Day 8
Record—
Spread: 9-14
Straight up: 10-4-9
Peter Weis gets Self-Righteous and Lectures
Americans…..again.
Heartbreak hour for football fans on both sides of the
Atlantic today. Spaniards, French, Germans, English, and Americans could easily
get together and fill several mugs with their freshly secreted tears. While
this may be a physical possible, it is not an option. I repeat, IT IS NOT
HAPPENING! Would you like to know why? I believe you already do. Because, much
like Chuck Norris, football fans DO NOT CRY! There’s no crying in football!
Okay, maybe there is actually quite a bit of crying in football. Your country
may fail to qualify for the world cup, shattering your entire country’s dreams
for a full four years. Your hometown team may be relegated to the country’s
third league, forever plunging you and your surroundings into long-term
obscurity. Despite all of this, after studying many a football message board, I
have a very direct message for American fans: MAN-UP!! NOW!
It is a great pleasure to see Americans getting passionately
engaged in football, but dropping endless vitriolic “n-bombs” is inexcusable,
even by my standards. This is the realm of the world’s game. Eventually, it’s
everyone’s turn to get screwed over by a questionable call. Happened to the
Germans this, morning. Do you see me suggesting all Spaniards should be strung
up? I know how shitty it feels to get sucker punched, but most of you can’t
even name your starting eleven. Is this the American way? You get outraged over
something that you could care less about a couple of hours ago? You absolutely
must find an anti-American conspiracy…..everywhere? Let’s show the world a
little more class and character, or at least some better-written insults. Vent
over your legitimate grievance. At the end of the day, however, take it like
men and move on. You still have a very good chance to make the Round of
Sixteen. That is, IF you stop whining, bitching, and moaning like a bunch of
infantile Frenchmen. At the very least, save some anger for the team that
allowed Slovenia to score on them….twice.
Hot Girl Standings
Country
|
Tally
|
Games Played
|
South Korea
|
21
|
2
|
USA
|
15
|
2
|
South Africa
|
11
|
2
|
Argentina
|
11
|
2
|
Brazil
|
8
|
1
|
Netherlands
|
7
|
1
|
Slovenia
|
6
|
2
|
Serbia
|
6
|
2
|
Chile
|
6
|
1
|
Spain
|
6
|
1
|
Ghana
|
6
|
1
|
England
|
6
|
2
|
Japan
|
5
|
1
|
Cameroon
|
5
|
1
|
Italy
|
5
|
1
|
Mexico
|
5
|
2
|
Switzerland
|
4
|
1
|
Greece
|
4
|
2
|
Nigeria
|
4
|
2
|
Germany
|
3
|
2
|
Denmark
|
3
|
1
|
France
|
3
|
2
|
Uruguay
|
2
|
2
|
Paraguay
|
2
|
1
|
Algeria
|
2
|
2
|
New Zealand
|
2
|
1
|
Portugal
|
2
|
1
|
North Korea
|
2
|
1
|
Cote d’Ivoire
|
2
|
1
|
Slovakia
|
1
|
1
|
Honduras
|
1
|
1
|
Australia
|
0
|
1
|
Ugly middle-aged women holding ludicrous signs proclaiming
“We are the Yanks!” notwithstanding, the Americans make a sound appearance. An
unbelievable show of resilience from the American fans! I would venture to say
there is no other country on earth that can overcome such a preponderance of
doofuses in the stands to shoot up to the top of the hot girl standings. Some
of the more painful appearances included a bunch of shirtless U.S. youth’s
holding a sign asking, “Where is the Quarterback?”, all of those photos of
Lincoln/Washington, and the top-hats/fake beards of “Uncle Sam” impersonators.
Much to learn for U.S. fans, rich enough to travel but too new to have some
historic dignity. They’ll get there.
Free Advice for Bob Bradley, Fabio Cappello, Joachim Löw
All of my countries were not completely victimized by
bone-headed officiating today, they also suffered from coaching that made me
throw up in my mouth. Torres in the starting eleven? Marin for Özil? Crouch in
the 84th Minute? This afternoon appears as good a time as any for me
to draw the shades, go to bed early, and catch up on some much-needed sleep.
Before I do, I insist on some radical changes to your lineups. The absence of
Klose and Findley give both Badley and Löw opportunities to give other strikers
an opportunity. I want to see Cacau, Kießling, Crouch, Buddle and Gomez
starting!!!! Much more to come, after I catch up on about 13 hours of sleep…..
