Your “Syndicate Hangover” is proudly presented by “Perrier”
Your friendly bookie remains more of a San Pellegrino man, but we’ll accord the hosts some respect for their second-rate club soda. Along with La Croix, it’s an acceptable option when the only other alternative happens to be Seltzer Water.
Day 17: Recap
Bookie’s Stats—
Spread: 29-33
Straight up: 40-16-6
Whew. Merci beaucoup, gent feminine. Just as it appeared that the bookie would be filing a bitter post lambasting his beloved Cameroon for destroying the sport, les dames overcame some more VAR controversy to literally save the day.
No shortage of stories in this Sunday’s football. Argentine redemption deserves a mention, but we absolutely must give this day to les Bleaus.
An amazing finish from captain Amandine Henry.
Vive la republique! Allez les Bleaus. Plenty more on them tomorrow.
S.S.S. Tactical Breakdown
Your friendly bookie will address the poor sportsmanship of the Cameroon women below. I won’t shy away from it. Even Afro-philes like myself must keep it honest. A robust stand must be taken irrespective of how “P.C.” it may or may not be.
First, we need to continue to track the bookie’s selected favorites. Their status necessitates a write up after every match. Previous ones can be found in the recaps of Day Three, Eight, and Thirteen.
Lineup—England—Match Four (Projected) (4-3-2-1) (6/21/2019)
Ellen White
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Beth Mead Nikita Parris
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Toni Duggan Karen Carney Fran Kirby
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Alex Greenwood Lucy Bronze
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Steph Houghton Millie Bright
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Karen Bardsley
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Lineup—England—Match Four (Actual) (4-3-2-1) (6/23/2019)
Ellen White
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Toni Duggan Nikita Parris
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Jill Scott Fran Kirby Keira Walsh
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Alex Greenwood Lucy Bronze
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Steph Houghton Millie Bright
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Karen Bardsley
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Can’t say I liked this selection very much. Not that I wasn’t overjoyed to see him to stick with Duggan. Keeping Keira Walsh was also fine. I expressed my openness to keeping her at any position other than center in the last write-up. Scott and Kirby to round out the midfield, on the other hand, yielded the rather colorless results I anticipated when I first saw the team sheet.
Kirby isn’t exactly a midfield magician. Her speed, stature, and physical nature leave her a better pick for either a short-striker or flank position. She’s meant to do battle, not to regulate the flow. I had high praise for the way this same midfield trio performed in the first match, but that was when Scott occupied center and Walsh was slanted left.
Scott again looked tired as all hell. Even more alarmingly, she kept moving right to influence the play, mostly getting in the way of Bronze and Parris. Neville should consider at least sitting her for the next match. There are so many other options in midfield and the female “Crouchy” would make for a splendid Super-Sub off the bench in a tight match.
Tough to assign grades after a match that left such a sour taste in all of our mouths. Phil Neville deserves plaudits for calling out Cameroon candidly. All the English girls get inflated marks for maintaining their cool and class in the face of that overly dramatic truculence. No marks for Leah Williamson, who came on long after we wished this nonsense was over with.
Grades—England (Match Four)
Ellen White
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A+
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Karen Bardsley
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A+
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Millie Bright
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A
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Lucy Staniforth
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A
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Toni Duggan
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A
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Jodie Taylor
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A-
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Alex Greenwood
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A-
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Steph Houghton
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A-
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Nikita Parris
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B+
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Keira Walsh
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B
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Lucy Bronze
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B-
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Fran Kirby
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C+
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Jill Scott
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C
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Note the grade inflation for Alex Greenwood. She did let all of the theatrics get to her a bit with that 54th minute giveway. Can’t really dock the girl for that. I might have lost focus for a moment after all that bullshit too. Otherwise she made some goal-saving tackles and finished well on the third goal. Bronze and Houghton made defensive errors after the melee too, but it didn’t affect their grades.
Some observed problems with the English defensive. Bookie feels most of it occurred in the chaotic minutes immediately following all that fucking chicanery. Houghton and Bright momentarily lost their awareness of the need to track back to their positions. One legitimate cause for concern has to be another problematic match for Lucy Bronze. She hasn't looked like the world’s best right back in this tournament. Following an excellent debut, she’s been tanking ever since. Not sure what happened to her touch or mobility. An exhausted and indecisive Jill Scott in midfield also doesn’t help matters. It seems to throw both the back axes off.
Weighing in on VAR
Does Ajara Nchout have a point?
No, she absolutely does not. Not a single fucking one. Bookie digs deep to find some compassion for her, but it’s not forthcoming. You all know how much love your friendly bookie loves the passion of African football, but that’s not what was on display today.
We saw a bunch of grown women throwing teenage-girl hissy fits. It’s been a horrible for African football.
I hang my head in shame. The Lady Lions of Cameroon should do the same.
Nchout claims that the officiating has been biased against her team since the beginning of the tournament. Nothing could be farther from the truth. If anything, the officials have shown remarkable restraint and tolerance in dealing with them. Let’s review. In the opening match against Canada, several hard fouls were given lenient punishment. My favored Gaëlle Enganamouit could have gotten a straight red for her high elbow. Yvonne Leuko probably should have gotten a straight for doing the same thing to Nikita Parris today.
We saw more reckless challenges in the match against the Netherlands. After Nchout scored the late game-winning goal in the final against New Zealand, play should have continued. Instead, the Ukrainian official inexplicably allowed the Cameroon players to engage in an excessive five-minute celebration. The match CANNOT end on a celebration. Eventually, the official gave up and called the match. She tried to get them moving again, but they simply refused.
That brings us to what we saw today. Toward the end of the first half, the Cameroonian women opted to have a team meeting right in the middle of the pitch. WHAT!?? This isn’t basketball. You don’t get fucking team time-outs! The Chinese official simply allowed them to refuse to play for FIVE FULL MINUTES.
After Nchout’s goal was disallowed early in the second half, we had to watch her cry and dance around like a ragdoll for another FIVE-FULL MINUTES.
Your friendly bookie would have ordinarily come down on her side with respect to the disallowed goal. Gabrielle Onguéné’s back heel was only fractionally offside. Ordinarily this would be the perfect example of VAR screwing the game by “re-refereeing” the match when it shouldn’t.
Bookie loved Ajara Nchout and the Lady Indomitables. They even carried the Day Fourteen recap. Had she reacted with even an ounce of maturity, we’d be discussing how VAR is destroying the game. Using the ridiculous decision taking Gauvin’s perfectly good goal away in the first half of Brazil-France, your friendly bookie would be writing a “double up” feature on how much VAR blows.
Instead, we’re talking about the worst women’s football spectacle I can recall since pony-tail gate back in 2010.
Oh, it’s been a bad fucking day ; (
“Riffs of the Day”—Day Seventeen
Reader: Your African projections have kinda sucked.
Vicey: That’s the beauty of CAN, 150-M. There are no easy picks in the African Continental Championship.
Reader: That is one well-fed Burundian coach
Vicey: No wonder Pierre Emerick Aubameyang couldn’t lead Gabon to the tournament. It appears Olivier Niyungeko swallowed him.
Reader: Even in empty stadiums those vuvuzelas are annoying as fuck.
Vicey: Bookie actually finds them rather relaxing. It’s kind of a monotone serenade.
Reader: You’re right about Marta’s lipstick. What the shit is going on?
Vicey: No clue, 16-M. She’s always rocked the tomboy look. It’s like Cristiano Ronaldo trot across the pitch in “come-fuck-me pumps”.
Reader: Kathleen needs to pull her shorts up more often.
Vicey: An astute observation, 53-M. Those are some legs!
Reader: Alexi Lalas just picked the Germans to win the tournament.
Vicey: Now I think MY head is about to explode.
Reader: Duggan for Greenwood was hair-braid for hair-braid!
Vicey: Bless you, 23-M. I needed a smile during that sordid England-Cameroon affair.
Reader: Catch the USMNT?
Vicey: Caught some of it whilst catching up with members. An attractive, first-rate performance. I’ve always said that you won’t fail to qualify for another World Cup. Of course, once the tournament expands to 48 teams, Trinidad will likely become mainstays too.
Reader: No effing way. How can they be reviewing a foul in the 97thminute? This match needs to end.
Vicey: Oh it’s been a bad fucking day.
Reader: Augustine Ejangue reminds me of my two-year-old daughter.
Vicey: Oh it’s been a bad fucking day.
Reader: Gabrielle Onguéne is still looking into that English post-match huddle. She wants a fight!
Vicey: Oh it’s been A BAD FUCKING DAY!
DAY EIGHTEEN—PREVIEW
USA vs. Spain
vs. 
The line holds in what should be a great match for USA fans. Some of you have bet against the high spread, but bookie’s not moving it. Three tallies just feels right. Action still available.
THE LINE: USA +3 Goals (holding)
Canada vs. Sweden
vs. 
Can’t believe some commentators and bookmakers are giving the Swedes a chance here. Bookie debuted what he feels in hindsight was a low line, but will hold it. Action still available.
THE LINE: Canada +1 Goal (holding)
Cote d’Ivoire vs. South Africa
vs. 
Very busy day tomorrow, particularly for a bookie who—believe it or not—still holds down a full time job AND does volunteer work. Somehow he’ll manage a glance at the new-look Elephants. Been looking forward to this for some time.
THE LINE: Cote d’Ivoire +2 Goals (holding)
Tunisia vs. Angola
vs. 
A little action, but we’ll hold the line. Looks to be a good tournament for North African sides.
THE LINE: Tunisia +2 Goals (holding)
Mali vs. Mauritania
vs. 
Mercifully it looks like we’ll get a fairly quiet nightcap. Bookie sticks with a low line as tournament debutantes continue to overachieve. Les Aigles leave it late.
THE LINE: Mali +1 Goal (holding)
Chile vs. Uruguay
vs. 
Huge match for the very vulnerable looking favorites, who absolutely don’t want to face Colombia in the Quarterfinals. Neither to the defending champs. Essentially it all comes down to this one for a place in the Final. Bookie sticks with his line.
THE LINE: Uruguay +1 Goal (holding)
Japan vs. Ecuador
vs. 
This one’s rolling down in prescience of a knock-down, drag-out fight to finish out this group. Take advantage if you like, Samurai heads.
THE LINE: Pick em’ (rolling down soft from Japan+1)
GENTLEMEN, ENTER YOUR WAGERS
