Grüß Members,
A brief programming note:
Although the Group Stages of the World Cup are divided into
three rounds, your friendly bookie traditionally divides them into four. Why?
Because keeping up with the fast-paced schedule of a 32-team tournament necessitates
it. One cannot set lines for teams one hasn't seen. So it has always been. In
2002 and 2006 we cleaved up the Group Stages into Four Rounds. In 2010, we even
further divided the Fourth Round in four parts.
Some complain that this isn’t as neat, clean, and
straightforward as the Continental Championships. All this bookie can say in
defense is that such tournaments exhibit considerably less “clusterfuckery”.
The Euros have a nice, easy to comprehend schedule in which four Groups
linearly advance through two match nights. This has NEVER been the case with
the World Cup. Not only do daily slates contain either 3 or 4 matches, the
groups don’t advance linearly. Kick-off-times are selected with various
international television audiences in mind.
That happens to be one distinguishing factor between our
“Ultimate Football Festival” and some of the more locally circumscribed
tournaments. It also happens to be the least important distinguishing factor.
Isn’t all of this grand? The entire globe is bumping to the same beat!! For
those craving stability and order, the Knockout Stages may suit you better. For
those finding themselves frazzled, I’ll attempt to offer some clarification.
The enclosed lines run through Monday evening. By that time,
two of the eight groups will be complete. Your “Round Four Lines” will cover
the completion of the remaining six groups. They’re due Monday evening,
approximately 24 hours before the first match. Your friendly bookie NEVER
misses deadlines. All potential bettors will have one whole day to consider
lines before they potentially begin to roll. Get your picks in early and you
won’t have to worry about them rolling at all.
Seasoned Syndicate Members understand this. Some newbies are
finding themselves a mite flummoxed. That’s okay. We’re still glad that you’re
here. With all of that being said, please welcome a special guest to help me
present the Round Three Lines.
Everyone please give a hand to world-renowned
astrophysicist, director of New York’s Hayden Planetarium, and host of the
greatest imaginative science-based program since the last one he hosted for
PBS’s “Nova”…..Neil deGrasse Tyson!
It’s Neil everyone. NEIL!
Neil very much wants you climb into “The ship of the
Imagination”. Come with him. Our journey is only just beginning.
SATURDAY—
Argentina
vs. Iran
vs. 
I’ll happily remind you that Messi is just getting started.
From WM 2014—Day Four Recap:
“For
all the talk of a soft Argentine opener, all you really need to make note of is
this: Messi got his goal. That’s all that matters. The curse is broken. He
scored only his second World Cup Goal, following a drought in 2010. He’s
primed, ready, and has much more in store for us.”
Many raise a perfectly legitimate point. Namely, isn’t it
wrong in this “Day & Age” to proclaim that a player has reached his peak at
the age of 26? With all the fixtures that players have to participate in,
shouldn’t a player truly reach his peak between the ages of 22 and 24.
I accept your criticism. Furthermore, I’ll acknowledge that
phenoms are discovered at a much younger age these days. How can they hope to
make the most of their natural skills when they’ve been subjected to a brutal
schedule since they were in their early teens?
That doesn’t mean my boy Messi is finished. A tepid debut is
just what the Dr. Guevara ordered. He’ll be fine and so will my favorites.
THE
LINE: Argentina +3 Goals
Have we been here before?
We haven’t gone there. Soon we will go there. The Caliphate
will get trampled. Yes, I went there.
Deutschland
vs. Ghana
vs. 
I’m not worried. I’m simply realistic.
From WM 2015—Day Five Recap:
Where
do we go from here? We chuck the entire match out and prepare for the next one.
That’s what Germans do. :) : ) A resounding 4-0 defeat is encouraging, but it
means nothing. We were lucky. I agree with the decision to send Pepe off, but
that really killed the match. From that point on the Fatherland couldn’t really
lose. Moreover, I don’t agree with the 12th minute penalty decision.
I don’t think Götze was fouled that hard. We shouldn’t have been awarded a spot
kick.
That’s just how we roll. The Black Stars still have a good
team. We didn’t see much of Essien or Kevin Prince Boateng as they were brought
on later as substitutions. Adomah, Agyemang-Badu, and Atsu still have their bit
to contribute as well. I don’t see my Mannschaft winning by more than one goal.
It’ll be a tight match mirroring the 2010 encounter.
THE
LINE: Mannschaft +1 Goal
Have we been here before?
It was four years ago. Following a shock loss to the Serbs,
it was unclear that the Mannschaft could make it out of the group. Your
friendly bookie was on pins and needles.
From WM 2010—Round Four (Part II):
Deutschland
vs. Ghana
vs.
Looks
as if the Porsche Engine has been downgraded to Volkswagen status, but I refuse
to believe we are suddenly driving an Opel. Die Mannschaft showed flashes of
brilliance against Serbia, even down a man. The loss of Klose and likely
benching of Podolski are blessings in disguise. They are nothing more than
washed up, talismanic figures. This match should afford Cacau and Özil an
opportunity to begin writing their own story. Badstuber simply must play better
if he wants a starting spot. Kheidira is on the verge of a top-ten goal. KEEP
MARIO GOMEZ AS FAR AWAY FROM THE PITCH AS POSSIBLE!
An
open letter to Joachim Löw:
Sehr
geehrter Herr Löw,
Endlich
fühle ich mich bereit, dich auf das Desaster des KSCs zu verzeihen. Meine
Versöhnlichkeit hängt aber noch von dem Ergebnis morgen ab. Die Mannschaft
bleibt die einzige Nationalentität, worauf die Deutschen sich verlassen können.
Einen Verlust schließen wir allen grundsätzliich aus! Falls die Deutschen
(darunter auch meinen beliebten Vater) ihre Weltmeistershaft nicht weiterhin
genießen könnten werde ich dich persönlich fürs Schuld halten. Ihre nächste
Anstellung wird sicherlich der neue KSC- Trainer sein. Wirdst du noch mal nach
Karlsruhe zurückkehren? Gut. Habe ich schon gewußt.
Bis
morgen,
Peter
THE
LINE: Mannschaft + 1 Goal
Editor’s
retroactive notes:
RESULT:
Germany 1, Ghana 0. Löw stuck with the 4-2-3-1, audaciously inserting Cacau as
lead striker. A splendid game of football turned in by both sides, who produced
non-stop offense throughout the proceedings. Before covering the fixture in
greater detail, I must harp on the kit selection for a sentence or two. The
“Black Stars” came out decking in their white kits, while the Germans wore
black. I’ve said a thousand times and feel compelled to press the point.
GERMANS SHOULD NEVER WEAR BLACK. NEIN, NEIN, NEIN!! What the fascist fuck was
the DFB thinking? This is horribly embarrassing for all of us. You can’t trot
out a team that resembles an “Army of Darkness”. WE WEAR WHITE! This is a NEW
pacifist Germany, innocent as driven snow. What sort of message do you think it sends to the world when
you field a team of Oberstürmführer? Nein, Herr Beckenbauer. NEIN, NEIN, NEIN!
(Bit of a Herman Cain impression there for the political junkies
Back
to the match. Cacau and Müller fired the first shots at Kingson inside of three
minutes. Kingson, who had an absolute dream of a game, held on to Cacau’s
rocket tightly and bravely ventured out of net to nab Müller’s cross out of
midair. At the other end, Lahm skillfully cleared an Asamoah Gyan header off
the line in the 10th, while Schweine astutely robbed Kwadoe Asamaoh
of a sure goal in the 13th. Schweine sprung Özil past the last-line
of defense in the 21st, and he had loads of space with only Kingson
to beat. The Wigan keeper confidently and fearlessly ran out to meet him,
defying the odds with a spectacular kick save. Moments later it was Neuer’s
turn to adventurously charge out and cut down a streaking Kwadoe Asamoah.
Despite this moment of brilliance, Kingson was the truly top-notch keeper. His
masterful performance continued with a full-stretch denial of Cacau from
point-blank range.
The
atmosphere was electric and the chances kept coming after the restart. Neuer
saved Gyan with an acrobatic sprawl. Kingson kept racing forward to punch out
any lateral swings attempted by Müller and Schweine. Finally in the 60th,
Müller decided to maintain possession on the right flank and engage in a bit of
dancing. He expertly split through the two Mensahs, and creatively rid himself
of Paintsil before linking up with a wide-open Özil just outside the area.
After taking a touch he slammed a firecracker that left Kingson without a
chance. Kingson would not lie down, however, again denying Cacau, Schweine, and
Khedira from range. The two Asamoahs came close to equalizing twice, but the
final half hour was mostly managed well by Mannschaft possession at the back.
After gaining the lead, the Krauts somehow dictated that the pace must be
slowed, no small task given hour hair-trigger the first hour had been. In the
end, the final whistle blew and both sides advanced. I would have been wholly
discontent had either one of them been forced to stay behind.
Nigeria
vs. Bosnia & Herzegovina
vs. 
I foresee another tight encounter. These teams remain evenly
matched, no matter how much time one wastes (in my case, 15 minutes) parsing
through their lineups. It just feels like a draw. I see Mikel and Emenike
combining for a goal on one side and Sphacic punting a long one forward for
Edin Dzeko on the other.
Bookie picks a draw.
THE
LINE: Pick em’
Have we been here before?
Impossible. Man, I loves me some B & H.
Sunday—
Belgium
vs. Russia
vs. 
The Rukies looked horribly uninspiring in their debut
against the Taeguk Warriors. I wrote that I was impressed with the respective
performances of Ingashevich and Berezutski…relatively speaking. It’s the
tyranny of low expectations.
Akinfeev’s howler was some of the worst goalkeeping you’ll
ever see. Pity that Capello doesn’t have Malafeev to fall back on like old
“Schwanz Befürworter” did. Expect Capello to bench Kokorin and give Dzagoev the
start. I wouldn’t be surprised to see Kerzhakov and Denisov and Kerzhakov get
the nod over Samedov and Zhirkov.
Expect changes from “De Rode Duivels” as well. Fellaini
should get the start over Chadli and Mertens might replace van Bruyne on the
right. Witsel, Dembele, and Lukaku are too important to drop. Capello’s
adjustments will make a difference, but not enough to make this one a pick.
THE
LINE: Belgium +1 Goal
Have we been here before?
All the way back to 2002. The LSU Computer Lab. Vicey’s red
convertible known as “Deo-Diablo”. “Miles the Cat”. The whole works. Now that
the scene is set:
Belgium vs. Russia
vs.
Half country vs. “Half Country”. The Russians will not be
denied. The “Ruskies” will go nuclear on this little plains bitch’s ass. I like
this Titov character. Though his name is conspicuously close to “Tito”, I trust
him. J
Kerzhakov is also a talent to behold.
THE LINE: Russia +2 Goals
Editor’s
retroactive notes:
Result: Belgium 3, Russia 2. Kerzhakov only showed up
after it was too late. The Belgians told us all to turn over and take it like a
man. Since then, the Belgians have continued to embarrass democracy in a way
that makes the Italians and Iraqis look good. Damn you, Red Devils. I would
abhor you with all my strength were it not for your name.
South
Korea vs. Algeria
vs. 
Head coach Hong Myung-Bo retained the unconventional “Pocket
4-2-2-2” formation I predicted, but played Kool Ja Cheol and Ki Sung-Yeung out
on the wing. It was likely worth it to give them a shot, but he might as well
move them in and move Heung Min-son and Chu Young-Park out wide.
I’ll stick with my pick of the “Red Devils of Antwerp” and
the “Red Devils of Asia” to advance out of this group…for now. The Desert Foxes
were lucky to get awarded that penalty in their opening match against Belgium
and I have significantly less faith in Halihodzic’s defensive overhauls after
watching the back four play.
Another late goal, possibly from a substitute, leaves the
Taeguks just shy of a Knockout Stage berth.
THE
LINE: South Korea +1 Goal
Have we been here before?
They missed one another by one group four years ago. No
overlap.
USA
vs. Portugal
vs. 
The ball is in your court, Yanks. The Navigators have sent
out the distress call. They’re seriously on the ropes, reeling from injury and
suspension. They’re poised to tank even harder than the Spanish. All you have
to do is “finish them”, Mortal-Kombat-Style. They sway and buck. FINISH THEM!!
Sink the listing ship. Fabio Coentrao is out injured. Pepe
is out on suspension. Miguel Veloso, Raul Meireles, and Nani genuinely look
like shit. Cristiano Ronaldo is rumored to be walking around with an ice pack
perpetually strapped to his knee. Even if this turns out to be nothing more
than hearsay, the Germans provided you with the perfect blueprint to shut him
down: Deploy four stay-at-home defenders and don’t concede set pieces. Hell,
Ronaldo looks in such poor form on set pieces at the moment that you might even
consider not worrying about it. Last time he couldn’t shoot past a wall of one.
In terms of the back four, I’d actually stick with Besler
even after his sluggish start. He’s the most reliable option you have in terms
of a defensive centerback. Beasley, Cameron, and Johnson can stay as well, with
Chandler and Brooks on the ready should there be any breakdowns.
Bedoya didn’t have the greatest match, but Brad Davis and
Mikkel Diskerrud aren’t real options in the midfield. You’ve no choice but to
stick with him. In terms of replacing Jozy, Johannsson didn’t do well in
relief. So….bring on Julian Green! This is a fantastic story in the making. The
nineteen-year-old tyro is ready…or let’s hope so.
The Navigators have no answers for their woes. They’ve just
lost their starting left fullback and their best centerback. With Joao Pereira
better suited to the right and Rui Costa looking very old and slow they’ve
got…..Zenit St. Petersburg’s Luis Neto and natural winger Silvestre Varela. Not
good.
FINISH THEM. Throw them into the pit. Taer their heads off
and shit down their necks. Book your passage to the Knockout Round and let’s
make this Germany vs. USA match a pleasant formality.
FINISH THEM! Dempsey, Green, and Dempsey again.
THE
LINE: USA +2 Goals
Have we been here before?
You have no excuse for not remembering this match, American
fans. This was the fixture that made your football program! Back to 2002 we go.
USA
vs. Portugal
vs.
Sorry,
U.S. Fans. You’re best team ever has no chance of overcoming the Navigators.
With a spot of luck, a draw might be in the cards. One finds it spectacularly
unfair that the U.S. is slotted to face off against this colossus. It’s not
your fault. Good Will Hunting, it’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s
not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault.
IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT!
THE LINE: Portugal +1 Goal
Editor’s
retroactive notes:
RESULT:
USA 3, Portugal 2. Hey U.S. Fans! Do you remember this game? Be not ashamed if
the answer is no. I’m prepared to help relive every last detail of the American
attack J The contest started off with an explosive strike
from John O’Brien. Already in the fourth minute he was prepared to demonstrate
to the world how this would be a different match. After some cautionary
possession from the Portuguese, Jeff Agoos stripped the ball from Costa. The
result was a corner kick from Earnie Stewart. Though McBride’s header was
denied, O’Brien pouched on the rebound to send it directly to the mesh. Later
Landon Donovan tried to place a cross. Costa wasn’t prepared for it and the
ball caromed of his shoulder into the net.
Bit of
a lucky break you say? Sure why not? J The Americans would prove they
deserved the win with their third goal. Tony Sanneh bent a cross so precise
that Brian McBride couldn’t have missed it if he tried. It was 3-0 America at
that point and the final result was a foregone conclusion. A lucky strike by
Beto and an own goal by Agoos made it closer. Keep in mind that Donovan’s carom
was only made possible by poor Portuguese defending. This was the match,
gentlemen. This was the determinate moment when U.S. Football ceased to be a
joke. June 5th 2002 should be a holiday. America needs more of
those.
Monday—
Australia
vs. Spain
vs. 
It’s farewell to the legends. Savor the moment as we won’t
see these players for another two years. Some we’ll never be seen again in the
Syndicate. Some are already finished for good.
Doubtful that Casillas starts this match. It’s only a
meaningless consolation game. Either Pepe or David de Gea will serve as del
Bosque’s #1. I’ll tip Pepe as he’s been waiting in the wings long enough. This
may very well be his final tournament. The same applies to Casillas. La Roja
will return in two years time with David da Gea in between the pipes.
Juanfran and Albiol should take over for Ramos and Pique.
Xavi will start in what will surely be his final meaningful international
match. Ditto Xavi Alonso, David Villa, and possibly Fernando Torres. We’ll get
ourselves a good look at Athletico’s Koke. He’ll anchor the next incarnation of
the national side along with Diego Costa.
Farewell my long-time friends. Goodbye most successful
international football club in the history of the planet. Very little precludes
them from exiting on a high note.
THE
LINE: Spain +2 Goals
Have we been here before?
Sadly, no…and ,thankfully, yes.
The
Netherlands vs. Chile
vs. 
An excruciatingly tough one to pick. The Dutch are cooling
and van Gaal trotted out the same starting eleven in both matches. Fatigue
becomes a factor. With first place in the group on the line, it’s unlikely that
van Gaal will deploy either Huntelaar or Kuyt. Either Depay or Blind will be
deputized for the injured Bruno Martens Indi.
Both teams are (to my eyes) playing with only three
defenders, so we can probably expect a gripping goal fest. What we don’t
anticipate for now is a result. The Dutch (surprisingly enough) maintain only a
razor-thin advantage over the Chileans in goal differential. They will thus
play to win. For now, however, the pick is a draw.
THE
LINE: Pick em’
Have we been here before?
No….and we’ll consider that a blessing of sorts ; )
Initial
Group Projection (5/29/2014)
1) Spain
2)
Netherlands
3) Chile
4)
Australia
Final
Group Projection (6/20/2014)
Straight
Up For Bookie
1)
Netherlands
2) Chile
3) Spain
4)
Australia
Cameroon
vs. Brazil
vs. 
Perhaps this is the reason the Brazilian fans weren’t
worried. They close the group stage against the undisputed worst team in the
tournament. Les Indomitables are in the midst of a meltdown of French
proportions. Alex Song is headed home after that patently stupid foul. Benoit
Assou-Ekotto and Benjamin Moukanjo got caught on camera having an ugly dust-up
late in the game. Ugh. They’re about to implode.
When things go wrong for an African team, they REALLY GO
WRONG. African teams are notoriously cliquish and there’s always invariably a
row over the World Cup Bonus. Scolari’s men should have no problem rolling over
these wounded birds. A perfect end to a piece-of-shit story.
As an Africa-enthusiast, I don’t believe I can bring myself
to watch.
THE
LINE: Brazil + 3 Goals
Have we been here before?
The two squads missed each other in 2002 and 2010.
Croatia
vs. Mexico
vs. 
The match of the tournament? Your bookie thinks so. Both
teams are peaking just in time for high stakes grudge match with the Round of
Sixteen on the Line. Herrera’s Heroes are flying high after their draw with
Brazil. Dos Santos would be contesting for the Golden Boot right now were it
not for those two disallowed goals. Peralta and Marquez are legitimate threats.
Chicharito as the late-game sub has the potential to tip the flow of any match.
The problem is that it’s just all too predictable. Ollic,
Perisic, and Modric continue their fine run of form. Mario Mandzukic ups his
value with that brace. One wonders whether or not Bayern will be able to afford
him after this tournament. Perhaps they can get Gomez back at a deep discount.
The Blazers blaze on. Time for the overachievers to step
down.
THE
LINE: Croatia +1 Goal
Have we been here before?
We have! These two were drawn together back in 2002. Here’s
your report, though there’s little of value in it other than some ruminations
on my car.
Croatia
vs. Mexico
vs.
I’m so
confident in the Mexicans, Ill wager my low-rider complete with custom clown
horn. Eastern Europe has yet to prove to me that they are capable of producing
anything other than peculiar odors. I’ve had to sit in classes with these
Croats. I swear the stench was so bad I had to spend two hours recuperating on
the Rhine. Ahh..the gentle breeze of Heidelberg.
THE LINE: Mexico+1 Goal
Editor’s
retroactive notes:
RESULT:
Mexico 1, Croatia 0. This match was sooooo bloody boring I went out for a
late-night drive in my sporty ’93 Blood Red Toyota Celica GT Convertible Coupe.
Ahh…youth. Such carefree days. Oh well. At least now I have a ‘87 Rustmobile
and a shitty job. Ever have the feeling that you should be marching in another
direction, soldier?
Initial
Group Projection (5/27/2014)
1)
Brazil
2)
Croatia
3)
Mexico
4)
Cameroon
Final
Group Projection (6/20/2014)
(2 to
1 odds for bookie)
1)
Brazil
2)
Croatia
3)
Mexico
4)
Cameroon
GENTLEMEN,
ENTER YOUR WAGERS
