I’m not really bitter. ; ) Your friendly bookie heralded the appearance of his Leeuwinnen from the very beginning. I followed the progress of Manon Melis, Lieke Martens, Danielle van de Donk, and Vivanne Miedema with the most enthusiastic of interest.
Had it not been for the disorganized crowding of the
goalmouth in the 75th, they might have pushed a very good Japanese
team into extra time. They came closer than one might think. I’ll lift a line
from Round Two and posit the question once more: “How about my flying
Dutchwomen, gentlemen”? Can’t wait to see these girls back in action in 2017.
Vivanne Miedema’s journey is only beginning. Martens isn’t afraid to lace it from
range. She’ll supply us with some memorable hits.
They’ll be back as contenders on their home soil in a short
twenty-four months. Thanks for the memories, Mädels. Furious fight down the
stretch. You may only qualify as “goofy Germans”, but I love you anyway ; )
14th
Place—South Korea 
The “Taeguk Nanja” accorded us many extraordinary memories,
the least of which should be Kim Jung-Mi lying on the deck for twelve minutes
after getting hit on both sides of her face in two separate incidences. Christ
almighty! One sits down to watch a little football and everything revolves
around the keeper taking two shots to the capillaries!Doubtless it was a rough game and those counted as some really nasty knocks, but where were Shim Seo-Yeon and Kim Do-Yeon?
You can’t leave your keeper exposed like that!! Even the Ivorians didn’t go that far! Defend, defend, defend! That was borderline embarrassing.
A sour taste ends the meal. Jeon Ga-eul, Yoo Young-a, Park
Eun-son, Park Hee-Young, Shim Seo-Yeon, and even Yoon Deouk-Yeo captured the
imagination of Syndicate Members. Too bad. So sad. We won’t be discussing them
for quite some time. Nice job showing some heart during your improbable run to
the Knockouts. Thank you. That is all.
Nevermind. I lied. Can I get an order of Kim-Chi before we
part ways?
15th Place—Switzerland 
I tried to point out the weaknesses of “La Nati”. Lord knows
I tried. Your friendly bookie wouldn’t be up $600+ if you rouges had only
listened. I tried to tell you that Bachmann was only as good as Moser and Wälti
could make her. I tried to tell you that Crnogorcevic didn’t really fit in. I
tried to tell you that the 10-goal performance was nothing more than an
aberration.Words are wasted on the non-readers much in the same way that life is wasted on the living. Nearly $200 worth of bets flowed in on the Cameroon match. Syndicate Member 13-M aptly summarized his bet against Canada by proudly proclaiming that he’d bite the “low-hanging fruit”. Oops. Looks like everyone drank the red kool-aid.
Bachmann and Dickenmann may possess obscene talent, but
they’re nothing without the proper support. Instigating a meek attack isn’t
nearly good enough. Kiwic and Kuster suck. I still love Aigbogun! Go on, girl!
See you gals in two years time. That’ll be fun!
16th Place—Sweden 
The Swedish steamroller stalls and an era draws to a close.
This team bore absolutely no resemblance to the fearsome European Giant that
lit up the 2013 Women’s Euro. The squad that mesmerized us with that
high-octane run to the semi-finals in 2011 may now be officially described as
“un-revivable.” Dead. The end. Time to rebuild. What a massive flop! Your
friendly bookie expected that Lotta Schelin’s form would be down a tick given
her age…but he also expected her to get at least ONE shot on goal! Beyond
Belief!Let's unravel this mess, beginning with your friendly bookie’s early doubts.
I had my suspicions about Pia’s 4-4-2 from the outset. A
38-year-old midfielder in charge of distribution? Sure Sjörgan’s skill for set
pieces meant her presence was required, but why start her? Sjörgan’s form tanked along with that
of Dahlkvist and Caroline Seger. The lumbering attack was all too exploitable,
and the Kader far too thin.
They did themselves no favors with that awful debut against the Nigerians. We know now that the “Super Falcons” weren’t that talented of a team. It was more a case of the Swedes being THAT bad. We saw slow and daft play from just about every player on the pitch. Kosare Assllani in particular had a nightmare first half. Not the type of play one wants to see from the young lynchpin.
They did themselves no favors with that awful debut against the Nigerians. We know now that the “Super Falcons” weren’t that talented of a team. It was more a case of the Swedes being THAT bad. We saw slow and daft play from just about every player on the pitch. Kosare Assllani in particular had a nightmare first half. Not the type of play one wants to see from the young lynchpin.
I wrote that Pia’s 4-4-2 appeared “inflexible”. Moreover, it
seemed as if it couldn’t “run on replacement parts”. She simply didn’t have
great options off the bench. All she could do was move Jakobsson back and
introduce Nillsson against the States. The results of that queef of a game
speak for themselves. Even more awful results against the Aussies and the
Krauts. Moving Rubensson into the midfield produced nothing. Only Jakobsson
looked like she wanted to be on the turf playing.
It gets worse. The early elimination almost certainly means
the Swedes won’t participate in the 2016 Olympics. Pia is surely set to resign.
Schelin, Sjörgan, Rohlin, Seger, and Fischer are all at an age when it’s time
to contemplate retirement. Expect an entirely “new-look” side captained to
either Asllani or Illestadt to contest for the 2017 European Championship.
Twenty-four months is more than enough time to execute a 180-degree-turnaround.
Nevertheless, the journey it must begin with a swift house clearing. That
process begins now.
LETS ROCK THE LINES!
Friday—
Deutschland vs. France
vs. 
It’s a blockbuster. One way or another it will make for a
splendid write-up. The world’s number three faces off against the world’s
number one in a dream matchup that will amaze us amateur tacticians
irrespective of the outcome. One honestly couldn’t hope for a better fixture.
This will be off the chain. If only I could be in Karlsruhe or my beloved “K-Town” ; ( I’d forfeit part of my anatomical manhood for a taste of the atmosphere ; (
This will be off the chain. If only I could be in Karlsruhe or my beloved “K-Town” ; ( I’d forfeit part of my anatomical manhood for a taste of the atmosphere ; (
This seems oddly familiar. It’s almost as if this happened
just last year. Wait a second….memories surface. A snout pokes out.
From WM 2014—Quarterfinals:
Friday—
Deutschland vs. France
vs. 
Why are the Krauts so sour? What’s with all the
navel-gazing, the second-guessing, and the deeply dark fatalism? Why are German
Bookies writing despondent diatribes like this?
From WM 2014—Day 18 Recap
WAS WAR EIGENTLICH DENN DAS, JUNGS!?!
Verdammt. You sacred the shit out of us! Now the whole
damn country’s pessimistic about our chances. Dallied a bit this morning to
pick up the vibe around the news kiosks, outdoor cafes, and betting parlors.
Not one damn Kraut likes our chances. It’s a deeply cynical and despondent
country of course. German fatalism is…well it’s a part of life. Nevertheless,
we’ve reasonable and sensible questions that need to be answered.
1) Why is Löw still deploying four centerbacks?
2) Why did Lahm start IN THE MIDFIELD AGAIN last night?!?
3) Why has this German Mannschaft played PROGRESSIVELY WORSE in EVERY
SINGLE MATCH?!?
Ach du Scheiße. I’m not mad at the Jungs. Well…perhaps
Mustafi, Götze, and Höwedes for playing so poorly. Otherwise, they fought hard
and created chances against an Algerian side that was all heart. Tough
competition last night. Even after we wore them down and they could do little
other than trip over their own feet they still pulled back a goal to destroy my
spread in the 120th. It wasn’t their fault that M’Bohli proved so
spectacular.
Not really mad at the players. They deserved their “fun
in the sun”. They’ve probably earned another day off. The bulk of my rage is
reserved for “Mr. Rain God”. Löw remains a good technical trainer and a class
act of a person. He still rolled out what was perhaps the most incredibly
stupid fucking lineup this bookie has ever seen last night. With the whole
world screeching for Lahm, Durm, and fucking fullbacks in general, he selected
a meek eleven that showed no intent to remedy the reality that….
This German Mannschaft played PROGRESSIVELY WORSE in EVERY SINGLE MATCH?!?
….
Oh you better make the right moves this time, Mr. “Wet
T-Shirt Contest Winner”. Make the Semis or you’re toast. Have your resignation
letter typed up and ready to turn into the DFB. We don’t settle for the
Quarterfinals in the Fatherland. We’ll forgive you for not bringing any
trophies home so long as you keep making the Semis. After eight years, I know
you want another shot. PROVE IT. NOW!
….
Hence, he and Mertesacker can stay (assuming Hummels
isn’t fit). Otherwise, FUCK THIS FOUR CENTERBACK APPROACH. It’s dumb football.
I reiterate that theMannschaft has played PROGRESSIVELY WORSE in EVERY
SINGLE MATCH.
Integrate fullbacks into the attack. How many times to I
have to tell you. WHERE THE HELL IS DURM?!?!
Arrghhh. This man has been coaching this team for too
long. He can’t see the forest for the trees. Win on Friday or we’re sending you
packing.
Are we unfairly berating our team for what was, after all,
a WIN? Isn’t it wrong to expect that one’s country wins every one convincingly?
Not one World Championship team kissed the trophy without at least one bad
match and lots of luck along the way. It’s tournament football. Luck ALWAYS
factors into the equation. Are we being a mite too harsh?
The answer is no and I’ll tell you why. We Krauts
actually couldn’t give less of a shit about capturing the World Championship.
Win or lose, we’ll be satisfied. The point is to make the semifinals. Even if
we lose in the Semis, we still get a chance to play in the Third Place Match.
Even if we lose that one, it’s still okay. A place in the semis guarantees
SEVEN full instances of “Matchday in the Fatherland”. That’s the most one can
hope to get out of this tournament. We want the MAXIMUM number of matches.
Once again, I’ll elaborate. We Germans aren’t allowed to
wave our flag and cheer our country. It’s forbidden. You know why it’s taboo,
so let’s skip that part. Seven chances to express pride in our country isn’t
too much to ask. Löw must deliver or find himself cashing unemployment checks
come Monday morning. I’m only telling you ONE MORE TIME, Jogi:
1) Lahm at Right Back
2) Durm at Left Back
You fucking heed my advice. Don’t you dare deprive my
Fatherland of two more chances to escape the gloom and doom. Should you fail
us, it’s over for you.
France rolls in as the heavy favorites. The injured
Schweine and Khedira will have great difficulty contesting 50-50s against
Matuidi, Pogba and Cabaye in the midfield. Hummels and Kroos are still
recovering from the flu. Nevertheless, your friendly bookie will be kind. He
exploits your national pride. It’s only fair that you be given the opportunity
to exploit his. Otherwise I’d be that irritating immature piss-ant who takes his
ball home after the other neighborhood kids insult his fragile, puerile ego.
The Mannschaft gets a +1 Spread. Good luck, gentlemen.
Wow. That’s truly something. Your friendly bookie never
tires of reading the intriguing earlier works of a washed-up, burnt-out pseudo
writer….otherwise known as your friendly bookie.
What did he have to say one day later?
From WM 2014—Day 20 Recap:
Goodbyes
Section
France
—“Les Bleaus”
-4
Games Played
-10
Goals Scored
-108
Hot Girls
Oh-la-la.
This bookie’s French “Ames” were so quick to dismiss the Ribery injury as
inconsequential. Greizemann and Matuidi could easily fill that gap, they said.
The controversial decision to leave Samir Nasri at home? They pooh-poohed that
one with gushing praise for Pogba and Cabaye. Well…you could have really used
either one of them last night. Mrs. Nasri is one batshit insane bitch for
immediately taking to Twitter after the French loss, but she has a point.
You
got completely shut down in the middle of the park. Benzema, Valbuena, and
Griezman made the most of what chances they were given, which happened to be
few and far between. The striking trio all too often found themselves on the
defensive end of matters. Bizarrely enough, they were more often seen clearing
German cutbacks in the defensive third than in the danger area. Matuidi and
Cabaye simply didn’t win enough of the one vs. one battles with Kroos and
Schweine. A very good team thus heads home after a tightly contested match that
I cannot imagine was much fun for the neutrals out there. A plus tard!
Benzema,
Valbuena, and Evra all had worthy efforts stopped by Neuer. Manuel’s casual
parry of Benzema’s rocket in the games dying moments. Nevertheless, Schürrle
and Müller squandered much better chances. Moreover, Klose should have been
awarded a penalty after Debuchy hauled him down early in the first half. The
best team won. The victory was 100 percent earned.
Ze
French are like family to those of us living in Karlsruhe. We’re situated only
a few kilometers from the French border. Many Frogs live and work in the area.
Even more Germans take advantage of lower land prices in the French countryside
and commute into Karlsruhe to work. Hop in the car and half of the radio
stations your antennae will pick up are French. Speaking of hopping in the car,
it’s only a 40-minute ride to Strasbourg (The “City of Dreams”)! It’s the
perfect Romantic Weekend Getaway. Your friendly bookie hops over there as often
as he can; at least once a month on average.
Accordingly,
about a third of the audience over at the brewery last night enthusiastically
sang “La Marseillaise”. Those of us from Southwest Germany sung along with
them….albeit a little less enthusiastically : ). After the game it was hugs and
congratulations all around. They’re family! We forgive them for taking
Strasbourg back…if only because they’ve done such a fantastic job with it.
Let’s
draw it up for our “Border Brothers”!
So much work…for so few friends!! That’s how much your
friendly bookie loves you ; ) I’ll
write myself into a coma for you rubes. Our bond makes a mockery of quantum
chemistry. It’s THAT fucking ridiculous. ; ) ; )
Let’s focus on the upcoming match, beginning with our
traditional detailed assessment of the Fatherland.
LINEUP—Deutschland
(Match One) (4-4-2)
Anja
Mittag Celia Okoyino da Mbabi
|
Alexandra Popp
Simone Laudehr
|
Lena Gößling Melanie Leupholz
|
Tabea
Kemme Leonie Maier
|
Saksia Bartusiak Annike
Krahn
|
Nadine Angerer
|
LINEUP—Deutschland
(Match Two) (4-2-3-1)
Celia Okoyino da Mbabi
|
Anja Mittag
|
Alexandra Popp Simone
Laudehr
|
Lena
Gößling Dzenisfer
Marozsan
|
T.
Kemme S.Bartusiak A. Krahn L. Maier
|
Nadine Angerer
|
LINEUP—Deutschland
(Match Three) (4-2-3-1)
Celia Okoyino da Mbabi
|
Dzensifer Marozsan
|
Lena Lotzen
Sara Däbritz
|
Melanie Behringer Melanie Leupholz
|
J.
Cramer B. Peter A. Krahn B. Schmidt
|
Nadine Angerer
|
LINEUP- (Match Four—PROJECTED)
(4-4-2)
Celia Sasic Anje Mittag
|
Alexandra
Popp Simone Laudehr
|
Dzensifer Marozsan
Melanie Leupholz
|
Tabea
Kemme Leonie Maier
|
Saskia Bartusiak
Annike Krahn
|
Nadine Angerer
|
LINEUP- (Match Four—ACTUAL)
(4-2-3-1)
Celia Okoyino da Mbabi
|
Alexandra
Popp Anje Mittag Simon Laudehr
|
Mealnie Leupholz Lena Gößling
|
Tabea Kemme Leonnie Maier
|
Sakskia Bartusiak Annike Krahn
|
Nadine Angerer
|
Maroszan didn’t get the initial nod, but Neid didn’t waste
any time subbing her in after the restart. Leupholz’s work on the left side was
quite worthy. I’d like to see her start there again.
Mittag can serve as a short striker all day long insofar as I’m concerned. Gößling’s positioning doesn’t matter as long as she’s placed in charge of the majority of the set-pieces.
Mittag can serve as a short striker all day long insofar as I’m concerned. Gößling’s positioning doesn’t matter as long as she’s placed in charge of the majority of the set-pieces.
Time to file the marks.
Lena Lotzen doesn’t get a grade. She was merely a
“Zeitgewinn Substitution”.
GRADES—Deutschland
(Match One)
Celia Sasic
|
A+
|
Anje Mittag
|
A+
|
Sara Däbritz
|
A+
|
Tabea Kemme
|
A+
|
Leonie Maier
|
A+
|
Simone Laudehr
|
A+
|
Lena Gößling
|
A+
|
Lena Peterman
|
A+
|
Alexandra Popp
|
A
|
Melanie Behringer
|
A
|
Melanie Leupholz
|
A-
|
Saskia Bartusiak
|
B
|
Annike Krahn
|
B-
|
Nadine Angerer
|
C+
|
GRADES—Deutschland
(Match Two)
Alexandra Popp
|
A+
|
Dzsenifer Marozsan
|
A
|
Anja Mittag
|
A
|
Leonie Maier
|
A
|
Simone Laudehr
|
A
|
Tabea Kemme
|
A
|
Celia Sasic
|
B+
|
Nadine Angerer
|
B
|
Sara Däbritz
|
B-
|
Lena Gößling
|
B-
|
Saskia Bartusiak
|
C
|
Lena Lotzen
|
C-
|
GRADES—Deutschland
(Match Three)
Melanie Leupholz
|
A+
|
Lena Peterman
|
A+
|
Josephine Henning
|
A
|
Babett Peter
|
A
|
Dzensifer Marozsan
|
A
|
Melanie Behringer
|
A
|
Sara Däbritz
|
A-
|
Nadine Angerer
|
A-
|
Anje Mittag
|
A-
|
Celia Sasic
|
B+
|
Bianca Schmidt
|
B
|
Jennifer Cramer
|
B
|
Annike Krahn
|
C+
|
Lena Lotzen
|
C
|
GRADES—Deutschland
(Match Four)
Nadine Angerer
|
A+
|
Anje Mittag
|
A+
|
Alexandra Popp
|
A+
|
Dzensifer Marozsan
|
A+
|
Tabea Kemme
|
A+
|
Celia Sasic
|
A+
|
Leonie Maier
|
A
|
Lena Gößling
|
A
|
Melanie Leupholz
|
A-
|
Jennifer Cramer
|
A-
|
Simone Laudehr
|
B+
|
Annike Krahn
|
B
|
Saskia Batusiak
|
C
|
Maroszan’s finish in the 88th was heavenly. I
care not whether she intended it or unintentionally slid into it. Kemme and
Maier just keep coming through. To hell with what the skeptics say. Mittag’s
tally serves as a textbook example of how any footballer should make good use
of space.
Sasic showed amazing awareness with her pinpoint header. Bartusiak’s suspension means nothing. I have faith in Babette Peter. We look to be unstoppable….until one considers the obscene talent of the “Froggy Fawns”….
Sasic showed amazing awareness with her pinpoint header. Bartusiak’s suspension means nothing. I have faith in Babette Peter. We look to be unstoppable….until one considers the obscene talent of the “Froggy Fawns”….
Everyone knows that my tumultuous relationship with ze
French essentially made The Syndicate. The most
quoted/treasured/re-posted/re-tweeted/loved line that your friendly bookie ever
wrote came from 2010’s “Attack of the Syndicate”
From WM 2010—Round One:
“Never
a shortage of reasons to hate the Frogs, particularly if you happen to be a
German EU-Proponent. This Greek Crisis gave the other half of the Franco-German
Engine more opportunities to propose fantastically stupid grandiose ideas that
the Germans end up paying for. A European Monetary Fund (EMF) to protect YOUR bond purchases? Solidarity always sounds like a great idea until you send us the bill. ; ( Naturally I could go on and on, bitching about the Airbus Board, the Sarkozy-Villepin nonsense, anti-music piracy laws, and continued West African oppression. Loads of stuff to love about ze French as well……
…..
….
….
“Sometimes,
however, it simply feels like having a hot, chronically depressed, depressed
chain-smoking girlfriend who brings the thunder in the sack, yet never shuts up
and never picks up the check.”
….
….
….
Nice little peek into my soul, no? Enough. Here’s what
leaves me scared this time:
1) The left side looks even more dangerous after the
re-introduction of Lousia Necib. Leupholz and Kemme have been spectacular, but
how long can they sustain?
2) Camile Abily, Marie Laure-Delie, and Laure Bolleau’s
combination play left me breathless. They combined for a 4th minute
goal that shook me to the core. That’s how one manufactures a “Team Goal”.
Neither Krahn nor Peter can hope to defend something like that!
3) Eugenie Le Sommer and Delie might be communicating
through some variant of telekenisis. They know just how to place the ball on
one another’s boot. Scary stuff. Not looking forward to them switchfooting
Angerer.
4) Amandine Henry is dangerous from range. She can unleash
from thirty yards at any given time.
5) Renard and Georges may have let frustration get the
better of them in recent matches, but I can’t think of a more frightening pair
of impenetrable centerbacks to face off against.
6) Elodie Thomis knows how to finish…unlike most women. The
Olympique Lyon forward only needs the right delivery. It’s “Game Over”
Thereafter.
Those are my fears. “Nough Said. Prepare for an “instant
classic” with plenty of talking points.
Projected
Lineups:
“Die
Nationalelf”—(4-2-3-1)
Celia Sasic
|
Alexandra Popp Anje Mittag Simone Laudehr
|
Melanie Leupholz
Lena Gößling
|
Tabea
Kemme Leonie Maier
|
Babette
Peter Annike
Krahn
|
Nadine Angerer
|
“Les
Bleaus”—(4-4-2)
Eugenie Le Sommer Marie-Laure Delie
|
Louisa Necib
Elodie Thomis
|
Camile Abily
Amandine Henry
|
Laure
Bolleau Jessica Hourara
|
Wendy
Renard Laura Georges
|
Sarah Bouhaddi
|
THE
LINE: Mannschaft +1 Goal
Prop Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own)
Over/Under—4 Goals
120 Minutes—Straight Up
Penalty Shootout—Straight Up
China PR vs. USA
vs. 
It’s a rematch of 1999 Final! More importantly, should
America get bitschslapped by a bunch of filthy commies, few of my Stateside
Syndicate Members will ever even attempt to give a shit about Women’s Football
for the rest of their natural lives ; ( Uh-oh. Tension rises. The very fabric
of the Syndicate sits on the line! The Yanks sure as hell better come through!
No chapter in the “Football Apologists Handbook” can hope to save me should
they falter! HELP!
The hijinks above are obviously elucidated in jest. No one
should seriously contemplate the possibility of a Chinese upset. I may
genuinely like the colorful antics of Hao Wei, the sharp play of Wang Lisi, the
awesome curling of Han Peng, and the completely unexpected footwork of Wang
Shanshan…..but the Steel Roses are totally overmatched. The U.S. will prevail.
They may do it ugly or they may do it pretty. A victory remains a foregone
conclusion.
Ideally, this “Quarterfinal Respite” will afford Jill Ellis
a perfect opportunity to right her wobbly ship. Below you’ll find my full
thoughts on how the lineup can be tailored to reflect your Championship
Aspirations. If I’ve written it once, I’ve written it a thousand times: “a
little bit of adversity can prove a great help provided the right lessons are
drawn”.
You’ll win. See you in the Semis.
LINEUP—USA
(Match One) (4-4-2)
Abby
Wambach Sydney Leroux
|
Meghan
Rapinoe
Christian Press
|
Carli Lloyd Lauren
Holiday
|
M. Klingenberg Ali
Krieger
|
Julie Johnston Becky Sauerbrunn
|
Hope Solo
|
LINEUP—USA
(Match Two) (4-4-2)
Sydney
Leroux Christian Press
|
Meghan
Rapinoe
Morgan Brian
|
Carli Lloyd Lauren
Holiday
|
M. Klingenberg Ali
Krieger
|
Julie Johnston Becky
Sauerbrunn
|
Hope Solo
|
LINEUP—USA
(Match Three) (4-4-2)
Abby
Wambach Alex Morgan
|
Tobin Heath
Meghan Rapinoe
|
Carli Lloyd Lauren
Holiday
|
M. Klingenberg Ali Krieger
|
Becky Sauerbrunn Julie Johnston
|
Hope Solo
|
LINEUP—USA
(Match Four—PROJECTED)
(4-4-2)
Sydney Leroux Christian
Press
|
Meghan Rapinoe Alex
Morgan
|
Carli Lloyd Lauren Holiday
|
M.
Klingenberg Ali
Krieger
|
Becky Sauerbrunn Julie Johnston
|
Hope Solo
|
LINEUP—USA
(Match Four—ACTUAL)
(4-4-2)
Alex Morgan Abby Wambach
|
Tobin Heath Meghan Rapinoe
|
Carli Lloyd Lauren Holiday
|
M.
Klingenberg Ali Krieger
|
Julie Johnston Becky
Sauerbrunn
|
Hope Solo
|
Might as well declare Alex Morgan totally fit. It was
surprising to see her get the start up front alongside Wambach. One anticipates
she’ll spearhead the attack this time provided Ellis is wise enough to switch
to the 4-3-3. Giving Heath a shot on the left flank. Rapinoe looks better on
the right. Such a shame we can’t see those two reprise their wing positions in
this one.
Something needs
to be one about central defensive midfield. Hat’s off to Lloyd for another
solid match, but she’s simply not strong enough to play flight director. Ellis
either needs to move her up or be über-fastidious in selecting her complement.
To my eyes it appeared that Johnston and Sauerbrunn switched again! Damn.!
Figure it out, girls!
GRADES—USA
(Match One)
Meghan Rapinoe
|
A+
|
Ali Krieger
|
A+
|
Tobin Heath
|
A
|
Becky Sauerbrunn
|
A
|
Alex Morgan
|
A
|
Abby Wambach
|
A
|
Julie Johnston
|
A-
|
Sydney Leroux
|
B
|
Christian Press
|
B-
|
Meghan Klingenberg
|
B-
|
Hope Solo
|
B-
|
Lauren Holiday
|
C+
|
Carli Lloyd
|
C+
|
GRADES—USA
(Match Two)
Meghan Klingenberg
|
A+
|
Julie Johnston
|
A+
|
Becky Sauerbrunn
|
A+
|
Carli Lloyd
|
A
|
Morgan Brian
|
A-
|
Amy Rodriguez
|
B+
|
Ali Krieger
|
B-
|
Abby Wambach
|
B-
|
Hope Solo
|
B-
|
Meghan Rapinoe
|
C+
|
Alex Morgan
|
C
|
Sydney Leroux
|
C
|
Christian Press
|
C
|
GRADES—USA
(Match Three)
Abby Wambach
|
A+
|
Alex Morgan
|
A+
|
Meghan Rapinoe
|
A+
|
Julie Johnston
|
A+
|
Lauren Holiday
|
A
|
Hope Solo
|
A
|
Becky Sauerbrunn
|
B+
|
Ali Krieger
|
B
|
Tobin Heath
|
B
|
Shannon Boxx
|
B-
|
Sydney Leroux
|
B-
|
Meghan Klingenberg
|
B-
|
Carli Lloyd
|
C+
|
No marks for Chalupny. She came on too late.
GRADES—USA
(Match Four)
Alex Morgan
|
A+
|
Christian Press
|
A
|
Tobin Heath
|
A
|
Morgan Brian
|
A-
|
Julie Johnston
|
A-
|
Becky Sauerbrunn
|
B+
|
Carli Lloyd
|
B
|
Hope Solo
|
B
|
Meghan Rapinoe
|
B-
|
Abby Wambach
|
C+
|
Ali Krieger
|
C+
|
Meghan Klingenberg
|
C
|
Lauren Holiday
|
C
|
Not exactly a commendable football match, America. ; ( Your
team is much better than this. I expected something much more attractive and
entertaining. So did the rest of the country. With more and more domestic eyes
focusing on this tournament, this wasn’t exactly the best time to play
tentative and choppy.
Poor rhythm. Very few combinations. Lousy services. Irresponsibly clumsy fouls. Many new recruits to U.S. Women’s football were supplied with a yawn. Don’t take pride in the Columbian victory, girls. You’ll have to improve greatly if you wish to win over your country and retain a prayer against the Krauts.
Poor rhythm. Very few combinations. Lousy services. Irresponsibly clumsy fouls. Many new recruits to U.S. Women’s football were supplied with a yawn. Don’t take pride in the Columbian victory, girls. You’ll have to improve greatly if you wish to win over your country and retain a prayer against the Krauts.
Ellis comes under fire from many commentators. Her selection
and substitutions didn’t make much tactical sense. Her cheery demeanor after
something of a lucky escape seemed misplaced. Personally, I approve of the
vocal criticisms of the U.S. Fans. It’s fantastic to witness that sort of
passion for a sport that I’m unequivocally in love with.
Nevertheless, let’s call a Spade a Spade. Too much media focus on Ellis’s attitude amounts to a needless distraction. Sam’s Angels fought a scrappy fight that at times was downright ugly. Immaterial. They got through and now have ample opportunity to rectify those issues. This bookie remains of the opinion that they will.
Nevertheless, let’s call a Spade a Spade. Too much media focus on Ellis’s attitude amounts to a needless distraction. Sam’s Angels fought a scrappy fight that at times was downright ugly. Immaterial. They got through and now have ample opportunity to rectify those issues. This bookie remains of the opinion that they will.
Suspensions for Rapinoe and Holliday may constitute a
blessing in disguise. Trainer Ellis hitherto hasn’t had the courage to deploy a
more attack-minded 4-3-3. Her mindset remains overly defensive. I actually
berated her for restraining Rapinoe in the second match.
The loss of two of her top midfielders now force her hand. She simply has to roll out more attackers. Moreover, the crucial tandem may very well benefit from a few extra days of rest at this critical phase.
The loss of two of her top midfielders now force her hand. She simply has to roll out more attackers. Moreover, the crucial tandem may very well benefit from a few extra days of rest at this critical phase.
Scroll down a hair and you’ll see that I advocate placing
Morgan in between Leroux and Press in a Classic “Siege Mentality” 4-3-3. Heath
established herself as a playmaker on the left flank. She can stay put. Brian’s
“stay-at-home” tendencies leave me worried, but there simply isn’t a better
choice for a complement on the wing. I don’t think Boxx can quite cut it and
Heather O’Reilly is more of a central midfielder.
Lloyd has experienced all manner of problems as a midfield
“Flight Director”, but perhaps the solution has been starring us in the face
this whole time: Let her run it ALONE! She has the technical ability to manage
the flux. Let’s see her do it. I’ll advocate one more change and, no, it has
nothing to do with my crush on Kelley O’Hara.
Klingenberg looks gassed. So does her fellow fullback Krieger. Ali remains far too important to leave out. Give Klingenberg the night off and watch a very talented player step in to solve our service issues.
Klingenberg looks gassed. So does her fellow fullback Krieger. Ali remains far too important to leave out. Give Klingenberg the night off and watch a very talented player step in to solve our service issues.
Did I just start this write-up referring to the U.S. as
“your” team and conclude with a sentence referencing “our service issues”?
Guilty as charged. Your friendly bookie becomes more invested with each keystroke.
Sigh. ; ( I had a sinking feeling this might happen ; (
“WE’LL” win!
Projected
Lineups:
“The
Steel Roses”—(4-2-3-1)
Wang Shansan
|
Han
Peng Wang Lisi
|
Tang Jilai
|
Ren Guixan Tan Ruyin
|
Liu Li Zhao Wu
|
Wang Fei
|
“The
Stars and Stripes”—(4-3-3)
Sydney Leroux A. Morgan Christian Press
|
Tobin Heath Morgan
Brian
|
Carli Lloyd
|
Kelley
O’Hara Ali
Krieger
|
Julie Johnston Becky
Sauerbrunn
|
Hope Solo
|
THE
LINE: USA +2 Goals
Prop Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own)
Over/Under—4 Goals
120 Minutes—2 to 1
Penalty Shootout—3
to 1
Saturday—
Australia vs. Japan
vs. 
Projecting the Japanese Lineup proves more difficult than
one might expect. Norio Sasaki has thus far utilized all twenty-three of his
players, including his two backup goalkeepers. The man clearly has long-term
plans. This bookie wasn’t convinced of their inherent strength prior to the
Dutch Match. Those 90 minutes changed his mind.
I now think we see an organized and technical team which can reasonably hope to repeat. Sasaki will work them hard on the training pitch and select the right eleven. Cinderella goes home. That’s my prognostication.
I now think we see an organized and technical team which can reasonably hope to repeat. Sasaki will work them hard on the training pitch and select the right eleven. Cinderella goes home. That’s my prognostication.
Butt and van Egmond match up well against Sawa and
Sameshima, but that means nothing if Sasaki drops Ohno back or opts to sit
Utsugi. I’m not willing to bet against whatever this head coach concocts. With
all due respect to Syndicate Member 78-M, Lisa de Vanna can’t lead the Matildas
past a vastly superior team.
If I’m wrong, I’ll happily profess my belief in fairies. For
now, I don’t believe that gumdrops will split the sky.
The Aussies can’t repeat the splendor of the 2015 AFC Final.
Period.
Projected
Lineups:
“The
Waltzing Matildas”—(4-2-3-1)
Kyah Simon
|
Samantha
Kerr
Lisa De Vanna
|
Emily van Egmond
|
Elise
Kellond-Knight Tameka Butt
|
S. Uzunlar A. Kennedy L. Alleway C. Foord
|
Lydia Williams
|
“Nadeshiko”—(4-4-2)
Shinob Ohno Yuki Ogimi
|
Aya
Miyama Nahomi
Kawasumi
|
R. Utsugi H. Sawa
|
Aya Sameshima Sari Ariyoshi
|
Yuri Kawamura Saki Kumagai
|
Ayumi Kaihori
|
THE
LINE: Japan +1 Goal
Prop Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own)
Over/Under—3 Goals
120 Minutes—Straight Up
Penalty Shootout—2 to 1
Canada vs. England
vs. 
I like your chances, St. George. We’ve got ourselves a
good-old-fashioned “Colonial Battle” and, for once, the old hats will prevail.
John Herdman vs. Mark Sampson. That in itself counts as an orgasmic cerebral
matchup. Two young coaches under pressure. Who will select the winning lineup?
Excellent question. If only I could provide you with a worthy answer. All I can
do is give it a good old “college try”.
My money is on Sampson. He’s got a rested Eniola Aluko. He’s
got a very hungry Toni Duggan.
He’s got Jill Scott and Fran Kirby on a hot streak. Sophie Schmidt can’t beat
Fara Williams in central midfield. Claire Rafferty easily crosses over a tired
Jonelle Fillino. Karen Bardsley is experienced enough to absorb the pressure.
The Lionesses go all the way to Finals against Germany.
Let’s play the game.
Projected
Lineups:
“The
Canucks”—(4-3-3)
Christine Sinclair
|
Josee Belanger Melissa
Tancredi
|
Sophie Schmidt
|
Jonelle
Filigno Desiree Scott
|
A. Chapman.
L. Sesselman K. Buchanan R. Wilkinson
|
Erin McLeod
|
“The
Three Lionesses”—(4-3-3)
Toni
Duggan Fran
Kirby
|
Eniola Aluko
|
Jade Moore Jill Scott
|
Fara Williams
|
C. Rafferty
L. Bassett S. Houghton L. Bronze
|
Karen Bardsley
|
THE
LINE: England +1 Goal
Prop Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own)
Over/Under—3 Goals
120 Minutes—Straight Up
Penalty Shootout—2 to 1
GENTLEMEN,
ENTER YOUR WAGERS
