CAN 2015--Geo-Syndicate Redux

Welcome back to Africa Syndicate Members,

We’ve all waited long enough to return to the true “Footballer’s Paradise”. Any true fan of the Beautiful Game knows that the Dark Continent serves as the vital blood pumping vascular organ from which all our devotion for the sport flows.

Africa provides us with the most passion, the best stories, the most intriguing players, and nearly all of the completely unexpected outcomes.

One can extrapolate that to the continent as a whole. Great sports and unbelievable people.

Welcome home : ) : )

It’s great to be back after two long years. That’s about all the time we have for the sentimental angle for now, however. Time to get moving with a thirty page primer of your 2015 AFCON.

Let’s roll. Six noteworthy countries won’t play a part in this, and your friendly bookie will get you up to speed.

Notable Absences:

 Morocco

These morons have not only forfeited the right to host a great tournament, they’ve also deservedly had their sorry asses booted out of CAF for the foreseeable future. What a bunch of worthless pussies! Should we continue to refer to this side as the “Atlas Lions” or simply redub them the “Atlas Cross-eyed Kitties”?

Argh. Your friendly bookie remains ‘fuchteufelswild”. I’m so furious I can’t even be bothered to remember what the appropriate English translation of that Kraut adjectival clause is! You goddamned filthy racist “sandni***rs”!! Hope your hideous, disease-ridden camels give you all vicious saddle sores with a side of testicular cancer! May Allah smite you ignoble trashy towelheads!! You can’t back out of your contractual obligation to hold a competition just because you’re a bunch of xenophobic, ignorant nitwits!

Nyaaaargh! DIE DIE DIE!! Fuck you and all of your mothers….straight to hell with the whole damn lot of….of…..of…..yawn. Okay, even a “Master of Spite” can tire of vitriol. Time to calm down. Your friendly bookie has come a long way since he outright refused to even devote more than a paragraph to the three predominantly Arab North African countries competing in the 2013 African Cup of Nations. The frustrating fact remains that a quality football team and a civically-minded citizenry shouldn’t be robbed of a football festival simply because their football administration is staffed with inbred fucktards of so-called “noble” descent.

Sigh. It really wasn’t supposed to be this way. Might as well label this the 123,984^th step backward for the once-promising “Arab Spring”. Moroccan denizens followed the Tunisian lead back in 2011 and pressured King Mohammed VI into delegating more governmental powers to a bicameral assembly. There wasn’t supposed to even be a “Royal Moroccan Football Association” by this point, let alone one that made stupid decisions on behalf of an aspiring public.

Furthermore, the Atlas Lions could have given us a good show. They won me over with three entertaining group stage matches in 2013. I was even looking forward to watching Maroune Chamakh of Crystal Palace, Stoke’s Oussama Assaidi, and maybe even Marseilles’s Abulaziz Barridi. No Karim El Ahmadi. No Younes Belhanda. No Mounir El Hamdaoui.

The state of Equatorial Guinea’s human rights record is atrocious, but what choice do we have? Ghana and South Africa both refused to host the tournament after the Moroccan request for a postponement was justifiably denied.

Ah shit. As is often the case a genuine lover of African football finds himself remiss. What can one do? I suppose it’s just time to watch some football. That’s what we do.

YOU’LL NEVER WATCH ALONE ; ) ; ) ; ) ; )

 Egypt

Now this constitutes a tsunami of a shock. They may have missed out on 2012 and 2013, but that was understandable following the complications arising from the Port Said Stadium Disaster and the ensuing suspensions, penalties, and official organizational docking.

The 1982 team was also forced to withdraw for political reasons. Other than that, every African Cup of Nations since 1978 has featured the Pharaohs. They captured five titles, including a three-peat in 2006, 2008, and 2010.

They were supposed to be back.

Alas, the Pharaohs continued to wilt after the departure of former U.S. Men’s coach Bob Bradley. Inexperienced domestic league trainer Shawky Gharb just couldn’t rouse the eleven during the final group qualification phase. The Senegalese and Tunisians spanked them twice. A couple of wins against Botswana would make no difference.

Too many critical points were dropped when this depleted and demoralized squad couldn’t even manage a draw. Dark days continue for the once-proud powerhouse. One wonders if we’ll see them again anytime soon. 

 Angola

Longtime Syndicate Members know of my affection for this former Portuguese Colony and their “Black (sometimes referred to as ‘Sable’ Antelopes. They initially captured my heart with a spirited performance during the 2006 FIFA World Cup in Germany. I got so pumped about seeing them back in 2013 that I accorded them their own massive introductory section AND graciously attentive set of retroactive notes eighteen months later.

Yes…there’s a repost coming. That wasn’t just you ; ) ; )

From CAN 2013: Syndicate: Dark Continent

 Angola (Winning Odds 7-1)

Viva la Black Antelopes! I’m positively giddy about seeing this country compete again. That isn’t to suggest that I have in any way forgotten the shameful fatal attack by Cabndian Rebels when they shot up the Togolese convoy during the 2010 African Cup of Nations. Christ, what a terrible episode. Every football lover recalls that abhorrently horrendous day. Much like Adebayor and the entire Togolese squad, I was out after that.

As hosts that year, the Angolans bore the responsibility of providing adequate security. The possibility that the country’s endemic civil strife would spill over into an opportunistic strike against military escorts should have been anticipated. Shame on all those involved in the logistics. Angola should have been punished, not Togo.

Of course, we must ultimately put such tragic occurrences behind us. After all, the Angolans were not actually the perpetrators of such heinous acts. Some dickless separatist rebels were. The victims included all those involved in the tournament, including football lovers worldwide. If there remains something to be resentful toward, let’s settle on those arbitrary 1884 borders. There we are. Place the blame on Bismarck and move on…

The Black Antelopes were one of the real treats of the 2006 World Cup in Germany. Arguably the weakest team in the tournament, they fought exceedingly hard to supply us all with some thoroughly entertaining football. That team also featured colorful characters like Flavio, Titi Buego, Lebo Lebo, and Akwa. The fans were an instant hit in beloved old Deutschland, as was the only AFRICAN coach to actually coach an AFRICAN team (Luis Olivera Gonclaves).

Current squad director Gustavo Ferrin is a Uruguayan who arrived from across the pond just last summer. His team selection reeks of insecurity and desperation. In the past month he’s called up a now 33-year-old Flavio, a nearly 34-year-old Love, along with well past-their-prime elders Dede and Gilberto.

The use of such “blasts from tournament’s past” will likely prove decisively dumb, given the tantamount importance of speed in the African game, particularly in the middle of the pitch. There is hope in that strikers Manucho and Matheus appear in peak form…but that will matter little if no one can generate some useful feeders.   

Editor’s retroactive notes:

 Your friendly bookie did receive some modest flak for continually emphasizing the tragic events that took place at the 2010 African Cup of Nations. One Syndicate member suggested that I brandished such obscure knowledge as a way of making myself feel superior. Who do you take me for? Shane Smith?

The tragic realities of football related violence are, in point of fact, a topic I’d much prefer to eschew. Acknowledging the existence of regular riots, the ever-growing presence of sophisticated militarized units at matches across Europe, the invariable deaths arising from hooliganism, and any events linking football with political violence is painful enough. Composing appropriately thoughtful words on the irrefutable connection between my personal favorite leisure activity and ghastly inhumane acts isn’t a charge I take up with much enthusiasm. 

Nevertheless, we cannot simply opt to collectively forget atrocious events such as the Escobar murder, the Egyptian melees, the Togolese attack, or any number of more recent events such as the pre-match murder of a father of four in Sweden or the post-match litany of injuries in Croatia. Tragic occurrences such as these are so prevalent that one can expect to read about them nearly every week.

To touch on all of them in detail would leave no room for the irreverent fun we hope to immerse ourselves in. Thus, I don’t necessarily consider it an altogether unreasonable expectation that some of the most heinous atrocities receive a regular mention. I find it just as sickening as you do, but certain stories shouldn’t be allowed to lapse from one’s consciousness.    

Whew! Figuring out which folder I stashed one of these documents in is becoming quite the chore on more overcrowded desktop. Er…if anyone is interested in re-organizing my filing system…I’ll pay you $20/hour: CASH MONEY.

In any event, the Angolans screwed up with underachieving draws against inferior sides Gabon and Lesotho. Hence, they are not here. Pity

 Nigeria

SAY IT A’INT SO, VICEY!!

SAY IT A’INT SO!!

NOOOOOOO!!

I’m afraid it’s true, brothers. The official adopted team of the Syndicate; the 2013 African Cup Champions will not be joining us. They’re gone. Wear your jersey with pride. Chant your patented “Super Eagle” cheers. It won’t bring them back, but go ahead and proceed anyway. This bombshell hurts worse than the Dresden Firebombing. Nevertheless, it’s just as real.

It all fell apart after tactical genius Stephen Keshi foolishly resigned following the disappointing 2014 World Cup Campaign. Why, Keshi? WHY? WHY??!?!?! Sure they failed to advance out of the Group, but why did the man feel he had to hold himself to such ridiculously high standards? Why did he deprive the World of his obvious greatness simply because he couldn’t manage to be the Perfect Superhero ALL of the time? Who does this man think he is? Me?

Er….that was weird and uncharacteristic. Honestly no idea where that came from. It just sort of came out. Do forgive me.

Moving right along, the Super Eagles were easily poised to capture an AFCON berth. After Keshi left, they drew South Africa twice and lost to Sudan. Congo NDR outpaced them to secure second place by a two-point margin. Now Elderson, Emmenike, Yobo, Mba, Igiebor, Victor Moses, Onazi, Musa, John Obi Mikel, Oboabona, Uche, Omerou, Ambrose, Ideye Brown, Enyeama, Babatunde, and Odemwingie are all gone…..GONE I TELL YOU!

Oh does your friendly bookie ever feel like crying. Damn you, Stephen Keshi! Damn you to hell. The two of us need to sit down and have a deep discussion about the importance of giving oneself a break every so often. You must learn to forgive yourself. You can’t just quit your job because you’re not perfect. You must accept your limitations and learn not to hate yourself for your flaws. Should you choose not to exonerate yourself, you may very well end up wasting your life working the shittiest job on the planet for a year or so.

In a completely unrelated note, all of us here at the Syndicate wish Stephen Keshi all the best in his new gig as a Walgreen’s Cashier ; )

 Togo

The Sordid Saga continues. Forlorn Togo glided to two easy victories against Uganda, but faltered in their matches against Ghana and Guinea. Fare thee well, Sparrow Hawks.

This tournament won’t be the same without Emmanuel Adebayor. Nothing is the same without Emmanuel Adebayor. Go SPURS!!

For the uninitiated, here’s the Togo saga (for the “nth” time):

From WM 2006: “The Curse of the Syndicate”

 Togo

On the subject of debutantes, a hearty welcome the “Sparrow Hawks”, coached by the man from Cologne Otto “Iron” Pfister! What? Oh this just in….Pfister has resigned over the government’s refusal to pay the players their promised World Cup Bonus. Poor, poor Togo. The most any of you have heard about this sliver of a former German Colony is probably the coup d’etat that took place last year. Togo exports predominantly tires, most of which were burned after Natchaba was diverted to Benin. Now this leaderless team is everyone’s pick to finish dead last. Ooops.

Editor’s retroactive notes:

It only got worse for poor little Togo. After being thrown out of the AU, they had to scrounge for four long years before a 2010 Election lifted the most sever sanctions. Pfister came back at the players’ request, but none of them ever saw their rightful bonuses. In 2008 a helicopter crash wiped out the entire administrative echelon. In 2010 their bus was attacked by Angolan Separatists, wounding keeper Kodjovi Obilale with career ending injuries, and fatally shooting three assistant coaches along with the driver. Togolese superstriker Emmanuel Adebayor, who has starred for Arsenal, Man City, and Real Madrid, sustained minor injuries but never returned the same player. 

The incident understandably led to the withdrawal of the Togolese Football Team from the African Cup of Nations. The ruthless CAF then banned them for an “early forfeit”, a ban that remains in effect. Next time you feel inclined to bitch about the “lack of justice” in your world, won’t you take a moment to consider the Togolese Football Team? Never paid, shot at, and suspended. Yeah, the result of your job interview really sucks. Try your hand at their job.

 Niger

Not really all that great of a surprise to learn that the Menas didn’t make it out of a qualifying group that included the upstart Cape Verdian Sharks, the ever-dangerous Zambian Copper Bullets, and the third wheel Os Mambas of Mozambique. All that your friendly wishes to say is that he recalls Moussa Maazo and the boys. They’re far from forgotten.

And there’s also this. Sorry about this. It was great to see you in back-to-back AFCON Tournaments!

Sorry again!

From CAN 2013: Syndicate: Dark Continent

 Niger (Winning Odds 8-1)

Are we absolutely positive that we’re pronouncing this name correctly, syndicate members? That’s [Nee-gher] Are we clear? It’s Hausa. Be respectful. The Menas of Niger qualified for their first ever international tournament last year owing most of it to the aforementioned qualifying discrepancy, which eliminated South Africa. They return with a team that boasts….well…nothing much really. Midfielder Oliver Bonnes plays for Brussels, but has yet to score a goal. Adding insult to injury, it’s FC Brussels. Who cares? It’s not as if we’re talking Club Brugge or Anderlecht. Then there’s Issoufou Boubcar Garbar, who plays over in Phuket. And don’t forget Ouwo……okay, look. I’ll level with you. This is a BAD team. They’re not going anywhere. They’ll finish last. Satisfied?

 COOL NAME ALERT—Niger 

 1) DF Jimmy Bulus

Want to know the name of the guy always hanging around down by the pizza parlor? His name is Jimmy Bulus. You got a problem with that? Yeah, maybe you don’t remember him? Maybe there’s been some mis-fuckin-understanding. Maybe you don’t give a shit. Maybe you don’t remember the last time you blew your nose either.

Okay…enough already.

 2) DF Djibril Moussa Souna

The name “Djibril” is not unfamiliar. Why, who doesn’t recall Djibril Cisse? Instead, we’ll focus on the Moussa Souna part. Mmmmm..sounds tasty. Next time I walk into a Lebanese restaurant, I expect some “Moussa Souna”. And it damn well better contain eggplant, chickpeas, a brazing of olive oil, lightly charred lamb rib, and some paprika! You hear me? Funny that a guy who eats only for fuel somehow spontaneously came up with a recipe. Can’t explain it.

 3) MF William N’Gounou

Hey now. No reason to give a cat with a perfectly snappy African last name a perfectly boring English first name! The hell? You couldn’t have named him “Nanegosou N’Gounou”?

 4) FW Ouwo Moussa Ma’azo

Okay. Vowels are cool. When one hails from a country that never adopted the Roman alphabet, I understand. Truly, I do. Africans too often incorporate vowels. Black Americans double down on the consonants. It’s all good. It’s all fine. I still can’t pronounce this striker’s name. Does anyone want a betting credit?

Group A (Equatorial Guinea, Burkina Faso, Gabon, Congo NDR)

       

Time to make the acquaintance of two Syndicate Debutantes, check in with a country always on the periphery of our little bookmaking operation, and welcome back an old dear friend. There should be little room for a surprised in this straightforward group, but the actual fixtures may have me eating crow.

Equatorial Guinea (Overall Winning Odds—12 to 1)

Before even beginning to discuss the team known as the “National Thunder”, we must take care to clear up any confusion about this which “Guinea” we are referring to. How many “Guineas” are there on this spinning blue orb? Far too, many as your friendly bookie initially conveyed to you back in 2009.

From WMQ 2009—“Syndicate with A Vengeance”:

Guinea v. Burkina Faso

 vs. 

Plenty of debate about whether or not they’re going to hold this one at all. The Stade de 28 Septembre is not where I’d like to be right now L L Guinean citizens, my hopes for a speedy cessation of the bloodshed. This Captain Camara appears to be another Conte. Once more tranquil times resume, we must take up the cause of the preponderance of countries on this planet named some variant of “Guinea”. We’ve got “Guinea”, “Equatorial Guinea”, “Guinea-Bissau”, “Papua New Guinea”, and “French Guinea” (in South America). Arghhh!! This single-handedly sunk my chances for the Jeopardy! College Championship. L

THE LINE: Guinea +1 Goal

Editor’s retroactive notes:

Two months after this was written, Captain Camarra was nearly assassinated by one of his own soldiers. After they flew him to Ouagadougou for medical treatment, a six-month plan to restore the country to civilian rule was drafted. Though elections were delayed, a competent and professorial longtime opposition leader Alpha Conde in December 2010. The ICC prepares for oral arguments in the prosecution of the mass rape atrocity that occurred in front of the Stade 28 Septembre. To date no soldiers have been successfully prosecuted. Ideally, at least some partial justice for this deplorable assault on human dignity will be served.

And no, unlike the crusading “KONY 2012” kid, I do not plan to be caught masturbating in public anytime soon. Not “caught” anyway J

Everyone got that? That was a different Guinea! Five separate Sovereign States incorporate your friendly bookie’s second favorite anti-Italian ethnic slur in their territorial integrity. I’ll just go ahead and advise you that ALL of that is going to be on the test. Professor Pete doesn’t grade on the curve.

To those for whom the name Equatorial Guinea still rings a faint bell from Syndicates of yore, you’re thinking of the ladies that competed in the 2011 Women’s World Cup. Turbine Potsdam striker Anonman wowed us all with her tenacious play.

Break off a bite of nostalgia.

From FWM 2011—Round Two

Sunday--------

Australia vs. Equatorial Guinea

  vs. 

The Black Queens have proven incredibly entertaining to watch, unleashing blistering strikes and playing with a fiery tempo! Christ, what amazing power from future Potsdam Striker Anonman! Norwegian Keeper Ingrid Hjelmsseth will have bruised boobs for a solid week. Here are you notes on the historic masterpiece executed by Anonman: Twelve shots, over sixty touches, and an unrelenting presence all over the field. We have a word for that, gentlemen: heart. What an outstanding performance! Never seen anything like that in my life. Diala and Adriana were fantastic too, though they cannot help but be overshadowed.

We finally arrive at the team slated to participate in this competition. First off, don’t let those stars on the crest fool you. They signify nothing. It’s one of Africa’s worst teams, if not THE worst of all time. This country never qualified for a single major international tournament until they co-hosted the 2012 African Cup of Nations. Buoyed by an enthusiastic fan base and two gleaming new stadiums a mixture of E.G. Heritage players from Spain and Portugal carried the surprise Cinderella into the Quarterfinals.

I’ll augur that history appears set to repeat itself. An advantageous 4-2-3-1 spearheaded by Indian international Ivan Bolado and buttressed by Middlesborough central midfielder Emilo Nsue matches up well against the gaping holes in the both the Gabonese and Congo NDR defenses.

A bit of swagger injected by the home pitch should propel these heavy underdogs to the Knockout Round….and no further.

 Projecting the Eq. Guinean Lineup (4-2-3-1) 

Ivan Bolado

Juvenal                               Javier Balboa

Randy     Emilio Nsue      Zaradonna

Rui da Gracia                 Miguel Angel

Sipo                D. Mbele

Felipe Ovono

Burkina Faso (Overall Winning Odds—Straight Up)

Looking for a Dark Horse to mount? I mean…hold on second. Just to be clear, I’m using a sporting metaphor common in such competitions, not writing copy for black-fetish-gay-porn. I’m simply trying to announce a sleeper; an underdog; an upset special; an unexpected candidate Er…let’s start over.

From the top boys….dammit. Okay let’s try again.

Muster atop the Stallions if you wish to ride a Stalking Horse all the way to the Glory of the AFCON Final!! Eh………It’ll do.

The Lads from Upper Volta return, with more-or-less the same squad that burst through to the Championship Match in 2013 and lost by a toenail to the Nigerians. The boys are back, and they a’int fucking around at Dino’s Bar & Grill either. They’re goin’ for gold this time.

They’re not the only ones that the Syndicate welcomes back with open arms and a sentimental heart. Before delving further into this squad, we must take a moment to acknowledge the return (after TWELVE LONG YEARS) of the original Syndicate Member 1-M!! Recent political events in Burkina Faso have allowed this Shadow Scholar to re-establish contact with the first man from the first class. Syndicate regulations ordinarily preclude us from mentioning actual names in the copy, but an exception absolutely must be made in this case.

Brothers, please welcome back:

Amadou Mamadou from Ouagadougou!

Herzlich wilkommen wieder in unserem Kreis, Kumpel ; ) Wir sind alle froh dich nach Zwölf Jahren wiederaufzunehmen. : )

Amadou and I go all the way back to the Pre-Syndicate days at the Universität Heidelberg Augmenting Program in 2001. When Blaise Compaore was finally overthrown this past October, I found myself to hunt down the old dog to see what Amadou Mamadou from Ouagadougou thought about the long-overdue military coup. Say that out loud. You won’t regret it. ; ) ; )

Wouldn’t you know it, I found the hefty bastard and we picked up right where we left off. Current Syndicate Member 1-M will be re-designated Syndicate Member 1-M-X. No further reshuffling will be necessary. Clearly everyone is now desperately hoping that I dispense with the buddy-buddy drivel and get back to talking football, but let me at least find an overriding theme:

Wir begrüßen dich!

Superstriker Jonathan Pitroipa now plays in the U.A.E and has had a lousy season that doesn’t mean the former SC Freiburg and Hambrger SV man isn’t capable of carrying this team on his broad shoulders just like he did back in 2013. Anyone interested in perusing further evidence of my hopeless man-crush on Pitroipa can pretty much click on any of the CAN 2013 posts and listen to me gush.

Wir begrüßen dich!

Alain Traoré finally found his stride again over at FC Lorient and is ready to partner with Pitroipa up front.

Wir begrüßen dich!

Aristide Bancé has now finally matured into a full-fledged anchoring striker after FC Augsburg and Fortuna Düsseldorf pitched him.

Wir begrüßen dich!

Charles Kabore, Barbary Koné, Abdou Traoré, Florent Rouamba, Paul Koulibaly, and Abdoulaye Soulama all return in decent form.

Wir begrüßen euch!

I know that the “Super Eagles” are absent and that all of you feel disappointed that you can’t trot those jerseys I bought for you out to the pub and use them to get laid. Take solace in the fact that the Stallions will make an excellent substitute.

Gentlemen, meet MY favorites to win it all. Burkina Faso over Cote d’Ivoire in the final and everyone gets a jersey.

Yes we can!

 Projecting the Burkinabe Lineup (4-3-3) 

Jonathan Pitroipa Alain Traoré

Aristide Bancé

Charles Kabore

Djakaridja Kone Abdou Traoré

N. Bambara P. Koulibaly B. Kone M. Koffi

A. Soulama

Gabon (Overall Winning Odds—4 to 1)

No Omar Bongo jokes this time. Bookie’s promise. At this point, dead-as-a-doornail Omar Bongo only lends his name to the stadium. Fuck him and fuck Sarkozy for attending his funeral. Instead, we’ll take a few minutes to explore the possibility of Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang leading this team out of the group. Can it happen? Will it happen? Can anyone playing for Borussia Dortmund be trusted at this point? 

All legitimate questions. The French-born Aubameyang debuted as an international for the “Les Bleaus” U-21 side back in 2009 whilst on loan to Lille. The man possesses three passports, meaning the Italians were also bidding for his services. The Gabon Panthers ultimately ended up recruiting him harder, however, and he’s represented Gabon over the past five years. In 35 international caps he’s scored 13 goals, rendering him an “über-talisman" of sorts.

Decent backup in central midfield gives him a fighting chance to receive a few useful feeders on the tip of his boot. Charlton Athletic Short-Striker Frederic Bulot is known for his telegraphed passes. Twenty-two-year-old Malik Evouna has the power to punt a few useful balls forward.

The remainder of the midfield and defensive ranks top 150 total caps. Keeper Didier Ovoono has suited up 73 times for his country. The 2012 Quarterfinalists still won’t escape the group because Aubemeyang will try to do too much on his own. He’s trapped in that mindset after Borussia lost Lewandowski. Even his talent can’t save this side. Expect some impressive fireworks, but don’t expect the Quarterfinals.

To clarify a quandary posed above, don’t trust anyone playing for Borussia Dortmund this season. Terrible idea.

 Projecting the Gabonese Lineup (4-2-3-1) 

Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang

Malik Evouna    Frederic Bulot

Levy Madinda  Andre Poko    Guelor Kanga

A. Appindangoye                  Benjamin Ze Ondo

Bruno E. Manga  Llyod Palun

Didier Ovoono

Congo NDR (Overall Winning Odds—8 to 1)

Sorry to add to everyone’s confusion, but the two Congos warrant some explanation. The former Zaire has been known as “The Democratic Republic of the Congo” (Congo DR) since 1997. To spare everyone the tortuous history of the Civil War that still flares up in this region from time to time, there happens to be a comparatively stable country adjacent known as “The Republic of the Congo”

Once again, I don’t wish to blow anyone’s brain circuits in the same way that I did with my former rants about the M-23 Rebels back in 2013. Problematic name designations persist. If the former Zaire retains the title “The Democratic Republic of the Congo”, how exactly should we refer to the neighboring “Republic of the Congo”? For Simplicity’s sake, the Syndicate has opted to categorize the former Leopolist-state on the left as “Congo NDR”, or “Congo-Non-Democratic-Republic”.

It should be noted that “Congo NDR” actually happens to be the more democratic of the two countries. Congo NDR instituted multi-party democracy long before the French African Equatorial Civil War engulfed them. Though still authoritarian, Congo NDR hasn’t had to put up with Joseph Kabila for fourteen years.

Might as well reiterate that ALL of this will be on the test. Take notes. All confusion should now be cleared up.

Ah shit….did I mention that BOTH countries insist on being called “The Leopards”? Scratch everything.

Former Ghana, Oman, Syria, AND “Congo DR” coach Claude Le Roy is now in charge of the operation. Having had far too much to say about him in the past, your friendly bookie will just go ahead and label him a congenital failure for now. Claude Le Roy picks shitty lineups. Reference past Syndicates if you must. Delvin N’Dinga won’t save this team. Count on that. 

 Projecting the Congo NDR Lineup (4-3-3) 

Ferebory Dore            Ladislas Douniama

Fabrice N’Guessi

Prince Oniangue

Delvin N’Dinga   Cesaire Gandze

B. M. Ngonga F. N’Ganga I. N’Ganga  D. Bissiki

Chancel Massa

Vicey’s Fearless Group Projection—4 to 1 Odds for Bookie)

1) Burkina Faso 

2) Equatorial Guinea 

3) Gabon 

4) Congo NDR 

Quarterfinal Odds

 1) Burkina Faso (NO BETS)

 2) Congo NDR (Straight Up)

  3) Gabon (Straight Up)

 4) Equatorial Guinea (2 to 1)

Semifinals Odds

 1) Burkina Faso (NO BETS)

 2) Congo NDR (2 to 1)

  3) Gabon (2 to 1)

 4) Equatorial Guinea (4 to 1)

Group B (Zambia, Tunisia, Cape Verde, Congo DR)

       

By no means an easy group to predict, we’ll just have to go ahead and ride the stats on through. No sense in betting with one’s heart is there, Syndicate Members?

Zambia (Overall Winning Odds—5 to 1)

The 2012 Continental Champions, long since knocked off their perch, fins themselves at the tail end of their Golden Era. Herve Renard signed with Cote d’Ivoire over the summer and most of the skeleton staff he left in Lusaka with him. After getting off to a shaky start, new head trainer Honour Janza got the boys to settle down and win their final three qualification matches comfortably.

A lousy draw, however, leaves the Chipolopolos projected to finish at the bottom of this group and continue to struggle in international competition for years to come.

It just won’t come together for the once deadly Copper Bullets, who had little choice but to leave past-their-prime scoring threats Christopher Katongo, Collins Mbesuma, and Isaac Chansa at home. Diehard Syndicate Fiends will recognize those names. That trio of strikers was instrumental in securing the 2012 Championship, then proceeded to look like a bunch of old farts playing poor shuffleboard in 2013.

It’s truly amazing how quickly they declined as their respective thirtieth birthdays approached. Katongo was deemed too slow to play for his Chinese Club (of all places) and now laces up in South Africa. Ditto Mbesuma. The man once labeled “The Hurricane” has been downgraded to Tropical Storm Status. Chansa just signed a contract in…wait for it…INDONESIA. He’ll look to work on his knitting skills before hanging them up.

It isn’t hard to see why Renard failed to even attain a group stage victory back in 2013. Those old fogies left the Chipolopolos looking flat, tired, and predictable. The loss of such dead weight could possibly be construed as a blessing, but the Bullets only have one top-class player per third of the pitch. Sochaux Sensation Emmanuel Mayunga can score off the break. Probably about time Southampton called him back to St. Mary’s. Rainford Kalaba can still generate useful movement in short midfield. Young phenom Emmanuel Mbola is a Lahm-like Left Back capable of charging up the flanks and tallying if necessary.

Unfortunately, it’s impossible to see those three carrying the other eight. Trust your bookie’s instincts on this one. It just won’t come together. 

 Projecting the Zambian Lineup (4-4-2) 

Given Singuluma  Emmanuel Mayuka

Chisamba Lungu           Rainford Kalaba

Kondwani Mtonga Nathan Sinkala

Emmanuel Mbloa                      Davies Nkausu

Stoppila Sunzu    Christopher Munthali

Kennedy Mweene

Tunisia (Overall Winning Odds—Straight Up)

Absolutely no way the “Eagles of Carthage” fail to attain the Knockout Round for the second consecutive African Cup of Nations. They’re way too talented. They’ve undergone quite the makeover since the 2013 Debacle, in which former player Sami Trabelsi unequivocally selected a shitty squad.

It proved exceedingly to stupid to select Isaam Jemaa, Wissen Ben Yahia, and Oussouma Darragi. Younger former players often make for lousy managers in that they remain overly reliant on their hearts when selecting. Belgium legend George Leekens is now in charge and he’s purged the defensive ranks of everyone except French League 1 stalwart Aymen Abdennour. This was needed after all of those amateurish meltdowns two years ago.

Ineffective left back Khamil Chemmam not only gets the boot, he relinquishes his captain’s armband t Zurich midfielder Yassine Chickaoui. Newcomer Ferjani Sassi and returning veteran Hocine Ragued round out the new-look midfield. Saber Khalifa and Fahreddine Ben-Youssef earn promotions to full time striker.

These Eagles should easily top the group and slash their way into the Semis. Whether or not they contest for the crown will depend on lingering injuries that have pestered Khalifa and Ragued. We’ll also see if Youssef Mskani can sustain his fine form against a higher level of competition.

 Projecting the Tunisian Lineup (4-4-2) 

Saber Khalifa    F. Ben-Youssef

Youssef Msakni              Wahbi Khazri

Yassine Chikhaoui   Hocine Ragued

S. Ben-Youssef                         Rami Bedoui

Ayem Abdenndour  H. Mathlouthi

A. Mathlouthi

Cape Verde (Overall Winning Odds—2 to 1)

 Hold up…hold up…hold up… Isn’t this the country your friendly bookie nearly laughed out of the 2013 Competition before matters really even got started? You Bet it is!

From CAN 2013—Syndicate Dark Continent:

 Cape Verde (Winning Odds 11-1)

Er…right. Apparently, the Seychelles couldn’t make it. They had a “business lunch”.  The “one-two” 2012/2013 Punch has lent this tournament some much-needed diversity. The 2012 affair featured a record three countries competing for the first time in ANY sort of international stage. Last year, the boys from the Kalahari Bush (otherwise known as the Botswana Zebras) somehow managed to sneak in. Niger punched through surprisingly and Equatorial Guinea made their debut as co-hosts.

Such an unfamiliar makeup represented a marked shift from previous years, and a welcome one at that. In far too many previous tournaments one could likely rattle off the names of the contesting countries without even following the qualifying rounds. The traditional West African powerhouses (Cote d’Ivoire, Nigeria, Cameroon, Senegal and Ghana) would be present alongside the Northwest mainstays (Algeria, Morocco, Egypt and Tunisia) with a perhaps a token Southern Country (Angola, Mozambique, or East Africa) thrown in for good measure.

The times may be a-changing, though the pace can seem agonizingly glacial. The competition remains predominantly a West African Affair; with Ethiopia’s return after a thirty-plus year absence the only country giving residents east of the Congo reason to cheer. Then there’s this former Portuguese colonial archipelago, situated a few hundred miles due Wet of the Senegalese coast.

Upon first learning that I would have to compose something on Cape Verde, I’ll admit to some fleeting excitement at the prospect of discussing how two jumbo jets collided on a runway, killing 583 people all because a Dumbass Dutchmen couldn’t get the basics of taxing straight. The only problem with ruminating on that carnage is that….well..I looked it up that actually happened on the CANARY ISLANDS, some thousands of kilometers north. Oops.

So –sadly-- no carnage then, but at least we have an intriguing football team to discuss. The Blue Sharks shocked the Indomitable Lions of Cameroon (whose glory days now appear officially over) to qualify for their first-ever notable international tournament. CS Maritimo forward Heldon Nhuck capped a magnificent qualifying round with a scorcher of an away goal right in front of a demoralized crowd at the Stade Ahmadou Ahidjo. 

Nhuck headlines a balanced team filled with names immediately recognizable to followers of the Portuguese Primeira and France’s Ligue Une. The preponderance of European first stringers proves enough to give these Creoles the highest FIFA ranking of those in Group A.

Ahem…syndicate regulars may correctly deduce what comes next. FUCK THE FIFA Rankings!! Utterly useless! Fit for wrapping kitty litter and nothing more. I personally don’t see the sharks swimming out of the group.

 Editor’s retroactive notes:

Two Syndicate Members couldn’t resist taking Cape Verde on the 11-1 winning odds. It was a hopelessly quixotic long-shot, but evidently even some gentlemen wish to believe in the existence of unicorns ; ) ;) Admittedly, the heartfelt bets led to some minor heart palpitations for your friendly bookie as the Blue Sharks unexpectedly made the quarterfinals and hung tough against the Black Stars until the waning moments of the match. Had I stuck to the odds calculated in my original draft, Cape Verde would have debuted at 22-1. Presumably this would have enticed a third and fourth syndicate member to scoop up an even tastier special and profess belief in unicorns ; ) ; )  

The Blue Sharks very nearly gave your friendly bookie an aneurism!! Viva la FIFA Rankings! Hallo 27^th ranked Cape Verde! Please don’t hurt me! The 2013 Quarterfinalists not only return 100 percent intact from their last campaign, they’ve added still more weapons. Elche’s Garry Rodriguez and Olhananse’s Sergio Semedo, and Craiova’s Nuno Rocha can potentially serve as “super subs” off the bench. Yeaaah. We’re not going with 11-1 Odds this time. The Blue Sharks are going thorough. 2 to 1 odds on the Continental Championship. This bookie still won’t pick them to top the Group, however, so feel free to bet against my projection mate.

 Projecting the Cape Verdian Lineup (4-3-3) 

Ryan Mendes      Heldon Ramos

Julio Tavares

Babanco                            Marco Soares

Toni Varela

Nivaldo           Gege          Fernando      Varela Carlitos

Vozinha

Congo DR (Overall Winning Odds—5 to 1)

Now we’re prepared to discuss the other Congo; the other Leopards. Your friendly bookie fell in love with this national side the moment he first sat down to compose their introductory write up twenty four months ago. They immediately proceeded to give us the first genuinely entertaining affair of the tournament.

From CAN 2013—Round One:

Sunday

Ghana vs. Democratic Republic of Congo

  vs. 

Next we’re headed to Port Elizabeth….a shitty name for a town that should have gone the way of “Rhodesia”. “Nelson Mandela Stadium” is the venue where we’ll see if the Black Stars can continue their international hot streak. Most eyes should focus on Asamoah Gyan, now donning the captain’s armband after his controversial dumping by Premiership Club Sunderland. All the big names will be present: Kwadwo Asamoah, Badu, Vorsah, and Mensah.

Will Africa’s new champion disappoint? Signs point to…..high line.

Incidentally, should anyone wish to learn a little something about the curious emerging U.S.-Ghana Rivalry, there’s an entire section’s worth of content in the primer.

THE LINE: Ghana +2 Goals

Editor’s retroactive notes:

RESULT: Ghana 2, Congo DR 2. Finally we were rolling with a action-packed four-four goal feast! This one was a real treat. Early action saw Lomana LuaLua and Kwadwo Asamoah trade incisive runs that both culminated in chances that shaved the woodwork. Captains Asamoah Gyan and Tresor Mputu were both recipients of sharp passes and efficient cycling. While their outsized amount of possession didn’t yield any clear chances, both players appeared fit and sufficiently technical on the ball.

One had the sense that the first half wouldn’t draw to a close without a goal. It arrived in spectacular fashion in the 40^th minute when Kwadwo Asamoah calmly ignored the three defenders bearing down on him towards the end of an electrifying run and touched the ball over to Emmanuel Agyemang-Badu for a brilliant sliding finish. Agyemang-Badu had been instrumental in initiating the neat little give-and-go and himself did a fine job out muscling Larrys Mabiala for the tight finish.

The Black Stars again threatened immediately after the restart, failing to double up in 48^th only after a brave sliding tackle off a square ball by Mabiala and a fine diving tip-save from Leopard keeper Muteba Kidiaba. Two minutes later Appiah’s Ghanaians would succeed in doubling the advantage Kwadwo came crashing in to deliver an immaculate far post header off of Mubarak Wakaso’s cross. The tall Juventus fullback made the most of his size, strength, and the complete inability of the Leopards to even account for his presence by marking him.

Leopard captain Mputu obstinately refused to allow the run of play to tilt decisively in the Black Star’s favor. A scant four minutes later Mabiala finished up a scintillating forward run with an adroit pass into Mputu that split the Ghana defense. Mputu didn’t bother taking a touch as the ball rolled well inside the 18. Instead, he calmly waited a couple of seconds for Jerry Akaminko to chase him down on his left flank and keeper Fadua Dadau to commit before flicking in a sly effort with the outside of his right boot.

Congo drew level a quarter of an hour later when Akaminko’s frustration got the better of him. He had no cause to play Dieumerci Mbokani so far off the ball whilst in the box, although the awarding of a spot kick did seem just a mite harsh. Mbokani coolly converted the PK and Leopard keeper Muteba Kidiaba memorably celebrated by hoping between his goal posts in a most peculiar “ride that pony” way.

Congo might have even taken the entire three points had Dadua not SOMEHOW managed to get fingertips to a Youssef Mulumbu drilled drive in the 70^th. Four tactical substitutions in rapid succession followed, with both coaches seemingly content to play for a draw over the final 20 minutes. Asamoah Gyan produced a lovely glancing header that Kidiaba had to step forward and save deep into injury time. From a certain angle it looked as the ball had just barely crossed the line. Replays confirmed, however, that the officiating staff was correct not to award a goal.

By the time the “Goodbyes Section” rolled around, I was positively smitten. So smitten was I that I heralded a “Great Congolese Renaissance” and made what feels like 500-some-odd completely wrong predictions over the course of a few paragraphs.

From CAN 2013—Quarterfinals

 Congo DR

Acutely aware of the endemic civil and ethnic strife issues faced by both Mali and Congo DR, one couldn’t help but root for both teams during their third-round showdown on Monday. Alas, one team had to progress and it might as well have been the Eagles and the few fans that still have the privilege of cheering on their squad. Much love to Claude LeRoy and this particular incarnation of the Leopards. It was them who finally got us rolling with that thrilling performance against the Black Stars on Day Two of the tournament. The quarterfinals should have been attained. Instead, it’s a bittersweet farewell to Mbokani, Makiadi, Kabangu, LuaLua, and Mulumbu.

I’d personally like to thank LeRoy for introducing me to fresh faces like Deo Kanda, Dioko Kaluyituka, Yves Illunga, and Chancel Mbeba Mangulu. Though it may induce an aneurism in my suddenly personified spell check, I sincerely wish to type these names again. The Leopards will have to fight hard to earn a spot in Brazil. Fending off Cameroon, Togo, and (yes…a very good side) Libya won’t be easy. Not by damn sight. They’ve not been seen upon the grandest of stages for nearly four decades, when they competed as “Zaire.”

We need them back like a frazzled graduate student needs to get laid. Please rejoin us, Leopards! Experiencing the World Cup without all this top-flight talent would be as disappointing as a bloody alcohol-free Bloody Mary. We need you. We’ve missed you. We….may have had a few too many drinks…but just come back anyway.

On a less hackneyed note, I’m very optimistic. Intriguing performances from Kande, Mputu, Kisombe, Mabilala, Issama have caught the attention of football watchers far more important than me. These tournaments essentially serve as a prime audition for players to acquire big contracts. Rumors swirl about which one of these domestic league players will earn a top-flight call up. It stands to reason that at least one of them will be prepared to step in for the retiring LuaLua in 15 months time.

Already a player who was curiously left off the squad, Chris Samba, has been summoned to the Isles by Harry Redknapp for a Loftus Road Trial. Halfback Zakuani has been linked with a return to the Premiership via another loan. Three separate La Liga clubs now bid for Mputu’s services. Berlusconi’s Boys reportedly wish to pay for Kande. The Anderlecht trio may be content with their current situation, but that doesn’t mean Bundesliga clubs aren’t looking to pick them off.

Overall, this remains a strong team that will only improve under the auspices of a legendary coach. Look for the same core group of even sharper outfielders to join us next summer. Well done, Leopards. We’re on the right track. Phase One of “The Great Congolese Revival” complete. Make the most of your new chances.

Editor’s retroactive notes:

Every prediction in this section turned out to be wrong. Kanda, Mputu, Kisombe, Mabilala, and Issama went nowhere. Samba still hasn’t earned a call up. Zakuani went backwards. The team completely tanked and fired the coach. No “Great Congolese Revival.” The End.

Feet firmly on the ground, we won’t be forecasting any auspicious outcomes here. This team is far too weak, particularly up front. The always entertaining Robert Kidiaba may treat us to some spectacular saves and some even froodier goal celebrations, but it’ll be three matches and done for these Leopards. Thus, I advise we simply all relax whilst Cedric Makiadi, Youssef Mulumbu, and Yannick Bolasie do their thing.

Three of my favorites. Two Premiership Stars and a Bundesliga mainstay. This should be fun. Set all hopes aside and just chill.

 Projecting the Congo DR Lineup (4-4-2) 

Yannick Bolasise  Dieumerci Mbokani

Firmin Ndombe Mubele        Lema Mabidi

Cedric Makaidi   Youssouf Mulumbu

Jean Kasusula                           Issama Mpeko

Cedric Mongongo Joel Kimwaki

Robert Kidiaba

Vicey’s Fearless Group Projection—3 to 1 Odds for Bookie)

1) Tunisia 

2) Cape Verde 

3) Congo DR 

4) Zambia 

Quarterfinal Odds

 1) Tunisia (Straight Up)

 2) Cape Verde (Straight Up)

 3) Congo DR (Straight Up)

 4) Zambia (3 to 1)

Semifinals Odds

 1) Tunisia (Straight Up)

 2) Cape Verde (2 to 1)

 3) Congo DR (2 to 1)

 4) Zambia (4 to 1)

Group C (Ghana, Algeria, South Africa, Senegal)

       

Call this one a “Breeze”. Ghana and Algeria should breeze right on through.

Ghana (Winning Odds—Straight Up)

Several notable teams (see above) may have failed to qualify, but we can all rest easy knowing that our beloved Black Stars are still on the level. Were the “Gold Coast Players” not joining the fun, your friendly bookie would almost be tempted to say, “fuck it” and flick on some college basketball…almost.

The Black Stars have generated more Syndicate Pages than any other African country, far more than our adopted “Super Eagles”. This is for good reason. They’ve qualified for three straight World Cups, eliminating the United States in both 2006 AND 2010. The U.S.-Gold Coast Rivalry holds a special place in Syndicate Lore, particularly after Klinsi’s boys finally broke the curse last summer.

What often slips through the cracks is the amazing contribution they made to CAN 2013. They scored more goals than any other national side over the course of six pulsating fast-paced fixtures that never threatened to induce even the slightest yawn.

The “Big Dogs” are back….or are they? A team so stacked with talent must be accorded straight up championship odds, but the Ghana Generation is cooling…and not just because they can’t beat the States anymore. (You goddamned self-centered Yanks). This Gold Coast incarnation will have to manage without talisman Kwadwo Asamoah. He’s out injured. Huge loss.

There are plenty of other faces you’ll notice missing. Sulley Muntari, Michael Essien, and Albert Adomah didn’t even make new head coach Avram Grant’s preliminary squad. Many of Grant’s preferred younger replacements (Majeed Waris, Quincy Abeyie, and Jeffery Schlupp) all succumbed to late injuries.

One must still speak of legends Asamoah Gyan, John Boye, and Harrison Afful in hushed tones if possible. Jonathan Mensah, Christian Atsu, Andre Ayew, Wakaso Mubarak, and Emmanuel Agyemang-Badu are already legends in their own right despite their young ages.

Hell, for that matter, Israel’s Avram Grant is something of a legend. The Jewish “Master Maestro” has had the misfortune to coach some terrible Premiership teams, but he would have taken Chelsea all the way to Champions League Glory had John Terry not slipped. He nearly led Portsmouth past the Blues in the 2010 FA Cup Final two years later Yeah you read that correctly. THAT atrocious Portsmouth side.

Grant likely has the answers needed to get our boys back to the Semis, when the conspicuous absence of Kwadwo Asamoah should begin to obstruct further advancement. Feel free to bet otherwise, but  I’m not picking this team.

Was there something else I wanted to mention? Oh right. Kevin Price-Boateng can’t crack the starting lineup at Schalke. Bwahahahaha. A little Schadenfreude before we move on : ) 

 Projecting the Ghanaian Lineup (4-3-2-1 )

Asamoah Gyan

Jordan Ayew                        Andre Ayew

Emmanuel Agyemang-Badu

Christian Atsu            Wakaso Mubarak

H. Afful     J. Mensah J. Boye       D. Amartey

Fatau Dauda

Algeria (Winning Odds—Straight Up)

How could are the “Desert Foxes” this year? Good enough to go all the way in my humble estimation. New head coach Christian Gourcuff presides over the splendid creation of Vahid Halihodzic; the same group of hustling desert dwellers that nearly shocked the World Champion Krauts in last Summer’s Round of 16.

Soudani continues in fine form over at Dynamo Zaghreb. Islam Slimani, Medhi Lacen, and Madjid Bougherra all enter the competition looking fit and ready. Sofianne Feghouli of Valencia and Yacine Brahimi of Porto are in the midst of fine seasons at their respective club. Taken together, the pair makes Halilhodzic look like the best multinational recruiter of the past few years. Klinsi and Herzog don’t even come close.

The overhaul of the defensive ranks, which sometimes saw the foxes deploy five defenders, worked wonders during the World Cup and looks matches up well against the single striker sets that other countries in this group are set to roll out.

Don’t let the foxes out of your sight. They’re strong contenders for their first ever Continental Championship.

Projecting the Algerian Lineup (4-1-3-2) 

Islam Slimani             El Arbi Soudani

Foued Kadir   Sofiane Feghouli

Yacine Brahime

Medhi Lacen

F. Ghoulam  R. Halliche M. Bougherra C. Medjani

Rais M’Bolhi

South Africa (Overall Winning Odds—7 to 1)

Anyone see this coming? Not this bookie! Few even saw them getting to the final group stage of qualification, let alone topping their qualifying group and eliminating the Continental Champion Super Eagles. I had them eulogized as I have many times before. Damned if Bafana Bafana didn’t find a way back from the brink.

The mercurial 2014 WM qualifying saga left us all convinced that the whole Igesund Era would leave this country with the mother of all hangovers. Au contraire. They rebounded almost immediately under former Youth Team Coach Ephraim Mashaba. He got them off to the best possible start with a 3-0 thumping of Sudan in Omdurman.

Bafana never looked back, slicing and dicing their way through the group to finish atop undefeated. Newly-signed Bouremouth striker Tokelo Rantie led the way, as he does presently in the English Championship. Any hopes the boys have in this tournament hinge on his performance. 

One notes that familiar faces such as Bongani Khumalo, Tsepo Masilele, and Siphiwe Tshabalala are no longer with us. Bernard Parker, Reinelwe Lesothoyanye, and Dean Furman are back for one more go. Otherwise, we’re looking at a very young team with lionhearted hopes of proving the oddsmakers wrong. Even the Number One Backstop only has four international caps.

Doubtful they’ll get very far, but it will prove interesting to watch.

 Projecting the South African Lineup (4-2-3-1) 

Tokelo Rantie

Bernard Parker              Thuso Phala

Reneilwe Lesothoyanye

Andile Jali             Dean Furman

T. Matlaba E. Matholo S. Nhlapo A. Ngcongca

Darren Keat

Senegal (Overall Winning Odds—7 to 1)

Would you believe that this happens to be the first time the Lions of Teranga have qualified for a Syndicate Tournament since the inaugural one back in 2002? They’ve always been on our mind since they upset the French in the very first football line that your friendly bookie set.

Prospects nevertheless appear slim. The mere thought of Newcastle’s Pappis Cisse dominating the attacking third of the pitch before Southampton’s Sadio Mane relieves him to provide a devastating second pop induces chills. If the gruesome potential of the attack leaves on dizzy with messianic expectations, the inherent weakness of the back four brings one back down to earth. Mboj and Sane can all too easily be exploited. Coundoul is way past his prime.

Unless they assure themselves of a high goal differential against the South Africans, it should be early curtains.

 Projecting the Senegalese Lineup (4-3-3) 

Papiss Cisse

Moussa Sow                   Mame Biram Diouf

Sadio Mane       Cheikou Kouyate

Idrissa Gueye

P. Soare L. Sane  K. Mboj C. M’Bengue

Bouna Coundoul

Vicey’s Fearless Group Projection Straight Up Odds for Bookie)

1) Ghana 

2) Algeria 

3) South Africa 

4) Senegal 

Quarterfinal Odds

 1) Ghana (NO BETS)

 2) Algeria (NO BETS)

 3) South Africa (3 to 1)

 4) Senegal (4 to 1)

Semifinals Odds

 1) Ghana (Straight Up)

 2) Algeria (Straight Up)

 3) South Africa (4 to 1)

 4) Senegal (5 to 1)

Group D (Cote d’Ivoire, Mali, Cameroon, Guinea)

       

And….we managed to avoid the “Group of Death” cliché!! In all honesty, either Group A or Group C could earn the “Group of Death” moniker. Immaterial. Group D consists of nothing more than Cote d’Ivoire and whoever chooses to rise to the challenge.

Cote d’Ivoire (Overall Winning Odds—Straight Up)

Christ is this team obscenely talented….and I say that every goddamned year. The Copper Bullets upset them in the 2012 and the Burkinabes eked by them on penalties in the 2013 Semis. Is this FINALLY their year?

Not much this bookie can do but remind you of how insanely deep their talent runs. Before probing deeper into that, I’ll remind everyone that Didier Drogba retired from international competition after this Summer’s festivities. The legend defied us all by emerging from Chinese obscurity to once again light it up at the Bridge under his preferred mentor, “The Special One”. None of that has any bearing on this team or this tournament, but Drogba’s amazing continuing story merits at least a mention.

With that out of the way, let’s talk about the players we’ll actually see on the pitch. Manchester City striker Wilfried Bony scored more goals than any other Premiership striker for Calendar year 2014. Gervinho may have only tallied two for AS Roma this year, but he’s still on pace to rack up better stats than he did in his Arsenal years. Soloman Kalou has five thus far for Herta BSC. Max Gradel has produced the same number for Saint-Etienne.

As I’ve repeatedly insisted, Yaya Toure should have been named the Premiership player of the year for 2013-2014. He’s incredible and off to a solid start once again. Alan Pardew owes Chieck Tiote a large slice of his new paycheck for his dogged work at Newcastle. Kolo Toure (brother of Yaya) deserves a bronze statue. Fuck that. Give the man a gold statue. He’s that good.

On paper it’s simply ridiculous. It’s always ridiculous when one discusses Les Elephants. Games aren’t won on paper, however. Stay tuned.  

 Projecting the Ivorian Lineup (4-3-3) 

Wilfired Bony Soloman Kalou

Gervinho

Yaya Toure

Cheick Tiote    Max Gradel

S. Tiene   O. Viera Kolo Toure  S. Aurier

Boubacar Barry

Mali (Overall Winning Odds—2 to 1)

FUCK ANSAR DINE!

Copy that, Ghost Rider?

FUCK ANSAR DINE!

Les Aigles hold a special spot in Syndicate lore. Their improbable run to the 2013 Semis coincided with Francois Hollande’s brave use of French forces to expel a group of useless Islamic radical fucktards from Timbuktu. Most Syndicate Members will simply recall Mali as a country of 23 players all sharing the same four surnames.

That’s true to a certain extent, but this über-talented team constitutes so much more. Time constraints preclude me from helping you separate all the Traores, Coulibalys, Diarras, and Diakites from each other just yet….but it’s coming. ; ) 

Plenty more to come from Mali. Strap in or strap on. Whichever you prefer.

 Projecting the Malian Lineup (4-4-2 )

Mohammed Traore           Modibo Maiga

Abdou Traore     Seydou Keita

Sigamarry Diarra             Bakary Sako

Adama Tamboura           Fousseni Diawara

I. Coulibaly O. Coulibaly

S. Diakite

Cameroon (Overall Winning Odds—4 to 1)

Traditionally, at least one African team implodes at every World Championship. Les Indomitables were kind enough to do us the honors in 2014…and I’m still pissed off about it. Even after all of those embarrassing dust-ups, Volker Finke is still in charge of this team….and I’m pissed off about that too. : ( : (

Anger throbs through the veins. Presumably the Indomitables are better off without the retired Samuel Eto’o, Alex Song, and Pierre Webo…but I’m still not rooting for them. Eric Maxim Chupo-Moting is the new captain. That would mean something to someone who didn’t hate Schalke.

Hope you guys go home first!

 Projecting the Cameroonian Lineup (4-2-3-1 )

Eric Maxim Chupo-Moting

Vincent Aboubakar                   Stephane Mbia

Eyong Enoh

Georges Mandjeck                Benajmin Moukanjo

H. Bedimo  A. Chedjou N. N’Koulou      C. Djeugoue

Guy N’dy Assmembe

Guinea (Overall Winning Odds—7 to 1)

A genuine debutant! Can’t tell you much about these peculiar “National Elephants”, other than the fact that they are the WRONG Elephants and the WRONG Guinea.

Hahaha. Okay. I’ll confess to hiding a good hand. Captain Kamil Zayatte plays for everyone’s “guilty pleasure” English Club, Sheffield Wednesday. Lead striker Ibrahima Traore is a Bundesliga regular. : )

This team is actually miles away from sucking. Test your luck if you think the high odds are a bluff. 

 Projecting the Guinean Lineup (4-3-3) 

Ibrahima Traore

Idrissa Syalla                      Mohammed Yattara

Boubacar Fofana Ibrahima Conte

Kevin Constant

F. Pogba     F. Camara K. Zayette        B. Sankoh

Naby Yattara

Vicey’s Fearless Group Projection Straight Up Odds for Bookie)

1) Cote d’Ivoire 

2) Mali 

3) Cameroon  

4) Guinea

Quarterfinal Odds

 1) Cote d’Ivoire (NO BETS)

 2) Mali (NO BETS)

 3) Cameroon (2 to 1)

 4) Guinea (5 to 1)

Semifinals Odds

 1) Cote d’Ivoire (NO BETS)

 2) Mali (Straight Up)

 3) Cameroon (3 to 1)

 4) Guinea (6 to 1)

GENTLEMEN, ENTER YOUR WAGERS