Greetings Syndicate Members,
That hard fact breaks a humble bookie’s heart. ESPN would have done better. The useless bastards over at Fox Sports evidently decided that “Bass Fishin’ with Bubba” didn’t deserve to be pre-empted. Embarassingly bad nonsense.
Similar logic holds that Sean Hannity deserves to have a television show, Meghan Kelley is more than a sensationally dumb ditz, and Bill O’Reilly once upon a time had something to say.
I owe you a few things, Syndicate Members:
1) For starter’s I owe you the completion of the WM 2014 Recaps from last summer:
Your “Syndicate Hangover” is proudly presented by “Pißwasser Pils”
BITTE EIN PIß!!
Day 25: Recap
Record—
Spread: 22-42
Straight up: 33-23-9
Hot Girl
Standings
Country
|
Tally
|
Games
Played
|
Brazil
|
206
|
7 (finished)
|
Argentina
|
199
|
6 (finished)
|
Netherlands
|
173
|
7 (finished)
|
Columbia
|
136
|
5 (finished)
|
Germany
|
133
|
7 (finished)
|
Costa Rica
|
117
|
5 (finished)
|
France
|
108
|
5 (finished)
|
Mexico
|
92
|
4 (finished)
|
USA
|
87
|
4 (finished)
|
Belgium
|
86
|
5 (finished)
|
Chile
|
74
|
4 (finished)
|
Nigeria
|
71
|
4 (finished)
|
Greece
|
67
|
4 (finished)
|
Japan
|
66
|
3 (finished)
|
South Korea
|
65
|
3 (finished)
|
Australia
|
63
|
3 (finished)
|
Bosnia & H
|
59
|
3 (finished)
|
Spain
|
58
|
3 (finished)
|
Switzerland
|
53
|
4 (finished)
|
Ecuador
|
53
|
3 (finished)
|
Ghana
|
52
|
3 (finished)
|
Cote d’Ivoire
|
49
|
3 (finished)
|
Russia
|
41
|
3 (finished)
|
Italy
|
39
|
3 (finished)
|
Honduras
|
37
|
3 (finished)
|
Uruguay
|
36
|
4 (finished)
|
Algeria
|
36
|
4 (finished)
|
Croatia
|
33
|
3 (finished)
|
Cameroon
|
32
|
3 (finished)
|
Portugal
|
31
|
3 (finished)
|
England
|
29
|
3 (finished)
|
Iran
|
26
|
3 (finished)
|
The Brazilians won. Is anyone really surprised? I promised
you a set of completed standings once the Syndicate reconvened. Consider the
debt serviced.
2) I also promised you a new “Terrible Beer Sponsor”. Here
we go:
“Pißwasser Pils” fulfilled its obligation. Who is this Summer’s “Awful Beer Sponsor”? A fair question. It simply proved too difficult to decide between Menabrea, Peroni, and Moretti. All three are terrible tasting brews are from—who else—the bloody Dagos! Goddamned pathetic Italians and their deplorable attempts to brew a halfway decent beer!
They should join the ranks of Heineken, Stella, and St. Pauli Girl. I don’t want to drink your skunky-ass bullshit!! Brew me something palatable! I don’t really care if you brew your own beer. That doesn’t make it a concoction of anything valuable. Get it get together, assholes!!
3) I owe NONE of you a “Swchag Pack”. All of those were sent
off weeks ago. Review the Rules with me.
A QUICK Review of the Rules:
Deutschland vs. Italy
vs. 
The Line: Deutschland +3 Goals
The Favorite (Germany) is favored to win by 3 goals. If
you bet on Italy, there are three ways you can win the bet:
1) Italy loses by less than 3 goals.
2) Match is a draw
3) Italy wins
Conversely, there is only one way to win if you bet on
Germany
1) Germany wins by more than 3 goals
Should Germany win by precisely 3 goals, THE BET IS A
WASH. THE BET IS A TIE. NO ONE OWES ANYONE ANYTHING
OTHER IMPORTANT THINGS TO KEEP IN MIND:
1) Your Bookie takes bets on a FIRST COME, FIRST SERVE
BASIS. Your bookie reserves the right to refuse picks if either the line has
moved or too much money has already come in one side. Get your wagers in early.
If you snooze you lose. Or, as the Germans put it, “Ein Nickerchen bedeutet
kein Fickerchen”
2) Speaking of conflict of interest, THERE IS ABSOLUTELY
NO WAY IN HELL YOU'LL GET ME TO BET AGAINST GERMANY!! Don't even try. This
would be analogous to a black man casting a vote for David Duke.
3) Payouts come at the end of the tournament. ALL BETTORS
ALSO GET A SCHWAG PACK! Trust your bookie, if only because he can't risk having
the lid blown off this shadowy operation.
Alles Klar? All set? Here are your lines:
Saturday—
Canada vs. China PR
vs. 
Christine Sinclair should have no problems claiming her brace. All of the emotion and energy associated with the opening match will easily enable the hosts to claim an easy victory. Filligno might take advantage as well. This is a low line, Syndicate Members. Get your bets in before it rolls. ; )
THE
LINE: Canada +2 Goals
New Zealand vs. the Netherlands
vs. 
An intriguing special tempts your wallet. Your friendly bookie doesn't see the “Oranje Lionesesses” debuting with enough valor to overcome the Ferns. Feel free to bet against if your intuition/wallet suggests otherwise. This line won’t roll. I can assure you of that.
THE
LINE: Pick em’
Sunday—
Norway vs. Thailand
vs. 
There isn’t much choice but to set a high line here. The Grasshoppers should have no problem easily dispatching the Thais. It’s nothing more than a “tune-up” fight. The real test comes next week.
THE
LINE: Norway +3 Goals
Deutschland vs. Cote d’Ivoire
vs. 
Speaking of terrible debuts…..this isn’t looking good. Consider it on par with “Tyson vs. Mcnelley”. This one might get ugly.
THE
LINE: Die Nationalmannschaft +3 Goals
Monday—
Cameroon vs. Ecuador
vs. 
A soft debut according to anyone’s estimation. We’ll select “El Tri” for the convincing win for the time being. Anyone having a problem with that can put their money where their mouth is.
THE
LINE: Ecuador +2 Goals
Japan vs. Switzerland
vs. 
The Swiss will play their hearts out…but it won’t be enough to overcome a superior formation. The Japs should eke on by, based on better players.
THE LINE: Japan + 1 Goal
Sweden vs. Nigeria
vs. 
vs.
This one is really tough. Obviously the Swedes possess a
better team. Nevertheless, I don’t see the Super Falcons lying down so easily.
Bookie picks a draw. Pick a team.
THE
LINE: Pick em’
USA vs. Australia
vs. 
Get into gear, Stateside Syndicate bettors! You can easily hope to beat a two-goal-spread! The future belongs to you. Meghan Rapinoe will make it so! You can do it. I know that you can!
THE
LINE: USA + 2 Goals
Tuesday—
Spain vs. Costa Rica
vs. 
One might consider this a joke, but consider Spain’s proclivity to start slow in every tournament. It’s impossible to see “La Roja Feminina” getting off to a dream start hear. They’ll bide their time….just like most Spanish Squads.
THE
LINE: Spain +1 Goal
Brazil vs. South Korea
vs. 
Another purportedly close match won’t turn out to be very close at all. The “Samba Queens” should achieve an easy victory here.
THE
LINE: Brazil +2 Goals
France vs. England
vs. 
Tough one to call. Have to go with “Les Bleaus” They’ll find
a way of winning, just like they often do.
THE
LINE: France +1 Goal
Columbia vs. Mexico
vs. 
Anyone expecting a line doesn’t know your friendly bookie well enough. It’s a pick. No way of telling which way these teams will swing. That’s an honest bookie’s opinion : )
THE
LINE: Pick em’
GENTLEMEN,
ENTER YOUR WAGERS
