FWM 2015--Round Two

Grüße Syndicate Members,

Twelve matches complete and we are, officially, pimpin all over the world. Give it up for these girls. They can play it to the bone! High-scoring, up tempo matches all around. We’re off to a rollicking jump-start. Absolutely no need to consult the “football apologists handbook”. Even cranky assholes such as myself find ourselves with zero cause for complaint.

The coverage too has proven a pleasant surprise. It’s well scored, called, and scrutinized. Had someone told me a week ago that American play-by-play announcers and female color commentators could properly enrich the experience of watching the beautiful game, I would have smacked you upside the head and called up Martin Tyler sobbing. Somehow it works. The calls have been spot on.

Even the studio crews are surprisingly ungodawful. We could all do without the emergency panel discussions every time Hope Solo sneezes, but otherwise Arianna Hingst and Heather Mitts hold their own. I’m even unperturbed by Eric Wynalda’s sardonic smirk or Alexi Lalas’s gratuitous desk pounding ; )

Perhaps I’m having too much fun…or making too much money. ; )

Caustic quips about broadcasters or highly illegal sports gambling aside, we all know that our month long football festival truly revolves around re-establishing the faded bonds of friendship. It’s been my great privilege to have phoned with nearly a third of you. A somewhat stringent work schedule means I’ve not yet had the pleasure of reaching out to everyone yet, but we’re only just getting started ; )

To those whom haven’t been touched just yet, rest assured that we’ll exchange riffs and reunite just as we always have. We’ll have our Mailbag Section, our Rambling Section, and those treasured long conversations during which we catch up on the events of the past year.

Nothing stands in the way of our Syndicate. Your friendly bookie holds a special place in his heart for each and every last one of you. ; ) Football will unite us all as usual. There’s no better Global Conduit than the Global Game. Let the games continue. Fantastic tournament thus far. 

My Updated Stats:

Spread: 8-4

Straight Up: 9-2-1

Not bad, eh gentlemen? Many of you are down a couple of bills thanks to some of the best line setting this bookie’s done in years. Fret not. It’s all coming back to you in the form of some thoughtful Schwag. Your friendly bookie remains eccentric and demented like that.

Speaking of quality handicapping, let’s get on with it.

Time to rank the countries.

 1) Deutschland 

That’s how we detonate a “Teuton Bomb”, gentlemen. Bumm! Mind the shrapnel. ; ) Yeah…we can probably all agree that it wasn’t the greatest idea to expand this tournament to 24 teams. Sure it seemed like a dynamite promotional idea at the time, but what happens when dynamite teams embarrass an otherwise deserving side?

The Cote d’Ivoire fans didn’t allow the result to damper their enthusiasm, but one still feels for the frustrated six players who picked up yellows and the eight others who really should have after dangerously ugly tackles.

A solid win for my nation means very little going forward. Stronger competition awaits.

Longtime Syndicate members know that we always “draw it up” for your friendly bookie’s “Vaterland”. We analyze lineups and assign grades. Grades are disseminated American Style as this was the country in which I was predominantly educated. Before getting to that, let’s remind everyone just how ruthlessly brutal we Germans can be in terms of football

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Who dares question my Kraut Pride?

Let’s draw it up, beginning with my projected lineup from the Group B Preview:

 Projecting the Kraut Lineup (4-2-3-1) 

Celia Okoyino da Mbabi

Simone Laudhehr             Lena Lotzen

Dzenisfer Marozsan

Lena Goeßling     Melanie Leupholz

Babett Peter S. Bartusiak A. Krahn Bianca Schmidt

Nadine Angerer

Here’s how Sunday’s Lineup looked to me:

  LINEUP—Deutschland (Match One) (4-4-2) 

Anja Mittag  Celia Okoyino da Mbabi

Alexandra Popp             Simone Laudehr

Lena Gößling Melanie Leupholz

Tabea Kemme                         Leonie Maier

Saksia Bartusiak  Annike Krahn

Nadine Angerer

Note that I’m not quite ready to drop Celia Okoyino da Mbabi’s maiden name just yet. ; ) Her heritage remains too important to me. Also note that I only called the positioning of the centerbacks correctly. I honestly didn’t see Mittag getting the nod in a warm-up match.

Additionally, I was very surprised to see Maier and Kemme get the nod as the fullbacks. Kemme in particular happens to be one of those totally unexpected young risers that often pop up out of nowhere. That’s what happens in strong footballing nations with strong youth squads.

Maroszan and Lotzen neither started nor were they substituted. Interesting. I thought for sure that Lotzen had to be the natural replacement for Keßler. Did not foresee Gößling in the starting eleven. Neid’s deep Kader affords her many options. Forecasting might as well be rendered purely moot speculation.

Let’s dole out the grades.

 GRADES—Deutschland (Match One) 

Celia Sasic	A+
Anje Mittag	A+
Sara Däbritz	A+
Tabea Kemme	A+
Leonie Maier	A+
Simone Laudehr	A+
Lena Gößling	A+
Lena Peterman	A+
Alexandra Popp	A
Melanie Behringer	A
Melanie Leupholz	A-
Saskia Bartusiak	B
Annike Krahn	B-
Nadine Angerer	C+

  

Potential injuries to Laudehr, Popp, and Leupholz will be monitored closely. The sheer depth of this team, however, means that no one should have to cause to worry.

 2) Cameroon 

In-fucking-credible. Who the hell saw this coming? Seven days ago I found myself lamenting the footballing woes of poor little cursed Cameroon. A Direct quote lifted from the Group C Preview section reads: “Cameroonian football fans desperately grapple for a piece of good news.

After the embarrassing implosion during the 2014 World Cup—they finished dead last in the event you don’t recall—they narrowly avoided being labeled the absolute worst team in the 2015 African Cup of Nations. Your friendly bookie grows tired of writing negative news about this country’s national team.”

Well then. How does one spell redemption? Evidently it’s spelled:

E-N-G-A-N-A-M-O-U-I-T.

Learn that name. Get used to hearing it. Forget Eric Maxim Chupo Moting, Alex Song, and Samuel Eto’o. Les Indomitables have a new hero. A star is born.

E-N-G-A-N-A-M-O-U-I-T.

I love being proven wrong. Let’s lift some more quotes from that section.

“There simply isn't enough offensive pop to this side”

E-N-G-A-N-A-M-O-U-I-T.

“One cannot see where the goals will come from.”

E-N-G-A-N-A-M-O-U-I-T.

Good Lord. Happy birthday, girl. To hell with Anje Mittag and Celia Sasic. This virtuoso grabbed her own hat trick of goals AND assists.

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Okay. To be fair, I’m actually counting the penalties she drew as “assists”. That’s one way to fudge the data. Presumably there would be more excitement surrounding this side if three of the six goals scored in the romp hadn’t come from the spot.

The overachieving side did manage to get talismanic center forward Madeline Ngonon Mani rolling with an early goal, but Enganamoit’s fancy footwork set that one up. It wasn’t so much a team effort as a dazzling “One Woman Show”.

How far can our newly anointed heroine hope to carry the world’s 52^nd ranked country? Eh…not much further in my estimation. It might all come crashing down immediately. The clock might strike midnight as soon as Friday. It would be very surprising indeed to see them in the top ten come Monday.

Afro-philes such as myself would do well to invest all of their hopes and aspirations in the “Super Falcons” of Nigeria.

Oh well. Those obsessed with the Dark Continent salute our Nubian Queen. One more time!!

E-N-G-A-N-A-M-O-U-I-T.

 3) Norway 

The Grasshoppers’ absolute domination of the War Elephants wasn’t as one-sided as you might expect. Ingrid Hjelmseth provided some excellent “boob-blockage” on a few promising counterattacks.

In addition, this bookmaker didn't quite see as much as he might have expected from Ims, Minde, Wold, and Mjelde. The botched penalty in particular left me skeptical. Haavi, Thornses, and Skammelsrud-Lund didn’t provide much off the bench, in spite of their spirited running.

All of that shouldn’t serve to diminish in any way the virtuosic performance of the “beauties of Thor”. Hegeberg hammered home with all the authority of a true Thunder God. Rønning’s set piece skill and Hervlosen’s ice-cold finishing supplied us with some sublime highlights.

Respect for Haavi and Rønning dates back to 2011, when your friendly bookie wrote the following:

From FWM 2011—Round Two:

“Brazil vs. Norway

  vs. 

Isn’t the mandatory braided hair of the Norwegian women the most adorable coordinated exercise you’ve ever seen? Awwww…such precious little sweeties; an entire team fit for a “Swiss Miss” Cocoa Box. One envisions a harem of Nordic Blondes barely able to suppress their girlish giggles as they braid each other’s silky hair in the locker room. Did this team have a cameo in Monty Python’s “Search for the Holy Grail”?

Beyond stereotyping, Haavi, Stensland, Rønning and Gardsjord have this team playing at least as soulfully as “Jan Gabarek plays with a bunch of moaning Pakistanis”. We’re not quite on “Jan Gabarek plays with the Hilliard Ensemble” level yet, but we’ll get there. A few more kinks remain: more fluid passing, more precise finishing, and better communication. I predict they playing with all the majesty of their interwoven locks before the end of Round 3. Plenty more to come from this squad. Stay tuned.”

One cannot help but drop a Jan Garbarek reference when referring to the Norwegians. He could play with a bunch of barking Sea Lions and still prove classy. He could play with a goddamned automatic dishwasher and you would still flip your shit! The man soothes the saxophone like it’s a piece of….well you know….five letters….rhymes with “wussy”.

Manager Even Pellerud would do well to start “elf-girl” Emile Haavi against the Germans. He might also do well to rest Solveig Gulbrandsen and give Graham Hansen the start in midfield. Icelandic convert Maria Thorisdottir might merit a look too after Wold’s languid performance. Pellerud has something to prove to me. He's been consistently bad in selecting his lineups and choosing her substitutions.

An especially talented Kader leaves me very afraid….though not as afraid as I was one week ago. Ada Hegerberg still scares me. I can see her slicing and dicing through Bartusiak and Krahn.

 4) The Netherlands 

It’s a dream start for the Lovely Leeuwinnen; a start that even neutral observers cannot help but applaud. The Dutch Dames couldn’t manage a goal in the 2013 UEFA Women’s Euro despite a plethora of talented players and very entertaining tactical prowess. The female version of the “Brilliant Oranje” fought hard through the most challenging qualifying schedule of any European Side. With that long slog behind them, they absolutely deserve to earn some attention and respect among the football-mad Dutch populace.

Brilliant performances turned in by budding stars Lieke Martens, Danielle van de Donk, Mandy van der Berg, Manon Melis, and Sherida Spitse. Now some people other than your friendly bookie know who they are! How do you like my “Flying Dutchwomen”, gentlemen? You’ve still more to meet. Annouk Dekker and Dyanne Bito will almost certainly get some more playing time before this is all over.

I had the pleasure of meeting someone new too. I awaited Vivianne Miedema’s debut with the most enthusiastic expectations. Entering the tournament, she was my biggest question mark. Would she shine in her international debut? Would we behold another Rooney, Messi, or Neymar as we did in 2004, 206, and 2013 respectively? Not quite yet, but the girl had her moments. A few flashes of clever inventiveness lead me to believe that we’re not witnessing another Walcott in any case.

She looks perfect as the center-forward of that lethal 4-3-3. We can only hope that injury isn’t serious. 

 5) Nigeria 

Ready to fall in love all over again, gentlemen? They soar! They score! Peerless Avians ascend once more! Your favorite African Nation delivers again. Go “Super Falcons”, go! Christ did they tear up that Winnipeg Pitch. These Falcons sport razor-sharp talons.

Impeccable speed. Opulent flair. Inexhaustible passion. Salute your Delta Queens! What a sizzling match, perhaps the best team performance this football enthusiast has seen all year. That’s how football is supposed to be played.

Who's ready to rock the midnight-green “Super Falcons” Jersey? It will make a fine compliment to the “Super Eagles” triot many syndicate members already own. Full speed ahead with Edwin Okun and the girls!!

I repeatedly warned any and all doubters that this team came to play. Don’t let the socreline fool you. The Super Falcons DOMINATED the Swedes from start to finish. Oshoala, Ordega, Oparanozie, and Okobi didn’t downshift for a split second. I’ve honestly never seen a four-pronged attack fly for 90 minutes in fifth gear. Might as well dub this quartet of ladies the “O-Ordnance”. They fired fast and furious, never even showing the slightest sign of running out of steam. Okun drops to his knees to praise Allah every time they bulge the back of the net.

He’s much to be grateful for. We many very well be witnessing the advent of a “Golden Generation”. Oshoala, Ordega, Oparanazoie, and Okobi are all only twenty-one years of age! Oshoala already plays for Liverpool Ladies. Ordega has experience in the Swedish League and just signed for a stateside squad. Oparanozie hones her skills in France.

Much can made of the fact that Okon didn’t employ a single substitution. What? Isn’t that taboo in tournament football? How can these ladies expect to sustain such prowess?. Won’t they tire out? Not necessarily. Okun has plenty of other options at his disposal. He has a trio of other young forwards in Courtney Dike, Loveth Ayila, and Esther Sunday. Pompey Prodigy Iniabasi Umotong remains another option. If need be, Perpetua Nkwocha can come off the bench late for one last moment of magic.

The depth of attackers on this squad is ridiculous. They could conceivably take the entire tournament. No, I’M NOT KIDDING. Consider yourselves warned, Stateside Bettors. You’ve got a date with the hottest team on the planet in Round Three.

 6) USA 

Bravo, Yanks. A stellar debut in the “Group of Death”. Wambach’s failure to time her headers proved immaterial. She more than eradicated such lapses with her fiery leadership. Similar accolades are in order for Captain Meghan Rapinoe. In fairness, her initial goal should have been listed as an OG for Laura Alleway. We’ll let her keep it thanks to that emphatic celebration. THAT’S HOW ONE LEADS! Pump your fists and get everyone hyped up. We should all hope to lead so effectively. 

Another reason Rapinoe deserves to retain the credit for the opening goal involves her scintillating tally in the second 45. Good God that was a radiant piece of skill. She carried the ball for a solid thirty yards, patiently drawing the defense before finishing clinically. Resplendent! Have I mentioned how I love your captain? Of course I have! Glorious brace, Talisman. Er…let me know if you’re ever willing to give men another shot. Just let me know.

Let’s draw it up, brothers. Here’s the projected lineup from the Group D Preview:

 Projecting the American Lineup (4-2-3-1) 

Abby Wambach

Megan Rapinoe

Heather O’Reilly      Alex Morgan

Morgan Brian  Carli Lloyd

K. O’Hara C. Rampone B. Sauerbrunn A. Krieger

Hope Solo

Here’s the actual lineup (as it looked to me):

 LINEUP—USA (Match One) (4-4-2) 

Abby Wambach Sydney Leroux

Meghan Rapinoe             Christian Press

Carli Lloyd   Lauren Holiday

Meghan Klingenberg      Ali Krieger

Julie Johnston  Becky Sauerbrunn

Hope Solo

Leroux’s start wasn’t really all that surprising. Wasn’t surprised to see Christian Press either. Alex Morgan’s lingering injury problems left her the clear choice. I suppose I wasn’t surprised to see Julie Johnston in place of Christine Rampone either. Always best to go with youth. Klingenberg in place of O’Hara was a curious move.

Switching Lloyd over to the left side is perfectly explainable. Love the choice of Leroux up front with Wambach. Maybe it didn’t work out so well this time, but might yet reap dividends. Heather O’Reilly’s comments on artificial turf cost her a place. That’s the way I see it, anyway.

Time for the grades. Morgan Brian doesn’t get one. She came on far too late.

 GRADES—USA (Match One) 

Meghan Rapinoe	A+
Ali Krieger	A+
Tobin Heath	A
Becky Sauerbrunn	A
Alex Morgan	A
Abby Wambach	A
Julie Johnston	A-
Sydney Leroux	B
Christian Press	B-
Meghan Klingenberg	B-
Hope Solo	B-
Lauren Holiday	C+
Carli Lloyd	C+

Why such harsh marks for Christian Press? She took far too long to figure out her positioning. Lauren Holiday and Carli Lloyd earn similarly rigid evaluations for the same reason. Julie Johnston’s grades are a bit inflated for her totally unexpected moves. Morgan and Heath did well…for substitutes. They might have been graded worse had they not been fresh-legged.

All in all, a decent debut for “Sam’s Angels”. A 2015 Championship remains a strong possibility.

 7) France 

Eugenie Le Sommer has a very nice chest…and she uses that chest to control driven through balls. The opening sentence screams for puerile attempts at a double entendre, but your friendly bookie is dead serious. She finished with a brilliance that Oliver Giroud could barely hope to emulate. What an astute move it was to place her upfront alongside Thiney.

The “tenacious tandem” produced a goal in a match that weather conditions and medieval rivalries would keep slow and physical. Henry and Hourara performed well too. Necib’s talent for set pieces was also on display.

It’s hard not to like what one saw. Your friendly bookie, admittedly enraptured with his “Froggy Fawns”, fearlessly declared that “Les Bleaus” exhibited no discernable weaknesses. Not a damn thing that transpired on the rainy Moncton Pitch served to dispute that opinion. Way to nail it, ma cherie. Thomis and Abily can read each other’s minds. Henry’s ambition mirrors that of Bolleau.

This team will go deep….though not as deep as I’d like to…..

DAMMIT!!

Damned if these French Girlies don’t consistently find a way to put me in the mood ; )

 8) New Zealand 

Told you you’d fall in love with the “Footballl Ferns”, gentlemen. It’s not a mere matter of “Eye Candy”. These girls can really run. Watch how they dash and dart with exceptional heart. Didn’t I tell you about Sarah Gregorius? Didn’t I tell you about Ria Percival? DIDN’T I TELL YOU ABOUT ALI RILEY?

Oh my girl didn’t disappoint. Go my little “Roving Fullback”, Go. She owns the entire pitch! If we could genetically engineer a Franken-Child combining the DNA of Phillip Lahm and Ali Riley we could manufacture the most exciting footballer ever.

So what’s the deal Vicey? Why such arduous passion for a team still seeking their first win on the grand stage? Furthermore, wasn’t the second 45 of that Netherlands match so mind-bogglingly boring that virtually every Syndicate Member switched off the tele and called it a day? To begin with, I disagree that the second half was that poor. It had its moments.

Perhaps a day that began with one of the most thrilling UEFA Champions League Finals ever left everyone a bit spoiled or “footballed out”. The speed, clever lateral play, and deft combinations of this team will wow everyone at some point in this tournament. Mark my words.

Erceg had an “off day”. She’s entitled to one of those. Stott looked uncomfortable at the back and didn’t appear to know her place on the set pieces. Hearn and Bowen didn’t get nearly enough touches. Riley took entirely to long to shake it into high gear. None of this leaves me ready to jettison my belief in their ultimate success. They WILL capture their first three points and WILL get out of this group.

The at times languid opening match couldn’t fairly be described as turgid. For me, it all amounts to a spot of early adversity. Nothing more. Enough bright spots endure. Problems will be addressed and they’ll return stronger.

 9) Brazil 

The Samba Queens met the line and they did so cleanly. We’ll call Formiga’s penalty in the 53^rd clean. Even if Taeguk Nanja had legitimate calls for penalties of their own, it was a deserved penalty. Fabianna had legitimate cause for grievance in the opening minutes too. We haven’t sufficient time to debate the nuance of a match that was surprisingly sloppy and unexpectedly gritty.

Something’s wrong. Trust your friendly bookie on this one. Something’s off. I detect Eddys in the fabric. There appear to be some disturbances in the wash. A dimensional rift tugs at the multi-verse.

This version of A Selecao fails to inspire. The much-discussed overhaul at the back didn’t play poorly. They simply took to long to decide how to generate useful upfield balls. The ideas weren’t there. The requisite creative improvisation never manifested itself. Marta doesn’t look anywhere near the player she was four years ago. The hustle and heart persist, but the elegant aptitude for tricks and flicks were nowhere to be found.

Something’s wrong. Formiga did well to latch on to that loose ball, but one cannot rely on consistent performance from a 37-year-old in a physically demanding tournament. Something is not right. Something is quite wrong. Cristiane seems off too. Are they too old?

Fabianna and Andressa have much to show us yet. That’s the main reason our Female Canaries aren’t ranked lower has everything to do with their potential.

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Something is still wrong. Too many players are tanking. A “Ronaldinho-like” form-dip haunts me. We’ll let them slide this time, but they should remain very afraid of Boquete. 

 10) Canada 

So much for the “Perfect inverse”. I’m already starting to lose faith in that “remarkable turnaround” I presaged days ago. Kudos on the win of course. It was a legitimate penalty and the acquisition of three points is all that really counts at the end of the day. So much for Sinclair and Tancredi reaching peak form. I also didn’t see nearly enough from Moscato, Kyle, Filligno and Desiree Scott. Here comes that sense of foreboding ; (

Let’s talk positives. Sophie Schmidt looked comfortable deployed up front alongside Sinclair. Julien’s absence no longer appears cause for concern. The attack sports depth. Tremendous hustle from rookies Kadeisha Buchanan and Ashley Lawrence. The two 19-year-olds weren’t even close to registering on this oddsmaker’s radar pre-tournament. The centerback and central midfielder poured forward with excellent fervor. Always a treat to witness such splendid play from the young and hungry. These two are far from finished. Something tells me we’ll be talking about them more as the competition progresses.

Herdman has some tinkering to do in order to piece together a more fluid offensive assault. Perhaps he’ll move the rapacious Lawrence over to the wing. Buchanan might as well trade places with Allyssa Chapman. Plenty of veteran options off the bench. Matheson, Wilkinson, Zurrer, and Gayle can all serve as “Super Subs”. We don’t necessarily wish to give the “Canuck Chicks” a full mulligan, but some understanding of the pressure involved in leading off as the hosts is in order. Get over those butterflies quickly, girls. All of the teams in your group still have decent prospects. 

 11) Australia 

Hope floats in the “Group of Death”. De Vanna’s strike showed you that the “Waltzing Matildas” know how to finish. Kyah Simon’s efficient conduct in relief was inspired. Emily van Egmond took the initiative when she needed to.

Caitlin Foord may have been overmatched at times, but she held her own against the superior Ali Krieger. The “Outback Ovaries” may have been deflated by the World’s #2, but that doesn’t mean that Kerr & Co are anywhere near to being confused with quitters.

Stagnant movement in the back can be overcome. Uzunlar can rectify that with a simple team meeting. With all due respect to my incredibly talented “Super Falcons”, it won’t be easy for them to outpace the centerbacks come Friday.

Simon and Barbieri peak at the right time. Kennedy and Polkinghorne have a great deal to show you yet. Call it “blind faith” if you must. They might yet escape the “Group of Death”

 12) Sweden 

Not an impressive debut at all from the suspect Swedes, whom your friendly bookie early on labeled a team flirting with the possibility of a flop. An own goal and two “Crowd Finishes” that the goalscorers knew very little about. Those goals were so ugly that Schelin didn’t even bother gathering the gals for her “Pagan Fertility Circle Dance”. In the preview section I wrote that Pia had her work cut out for her.

Sometimes I truly hate being right. ; ( It proved sad to watch Schelin struggle to keep up with the run of play. Lumbering and languid performances from Caroline Seger and Lisa Dahlkvist were wince inducing.

Kosovare Asslani needs to step up her lateral play if this team is to retain any hope of an implosion. Sjögran just doesn’t have it anymore. Unfortunately, Assllani played completely M.I.A. Sundhage yanked her before the restart. I might have pulled her earlier. Terrible work from the back four improved only slightly with the substitutions of Sembrandt and Illestadt. Yikes.

Sundhage doesn’t have great options going forward. Charlotte Rohlin remains the only established name she has sitting on the bank. The Blaugults are hampered by their over-reliance on an inflexible-looking 4-4-2 that doesn’t look like it can run on replacement parts.

We may be in store for a meltdown of French proportions if they can’t hold their own against the Yanks.  

 13) England 

It’s not as bad as you think. Ellen White will continue to rehab her injury and Toni Duggan will get her chance to ‘own’ her space. Jill Scott has clearly lost a step, but either Jade Moore or Jordan Nobbs will step it up. Lucy Bronze’s sub par performance merely means that either Jodie Taylor, Liane Sanderson, or Fran Kirby deserves a start. Alex Greenwood’s time has come too. Dig deep into your Kader. YOU’VE GOT THE DEPTH!!

* Sigh * It seems like I’m always telling the English to reach deep into their fathomless, sub-aqueous talent pool. It’s limitless! Why is that so fucking hard to understand?!?

Fine. You can keep Lucy Bronze….just like you can keep Roy Hodgson. Keep Claire Rafferty too! I have no more shits to give. Start Casey Stoney for all I care.

Sabotage yourselves once again! It’s no skin off my dick. Go ahead and do yourselves in! Just get it over with already ; (

 14) Japan 

A hard-fought victory doesn’t exactly count, even if it was a fair penalty. It was an absolutely languid performance from Sawa, Miyama, Ohno, and Ando. There goes the neighborhood. The Japs have zero chance of repeating. Sawa and Miyama tired out too quickly. Ando didn’t even come close to being a factor. It’s far too soon to write the Nadeshiko’s eulogy, but what I’ve seen hardly proves promising. Maybe Sugasawa and Kawasumi should start. Maybe.

I fail to understand why Mana Iwabuchi wasn’t at least used as a substitute. For that matter, why not introduce Asuna Tanaka? Your friendly bookie flounders at every last attempt to comprehend the logic behind Asian Teams. Yelling at the South Koreans has become something of a pastime:

http://shadow-scholar-syndicate.blogspot.com/2014/06/wm-2014-group-h-preview.html

http://shadow-scholar-syndicate.blogspot.com/2014/06/wm-2014-day-fifteen-recap.html

That’s but a paltry “sneak preview” of how your friendly bookie thinks!!

 15) Spain 

Can your friendly bookie complete a write-up on a Spanish side without broaching the tired topic of “El Tiki-Taka”? Nyaaaah. I wish it were possible. Why can’t this be possible? Must I really stoop so low? ‘Fraid so ; ( The biggest talking point emerging from the Spanish match revolves around possession. La Roja Feminina enjoyed the Lion’s Share. All of that beautiful passing still left chances at a premium. Grrr…always the same story. A wonderful patchwork quilt of short passing with little to show for it. Insert your own joke about the country here.

It’s nevertheless very much worth noting how much this team has improved from the 2013 incarnation we observed in the Women’s Euro. Veronica Boquete lived up to all the hype. Our Galician Girl didn’t even flirt with disappointing us. She’s downright ferocious in support of Hermoso in that anchoring role. What a fool I was to project her starting as lead striker.

The respect she commands on the pitch enables her to draw as many as three defenders at a time. That, in turn, nearly allowed her to set up Hermoso, Pablos, and Bermudez in the game’s final third. She conducts the entire orchestra. She’s the skewer in the shish kabob. She’s EPIC!. Can’t wait to see what she does against Marta!

Other Chicas fully deserving props include goal-scorer Victoria Losada and Alexia Putellas. Losada was clinical in her work off the short corner. That’s the way it’s done gentlemen. Lure the defense in with the expectation of a cross, and then finish with emphatic flair. Though Putellas’s name wasn’t called very often, her deft touches were very easy on the eyes.

No real reason for the scorching senoritas to feel ashamed of only earning a single point from their opening fixture. The Road gets a great more difficult now, though. Pretty passing won’t be enough this time, girl. You’ll have to find the back of the net!

 16) Columbia 

 

Yorelli Rincon switchfooted with all of the dexterous expertise that we predicted. Dare her to move. Seriously. Watch her rise to the challenge. It proved impossible to stop watching her sublime skill. The maturity of this team is progressing nicely. Rincon went full throttle for 90 minutes. Usme, Montoya, and Andrade manufactured their own chances.

They found their rhythm in spite of a preponderance of first half whistles. They equalized in spite of some shady refereeing. We may not have heard much from Ospina and Ariza, but their persistent defending spoke volumes.

I now know that Las Cafeteras are partial to a 4-2-3-1 that takes advantage of my original choice for the Columbian Talisman: Catalina Usme. Gaitan and C. Arias show undeniable potential on the right side of the pitch. If only they were poised to face off against a team with a weak left side.

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Oops.

Time to call the tournament. Time of Death: Saturday vs. France.

 17) South Korea 

Three Syndicate Members are now officially smitten with South Korean keeper Kim-Jung Mi. Captain Cho So-Hyun may also soon find a few marriage proposals popping up in her e-mail inbox. Even the few homosexual Syndicate Members have written in with high praises for head coach Yeon Deok-Yoo. I know how easy it is to fall for an Oriental, gentlemen. Glad you’re having fun with the latest incarnation of the “Tigers of Asia”. “Taeguk Tenderness” all around. You guys are going to get me in a whole load of trouble. ; )

Put aside your “Asian fantasies” for a moment. The play of this team was far too choppy to engender any hope. I know you loved the shots of all the pretty Korean girls in the stands! I know you loved the perfectly sculpted thighs of Shim Seo-Yun! You’re simply going to have to let it go. The manner in which they hotfooted to win every 50-50 doesn’t mean you’ve got yourself a hot date anytime soon.

As always, the Koreans play with great passion and speed. The lineup still doesn’t match up. Sorry, gentlemen. ; ( ; (

 18) Costa Rica 

Fair enough, “Tico Tarts”. Way to impress everyone by holding your own against a stacked European Side with superior offensive firepower. If you missed the inspired equalizer that cut off the short-lived Spanish celebration, here’s how it played out. Centerback Wendy Acosta didn’t hesitate for a second. Kicking off from the center half, she sent a gorgeous laser to Carolina Venegas.

Marvelous touches from Venegas to bring it down. Even more magical was her awareness of Lixy Rodriguez on the edge of the danger area. Lixy provided us with even better. A sharp cross to Raquel Rodriguez and we were level.

That moment of magic left us all feeling, if only for a brief moment, that we were witnessing a replication of last summer’s “Costa Rican Cinderella Chronicle”. Reality had other plans in mind. The defensive line wilted as the game wore on.

They were lucky to escape with the draw, having gifted the Spaniards so many blatant looks at goal. This Costa Rican side features many names that will become more familiar over the next few years. Their ability to thread the needle with that equalizer is only a taste of their potential.

It’s still too soon to fall in love with a Dark Horse, gentlemen. I know that “American Pharaoh Fever” leaves you tempted, but this team has too many kinks to work out before they shock the world. It a’int happenin. Not yet. Not for these girls. Give them time to complete a few modules at the “School of Hard Knocks”.

 19) China PR 

Your friendly bookie can tell you a bit more about this team now after watching their steely and zealous performance against the hosts in the opener. It appears to my eyes that they roll out a 4-4-1-1, filling the role of anchoring striker by committee. At any given moment in the match, any one of three players in a triangulated midfield pocket would volunteer to step up in support of lead forward Wang Shanshan. At times it was midfielder Li Ying. During other intervals, Wang Lisi or Ren Guixan stepped up. Lisi and left-winger Gu Yashan took their turns assuming the role of lead-center-forward as well.

To illustrate just how difficult it is to handicap the potential of one of these mysterious Asian teams, Wang Shanshan was listed as a central defender on all of the websites I scouted. How in the hell was I supposed to know that she would spearhead the attack? Improved knowledge of this eleven won’t be exponential by any means. My observations barely scratch the surface. Don’t expect this armchair analyst to crack the code.

I can prattle on about how impressed I was by Wang Lisi’s powerful curled long-range effort, but I’m still unsure of what pitch position she officially occupies. I liked Han Peng’s effort in relief, but I couldn’t make heads or tails of the formational shift after the restart. The only position player I know for a fact will hold her position is keeper Wang Fei. She’s awesome! Can’t wait to see her start for Turbine Potsdam.

 20) Thailand 

It could have been a lot worse. Just ask the Ivorians. ; ( It wasn’t a complete nightmare. Kanjana Sung-Ngoen and Silawan Intamee nearly combined early on after a fine run and professionally serviced cross. I really enjoyed watching Warunee Phetwiset’s work up the right flank. How about that brave keeping from Waraporn Boonsing? Orathai Srimanee produced a quality effort as well.

Not a disastrous debut by any stretch of the imagination Good job, gals. Now it gets easier. “Red”, “Yellow”, “urban”, “rural”, “Royal”, and Commie are all proud of you. You remain a team for all affiliations.

I’ve touched on the subject of how there isn’t really such a thing as “bad exposure” when it comes to these minnow teams. Their mere presence will work wonders for the domestic program. From my perspective, I’m excited to learn more about players I hitherto had never heard of. Nice to meet Phetwiset, Intamee, Srimanne, Boonsing, and Sritala.

Wir begrüßen euch!

 21) Mexico 

Profound job of putting us to sleep, Chicas. You completely blew your chance. Charlyn Corral clearly did her job. Where the hell where you, Nayelli Rangel? Veronica Perez opted to show up. Where in the hell were Stephany Mayor and Monica Ocampo? Fine defensive and lateral performances from Kenti Robles and Alina Garciamendez don’t come anywhere close to ameliorating the consequences of this monstrous choke. Bigtime loss here.

La Tri maintains little hope of recovering from this one. Not nearly good enough.

A stolid effort to challenge for loose balls must be maintained. A lack of determined hustle will be punished. El Tri have a paltry few days to rectify this deficiency. It won’t be easy for team that only made two late substitutions. Leonardo Cuellar showed too much faith in his original eleven. Though they may be talented girls, they’ve now logged too many minutes to properly accept the right motivation.

Santiago looks suspect too. Does anyone have Miguel Herrera’s cell phone number?

 22) Switzerland 

Ramona Bachmann fired off a few well-intentioned “warning shots”….and that was all. Shame she couldn’t keep her bearings in the 48^th. Decent movement from Moser, Dickenmann, and Crnogorcevic kept the match up-tempo and entertaining.

One could say that the Schweizer deserved a draw, insofar as it’s possible to have empathy for “La Nati”. Syndicate fiends will have to dig deep to locate an example of their friendly bookie holding his Southern neighbors in high regard. ; )

It dates all the way back to 2004 and drunken night spent in Basel spent asking a bunch of Swiss bar patrons whether or not they liked the “Basel Young Boys” ; ) Fun stuff. Good times. Good times.

I’ve been able to gain some understanding of the “Schweiz System” after finally seeing the women’s team in action. Crnogorcevic serves as neither the “Super Sub” no the “Six-Spot Sweeper”. She’s the left wing back, primarily tasked with watching Bachmann’s forward runs like a hawk. She has no direct compliment on the opposite flank. Fabianna Humm and Eseosa Aigbogun took turns deputizing as stringers for Lara Dickenmann, herself not much of a lateral threat.

The attack thus appears fairly one-dimensional. It’s difficult to see this side fooling the other two teams in this group. Assuming La Tri and Les Indomitables do their homework and find the right player to mimic Bachmann on the training pitch, the Swiss should be easily dispatched. It remains “tournament football” however. Factors such as fatigue and insufficient preparation time might still allow these girls to slip through.

Wälti and Abbe also look to be fairly well organized at the back. If they can close ranks in a disciplined fashion, just about anything is possible.  

 23) Ecuador 

Time to regroup and analyze what’s been working for you…and that would be “not a goddamned thing”. A 0-6 shellacking and a suspended captain. Hell’s bells. That’s about as bad a day at the office as anyone has ever had. Trainer Vanessa Arauz did well to get here three top forwards off that miserable pitch as soon as possible. Velarde, Torres, and Vasquez. Cut, cut, cut. Get ‘em off before it became a full-blown travesty. Wise move.

La Tri have enough depth to ride out the absence of their red-carded leader. They now face the Swiss, a side practically begging to be exploited on set pieces. Arauz should be able to cobble together a promising strategy, provided it doesn’t involve the modified 4-4-2 that obviously put too much pressure on Quinteros. Torres should move up, Quinteros back.

Your friendly bookie stands ready to forecast an unexpected turnaround. His opinion of the Swiss team just so happens to be THAT low. Our first “Upset Special” may be found below. 

 24) Cote d’Ivoire 

Nowhere to go but up. In point of fact, even a 10-0 thumping won’t come close to breaking the Elephantine Spirit. Everyone get a glimpse of the orange-clad fans dancing throughout? These proud fans came to, bang their drums, sing their chants, wave their flags and engage in that beautifully synchronized African-Stand Dancing no matter what. Party on, Cote d’Ivoire! No one will crush the spirit of the Nation of Drogba and Toure. Need I remind you that we’re discussing the reigning African Continental Champions?

This incredible country also happens to be our reigning “Syndicate Champions”. They won our last chapter, a scant four months ago:

<http://shadow-scholar-syndicate.blogspot.com/2015/02/can-2015-goodbyes-and-championship-pick.html>

Your friendly bookie has enormous respect for Ivorian keeper Dominique Thiamale. Christ did that poor girl take a beating on that harsh pitch. What a courageous performance. She gave up every inch of her body. Speedy forwards Binta Diakite and Ange N’Guessan also intrigue me. Fatou Coulibaly had a nightmare day, but she seems to possess some talent for technical tackling.

Play and party on girls. Can’t wait to see you in Round Two!

Thursday—

China PR vs. The Netherlands

  vs. 

Yes, yes. We’re all very proud of the “Steel Roses” and their steel resolve. I’m impressed by their drive and strength. Sadly, I’m even more impressed by the impulse and thrust demonstrated by the upstart Dutch. The Lionesses are on the cusp of a breakthrough. The pride stand just about ready to hit their stride.

You have your line, gentlemen. I’ll predict a consolation goal from Li Ying after Martens, Dekker, and Miedema tally.

THE LINE: Netherlands +2 Goals

Canada vs. New Zealand

  vs. 

Can’t do it. Can’t trust these Canuck Chicks. They were simply too tentative in their opening fixture. Despite Herdman’s slew of options, all of the lineup permutations I’ve worked with still don’t add up to a guaranteed connection. I can’t see his eleven crisscrossing with fluid gravitas. Your friendly bookie doesn’t own a crystal ball. He still foresees one of those “Whoa, Canada” headlines rolling off the presses come Friday morning.

If you have faith, feel free to bet against.

THE LINE: Pick em’

Deutschland vs. Norway

  vs. 

Tough match ahead against the “Fjordmesiters”. The ability of Hegerberg to lace balls placed yards in front of her precludes me from gently falling into well-deserved sleep. Krahn and Bartusiak aren’t clicking in the manner that I’ve hoped.

Lack of chemistry between the centerbacks can cause serious problems. Just ask Jens Lehmann. Wanchope split the German defense twice in that historic 4-2 match against Costa Rica that opened the 2006 World Cup. I still have nightmares about those goals.

Okay, okay. Your friendly bookie may be guilty of over-thinking matters. That’s something of a specialty of his ; ) Nevertheless, the Norwegian 4-3-3 renders me unable to set a high line. Sorry, gentlemen. You’re lucky I’m not setting a “pick".

I believe that my Nationalmannschaft maintains enough momentum to win. The prospect of facing the Grasshoppers later on in the Knockout Stages still honestly scares the shit out of me.

The Norwegians posses enough talent to eliminate my Mädels. Let that be noted.

THE LINE: Die Nationalmannschaft +1 Goal

Cote d’Ivoire vs. Thailand

  vs. 

Discount African sides at your own peril. You rubes made your friendly bookie untold sums of money by laughing away my prediction of a Sweden vs. Nigeria draw. Moreover, virtually all of you foolishly bid on the high Ecuadorian Line. Admittedly, I couldn’t have foreseen that 6-0 shellacking, but I knew it would be closer. ; ) : )

I drift off tangent. My basic point is that Les Elephants can absolutely hope to compete with the War Elephants. We’ll supply a translation for the un-initiated: Cote d’Ivoire and Thailand will play a tight match. The 10-0 thumping by the Germans means absolutely nothing.

Who will win the “Elephant Encounter”? No one, according to your friendly bookie. The Lineups match up even. If you’re feeling frisky, bet on the Ivorians to ride the African Wave.

THE LINE: Pick em’

Friday—

Switzerland vs. Ecuador

  vs. 

Two losers square off. It’s up to you to decide whether or not you friendly bookie elects to play the bluff. Ramona Bachmann may have looked good, but I’m prepared to invest in Monica Quinteros. Vasquez, Palacios, and Zambrano will play better too. These ladies of El Tri may have prematurely quit against “Les Indomitables”, but they won’t quit here.

Is your friendly bookie an arrogant asshole on par with Eric Wynalda? It’s up to you. Eric Wynalda speaks fluent German, by the way, so I guess he’s cool ; )

UPSET ALERT!

THE LINE: Ecuador +1 Goal

Japan vs. Cameroon

  vs.  

Toughest line I’ve yet had to set. We’ll still have to back the Japs. A 6-0 win doesn’t count against the talent of Mana Iwabuchi. She will start…and she will grab a brace. Doubt my logic if you care to doubt Caroline Bauer, Leslie Osborne, and Heather Mitts. The Cinderella Story ends….right about NOW!

We might yet see an upset….just as I must set the line.

THE LINE: Japan +1 Goal

Australia vs. Nigeria

  vs. 

In stark contrast to the line above, I’ll augur that the Super Falcons march on in grand fashion. The Aussies posses enough strength in central midfield to stagnate matters for a little while, but one of Okon’s seemingly infinite array of superstrikers has to break through eventually.

Wouldn’t it be fun to take prop bets on which one of the “O-Ordnance” it will be?

I’ll take Oparanzoie for the brace at 2-1. Wagers accepted through halftime. 

THE LINE: Nigeria +2 Goals

USA vs. Sweden

 vs. 

Before scoffing at this line, consider that a 4-0 victory for the States isn’t all that farfetched. The yanks should have Morgan back fully fit. Lloyd and Holiday will play better. Press appears to have worked through whatever left her dazed and confused during the first half of the Australian match. Heath looked great in relief. O’Hara or Rodriguez can also provide a spark should the girls get off to a sluggish start.

Take advantage of this line, brothers. The Swedes are in more of a precarious position than many realize. Sjörgan is done. Dahlkvist and Seger are backpedaling. A few skilled give-and-goes gets you past a weak midfield, where you’ll encounter a crumbling backline of Nilsson, Fischer, and Berglund or Thunebro. There are so many cracks in that foundation. An early goal just might collapse the whole structure.

Sunhage’s Swedes are on the ropes. They buck and sway. Finish them

THE LINE: USA +3 Goals

Saturday—

Brazil vs. Spain

  vs. 

Were we scrolling down, gentlemen? A rhetorical question. Of course you were. I’ll be so kind as to reiterate my feelings on the Brazilians:

“Something’s wrong. Trust your friendly bookie on this one. Something’s off. I detect Eddys in the fabric. There appear to be some disturbances in the wash. A dimensional rift tugs at the multi-verse.”

No need to scroll back up. All you really need to know is that I’m hitting my patented button.

UPSET ALERT!!

UPSET ALERT!!

THE LINE: Spain +1 Goal  

South Korea vs. Costa Rica

  vs. 

Indulge in your Asian fantasies, gentlemen. It’s the last chance for your future wives to shine. You can dream of Cho So-Hyun scoring that 92^nd minute winner. Daydream about her hugging her sweaty sisters while you intimately imagine a “Shower Scene”. Build your “Castles in the Sky”.

This bookie picks a draw. Live with it.

THE LINE: Pick em’

France vs. Columbia

  vs. 

Too much talent. Las Cafeteras will be made to look like ladies working in “Las Cafeteria”. Thiney, Necib, and Thiney again. It just won’t work.

THE LINE: France +2 Goals

England vs. Mexico

  vs. 

Ellen White will once again shine bright for England. Goal line technology won’t save El Tri from a deep Kader. I’m sure of that, just as I’m sure of my increasing love for Arianna Hingst. White scores a brace. Period.

THE LINE: England +2 Goals

GENTLEMEN, ENTER YOUR WAGERS