Greetings Syndicate Brethren,
We’ll begin with the bad news: The “Mailbag Section” stands
uncompleted. Your friendly bookie had every intention of having it ready for
you this evening, but circumstances leave it unfinished. Apologies, ladies and
gentlemen.I’m very much looking forward to sharing your wit with the world. The duress of having a full-time job that occasionally gets hectic stymies our plans temporarily. Minor insanity won’t stop our syndicate. You’ll have your chance to shine, brothers and sisters. Bookie’s promise ; )
In the meantime, eight very intriguing football matches have
been handicapped. Plenty of tasty prop bets are available for you too. I could
conceivably finish the “Mailbag Section”, but re-establishing contact with my
brothers and sisters is simply more important. Your friendly bookie regrets to
inform you that he’s only had the privilege of personally speaking with less
than half of you. ; ( ; ( Keep those cell-phones on!!
We’ll fix it, gentleman. Our Summer Festival continues
irrespective of whatever detritus dross life randomly decides to throw in our
way. ; )
My Updated Stats:
Spread: 15-21
Straight Up: 21-10-5
Such stats are easily ameliorated by the Swiss defeat. You
fools! Be advised that your friendly bookie loves to cast an easy reel. ; ) ; )
All the love in the world ; )
Goodbyes Section:
17th Place—Costa Rica 
Tough break, Ticas. ; ( Denied by the crossbar at the last
possible moment! Heartfelt consolations are in order for a lionhearted side
that fell short of the Knockouts by a few hard luck centimeters. This bookie
never foresaw Cruz and Co. prevailing against the fresh-legged Brazilian
reserves, but Diana Diaz, Raquel Rodriguez, and Wendy Acosta did a splendid job
keeping the final contest close throughout.Diaz in particular made several heroic saves until the 83rd minute flurry in front of goal left her with little chance. So long, Cinderellas! You’ll always have the men’s magical run from last Summer. No one can take that away from you.
The Tico Tarts also provided us with the best “team goal” of
the tournament. Acosta, Venegas, Lixy and Raquel Rodriguez counterpunched the
Spaniards in the opening match with an incredibly bold statement of their own.
Thirty some odd seconds after the heavily-favored European side opened up the
scoring, the aforementioned quartet pulled one back on the ensuing kickoff.
It was a gorgeous run-of-play. That’s “Pura Vida”, gentlemen. That’s what football is all about! My gratitude for a thoroughly entertaining four-goal match against the South Koreans as well.
It was a gorgeous run-of-play. That’s “Pura Vida”, gentlemen. That’s what football is all about! My gratitude for a thoroughly entertaining four-goal match against the South Koreans as well.
Yes….brothers. We’re getting to Amelia Valverde. ; ) We
shall miss her so, definitely more than any other trainer in this tournament. I
better see this woman again in four years time. Actually, screw that. I want to
see her coaching a European side in the 2017 Women’s Euros! Four years is
simply too long. If you missed, it the “professional MILF” awakened your
friendly bookie’s zeal for “Academia Bashing”. Hehe. And you thought I was over
it?
From Round Three:
You
guys really like looking at Amelia Valverde, don’t you? Can’t say I blame you.
She’s a hot “Professional MILF. She looks as if she’s about to publish a
200-page-thesis on “Afro Cuban Feminist Literature with Indigenous Overtones
1898 (Summer)” Baby’s got academic bullshit coursing through her veins…and
that’s very sexy”
I’m really going to miss this woman. Hopefully she keeps
reasonable office hours.
18th Place—Thailand 
Time to grow the program around new household names Orothai
Srimanee and Waraporn Boonsing. The War Elephants may not have exceeded
anyone’s expectations, but they’ve done wonders for their country and their
federation. Your friendly bookie will spare you his usual exaggerated talk of
how this team united a politically divided country. It’s doubtful something so
fanciful transpired, even if the match ratings were reportedly high.What most certainly will transpire is a massive increase in this team’s budget. Technically speaking, the Thais finished 17th by virtue of the three points they earned against the Ivorians. Football programs often utilize placement formulas to determine their fiscal future. These girls just hit the jackpot.
Overall, this side illustrates how much can be accomplished
with a few hard-won dollars. A country investing in just one Youth Squad and a
playable training pitch can reap very tangible dividends. The Thai performance,
by far the best of all the “minnow sides” speaks for itself. This eleven always
looked like a real football team, even in lopsided defeats.
Looking forward to witnessing the progression of this group
over the next four years. A little extra monetary allocation is all that is
needed to propel them to the status of “Tournament regulars”. They’ve already
stretched their funds quite a long way. It should prove interesting to see what
the future holds.
Bookie predicts a breakout ; )
19th Place—New Zealand 
I don’t give a good goddamn if I met the line precisely…that
was NOT a handball in the box. No, no, no WRONG! One always hates to watch poor
officiating do in a good team. Controversy taints results that even every
expert commentator deems fair…or so it is written in Chapter Eight of the
“Football Apologists Handbook”.Hearn and Gregorius were very much on their game during the initial half hour. The Football Ferns exhibited mastery of all the momentum. Had Hungarian Ref Kaitlin Kulcsar not pointed to the spot for a ball that came nowhere new Betsy Hasset’s wrist, we might be discussing a very different result.
Our farewell need not be excessively dour, however. Almost
all of your friendly bookie’s favorite players are young enough to return in
four years time. Katie Bowen and Rosie White will be in their mid-twenties when
we convene in France in 2019. Barring injury, we should also see Hannah
Wilkinson, Anna Green, Ria Percival, Annalie Longo, and Rebekah Stott. It might
be farewell to Amber Hearn, Sarah Gregorius, and Katie Hoyle, all of whom will
have passed their thirtieth birthday.
The subject of your friendly bookie’s über-crush better be
back. Are you listening to me Ali Riley? Your presence is required next time.
That is not an invitation! That is an ORDER! Riley will be 31 when that
competition gets rolling. The way she runs, I’m not entirely certain she’ll
have any knees left. It’s thus with great trepidation that I presume to rue the
last I’ll ever see of her ; ( : (
Four years ago, in a Goodbye’s Section entitled “Call me
Collect from Christchurch” I beseeches the Football Gods not to take my only
Sunshine away. No sense in hoping for the impossible here. I think she’s done.
Goodbye, Ali. : ( : (
20th Place—Spain 
Veronica Boquete found herself a bit misty-eyed as the final
minutes of injury time elapsed. I’ll confess to feeling a bit lachrymose
myself. We’ll be deprived of possibly the world’s best female footballer as the
tournament moves into its next phase. We barely got a taste of what she’s
capable of. Her lone goal might have been a fine finish, but Corredera happened
to be the one swerving, slicing, twisting and turning like Boquete should have
been.I wrote in my initial assessment of this team that their fortunes would sink or swim with their Talisman. I even emphatically pleaded with her not to let me down. One kept expecting that she would step it up all the way up until the very end. Big surprise there.
Of course this bookie doesn’t wish to be too hard on one of
his favorite players. The true source of my ire remains Ignatio Quereda and his
patently insipid 4-1-4-1. Por qué, Jose? POR QUÉ? That putrid piece of garbage
has never worked. It’s about as effective as those aggravating Fiat
commercials.
Why in the hell couldn’t you of just stuck with the promising 4-2-3-1 with Hermoso as the lead and Boquete as the anchor? Aargh. How frustrating it is to augur that a coach will make a predictably stupid move and then be proven 100 percent correct.
Why in the hell couldn’t you of just stuck with the promising 4-2-3-1 with Hermoso as the lead and Boquete as the anchor? Aargh. How frustrating it is to augur that a coach will make a predictably stupid move and then be proven 100 percent correct.
This lout needs to retire. La Roja Feminina require a real
trainer. They’ve now been trounced out of two consecutive tournaments by this
obtuse attempt to turn Torrecilla into Schweine. IT DOESN’T WORK!!
Catch up with you girls in two years time. You better have a
real leader by then.
Hochachtungsvoll.
21st Place—Nigeria 
The dream dies and I’ve yet another coach to yell at. Your
friendly bookie devoted two full pages to the preponderance of attacking
options Edwin Okun had at his disposal in the Round Two Lines. So bloated was
this mammoth section that I had to delete approximately half of it in the final
editing cut down.My enthusiasm for the “O-Ordnance” and the deep Kader had to be tapered in the interest of both readability and my own personal sanity. What did this moron do? He rolled out the exact same starting eleven in a crucial match against the Aussies. He introduced Esther Sunday and Courtney Dike a game late against the Yanks. A golden opportunity squandered. A world deprived of another top class team ; ( ; (
It’s worth reiterating that Oshoala, Oparanozie, Ordega, and
Okobi are only twenty-one years of age and already big-time contract-players
with big-time clubs. Should the Super Falcons have the good fortune to be drawn in a more
auspicious group in 2019, it’s entirely plausible to predict that they will
enter the competition as title contenders.
Naturally, it will also help if they have a coach who possesses some understanding of tournament football. Selecting a starting eleven that makes long-term sense means everything when fixtures are separated by a scant few days. Let’s see a UEFA Champions League Coach take over this team. They’ll know what they’re doing.
Naturally, it will also help if they have a coach who possesses some understanding of tournament football. Selecting a starting eleven that makes long-term sense means everything when fixtures are separated by a scant few days. Let’s see a UEFA Champions League Coach take over this team. They’ll know what they’re doing.
In any event, I’ve good news brothers. It looks as if I’ve
located some reasonably priced Nigeria Women’s Trikots. Promise fulfilled. Some
of you will soon be rocking both “Super Eagle” and “Super Falcon” Green. I’m
positively giddy. You should be too.
22nd Place—Mexico 
Jesus Cristos that was bad. Awful. Pathetic. Meek. Feeble.
Deplorable. Piteous, Pitable, and Pitiful. That wasn’t merely “bad”. That was
“Jose Manuel de la Torre BAD”. I suppose we have our answer as to whether
Nayelli Rangel youth precluded her from properly strapping on the captain’s
armband. She simply failed to lead by example.Of all the teams in the tournament, El Tri were by far the worst in terms of hustle and spirit. Your friendly bookie scoured hours of tape looking for one solid 50-50. Obviously I wouldn’t broach that topic if I had managed to find one. You’ve got to challenge for the ball, girls! What the hell were you looking at?
The Mexican effort reminds me, in many respects, of the lazy
and totally un-motivated performance the Canadians put forth in 2011. From the
outset one could tell that this team didn’t come to play. Where was the “hell
to pay” attitude? Garciamendez and Robles showed flashes of it, but it didn’t
come remotely close to permeating upfield. Not much else to add, really. The
“experiment” went down in flames. I was well on my way to writing this team’s
obituary after the opening malaise.
Someone give Miguel Herrera a call. Call him up on the
mainline. Tell him what you want.
23rd Place—Cote d’Ivoire 
Should have had this section written back in April. No one
expected the African debutantes to do much other than serve as a doormat for
the two group behemoths to wipe their feet on. Few expected two competitive
matches either. Les elephants supplied us with plenty of memorable moments
along with plenty of names that won’t soon be forgotten.Inres Nevy’s amazing agility. Ange N’Guessan’s insanely slick tricycle finish. Thiamale’s intrepid sacrifice of every inch of her body. Josee Nahi’s indefatigable drive. Those who know me well enough now I have the stamina to literally go on all night. We even have two new Coulibalies to add to the 4,527 already catalogued in my African Football Chapters!
In the end, Les Elephants conferred upon their country the
greatest gift of all: an excuse to forget all of their worldly problems,
consume copious amounts of alcohol, and wave their flags about for a total of
240 glorious minutes. Note that the Ivorian Party in the stands didn’t let up
for a single one of those minutes.
The dancing, chanting, and singing continued even after the Krauts went up 10-0. Thousands of fans that had the privilege of actually traveling to Canada now have an unforgettable experience. Millions more back home were provided with a pleasant distraction.
The dancing, chanting, and singing continued even after the Krauts went up 10-0. Thousands of fans that had the privilege of actually traveling to Canada now have an unforgettable experience. Millions more back home were provided with a pleasant distraction.
Well done, ladies. Get to Work growing your program.
24th Place—Ecuador 
After the decidedly un-warm welcome the Krauts gave the
Ivorians, one wouldn’t think that anyone could challenge “Les Elephants” for
the tournament’s worst goal differential. Impossible. How could anyone even
hope to try? They got spanked 10-0 for fuck’s sake! Gentlemen, it is my
profound displeasure to be unable to avoid referencing whatever in the hell
that just was that the Ecuadorian Girls just did. ; (Whatever it was, it didn’t remotely resemble football. A 0-6 shellacking from the Cameroonian Lionesses. A 1-10 smackdown from the Swiss Miss Bitches. Out with a whimper they went with a 0-1 defeat to the Japanese reserves.
Ugh. To think that I initially picked this team to finish
third in their group. Was I high? Not very likely considering I’ve rarely ever
messed with that stuff. To think that I had them at +2 against Cameroon in the
opening match. Was I on crack? I’ve never touched a pipe in my life! No way!
To think that I had faith in Araruz to cobble together a strategy to exploit the Swiss on set-pieces and picked them as my “Upset Special” in Round Two. Was I drunk? Well…..that seems like more familiar territory. I honestly don’t recall, but I must have been. ; ( ; (
To think that I had faith in Araruz to cobble together a strategy to exploit the Swiss on set-pieces and picked them as my “Upset Special” in Round Two. Was I drunk? Well…..that seems like more familiar territory. I honestly don’t recall, but I must have been. ; ( ; (
This gigantic bellyflop sets the program back years.
Recovery will take a long time indeed. Don’t expect to see Montoya, Vasquez,
and Torres anytime soon. We might discuss the Ecuadorian Women’s National
Football Team in 2023…if your friendly bookie hasn’t succumbed to lung cancer
by then.
LET’S ROCK THE LINES, BROTHERS!!!
Saturday—
Deutschland vs. Sweden
vs. 
Get your game face on, Mädels! It's a re-match! Disregard everything I’ve written about the demise of Pia’s Pets. The veracity of my words doesn’t serve as an excuse to lose focus. Schelin and Seger don’t have it anymore. Asslani doesn’t strike fear into my heart.
The play of Dahlkvist and Fischer leads on to believe that the central pitch remains wide open. Sundhage’s inflexible 4-4-2 isn’t cause for concern. We may not face a team on the precipice of an implosion, but we definitely face a team in decline.
Once again, those words may carry truth but they mean
absolutely nothing. The Blaugults constitute a formidable opponent not to be
taken too lightly. A few lucky bounces or a bad call from the official and
we’re dispatched. All it takes in the Knockouts is a spot of bad luck. In the
case of this particular foe, they’ll have ample opportunities to re-discover
the undeniable flair that their raw talent accords them.
Vorsicht, Mädels. A spot in the semis against the USA is by
no means a foregone conclusion.
Let’s “draw it up” for my girls.
LINEUP—Deutschland
(Match One) (4-4-2)
Anja
Mittag Celia Okoyino da Mbabi
|
Alexandra Popp
Simone Laudehr
|
Lena Gößling Melanie Leupholz
|
Tabea
Kemme Leonie Maier
|
Saksia Bartusiak Annike
Krahn
|
Nadine Angerer
|
LINEUP—Deutschland
(Match Two) (4-2-3-1)
Celia Okoyino da Mbabi
|
Anja Mittag
|
Alexandra Popp Simone
Laudehr
|
Lena
Gößling Dzenisfer
Marozsan
|
T.
Kemme S.Bartusiak A. Krahn L. Maier
|
Nadine Angerer
|
LINEUP—Deutschland
(Match Three) (4-2-3-1)
Celia Okoyino da Mbabi
|
Dzensifer Marozsan
|
Lena Lotzen
Sara Däbritz
|
Melanie Behringer Melanie Leupholz
|
J.
Cramer B. Peter A. Krahn B. Schmidt
|
Nadine Angerer
|
Seven changes were forecast. Seven changes were implemented.
Mittag and Popp made way for Lotzen and Däbritz. Gößling took a seat whilst
Behringer ate up some minutes. Leupholz deputized for Laudehr. Jennifer Cramer,
Babette Peter, and Bianca Schmidt chipped in to give the back four a
well-deserved night off.
An inventive looking 4-2-3-1 it was, but don’t expect to see
anything similar over the duration of the tournament. Neid’s skillful selection
counts only as a placeholder. The next eleven will look a lot more like the
first two.
Time to file the grades
GRADES—Deutschland
(Match One)
Celia Sasic
|
A+
|
Anje Mittag
|
A+
|
Sara Däbritz
|
A+
|
Tabea Kemme
|
A+
|
Leonie Maier
|
A+
|
Simone Laudehr
|
A+
|
Lena Gößling
|
A+
|
Lena Peterman
|
A+
|
Alexandra Popp
|
A
|
Melanie Behringer
|
A
|
Melanie Leupholz
|
A-
|
Saskia Bartusiak
|
B
|
Annike Krahn
|
B-
|
Nadine Angerer
|
C+
|
GRADES—Deutschland
(Match Two)
Alexandra Popp
|
A+
|
Dzsenifer Marozsan
|
A
|
Anja Mittag
|
A
|
Leonie Maier
|
A
|
Simone Laudehr
|
A
|
Tabea Kemme
|
A
|
Celia Sasic
|
B+
|
Nadine Angerer
|
B
|
Sara Däbritz
|
B-
|
Lena Gößling
|
B-
|
Saskia Bartusiak
|
C
|
Lena Lotzen
|
C-
|
GRADES—Deutschland
(Match Three)
Melanie Leupholz
|
A+
|
Lena Peterman
|
A+
|
Josephine Henning
|
A
|
Babett Peter
|
A
|
Dzensifer Marozsan
|
A
|
Melanie Behringer
|
A
|
Sara Däbritz
|
A-
|
Nadine Angerer
|
A-
|
Anje Mittag
|
A-
|
Celia Sasic
|
B+
|
Bianca Schmidt
|
B
|
Jennifer Cramer
|
B
|
Annike Krahn
|
C+
|
Lena Lotzen
|
C
|
You don’t have a soul if you’re not overjoyed for Lena Peterman.
Marozsan looked damn good in that anchoring role, even if her tattoos still
look heinously ugly. Däbritz redeems herself.
Errrm….probably time to give up on Lotzen. She tore up the
pitch in 2013, but doesn’t match up well against a stronger field.
Projected
Lineups:
“Die
Nationalelf”—(4-4-2)
Celia Sasic Anje Mittag
|
Alexandra
Popp Simone Laudehr
|
Dzensifer Marozsan
Melanie Leupholz
|
Tabea
Kemme Leonie Maier
|
Saskia Bartusiak
Annike Krahn
|
Nadine Angerer
|
“The
Blaugults”—(4-4-2)
Lotta Schelin Therese Sjörgan
|
Lina
Nilsson Sofia Jakobsson
|
Caroline Seger Lisa
Dahlvist
|
J. Samuelsson E. Rubensson
|
Nilla Fischer Amanda Illestadt
|
Hedvig Lindahl
|
THE LINE: Die Nationalmannschaft +1 Goal
Prop Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own)
Over/Under—4 Goals
120 Minutes—Straight Up
Penalty Shootout—2 to 1
Schelin Goal—Straight Up
Schelin Brace—3 to 1
Popp brace—Straight Up
Mittag brace—Straight Up
Sasic brace—Straight Up
Sasic Hat Trick—3 to1
China PR vs. Cameroon
vs. 
Midnight doesn’t quite strike on our Indomitable Lionesses.
This bookie loves the way that Nchout matches up against Lisi. She’ll surely
shut that girl down. Ngono-Mani possesses the benefit of some additional rest.
Ngo can come off the bench should they get leggy. Yango and Onguene are
mind-melding at precisely the right time. Ren Guixan and Tan Ruyin have to be tiring
out. Either your friendly bookie’s “Africa-bias” finds itself in full swing…or
he’s finally figured out the Chinese Lineup.
You’re more than welcome to anoint yourself the judge. You
make the call. Is it wishful thinking or have I spotted something along that
right side? Decide for yourself. Enganamouit appears to have fizzled, but I’m
prepared to wager good money on her re-emergence. It’s a bold prediction in any
even. The Cameroonians were thoroughly overmatched in their last fixture
against an Asian Opponent. Moreover, my two previous “Upset Specials” turned
out to be turgid turds.
We’re hitting that button. Today we reverse the trend known
as the “agony of excrement”. ; )
UPSET ALERT!
UPSET ALERT!
Projected
Lineups:
“The
Steel Roses”—(4-2-3-1)
Wang Shanshan
|
Han Peng Wang Lisi
|
Tang Jilai
|
Ren Guixan Tan
Ruyin
|
Liu S. Li D. Zhao R. Wu H.
|
Wang Fei
|
“The
Indomitable Lionesses”—(4-2-3-1)
Madeline Ngono Mani
|
Njara Nchout
Gabrielle Onguene
|
Enganamouit
|
Jeanette
Yango
Raissa Feudjio
|
Y.
Leuko C. Manie C. Meffometou C.B. Ndjouh
|
Annette Ngo Nodom
|
THE
LINE: Cameroon +1 Goal
Prop Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own)
Over/Under—3 Goals
120 Minutes—Straight Up
Penalty Shootout—Straight Up
Sunday—
Brazil vs. Australia
vs. 
The Outback Ovaries are now officially everyone’s darling. ;
) Arianne Hingst picked them to punch through all the way to the final match
against Germany. Syndicate Member 78-M wrote me a 2000-word-essay on the
unrivaled Leadership Style of Lisa de Vanna.
Even your friendly bookie himself slyly slipped in the phrase “upward trajectory” when evaluating their prospects against the Swedes. Something’s happening here, gentlemen. Call it “mass hysteria” if you must, but it’s fully justified in my opinion.
Even your friendly bookie himself slyly slipped in the phrase “upward trajectory” when evaluating their prospects against the Swedes. Something’s happening here, gentlemen. Call it “mass hysteria” if you must, but it’s fully justified in my opinion.
I’ve repeatedly written about the inadequate pace of the
Brazilian Attack. “Something is not right. Something is quite wrong”. I detect
Eddys in the fabric. There appear to be some disturbances in the wash. As much
as a convincing victory by the reserves compels me to change my mind, Marta,
Christianne, and Andressa cannot easily reclaim lost skill after a day’s rest.
We’re picking the “Waltzing Matildas” over the
“Madelines”….albeit in a penalty shootout.
Projected
Lineups:
“The
Samba Queens”—(4-2-1-3)
Alves Cristiane Marta
|
Andressa
|
Thaisa
Formiga
|
Tamires Fabiana
|
Rafelle Monica
|
Luciana
|
“The
Waltzing Matildas”—(4-3-3)
Samantha
Kerr
Lisa De Vanna
|
Kyah Simon
|
Katrina Gorry Elise
Kellond-Knight
|
Emily van Egmond
|
S.
Cately A. Kennedy L. Alleway C.
Foord
|
Lydia Williams
|
THE
LINE: Pick em’
Prop Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own)
Over/Under—4 Goals
120 Minutes—Straight Up
Penalty Shootout—Straight Up
France vs. South Korea
vs. 
My “Froggy Fawns” silenced all of their doubters with that
5-nil thrashing of the Mexicans. A hiccup or two along the way doesn’t damage
this team’s championship prospects. How about that thunderstruck thomahawk from
Amandine Henry in the 80th minute? She bears no relation to Thierry.
She doesn’t even feature anywhere near a similar skin hue. We nevertheless
behold the arrival of a quintessentially French heroine with a familiar name ;
)
Eugenie Le Sommer plays like a possessed woman. Linda Blair
better watch out ; ) They’ll have little difficulty running up the score here,
even if Yoon Deok-Yoo is smart enough to start Yoo-Young-a alone up front.
Your friendly bookie forecasts a slaughter.
Projected
Lineups:
“Les
Bleaus”—(4-4-2)
Gaëthine Thiney Eugenie Le Sommer
|
Louisa Necib Elodie Thomis
|
Amandine
Henry Camile Abily
|
Laure Bolleau Jessica Hourara
|
Wendy
Renard Laura Georges
|
Sarah Bouhaddi
|
“Taeguk
Nanja”—(4-2-3-1)
Yoo-Young-a
|
Jeon
Ga-eul Ji Soon-Yun Kang
Yu-Mi
|
Cho So-Hyun Kwon
Hah-Nul
|
Lee
Eun-Mi Kim Hye-Ri
|
Shim Seo-Yeoung Kim
Soo-Young
|
Kim Jung-Mi
|
THE
LINE: France +2 Goals
Prop Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own)
Over/Under—3 Goals
120 Minutes—2 to 1
Penalty Shootout—3 to 1
Canada vs. Switzerland
vs. 
Tough one. La Nati earn the dubious honor of being labeled
the tournament’s “Most Mercurial Team”. They punch opponents in the mouth, then
proceed to stick their own foot in the very same orifice, Syndicate Members
deserve to know that their friendly bookie made seriously fat bank on all of
the bets that came in on the Cameroon match. I’ll gloat with a pair of
Valley-Girl-Inspired colloquialisms:
1) “Told ya so”!!
2) “Just sayin”!!
Enough of the naïve locutions. We’ll stick with the host
nation on this one for the penalty shootout win.
Projected
Lineups:
“The
Canucks”—(4-4-2)
Sophie Schmidt Christine Sinclair
|
Jonelle
Filligno
Melissa Tancredi
|
Ashley Lawrence Desiree Scott
|
Allysha Chapman Josee
Belanger
|
Lauren
Sesselman Kadeisha Buchanan
|
Erin McLeod
|
“La
Nati”—(4-4-2)
Ramona
Bachmann Fabienne Humm
|
A.
Crnogorcevic Eseosa
Aigbogun
|
Lia Wälti Martina
Moser
|
Rachael
Rinast
Noelle Maritz
|
Rahel
Kiwic Caroline Abbe
|
Gaelle Thalmann
|
THE LINE:
“Pick em”
Prop Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own)
Over/Under—3 Goals
120 Minutes—Straight Up
Penalty Shootout—Straight Up
Monday—
Norway vs. England
vs. 
Your friendly bookie honestly doesn’t wish to pick a winner
here. He wants both his Grasshoppers and his Three Lionesses to go deeper into
this tournament than this match up will allow. He also detests having to refer
to himself in the third person. It’s a sign that he’s too exhausted to delve
into the schematics of two 4-3-3 formations.
Fatigue aside, a deployment of Fran Kirby, Toni Duggan, and
Karen Carney up front should prove enough to neutralize Hegerberg, cancel out
Minde/Herlovsen, and make Gulbrandsen show her age.
Jordan Nobbs has something; something no oddsmaker can quite
put their finger on. She can out-trick Mykaland with a special juke. Something
tells me she’ll find a way to do that, even if it’s in the 119th
minute.
UPSET ALERT!
UPSET ALERT!
Projected
Lineups:
“The
Grasshoppers”—(4-3-3)
Ada Hegerberg
|
I. Herlovsen K. Minde
|
Lena
Mykaland Solveig
Gulbrandsen
|
Gry Tofte Ims
|
I. Wold M.
Thorisdottir M. Lund M. Mjelde
|
Ingrid Hjelmseth
|
“The
Three Lionesses”—(4-3-3)
Fran
Kirby Toni Duggan
|
Karen Carney
|
Eniola Aluko Jordan Nobbs
|
Fara Williams
|
C.
Rafferty L. Basset S. Houghton
L. Bronze
|
Karen Bardsley
|
THE
LINE: England +1 Goal
Prop Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own)
Over/Under—4 Goals
120 Minutes—2 to 1
Penalty Shootout— 3 to 1
Columbia vs. USA
vs.
Catalina Usme’s suspension means that it’s time for American
fans to settle in and get cozy. Even before her double-yellow-debacle, a match
up like this one counted as nothing more than an easy strut. It will be a rout.
Count on that. You’ll win easy. You’ll win big. USA fans should definitely tune
in on Monday at 18:00 (UTC -6) to watch your girls completely annihilate an
inferior opponent. This one won’t be close. Count on that.
Rapinoe, Leroux, Lloyd, and Rapinoe again. A high line must
be set.
Enjoy. Oh what a beautiful life!
LINEUP—USA
(Match One) (4-4-2 )
Abby
Wambach Sydney Leroux
|
Meghan
Rapinoe
Christian Press
|
Carli Lloyd Lauren Holiday
|
Meghan Klingenberg Ali
Krieger
|
Julie Johnston Becky
Sauerbrunn
|
Hope Solo
|
LINEUP—USA
(Match Two) (4-4-2)
Sydney
Leroux Christian Press
|
Meghan Rapinoe Morgan Brian
|
Carli Lloyd Lauren
Holiday
|
Meghan Klingenberg Ali
Krieger
|
Julie Johnston Becky
Sauerbrunn
|
Hope Solo
|
LINEUP—USA
(Match Three) (4-4-2)
Abby
Wambach Alex Morgan
|
Tobin Heath Meghan Rapinoe
|
Carli Lloyd Lauren
Holiday
|
Meghan Klingenberg Ali Krieger
|
Becky Sauerbrunn Julie Johnston
|
Hope Solo
|
Am I crazy, or did Sauerbrunn and Johnston just switch
places? It appeared to me as if they flipped, but that’s only one man’s
demented opinion. Carli Lloyd and Lauren Holiday can buttress just about any
attack. Solid return from Alex Morgan. Excellent goal from Abby Wambach.
“Danke, Alter”!!
GRADES—USA
(Match One)
Meghan Rapinoe
|
A+
|
Ali Krieger
|
A+
|
Tobin Heath
|
A
|
Becky Sauerbrunn
|
A
|
Alex Morgan
|
A
|
Abby Wambach
|
A
|
Julie Johnston
|
A-
|
Sydney Leroux
|
B
|
Christian Press
|
B-
|
Meghan Klingenberg
|
B-
|
Hope Solo
|
B-
|
Lauren Holiday
|
C+
|
Carli Lloyd
|
C+
|
GRADES—USA
(Match Two)
Meghan Klingenberg
|
A+
|
Julie Johnston
|
A+
|
Becky Sauerbrunn
|
A+
|
Carli Lloyd
|
A
|
Morgan Brian
|
A-
|
Amy Rodriguez
|
B+
|
Ali Krieger
|
B-
|
Abby Wambach
|
B-
|
Hope Solo
|
B-
|
Meghan Rapinoe
|
C+
|
Alex Morgan
|
C
|
Sydney Leroux
|
C
|
Christian Press
|
C
|
No grade for Christine Rampone, effectively a non-factor in
the closing minutes.
GRADES—USA
(Match Three)
Abby Wambach
|
A+
|
Alex Morgan
|
A+
|
Meghan Rapinoe
|
A+
|
Julie Johnston
|
A+
|
Lauren Holiday
|
A
|
Hope Solo
|
A
|
Becky Sauerbrunn
|
B+
|
Ali Krieger
|
B
|
Tobin Heath
|
B
|
Shannon Boxx
|
B-
|
Sydney Leroux
|
B-
|
Meghan Klingenberg
|
B-
|
Carli Lloyd
|
C+
|
Projected
Lineups:
“The
Stars and Stripes”—(4-4-2)
Sydney Leroux Christian Press
|
Meghan Rapinoe Alex
Morgan
|
Carli Lloyd Lauren Holiday
|
M.
Klingenberg Ali
Krieger
|
Becky Sauerbrunn Julie Johnston
|
Hope Solo
|
“Las
Cafeteras”—(4-2-3-1)
Yorelli Rincon
|
Lady
Andrade Natalia
Gaitan
|
Daniela Montoya
|
O. Velasquez T.
Ariza
|
A. Clavijo N.
Arias L. Granados C. Arias
|
Sandra Sepulveda
|
THE
LINE: USA +3 Goals
Prop Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own)
Over/Under—5 Goals
120 Minutes— 3 to 1
Penalty Shootout— 4 to 1
Tuesday—
Japan vs. the Netherlands
vs. 
How unfair. The defending champions get an easily stamped
ticket to the Quarterfinals thanks to the inconsistent performance of young
prodigy Miedema and frumpy little Lieke Martens. Everyone will likely be
“footballed out” by the time Tuesday rolls around, but you can still watch the
Japs secure an easy victory as a bit of lagniappe.
No contest here. Sugasawa, Miyama, and Tanaka combine for
the 3-nil victory.
Projected
Lineups:
“Nadeshiko”—(4-4-2)
Yukia
Sugasawa Asuna Tanaka
|
Aya Miyama Shinobu
Ohno
|
Homare Sawa M. Sakaguchi
|
Runi
Utsugi
Saori Ariyoshi
|
Y. Kawamura K.
Kitihara
|
Ayumi Kaihori
|
“Die
Leuwinnenen”—(4-3-3)
Vivianne Miedema
|
Lieke
Martens Manon Melis
|
Sherida Spitse Tessel
Middag
|
Danielle van de Donk
|
P.
Hogewonnig M.v.d Berg M. v.d. Gragt D. v. Lunteren
|
Loes
Guerts
|
THE
LINE: Japan +2 Goals
Prop Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own)
Over/Under— 4 Goals
120 Minutes— 2 to 1
Penalty Shootout—4 to 1
GENTLEMEN,
ENTER YOUR WAGERS
