Your “Syndicate Hangover” is proudly presented by
“Pißwasser Pils”
BITTE EIN PIß!!
Day 12: Recap
Record—
Spread: 10-26
Straight up: 16-14-6
Hot Girl
Standings
Country
|
Tally
|
Games
Played
|
Brazil
|
112
|
3
|
Netherlands
|
96
|
3
|
Costa Rica
|
64
|
2
|
Australia
|
63
|
3 (finished)
|
Argentina
|
61
|
2
|
Mexico
|
59
|
3
|
Spain
|
58
|
3 (finished)
|
France
|
58
|
2
|
Germany
|
47
|
2
|
South Korea
|
46
|
2
|
USA
|
45
|
2
|
Columbia
|
44
|
2
|
Chile
|
43
|
3
|
Ecuador
|
42
|
2
|
Japan
|
41
|
2
|
Belgium
|
40
|
2
|
Bosnia & H
|
36
|
2
|
Croatia
|
33
|
3 (finished)
|
Russia
|
32
|
2
|
Ghana
|
32
|
2
|
Cameroon
|
32
|
3 (finished)
|
Cote d’Ivoire
|
31
|
2
|
Nigeria
|
31
|
2
|
Honduras
|
25
|
2
|
Uruguay
|
24
|
2
|
England
|
24
|
2
|
Italy
|
24
|
2
|
Greece
|
22
|
2
|
Portugal
|
22
|
2
|
Switzerland
|
19
|
2
|
Iran
|
15
|
2
|
Algeria
|
12
|
2
|
Welcome to the Final part of the group Stage Syndicate
Members,
Aarrgh. Simultaneous matches. Time to dust off those
stashed-away “multitasking skills”. Fire up THREE Laptops along with the TV
screen. The TV is tuned into one game while the other two laptops stream the
other (as insurance in case one of the feeds gets scrambled). One uses the
third laptop to remain wired in and write future lines/installments. All the
while one also writes notes by hand and stays connected via Skype and cell
phone.
Whew. It’s not that your friendly bookie despises this phase
of the tournament. Simultaneous matches are needed to increase the suspense and
prevent teams from adjusting their play too much to the results transpiring in
the rest of the group. All the chaos also has it’s own charm. Having been doing
this for twelve years or so, it’s not even terribly difficult to concentrate
four or five things at once. One might even consider a friendly reminder that
one should go out to a Sports Bar or betting Parlor, where one can more
comfortably keep an eye on the action via multiple television screens.
Nevertheless, there’s this phenomenon know as “The
Completionist’s Soul.”. RPG Lovers know exactly what I’m talking about.
It begins with a sinking feeling of regret:
“Dammit!! I missed something!!”
Then you have to ask yourself the following question:
“Do I have to invest another 40-80 hours of my life playing
through this game again?!”
Maybe you couldn’t quite afford that diamond-encrusted
Excalibur Gun-Blade. For chrissake, it cost 450,000 credits! How the hell were
you supposed to have that much money so early in the game? You still walk out
of the town confident that later on you will have saved up enough money to
ensure that you’ve collected ALL the swords that your spiky-haired douche of a
hero character needs. Everything will be okay.
Then, an asteroid comes and reduces the town to a smoldering
pit with nasty bits in it. NOOOOOOOOO!! I must have that sword!! Surely the
programmers wouldn’t do this to me!! Oh but they did. They want you to play
though again after you beat the game.
“Dammit!! I missed something!!”
“Do I have to invest another 40-80 hours of my life?”
Perhaps you’ve just wasted the last 45 minutes of your
increasingly pathetic life making sure that you spoke to every non-playing
character in the “The Ice Village”. You figured it out. The first time you
speak to them they give you one piece of dialogue. The second time you speak to
them they’ll give you a different line. Aha, but there’s a catch. When talking
to most non-playing characters the third time, they’ll simply repeat the first
response. Special non-model characters, however, will give you a third totally
unique piece of dialogue should you speak to them thrice.
The “Ice Village Chief” certainly qualifies as a “non-model
character”. He was specially drawn! You felt comfortable advancing the game.
You left the “Ice Village” and went to the “Ice Cave” to slay the “Snowman
Monster” with that nifty little fire spell you picked up over in “The Flame
Kingdom”. Right after you kill him, you remember that you only spoke to the
“Ice Village Chief” twice. The first time you spoke to him he told you that the
village was in trouble. The second time he remarked that things haven’t been
the same since the “Snowman Monster” kidnapped the “Ice Princess” who
benevolently watched over the “Ice Tundra”. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
“Dammit!! I missed something!!”
“Do I have to invest another 40-80 hours of my life?”
You were trolling through a dungeon and came to a fork in
the tunnel. You take the right one, vowing to explore the left later. That’s
when the cave-in happens. NOOOOO!! You were so busy with the “Chocobo
Side-Quest” that you forgot the “Moogle Summoner Song” obtained from beating
that optional boss is only available BEFORE you complete Chapter 4. NOOOO!!!
You thought you collected all of the swimsuits. You really did. That’s why you
confidently saved your “clear data” over your last remaining memory card spot.
Pop in the sequel however and…….NOOOOO!!
And for the FF-VI Fans……You didn’t wait for Shadow. IT
WASN’T YOUR FAULT. Kefka’s airborne Super-continent was breaking up. Setzer’s
Airship was right there waiting. Pieces of Atma Weapon were about to rain upon
the World of Balance. You panicked!
You panicked. You were an eleven-year-old kid! HOW WERE YOU SUPPOSED TO
KNOW?
NOOOOOO!
SHAAADOOWW!!
NOOOOOO!
Alright enough. Advanced in technology allow your friendly
bookie to keep up with it all. DVRs and Broadband can take care of everything.
Furthermore, advances in memory card space take care of the completionists.
Just use 10-15 different save slots. Problem solved.
We’ll be moving the “Goodbye’s Section” to the Dailies at
the request of some very loyal gamblers who are reporting some very tired eyes.
For those who “actually quite enjoy reading Playboy Magazine for the Articles”,
you can find your Goodbyes Sections here…for this chapter of the Syndicate at
least.
Goodbyes
Section
Spain—“La
Furia Roja”
-3 Games Played
-4 Goals Scored
-58 Hot Girls
I really have no excuse for procrastinating as it pertains
to this section. I’ve known that our Conquistadors were out for nearly a week.
It’s simply hard….to say goodbye. I’ve not been out in the position of writing
a “Spanish Goodbyes Section” since 2006! I still can scarcely believe this is
happening!
Count me among those who had some tears to shed tears for
David Villa and Fernando Torres last night. In Villa’s case, what a fucking
fantastic note to end on! That back-heel goal challenges Robben’s diving header
for “The Goal of the Tournament” insofar as I’m concerned. Villa will not don
the National Trikot again. It’s curtains. He’s already announced his
retirement. Gracias, David. Thanks for 59 International Goals. Thanks
especially for Euro 2008. That was YOUR tournament.
Xavi Hernandez also hangs em up. Xavi Alonso hasn’t made a
decision yet, but I expect him to retire. One wonders if we’ll see Fernando
Torres or Andres Iniesta in two year’s time. One would think so, but we may
have witnessed Torres’s last bit of magic last night too. For full analysis of
what went wrong, refer to my Day Seven Recap:
As you can probably infer, I’d much rather discuss the
future. We’ve gotten a glimpse of what the next incarnation of La Roja will
look like: Diego Costa, Koke, and Cesar Azpilicueta. Jesus Navas will likely
recover from injury, while Llorente and Michu will likely recover their form.
Prospects from the youth squads include Athletico Bilbao’s
Iker Muniain, Liverpool’s Suso (out on loan in La Liga currently), and
Arsenal’s Hector Bellerin (out on loan in Football League One). One never knows
which of these guys will mature apace, but we do know that Spain will be
joining us in Euro 2016. They’re drawn in a not-so-challenging group where they
can expect only token opposition from Slovakia and the Ukraine. Until then,
Jugadores!
Australia—“The
Socceroos”
-3 Games Played
-3 Goals Scored
-63 Hot Girls
Entirely expected. I savored my final moments with
“Kaiserslautern KO” Timmy Cahill and Mark Bresciano in the second group stage
match. Newcomers who truly impressed include the afore-covered winger Mathew
Leckie and Utrecht’s Tommy Oar. It being far too soon to speculate whether or
not they can qualify for 2018, I will tell you that you can see them in action
as hosts of the “2015 Asian Cup.”
The Asian Football Confederation holds a four-year-cycle
Continental Championship just like the Europeans. Japan will defend its fourth
continental championship beginning on January 9th, 2015. Oh if only
the Syndicate had the resources to cover this tournament ; ( It looks to be a
great one. Japan, South Korea, and Australia are the clear favorites, but China
and Iran are well poised to be the Dark Horses. Iraq actually won the
Competition back in 2007. They could use a lift right about now. For the first
time ever, Palestine will compete. Yes, that’s right. PALESTINE! “The
Redeemers” Hell yes!
Your friendly bookie will be watching and might be persuaded
to take a few wagers, but there’s no way I can muster enough strength to cover
both the 2015 Asian Cup And the 2015 African Cup of Nations, which will be
taking place concurrently. Damn. Talk about the “Completionist Blues”. The AFC
Cup runs through the 26th. AFCON begins on January 17th.
“Dammit!! I missed something!!”
NOOOOOOOO!!!
Shadow? Where are you Shadow? Shadow!
SHAAAADOOOW!!!!
SHAAAADOOOW!!!!
Cameroon—“The
Indomitable Lions”
-3 Games Played
-1 Goal Scored
-32 Hot Girls
Ugh. Let’s just start over. Get Volker Finke out, gently
remind Samuel Eto’o that it’s time to turn in his cleats and bring in someone
who can properly work with Chuopo-Moting, Assou-Ekotto, Alex Song, and Nicolas
N’koulou. For that matter, consider giving Song the armband. Call Idrissou back
up, give Bagnak and Dongou a shot, and switch to a 4-5-2 formation that makes
the most of midfield generals like Makoun and Mbia.
In spite of the fact that they got stomped all over in this
tournament, this is still a promising football team. Plenty of reasons to
believe we’ll see them kick off with “CAN 2015” come January 17th.
Syndicate Members, MARK YOUR CALENDARS!!
Croatia—“The
Blazers”
-3 Games Played
-6 Goals Scored
-33 Hot Girls
Now this is a surprise. What the hell happened last night?
All the way up to Chicharito’s 82nd minute goal I was expecting them
to pull it out. Rakitic played well below his potential, starting with that
bizarre foul in the 9th. Ollic and Perisic mostly did their part,
but where the hell ere Modric and Mandzukic all night? They couldn’t even clean
up when Ochoa spilled ones for them.
I expected a great deal more from this team. Hell, I wrote
nearly three pages on them for the Group A Preview Section.
Hard to fathom that they’re headed home already. Oh well.
With no major stars retiring and a weak Euro 2016 Qualifying Group, it’s all
but certain we will catch up with them in two years time. The Blazers have been
a part of every major Syndicate Chapter (save 2010) since our inception.
They’ll be back.
LET
THE COUNTDOWN BEGIN!!!
Two
days remaining until the “Germany vs. USA” SHOWDOWN!!!
Immortal
foes on the football pitch. Inseparable allies for life off of it. American
Syndicate fans, you just have no idea how much fun this is going to be…for ALL
of us!
YOO-HOO!!
“Riffs of the Day”—Day Twelve
Reader:
Why are your lines always “rolling so hard”. Are they on XTC?
Vicey:
……and……ZING, 23-M!!
Reader:
Hi this is Jay Leno. I heard you were thinking about handing off the Syndicate
to a new host. Keep me in mind.
Vicey:
Bwahahahaha. 89-M, you are PRICELESS. I can just picture it now. Jay Leno runs
“Shadow Scholar Syndicate”
“Hey
folks. Did ya hear about this? Klinsmann changed the lineup! That’s hard for
most Americans since Obama promised, “If you like the American Soccer Team you
have, you can keep the American Soccer Team you have.”
a-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa
a-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa
DAY
THIRTEEN--PREVIEW
Three more teams to bite the dust in a short few hours.
Italy vs. Uruguay
vs. 
The Azzuri Faithful will be out on the streets tonight. Even
with a draw, they’re through
THE
LINE: Italy +2 Goals (rolling up from +1)
Costa Rica vs. England
vs. 
Word around the campfire is that Gerard had himself a
threesome after the Uruguay defeat. Good for him
THE
LINE: England +1 Goal (holding)
Japan vs. Columbia
vs. 
High stakes match. Should be a good one.
THE
LINE: Japan +1 Goal (rolling up from “pick em”)
Cote d’Ivoire vs. Greece
vs. 
Don’t let me down, Elephants. I still believe!!
THE
LINE: Cote d’Ivoire +1 Goal (holding)
GENTLEMEN,
ENTER YOUR WAGERS
