Servus Syndicate Members,
Enough speculation. Time to watch the girls play. Jetzt geht’s los! Kick back and let the ladies entertain you. Still debating whether or not it’s worth losing yourself in this Summer’s festivities? You’re more than welcome to explore the alternative.
On the one hand, your friendly bookie cordially invites you to a blissful season of friends and football. Conversely, the President wishes to piss you off with a with a bunch of looney proclamations about shit he’ll never actually get around to implementing. Totally your prerogative.
Wherever you find yourself as the great international gala commences, a cozy place to watch football and meet some cool new people shouldn’t be too far away. The comprehensive preview sections ensure that all of you are officially the most female-footballing-literate goofballs out there. Go forth and spread your irreverence. If you really can't find a place to catch the matches, give the bookie a ring. That’s what he’s here for. You’ll never watch alone!
As always, it’s been a great pleasure to re-connect with Syndicate brethren in the lead-up to this year’s merriment. To be perfectly honest, bookie finds himself a bit bummed that (thus far) he’s the only member of this small society bummed about the upcoming demise of iTunes. Following some pre-tournament conversations with a few of you rouges, I suppose I’m not prepared to drop my basic point: Cancel your subscription to the goddamned music streaming service!
Don’t get your friendly bookie wrong. Not against progress. He isn’t a caveman who hoards VHS tapes, extols the virtue of warped cassette tracks, and still carries a flip-phone in his pocket. Don’t confuse me with David Cross’s “Dylan” character from Mr. Show. Progress must be embraced. It’s “progress” disguised as piss-poor algorithmic marketing that I stand against.
Own your media. Actively try to discover new things by letting the tangible and physical surprise you. When one goes to an actual library or bookstore to peruse random books, one invariably happens across something you wouldn’t have considered reading before. The same applies to music and films. As inherently annoying as the fucking iTunes store is, you could still convert your own music files in your collection via borrowed, checked out, or purchased physical media.
No more. Now a primitive data algorithm tells you what music you really want to hear, just like autocomplete software tries to finish your fucking words for you, your news-feed is customized based on your browser history, social media tells you who you should be friends with, all your shows and movies are pushed up into your queue by the streaming service that knows you intimately, whatever online shopping you’ve done guides you toward the products you definitely want, and your e-mail inbox even reads your messages and selects responses for you.
Duh. How long before the brain implants? Everyone’s surely getting tired of the inconvenience of thinking for themselves for as much as five whole minutes per day. This business of not necessarily knowing what I want to do, say, or enjoy immediately is taking up valuable time that could be spent dulling my mind with whatever cheaply-produced Netflix Serial I’ve been told to watch!
How pissed about this development is your bookie? I’ve dug up the corpse of Steve Jobs to serve as guest in helping me present these lines. Even he once spoke out against an Apple Streaming Service, saying people would want to own their own choices!
He was actually quite pissed about being roused from his eternal slumber. This may prove an ill-omen for these lines. Maybe we should have invited “Dylan” instead. Oh well. That does it for the last-remaining non-football-related rant. Off we go!
Friday, June 7th
France vs. South Korea
vs. 
History awaits. Experience the full glory of women’s football, together with a full 50,000 capacity crowd at PSG’s Parc des Princes. Rest assured that any lingering concerns you may have about the overall quality of the women’s game will be addressed. All remaining doubters of shall be silenced.
Your friendly bookie invites you to actually write out a list of potential aspects you anticipate will be second-rate. Think women don’t have the power to unleash long-range efforts? Eugenie Le Sommer, Amandine Henry, and Gaethine Thiney will surely have something to say about that. Afraid you may not see brilliant first touches and clinquant crosses? Just you watch Moon Mi-Ra and Cho So-Hun.
Expect to see a slower game? Okay. Bookie concedes that women’s football can be a notch slower than the men’s game. We need to openly state that reality. These girls will nevertheless run their hearts out for you. Moreover, it’s not nearly as unhurried as you might think. The women remain highly-conditioned world class athletes who will keep you engaged.
The opening fixture itself is a highly intriguing re-match of the 2015 Round-of-16 encounter in which les Bleaus made short work of Yoon Deok-yeo’s squad 3-nil. Marie Laure-Delie and Elodie Thomis essentially had it all sewn up in the 9th minute with their early goals. A horrible match for Taeguk Nanja, exemplified by keeper Kim Jung-Mi writhing on the deck after getting capriciously hit on both sides of the face in separate incidents.
The Korean coach has a much better squad this time around and the defensive line will not fold so easily. Bookie sets a low line for what could be a high-scoring affair if we get off on the right foot.
THE LINE: France +1 Goal
Deutschland vs. China PR
vs. 
Expecting a stellar debut from the Mädels in match that appears to break their way tactically. Chinese manager Jia Xiuquan’s final cuts didn’t alter the bookie’s appraisal of the squad’s strength. I maintain that this year’s incarnation of the Steel Roses possesses enough talent to contest for their first title. It's the best eleven since the 1999 run to the final.
Somehow I’m not overtly concerned that the midfield should have trouble absorbing either Yang Li or Li Ying. Gwinn, Huth, and Maroszan have enough tackling ability to snuff out most of the forward momentum before it turns into a promising attack. Note that this aplomb owes much to the projected tactical makeup. Hao Wei shocked us all four years ago by deploying Wang Shansan at striker and Wang Lisi on the wing.
Irrespective of whatever surprises the new coach has in store for us, the Steel Roses look to be outmatched at just about every position. It may take some time to break them down and it’s unlikely to be a very pretty win. You’ll all nevertheless know where to find your friendly bookie come Saturday morning. Try not to over-spam the phone this time, brothers.
THE LINE: Die Nationalelf +1 Goal
Spain vs. South Africa
vs. 
Who will be the first Spanish Senora to take advantage of the wobbly South African back line and a keeper on shaky ground? Bookie will take prop bets if you’d care to get technical early. In any event, Janine van Wyk and Nothando Vilakazi are about to get swarmed by the likes of Meseguer, Sampedro, Putellas, Losado, and Hermoso.
There isn’t another matchup in this first round that looks to be so disastrous on paper. The manner in which these two formations line-up against one another resembles an indecent act that even some of the kinkier Germans might find uncouth. We might even see some Vilda trot out the tyros as he’s in no danger of losing here.
Bookie expects pride will carry the Banyana for a short time. Most of the players will rush back to help their overwhelmed defenders. The elastic strand will snap somewhere near the end of the first half. We shouldn’t see a total rout. Feel free to skip the second 45 as it’ll be all backward ball possession.
THE LINE: Spain +3 Goals
Norway vs. Nigeria
vs. 
Alright. Are we ready for our first upset special? Those who read the initial group prognostication knew this one was coming. Those remaining unconvinced that the Norwegians are poised for a downfall would do well to take advantage of this one. The Super Falcons have a fabulous opportunity to dig their talons in deep. A high-energy start from the “O-Ordnance” can put this one to bed quickly.
Dennerby knows precisely what it will take to pick the Grasshoppers apart. Speed and vigor always trumps an uncertain tactical system. Knock them down early enough and they’ll be too punch drunk to stagger back into a stance. We’re all in for quite the treat; perhaps something akin to the Senegalese upset of the French in the 2002 WM, only with the added perk of Norwegian pleated hair braids.
As is often the case, the bookie stakes quite a bit on one of his African teams. Knock him down early should you think he’s being too amorous. I happen to believe that this one has “Button” written all over it. Bookie hits.
UPSET ALERT
THE LINE: Nigeria +1 Goal
Sunday, June 9th
Australia vs. Italy
vs. 
Worth setting your alarm for if you haven’t yet seen Samantha Kerr in action. She should have no problem carrying her amazing late form into this tournament. We’ll presage at the very least a brace for the Aussie captain, who has cleverly disguised her abilities in the misleading pre-tournament friendlies. She should be leading the race for the Golden Boot by the end of this one.
Prepared for this one, Philly Contingent? Bookie knows you’ve been patiently waiting for your turn to strike back. The bookie himself has been waiting even longer, still stewing over that godawful match in Kaiserslautern in the 2006 WM’s Round of 16. Fabio Grosso’s “clever-play” was a trademark late-match “wop-flop”.
Yes, I still remember that. It was one of the many ways in which the Italians cheated their way to a world championship on German soil. Think YOU have been waiting a long time? Bet against the man with an encyclopedic memory at your own risk.
THE LINE: Australia +2 Goals
Brazil vs. Jamaica
vs. 
Marta makes her bid for history. She can pad her Women’s World Cup goal-scoring record here against the debutantes. Acutely aware that this will constitute her best opportunity to raise her ceiling, she won't hold back. We should witness some blissfully beautiful football here as there’s little chance the Jamaican ringers will be in much of a groove yet. The Samba Queens shall have plenty of space to exploit.
Re-visiting my assessment of the Reggae Girlz, I’m willing to consider the possibility that the forecast of an absolute disaster might have been a tad harsh. They have enough talent to finish strong with an overall serviceable showing. It remains doubtful that they’ll be ready to present something cogent just yet.
If anything this line might be too low. Get your bets in early as the bookie reserves the right to roil it upwards.
THE LINE: Brazil +3 Goals
England vs. Scotland
vs. 
The 6-0 thrashing from the 2017 Euros won’t be repeated. These two countries literally just met with essentially the same group of players. Kerr will get her tactics right this time. We’ll presage a tight, defensive encounter capped by a late winner from the anointed favorites. This works to Phil Neville’s advantage. Few will see the Lionesses as contenders after they eke out a modest victory in the first round. They’ll wake up later.
Probably looking forward to this one more than anything other initial group stage fixture that doesn’t involve the U.S. or Germany. Such a fantastic rivalry. If it were the men’s teams squaring off against one another, the bookie wouldn’t be nearly as excited. All we’d get there would be an ultra-physical “clog-slog”.
Don’t miss out on the Sunday evening night cap. Finish up your weekend projects around the house in time to watch this one in full.
THE LINE: England +1 Goal
Monday, June 10th
Argentina vs. Japan
vs. 
Don’t see any way the Albiceleste can buck the historical trend here. The Argentines enter their third Women’s WM searching for their only their third goal in seven total matches. Perhaps they’ll score one here, but it’ll be a rout nonetheless. Iwabuchi will run roughshod over their inexperienced defense.
Not exactly a stern test for the new-look Nadeshiko. Tactic-lovers will appreciate the opportunity to see how Takakura puts together her squad. She’s played it very close to the vest in pre-tournament friendlies. We’ll get a good look at her bid for a deep tournament run in this one.
With a bit of luck we might also get to see these two nations face off in the Copa America Quarterfinals later in the month. Such a fantastic Summer of football in store!
THE LINE: Japan +3 Goals
Canada vs. Cameroon
vs. 
Time to find out what players like Jeannette Yango, Ajara Nchout, and Madeline Ngono Mani are truly made of. Of course, your friendly bookie will be keeping a very close eye on Gaele Enganamouit. Those of you following since the preview sections know that the strongest African side from 2015 struggles mightily under a hitherto unknown coach and declining form.
Though they won’t pull off a stunning upset here, one expects a legitimate statement from the Lady Lions here. They shall not be dominated. They will hold their own against one of the best teams in the world….or so your friendly bookie avers.
Take advantage of the low line if you’re feeling the handicap reflects nothing more than the bookie’s flagrant bias toward Dark Continent sides. We’ve been here numerous times. You all know how it works. Your call, gentlemen.
THE LINE: Canada +1 Goal
Tuesday, June 11th
New Zealand vs. the Netherlands
vs. 
Our first of many FWM 2015 rematches. Roger Reijner’s Leeuwinnen squeaked by the Kiwis 1-0 in Edmonton four years ago thanks to a Lieke Martens goal just after the half hour mark. It would be fair to classify that opening round match as something of a letdown. Two dangerous 4-3-3 formations should have produced a goal-fest. Instead, they cancelled one another out and we got a dud.
Much has changed over the last four years. Dutch stars who merely hinted at their potential in that match have now matured and flourished. By contrast, we’re likely dealing with the worst incarnation of the Football Ferns we’ve ever witnessed.
The Kiwis demonstrate a propensity to earn group stage draws, but they’re not getting one here. Either Martens or Miedema with a Hat Trick. This one won't be a runaway, but it won’t be competitive either.
THE LINE: The Netherlands +2 Goals
Chile vs. Sweden
vs. 
Lucky, lucky Swedes. Their stock shall rise after they best the debutantes here. One might even hope to see some interesting lateral play. Bookie actually sees this one finishing with a far tighter scoreline than the yawning gap in talent might suggest. Chilean keeper Endler can rush out to meet an oncoming rush so narrow she’ll likely be able to see it develop from miles away.
Tune into this one if you’d like to scout the other U.S. Group opponents…or just take your friendly bookie at his word that the U.S. won’t be troubled by either one of these teams. Bookie may have to dust off the Football Apologist’s Handbook as we might even have our best candidate for a goalless draw here.
Yawn. Boring Blaugults.
THE LINE: Sweden +1 Goal
USA vs. Thailand
vs. 
Are you ready, America? Prepare to behold just how herculean the U.S. Ladies are. Pity the poor Thais for having to debut against this juggernaut. The USWNT may score four or five goals just to get warmed up. Half the team can lay back in the defensive half of the pitch and leisurely pass around a pack of American Spirits. This one is already over before the opening whistle.
It literally won’t take more than four or five minutes before the net bulges. Bookie advises those who have to work to stream the game live whilst on the job. Should your boss get pissy with you for watching football on the company clock, simply say “I just wanted to watch the U.S. Women beat the Thais. It’ll only take a couple minutes.”
Three goals inside the first ten minutes and you’re back on the job. Catch the highlights later. No significant disruption to your day.
THE LINE: USA +4 Goals
GENTLEMEN, ENTER YOUR WAGERS
