Day 10
Record—
Spread: 11-18
Straight up: 12-6-11
Heeeeeellll yes. Thank you much, Italians. I’m even going to
back off from the ethnic slurs for an entire sentence or two. I knew I could
count on you to deliver a gigantic belly flop and return me to the black! The
slump is forgotten! The experimental new betting system works! Way to flop,
wops!
Vladimir Weiss, consider yourself disowned. Poor clearances,
timid tempo, and a clumsy touch all afternoon! You completely disgraced your
own father on father’s day!! Oh shit. I forgot to call my father. Ooops. Well,
“Vatertag” isn’t really a recognized holiday in Germany anyway…is it? They just
happen to have a word for it………….Verfickte Überscheiße!! Tud mir Leid, Vatti. LL
I appreciated
the way you backed up your mates, Drogba. The appeal for support on the late
corner was also a nice touch. The African crowd merits that kind of attention.
Still, it looks to be too little late for the tournament’s much sought after
African hero.
Much respect for all three crowds this afternoon. The
coordinated Vuvuzela cheers were a real joy to watch.
And I almost forgot….The French have surrendered. J I
don’t care how clichéd that line is Froggies. I think I’ll write it again. The
French have surrendered. Hey everyone! Did you hear? ZE FRENCH HAVE
SURRENDERED!
Hot Girl Standings
Country
|
Tally
|
Games Played
|
Italy
|
24
|
2
|
South Korea
|
21
|
2
|
Brazil
|
20
|
2
|
Denmark
|
16
|
2
|
USA
|
15
|
2
|
Ghana
|
12
|
2
|
South Africa
|
11
|
2
|
Argentina
|
11
|
2
|
New Zealand
|
11
|
2
|
Japan
|
10
|
2
|
Australia
|
9
|
2
|
Cameroon
|
9
|
2
|
Netherlands
|
8
|
2
|
Paraguay
|
7
|
2
|
Slovenia
|
6
|
2
|
Serbia
|
6
|
2
|
Chile
|
6
|
1
|
Spain
|
6
|
1
|
England
|
6
|
2
|
Cote d’Ivoire
|
6
|
2
|
Slovakia
|
6
|
2
|
Mexico
|
5
|
2
|
Switzerland
|
4
|
1
|
Greece
|
4
|
2
|
Nigeria
|
4
|
2
|
Germany
|
3
|
2
|
France
|
3
|
2
|
Uruguay
|
2
|
2
|
Algeria
|
2
|
2
|
Portugal
|
2
|
1
|
North Korea
|
2
|
1
|
Honduras
|
1
|
1
|
So many sullen Italian girls in the audience today LL
Che peccatto pollastretta! L L
All of these lonely, melancholy Italian beauties brushing their lovely dark
hair away from their piercing dark eyes so as to place a delicate finger on a
dour check and exclaim to the heavens “Trageda!!” I know, I know, my little
despairing pricipessa. Fa tanto male, più che puoi immaginarti! Please don’t
give up hope my sweet alluring darlings. Andrà tutto per il meglio!
British play-by-play announcer Ian Darke was certainly doing
his best to sell us their suffering. I count five times that the camera focused
in on a group of despondent Italian stunners and Darke practically pleaded with
us:
“I say, it doesn’t look as if these lasses are very chirpy
this afternoon.”
Gentlemen, our mission is clear! We must come to the rescue
of these poor forlorn Italian hotties. We must take them back to our place,
light a few well-placed candles, open that bottle of Vercelli Nebbiolo we’ve
been saving and put Eros Ramazotti on the stereo. As the light from the
candles’ fades, the wine takes its semi-spiritual effect, and Eros launches
into “Musica e”, we must tenderly caress these depressed divas and softly
whisper in their ear that, yes, the Azzuri will qualify for the round of 16!
And you wonder why I root for Italy to lose!
Anyways, I’d tell the Italian girls not pout…if they were
not so godamn sexy when they do it. I fall for it EVERY FUCKING time. LL
Probably something very Freudian and very wrong going on in my head, but what
else is new? Strong showing, as always, by the Brazilians today. Bravo Kiwis as
well, though I saw far too many shirtless fat dudes. Good luck to all syndicate
bettors tomorrow. If the preceding passage sets the mood for a little soft-core
porn, have fun with that too!
