Shadow Scholar Syndicate: FWM 2019--Day Five Recap

Your “Syndicate Hangover” is proudly presented by “Perrier”

Your friendly bookie remains more of a San Pellegrino man, but we’ll accord the hosts some respect for their second-rate club soda. Along with La Croix, it’s an acceptable option when the only other alternative happens to be Seltzer Water.

Day 5: Recap

Bookie’s Stats—

Spread: 7-5

Straight up: 9-2-1

I know you guys hate re-posts, but we simply have to. No one likes my trademark, “Did the Bookie effing well tell you or what?”, but I’ve earned it. Here come the hallowed words,

Did the bookie effing well tell you or WHAT?!

From FWM 2019—Group F Preview:

No one will trouble the USWNT team in this group. No one shall even come close; not even the Swedes. For the love of St. Carli Lloyd don’t wait until the knockouts to tune into this tournament. The American Women get set to blowout all three of these teams in the group phase. Mark the bookie’s words: They’ll win these games by 5-10 goal margins. That’s no hyperbole. That’s what’s about to happen.

Did the bookie effing well tell you or WHAT?!

From FWM 2019—Round One:

Are you ready, America? Prepare to behold just how herculean the U.S. Ladies are. Pity the poor Thais for having to debut against this juggernaut. The USWNT may score four or five goals just to get warmed up. Half the team can lay back in the defensive half of the pitch and leisurely pass around a pack of American Spirits. This one is already over before the opening whistle.

It literally won’t take more than four or five minutes before the net bulges. Bookie advises those who have to work to stream the game live whilst on the job. Should your boss get pissy with you for watching football on the company clock, simply say “I just wanted to watch the U.S. Women beat the Thais. It’ll only take a couple minutes.”

Did the bookie effing well tell you or WHAT?!

From FWM 2019—Day Four Recap:

Prior to the beginning of this tournament, FOX was so kind as to replay the USA vs. Japan 2015 Final once or twice. Your friendly bookie was lucky enough to catch it one evening whilst doing his prep work. Who can forget that feeling? Three goals inside of 14 minutes. Carli Lloyd with the midfield volley to complete the Hat Trick in the 16^th.

Prepare to feel that way again.

DID THE BOOKIE EFFING WELL TELL YOU OR WHAT?!?

I can’t believe you rubes scoffed when I offered an initial line of USA+4. I only rolled it up to +6 last night and +8 this morning. You guys missed out on the deal of a lifetime. I fully expected to lose my shirt on this one. So long as you guys got the chance to watch the U.S. succeed at football, it didn’t matter to me.

Keep up with your girls this Summer, America. There’s a damn good reason I devoted twelve pages to ensuring you meet each and every last one in the preview section. They’re the pride of this country. Fuck the USMNT thank can’t even beat Venezuela. Motherfuck paying attention to the 24-team-presidential nomination tournament. You’ve got eight months to follow that lousy show, mostly steered by idiots on twitter. The Summer belongs to these girls, this 24-team-tournament, and an actual good show, mostly steered by world class athletes.

Alles klar? That concludes the rant.

S.S.S. Tactical Breakdown

Lineup—USA—PROJECTED (4-3-3) (6/3/2019)

Megan Rapinoe Alex Morgan Tobin Heath

Julie Ertz

Lindsey Horan Rose Lavelle

Crystal Dunn Kelley O’Hara

Becky Sauerbrunn Abby Dahlkemper

Alyssa Naeher

Lineup—USA—Match One (4-3-3) (6/11/2019)

Megan Rapinoe Alex Morgan Tobin Heath

Sam Mewis

Lindsey Horan Rose Lavelle

Crystal Dunn Kelley O’Hara

Julie Ertz Abby Dahlkemper

Alyssa Naeher

Essentially a perfect pick. Sauerbrunn got yanked at the last moment after a reported minor quad injury. Ellis thus moved Ertz back to her original position and started Mewis. I actually question whether or not this injury is real, given that they were looking for an excuse to start the surging Mewis. I actually openly stated that I would want her in my starting eleven but couldn’t justify replacing either Lavelle or Horan.

That’s about the only interesting thing to report. One doesn’t need any commentary from me. 13-nil pretty much commentates itself. Watch the replay tonight if you missed it. Nothing more to say here.

“Riffs of the Day”—Day Five

Reader: I can see Jill Roord’s nipular areas.

Vicey: …..you’re unemployed again, aren’t you, 150-M? It’s freaking 10:00 a.m. No one at work is watching the match that closely!

Reader: Wanna argue about Sukanta Chor Charonenying?

Vicey: Oh, the gauntlet has been thrown down, 135-M. You know Sornpao’s my pet.

Reader: Which of these Swedish temptresses do I want?

Vicey: Nilla Fischer. Happy hunting.

Reader: (in real time) The Thai commentator on the FIFA blog says “It can only get better for them in the second half”

Vicey: (in real time) That poor sonofabitch needs to take more English courses.

Reader: Hahahahaha. They just ran a “Frozen 2” ad at halftime.

Vicey: Pshaw. Well, I suppose the young girls watching can aspire to be both a princess and a female footballer. There’s no reason you can’t be both. Just look Alex Greenwood.

Reader: Alex Morgan’s got five on it.

Vicey: Attaboy, 86-M. You’re my evil black doppelgänger! Awww..shit.

Reader: This is like watching LSU vs. UL Monroe.

Vicey: I’d go with Arkansas Pine Bluff myself, 5-M, but well done.

Reader: Hope Solo is looking awfully surly in all that makeup.

Vicey: That’s like saying “the Pope is looking awfully gay in that dress”, 16-M. It’s a fact of life. Didn’t I say we weren’t discussing her anymore? It’s time to move on. Learn to focus on Alyssa Naeher….if anyone can ever manage to get shot through to her.