Your “Syndicate Hangover” is proudly presented by “Perrier”
Your friendly bookie remains more of a San Pellegrino man, but we’ll accord the hosts some respect for their second-rate club soda. Along with La Croix, it’s an acceptable option when the only other alternative happens to be Seltzer Water.
Day 15: Recap
Bookie’s Stats—
Spread: 22-26
Straight up: 32-10-6
A light day for international football today with only two matches on the board. Be sure to get plenty of rest tonight as we’ve got SEVEN on the slate tomorrow. The U.S. men also play Trinidad & Tobago tomorrow, but the bookie isn’t setting a line. Just enjoy it.
In terms of who deserves to be awarded the day, it’s definitely the Egyptian fans.
Africa is underway. Thanks for the colors! Way to light up the "Dark Continent"!
A Syndicate Classic—"No one is going to bomb Iran”
No time for a tactical review tonight as we’ve two separate sets of lines to drop. We’ll thus elevate our readers to an even higher level of annoyance and pad the pages with one of our patented “re-posts”. A timely topic given the day’s news.
Journey back with the bookie to a time when he actually had something to say about Geo-politics.
From WM 2006—“The Curse of the Syndicate”
(retroactive notes added in 2012)
Iran
All of Persia will be pumping their fists to cheer on their lone representative…except for the women, who are not allowed to go to the games…and president Ahmadinejad, who cannot set foot in Germany without being arrested. Holocaust denial remains an imprisonable crime in the Fatherland. Guess who’s not going to be there? If you answered rabid U.S. Soccer Fan David Duke, you’re only half right. Looks like Mahmoud and Khameni will have to settle for watching the spectacular failure of their team from the comforts of Tehran. Have fun, boys. Let me know when those Jew bombs start falling!
Of course one should take care to separate the team from the regime. The Shia Strikers have a Croatian coach and five German Bundesliga players. One of them, midfielder Ferydoon Zandi, even plays for my hometown club in Kaiserslautern. I wish not to spew venomous vitriol at a multi-lingual group with Fatherland roots. Nevertheless, those with German eligibility are representing the WRONG side. My feelings are adequately conveyed in a zinger I exchanged with Ferydoon himself.
Peter: Knock, Knock
Ferydoon: Who’s there?
Peter: Ayatollah
Ferydoon: Ayatollah who?
Peter: Aya-toll-ah to get the FUCK OUT OF MY TOURNAMENT!
Editor’s retroactive notes:
One should continue to draw an important distinction between team and regime. Although the Iranians failed to qualify for the 2010 World Cup, the players in the qualifying rounds strapped on green wristbands in support of the “Where is my vote?” uprising. This salient factoid, along with the verifiable truth, documented above, that Israel was threatened to bomb Iran back in 2006, forces me to now prattle out a rant.
WARNING: Totally unrelated wonkish interlude.
Ahem. NO ONE IS GOING TO BOMB IRAN. Everyone got that? What is wrong with our discourse on this subject? Has everyone lost their mind? Back in 2006 Olmert, Livni, and Petertz expressed worry over the “point of no return”(enrichment capacity). Six years later the central talking point of Netanyahu and Barak is the “zone of immunity.”(the construction of an impenetrable underground bunker in Qom) Meanwhile, all credible N.I.E.’s have been broadly consistent: Iran keeps its options open with weapons grade enrichment while maintaining no discernable weapons program.
Unlike the Sorties against Syria and Iraq, tactical constraints and incomplete intelligence preclude the Israelis from conducting surgical strikes within the country. A pre-emptive military option entails enormous risk, particularly considering the vast terrain and the likelihood of as of yet undiscovered sites mean the chances of successfully hitting the right facilities are dubious at best. Lethal espionage, industrial sabotage, vice-grip sanctions that have rendered the Rial essentially worthless, and the slow choking off of the country’s oil exports have all worked reasonable well.
Have we mentioned that there exists enormous discord between the rival factions within the Guardian Council? Internal politics is a mess and the greens will rise again as the country’s economy descends further. The West is supposed to risk everything with a belligerent show of force that will give the weakened Regime an excuse to rally its disaffected population? NO ONE IS GOING TO BOMB IRAN. Let it go, people. When will we learn that we’ve been talking about an option that has technically been off the table for over six years? Let it go.
There we are, gentlemen. Nothing to worry about. Your friendly bookie didn’t pursue a career in Geo-Politics. The world is safe from him. Everyone can rest easy tonight knowing that Vicey won’t be making any major decisions.
“Riffs of the Day”—Day Fifteen
Reader: Can we get some sort of quick-reference index on which of these female players are gay?
Vicey: Might be less work if I compiled a list of those who aren’t, 111-M
Reader: Okay…Telemundo is allowed to have a sideline reporter.
Vicey: I concur, 35-M. We’ll make an exception in this case. It’s like Spanish weathergirls. One half of the continent can have them. The other half doesn’t need them
Reader: Nicolas Lodeiro is a dramatic douche.
Vicey: Correct. I also would have accepted “diving diva”.
DAY SIXTEEN—PREVIEW
Two sets of Lines set to drop right after this comparatively weak daily. Bookie also won’t roll any lines until they’re published.
Deutschland vs. Nigeria
vs. 
An upset here probably won’t break the bookie’s heart…but don’t blow up the phone just in case.
THE LINE: Deutschland +2 Goals (debuting)
Norway vs. Australia
vs. 
Our “upset special” of the round. Ironically enough, we’re backing the “implosion candidates”.
THE LINE: Norway +1 Goal (debuting)
Congo DR vs. Uganda
vs. 
Not the strongest start for Africa. Maybe this one can get us going.
THE LINE: Congo DR +2 Goals (holding)
Nigeria vs. Burundi
vs. 
Welcome back, boys. Quite the doubleheader for Nigeria fans. Super Eagles and Super Falcons all on one day. Yes good goddamn sir.
THE LINE: Nigeria +3 Goals (holding)
Guinea vs. Madagascar
vs. 
Bookie won’t be skipping this one. You might like to.
THE LINE: Guinea +2 Goals (holding)
Brazil vs. Peru
vs. 
Switch over to Bolivia vs. Venezuela if this one shows signs of being a snoozer.
THE LINE: Brazil +1 Goal (debuting)
Bolivia vs. Venezuela
vs. 
If all else fails, switch over to the U.S. Men’s team’s match against Trinidad and Tobago. Bookie can now name SIX whole guys on that team.
THE LINE: Pick em' (debuting)
GENTLEMEN, ENTER YOUR WAGERS
