Saudacoes Syndicate Members,
Welcome to the “Knockout Phases”! Now it really takes off!
Er….hallo?
HALLO?
Is someone from the Axel Springer AG reading this? Doubtful.
It was just a coincidence. Our fiery hellcat (Syndicate member 2-F) still
turned out to be one prescient bitch. She called it from kilometers away. Kick
back and relax as your friendly bookie takes you through the Timeline:
1) Thursday, 19:45 in Central Europe
Syndicate Member 2-F sends in a riff. It reads as follows:
Syndicate
Member 2-F: Jogi Löw looks even sexier in the rain.
2) Thursday, 22:15 in Central Europe
Your friendly bookie reads the riff, and files it away for
potential “counter-riffing” in the subsequent day’s Daily.
3) Friday, 8:15 in Central Europe
Your friendly bookie selects the riff for publication and
begins work on the Daily.
4) Friday, 18:10 in Central Europe
After fending off numerous other obligations, your friendly
bookie completes his daily and begins work on dressing it up for publication.
5) Friday, 19:00 in Central Europe
You friendly bookie publishes the daily. The “counter-riff
section” reads as follows:
(Female)
Reader: Jogi Löw looks even sexier in the rain.
Vicey:
THANK YOU, Syndicate Member 2-F. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. Thank you for
bringing this up. I’ve been meaning to broach this topic for years. As a
fallible and incomplete male, I MUST HAVE an explanation for this phenomenon.
“Why
do women find rain-drenched men attractive?”
(alternately
stated)
“What
is it that turns women on about soaked men?”
It’s
true. I swear to you it’s true! This happens. This REALLY happens. You take a
walk in a rainstorm with your girl and she suddenly turns to you with
piercingly passionate eyes and says,
“You
look good wet!”
You
get out of the shower and hardly have time to towel off your scrotum before
she’s all over you. WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? I merely wish to understand. I’ve
read through “Das Feuchgebiet” AND “Vagina: The Unauthorized Biography” and
that just rendered me even more clueless. Do we glow? Release Pheromones?
I
MUST KNOW. Want me to stop doing the “Hot Girl Standings”? Provide me a
satisfactory explanation and they’re done forever. Promise!
5) Friday, 23:45 in Central Europe
Editor’s at the Axel Springer AG in Berlin put Saturday’s
edition of the “Bild-Zeitung” to bed.
6) Saturday, 2:00 in Central Europe
The Saturday version of the “Bild-Zeitung” rolls off the
presses.
7) Saturday, 5:00 in Central Europe
Distribution is now complete. Every Kiosk, Gas Station,
Newsstand, Bodega, and Train Station now has a freshly printed copy of
Saturday’s edition.
And……..
……
……
……
……
……
……
……
Un-fucking-believeable. She called it! Hahahahahahahaha.
Perhaps we’ve all been reading too many tabloids. For the record, I look
forward to completely forgetting about the Bild-Zeitung after the tournament is
over. With no more sports to cover, your friendly bookie will resume his work.
He’ll pick back up the Süddeutsche, FAZ, Welt, and “Die Zeit”. No more
sensationalist headlines. Just line after line of information-dense text.
That’s my job. That’s my world.
Incredible coincidence. On the offhand chance that someone
from the Axel Springer AG is reading this (and I put chances at about
0.000001%), you have nothing to fear from me. Syndicate Member 2-F is a
different matter entirely. Don’t fuck with her! She’s not only a fiery hellcat,
she also possesses a tongue that can make mincemeat out of you. She’s too much
of a firecracking livewire for me. You should be very afraid.
Here’s are some samples of her finer work from Euro 2012:
From EM 2012: Quarterfinals
(Female)
Reader: Just the same as you always were, Peter. Indelibly cute until you open
your mouth.
Vicey:
(afraid to say anything)
(Female)
Reader: What did your mother do to you?
Vicey:
Hey…that’s none of your damn business!! She’s a good woman who frequently feels
the need to sharply criticize. Rather like you actually….do you have dinner
plans?
From EM 2012: Semifinals
(Female)
Reader: Respect the cunt and tame the cock!
Vicey:
(giggling uncontrollably). Nicely done!
(Female)
Reader: You’re a male chauvinist shithead. There is absolutely nothing
redeeming about your shallow, stupid, and immature commentary! I’d insult you
more, but it seems like any further invective will just make you want to fuck
me.
Vicey:
In the ass, baby. Excuse me while I get started on the letter:
Dear
Penthouse Forum,
I never
thought it would happen to me…
(Female)
Reader: So I was reading your section on partying with the Italians. [Day 16
Recap]. All I could think of was “Look, there’s a guy who tries something out
for a little while. Then he arbitrarily concludes that ‘it will all end in
tears’ and runs away to hide out somewhere else. Sure sounds like the Peter
Weis I know.
Vicey:
What the….why would you….I mean…how could you…that’s totally…I mean……I’m human
and…….OUCH! OW, OW, OW! I won’t lie. That one stung a bit. I laughed it up, but
it was mostly to keep from crying.
DON'T FUCK WITH HER!!
Moving right along, we’ve got eight matches to set lines
for. Prior to that, we have to rank the sixteen departing countries. More
extensive coverage of the 16 countries we just dropped can be found in The
Dailies. In point of fact, your friendly bookie spent entirely too much time on
composing “Goodbyes Sections”. Every year he swears he’ll take it easier…then
instinct takes over. : ( ; ( We’ll still maintain our WM-Year tradition of
ranking the departed.
From places 32 to 17…
32nd Place- Cameroon
Bad, bad, bad! I know I’ve used this line no fewer than
twelve times already, but this country was “Brad Paisley-LL Cool J” bad. Why is
Volker Finke still coaching this team? The African Cup of nations is only seven
months away and they’re not even attempting to change course!
31st Place- Honduras
We’ve got to do something about CONCACAF. Every year they
deliver one of these doormats. Yes, yes. I know that Costa Rica, Mexico, and
the USA all advanced to the Round of 16, but Central American teams just don’t
deserve this type of embarrassment. Merge CONCACAF with COMNEBOL? I’d watch
that!
30th Place- Australia
It’s the end of an era. Cahill and Bresciano are gone never
to return again…unless your friendly bookie finds time to cover the 2015 Asian
Cup. Then we’ll see them early next year.
29th Place- Japan
Zacherroni has officially resigned. Might as well bring
Takeshi Okada back for a third stint. It’s not as if he has anything better to
do.
28th Place- Iran
The “Princes of Persia” return for the Asian Cup. Let’s hope
Rouhani doesn’t have any plans of returning to Iraq.
27th Place- South Korea
Down they go. Big surprise for your friendly bookie. Check
the Dailies if you’d like to know how truly frustrated he is.
26th Place- England
Hodgson stays on. Sven Goran-Erikson has been skulking
around F.A. Headquarters.
25th Place- Ghana
Kiss the money, Boye. Touch it. Love it!
24th Place- Russia
You’ve got four years, Capello. Four years to lose the tank
top, that is.
23rd Place- Spain
Somewhere up there in the “nether regions”, Luis Aragones is
looking down and frowning. He’s probably making racist remarks as well.
22nd Place- Italy
I want Mario Balotelli’s Panini Sticker Album. He’s the only
player featured in it. But didn’t deserve more, Vicey? Let me answer that
question with a resounding:
“wop…wop….woooop”
21st Place- Cote d’Ivoire
Hard luck. Bad officiating cost them their place. Looking
forward to seeing Les Elephants again in seven months. Happy Belated Birthday,
Yaya!
20th Place- Bosnia & Herzegovina
It was actually an enjoyable debut. See you guys in two
years!
19th Place- Croatia
No flares this year. A dogged effort, nevertheless.
18th Place- Portugal
Keep it elevated, Cristiano. Don't be afraid to strap the
ice pack with Duct Tape. It may cut off your circulation, but you’ve got bigger
problems right now.
17th Place- Ecuador
So close. Coming in 17th is worse than failing to
get the condom wrapper off in time. Sorry, Amigos.
SATURDAY—
Brazil
vs. Chile
vs. 
Exceedingly difficult task for the hosts. Neymar cannot
carry this team entirely on his shoulders, even if he would gleefully attempt
to do so. One must take the rout of Cameroon and throw it out. Obviously it’s
fantastic news that they got Fred involved. The recovered form of Oscar, Luiz
Gustavo, and David Luiz also counts as a major plus.
Throw it out. Now they face seriously daunting opposition
and it’s quite possibly that the Pentacampeoes’ World Cup dream of a sixth star
ends right here. Your friendly bookie dreads such an outcome. Violence should
ensue should A Selecao get eliminated. Innocent citizens will die. That’s
football, gentlemen. It ain’t all peaches and buttermilk. ; ( ; (
Problem-child Arturo Vidal returns for “La Roja Americana”.
With any luck, he’ll destroy team moral with one of his trademark tantrums.
Even that’s not something I’m prepared to set odds on. Vidal works well as an
anchoring midfielder. He’ll feed Vargas and Sanchez all night. Aranguiz
possesses lethal lateral ability and Mena can flick them on just as well as
Klose can.
Grab your antacids, gentlemen. This one’s going all the way
down to the wire.
Projected
Lineups:
“The
Samba Kings” (4-3-3)
Fred
|
Neymar
Hulk
|
Oscar Paulinho
|
Luis Gustavo
|
Marcelo D. Luiz T. Silva D. Alves
|
Julio Cesar
|
“La
Roja America” (5-2-3)
Eduardo
Vargas Alexis Sanchez
|
Arturo Vidal
|
Junior Diaz Charles Aranguiz
|
Eugenio
Mena
Mauricio Isla
|
G. Jara F. Silva
G. Medel
|
Claudio Bravo
|
Prop
Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own)
Over/Under— 3 Goals
120 Minutes—Straight Up
Penalty Shootout—2 to 1
Neymar brace—Straight Up
Neymar hat trick—2 to 1
Vidal substitution (76+)—Straight Up
Bravo howler—Straight Up
THE
LINE: “Pick em” (rolling down from Brazil +1)
Have we been here before?
We were, in point of fact, JUST HERE. Forget about the “Copa
America”. I’m sure that these two have met dozens of times there. That’s a Continental Championship that
your friendly bookie absolutely does not have time to cover. STOP ASKING ME!!
No, no, no. I can’t do it all by myself!
You want me to cover ALL of the Continental Championships?
Get me a secretary! Make sure she has nice tits! I can’t do it all by myself!
Anyway, we were just here four years ago…in the Round of 16
no less.
From WM 2010—Round of 16 (Part III)
Brazil vs. Chile
vs.
What lame cliché to write about Chile? Hmmmm… Let’s get
vertical!!
0
O.K. Nothing novel I can find in my arsenal. Nothing more
to say about Chile. Fitting as we are about to witness a 2002 repeat. Goodbye
Chile!! Hello “Chile Beer”!! Glug, glug, glug.
Projected Lineups:
“Samba Kings”
1) Julio Ceasar
2) Juan
3) Lucio
4) Michel Bastos
5) Maicon
6) Josuye
7) Gilberto Silva
8) Luis Fabiano
9) Kaka
10) Robinho
11) Elano
“El Equippo de Todos”
1) Claudio Bravo
2) Waldo Ponce
3) Gonzalo Jara
4) Mauricio Isla
5) Arturo Vidal
6) Marco Estrada
7) Mark Gonzalez
8) Rodrigo Millar
9) Humberto Suazo
10) Jean Beausejour
11) Alexis Sanchez
Prop Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own):
Over/Under ---4 Goals
120 Minutes— 6 to 1
Penalty Shootout— 8 to 1
Robinho brace –3 to 1
Kaka brace—3 to 1
Fabiano brace—4 to 1
Robinho hat trick – 3 to 1
Lucio from outside the 18—3 to 1
Grafitite Substitution (75+)—2 to 1
Ceasar Clean Sheet –3 to 1
Sanchez brace –5 to 1
Estrada Set piece goal—3 to 1
Suazo Start—2 to 1
Isla from outside the 18—4 to 1
THE
LINE: Brazil +2
Editor’s
retroactive notes:
RESULT:
Brazil 3, Chile 0. Unknown to me at the time, this would constitute the third
time Brazil would knock their coastal counterparts out of the World Cup Finals.
1962, 1998, and now 2010. A subject of interest next tournament will be whether
the Germans TKO the Argentines or the Black Stars sucker punch Uncle Sam.
Without Medel, Ponce, and Estrada “La Roja Americana” were nothing more than
bait to be devoured by the Brazilian Juggernaut. They were utterly demolished.
Dunga
stuck Robinho behind Luis Fabiano, with Kaka supporting them both. The trio
produced plenty of dazzle in the opening minutes, all of them getting good
looks at goal. Also firing from range were Ramires, Gilberto Silva, and Maicon.
Under constant bombardment, the Chileans could do little beyond the
implementation of a few dirty tricks. Pablo Contreras definitely should have
been thrown out after a reckless challenge on Lucio in the box. As the first
half drew to a close, the Samba Kings opened the floodgates with a quick
one-two succession. Juan headed a Maicon corner home in the 35th. In
the 38th it was Robinho to Kaka to Fabiano for a polished second.
The Chileans could only muster one shot on goal in the entire first half.
Two
halftime substitutions left them no better off. The midfield was a mess, with
Kaka and Ramires cutting off any momentum forward. Ramires sliced through three
white shirts in the 59th before setting up Robinho for the third
goal. Mercifully, this one came to a close absent any serious humiliation.
Columbia
vs. Uruguay
vs. 
I stand by my initially released line, even if a
disproportionate amount of money has come in on La Celeste. Have to take a
chance here. I just don’t see how they do it. Nothing I’ve read this morning
compels me to take a mulligan on last night’s post:
From WM 2014—Day Fifteen Recap:
Without
Suarez…..I’m sorry the difference is NIGHT and DAY. I don’t care how good
Cavani can be, this team cannot operate without their Talisman. By contrast,
the Coffee Growers adjusted to life without Radamel Falcao without skipping a
beat. Jackson Martinez and James Rodriguez overcome a Maxi Pereira set-piece
strike.
Projected
Lineups:
“The
Coffee Growers” (4-3-2-1)
Teofilo Gutierrez
|
J.G.
Cuadrado
Jackson Martinez
|
J.F. Quintero F. Guarin V. Ibarbo
|
Pablo Armero J.C. Zuniga
|
Mario Yepes C. Zapata
|
David Ospina
|
“La Celeste” (4-4-2)
Edinson Cavani Diego Forlan
|
C.
Rodriguez
A. Gonzalez
|
C. Stuani E. Arevalo
|
Alvaro
Pereira Maxi Pereira
|
Diego Godin Diego Lugano
|
Fernando Muslera
|
Prop
Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own)
Over/Under— 4 Goals
120 Minutes—2 to 1
Penalty Shootout—2 to 1
J. Martinez brace—Straight Up
Stuani goal—Straight Up
M. Pereira start—2 to 1
Lugano from outside the 18—2 to 1
THE
LINE: Columbia +1 Goal (holding)
Have we been here before?
Not in Syndicate Lore. Once more, they’ve surely met dozens
of times in the Copa America. I CAN’T DO IT, SYNDICATE MEMBERS!! There’s no
way!! I can’t do it all by myself! Let it go!
SUNDAY—
The
Netherlands vs. Mexico
vs. 
Special thanks to Syndicate Member 13-M, who sent in the
following link last night:
Hehe. #6 is my favorite, though #13 comes in a close second.
Our tubby little Danny-Devito-Doppelgänger’s luck has just
run out, however.
The loss of J.J. Vasquez (double yellows) likely means he
has to move Layun to midfield, swing Hector Moreno out to left back and start
Salcido in the center. At least that’s what I would do. Having gone through
this glorious link once again, I don’t quite think our boy Herrera has much of
a mind for tactics. It looks as if he has more of a mind for the Early Bird
Special over at the Golden Corral.
The Dutch get van Persie back from suspension. By now you
surely already know that the van Persie suspension meant Holland fielded a
starting eleven without a “van-prefix” player for the first time in 18 years!!
Thanks to Syndicate Member 53-M for that link. : )
There certainly seems to be a lot of interest in this one.
The line is virtually assured of rolling. No matter how hard it rolls, this one
won’t even be close. Surely van Gaal has a plan for Herrera’s wholly
predictable 5-3-2 (or 5-3-1-1 if you prefer) with Chicharito as the late-game
sub. In fact, I predict below that van Gaal will counter with his own 5-3-2,
deputizing the red hot Memphis Depay for use in central defense.
Farewell El Tri. See you in four years. In the meantime,
studying the brackets leads one to predict a Germany vs. Holland Third Place
Match. I’m so confident that this will be the end result that I’m prepared to
give myself 3 to 1 odds.
Projected
Lineups:
“Clockwork
Oranje” (5-3-2)
Arjen Robben Robin van Persie
|
Jermain Lens Wesley Sneijder
|
Nigel de Jong
|
Daley
Blind
Daryl Janmaat
|
S. de Vrij R. Vlaar M.
Depay
|
J. Cillessen
|
“El
Tri” (5-3-1-1)
Oribe Peralta
|
Giovanni dos Santos
|
A. Guardado
H. Herrera M. Layun
|
H. Moreno
P. Aguilar
|
F. Rodriguez
R. Marquez C. Salcido
|
G. Ochoa
|
Prop
Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own)
Over/Under— 5 Goals
120 Minutes—2 to 1
Penalty Shootout—3 to 1
Robben brace—Straight Up
Van persie brace—Straight Up
Reyes start—Straight Up
R. Marquez Penalty —3 to 1
THE
LINE: Netherlands +2 Goals
Have we been here before?
The pair came oh so close in both 2006 and 2010. Still, the
answer is no.
Costa
Rica vs. Greece
vs. 
Time for the clock to strike midnight on Cinderella? Your
friendly bookie says no. The “Pura Vida” team rides that wave all the way into
the quarterfinals!! Kostas Katsouranis returns from suspension for the Pirate
Ship, but Fernando Santos’s back four still haven’t proven to me that they can
implement his strategy in this tournament.
After a lucky escape against Cote d’Ivoire, I’ve still not
yet seen a reliable scorer on the deck. Santos has little choice but to roll
the dice with Mitroglou…which just isn’t going to work. If there’s hope for the
Greeks, Kone, Salpingidis, Katsouranis, and Holebas should have zero difficulty
exploiting the extremely weak Junior Diaz up the left flank. I still see Bolanos
and Ruiz having a field day with Torosidis and Manolas on the right.
I’m hitting the fucking button now.
UPSET
ALERT!
UPSET
ALERT!
UPSET
ALERT!
Projected
Lineups:
“Los
Ticos” (5-3-2)
Joel Campbell Christian Bolanos
|
Y. Tejeda
Bryan Ruiz
|
Celso Borges
|
J. Diaz
G. Gonzalez
|
M. Umana G.
Gonzalez O. Duarte
|
Keylor Navas
|
“To
Piratiko” (4-4-2)
G. Samaras K. Mitroglou
|
P.
Kone D.
Salpingidis
|
K. Katsouranis G.
Maniatis
|
J.
Holebas
V. Torosidis
|
Sokratis K.
Manolas
|
Orestis Karnezis
|
Prop
Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own)
Over/Under— 3 Goals
120 Minutes—Straight Up
Penalty Shootout—Straight Up
Campbell brace—Straight Up
Bryan Ruiz brace—Straight Up
Mitroglou brace—3 to 1
Mitroglou straight red —2 to 1
Salpingidis goal—2 to 1
Katsouranis goal—2 to 1
THE
LINE: Costa Rica +1 Goal
Have we been here before?
We have not. Greece failed to qualify in 2002 and 2006.
Costa Rica missed out on 2010.
MONDAY—
France
vs. Nigeria
vs. 
The loss of Oboabona looms large, but Keshi’s re-recruitment
of Odemwingie continues to reap dividends. He works well as an anchor, a second
striker, and even a winger. Musa and Babatunde are finally coming alive on the
flanks. We haven’t seen nearly enough of Mikel or Emenike, but they’ll get up
for this one.
The real question on everyone’s mind reads, “What the hell
happened to the Frogs against Ecuador”. More articulately stated, “Was their
languid performance the result of Deschamps resting regulars or Benzema and
Sissoko crashing back down to earth?” I’ll call it a mixture of the two.
Benzema and Sissoko were due for an “off night”. Pogba and Griezmann aren’t
exactly finding the right rhythm, and Cabaye would have ensured a different
result.
The Froggies will prevail, although it will be tight.
Projected
Lineups:
“Les
Bleus” (4-3-3)
Karim Benzema
|
Antoine
Griezmann
Mathieu Valbuena
|
Blaise
Matuidi Paul
Pogba
|
Yohan Cabaye
|
P. Evra M. Sahko L. Koscielny M. Debuchy
|
Hugo Lloris
|
“The
Super Eagles” (4-2-3-1)
Emmanuel Emenike
|
Michael Babatunde Ahmed Musa
|
Peter Odemwingie
|
John Obi
Mikel Ogenyi Onazi
|
K. Omerou J.
Yobo J. Oshaniwa E. Ambrose
|
Vincent Enyeama
|
Prop
Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own)
Over/Under— 3 Goals
120 Minutes—Straight Up
Penalty Shootout—Straight Up
Benzema brace—Straight Up
Benzema Hat Trick—3 to 1
Cabaye Goal—2 to 1
Giroud start —Straight Up
Emenike brace—2 to 1
Odemwingie from outside the 18—Straight Up
Mikel booking—Straight Up
Oboabona start—Straight Up
THE
LINE: France +1 Goal
Have we been here before?
Both nations failed to get out of their respective groups in
2002 and 2010.
Deutschland
vs. Algeria
vs. 
I’m not worried. Not even in the slightest. Want to exploit
my Kraut-Pride? Your friendly bookie has been so gracious as to give you a +2
Spread to bet against.
This incarnation of the Mannschaft isn’t a championship team
by any stretch of the imagination. We continue to struggle without Reus.
Schürrle? Özil? Götze? Podolski? Reus could have put an end to such ineffective
tinkering. He’d have Özil’s spot on the left and all would be well.
Löw still perplexes me with his stubborn insistence on
keeping Lahm in midfield while rolling out four natural centerbacks. Maybe he
gets it right this time by moving Lahm to Right Back and starting Durm in place
of Boateng. We need to generate some upfield momentum!
Even if he doesn’t get it right, Slimani and Brahimi pose no
real threat to Hummels and Mertesacker. Götze and Müller open the scoring.
Klose is sent in late to clean up. He gets a token goal to become the highest
scoring World Cup Player in history!
Projected
Lineups:
“Die
Mannschaft” (4-3-3)
Thomas Müller
|
Andreas
Schürrle
Meshut Özil
|
Mario Götze Sami Khedira
|
Bastian Schweinsteiger
|
E. Durm M.
Hummels P. Mertsacker P. Lahm
|
Manuel Neuer
|
“The
Desert Foxes” (4-4-1-1)
Islam Slimani
|
Yacine Brahimi
|
A. Djabou
S. Feghouli
|
N. Bentaleb C.
Medjani
|
D. Mesbah R.
Halliche M. Bougherra A. Mandi
|
Raid
M’Bohli
|
Prop
Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own)
Over/Under— 5 Goals
120 Minutes—3 to 1
Penalty Shootout—4 to 1
Müller brace—Straight Up
Müller Hat Trick—4 to 1
Lahm Goal—2 to 1
Draxler start —Straight Up
Christoph Kramer start—2 to 1
Kevei Großkreutz start—3 to 1
Schweinsteiger set-piece goal—Straight Up
Khedira injury—Straight Up
Slimani brace—2 to 1
Bougherra straight red—Straight Up
Feghouli double yellows—2 to 1
THE
LINE: Mannschaft +2 Goals
Have we been here before?
There was that historic defeat of West Germany in the
opening round of the 1982 World Cup in Spain……but your friendly bookie had only
just been conceived back then.
TUESDAY—
Argentina
vs. Switzerland
vs. 
….and we all wish Ottmar Hitzfeld a pleasant retirement! If
you’re looking for the first blowout of the Knockout Stages, look no further.
The Argentines may have been slow to take off, but they’ll get airborne thanks
to Hitzfeld’s flat runway.
Old School, old man Hitzfeld has deployed an perfectly
predictable 4-2-3-1 in all three group phase matches. It makes no difference if
he starts Drmic or Seferovic. Schär or Senderos? It’s a moot point. Cracking
this system will be easier than pissing in the sink. Messi and Mascherano will
run roughshod over Xhaka and Inler. Shaquiri won’t be able to comete against
Gago and Zabaletta.
It’s going to get ugly. Not quite as ugly as old-man
Hitzfeld himself, but ugly nonetheless.
Messi, Aguero, Di Maria, and Messi again.
Projected
Lineups:
“La
Albiceleste” (4-3-3)
Sergio
Aguero Gonzalo Higauin
|
Lionel Messi
|
Angel Di Maria Fernando Gago
|
Javier Mascherano
|
M. Rojo E. Garay F.
Fernandez P. Zabaletta
|
Sergio
Romero
|
“Die
Schweizer Nati” (4-2-3-1)
Josip Drmic
|
Admir Mehmedi Xerdan Shaqiri
|
Granit Xhaka
|
Gökhan
Inler Valon Behrami
|
R. Rodriguez F. Schär J. Djourou S. Lichtsteiner
|
Diego Benaglio
|
Prop
Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own)
Over/Under— 5 Goals
120 Minutes—2 to 1
Penalty Shootout—3 to 1
Shaquiri brace—2 to 1
Drmic brace—2 to 1
Xhaka brace—2 to 1
Senderos start—Straight Up
Messi brace—Straight Up
Messi Hat Trick—2 to 1
Macherano Set-Piece Goal—Straight Up
Maxi Rodriguez start—Straight Up
Higuain substitution (65+)—Straight Up
Lavezzi substitution (80+)—2 to 1
Zabaletta Substitution (85+)—2 to 1
THE
LINE: Argentina +3 Goals
Have we been here before?
No, although both nations are linked in that they did their
parts in covering German wartime atrocities. The Swiss took the money. The
Argentines took the criminals.
USA
vs. Belgium
vs. 
You’re very lucky America. Very, very lucky. Count your
blessings. The only other team remaining in this tournament MORE banged up than
you is Belgium. You still haven’t found a solution for Donovan’s absence. Here
are some of my thoughts on the matter from last night’s Daily:
From WM 2014: Day Fifteen Recap
GRADES—USA
(Match Three)
Jermaine Jones
|
B+
|
Omar Gonzalez
|
B+
|
Tim Howard
|
B
|
Graham Zusi
|
B-
|
Matt Besler
|
C+
|
Demarcus Beasley
|
C+
|
Michael Bradley
|
C
|
Clint Dempsey
|
C-
|
Fabian Johnson
|
C-
|
Alejandro Bedoya
|
D
|
Brad Davis
|
D-
|
Kyle Beckerman
|
F
|
Pretty poor marks all around. Even worse, not much we can
do about it. There’s simply no solution for Donovan’s absence in
midfield….unless. It’s not too late to give Julian Green the start! I know I’m
biased. Moreover, it’s all falling on deaf ears. You’ve tried every other
option short of Diskerud….and it hasn’t worked!
It’s not too late to start Green, Klinsi! Tell him to get on
his boots! Well, even if Beckerman, Bedoya, and Davis suck you’ve still got a
fighting chance. Dempsey, Bradley, Beasley and Besler will play better.
Moreover, you’re VERY, VERY lucky.
What the Flemish Fuck is going on with Belgium right now?
I’ve never seen a team be forced to contend with so many injuries in twelve
years of keeping a tournament book?!? Captain Vincent Kompany is hurt.
Alternate captain Thomas Vermaelin is hurt. Backup defenders Anthony Vanden
Borre and Laurent Ciman are hurt. That’s FOUR injured defenders out of EIGHT!
What? Wilmots has no choice in selecting his back four. To make matters even more
absurd, Jan Vertongen and Toby Alderweireld are on yellow cards. The whole
fucking defense is a hopeless mess! The Belgians are on the brink of being
unable to field a team.
With respect to the midfield, Axel Witsel and Mousa Dembele
are also on yellow cards. Porto winger Steven Defour is suspended after a
straight red. Lukaku, Mirallas, and Mertens are all playing at less than 100
percent. It’s a disaster!
You’re very lucky, America. VERY, VERY, LUCKY. This line is
a pick only because the Walloon-Flemish-Hybrid-Semi-State finds itself in
turmoil. Of course, we’re used to Belgium Turmoil when it comes to their almost
Iraqi-like inability to form a coalition government, but I thought football was
supposed to be a respite.
Projected
Lineups:
“The
Yanks” (4-2-3-1)
Clint Dempsey
|
Graham Zusi Alejandro Bedoya
|
Michael Bradley
|
Mikkel Diskerud
Jermaine Jones
|
D. Beasley M. Besler O. Gonzalez G. Cameron
|
Tim
Howard
|
“De
Rode Duivels” (4-2-3-1)
Romelu Lukaku
|
Eden
Hazard
Dries Mertens
|
Kevin de Bruyne
|
Maroune Fellaini Axel
Witsel
|
J.
Vertongen N. Loembaerts D. v.
Buyten T. Alderweireld
|
Thibault Courtois
|
Prop
Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own)
Over/Under— 3 Goals
120 Minutes—Straight Up
Penalty Shootout—Straight Up
Dempsey brace—2 to 1
Dempsey Hat Trick—3 to 1
Bradley from outside the 18—Straight Up
Jones from outside the 18—2 to 1
Julian Green start—Straight Up
Besler substitution (45+)—2 to 1
Witsel substitution (60+)—Straight Up
Dembele substitution (70+)—Straight Up
Chadli Start—2 to 1
Kevin Mirallas start—2 to 1
Fellaine goal—Straight Up
THE
LINE: “Pick Em”
Have we been here before?
There have been friendlies, but nothing on this level.
Interesting “Achtelfinale” we have going for us, Gentlemen. Seven of the Eight
matches give us something entirely new.
GENTLEMEN,
ENTER YOUR WAGERS
