Introduction—“Meet the Favorites”
(Belgium, England, Tunisia, Panama)
Everyone set to learn the bookie’s favorites to win it all? Excellent.
If history’s any guide, some of you will immediately place your money elsewhere….and
end up better for it. ; )
As Syndicate Member 36-M so aptly reminds us, Vicey has only
thrice predicted the correct champion from the outset. Twenty-Five Chapters.
Twenty-One incorrect picks. Merely typing a hyphenated “3-21” pains the soul. Prognosticating
a’int so easy, gentlemen. As pertains to football tournaments, the only thing
one can say with absolute certainty at the beginning is that England won’t win.
….
….
No, I’m not picking the Limey’s, gentlemen! Thought I might string
you along for a second there. Incorrigible fun. Nope. Hells’ to the nope.
This year we’re backing the Belgians. Yes sir. It’s about
time for this arbitrarily cleaved little leftover of the Napoleonic wars to do
my confused continent proud. Conditions are ideal for them to sneak through the
early knockouts and peak at just the right time. They feature an outrageously
talented squad and a highly competent coach who’s putting it all on the line. I
see them replicating the Spanish performance from 2010 in what will be a
tournament of similar tenor.
Contrarians will point out that Roberto Martinez tends to be
too much of a player’s coach. That might be relevant if we were discussing club
forecasts. It can serve as a catalytic asset in tournament football. There’s
also the matter of that humiliating defeat to Wales two years ago. Also
immaterial. This new team, previewed below, is infinitely better. I’ll aver
that Martinez runs this side with the inverse of Wilmot’s conservative
approach. He goes for broke here and it will pay off. Still others will argue
that “El Tiki-Taka” has long been declared legally dead….as if that has something
to do with anything. Martinez never was a Tiki-Taka coach. Strictly speaking,
neither was Pep! Stop painting Spanish coaches with such a broad brush!
No need to feel bad about the latest impending English
collapse. Through the fabulous Premiership, they still rule the world of
football eleven months out of the year. They’ll receive ample coverage in this
Sportsbook and most of this bookie’s attention for the duration of the calendar
year. As I remarked two years ago, we stateside viewers are truly spoiled
thanks to NBCSN’s sumptuous coverage of the EPL. On the topic of “sumptuousness”
we also get to meet, through the splendid irreverence of the “Men in Blazers”,
colorful characters like this:
Ah. Good old “English Beef”. Move to England and get in
line, ladies!
Belgium—“De Rode Duivels”
Indeed. For those keeping track, we’ve now introduced this
team using all three of the lingua franca’s used by this accident of a country:
Rural Archaic German, Hick Walloonish French, and what one might gently term a
feeble attempt at sophisticated Dutch. (Apologies to any Flemish readers).Done and done. We’ll be introducing them as defending World Champions next time. Not so farfetched when you think about it. If you’ve seen them play recently, they have all the markings of a tight team, communicating fluidly and seamlessly on the pitch. Pick em. Ride em. Take them home and cuddle them. They’ll capture a star for their crest. You’ll see come Schwag Pack time ; )
Excellent squad selection by Martinez, especially up front.
It’s often a family affair in Belgium. Customarily one of the team’s players totes
along his younger brother, as was the case with Jonathan Benteke and Jordan
Lukaku. It’s Eden turn this time. Christian Benteke didn’t even make the final
cut. He had to make way for Mönchengladbach’s Thorgen Hazard. The younger
Hazard finally found his form this season in Nord-Rhine Westphalia. He’s gelling
well with the National team as well, looking a great threat on set pieces.
Dropping Benteke took some courage, but Martinez played the
right hot hand. He knows what he’s looking for. This bookie absolutely loves
that he left off falling stars like Kevin Mirallas and Divok Origi in favor of
the absolutely on-fire Michy Batshuayi. Brilliant. Put it together and you have
the most marvelously performing attack in all of football. Watch them ignite!
The new-look midfield looks great too. With Witsel out of form
and Nainggolan gone, Martinez can move de Bruyne even further up secure in the knowledge
that Dembele, Fellaini, Carrasco, or even Januzaj will play solid defensive
football, adroitly moving forward when the occasion merits. Chadli and
Tielemans look great as well. A fantastic kader means there’s plenty of
options.
Here’s how your friendly bookie sees it shaking out:
Lukaku still spearheads the blitz after another tremendous
season. This time Hazard and Dries Mertens are assigned far more aggressive
positioning. They practically hug his hip. De Bruyne takes care of the distribution
and calls the lanes not far behind. With such an extravagant assault, Dembele
does what he does best and stay at home. Vertongen moves up into central
defense to steady play in the middle of the park. With a dearth of true
fullbacks, Chadli actually moves back and to the left. Kompany plays
traditional centerback while Menuier serves as wing decoy for Alderweireld. He
can function like Mertesacker, shocking everyone with a dazzlingly run in a
pinch.
It’s poetry. It’s perfect. It’s going to work this time.
….says the amateur oddsmaker who often gets it dead wrong. ;
)
Either I see the Matrix or I just wrote the sequels. Either
way we should have fun finding out.
Projecting the Belgium Lineup (4-2-1-3)
Eden Hazard Romelu Lukaku Dries Mertens
|
Kevin de Bruyne
|
Moussa Dembele Jan
Vertongen
|
Nacer Chadli Thomas Menuier
|
Thibault
Courtois
|
The Talisman—Kevin de Bruyne
“A Syndicate Classic—Freedom Waffles”
Editor’s
Retroactive Notes:
Sorry
to make you relive this, Stateside Bettors. Skip it if you’re the sensitive
Yank type. Wondo should have scored. You should have made it to the
Quarterfinals and beyond.
Oh
what might have been. Here’s what was:
From
WM 2014—Day Nineteen Recap:
Good
morning Stateside Bettors,
….
….
….
It
was a BREATHTAKING match. That much you have to admit. Captivating and
absorbing from start to finish; one of the most pulsating encounters we’ve seen
all Summer. It kept you, me, and numerous Krauts frequenting all the quaint
Biergartens I visited last night on the edge of our seats right up until the
final whistle. You went out it fine style. Long live football!
All
of Howard’s seemingly infinite acrobatic saves, Yedlin and Bradley’s supersonic
individual runs, Besler and Beasley’s dramatic last minute tackles,
Wondolowski’s heart-stopping miss, and Green’s hair-raising gorgeous finish off
the volley. Admit it. You had fun. You felt alive. The final result
notwithstanding, Red, White, and Blue blood pounded through your veins.
Of
course you would have had more fun if you were hopping from one Biergarten to
the next with your boy Vicey. Extra added time enabled me to hit up three of my
favorites last night: Wolfbräu, Waldbräu, and Vogelbräu. Oh yes sir. All of
these breweries provided the perfect atmosphere for a bit of public viewing,
along with some of the most luscious Craft Beer your taste buds have ever
known. Nothing quite like sitting underneath the lights and getting slowly
blitzed while watching an enlivening football match.
Most
of the neutral Krauts threw their support behind the Yanks last night, though a
few red-clad expatriate Belgium enthusiasts were to be found. I also
encountered a couple of members of “Sam’s Army”, though they were sadly doing
their best to go incognito. A Beer Garden supplies you with just the right
atmosphere to swap a few stories with a stranger. There was plenty of that last
night, but not as much as one might expect. The match kept us all completely
enraptured. Only after the final whistle was there truly time to make a few new
friends.
For
those still washing the acidic taste of defeat out of their mouths, your
friendly bookie has a full EIGHT PAGES of USA post-mortem below for you to chew
on. I’d care to add that the Yanks last night displayed some of the final
levels of fitness I’ve ever seen. Klinsi’s known to be a wizard when it comes
to maintaining discipline and fitness among his players. They ran their hearts
out and showed no sign of fatigue. You’ve got a capable leader and a great
team. Every reason to be proud ; )
It’s
not over yet America. Next summer the Women get their turn as favorites to win
the 2015 Women’s World Cup. After that, Klinsi’s boys get to compete in the
historic “CONCACAF-COMNEBOL Inter-Continental Super Cup”. America will even
serve as hosts for the 2016 Summer Event. Following that, assuming you win the
cakewalk “CONCACAF Gold Cup”, we’ll see you compete in 2017’s “Confederations
Cup”. See? It’s not over for another four years……stop saying that!
Vincent
Kompany recovered from injury in time to don the captain’s armband. Wilmots
stuck with his goal-scorer from the previous match up front and kept Lukaku in
reserve. What a brilliant fucking decision that turned out to be. Christ
almighty. West Brom used to use Lukaku in the same capacity….to incredibly
successful effect.
Yep.
That struck fear in my heart. As a U.S. Sympathizer, even though I stood to
make a large sum off the U.S. loss, I recall feeling a distinct pang in my
chest the moment I saw a fresh-legged Romelu Lukaku coming off the bench as the
first period of overtime. He looked pumped up. His eyes burned with the fiery
passion of a man with a serious point to prove. Most of the U.S. eleven were
leggy and mistake-prone. A Sixth Sense conveyed to me right then and there that
this was about to be over.
It
took less than a minute for him to slice and dice through the tired defensive
ranks and set up van Buyten with that brilliant cutback. De Bruyne hit him with
that incisive through ball twelve minutes later and he had his own goal. Holy
Shit. Lukaku off the bench as a “Super Sub” constitutes one explosive secret
weapon for the Red Devils of Antwerp.
Actual
Lineup:
“The
Yanks”—Match Four (4-1-2-3)
Clint Dempsey
|
Alenjandro Bedoya Fabian Johnson
|
Michael Bradley Graham Zusi
|
Jermaine Jones
|
D. Beasley
M. Besler O. Gonzalez G. Cameron
|
Tim Howard
|
In
one of the more inelegant solutions to a problem I’ve ever seen, Klinsi moved
Borussia Mönchengladbach fullback Fabian Johnson all the way up to striker!
Whoa! There’s simply no other explanation for it! Beasley, Besler, Omar
Gonzalez, and Geoff Cameron were all on the pitch so he wasn’t being deployed
as a defender. Zusi and Bradley were clear instructed to sweep the middle of
the pitch. Jermaine Jones's positioning was right in front of the centerbacks.
Johnson served as a striker on the right Unbelievable!
Johnson
is another one of the German half-breeds. (for those keeping track that’s FOUR
American players who give flawless German-language interviews to our media
afterwards). He’s never (to my knowledge) played as a forward before. Then
again, neither had German defender Per Mertesacker when Klinsi needed him up
front in a pinch. It’s not unheard of to deputize tall and fast defenders as
emergency strikers, but remains extremely rare. Klinsi now has the distinction
of being the only manager I’ve ever seen to do it twice in two major
tournaments. Neat. Inelegant, but still neat.
Johnson
lasted only 32 minutes before succumbing to injury. This would have constituted
the perfect opportunity to bring on Green. Instead, Klinsi subbed in another
mobile defender, DeAndre Yedlin. The 20-year-old product of Seattle’s Youth
System played another very good game. He definitely counts as the biggest U.S.
surprise of this competition. He’s a strong and skilled Lahm-like speedball who
sweeps his way past defenders with an impeccable touch. Surely he’s caught the
attention of some of Europe’s big clubs by now. This bookie foresees a
September transfer to either the Premiership or the Championship. He’ll soon be
strutting his stuff on English pitches.
As
well as he played as a right flank forward…well never know if Green could have
produced something more helpful. This match needn’t have gone 120 minutes. We
found that out the hard way once again in the 89th. Observing that
Zusi just couldn’t get on the same page with Bradley in the center, Klinsi
introduced San Jose Earthquakes striker Wondolowski in the 72nd.
How
in the hell did Wondolowski miss that effort? Ach! The ball fell right at his
feet. It was easier to finish that to miss! He actually wasn’t even whistled
offside. The linesman was flagging for a defensive foul. It could have been all
over, America. You could have had your place in the good chance of making the
Semis! Oh je. It just wasn’t to be.
England—“The Three Lions”
Imagine for a moment just how badass England’s prospects
would be if big Sam were managing this team. Okay…perhaps that’s a sensational
stretch. I’ll cop to it. Allardyce’s
almost mythical ability to rescue sinking Premiership clubs from relegation may
be nothing more than that; a myth. A solid tactics man with a strong appetite
for challenging jobs (along with plenty of hefty game pies) hardly makes for an
Arthurian Legend. We all crave a modern day equivalent of Brian Clough and Peter
Taylor; distinctively English heroes who only just barely missed their chance
to redeem Football’s most perplexingly snake-bit team. It makes for good copy,
though not quite as good the exposé the Telegraph ran.
When will the odds finally cave in? When will our proud
Anglo-Brothers stop pissing on their own cursed feet? Someone must eventually
lead this confounded country back to glory. The Lions feature enough talent in
any given year to easily thrash through the rest of the field. This year is no
exception. Talented team? Of course it bloody well is! It’s comprised of the
Premiership’s best players; players who happen to play in the undisputed best
bleeding league in the world!
They should be the favorites They should sport thirteen
freaking stars on their crest by now. At least one expert, oddsmaker, or pundit
should list them as their pick…but not ONE SINGLE ONE has. Why? Because England
always loses. Because your friendly bookie has already written up half of the
obituary section and began to think about placement for the traditional
graphic. We’re five days removed from kickoff and it’s already over.
“Mother England” is mother-fucked. Such is life. Let’s just
get it over with ; (
Of course that doesn’t mean your friendly bookie won’t root
for them heart & soul. He’ll even likely lose some money on sanguinely set
lines. He’ll even “draw it up” for them after each match, wasting precious
moments of his life straining to see the solution.
We’ll embark upon that journey right now. Manager Southgate made
few surprising moves in his final selection. A plethora of in-form defensemen
meant there remained no room for Ryan Bertrand or Chris Smalling. A packed
defensive corps meant that Adam Lallana got the last-minute axe. Wilshere,
Cork, and Oxlade-Chamberlin weren’t even given consideration.
When initially building the lineup, I assumed that Gareth
would format with a 5-3-2. He still might revert to that when needed, but that
would crowd out a refreshed and re-tooled Jaime Vardy. Thusly, I’m seeing a
4-3-3 as the default look.
Vardy lurks behind Sterling and Kane, all three of whom are
red-hot and hungry. Dier reprises his role as the safety midfielder, flanked
once again by Dele Ali on the right. Rooney no longer merits even an honorary
midfield role. Praise St. George! He weighed the team down significantly in
2016. Jesse Lingard counts as a magnificent upgrade. The back four remains
mostly unchanged, but I’ll project John Stones over Phil Jones at least as an
experiment.
Great team. Great lineup and formation. Will we revel in
spiritual renditions of “God Save the Queen” well into the knockout phase?
Of course not. Best case scenario they lose in another
shootout. Goodbye Limeys ; )
Projecting the “Losing Lion Lineup” (4-3-3)
Raheem Sterling Harry Kane
|
Jaime
Vardy
|
Jesse Lingard Eric Dier Dele Ali
|
Danny Rose
Kyle Walker
|
Gary Cahill John Stones
|
Jordan Pickford
|
The Talisman—Harry Kane
The real prince Harry. To hell with that red-headed guy and
his multicultural American Princess. Believe it or not I actually had to think
about this choice for a tad. Sterling’s amazing season, Vardy’s revival, and
Lingard’s breakthrough gave me some pause. You just have to go with the newly anointed
captain; maybe the world’s best all-around player. Many have tried to find a
weakness in his game. “Many” are still looking.
“A Syndicate Classic—Brexit Rage…and
James Milner”
Editor’s
Retroactive Notes:
A
disastrous English performance—perfectly predictable by the way—coupled with
the unpredicted Brexit, left your friendly bookie feeling most unfriendly.
Perhaps it would much behoove him to behave more like James Milner.
Note
that the 2012 selection pre-dates the now famously brilliant twitter-feed ; )
From EM 2016—Day Fourteen Recap:
“Riffs
of the Day”—Day Fourteen
Reader:
Your thoughts on the British Referendum, Vicey?
Vicey:
Greetings, “Generic Reader”. I have little to say on the decision by the U.K.
to leave the European Union. Your friendly bookie is no longer an “EU Scholar”.
Sorry, brothers. I used to care. I really did. As a Shadow Scholar, I literally
wrote hundreds of pages on EU Policy and the Continent’s attempt at regional
integration.
I
wrote numerous papers on the Lisbon Treaty. I wrote even more on the
Transatlantic Trade Pact. I wrote still more on the need to integrate Eastern
European Countries like Latvia, Estonia, and Lithuania into the currency union.
I
can’t be bothered to care anymore ; ( Academia threw my ass out, leaving me
destitute, dis-consulate, and dirt poor. The Ivory Tower has little use for
those of us not interested in licking the assholes of our professors.
Let
them have their niche. They deserve to lord over a world in which Donald Trump
wins a major party’s presidential nomination and the elderly tea-sipping ladies
of England vote to sever themselves from Europe.
The
Overpaid Academics can keep this world.
Alzo
Sprach your friendly bookie. ; )
From
EM 2016—Day Fifteen Recap
Oh
to be home at a time like this. All across the Fatherland, everyone’s out
“taking her for a spin”. The car-horns, drums, bicycle bells, chants, and yells
won’t relent until early in the morning. Everyone’s partying….except me. ; (
*Sniff*
Your
friendly bookie REALLY misses Europe. It makes him so melancholic to think he
won’t be returning there anytime soon. Were I on the other side of the pond at
this precise moment, I’d be cruising around the Willy-Brandt-Alle with the top
down pounding my car horn and ceaselessly screaming Deutschland. I’d have a
couple cute girls in the back seat waving flags and blowing kisses. At present
I’m all alone in an empty house dealing with a very vocal cat who keeps
beseeching me to get off the keyboard and feed him.
…..
….
Dammit.
A piece that opened with such elation suddenly took quite the morose turn. This
may well turn out to be most bi-polar post in the history of the Syndicate…and
that’s actually saying something. Mixed emotions reign. Watching the sublime
skills of Draxler, Neuer, Poldi, and “Bringschuld Baby Boateng” constituted the
highlight of my Summer. On the other hand, I’ll remain melancholic about my
long-term exile from my beloved homeland. This are the first Euros since 2004
that I haven’t spent at least some of the tournament in good-ol-Europe.
*Sob*
I
MISS MY FATHERLAND! Why, oh why, did every last force have to conspire against
me during my last sojourn? Oh well. Sometimes you just can’t be with the one
you love. Crosby, Stills, and Nash remind one to “love the one you’re with”. As
it so happens, I love my Syndicate brothers even more than the Fatherland.
Thanks to you, this has been a very special day indeed.
My
sincerest gratitude to all of you for re-connecting with me today. I treasured
every last text, phone call, and riff-laden e-mail. Today worked out well. We
all got together and caught up. We recaptured the true meaning of the
Syndicate. We’re also not done, ye. Argentina vs. Chile in the Copa America
Centenario tonight! I took a well-deserved day off work; my first non-holiday
day away for almost a year! I’ve already had the privilege of touching base
with almost half of you. Let’s shoot for the full 100 percent!
Dammit.
I really miss Europe. When can I go home? I wanna have an impromptu wine and
cheese picnic on the Pointe Alexander Bridge! You guys are living MY life…and I’m
insanely jealous.
Damn
you to hell!
Okay…sorry
for the pettiness. I’m actually glad you guys FINALLY decided to enjoy Paris.
You finally decided to relax. Hope to join you soon.
--So
much talk centers around “awakenings”. Teams seem to take their time to round
themselves into form.
“Germany
took their time to get up and running”
“Belgium
took their time to get up and running”
“France
still needs to get up and running”
That’s
a consequence of a diluted 24-team-field. It has its disadvantages. My
colleagues can attest that I’ve been bitching about the fact that there are too
many teams in this tournament…and that there’s a competing Pan-American
tournament to boot.
I
think we should all dispense with such criticism. Your friendly bookie complaining
about not having enough time to watch football is ultimately just insipid. The
languid tempo of some of the opening matches must be forgiven. We got some
great surprises out of the extended group phase. It’s true that the Round of 16
will yield fewer surprises. It’s also true that the larger countries took
advantage of the format and spent the early matches on “cruise control”.
We
should all still back the expansion of Europe, particularly in light of the
fact that we just lost the U.K. ; )
Keep
expanding, Europe. Spread the wings of peace and prosperity!
From EM 2016--Quarterfinals:
England
Shit
on top of crap. What a terrible selection. Way to humiliate your country by
keeping Lallana on the bench, flipping Danny Rose, and starting Raheem Sterling.
Horrendous display from Rooney, Walker, AND Joe Hart. That’s it for “Uncle
Roy”. He’s finished. Too many experiments. No way that just happened. The Three
Lions disgraced football.
Period.
Excrement.
Futile fucking turds dropped into a toilet bowl. I’m personally embarrassed to
be a fan of England. I’m beyond ashamed. It sucks being a fan of diarrheic
excrement. Way to blow it, lads.
Why
does a country with so much talent keep stumbling? Because England always
loses. Enter the Graphic!
From EM 2012—Group D Preview:
3) No Frank Lampard
Uh-oh. News of this
just broke yesterday. Though he generally stays back in midfield, Lampard has a
knack for cherry-picking opportunities. His speed, passing ability, and superb
pitch vision will be sorely missed. He’s one of the greatest Englishmen playing
currently. Despite his reputation as a stay-at-home midfielder, he scored 16
goals and doled out 10 assists this season. He’s tallied 23 times for the
national team. The roster spot now belongs to Liverpool’s Jordan Henderson,
with James Milner likely to take Lampard’s place. Milner lacks Lampard’s
mobility and gusto. I’ve watched him shuffle his hulking frame around,
seemingly doing his best to be a non-factor in the match for three Premiership
Clubs now. He failed win me over at Aston Villa, Newcastle, and finally Man
City. Physically he looks as if he should be every bit as celebrated as Steven
Gerrard. Somehow he just fails to inspire.
Editor’s
retroactive notes:
Props
to Milner, who didn’t do a bad job filling in after all. Still, one must
conclude that Barry and Lampard might have precluded yet another debilitating
knockout-round exit via penalties. Even if the pair aren’t especially known for
being the strongest boots on the Isle, a dearth of leadership certainly played
a role in this country’s demise.
Tunisia—“The Eagles of Carthage”
They always find a way to punch through to the knockouts in
the African Continental Championship, but have never escaped their group in
four trips to the Global Competition. Might as well make it five here as
they’ve gotten even worse than their uninspiring last incarnation. An unbeaten
qualifying campaign gives one hope, but the losses of Yousef Msakni and Aymen Abdennour
loom large. The Tunisians had their fair share of issues even before that. They
never played very exciting football to begin with. Now Nabil Maaloul has to frankenstein the lineup and this bookie honestly hates the look of this stitched
up monster. Ugh. Don’t back this team if you value your purse.
After Ahmed Akaichi fell out of favor with the new
management team, Saber Khalifa assumed sole responsibility for the offensive
initiative. It quickly became clear that he wasn’t up to the task,
necessitating call-ups for domestic league players Anice Badri, Ghailene
Chaalali, and Taha Khenissi. Fakhereddine Ben Yousef is still around pitching
in where he can.
These plug-ins have generated goals, but it what they don’t
endanger is any real fear of a creative forward impetus. At present the only
source from whence genuine danger in the attacking third can spring remains the
spirited captain of the team. Sunderland’s Wahbi Khazri spoke well with his
feet this season, turning in eleven total tallies on loan to French Side
Rennes. He’s spoken even more emphatically with his mouth on more than one
occasion. Khazri all but guarantees that his team will exceed everyone’s
expectations.
He possesses the talent to back up such talk. This bookie will
go so far as to project that he’ll even start at striker. It’s the only
solution I see. The other lads simply aren’t ready. He might prove a good fit
for the position, knowing his tendency to run too hard in midfield leave
himself gassed too early.
Khazri’s move up front, coupled with the Mskani injury,
leaves Sliti in need of a partner. I’ll slot in the increasing desperate Srarfi.
He needs a huge tournament to get his career back on track. Ben Amor and Sassi
cover roughly half of Khazri’s former ground while Ali Maaoul moves in to the
centerback position to watch over the rest. Ousssama Haddadi takes over at Left
Back with plenty of space to do his thing.
Hmmm…no. Not happening. Can’t talk myself into this team.
Can’t trust them. Don’t get suckered in.
Projecting the Tunisian Lineup (4-4-2)
Wahbi Khazri Saber Kalifa
|
Bassem Srarfi Naim
Sliti
|
M.A. Ben Amor Ferjani Sassi
|
Oussama Haddadi Hamdi Nagguez
|
Ali Maaoul S. B. Youssef
|
Farouk Mustapha
|
The Talisman—Wahbi Khazri
“A Syndicate
Classic—Litany of Letdowns”
Editor’s
Retroactive Notes:
The
Carthaginians have received ample coverage in the AFCON Chapters. For the most
part this oddsmaker briefly talks himself into them, then talks himself out,
then gets mired in regret. Something like that.
Here
are some selections:
From
CAN 2013—Quarterfinals
Tunisia
Exhale,
exhale, exhale. For the first time since 1992, we’ve got a FULLY SUB-SAHARAN
CAN Knockout Phase. As we prepare to undertake a brief flit through my personal
journey from jitters to joy, I welcome you the EIGHTH installment of “Your
friendly bookie doesn’t much care to expend too much energy on North Africa”.
From
the CAN 2013 Introductory Section:
“Well,
well. If it isn’t my old nemesis: The Eagles of Carthage.”
….
When
first evaluating the roster, I had high hopes that the reds wouldn’t advance. Regrettably,
the immediate reaction to that cursory glance turned out to be quite erroneous.
Sure their midfielders are young and untested….but that doesn’t necessarily
mean that they’re unproven.
….
So
we have an experienced midfield, a veteran defensive corps, and…..Islaam Jemaa
is still playing?
….
Gritting
my teeth as I say this, but the Tunisians might just advance out of the group.
FROM
CAN 2013—“Round One”:
It’s
the battle of the Berbers! Two North African states duel some 9,000 miles from
their usual sandpit. For every goal scored, we’ll see an extra minute of injury
time. These footballers have to pray, after all.
FROM
CAN 2013—“Round Three”:
“Hahahahaha.
DIE! DIE you indolent bastards.”
Whew.
What a relief. With any luck Sierra Leone, Equatorial Guinea, and Cape Verde
will ensure that I won’t have to write about this team again next summer.
Er…wait a second. Those three countries once more? Dammit. I’m screwed. The
dominant Eagles of Carthage are off to an epic start, beating the everlasting
shit out of that creampuff group. They’ll be back next Summer whether your
bookie likes it or not. Fuck me.
Editor’s
retroactive notes:
….or
maybe not! Les Indomitables ran roughshod over them in the final qualifying
leg! The once proud Eagles of Carthage have now failed to qualify for two
consecutive World Cups and cycled through three head coaching changes in the
last year alone. Catch the downward spiral.
From
CAN 2015—Semi-Finals
7th
Place—Tunisia
Sweet
crucified and crying Jesus! What the hell happened? For those of you who missed
it, the hosts were awarded an absolutely unforgivable penalty in the third
minute of injury time. Horrible officiating enabled the one-time Real Madrid
prospect to grab a brace with an admittedly brilliant free kick in the 102nd
minute. It still wasn’t fair.
The
unsportsmanlike behavior of the Tunisians after the controversial call
absolutely warrants financial sanction, but the “Eagles of Carthage” deserve to
feel hard done by. CAF has suspended the match referee for good reason. He blew
it. Terrible call. Atrocious judgment.
Akaichi
did his job and his team should have punched through to their first semi-final
in eleven years. This was to be their year. Esteban Becker assembled a fine
team. Akaichi, Mskani, and Chickhaoui crushed it with their performances.
Sheiße!
Always a pity when overwhelmingly shitty officiating gets in the way ; ( ;
(
From
CAN 2017—Round Two:
16
Tunisia
What
the floppin-wop was that? Sloppy and outright stupid. So much the Carthage crew
making it through the “Group of Death”. As it appeared to your friendly bookie,
Kasperozak deployed the dreaded “False-9 Formation”. Difficult to ascertain
with as the Tunisians were clearly making even more in-match tactical tinkering
than the Algerians.
For
the most part, however, it looked as if Ahmed Akaichi spent most of the match
“pocketed”. What? True he’s failed to catch fire with domestic clubs since he
left the Bundesliga, but possesses far too much raw talent to work 18 yards
deep. Let the man work!
Horrible
marking on set pieces, utter disorientation from the back four, and a general
sense that the midfielders have nothing to offer other than endless
triangulation passes. Done and done. Kasperozak doesn’t have really have any
options other than grizzled veterans in his Kader. Your friendly bookie is
prepared to write them of right here right now.
Nothing
I saw bodes well for their next fixture. The “Desert Derby” will be won by the
Algerians.
From
CAN 2017—Round Three
6)
Tunisia
(Previously
#16)
Always
a pleasure to be proven dead wrong. The “Desert Derby” defied my
prognostications fully, even if there was some luck involved. Mathlouthi
weathered the initial storm well, enabling his outfielders to take control of
the tempo and force a stalemate. Nagguez’s ambition deserves plaudits, but the
keeper deserves most of the credit for shutting down all of the early chances
from the Fennecs.
Auspicious
Scheduling means the Eagles will likely punch through, but we’re still not
dealing with a convincing team here. The flukish own goal almost defied
physics. The so-called “penalty against Ghoulam” was a textbook example of a
well-sold “Wop-Flop” after minimal next-to-nothing contact. Khazri executed the
“clever play”.
Not
feeling this team. Cheating is never acceptable. Though they’ll likely best the
Warriors, they should prove doormats cometh the real challenge.
From
CAN 2017—Semi-Finals:
8th
Place—Tunisia
Knew
I couldn’t trust this team. It was always something. A wretched inability to
deliver quality crosses. Failure to establish proper midfield rhythm. Cynical
flailing simulation from players like Youseef Msakni, Naim Sliti, Aymen
Abdennour, and Ferjani Sassi. Though the free-kick gifted to Bancé that
ultimately ended up killing this team wasn’t exactly fair, neither was the
routinely shifty play from Hamdi Nagguez, the deplorably cheap challenges from
Yacoubi, or the unforgiveable attempts at the “clever Wop-Flop” from Wahib
Khazri! Poetic justice was served. Take a closer look at Nagguez’s insanely
flagrant shirt tug on Issoufou Dayo if you’re not convinced! Kharma comes home.
We
bid farewell to the “Carthage Cats” for the fifth time in Syndicate History. In
both WM Years they never made it past the Group Stage. In both AFCONs, they
were eliminated in the Quarters. Plenty of sympathy was in order for them after
a poor-officiated elimination back in 2015. No such empathy is deserved this
time. This was a bad team that played bad football.
Khazri
looked gassed throughout the entire competition. Msakni seems to have lost
quite a bit. Akaichi and Sliti were….somewhat difficult to phrase…they were
“nowhere”. That’s all I can say.
Qualification
for 2018 shouldn’t prove too hard. Kasperczak, likely to be retained, has an
unwritten obligation to present us with a squad capable of playing more
attractive and honorable football.
Panama—“Los Caneleros”
Welcome, Syndicate Debutantes! Can’t wait to see fans the
rabid fans in the stands, proudly waving their quad-quadrant Banderas for as
long as luck and circumstance will allow. Their unforeseen qualification
actually wasn’t a fluke. A grand
engineer built, structured and directed a well-balanced team. International
football enthusiasts recall the name Hernan Gomez; a Colombian Manager once famous
for leading both his native country and Ecuador to the World Cup Finals. “El
Bolillo”, as he is sometimes called, currently renders a largely unknown
footballing commodity even more mysterious. He’s opted to leave most of the
veteran architects responsible for this team’s improbable run at home. Roberto Nurse, Rolando Blackburn, and Ricardo
Buitrago all didn’t survive the final cut.
Gomez does retain two “old-pro” strikers in Blas Perez and
Gabriel Torres. Difficult to envision how precisely he’ll wish to use them or
even if he plans on starting them. Also coming along for the ride are young emerging
talents like Ismael Diaz and Abdiel Arroyo. The latter showed us glimpses of
his potential with a breathtaking finish in the Copa America Centenario. The
former merits a very close look. The former can’t seem to really establish
himself on the reserve squads of Portuguese and Spanish Clubs, but merits a
very close look.
For now, this bookie projects Diaz helming the attack with
Perez and Torres close behind. Gomez has brought two more very young developing
talents with him for his midfield kader. Ricardo Avila and Jose Luis Rodriguez,
Youth Academy stars for Gent in the Belgian League, have only been capped a
combined seven times for country. Either one of them might earn a place in the
starting eleven when Gomez decides to go for broke. Careers are defined in this
tournament. Coaches love to furnish an opportunity for truly hungry players.
The most exciting novel prospect in defense is the itinerant,
and somewhat inauspiciously named, Fidel Escobar. He may be forced into a
midfield starting role with Alberto Quintero out injured. Sort of a
“make-or-break” tournament for him as his sluggish development keeps seeing him
demoted to MLS B-Teams. He’ll also relish a chance to shine.
As hard as it is to fathom, the Canal Men remain,
statistically speaking, only the fourth-worst-ranked team in the competition.
That sadly won’t translate to a 28th Place Finish. Not in this
Group.
Don’t shy away from high lines as there will be
blowouts.
Projecting the Panamanian Lineup (4-3-3)
Ismael Diaz
|
Blas Perez Gabriel Torres
|
V. Pimentel G. Gomez A. Godoy
|
Erik Davis
M.A. Murillo
|
Felipe Baloy
Roman Torres
|
Jaime Penedo
|
The Talisman—Roman Torres “A Syndicate Classic—Brazilian Baseball”
Editor’s
Retroactive Notes:
Some discussion of
this country in the five WMQ Qualifying Sections, but little substantive about
the hitherto unknown CONCACAF Isthmusers. Even went back to the WBC Chapter in
the hopes that there might have been something about Vincente Padilla there.
Nada.
Oh well. Might as well
re-post something from the Syndicate’s “Lost Episode”. Insane that we once
wagered on this tournament…and that we had some fun whilst doing so!
From WBC
2013—Syndicate Reloaded:
Brazil
(Overall Winning Odds 10-1)
Former
owner of the Texas Rangers, and current nude self-portrait painting
ex-President George W. Bush, once infamously conceded that he had no idea there
were blacks in Brazil. Ostensibly, had he known a little more about the world
he was placed in charge of leading, he might have been a better President.
Former
owner of the Little League Phillies Fantasy Baseball Club and current nude
typing enthusiast Vice now concedes that he had no idea there was baseball in
Brazil. Ostensibly, had he known a little more about the “sport” he was
covering, he might be a better writer?
Brazil?
Who the sura-del-bundaing fuck plays baseball in Brazil? That wasn’t even in
that god-awful Albert Brooks movie! We did not see Brazil in 2006 and 2009, for
the simple reason that there was no qualifying round, 16 teams were
pre-selected, and the Brazilian team featured a goat at third base.
Everything
changed when the IBAF invited the Samba Nine to participate. The Brazilian
Baseball Federation hired none other than Cincinnati hall of fame shortstop
Barry Larkin to sculpt a credible club. He made a mockery out of those
minimalist expectations, upsetting two Latin American countries with
well-established baseball traditions: Panama and Columbia. Twice Larkin’s lads
eked out one run victories against the Panamanians. Additionally, they massacred
Columbia in a 7-1 rout that made no sense whatsoever.
Okay…perhaps
it makes a little sense. Granted, ten of the players on the Brazilian roster
are currently signed to major league contracts. However, all of them play on
the lowest levels of the farm systems. Until last year, no Brazilian had ever
made it to the show. That changed when utility infielder earned an early season
call-up to the Bigs last year.
One
must admit that baseball looks about ready to break in the football mad nation.
Japanese immigrants introduced baseball to Brazil in the 1920s. Shut out of the
countries like Australia, South Africa, and the States due to racist
immigration policies, hundreds of thousands of Japanese emigrated to Brazil,
mostly to earn cash as coffee plantation laborers. Today, an estimated 1.5
million Brazilians are of Japanese descent. It remains less than one percent of
the population, yet still significant enough to constitute the largest Japanese
population outside Japan.
Accordingly,
the, Brazilian baseball team is roughly half Latin and half Nippon. That’s a
promising mixture! Over seventy-five percent of their players play in the top
two baseball nations in the world. True, with most of them working their way up
through the American minors and Japanese industrial league, they cannot
accurately be described as ready for primetime just yet. Nevertheless, we’ve
plenty to behold down the road. The Japanese and Brazilians have the potential
to concoct wonderful things when they fuse….
“Things”
like Sabrina Sato:
…..or
Danielle Suzuki
Vicey’s
Fearless Group Prediction (Straight Up Odds for bookie)
1)
Belgium 2)
England 3)
Tunisia 4)
Panama
Overall
Championship Odds
Belgium (2 to1) England (6 to 1) Tunisia (25 to 1) Panama (100 to 1)
Round
of 16 Odds
Belgium (NO BETS) England (NO BETS) Tunisia (2 to 1) Panama (10 to 1)
Quarterfinal
Odds
Belgium (NO BETS) England (2 to 1) Tunisia (8 to 1) Panama (30 to 1)
Semifinal
Odds
Belgium (NO BETS) England (4 to 1) Tunisia (18 to 1) Panama (75 to 1)
