Servus Syndicate Members,
Approximately 34 hours until we crown a new Asian Champion.
The Winner of Saturday’s showdown in Sydney will automatically book passage to
the 2017 Confederations Cup in Russia, rendering the field for our World Cup
Dress Rehearsal 1/4th complete.Irrespective of the final outcome, the Asian Confederation will crown a new and relatively novel champion. Reigning title-holders and four-time winners Japan were surprisingly eliminated in the Quarterfinals.
The Taeguks of South Korea seek to capture their first AFC
Trophy since 1960. They square off against the plucky hosts, who only just
switched over to the AFC from Oceania after the 2006 World Cup. The Socceroos
seek to reach the pinnacle of their new confederation despite atrocious recent
FIFA rankings that leave them unable to crack the top 100. Should the hosts
prevail, the 2015 campaign should be recorded as a “Fairy Tale Run” by any
objective chronicler.
If you’re just joining us, you’ve missed out on a great deal
of fun. No matter. You’ve also missed out on some truly impertinent crap. Have
no fear, your friendly bookie is here. ; ) ; ) Vicey will get you all caught
up.
The 2015 AFC Asian Cup kicked off January 7th in
Melbourne. This was initially news to your friendly bookie, who wrongly assumed
it was scheduled sometime later in the month. Luckily, fifteen years worth of
nightmares revolving around a class that he didn’t realize he had registered
for until Finals Week enabled him to shake of the Holiday Hangover and do some
last minute cramming. “Geo-Syndicate Redux” debuted an impressive five minutes
before kickoff…thanks in large part to a proportionally large sacrifice of that
overrated commodity known as “sleep”.
Many doubted the status accorded to the Aussies. Favorites?
Really? Don't doubt a Kraut. The Aussies opened proceedings with an emphatic
4-1 thrashing of Kuwait. Round One kept up the cracking pace. Two other Nations
netted four goals in their debut. The Uzbeks and Chinese upset their opponents.
None of the initial matches ended in a draw. We were up and running.
A totally unforeseen number of Syndicate Members checked in
to report that they were braving the unforgiving hours to watch the Cup matches
on their laptops. No U.S.-Based network carried the games. Even native Aussie
(and evil human manifestation of the Herpes Virus crossed with a rapidly
wilting turd) Rupert Murdoch couldn’t be bothered to broadcast the matches on
one of his Fox Sports Channels.
Er…..still looking forward to Fox’s coverage of the Women’s
World Cup this Summer!! Viva la Fox!
Round Two featured some unforgettable flair from Jordanian
forward Hamza Al-Dardour. In an unforgettable performance, he snuck FOUR goals
past the Palestinian keeper in a spectacle that defies description. The Saudis
made an unexpectedly brilliant bid for the knockout stages courtesy of an
Al-Sahlawi brace and your friendly bookie picked them to advance to the
Quarterfinals. Sadly enough, the Saudis choked and their monarch of ten years
dropped dead. Tough shit. When it rains it pours.
By the time the group stages were complete, your friendly
bookie was happy to rid himself of what he described as “eight inherently
annoying [Dead Weight] teams.” No apology necessary. I’ve already forgotten
what meager contributions Oman, Saudi Arabia, Qatar and Bahrain made to this
tournament. Kuwait retains “cool status”. All of us Geo-politics addicts loved
watching Palestine, as bittersweet as it was. Jordan gets a pass thanks to
Al-Dardour. North Korea doesn’t count. The remaining four countries can get to
work on a cartoon of the Blessed and Exalted Prophet orally satisfying himself.
What? Someone wish to see my pencil? I’ll happily show you
my pencil! Writers don’t scare. Neither do cartoonists. Welcome to
“Civilization”, towelheads.
DON’T FUCK WITH EUROPE!
Two amazing “Instant Classic” Quarterfinal Matches
captivated football fans everywhere. Iran and Iraq gave us an epic four the
ages. Six goals, five lead changes and seven penalty shootout rounds left
everyone watching dismissive of the need to go to work in the morning. The
U.A.E. pushed Japan to the full 120 minutes and gave us five rounds of
heart-piercing drama as well. Asia ceased to be predictable on that day. It was
quite the lionhearted win.
Things settled down in the Semis and two of the initial
favorites now contend for the title.
You’re all caught up, brothers. Enjoy the Asian Finale!
Thanks for a great tournament, Asia.
Nevertheless….
DON’T FUCK WITH EUROPE!!
One more time....
WE'RE NOT AFRAID!!
GO FUCK YOURSELVES!!
My Updated Stats
Spread: 14-16
Straight Up: 21-8-1
This will still augment the heinously rotten African Stats.
The two will be combined following the Quarters.
Third
Place Match
Iraq
vs. U.A.E.
vs. 
Syndicate Members know full well that Third Place matches
are open and free-flowing affairs. The tangentially interested need only think
back to Germany’s Third Place Playoffs in 2006 and 2010. Others might recall
that there actually hasn’t been a disappointing Third Place Playoff in the
entire twelve-year-history of the Syndicate.
Tune in! It’ll be fun. All wagers will be accepted!
THE
LINE: Iraq +2 Goals
Supreme
Champion of the Asian-Footballing- Universe
South
Korea vs. Australia
vs. 
A Confederations Cup Berth is on the line and ALL BETS ARE
ON. For the benefit of those furiously scrolling down, that needs to be
reiterated with some assistance from the CAPS LOCK Key!
ALL BETS ARE ON!
Your friendly bookie stands prepared to back Uli Stielike.
His Koreans have not yet ceded a goal in this tournament. Postecoglou has
already rolled out his best lineup, and his best striker/midfielders have
logged too many minutes. It’ll be close, but we’re still hitting the button.
For the first time in an actual championship match…..
UPSET
ALERT!!
THE
LINE: South Korea +1 Goal
GENTLEMEN,
ENTER YOUR WAGERS
