Your “Syndicate Hangover” is proudly presented by
“Pißwasser Pils”
BITTE EIN PIß!!
Day 10: Recap
Record—
Spread: 7-22
Straight up: 13-11-5
Hot Girl
Standings
Country
|
Tally
|
Games
Played
|
Netherlands
|
74
|
2
|
Brazil
|
70
|
2
|
Costa Rica
|
64
|
2
|
Argentina
|
61
|
2
|
France
|
58
|
2
|
Australia
|
52
|
2
|
Germany
|
47
|
2
|
Columbia
|
44
|
2
|
Ecuador
|
42
|
2
|
Japan
|
41
|
2
|
Bosnia & H
|
36
|
2
|
Mexico
|
35
|
2
|
Ghana
|
32
|
2
|
Spain
|
31
|
2
|
Cote d’Ivoire
|
31
|
2
|
Nigeria
|
31
|
2
|
Chile
|
28
|
2
|
Belgium
|
28
|
1
|
USA
|
27
|
1
|
Honduras
|
25
|
2
|
Uruguay
|
24
|
2
|
England
|
24
|
2
|
Italy
|
24
|
2
|
Cameroon
|
23
|
2
|
Greece
|
22
|
2
|
South Korea
|
21
|
1
|
Russia
|
20
|
1
|
Switzerland
|
19
|
2
|
Croatia
|
17
|
2
|
Iran
|
15
|
2
|
Portugal
|
9
|
1
|
Algeria
|
1
|
1
|
Morgen Syndicate Members,
Twas the perfect Summer Eve for a bit of outdoor barhopping’
on the Karlsruhe Ludwigsplatz. Tables spill out onto seemingly every inch of
the cobblestone plaza. Flags flutter in the gentle summer breeze. Couples
stride by hand-in-hand, a surprisingly number of bedecked in colors of split
allegiance. Servers stroll past you with steaming plates of mammoth steaks,
aromatic Flammkuchen, deep-fried chips, and golden amber beers topped with deep
foam heads.
“Matchday in the Fatherland” works wonders on all five of one’s senses. The sounds of pleasant chatter, harmonious cheers, and impromptu songs may stimulate one’s ears in the way that on one of Bach’s premier Fugues can hope. The fragrant redolence Schnitzel and Pommes tickles the nostrils more delightfully than smoked Lachs on a Laugenstange. Once one digs into that horribly unhealthy German “Feierabend Futter”, one’s sense of taste kicks starts the brain into “endorphin-overdrive” quicker than a Yufka Döner after a 12-hour-shift.
The drop-dead gorgeous ladies of a German Matchday even have
something for your sense of touch. As you amble your way through the crowd,
through all of those luxuriant young lasses all wearing white tricots, tight
black shorts, flowers in their hair and German flag makeup on their cheeks,
some will “inadvertently” brush up against, flash you an inviting glance as they
make eye contact for the “Entschuldigung”, and maybe even favor you with a peck
on the cheek….just because it’s Matchday and they’re in an uncommonly good
mood. Danke, Mädels.
The real treat, however, is reserved for your sense of sight. A sea of color sits before you, and we’re not simply talking about the Black, Red, and Yellow of our Mannschaft. Plenty of La Roja fans made it out last night, evidently having decided that three days spent cooped up in the house mourning their loss was time enough. The White and Red of St. George made it out, unable to resist a good football match even if their country once again disappointed. The Red, White, and Blue of Sam’s Army came out to scout their future opponents, intently watching the fixture unfold as captivated as I’ve ever seen any American fans.
The Blue of the Azzuri were out in force. The Dark Blue and Gold clad Bosnians proudly strutted about awaiting their country’s first marquee matchup. The Neon Greens from Nigeria prodded them gently, talking smack all smiles in the spirit of friendship. The Blue and White Stripes of Argentina sat nursing their beers with a gracious smirk, relieved that Messi had come through in heroic fashion for them. Your friendly bookie even spotted a couple of gleaming Costa Rica enthusiasts, one proud Chilean who couldn’t stop smiling, and a yellow-clad Ecuadorian who felt the need to waltz around patting everyone on the back and telling them how awesome they were.
Everyone is invited to “Matchday in the Fatherland”. EVERYONE.
Your friendly bookie found himself most intriguing by three sets of couples.
Each pairing consisted of a young German hottie and her muscular Ghanaian
boyfriend. They held each other close throughout the entire exhilarating match.
They taunted each other playfully and stepped forward to shout at different
intervals. They night concluded with them gazing lovingly into one another’s
eyes, presumably off to go engage in some seriously memorable sex. A draw was a
good result.
We Germans got everything we could have wanted out of
“Matchday in the Fatherland”. We got to get out and frolic in the great
outdoors (it didn’t rain!). We got to down a few beers and gorge on some
calorie rich food. We got an IMMENSELY entertaining football match that kept us
on the edge of our seats. We even got to watch “Old Man Klose” tie the Greatest
World Cup Goal Scorer of all time! After the festivities concluded, everyone
went home and got laid. We couldn’t have asked for more. ; ) ; )Shifting over to the game itself, we were seriously lucky to obtain a draw last night. I’ve written extensively about how dangerous the Black Stars can be. I even tipped a tight match, expecting one that mirrored the 2010 encounter. Speaking of 2010, it was perfectly predictable that the Germans would stumble in their second match. The same thing essentially happened against Serbia in South Africa. For that matter, the same thing essentially happened against Poland in 2006. With enough early power, the German Mannschaft is always a threat to roll. This incarnation is no different that the others, however, in that we have serious weaknesses and concerns.
Where to begin? Perhaps with the lineup (as it looked to
your friendly bookie). We’ll contrast them with the first fixture
LINEUP—Deutschland
(Match One)—4-1-2-3
Thomas Müller
|
Mario Götze Meshut Özil
|
Sami Khedira Toni
Kroos
|
Phillip Lahm
|
B. Höwedes M. Hummels P. Mertesacker J. Boateng
|
Manuel Neuer
|
LINEUP—Deutschland
(Match Two)—4-3-2-1
Thomas Müller
|
Mario Götze Meshut Özil
|
Sami Khedira Phillip Lahm
Toni Kroos
|
J. Boateng
B. Höwedes
|
M. Hummels P. Mertesacker
|
Manuel Neuer
|
Precisely the same starting eleven. The only differences
that I could ascertain were the invitation of Lahm to play anchoring midfielder
alongside Khedira and Kroos, and the flipping of Jerome Boateng and Benedict
Höwedes back to their natural fullback positions.
Predictable results from players one would expect to be
running short of ideas at this point. The Mannschaft attempted to spread the
defense with zero success. Any efforts to get the lateral game going were
easily thwarted by Afful and Boye, both of whom had great games. Kroos an Götze
managed only piss-poor efforts. At the other end Kwadwo Asamoah and Sulley
Muntari both stung Neuer’s hands with some really feisty looking long-range missiles.
The story of this game would truly begin after restart. The
German news media very much wanted it to all be about the “Boateng
Half-Brothers”. Former German international Kevin Prince defected on bad terms,
took Michael Ballack out of the 2010 World Cup with a brutal tackle, and never
misses an opportunity to talk shit about the Fatherland. His half-brother
Jerome, by contrast, supplies scintillating play as “The Good German." A
story involving the two of them would virtually right itself.
It wasn’t to be. Following an uneventful first half, Jerome was subbed out with a muscle strain. Replacement Shkodran Mustafi played miserably. It’s same to say his WM is finished. Captain and Talisman Phillip Lahm also had a terrible match. He simply couldn’t direct traffic in midfield. It’s time to move him back to fullback and give the baton back to Schweine. More on that later.
Götze opened the scoring with that fine finish of a nicely
whipped Müller cross. Hilarious how one can see it rocket downward off his head
and off his knee in the replay. I have to take a brief break from the
chronological progression to tell you that Neuer also provided us with the
“Ultimate Football Blooper” in the games final moments. He tried to throw the
ball outwards…but forgot to let go of it. Somehow he managed to recover in time
to kick it clear. Instant classic if you have time to look it up.
Andre Ayew’s equalizer was a real work of art. He patiently
strode right into sync with the early cross and adroitly headed for the far
post. Muntari pounced on one of Mustafi’s woeful passes and delivered a sweet
diamond-cutting through ball for Asamoah Gyan a few minutes later. The former
Sunderland striker finished with aplomb. Two great goals. Asamaoh Gyan looked
damn good. Perhaps another Premiership Club will snatch him up soon.
The heroics from Miroslav Klose reminded me of his
equalizing goal against Argentina in the 2006 Quarterfinals. Klose maintains
this uncanny ability to make a spectacular goal out of a garbage blind flick
on. Borowski supplied him with one back then. In this case, Schweinsteiger
blindly flicked on for him and he slid it home. How does he keep doing this? I
don’t know. Klose just always seems to have his eyes glued to the ball. He just
knows how to score.
An absolute cracker of a finish as I wove my way into a
circle of Ghanaian fans and we watched no fewer than 10 quality chances emerge
from the final twenty minutes. This one was so enthralling I barely had the
chance to make a few strikes in my notebook. What a game. What an evening!
Here are my grades:
GRADES—Deutschland
(Match Two)
Miroslav Klose
|
A+
|
Bastian Schweinsteiger
|
A+
|
Matt Hummels
|
A
|
Manuel Neuer
|
B+
|
Per Mertesacker
|
B
|
Thomas Müller
|
B
|
Benedikt Höwedes
|
B-
|
Jerome Boateng
|
C+
|
Toni Kroos
|
C
|
Sami Khedira
|
C
|
Mario Götze
|
C
|
Meshut Özil
|
D
|
Phillip Lahm
|
D
|
Shkodran Mustafi
|
F
|
Going forward, we have three things to keep in mind:
1) GET LAHM OUT OF THE MIDFIELD!
I’m still not quite sure how this lousy idea got started.
Pep deploys him in the midfield. Now Löw does. He’s a creative right fullback.
Put him back where he belongs! With Schweine now fit, we don’t need a midget
“flight director”.
2) FOUR CENTERBACKS? FORGET IT!
It made sense against Ronaldo, but let’s move Lahm back to
the right and give Durm a chance on the left. Mobility out of the defensive
ranks is an asset.
3) SCHÜRRLE OVER ÖZIL?
Neither one of them can replace Reus, but Özil simply isn’t
fit enough to play right forward. Draxler, Kramer, and Podolski are decent
options too.
With all that being said, here’s I would LIKE to see Löw
organize the lineup in the Grudge Match against the States:
LINEUP—Deutschland
(Bookies Pick)—4-1-2-3
Thomas Müller
|
Mario Götze Andre Schürrle
|
Sami
Khedira Toni Kroos
|
Bastian Schweinsteiger
|
E. Durm M. Hummels P. Mertesacker P. Lahm
|
Manuel Neuer
|
Two other nations very much to deserve to feel hard done by
after yesterday’s results. The Iranian “Princes of Persia” played a far better
game than the languid “Albiceleste”, only to be undone by Messi’s late game
heroics. Not looking good for the Argentines, who failed to light it up even
after switching back to their preferred 4-3-3.
Farewell, “Golden Lillies” of Bosnia & Herzegovina. So
sorry it had to end so early. To take nothing away from Keshi’s intelligent
tactical use of Odemwingie, that was a PERFECTLY GOOD GOAL that Edin Dzeko had
disallowed. Had the linesmen been doing their job properly, we might have had a
different outcome.
“Riffs
of the Day”—Day Nine
(Both
in response to yesterday’s controversial “Hottest Female World Leader Riff”)
Reader:
Hmmm..at least you know the names of most World Leaders. That’s an improvement
over many candidates for elected office in the States
Vicey:
Sadly, I still can’t tell you who the President of
“Uz-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan” is ; (
Reader:
….you know you’re going to hell, right?
Vicey:
I’ve known that for quite some time. See you there.
DAY
TEN--PREVIEW
The first two lines are rolling too hard for anyone to take
advantage. Still room for more American money in the nightcap!
Belgium vs. Russia
vs. 
Gut check time, Capello.
THE
LINE: Belgium +2 Goals (rolling up from +1)
South Korea vs. Algeria
vs. 
Syndicate Members love them some “Taeguk Warriors”.
Unsurprisingly, the “Desert Foxes” didn’t find their way into too many hearts
THE
LINE: South Korea +2 Goals (rolling up from +1)
USA vs. Portugal
vs. 
Enjoy finishing off a wounded prizefighter while you can,
Yanks. You’re not winning on Thursday. That’s not happening.
THE
LINE: USA + Goals (holding)
GENTLEMEN,
ENTER YOUR WAGERS
