Greetings Syndicate Members,
I’m honored and deeply flattered by the enthusiasm many of
you have offered with respect to the AFC Asian Cup! A problem persists: Too
many of you are now all-too-predictably burnt out on football; too much so to
enjoy the REAL competition that kicked off this past weekend. The Africa Cup of
Nations is by far the superior tournament, and you’re missing out if you
neglect it.
In stark contrast to the Asian Cup, the African Continental
Championship is a wide-open affair. Four of the five pre-tournament favorites
currently sit at the bottom of our rankings. Opportunities for surprises
abound, as do the chances to make money. There’s a very good reason most of us
football connoisseurs have switched over to Africa. The Dark Continent provides
us with better storylines.
Furthermore, Syndicate readers in the United States will
find the time differences much more forgiving. Instead of staying up until 5
a.m. and being a real crabass at your place of employment the next day, you can
watch the first AFCON match (9 a.m. Eastern) over your morning coffee and the
second AFCON match (11 a.m. Eastern) over an early lunch break. I’ve done both
over the past four days. It’s perfect for you, Stateside Bettors!
AFCON is off to a superb start. Don’t miss another minute of
the tournament all the “real” football fans are talking about. You can still
hold a decent job and watch football at the same time! Trust your bookie. : ) : )
My Updated Stats:
Note that such stats SOLELY refer to the African Cup of
Nations at this point. We’ll do a full amalgamation after the AFC Continental
Championship has concluded.
Spread: 2-6
Straight Up: 2-3-3
Hmmmm…this is beginning to look oddly familiar. Not that I
care. “Good Sports” are more important than my stats.
Time to check the mail.
Reader:
Still have dignity left after prostituting yourself to the World?
Vicey:
Understood. A mediocre mind feels the need to arbitrarily criticize just for
the sake of criticizing. You should meet my parents.
Reader:
Hate to break it to you, Vicey, but South Park beat you to the punch on the
Matthew Mconaughey Commercials.
Vicey:
This is true. Check out the link:
Have a
little trouble with the link? That’s because Trey Parker and Matt Stone
wrongfully consider themselves geniuses. They deem their work worthy of
protection against copyright infringement.
I
truthfully didn’t know that a couple of overrated Colorado Yokels came up with
the same idea that I did. Good for them. They can go to sleep of their pile of
unearned money while I work my ass off to pay my $300 per month Health
Insurance Premium. Zero time to watch South Park. I’ve got shit to do….and I
can’t afford cable. You shouldn’t be wasting your time with such haughty losers
wither, 36-M/
Reader:
Vicey…you incorrectly stated that the 2015 Africa Cup of Nations Winner will
participate in the 2017 Confederations Cup. The African Cup of Nations takes
place every two years. The 2017 Champion will represent Africa.
Vicey:
Damn : ( This is also correct. You’re right I hate it when you’re right,
Syndicate Member 85-M. When you’re right, you’re right. And YOU….you’re ALWAYS
right.
Plenty
of unforced errors in “Geo-Syndicate Redux”. In addition to the standard
misspelled player names and fast-paced grammatical mishaps, I also botched the
Tunisian roster, incorrectly stated the number of Continental Championships
that Algeria won, and accepted FOUR separate invalid wagers before realizing
that the deadline had already passed.
Not much
I can really say in my defense, other than the above-elucidated explanation
that I actually work for a living. Ninety percent of the critiques filtering in
come from Syndicate Members who don’t have a job.
That
makes for a serviceable segue…
Reader:
Catch that Seahawks Game?
Vicey:
Hell yes! Russell Wilson’s tears were really something. The UEFA Champions
League Lottery was still better ; ) ; )
A
SYNDICATE CLASSIC
Since we’re in a “Mailbag Mood”, why not take a trip back to
last Summer and sample some vintage riffs of the finest quality.
From WM 2014—Day Two Recap:
“Riffs
of the Day”—Day Two
Reader:
Hey! You know what time it is? It’s five past Casillas!
Vicey:
(taking a deep breath)
Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
That’s the fucking line of the tournament. Sorry, but there’s no way in hell
you came up with that one all by yourself. Who are you hanging out with these
days, and can I come?
Reader:
Is el tiki-Taka dead?
Vicey:
Enough already! Stop with this question. Read the “Group B Preview Section”
again if you must.
Reader:
Robben dives like Greg Louganis on crack.
Vicey:
Yeah…you could say that, or you could say he was doing a little “Chris Tucker
Neck Shuffle”
Reader:
Now that you’ve posted a photo of yourself in a U.S. Jersey, will you root for
them against Germany?
Vicey:
(taking a deep breath)
Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
NO! I’m an “aufrechter Deutscher”. It “don’t” work that way, Yank chum. I will,
however, consider signing both National Anthems, just like Jürgen
Klinsmann.
Reader:
Any views on the current situation in Iraq?
Vicey:
Yes….but. Look, let’s just watch football for now. Not that the Germans make it
easy. There really isn’t a “Halftime Show” to speak of. They check in with Kahn
for about two minutes. Otherwise, German networks traditionally cover the news
during the halftime break. In addition, the unique German feature known as
“tele-text” allows me to catch up on current global events while simultaneously
listening to live audio during a lull, injury or commercial.
Come to
think of it, why did “tele-text” never catch on in the States? German remotes
come equipped with a button that you can hit to read news on your television
screen. As far as I can recall it’s always been this way..since I was a kid.
Weird.
In any
event, I’ve been following the ISIS Developments with great alarm and
trepidation. I am not a happy Shadow Scholar ; ( ; ( For now I want to watch
football. Can’t a Shadow Scholar get a break?
Ready to rank some countries?
1)
Algeria
….
….
Hehe. Of course, anyone who actually watched this match
knows that I’m full of it. : ) The victory was actually quite serendipitous.
The Desert Dwellers didn’t take control of their opening match until well after
the 70th minute. Had Tokelo Rantie not missed a spot kick and
Hlatshwayo not headed in that flukish own goal, our current # 1 would find
itself sharing space with other “flopping favorites” much further down the
page. Islam Slimani exhibited poor touch all night long and we heard almost
nothing from Medhi Lacen and Yacine Brahimi.
As auspicious as the result may have been, it still counts
for three points. That’s really all that matters. Three critical points + a
massively talented roster = The only pre-tournament favorite currently cracking
the top ten.
Should you wish to read about how Ghana, Cote d’Ivoire, and
Burkina Faso are doing, you’ve got a ways to scroll down yet. ; )
2) Senegal
Surprisingly little love for the Lions of Terranga in your
friendly bookie’s opening primer. The theory went that a porous back four would
put a devastating attack comprised of Premiership stars Pappiss Cisse and Sadio
Mane at an early disadvantage, effectively nullifying the potential of a 4-3-3
formation unproven when playing from behind.
So went that theory…directly into my overflowing waste bin.
Not only did the young line close ranks and clear like seasoned veterans, we
never even saw Cisse or Mane. Lokomotiv’s Dame N’Doye and Mame Biram Diouf of
the Potters put on a clinic instead. Diouf in particular looked as good as he
has since the 2012-2013 season at Hannover 96. Former Lille superstriker Moussa
Sow capped it off with that gorgeous finish in stoppage time.
This team and indeed all of Group C require a serious
re-think. Your friendly bookie was hesitant to assign the “Group of Death”
moniker, given that it appeared a dead-heat between Group A and Group C. The
unexpected positive results for both Gabon and Equatorial Guinea mean that the
former continues to merit close inspection. The opening split of the latter,
however, means that the debate is all but settled.
3)
Gabon
Pierre Emerick-Aubameyang can be trusted after all. We’re
not in Nord-Rhein Wesphalia. The Signal-Iduna Westfalen Stadium sits empty
thousands of kilometers away.
How to address the Dortmund Striker’s rather inconvenient
tendency to try to do too much on his own? Don’t start him up front! Of Course!
Brilliant! Why couldn’t I have thought of that? Twenty-two-year old striker
Malik Evouna can shoulder that burden. He evens makes injects spunk and
spontaneity into a highly-experienced lineup in need of a small creative jolt.
A truly exquisite performance from the entire eleven. Jorge
Costa has plenty of weapons at his disposal. Practically every lineup
permutation looks tantalizing. He can even bring Madinda or Bruno Ecuele Manga
up front should he need an unconventional scoring threat.
Hmmm…setting a line for the Congo NDR match will prove
difficult indeed.
4)
Equatorial Guinea
Argentine coach Esteban Becker opted to lay it all on the
line, pairing his speediest (if not leggy) target-men up front. It didn’t take
long for the audacious move to pay dividends, Javier Balboa drawing the offside
trap to free up Emilio Nsue, who easily latched on to a lustrous through-ball
from Kike.
The National Thunder have themselves a new hero in their
young captain, trusted with the armband despite being only 25 and having only
three international caps. It isn’t as if they even need a new Black Knight. The
stars of the 2012 Campaign (Randy, Rui, and Boldado) are all still there.
Admittedly, Nsue’s early goal should have been judged
offside. That lousy call offsets, however, when one takes into account the fact
that his 70th minute strike shouldn’t have been disallowed. As
difficult as this team’s path out of the group may seem (a pissed off Burkinabe
side followed by the red-hot Gabonese Panthers), this bookie can still see it
happening. Kike and Iban look damn good. Together with Nsue, the tenacious trio
of tyros should spark the hosts to at least one upset victory.
5)
Congo DR
Yannick Bolassie is just getting warmed up, both in this
competition and over at Sellhurst Park. One genuinely wonders why this tall,
innovative, and agile winger doesn’t bulge the back of the net more often.He looks good deployed all alone up front, though he might benefit from Mbokani drawing away traffic to his immediate left. Makaidi surprisingly wasn’t included in the starting eleven. I suppose the former SC Freiburg midfielder is just a notch too slow these days.
Mbokani’s poor finishing shouldn’t be too much cause for
alarm. Either he, Mbemba, or Mubele should be able to convert their chances
eventually. Mulumbu appears an adroit “flight director” with a keen sixth sense
for distribution.
I remain almost certain that this team can’t make the
quarterfinals, but not quite as certain as I was three days ago.
6)
Zambia
Might as well rank the other team from Day Two’s thoroughly
entertaining draw directly behind the team that split the difference. It turned
out to be a very captivating contest that kept this bookie away from more
important work.
Keeper Kennedy Mweenie showed us shades of 2013 with some
acrobatic saves. Kalaba and Singulama executed some sweet little give-and-gos.
Mayuka was pretty much M.I.A., but a player of his caliber won’t stay silent
forever. Gaining in confidence, Mbola should start making a few more
enterprising runs forward soon.
The Copper Bullets/Congolese Leopards match was always set
to determine the constellation of the group. Now that it ended in a draw, the
whole damn thing is an unpredictable mess.
Don’t miss out on Thursday’s matches ; )
7)
Guinea
Now this is really something. What a punch in the face….if
you’ll pardon the…er…..hello? Anyone out there? ; ) ; )
We all knew Lyon striker Mohammed Yattara was good, but good
enough to smack home that first time volley with a top-class tricycle?
Mönchengladbach’s Ibrahima Traore’s curling effort from outside the 18 was just
inches away from being one of the more sublime goals you’ll ever see.
We’re all curious to see what the National Elephants make
out of this most unexpected point. Group D just got turned on its head.
8)
Cameroon
I may never forgive the FCF for retaining Volker Finke, but
the Kölner Kraut clearly did a great job rebuilding “Les Indomptables”
following the World Cup Meltdown. Newbie Ambroise Oyongo was cooler than ice as
he chested down and coolly slotted home that equalizer. Who knew an MLS Player
could keep his skills so sharp? Great match from Chuopo-Moting. Who the hell
needs Eto’o and Song?
With the rabble-rousers gone, Finkie can rely on the
lionhearted play of Aboubakar and Edgar Salli to build him an entirely new
unit. Of great significance, we haven’t even seen captain Stephane Mbia
(suspension) and Clinton N’Jie (not introduced) yet.
They could prove a force yet. The Eyong Enoh injury remains
serious and will be dully monitored.
9) Mali
The use of Modibo Maiga as a late sub forms completes a
scary-looking template. If they can all get up on Keita’s broad shoulders we’ll
see a repeat of 2013.
10)
South Africa
Even in decisive defeat, we got a decent glimpse of the
unquantifiable courage associated with this version of Bafana, Bafana. Tokelo
Rantie zipped in behind a strong defense SIX times by my count. Even more
incredible, he seemed to be onside in every last instance.
Furman showed strength from distance. Vilakazi, Phala, and
Matlaba all got in on the act. The hitherto disregarded greenhorn keeper Darren
Keet stood tall too.
Though the group is obviously too tough for them to
overcome, Mashaba’s men will keep it emulous in the final two Group Stage
Fixtures. All of this is shaping up nicely.
11)
Congo NDR
Everyone will be pleased to learn that Congo NDR needn’t
necessarily be referred to as the “other leopards”. The squad sometimes
utilizes football’s most popular appellation, “The Red Devils”. Your friendly
bookie is always pleased to use the sobriquet shared by his cherished FCK. ; )
Perhaps this will help clear up some of the confusion.
Confusion still reigns in the ranks of these “Diables
Rouges”. One simply cannot trust Claude Le Roy’s selections. Everyone looks
out-of-place and unsure of their role Why is N’Dinga not in central midfield?
Babele in place of N’Guessi?
Oh well. There were many positives on the other side of this
wonkish coin. Le Roy did well to start Bifouma in place of Douniama. Current
Scottish League Striker Dominique Malonga appears to be a beast off the bench.
Le Roy has actually had success in Africa as the former trainer of the Black
Stars. For that matter, he’s had success in Asia too! He coached Oman to a Gulf
Cup Victory. Your friendly bookie’s bitterness as it pertains to him stems from
the disappointing 2013 campaign of Congo DR (the OTHER Congo, gentlemen).
Now everyone’s confused again. ; (
Look. Bottom Line: This group is too strong. These Devils
dropped valuable points at precisely the wrong point in the Round-Robin-Cycle.
Consider them on the ropes.
12)
Tunisia
Yet another ho-hum debut for one of the early favorites.
Improperly updated cut information led your friendly bookie to project Saber
Khalifa and Fahkreddine Ben Youssef as the two starting strikers. Unbeknownst
to me, both players were left off after being selected for the preliminary
squad. This makes a huge difference.
The “Eagles of Carthage” are no longer projected to top the
group. Ludogorets phenom Hamza Younes might still be able to get them to the
Quarters. Who doesn’t love Ludogorets? Nevertheless, we must now conclude that
Georges Leekens is drunk with power. He’s gone way too far in his purging.
Surely this will come back to bite him.
13)
Cape Verde
Babanco and Nhuck (Heldon Ramos) kicked sufficient ass in
their much-awaited debut. A draw still leaves them classified as
underachievers. Your friendly bookie failed to find what he was looking for in
this laggard performance.
Of course that doesn’t mean that insolvents such as Kuca and
Carlitos don’t have plenty of time left to redeem themselves. We merely take
note of a wasted opportunity.
14)
Ghana
Anyone else thinking of the World Cup Bonus Row right about
now? The Ayew Brothers have to do a whole lot better than this. Disastrous
showing from Wakaso Mubarak, Jonathan Mensah, and Christian Atsu. Avram Grant
better scrounge up some answers quickly. Otherwise, he’ll forever be known for
his days as the West Ham manager. Screw the “legend” status.
15)
Cote d’Ivoire
WHAT?!?
Gervinho?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
NO, NO, NO!! Didn’t you get the Memo?
WE…don’t do that here. African teams are supposed to succumb
to frustration and implode in the World Cup, NOT the African Cup of Nations.
Your friendly bookie has born witness to much flippant craziness in his twelve
plus years of keeping a book (Zinidine Zidane’s infamous head-butt in the 2006
Final comes to mind)….but….a “Rick-James-Style Bitchslap”?? A “Charlie
Murphy—What-did-the-five- fingers-say-to-the-face” temple swat from a man who
even resembles Dave Chapelle’s portrayal of “Mr. Superfreak”?!?!?
Wow. No one could have anticipated this. No one has seen
anything like this. Gervinho’s suspension is huge, especially given the fact
that he was Les Elephants best player on the pitch up until that point.
Lest anyone be tempted to write off this team, their surfeit
of talent was on display when the ten-man squad threaded together an awesome
series of passes that culminated in Yaya Toure and Wilfried Bony
scintillatingly setting up Seydou Doumbia for the equalizer in the 72nd.
Wildried Bony….oh Christ. Manchester City will win the Premiership now. Mark my
words!
They’ll rise higher than 15th place, but will
they make the Knockouts?
Errrgh….I HONESTLY DON’T KNOW!
16)
Burkina Faso
Ach du Scheiße!
Verfickte Überscheiße!
Two solid pages of hype devoted to this team and all they
can manage is an epic pork-bellyflop onto that substandard Bata pitch.
Dammit!
Plenty of prowess from Pitroipa and Alain Traore.
Nineteen-year-old newbie Bertrand Traore blew your friendly bookie right away.
Keep an attentive eye on that kid. He can hotfoot it forward in a hurry and
create all manner of problems for even the best keepers. The use of Bance as a
fresh-legged substitute just after the hour mark wasn’t a bad strategy at
all..in theory. Had he converted some of his late chances, we wouldn’t be
bothering with such sad post-mortem.
Far too early to press the panic button. Pitroipa and the
Stallions got off to a similarly uninspiring start two years ago before
catching fire. The Panthers of Gabon may also just have this team’s number.
They shellacked them once during the qualifying stages in a beat down that
featured an Aubameyang brace, then snatched a late point when Jorge Costa
outmaneuvered Paul Put with his tactical substitutions.
Watching my declared favorites attempt to awkwardly navigate
a stiff-looking 4-4-2, this bookie finds himself wishing that Willy Sanou,
Moumoni Dagano, or Issouf Outtara could be plugged into the equation to shore
things up. Then he settles down. ; ) Almeria midfielder Jonathan Zonga debuted
strongly enough for a twenty-two year-old with only fourteen international
caps. Bertrand Traore, and Narcisse Bamabarra will play themselves into form as
the tournament progresses.
Overall, this 23-man-roster far exceeds the one pieced
together in 2013. With a cakewalk against Equatorial Guinea coming up, my “Dark
Horse Pick” will execute a thrashing and be on its merry way. ; )
Confidence is coming. Patience, Amadou. We’ve been here
before. Here’s a little gem pilfered from “the archives.”
From CAN 2013—Round Two
5) Burkina Faso
A fantastic result for the Stallions, whose prospects
for the knockout stages just received a big boost. They couldn’t possibly have
looked bleaker at kickoff, with Allain Traore and Willy Sanou scratched after
light injuries caused them to fail Belgian coach Paul Put’s fitness test.
Yes, you read that correctly. The Burkinabes are
managed by a man named “Paul Put”. He’s overseen steady improvement after the
previous tenures of managers, the Dutchman “A. Dolff-Heetler”, the Saudi
“Oussama al-Awlaki”, the Australian “Kim Eilsung” the German “Josef Stahlen”,
and the…..okay we've fucked the hell out of that lame-o gag.
Editor’s
retroactive notes:
Public Service Announcement: “We’ve fucked the hell out
of that lame-o gag” translates to “We’ve run this bit into the ground”
Thankfully, both Sanou and Traore found their way onto
the pitch, in Traore’s case just in time to be the hero. Former Hamburger SV
magic man Jonathan Pitroipa gave us all a taste of why Rennes was willing to
pay him those five million Euros. The way he tore down the right and shook off
everyone to set up Traore for the 95th minute equalizer was
breathtaking.
Pitroipa is far from finished. We’ll hear from him
along with other big names Kone, Kabore, and Bance. I reiterate that this has
consistently been a strong team that merely needed to catch the right break.
Looks as if they just might have got it.
Wednesday
Equatorial
Guinea vs. Burkina Faso
vs. The “Road Back-to-Glory” is paved with the skeletal remains of inferior opposition….or the decaying corpses of good intentions. Whichever you prefer. Your friendly bookie is only comfortable projecting a narrow and meek victory here.
THE
LINE: Burkina Faso +1 Goal
Gabon
vs. Congo NDR
vs. 
Of all the matches to watch over your Lunch Break, don’t
miss out on this one. In my initial draft, Congo NDR retained a slight
advantage. In the second draft, Congo NDR were deemed too inconsistent and the
Panthers held the line. As of now, the recent performance of Pierre
Emerick-Aubameyang has me second-guessing myself and we’re down to a pick.
Bookie picks a draw. That’s about all he can do.
THE
LINE: Pick em’
Thursday
Zambia
vs. Tunisia
vs. 
Another line rolls downward from the inchoate prognostication. Just can’t trust Georges Leekens after I learned of his decision to cut his two best strikers. Something is rotten in the state of Belgium…which is what Shakespeare would have written had Belgium existed during his time.
THE
LINE: Pick em’
Cape
Verde vs. Congo DR
vs. 
This line holds. The Blue Sharks maintain enough talent to pull it out. Moreover, their modified 4-3-3 should easily be able to pierce Florent Ibenge’s insipid 4-2-3-1.
THE
LINE: Cape Verde +1 Goal
Friday
Ghana
vs. Algeria
vs. 
Man did the “Black Stars” ever blow it. All they had to do was secure at least a point against the wholly inconsistent Lions of Teranga. Now the Desert Foxes have them boxed in. Not a good time to be a Jerry Rawling’s boys. They’re in line for a Spanish “double-shock”. This won’t be pretty.
THE
LINE: Algeria + 1 Goal
South
Africa vs. Senegal
vs. 
Tokelo Rantie can’t hope to do it all by his lonesome. It’ll be fun to watch him try, but the Senegalese will prevail here.
THE
LINE: Senegal +1 Goal
Saturday
Cote
d’Ivoire vs. Mali
vs. 
….
….
….
The Gervinho suspension is obviously huge. We must all still
expect the same result. It’ll be closer, but Bony and Yaya Toure won’t be
denied.
THE
LINE: Cote d’Ivoire + 2 Goals
Cameroon
vs. Guinea
vs. 
Grrrr….does your friendly bookie dare wager on Volker Finke?
NEVER!!!!
UPSET ALERT!!!!
THE
LINE: Guinea +1 Goal
GENTLEMEN,
ENTER YOUR WAGERS
