WM 2014--Day Fifteen Recap

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Day 15: Recap

Record—

Spread: 14-34

Straight up: 20-19-9

Hot Girl Standings

Country	Tally	Games Played
Brazil	112	3
Netherlands	96	3
Argentina	90	3
Costa Rica	79	3
France	76	3
Columbia	74	3
Japan	66	3 (finished)
USA	65	3
South Korea	65	3 (finished)
Germany	64	3
Australia	63	3 (finished)
Nigeria	61	3
Mexico	59	3
Bosnia & H	59	3 (finished)
Spain	58	3 (finished)
Belgium	55	3
Ecuador	53	3 (finished)
Ghana	52	3 (finished)
Greece	50	3
Cote d’Ivoire	49	3 (finished)
Chile	43	3
Russia	41	3 (finished)
Italy	39	3 (finished)
Honduras	37	3 (finished)
Switzerland	35	3
Croatia	33	3 (finished)
Cameroon	32	3 (finished)
Portugal	31	3 (finished)
Uruguay	30	3
England	29	3 (finished)
Iran	26	3 (finished)
Algeria	24	3

Guten Morgen Syndicate Members,

Ah yes….nice night for a drive yesterday evening, no? Balmy yet breezy. Time to drop that top and hit the streets. Take her out for a spin! Pound that car horn like it owes you money. Wave those flags like you just took a castle. Scream the name of your country like it’s a forbidden chant (which in the case of the Germans, it actually is).

Yes indeed. Your friendly bookie “took her out for a spin” last night. If you’re still unclear on the definition of that expression, refer to the “Day Five Recap”

http://shadow-scholar-syndicate.blogspot.de/2014/06/wm-2014-day-five-recap.html

An important note to the drinkers out there: If you must insist on having a beer or two during the match, it’s vitally important that you cushion your system with 2-3 Döner Kebabs beforehand. If you happen to live in the States….Falafel will do, though it’s really not the same. Actually, eating 2-3 Döner Kebabs (or Falafel if you must insist on a poor substitute) is highly advisable for any absent-minded academics out there like myself. Occasionally, one can go a couple of days without eating. One just forgets. Give your body a much-needed 2400-3000 Calories with a “Gorge-fest-Über-Dose”. You’ll feel sooo much better. Trust me.

Indeed, we are happy Krauts this morning. Nevertheless, the post match celebrations last night (including and especially the “spin”) were somewhat subdued. The match….er….actually wasn’t that good. What a shame. The encounter played out in rainy Recife was mostly devoid of quality offensive chances. You’ll see below that both teams earned poor marks from your friendly bookie for what was a pretty boring fixture. Tsk Tsk. So much for all the hype. ; ( ; (

I have much higher hopes for next summer’s FIFA Women’s World Cup. The ladies won’t let us down. With a bit of luck we’ll get to do this all again when Germany squares off against the States next Summer. The German women got upset by the Japs in 2011 Women’s World Cup (as the Americans later did too) and we were all deprived of what was sure to be a very entertaining fixture. Fingers crossed that won’t happen again.

But, so what Vicey? Didn’t you make a killing on the pre-line bets and didn’t both nations advance to the Round of 16. Yes, but….I’m still a little disappointed. ; ( Even Germany’s sleaziest tabloid (die Bildzeitung) failed to come up with a decent Headline Riff this morning. Your friendly bookie was all excited to snap a shot of some top rate wit! Instead, he got a story about some poor Schmuck who popped too many Viagras and had to have both his leg and penis amputated.

Okay….quick rambling break here. WHAT? NO!! What the hell kind of story was this!?! Do I really need to know about this guy?!? For that matter….does ANYONE really need to know about this guy!?! I’m familiar with the journalistic maxim that “if it bleeds, it leads”…but this goes TOO FAR!! I can’t be expected to start my day with THIS! We all already know to seek immediate help for an erection lasting more than fours. Evidently, this poor schmuck didn’t get the memo. That’s suddenly now MY PROBLEM? He didn’t address his lingering erection, so I HAVE TO LOSE MY MORNING ONE?!?

This is fucking inexcusable even by Bild-Zeitung-Standards. So the match last night was a little lame….think of SOMETHING. Men buy the Bild Zeitung to start their day with at least one picture of at least one nude female model….and you guys go with the CASTRATION PIECE? Why the hell did this lout even agree to be featured in the story in the first place? Sympathy? Fuck sympathy. He doesn’t need your fucking sympathy. He needs his…Johnson! So do I….what a terrible way to start the day. ; ( ; (

 

Rambling break over. It’s time to “draw it up”. If you’re still unclear on the meaning of that expression, refer to the “Day Eleven Recap”:

http://shadow-scholar-syndicate.blogspot.de/2014/06/wm-2014-day-eleven-recap.html

Let’s “draw it up”.

 LINEUP—USA (Match One)—4-3-1-2 

Clint Dempsey  Jozy Altidore

Michael Bradley

Jermaine Jones Alejandro Bedoya

Kyle Beckerman

D. Beasley M. Besler G. Cameron F. Johnson

Tim Howard

 LINEUP—USA (Match Two)—4-2-3-1 

Clint Dempsey

Graham Zusi         Alejandro Bedoya

Michael Bradley

Jermaine Jones    K. Beckerman

D. Beasley   M. Besler  G. Cameron F. Johnson

Tim Howard

  

 LINEUP—USA (Match Three)—4-2-3-1 

Clint Dempsey

Brad Davis         Graham Zusi

Michael Bradley

Kyle Beckerman    Jermaine Jones

D. Beasley   M. Besler  O. Gonzalez F. Johnson

Tim Howard

Klinsmann again kept Julian Green on the bench, suggesting he has very little interest in starting him this tournament. If there were a time to introduce him, it would have been against the Germans last night. Instead, he moved Zusi over to right and started 32-year-old Houston Dynamo midfielder Brad Davis in place of the ineffective Alejandro Bedoya. To my eyes, it appeared as if he flipped Beckerman and Jermaine Jones, but that’s only a guess. Omar Gonzalez took the place of Geoff Cameron, possibly because the taller defender was considered a better aerial competitor to Müller.

Davis played a rather uninspiring 59 minutes before he was subbed out for Bedoya. Bedoya was similarly ineffective and was lucky not to be booked after some awfully dirty fouls. Christ do you guys really miss Landon Donovan. There doesn’t appear to be a solution.

 Beckerman was booked and was lucky not to have been thrown off after a playing a completely shitty match punctuated by some very late challenges. If Klinsi really flipped them, don’t expect him to do so again.

Gonzalez actually played quite well. He was great on the 50-50s against Klose and made some crucial sliding tackles early on and after the restart. Cameron didn’t necessarily play badly in his two starts, so Klinsi’s choice for right centerback remains a topic of great intrigue. One more note since we’re discussing the back four. My choice, DeAndre Yelin, was substituted in far too late to be a factor of any sort.

Here are my grades:

 GRADES—USA (Match One) 

Clint Dempsey	A+
John Anthony Brooks	A+
Michael Bradley	A
Kyle Beckerman	A
Jermaine Jones	A-
Demarcus Beasley	B
Geoff Cameron	B-
Fabian Johnson	B-
Tim Howard	B-
Alejandro Bedoya	C+
Matt Besler	C-
Aron Johannsson	D+
Jozy Altidore	D+

 GRADES—USA (Match Two) 

Jermaine Jones	A+
Clint Dempsey	A+
DeAndre Yelin	A+
Tim Howard	A+
Graham Zusi	A
Michael Bradley	A
Kyle Beckerman	B+
Demarcus Beasley	B
Matt Besler	B-
Geoff Cameron	B-
Fabian Johnson	C+
Alejandro Bedoya	D

 GRADES—USA (Match Three) 

Jermaine Jones	B+
Omar Gonzalez	B+
Tim Howard	B
Graham Zusi	B-
Matt Besler	C+
Demarcus Beasley	C+
Michael Bradley	C
Clint Dempsey	C-
Fabian Johnson	C-
Alejandro Bedoya	D
Brad Davis	D-
Kyle Beckerman	F

Pretty poor marks all around. Even worse, not much we can do about it. There’s simply no solution for Donovan’s absence in midfield….unless. It’s not too late to give Julian Green the start! I know I’m biased. Moreover, it’s all falling on deaf ears. You’ve tried every other option short of Diskerud….and it hasn’t worked!

Otherwise, it’s obvious that Tuesdays clash with Belgium will be competitive. Dempsey and Bradley WILL play better. Problems in the defense can easily be ameliorated with the introduction of J.A. Brooks or DeAndre Yelin. Chandler remains available too. Besler is another one who just had an “off night”. Expect him to come back swinging.

Onwards to the Fatherland…

 LINEUP—Deutschland (Match One)—4-1-2-3 

Thomas Müller

Mario Götze         Meshut Özil

Sami Khedira   Toni Kroos

Phillip Lahm

B. Höwedes M. Hummels P. Mertesacker J. Boateng

Manuel Neuer

 LINEUP—Deutschland (Match Two)—4-3-2-1 

Thomas Müller

Mario Götze         Meshut Özil

Sami Khedira  Phillip Lahm Toni Kroos

J. Boateng                                 B. Höwedes

M. Hummels  P. Mertesacker

Manuel Neuer

 LINEUP—Deutschland (Match Three) 4-3-3 

Thomas Müller

Lukas Podolski       Meshut Özil

Phillip Lahm

Bastian Schweinsteiger Toni Kroos

B. Höwedes M. Hummels P. Mertesacker J. Boateng

Manuel Neuer

Back to the classic 4-3-3, as everyone and their mother predicted. Löw stuck with Özil on the right, but dropped Götze in favor of Poldi on the left. Interesting move. Even more surprising, he kept Lahm in midfield!! He even appeared to serve as the “anchoring striker” last night. Weird. We all know of Lahm’s keen eye for goal, but he possesses neither the height nor the speed to be a target!! The recovered Schweinsteiger got the start in place of Khedira, who himself was said to suffer from a minor injury. Kroos and the entire back four retained their shape, though it looked to me like Boateng and Höwedes had been flipped. Boateng, also rumored to be injured, was another surprise start.

The tactics actually didn’t work very well at all. Özil and Podolski struggled to get the lateral game up and running. Lahm had another thoroughly lousy game. Schweine didn’t do that badly, but Kroos once again underachieved. Boateng looked a tick better on the right. Mertesacker and Hummels more or less kept their form. Höwedes looked outclassed the whole damn night. Klose did well in place of Podolski. Götze and Schürrle were substituted in too late to make much of a difference.

Here are my grades:

 GRADES—Deutschland (Match One) 

Thomas Müller	A+
Matt Hummels	A+
Meshut Özil	A
Sami Khedira	A
Toni Kroos	A-
Jerome Boateng	B+
Per Mertesacker	B+
Benedict Höwedes	B
Manuel Neuer	B
Phillip Lahm	B-
Mario Götze	C+

 GRADES—Deutschland (Match Two) 

Miroslav Klose	A+
Bastian Schweinsteiger	A+
Matt Hummels	A
Manuel Neuer	B+
Per Mertesacker	B
Thomas Müller	B
Benedikt Höwedes	B-
Jerome Boateng	C+
Toni Kroos	C
Sami Khedira	C
Mario Götze	C
Meshut Özil	D
Phillip Lahm	D
Shkodran Mustafi	F

 

 GRADES—Deutschland (Match Three) 

Thomas Müller	A
Manuel Neuer	B+
Bastian Schweinsteiger	B+
Miroslav Klose	B
Matt Hummels	B
Per Mertesacker	B
Jerome Boateng	B-
Lucas Podolski	C+
Meshut Özil	C-
Benedict Höwedes	D
Toni Kroos	D
Phillip Lahm	D-

Once again, fairly poor marks all around for a fairly poor match. WHY IS LAHM STILL IN THE MIDFIELD? I thought we were done with this four-centerback approach!?! Perhaps Löw was just plying it safe against his former boss. Expect Lahm to be back in place of Höwedes next match, or he’ll take Boateng’s place with Durm getting the start.

Schweine looks to take over for Khedira in midfield permanently unless Löw elects to bench Kroos (which he might). Poldi didn’t show enough to take over for Götze on a more permanent basis. Löw might give Schürrle a shot at that position. That is, if Schürrle isn’t already slated to take over for Özil.

Müller and the two centerbacks appear completely safe. Beyond that, expect some re-jiggering.

Onwards to the goodbyes…..

Goodbyes Section

Portugal—“The Navigators”

 

-3 Games Played

-4 Goals Scored

-31 Hot Girls

Quite effort ol’ C. Ronaldo left us with last night. By this I mean an ACTUAL Goal, NOT a new haircut. His 80^th minute goal still looks rather flukish, but he played an all-around great fixture. He tore up the right flank before unleashing an astonishingly beautiful looping effort from forty yards out that hit the crossbar. He bent in one of his specialties on frame, delivered a powerful header that knocked Dauda back, and supplied us with at least three breathtaking crosses. If only they hadn’t been inauspiciously placed in the Group of Death. ; ( ; (

Ronaldo remains centerpiece of this team’s future and it is thus with serious trepidation that we all keep an eye on his recently-developed tendonitis. Should this affliction turn out to be full-blown tendinotis, Ronaldo may never be the same. “The Football Jesus” is but 29-years-old. With a clean bill of health he could continue to astound for a minimum of three to four more years.

If the condition becomes chronic, it will constitute huge loss for football as a whole. There really isn’t a player on the planet right now that’s completely capable of filling his boots. Messi and Neymar are filthy, filthy little dribblers, but they can't match his technical mastery off of set-pieces. We wish “CR-7” a speedy recovery.

The future looks pretty bleak, even if qualifying for Euro 2016 is practically a forgone conclusion. Fabio Coentrao looks to be out long term. Moutinho, Veloso, and Raul Merieles continue to cool. Bruno Alves, Pepe, Hugo Almeida, and Helder Postiga all ponder retirement. The road back begins September 17^th, 2014 against Albania. Who knows what this squad will look like or if they’ll have a new head coach.

Ghana—“The Black Stars”

-3 Games Played

-4 Goals Scored

-52 Hot Girls

First the Good news: Asamoah Gyan officially became the highest African World Cup scorer yesterday! He also beat out Ronaldo for the title of “Best Narcissistic Haircut. Now the misery: This team is in deep shit. It happened again, everyone. Another embarrassing African Implosion on the Grand Stage ; ( ;(

Your friendly bookie remains a spry “Africa Enthusiast”….but he doesn’t recommend that anyone else actively try to become one. ; ( These teams tear your heart out. Another fucking squabble over the World Cup Bonuses, which other countries have no problems immediately paying their players. Of course they weren’t paid out on time! The GFA finally got its act together and shipped duffel bags of cash to the team on the day of their elimination. This, in turn, undeservedly made the players look like assholes and pictures of them kissing their wads went viral.

 

Kevin Prince Boateng and Sulley Muntari have been permanently kicked off the team after verbally accosting coach James Kwesi-Appiah on the training ground. At least that’s what we’re led to believe. They’ll certainly never play again so long as Appiah is coach, but who knows when the whimsical GFA will opt to dispose of him. The Black Stars return to action on September 6^th against either Uganda or Equatorial Guinea in 2015 African Cup of Nations Qualifying. After that cakewalk, they have to fend off Togo in order to keep their qualifying hopes alive.

South Korea—“The Taeguk Warriors”

 

-3 Games Played

-3 Goals Scored

-65 Hot Girls

Out with a whimper, our “Tigers of Asia” just played embarrassingly bad last night. They couldn’t get it done against the Belgian reserves, who were even reduced to ten men after the first half. Yuck. For some reason, Hong Myung-Bo started neither Ji Don-Wong nor Chu Young Park. He capitulated before kickoff. On the topic of capitulation, Heung Min-Son made virtually no enterprising runs forward, Kim Young-Gwon and Hong Geung-Ho were slacker than a giant’s flaccid dick at the back, and Kim Seung-Gyu eventually gave the game away with that woeful parry.

What the hell was I thinking picking this team to advance out of the group? Let this be a lesson to everyone: Never pick with your heart. One can surround oneself with three feet high stacks of player/preview guides like me. One can literally waste hours a day drawing up formations and researching positional form. At the end of a long day (with an ice cold beer at the pub beckoning you), sometimes one simply lapses. One allows a loose collection of fond memories to sway your selection.

This bookie had fond memories of this team’s historic run to the Quarterfinals as co-hosts back in 2002. He remembered nearly breaking his television screen when the Swiss unfairly slipped past them thanks to an atrocious officiating error in 2006. He remembered how much heart they showed when upsetting the Greeks to get out of the Group in 2010. Okay…..maybe there were a few fond memories of South Korean girls mixed in there as well ; (

This team sucks. I still see them getting to the 2015 Asian Cup Semifinals, but that’s only because their road in that tournament features laughable opposition such as Kuwait, Oman, Uzbekistan, and Saudi Arabia……for fuck’s sake man!

Russia—“The Ruskies”

-3 Games Played

-2 Goals Scored

-41 Hot Girls

Care to know how much Fabio Capello makes? This bookie wouldn’t mind getting a concrete figure either. All we truly know out of the secretive Potemkin Kingdom is that he’s the highest paid Russian coach ever and the highest paid coach at this World Cup. Capello was hand selected after his controversial resignation from the English National Team to be “The Special One” who would lead Russia into their much-anticipated 2018

Tournament as “hosts with the most”.

He’s not going anywhere. His contract runs through that tournament and the RFU wants the long-term presence of a high profile name. Of course, should the Ruskies fail to qualify for Euro 2016, they’ll have no choice but to shitcan him. Is this possible? One must say that it’s unlikely, given that the European Championship is expanding from 16 teams to 24. Nevertheless, they find themselves in a tough group with Sweden and the resurgent Austrians. A potential playoff against the Romanians looms large.

In any event, consider the “Trappatoni Tenet” proven. A team comprised entirely of domestic league players doesn’t work. Berzetuski, Ingashevich, and Kerzhakov all need to go bye-bye now. After a promising early start, they showed their true colors…and their age.

“Riffs of the Day”—Day Fifteen

 

Reader: I’ve got it Vicey!! Your blog is like a verbose version of those Panini Sticker Albums!

Vicey: I’m going to take that one as a compliment. I LOVE the Panini Sticker Albums!! Er…does anyone want one as part of their “Schwag Pack”? 

(Female) Reader: Jogi Löw looks even sexier in the rain.

Vicey: THANK YOU, Syndicate Member 2-F. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. Thank you for bringing this up. I’ve been meaning to broach this topic for years. As a fallible and incomplete male, I MUST HAVE an explanation for this phenomenon.

“Why do women find rain-drenched men attractive?”

(alternately stated)

“What is it that turns women on about soaked men?”

It’s true. I swear to you it’s true! This happens. This REALLY happens. You take a walk in a rainstorm with your girl and she suddenly turns to you with piercingly passionate eyes and says,

“You look good wet!”

You get out of the shower and hardly have time to towel off your scrotum before she’s all over you. WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? I merely wish to understand. I’ve read through “Das Feuchgebiet” AND “Vagina: The Unauthorized Biography” and that just rendered me even more clueless. Do we glow? Release Pheromones?

I MUST KNOW. Want me to stop doing the “Hot Girl Standings”? Provide me a satisfactory explanation and they’re done forever. Promise!

(American) Reader:  …your boys don’t look so hot either.

Vicey: Yeah….yeah…you still owe me fifty bucks. Syndicate Member 76-M was one of FOUR members who just couldn’t wait to bet on their team. They couldn’t wait for me to release the Round Four Lines. No patience. They had to bet on America RIGHT NOW!! FOOLS. If you had just waited a few hours you could have taken the LINE!! (Germany +1). Then the bet would have been a tie! No, no, no.

“I’m betting X dollars on the U.S. to win or draw”.

FOOLS! You just lost money you didn’t need to! Next time, show some patience. This isn’t Nam. There are rules!

 

For those keeping track, that’s the second Lebowski reference of the day.

DAY SIXTEEN--PREVIEW

Point of Clarification.

PROGRAMMING NOTE.

PAY ATTENTION!

PROGRAMMING NOTE.

Your friendly bookie wishes to release lines for all eight Round of 16 matches in one post. The last time he managed this was back in 2002. In 2006, I split it up into two parts. In 2010, I split it up into four. This makes for easier reading and gambling. The only problem is that we must adhere to the rule of allowing bettors across the globe approximately 24 hours to mull over their picks.

The Round of 16 (and Day 16) begins on Saturday Night. Hence, I’m releasing debut lines for the first two matches while continuing to work on the other six. All the standard rules apply. These lines are subject to roll IMMEDIATELY after their publication, so get your picks time-stamped via the usual channels. All other lines, in addition to the Prop bets, are not subject to roll until their completion and publication early tomorrow.

Alles klar? Let’s go. 

Brazil vs. Chile

  vs. 

IMMENSELY difficult task for Neymar & Co. Scolari’s men looked impressive against Cameroon. Nevertheless…..it was Cameroon. The red-hot tamales constitute the Cinderella Pick for roughly half of the oddsmaking community. (The other half gravitating toward Costa Rica).

We’ll debut a line that reflects respect for the host fan base and see where it rolls from there.

THE LINE: Brazil +1 Goal  (debuting)

Columbia vs. Uruguay

 vs. 

Without Suarez…..I’m sorry the difference is NIGHT and DAY. I don’t care how good Cavani can be, this team cannot operate without their Talisman. By contrast, the Coffee Growers adjusted to life without Radamel Falcao without skipping a beat. Jackson Martinez and James Rodriguez overcome a Maxi Pereira set-piece strike.

THE LINE:  Columbia +1 Goal  (debuting)

Gentlemen, Enter Your Wagers