Your “Syndicate Hangover” is proudly presented by “Perrier”
Your friendly bookie remains more of a San Pellegrino man, but we’ll accord the hosts some respect for their second-rate club soda. Along with La Croix, it’s an acceptable option when the only other alternative happens to be Seltzer Water.
Day 2: Recap
Bookie’s Stats—
Spread: 2-2
Straight up: 3-1-0
So much for the “Tip Special”. Thomas Dennerby happens to be one lucky son of a bitch. Were this not a German Match-Day, your friendly bookie would gladly devote an entire tactical breakdown segment to how poorly coached the Nigerians are. All that talent squandered by a trainer who doesn’t even let his girls defend. Perhaps we’ll have a diatribe about that in the near future.
Go ahead and take your selfie, girls. Guess you’re not a good “implosion team” candidate after all. Instead of upbraiding Dennerby, I’ll congratulate you on succeeding without upbraids…or Ada. There goes the upset special.
Time for the German analysis.
S.S.S. Tactical Breakdown
Well…your friendly bookie certainly warned you it wouldn’t be a particularly pretty match. A highly physical Chinese side mostly hung back took deliberate aim at all the ailing German stars. Loads of aggressive challenges. I’m surprised we only saw four yellow cards. In the end it unfolded almost exactly as predicted. Eventually the Mädels were able to break the “back-eight” defensive line. Voss-Tecklenburg’s system worked….from about the 70thminute onwards.
None of this is to suggest that this debut actually deserves to be classified as a “football match”. Your friendly bookie’s beloved Nationalelf were extremely lucky to escape with three points. Had Wang Shuang been in the starting lineup, the Chinese would have gone up 1-0 on that breakaway the 14th minute. They could have then easily doubled their advantage shortly before the half. The goalpost spared us abject humiliation.
Lineup—Deutschland—PROJECTED (4-2-3-1) (5/26/2019)
Alexandra Popp
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Sara Däbritz Dzsenifer Marozsan Melanie Leupholz
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Giulia Gwinn Svenja Huth
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Sara Doorsoun Leonie Maier
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Lena Gößling Vernena Schwers
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Almuth Schult
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Lineup—Deutschland—Match One (4-5-1) (6/8/2019)
Alexandra Popp
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Svenja Huth Melanie Leupholz Giulia Gwinn
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Dzsenifer Marozsan Sara Däbritz
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Carolin Simon Kathrin Hendrich
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Marina Hegering Sara Doorsoun
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Almuth Schult
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A versatile enough 4-5-1 with plenty of rotation. During attacking spells, Leupholz dropped all the way back to the fourth axis, ceding central control to either Däbritz or Maroszan whilst Huth and Gwinn moved up to form a sort of 5-2-3 geared toward finding Popp in the center. To my eyes it looked as if Gwinn actually started on the left, but switched fields with Huth early on. The pair swapped flank roles a few more times over the course of the 90, but mostly remained on the sides you see above.
Entering this tournament, the most significant cause for concern was the new shape of the back line. We really had little clue as to who the centerbacks would be and if this newly-built unit could hold a reliable line. Bookie put it this way in the Group B Preview Post:
In truth it’s the defense that generates more worry . Babett Peter’s retirement means the last of the dependable old guard has left the building. Teams often struggle to keep their shape when on the cusp of a new cycle at the back. Assignments get blown. Lapses are commonplace. Exploitable lanes abound. The men’s opening group stage game against Mexico last Summer comes to mind.
As it became clear in the final pre-tournament friendly that Doorsoun and Hegering would be the centerbacks, bookie winced in trepidation. A natural winger and a 29-year-old with three international caps? It made no sense. What sort of desperate move was this? What we witnessed on the pitch today qualified as fairly desperate indeed. An atrocious first half from Doorsoun. Three awful giveaways and a total inability to hustle back to her position.
Hegering and Hendrich weren’t much better on the marking. Flailing wayward boots from both of them in lieu of real challenges. Maroszan and Leupholz didn’t appear to know where the hell they were supposed to be. Däbritz looked completely confused too. Following her fine snipe that didn’t miss by much in the 3rd, she was heinously bad on both sides of the ball.
The whole machine shut down shortly before the half-hour mark. Gwinn and Huth ran perhaps a bit too hard in the early charges. With the only two bright spots fully enervated, we saw nothing of note for a long fifteen-minute stretch. I personally wrote some checks to catch up on my monthly bills. Such a game wasn’t worth keeping too close an eye on.
Somewhat unsure as to what to make of Lena Oberdorf’s introduction at the restart. It kind of looked as if Doorsoun and Däbritz swung out to the left while Marozsan and Leupholz joined the 17-year-old in playing centerback-by-committee, but don’t quote me. Whenever the Germans play mundane football, the more creative pundits attempt to dress it up as “Teutonically Methodical”. Wasn’t much of a method insofar as I could discern. Describe it as Teutonic if you must. It’s a fabulous catchall adjective that means absolutely nothing.
Magull for Leupholz in the 63rdat least got the midfield moving. The change didn’t truly have anything to do with Giula Gwinn’s goal three minutes later. Deft control and an expert finish from the 19-year-old from the Bodensee. She earned that goal, even if Yang Li’s attempt at a block was pretty pathetic and keeper Peng Shimeng was heavily screened.
Gwinn constituted quite the bright spot. Others acquire less than stellar marks. Schüller came on too late for an evaluation.
Grades—Deutschland (Match One)
Giulia Gwinn
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A
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Almuth Schult
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A
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Svenja Huth
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A
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Alexandra Popp
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B+
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Lena Oberdorf
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B
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Lina Magull
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B
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Sara Däbritz
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B
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Dzsenifer Marozsan
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B-
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Carolin Simon
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C+
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Melaniue Leupholz
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C
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Marina Hegering
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C-
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Kathrin Hendrich
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D+
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Sara Doorsoun
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D
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Much improved play from Däbritz and Marozsan in the second half. Leupholz’s assessment might seem a might harsh, but I didn’t like her flagrantly dirty foul shortly before she was subbed off. Doorsoun and Henrich recovered somewhat, but those giveaways and whiffs were simply too egregious.
Popp didn’t appear to be in poor form or seriously injured. She was simply very well marked and harried by the Chinese defense. Huth was also well defended. It was simply too hard for her to untwist herself. Some unlucky bounces on well-executed set piece plays, but this observer found most of the short corners too intricately designed anyway. Nice to see that Voss-Tecklenburg spends time on that element of her squad’s training, but she needs to get to work on the basics of her selection.
I’d be most surprised to see the same defensive configuration on Wednesday. Gößling, Schwers, Elsig, or possibly all three will get the go. There must be something up with Maier. It doesn’t appear she’s done anything to lose her starting right-back position. If any of the midfielders appears likely to get the axe, it’ll definitely be Leupholz. This team has no need of a forward decoy. Schüler could even start in her place.
Some commentators claim the Germans are simply taking their time to slyly “grow into” this tournament. Bookie isn’t buying that. We heard the same thing last Summer. People simply have a hard time accepting the fact that German football finds itself in decline. It’s always thought to be some grand rope-a-dope conspiracy. Any moment now the real “Slim Saxons” will stand up, put one of those fingers on each hand up, and be proud to be out of their mind and into control…and one more time I’m telling you “no.”
As I wrote in the Preview Section, the Quarterfinals would count as an unexpected accomplishment. At present I’m worried about getting out of the group.
Weighing in on VAR
What’s with the Nothando Vilakazi penalty in the 81st of Spain vs. South Africa?
VAR finds itself 0-2 in my personal opinion. In a highly divisive decision, a VAR control room consisting of two men and one woman observed what can only be described as a vicious kick directly to Lucy Garcia’s…er…look…as hard as I’ve tried to run a less crass syndicate, there’s no beating around the bush here.
How can one beat around the bush, when the bush is at the center of the debate? Gracia got cleated straight in the vagina.
South African defender Nothando Vilakazi was merely trying to clear the ball and was even falling backward. Gracia inadvertently walked straight into the boot. It was a total accident. Absolutely not a penalty. The male video assistant referees (and commentators) determined that there had been a deliberate “thrust” into the vagina. Of course they would ; (
Take a look at the photo and see for yourself.
Villakazi is clearly falling backward and Gracia isn’t looking at where’s she going! Somehow, the male VAR officials convinced the female referee that there had been a thrust. Studio commentators emphasized a “studs-up thrust.” There was no thrust. All this technology and we can’t actually get a call right because WE’RE NOT ACTUALLY LOOKING AT THE PLAY.
We’re looking at the vagina…….and wanting to see a “thrust”.
VAR has some work to do before winning me back over.
“Riffs of the Day”—Day Two
Reader: Thoughts on the cancellation of the FIFA Confederations Cup?
Vicey: Considering it might be the last title the Germans win for a while, I’m rather disappointed. What’s with this Club FIFA World Cup anyway? Has anyone even watched this competition? I can’t name one single winner of this tournament. Never cared. We already have a Club World Cup. It’s called the UEFA Champions League. River Plate and Corinthians can play in a Western Hemisphere CONCACAF-CONMEBOL Champions League. I’d watch that. I’m not watching the Club World Cup.
Reader: Could have done without the Julie Ertz almonds commercial, Vicey.
Vicey: Agreed, 116-M Don’t put a woman that good looking in a phanny pack.
Reader: What is the real story with Ada Hegerberg?
Vicey: No one really knows. She’s pissed with federation about something, but she might just be pissed that they didn’t even ask if she wanted to come back. Hard to know a woman’s mind. Keep waiting on this promised interview that never seems to air.
Reader: Gracia took one straight to the landing strip.
Vicey: Et tu, 133-M? How is it that you happen to know her grooming preferences? She’s way out of your league…and mine.
Reader: Why is Giulia Gwinn flicking her long hair back and pouring water on the back of her neck so hot?
Vicey: Hold on, let me check. Yep. She’s legal. 19-years-of-age. You’re in the clear, 54-M. Have to be careful in this tournament as there are a lot of teenagers.
Reader: UEFA Nation’s League Final Line?
Vicey: Oh for fuck’s sake, 23-M. It may not have been the best day of women’s football, but you will learn to respect the ladies. I’ll allow it.
Sunday
Portugal vs. the Netherlands
vs. 
Another trophy for Cristiano. Most likely his last.
THE LINE: Portugal +1 Goal
Reader: FIFA U-20 World Cup Quarterfinals Line?
Vicey: No! Absolutely not! You should count yourself lucky that I didn’t let you bet on the States anyway. And just so you know, we’re absolutely not doing CONCACF Gold Cup Group Stage. Don’t care about Guyana and Panama. I almost hope you lose to Trinidad and Tobago again so that you realize the only American team worth giving a shit about remains the women.
DAY THREE--PREVIEW
Australia vs. Italy
vs. 
Enough wagers on both sides to keep the line steady. Get up early to see Sam Kerr. She’s awesome.
THE LINE: Australia +2 Goals (holding)
Brazil vs. Jamaica
vs. 
Move over Norway, we’ve a brand new implosion candidate. Marta has been ruled out, right after she talked down all of her teammates, calling them the worst squad she’s ever been on. Uh oh. The Reggae Girlz might be able to take advantage of this disarray. They’ve certainly performed better than expected in the pre-tournament tests.
We must remember that the Samba Queens haven’t won in nearly a calendar year. Bookie rolls down his line furiously.
THE LINE: Brazil +1 Goal (rolling down hard from Brazil +3)
England vs. Scotland
vs. 
The one you really won’t want to miss. Bookie got it wrong on the “implosion” team. Let’s see how his anointed favorites fare.
THE LINE: England +1 Goal (holding)
GENTLEMEN, ENTER YOUR WAGERS
