Your “Syndicate Hangover” is proudly presented by
“Pißwasser Pils”
BITTE EIN PIß!!
Day 18: Recap
Record—
Spread: 18-36
Straight up: 26-19-9
Hot Girl
Standings
Country
|
Tally
|
Games
Played
|
Brazil
|
145
|
4
|
Netherlands
|
114
|
4
|
Columbia
|
106
|
4
|
Costa Rica
|
103
|
4
|
Mexico
|
92
|
4 (finished)
|
Argentina
|
90
|
3
|
France
|
89
|
4
|
Germany
|
82
|
4
|
Chile
|
74
|
4 (finished)
|
Nigeria
|
71
|
4 (finished)
|
Greece
|
67
|
4 (finished)
|
Japan
|
66
|
3 (finished)
|
USA
|
65
|
3
|
South Korea
|
65
|
3 (finished)
|
Australia
|
63
|
3 (finished)
|
Bosnia & H
|
59
|
3 (finished)
|
Spain
|
58
|
3 (finished)
|
Belgium
|
55
|
3
|
Ecuador
|
53
|
3 (finished)
|
Ghana
|
52
|
3 (finished)
|
Cote d’Ivoire
|
49
|
3 (finished)
|
Russia
|
41
|
3 (finished)
|
Italy
|
39
|
3 (finished)
|
Honduras
|
37
|
3 (finished)
|
Uruguay
|
36
|
4 (finished)
|
Algeria
|
36
|
4 (finished)
|
Switzerland
|
35
|
3
|
Croatia
|
33
|
3 (finished)
|
Cameroon
|
32
|
3 (finished)
|
Portugal
|
31
|
3 (finished)
|
England
|
29
|
3 (finished)
|
Iran
|
26
|
3 (finished)
|
Morgen Syndicate Members,
Whew.
Exhale. Exhale. Exhale.
Both of today’s lines are closed, so I have the luxury of ranting
a bit. Ahem.
WAS WAR EIGENTLICH DENN DAS, JUNGS!?!
Verdammt. You sacred the shit out of us! Now the whole damn country’s pessimistic about our chances. Dallied a bit this morning to pick up the vibe around the news kiosks, outdoor cafes, and betting parlors. Not one damn Kraut likes our chances. It’s a deeply cynical and despondent country of course. German fatalism is…well it’s a part of life. Nevertheless, we’ve reasonable and sensible questions that need to be answered.
1) Why is Löw still deploying four centerbacks?
2) Why did Lahm start IN THE MIDFIELD AGAIN last night?!?
3) Why has this German Mannschaft played PROGRESSIVELY WORSE in EVERY
SINGLE MATCH?!?
Ach du Scheiße. I’m not mad at the Jungs. Well…perhaps
Mustafi, Götze, and Höwedes for playing so poorly. Otherwise, they fought hard
and created chances against an Algerian side that was all heart. Tough
competition last night. Even after we wore them down and they could do little
other than trip over their own feet they still pulled back a goal to destroy my
spread in the 120th. It wasn’t their fault that M’Bohli proved so
spectacular.
Not really mad at the players. They deserved their “fun in the sun”. They’ve probably earned another day off. The bulk of my rage is reserved for “Mr Rain God”. Löw remains a good technical trainer and a class act of a person. He still rolled out what was perhaps the most incredibly stupid fucking lineup this bookie has ever seen last night. With the whole world screeching for Lahm, Durm, and fucking fullbacks in general, he selected a meek eleven that showed no intent to remedy the reality that….
This German Mannschaft played PROGRESSIVELY WORSE in EVERY SINGLE MATCH?!?
Oh you’ll see that phrase again, along with plenty of
bitching about the lineup. Sorry, Jögi. The Quarterfinals aren’t good enough.
You see your team form slipping and you TAKE ACTION to RECTIFY IT. You had
plenty of time to do so. Grrrrrrr….
HOCHACTUNGSVOLL!!
“‘Drawing
it Up’ For the Survivors”
1)
France
Projected
Lineup:
“Les
Bleaus”—Match Four—(4-3-3)
Karim Benzema
|
Antoine
Griezmann
Mathieu Valbuena
|
Blaise
Matuidi Paul
Pogba
|
Yohan Cabaye
|
P. Evra M. Sahko L. Koscielny M. Debuchy
|
Hugo
Lloris
|
Actual
Lineup:
“Les
Bleaus”—Match Four—(4-3-3)
Oliver Giroud
|
Karim
Benzema
Mathieu Valbuena
|
Blaise
Matuidi Paul
Pogba
|
Yohan Cabaye
|
P. Evra L. Koscielny R. Varane M.
Debuchy
|
Hugo Lloris
|
Perfect pick on the formation and the midfield. Hard to see
the other changes coming. There remained much speculation as to whether
Deschamps would start Varane and Giroud, just as he had done in Match Two
against the Swiss. Although that setup produced a 3-0 halftime lead, it really
began to rain goals after Giroud was subbed off and Benzema returned to his
natural center forward position.
Giroud, Benzema, and Valbuena were all rather quiet during
that listless first half (possibly the worst half of football in the entire
tournament thus far). Cabaye and Pogba got a few things going up the right, but
the whole left flank looked to be closed down. It thus came as no surprise when
Giroud got swapped off for Griezmann in the 62nd
. Griezman gets a grade. Sissoko (94th minute)
obviously not ; )
Oh ze French are quite optimistic about their chances on
Friday night. The Germans are once again predicting gloom and doom. Not so
fast, Froggies. True. Your midfield will cause us serious frustration, Benzema
will once again pose a threat up front, and Matuidi has nowhere to go but up.
We still saw almost nothing from the fullbacks and Valbuena couldn’t get it
going even at his natural position.
No question Deschamps will make the right moves. He’ll start
Griezmann, possibly flip Koscielny, and sub in Sissoko early. You still haven’t
won anything yet. It’s not a forgone conclusion.
“Professor Pete” now files his grades.
Grades:
Grades—France
(Match Four)
Paul Pogba
|
A
|
Yohan Cabaye
|
A
|
Antoine Griezmanm
|
A
|
Hugo Lloris
|
B+
|
Raphael Varane
|
B
|
Karim Benzema
|
B-
|
Patrice Evra
|
C+
|
Laurent Koscielny
|
C
|
Mathieu Debuchy
|
C-
|
Mathieu Valbuena
|
D
|
Oliver Giroud
|
D-
|
Blaise Matuidi
|
F
|
Don’t go getting cocky on me now! Matuidi must play better.
Koscielny, Debuchy, and Valbuena are all other players you have no alternative
for.
2)
Germany LINEUP—Deutschland
(Match One)—4-1-2-3
Thomas Müller
|
Mario Götze Meshut Özil
|
Sami Khedira Toni
Kroos
|
Phillip Lahm
|
B. Höwedes M. Hummels P. Mertesacker J. Boateng
|
Manuel Neuer
|
LINEUP—Deutschland
(Match Two)—4-3-2-1
Thomas Müller
|
Mario Götze
Meshut Özil
|
Sami Khedira Phillip Lahm
Toni Kroos
|
J. Boateng
B. Höwedes
|
M. Hummels P. Mertesacker
|
Manuel Neuer
|
LINEUP—Deutschland
(Match Three) 4-3-3
Thomas Müller
|
Lukas
Podolski
Meshut Özil
|
Phillip Lahm
|
Bastian Schweinsteiger Toni Kroos
|
B. Höwedes M. Hummels P. Mertesacker J. Boateng
|
Manuel Neuer
|
Projected
Lineup:
“Die
Mannschaft”---Match Four (4-3-3)
Thomas Müller
|
Andreas
Schürrle
Meshut Özil
|
Mario Götze Sami Khedira
|
Bastian Schweinsteiger
|
E. Durm M.
Hummels P. Mertsacker P. Lahm
|
Manuel
Neuer
|
Actual
Lineup:
“Die
Mannschaft”---Match Four (4-1-2-3)
Thomas Müller
|
Mario Götze Meshut Özil
|
Toni
Kroos Bastian
Schweinsteiger
|
Phillip Lahm
|
B. Höwedes P.
Mertsacker J. Boateng S. Mustafi
|
Manuel Neuer
|
WHAT ARE YOU DOING, JÖGI!?!? I know that the Hummels injury
complicated matters, but MUSTAFI!!?! The last-minute draft in from the
Reus-injury? The guy who stunk it up against Ghana, has only for international
caps, and has never even played in Germany?!?! What the feuchträuming fuck were
you thinking? You had the perfect opportunity to move Boateng back in, give
Lahm his old job back, and start Durm! If that was too bold for you, why not
Großkreutz, Ginter, or…was weis ich…can’t Draxler play fullback?!!?!? Argghghg.
You just got your ass bailed out by your substitutes. We all
know that Schürrle should have stared at Götze’s position. Some of us knew that
all along. ; ) Once again, the Khedira injury forced you to shake things up a
bit, but you could have either moved Götze back (as I advocated) or flipped
Kroos. Mustafi mercilessly got injured and since Khedira was already set to
come in for the ailing Schweine, that forced Löw to send Lahm back to Right
Back.
FINALLY. The whole damn country has been screaming for this.
Practically every notable football expert has been wondering why it wasn’t
happening as the Mannschaft has played PROGRESSIVELY WORSE in EVERY SINGLE
MATCH.
Oh you better make the right moves this time, Mr. “Wet
T-Shirt Contest Winner”. Make the Semis or you’re toast. Have your resignation
letter typed up and ready to turn into the DFB. We don’t settle for the
Quarterfinals in the Fatherland. We’ll forgive you for not bringing any
trophies home so long as you keep making the Semis. After eight years, I know
you want another shot. PROVE IT. NOW!
Professor Pete files..
GRADES—Deutschland
(Match One)
Thomas Müller
|
A+
|
Matt Hummels
|
A+
|
Meshut Özil
|
A
|
Sami Khedira
|
A
|
Toni Kroos
|
A-
|
Jerome Boateng
|
B+
|
Per Mertesacker
|
B+
|
Benedict Höwedes
|
B
|
Manuel Neuer
|
B
|
Phillip Lahm
|
B-
|
Mario Götze
|
C+
|
GRADES—Deutschland
(Match Two)
Miroslav Klose
|
A+
|
Bastian Schweinsteiger
|
A+
|
Matt Hummels
|
A
|
Manuel Neuer
|
B+
|
Per Mertesacker
|
B
|
Thomas Müller
|
B
|
Benedikt Höwedes
|
B-
|
Jerome Boateng
|
C+
|
Toni Kroos
|
C
|
Sami Khedira
|
C
|
Mario Götze
|
C
|
Meshut Özil
|
D
|
Phillip Lahm
|
D
|
Shkodran Mustafi
|
F
|
GRADES—Deutschland
(Match Three)
Thomas Müller
|
A
|
Manuel Neuer
|
B+
|
Bastian Schweinsteiger
|
B+
|
Miroslav Klose
|
B
|
Matt Hummels
|
B
|
Per Mertesacker
|
B
|
Jerome Boateng
|
B-
|
Lucas Podolski
|
C+
|
Meshut Özil
|
C-
|
Benedict Höwedes
|
D
|
Toni Kroos
|
D
|
Phillip Lahm
|
D-
|
Grades:
Grades—Deutschland
(Match Four)
Manuel Neuer
|
A+
|
Andres Schürrle
|
A+
|
Thomas Müller
|
A
|
Bastian Schweinsteiger
|
A
|
Meshut Özil
|
A-
|
Phillip Lahm
|
B+
|
Jerome Boateng
|
B
|
Per Mertesacker
|
C
|
Sami Khedira
|
C
|
Toni Kroos
|
C-
|
Mario Götze
|
D
|
Shokdran Mustafi
|
D-
|
Benedict Höwedes
|
F
|
Neuer was our best defender, lunging forward to tackle
better than Mustafi of Höwedes ever did. He covered their atrocious mistakes,
along with a few real howlers from Mertesacker. Boateng looked more comfortable
in the center. He made a couple of crucial tackles in the final stages to atone
for some of his truly pathetic failures to even challenge.
Hence, he and Mertesacker can stay (assuming Hummels isn’t
fit). Otherwise, FUCK THIS FOUR CENTERBACK APPROACH. It’s dumb football. I
reiterate that the Mannschaft has played PROGRESSIVELY WORSE in EVERY SINGLE
MATCH.
Integrate fullbacks into the attack. How many times to I
have to tell you. WHERE THE HELL IS DURM?!?!
Arrghhh. This man has been coaching this team for too long.
He can’t see the forrest for the trees. Win on Friday or we’re sending you
packing.
Goodbyes
Section
Nigeria
—“The Super Eagles”
-4 Games Played
-3 Goals Scored
-71 Hot Girls
Oh hell. This Mzungu once again hangs his head. It’s been
another lousy World Cup for us African Enthusiasts. Some extremely clever
people may point out that a record two African teams made it into the Knockout
Stages. Some even more clever people may counter, however, that we watched two
nations implode (Cameroon and Ghana) while African teams won only 3 of their 15
matches.
Anyway, legitimate grievances against the officiating last
night. Emenike’s 19th minute goal probably should have been allowed
to stand. If he was offside it was only by a matter of millimeters! Such a
borderline call should go to the attacker. Furthermore, Blaise Matuidi
absolutely deserved to get thrown off for that foul on Onazi nearly the hour
mark. The Super Eagles should have been awarded a penalty! Along with Cote
d’Ivoire, the Nigerians may legitimately gripe about piss poor officiating that
cost them their dream.
Overall, the French still deserved to win. Only heroic
keeping from Enyeama and help from the crossbar kept this contest close for as
long as it was. The Super Eagles were the most written about team
syndicate-wise in 2013. So much so that your friendly bookie devoted most of
his preview segment to focusing on the most important change Keshi’s side
had undergone:
From WM 2014: Group F Preview
“What
was Keshi’s most significant move?”
Taking
Peter Odemwinge back. Keshi feels the heat. He knew he had to do something
drastic to improve his chances of getting out of the group. That’s why he
traveled to Stoke with his tail between his legs. He needs a midfield “flight
director”. I, like many others, thought he would stick with Nnamdi Ouduamadi.
Not the case. Keshi could just sense that this was a very different tournament.
As irritatingly egotistical as Odemwinge can be, he’s simply a better
distributor.
One just knew that Odemwingie’s performance either as a
Short Striker or Anchoring Midfielder would ultimately determine this team’s fate.
Emenike remained the Talisman, but Odemwingie was the crucial “Flight
Director”. Absent him, Keshi’s men couldn’t really get a game plan established
against Iran. It was Odemwingie who finally broke through against the Golden
Lillies, or who either drew the defense to free up Musa against Argentina.
Very little hustle to him last night despite his fine effort
on goal in the 53rd. The camera caught him loafing about and even
standing still on a few inopportune occasions. Mikel, Moses and were still mostly
M.I.A. Emenike did have that unfairly disallowed goal, but he otherwise did a
terrible job carving out space.
No reason to feel down, Syndicate-Super-Eagle-Lovers. You’ll
always have that snazzy green jersey you received after the African Cup of Nations.
You can relive that tournament starting here:
Or check out some fine color shots here:
Many of you will receive the even more resplendent updated
tricot from this year’s team in your schwag pack. Now that the Super Eagles
have been eliminated, it’s time for your friendly bookie to start hunting down
some deals! The super Eagles will return to action Septmeber 6th for
2015 African Nations Cup Qualifying. Barring some unforeseen catastrophe, they
should top a qualifying group that features South Africa, Sudan, and either
Rwanda or (non-DR Congo).
Keshi has resigned…but all players with the possible
exception of Yobo are expected to return.
COME BACK KEHSI!! This bookie holds out hope that he can yet
be persuaded.
Algeria
—“The Desert Foxes”
-4 Games Played
-7 Goals Scored
-36 Hot Girls
Your friendly bookie also doesn’t technically consider Algeria
African. It’s Sub-Saharan or bust in his humble opinion. Many Syndicate members
share the same view. It should be emphasized, however, that many African
Syndicate Members vehemently disagree. We’ve certainly come a long way since I
wrote this mean-spiriting introduction in the lead up to the 2013 African Cup
of Nations:
From CAN 2013—“Syndicate: Dark Continent”:
Algeria
(Winning Odds—Straight Up) 
The
“Desert Foxes” are back…mostly to annoy me. They’re heavily favored by most
every oddsmaker to take the tournament….again mostly to annoy me. Welcome to
the THIRD installment of “Your friendly bookie doesn’t much care to expend too
much energy on North Africa”. Should we be worried? Damn straight we should.
They beat the everlasting shit out of Libya (contrary to whatever popular logic
dictates, a VERY good team) during the qualifying stages.
I
happened to catch those games via laptop and can attest that they were cold,
clinical, systematic ass-whippings. The desert dwellers have Vitoria Guimaraes
forward El Ardi Himmel Soudani flitting from left to right in what appears to
be a non-spontaneous fashion. Whatever the hell they’ve devised, they’ve got
him sniping from all over pitch. Thus far he’s been capped eight times and
scored six goals. Not to be outdone, his partner Islam Slimani occasionally
hangs back as anchor, pressing forward to function as a target the rest of the
time. More scary stats: 5 goals in 6 caps.
One
must strain hard to find weak links in the midfield. Marseille’s Foued Kadir,
Valencia’s Sofiane Feghouli, and Racing Santander’s Hameur Bouazza. Gulp.
Academica’s Rafik Halliche and A.C. Milan’s Djamel Mesbah will keep things
tight at the back.
Say it
a’int so, Vicey. Sorry. It would come as a great surprise if both Algeria and
Tunisia fail to advance out of this group.
COOL
NAME ALERT—Algeria
DISQUALIFIED.
Does not apply to Arab countries. 90% Arab. Bad Country! 83% Arab + 15% Berber
+ %2 Tuareg = 100% I don’t really give a shit.
I’m a reformed man. I came around to praise Halihodzic for
his tenacious recruitment of disaffected French Youth Internationals. I also
came to really respect Feghouli, Slimani, and (my new favorite tactical genius)
Brahimi over the course of this tournament. They sure fought hard against the
heavily favored Krauts last night. All the talk this morning centers on Neuer’s
monster game, but what about his opposite member Rais M’Bohli? Some would aver
that the Germans had trouble finishing, but he looked pretty filthy slick to
me! He won’t be playing in Bulgaria for very much longer.
Nice touch from the fan base with those specially printed up
“1982-2014 T-shirts”. Such a worthy bunch of fans deserves neither my mockery
nor my ire. The Desert foxes face a somewhat difficult run to CAN 2015. They’re
well placed in a group that includes Togo, Mali, Ethiopia, and either Malawi or
Benin. CAN Qualifying consists (at this stage) of seven groups of four nations.
The top two and the best third place team advance to the finals. Fending off
Mali and Ethiopia won’t be easy, but the Desert Foxes should make it through at
the very least as the best third placed team.
“Riffs
of the Day”—Day Eighteen
Reader:
What the fuck are your damn Krauts doing?
Vicey:
Nearly giving me a heart attack!!
Reader:
“France vs. Germany.” Will politics and history get in the way?
Vicey:
Ha! Don’t be silly. We almost got “France vs. Algeria” last night. That would
have been the one that set of the mother of all motherfucking riots. Whew.
Lucky escape. Innocent civilians live on
Reader:
It’s now 17:45. You should be finishing up your work.
Vicey:
Are you…my third-grade-teacher? I’ll submit when I’m good and goddamn ready,
Ms. Wagner! I might throw a tantrum if I feel like it too! Nah!
DAY
NINETEEN—PREVIEW
Betting is closed as both lines are rolling harder than a
Raver Slut. Actually, I don’t even think I’ve seen a wig-wearing waif on her
third pacifier roll THIS hard. Okay…this is bringing up some seriously sad
memories of some seriously “BAD Craziness”. Let’s move on…
NEVER AGAIN!
Switzerland vs. Argentina
vs. 
So much money came in on my perceived Swiss-bias. It’s not
that I can’t stand them, it’s just….well you’re right I can't stand them.
THE
LINE: Argentina +1 Goal (rolling down HARD from +3)
(Closed)
USA vs. Belgium
vs. 
You guys just couldn’t wait could you? Some of you offered
wagers in the hundreds of dollars! We…..don’t do that here. This is a friendly
neighborhood book that everyone’s invited to. I don’t have a pair of enforcers
named “Shark” and “Knuckles” to come collect via your kneecaps if necessary. I
do, however, er have two Syndicate Members with Codenames “Shark” and
“Knuckles” respectively.
Hmmmmm….
Hoping no one develops problems walking….except for Jozy
that is. Trust me, America. You’re better off without him until he gets his
shit straight. (which he will) Let him go for now.
THE
LINE: USA + 3 Goals (rolling up HARD from “Pick em’”)
(Closed)
Gentlemen,
Enter Your Wagers
(…
though in this case that only applies to prop bets ; ) : ) )
