Day 13: Recap
Record—
Spread: 6-19
Straight up: 10-10-5
Er…..A little help over here Navigators? Trying to set a
reasonably lucrative spread in these parts. All of you bout’ to make me lose my
mind…up in here…up in here. No serious financial calamity to report. Like DMX,
I’ve been through “mad” different phrases before comfortably coming out in the
black. Nevertheless, congratulations to all of you who picked the Czechs to
beat the two-goal spread. Quite the gambling oddity as Ronaldo and Co. failed
to get a second out of that brutal second half onslaught.
The Navigators outshot Narodak 20-2. C. Ronaldo twice turned
some slick tricks into clanks off the aluminum. Moutinho, Almeida, Nani, and
Joao Pereira all either forced Cech to bring out his best or were millimeters
away. Raul Meireles skied THREE excellent chances that, as the trailer, he
could have easily beaten the whole outfield with. To add soul-crushing insult
to career-ending injury, Cech came forward to serve as an extra body in the 87th
–one minute after I lost a Peckhart prop bet—and the Navigators had
nearly five minutes to simply loft another goal into an empty net. Tsk tsk. Had
I not won every other prop bet, a shirtless bookie would currently be sipping
coffee garnished by his own salty tears.
Thoroughly dominant fixture from the Navigators, who look frighteningly
capable of plowing their way all the way through to finals. Teams typically
average about 7 km of distance during an evenly contested match. The Portuguese
covered over 11 km with constant possession, passing sequences of five links or
more, and a schmoove tempo that got nearly everyone on the ball. Christ, were
they good. C. Ronaldo played his best match all year. The lubricious son of a
bitch slipped through and past everyone as if he had that oleaginous hair gel
on his feet.
Hot Girl Standings---
Country
|
Tally
|
Games
Played
|
Ukraine
|
101
|
3 (finished)
|
Poland
|
51
|
3 (finished)
|
Sweden
|
49
|
3 (finished)
|
Spain
|
46
|
3
|
Ireland
|
44
|
3 (finished)
|
France
|
44
|
3
|
Portugal
|
38
|
4
|
Russia
|
32
|
3 (finished)
|
Greece
|
31
|
3
|
England
|
26
|
3
|
Germany
|
25
|
3
|
Croatia
|
22
|
3 (finished)
|
Italy
|
21
|
3
|
Netherlands
|
21
|
3 (finished)
|
Czech Republic
|
20
|
4 (finished)
|
Denmark
|
15
|
3 (finished)
|
After getting off to an atrocious start, the Czechs
gradually recovered to move out of the cellar. The French no longer carry the
dubious distinction of finishing dead last. This year the Danes receive the
anti-honor. Apologies to my precious peninsulars for the way things shook out
empirically. As your friendly bookie is always fond of saying, that’s just how
the cookie gets totally stomped on and obliterated.
Fine showing for our Portuguese pets. The disproportionately
influential sliver of Iberian coastline remains a land 10 million strong, but
they’re always outnumbered in the stadium. Fortunately our cameramen were up to
the task, picking out the maroon pockets quite deftly.
Editor’s
retroactive notes:
How the Portuguese found 38 Hot Girls
through four rounds continues to defy logic.
Ramble
On, Vicey.
--Outmanned and under the gun, one just sensed that Michal
Bilek would try to pull of something risky and unexpected. We got it in the
form of an inaugural international cap for twenty-one-year old Vladimir Darida.
The audacious move nearly reaped dividends as the surprisingly swift Czechs got
the better of early play. Darida came within a hair of setting up Baros with a
crisp cross in the 17th. Had the former Merseyside striker been a
few years younger –and hence faster- the Czechs might have been off to an early
lead. Excellent choice.
--Whilst the Navigators took time to find their footing,
Sivok also needed just a few more inches to connect with a Gebre Selassie cross
in the 2nd and Thomas Hübschmann tried his hand at some nifty lateral moves to
consternating success. Pepe went full spread to cut him down in the 27th.
Within five minutes any speculation of Czech shocker would be squelching by
Ronaldo’s breathtaking bicycle. He was in the mood and there would be no
stopping him. Difficult to fathom that the Czechs were not, in fact, D.O.A. in
this one. It took thirty solid minutes for the Portuguese to realize that
Ronaldo was being quadruple teamed and the rest of the team could be found wide
open.
--The Czechs call Petr Jiracek the “hairy angel”. I do
believe “Jesus Lebowski” is a superior designation.
Editor’s
retroactive notes:
Who hasn’t met a “Jesus Lebowski” in their life? There’s
a “Dude” in every last classroom, work environment, and extended household.
--How concerned should we be about the Postiga injury?
Doubtful it will even slow them down a notch. Hugo Almeida appears every bit
the player he was during his Bremen days. He can fill those center forward
boots quite readily.
Editor’s
retroactive notes:
The Postiga injury ended up costing the Navigators a
place in the finals ; (
--Should Spain win as anticipated on Saturday, we’ll be
treated to these hideously ugly Portuguese alternates once more. Ech. Only the
Krauts should be allowed to wear white.
Editor’s
retroactive notes:
Nothing wrong with obsessing over uniforms. ABSOLUTELY
NOTHING!
--Hate to come down on Howard Webb (one of UEFA’s most reliable
stalwarts), but the booking of Nani in the 26th was beyond
egregious. Mutual jostling meant he should have just let it go. A rattled Nani
then miffed chanced in the 37th and 43rd. He also failed
to spot Mountinho wide open on the left flank in the 41st. More
centering failures in the 74th and 76th. At least it
wasn’t a total nightmare for Pierluigi Jr. The booking of Veloso in the 27th
was correct and he fairly resisted awarding any penalties on 50-50s.
--An overall above average game for Joao Pereira. Still
NEVER want to see a corner like the one in the 20th? In back of the
net? Even I, notoriously awful on corners, have never managed that.
--Total camera shots of Luis Figo in the stands: 23,823.
Dammit. I know the Portuguese don’t travel well, but how many times did we need
to see that greaseball?
--Decent ideas from Moutinho, Meireles, Pereira, Nani,
Coentrao, and Veloso all game long. A superhuman save from Nani on the right
flank in the 52nd along with a spiffy little shake-and-bake in the
68th. A torpedo on frame from Moutinho in the 63rd.
Impeccable timing from Almeida in the 46th, 64th, and the
77th.even if his final touch was off. Skys from Meirless in the 55th,
74th, and 86th. Just wasn’t the day or an otherwise
perfect trailer.
--Did Ronaldo deserve to look straight into the camera and
dust off his Lou Ferigno impression? Hell yes. What an amazing night. To
document his slickness fully.
1) 24th – A commanding set-piece bender that
skirted around the wall and within two feet of the back of the net
2) 26th – Ronaldo takes on EIGHT defenders,
sweeping past six of them before being out tackled
3) 32nd – The infamous bicycle. Spotting an
unclaimed floater, he patiently timed his leap for full contact.
4) 34th – Another laser of a set piece blazed
past a four man wall.
5) 46th – Ronaldo chests down a precise cross,
controlling it off the volley and firing off a 180-degree turn. Sadly, the
three consecutive marvelous moves conclude with a strike of the post.
6) 48th – Two minutes after the restart, he picks
up right where he left of. Another set-piece scorcher (this time from a good 30
yards out) zips past the wall and Cech to strike the right post.
7) 53rd – He’s within inches again, one touching
a Nani delivery past Cech…but also less than a foot past goal
8) 79th – What a finish. From outside the 18 he
senses that Moutinho’s cross will end up being just a smidgen too high for
Almeida. He then sprints into the penalty area to direct a vicious header
downward. The effort turns out to be so emphatic that it bounces off the ground
and nearly bursts through the top of the net.
9) 85th – What an exquisite dance around Kadlec.
That, my friends, is how one turns a trick!
One can scarcely hope for much better of an evening. I’d
give him an “A+++”, but that would just be kitschy.
Grades--
Portugal
Christiano Ronaldo
|
A+
|
Joao Moutinho
|
A+
|
Pepe
|
A+
|
Joao Pereira
|
A+
|
Hugo Almeida
|
A
|
Nani
|
A
|
Rui Patricio
|
A
|
Fabio Coentrao
|
A
|
Miguel Veloso
|
B+
|
Bruno Alves
|
B+
|
Raul Meireles
|
C+
|
No marks for Postiga, who really never factored in. Ditto
for late substitutions Rolando and Custodio, who were mere clock eaters. Seems
slightly absurd to assign marks to Rui Patricio, who was essentially a
spectator throughout. He still kept his positioning and averted any howlers on
the two Czech chances.
Czech
Republic
Vladimir Darida
|
A+
|
Petr Cech
|
A
|
Thomas Hübschman
|
A-
|
Jan Rezek
|
A-
|
Petr Jiracek
|
B+
|
David Limbersky
|
B+
|
Vaclav Pilar
|
B
|
Thomas Gebre Selassie
|
B-
|
Michal Kadlec
|
C
|
Jaroslav Plaisil
|
C
|
Thomas Sivok
|
C-
|
Milan Baros
|
D
|
No assessment of that prop bet spoiler Peckhart! Truly a
phenomenal job by Darida in Rosicky’s place. He’s surely earned a spot on this
team for years to come. Rezek did an admirable job as well. Poor Kadlec
succumbed to the high expectations familial hype. I think we may all agree that
the Milan Baros era should come to an unceremonious close.
Editor’s
retroactive notes:
The Peckhart substitution ended up costing me $60!! I’m
telling you, Syndicate Members….might as well try your luck.
--Matchday in the Fatherland, syndicate brothers. The
sunshine beckons….
