Greetings Fellow U.S. Citizens,
“(Take a deep breath, Vicey) I pledge allegiance (before I
put my head down on my desk and sleep through first period) to the flag
(federally required to be in every U.S. Classroom) of the United States of
America, and to the republic (doing great thus far, no hipster quips about
corporatism) for which it stands, one nation, (here comes the hardest part)
under…….”
Welcome to “Vicey Emphatically Affirms his American
Heritage”!
Verdammt. For the first time since Euro 2004, Deutschland
will not place! Not ready to do this quite yet. Not until we undertake full
analysis of the German loss. Sorry, but you’ve got a German bookie with a heart
that’s just been ripped out and eaten “Last of the Mohicans” style. Perhaps the
most apt visualization of my current emotional state is a kitten with a pencil
shanked into its head. Sorry again. That’s just the way the cookie gets
violently stomped on and obliterated.
So the best team won. Kumagi and Kinga played easily the
most spectacular game of their careers, putting on an unbelievable display of
precession slide tackling, incredibly cool clears off the line, and disciplined
positioning. Sawa, Miyama, Sameshima and Iwashimizu not only turned in the
defensive performance of their lives; they brilliantly choreographed countless
twelve-pass possessions that kept the lumbering Germans off the ball.
German trainer Sylvia Neid astonishingly did not heed my
prediction that Da Mbabi, Grings, and Garefreckas had logged too many minutes
would be too tired to run against the best “keep away team” in the tournament.
Sure enough, Da Mbabi’s first touch was atrocious, Garefreckas lost her
bearings on nearly every dribble, and Grings was so abysmally exhausted that
she couldn’t even run for balls in space. Exhaustion leads to concentration
errors. The hesitant touch of the German playmakers was evident from the start.
This might have been remedied by some timely substitutions, by the 3rd
minute injury to Kulig killed any chance of bringing an attacking substitute on
too early.
A country mourns. The Bundesflagge must be packed away, not
to be flown until next summer. No more Bundesadler, no more Kriegsflagge. No
loud assertions of German pride are permissible until Euro 2012. Since FIFA
won’t pay for a qualifying tournament, the German women have also been
eliminated from the 2012 London Olympics. Facing a long absence from meaningful
international competition, it’s now breeding season for professional German
female footballers. I’ll miss these girls as they take maternity leave, never
to return with quite the same figure. Nothing can cheer me up about this, not
even getting them pregnant myself.
Okay, Yanks. Time for me dig deep for my misplaced sense of
American hubris. (Yes, I already tried the couch cushions). The Pledge of Allegiance is difficult
to recite without involuntary yet instinctual eye rolling. Who can help me
claim my birthright? Aha! Professional wrestling! Let’s see if Rick Deringer’s
“I am a real American” can stimulate my inner Vince McMahon
“I am a half-American, root for a team of football women.
I am a
half-American, fight for what's right, fight for your life!”
Patriotism courses through my veins! Nevertheless, there
remains too little visceral arousal and too much teeth gritting. Something
crucial is lacking. Somehow it just doesn’t fit. My right-of-center compatriots
often tell me my proper place is in the “Blame America First Crowd”. (This
usually means I’ve inexcusably cited some foreign example for no other reason
than it seemed relevant) My intolerable transgressions aside, how will I ever
re-establish my legitimate cultural ancestry when I belong too such a freedom-hating
group?!? Hmmmmm…I’ve got it! I’ll sing Lee Greenwood’s “Proud to be an
American”! I’ll blend right into the crowd at the Prayer Breakfast! Let’s do
this!
“…and I’m proud to be an American, where at least I know I
have a team, and I’ll never forget the Krauts who failed, to give that right to
me, and I’ll proudly STAND UP right next to you and cheer them as of today.
Cause there a’int no doubt I mistakenly grew up in this land. GOD BLESS THE
USA!”
Now we’re rollin! One more! Take a page from Megan Rapinoe
and sing “Born in the USA”? Nah..... my birth certificate doesn’t exactly bear
that out. Jimmy Eat World’s “Bleed American” or Petey Pablo’s “USA”? I do
believe I just answered my own question.
“U---S----A. Abby Wambach. Take the flag, stick it up day
ass, spin it like a helicopter.”
“U---S----A. C’mon and raise up. This one’s for you? Uh-uh.
This one’s for who? U.S. U.S. U.S.”
Now I’m an official American. Like every defeated Kraut
before me, I am happy to welcome you to our humble little country and insist
that you take over. No really. Go ahead. If you need me, I’ll be in Argentin…I
mean over there. Yes, that’s what I said. Right over there. You’ll have no
problems finding me.
On a more serious note, it was a great privilege to talk to
so many of you personally this weekend. The winnings from this very lucrative
Quarterfinal Round will be partially dumped into a forthcoming behemoth of a
phone bill, but that is at least partially the point of it all. It was an
absolutely enthralling set of games, capped off with the storybook theatrics
that sent the U.S. into the Semis. I reiterate that the German press continues
to file adoption papers for this U.S. side. The ultimate U.S. Triumph is
presaged.
For those who issued the “MLS Challenge”, you’ll be happy to
know that, for the first time in over three years. I DID INDEED SIT DOWN AND
WATCH AN ENTIRE MLS GAME.
Moreover, you’ll be pleased to know that I was genuinely impressed with
both the level of play and the stadium atmosphere. The League has definitely
come a long way.
Sunday afternoon saw Kasey Keller and the Seattle Sounders
travel south along Interstate 5 to take on the Portland Timbers. The fast-paced
five-goal match had the distinctive feel of a Rangers-Celtic showdown, thanks
in large part to a raucous crowd that just didn’t quit. The Portland fans were
not, as I expected, a bunch of fedora-wearing hipster junkies who could barely
be bothered to lift their eyes from the latest issue of “VICE Magazine”.
(perhaps I’ve been watching too much “Portlandia”)
Instead, they mimicked a European football crowd almost perfectly. Drums, chants, flags, and songs! The only thing missing were the geyser-like plumes of cigarette smoke that emanate from a section when one drunken hooligan decides its time for a grit and the rest of us think that’s a fantastic idea. Overall, bravo American fans. I concede that I was wrong about your League. Hurry up and get your victory dance over with though, as I have a list of four things that I still find profoundly irksome about American Soccer.
Instead, they mimicked a European football crowd almost perfectly. Drums, chants, flags, and songs! The only thing missing were the geyser-like plumes of cigarette smoke that emanate from a section when one drunken hooligan decides its time for a grit and the rest of us think that’s a fantastic idea. Overall, bravo American fans. I concede that I was wrong about your League. Hurry up and get your victory dance over with though, as I have a list of four things that I still find profoundly irksome about American Soccer.
1) ESPN, we have to do something about this “Blair Witch”
Camera Angle. Are you trying to make me throw up? Most any sport loses part of
its aesthetic appeal when viewed from field-level. You are supposed to
appreciate the width of the pitch! The elegance of long-range passes, shots,
and crosses cannot be witnessed when the pitch looks as large as an Ice Hockey
Rink! Furthermore, all the bloody zooming and chasing reminds me of drunkenly
trying to follow a Foosball match. Cut this nonsense out!
2) Not entirely surprising that MLS Stadiums appear to be
cramped. Most of them are converted Minor League Baseball Stadiums compared to
the predominant Track & Field Style around the rest of the world. I suppose
it’s progress to no longer see players running over American Football hash
marks, but we need more space. In the age of HD TV, I’ve no desire to be
counting pimples on the neck of some teenage fan during a corner kick. Give the
streakers a challenge and move the fans back.
3) Neon lime green uniforms? No. Sorry Sounders fans. This
is a football game, not a goddamned rave. Leave your glow sticks at home. Who
the hell wants to watch a team of reflective munchkins?
4) Repeat after me: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A SIDELINE
REPORTER IN FOOTBALL. Got that? Perhaps the most annoying aspect of watching
American Football (besides the endless commercial timeouts, replay timeouts,
injury timeouts, team timeouts, game-break timeouts, and more commercial
timeouts) are the announcers constantly saying, “Let’s check in with Bimbo
McFaketits and get an update”. You know what? Let’s not. Let’s watch the
fucking game instead. I give no shit about the technical pageantry your wizard
of a media director is capable of.
All I ask to watch a game in peace without be interrupted by your “breaking news” crawl telling me who got the NASCAR pole position, your drop-down information screen informing me which player’s birthday it is, or your team of five analysts strategically embedded with the teams letting me know that the coach thinks the players need to do a better job executing. All I fucking require is ONE announcer and a graphic on the screen displaying the score of the game I’m watching. I am willing to forgive quite a great deal, but there is a line. Repeat after me: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A SIDELINE REPORTER IN FOOTBALL. My apologies to Alexi Lalas, but you need a better job.
All I ask to watch a game in peace without be interrupted by your “breaking news” crawl telling me who got the NASCAR pole position, your drop-down information screen informing me which player’s birthday it is, or your team of five analysts strategically embedded with the teams letting me know that the coach thinks the players need to do a better job executing. All I fucking require is ONE announcer and a graphic on the screen displaying the score of the game I’m watching. I am willing to forgive quite a great deal, but there is a line. Repeat after me: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A SIDELINE REPORTER IN FOOTBALL. My apologies to Alexi Lalas, but you need a better job.
Work on those four things (plus introduce relegation) and
you’ve got yourself a new fan. That being said, some of the extra DVR time this
autumn will be reserved for WPS Games. There are more ladies to say goodbye to.
Send offs
Four more teams eliminated, we now officially have twelve
calendar girls. No more send offs as the Final Four we be with us for the
duration of this summer’s activities.
England
Sorry my little Englanders, but ze French deserved that game. They out-shot you 33-7. They out-muscled you, winning virtually every 50-50 ball. They outran you and still appeared fitter after 120 minutes. Add to that the calamitous substitution decisions of Hope Powell that left a limping Kelly Smith out on the pitch and justice was served.
To the English credit, there was no overt cheating as the
team played for penalties. One also doesn’t wish to be too hard on Hope as those
three substitutions were made with five minutes to play and the English
leading. It can happen to anyone. Let’s send the Limeys off with some cordial
encouragement. We can start with recovering alcoholic Kelly Smith, the
recipient of a mini-soap opera piece detailing her “drinking problem” prior to
kickoff.
“I would have three drinks and fall asleep on the couch.”
What kind of “drinking problem” is that? I define a “drinking problem” as over
four drinks in one sitting. Sounds to me more like a “bad stretch”. Stay
strong, girl. You’re a long way from hopeless squalor.
GOD SAVE THE BIATCHES:
We’ll definitely miss the little cutie Claire Rafferty, just as she missed that crucial penalty kick to extend France a lifeline. Ellen White, Rachel Yankee, Sophie Bradley, Karen Carney, Rachel Unitt, and Jess Clarke are also captivating ladies that almost make me want to follow the Women’s Premiership….almost. In terms of my personal “Princess of the Pitch”, the British taxpayers may prepare to finance my wedding to Nigerian transplant Eniola Aluko. This shapely striker may have lost her starting position, but she won over my heart.
THE MOMENT:
Quite a few goals to choose from, but the undisputed highlight is Ellen White’s gorgeous first time lob from outside the 18. Ellen White shines bright at 0:16
Deutschland
One could just sense it. As soon as talismanic midfielder Kim Kulig hobbled off the pitch and turned on the waterworks, one had the feeling there would be a great deal more crying to come. “Her Shin was shattered, all Hope was Lost”. Sounds like a project for the Lifetime Movie Network.
I never want to see so many despondent German women with their heads hung in shame ever again. As I mentioned above, it was like watching a kitten get stabbed with a pencil. Keep those heads up, Mädels. See if you can’t gestate a few future national team players while in baby-making obscurity.
FRAUS!
Yes, there shall never be a shortage of jokes about Garefreckas, Angerer, Behringer, and Prinz. But what about Kulig, Hingst, Goeßling, Schmidt, Faißt, Laudehr, Grings, and Popp? Far too many good -looking girls on this team to say goodbye so early. On that note, Let’s quickly include some pictures of Fatmire Bajramaj and move on before I get truly depressed.
THE MOMENT:
Has to be that first game against Canada and the vicious strikes uncorked from Kim Kulig and Alexandra Popp. These efforts set the tone for the tournament and proved conclusively that women footballers have serious power. Popp is at 1:26, Kulig at 1:45
Australia
What did I say about the Australian back line?? Elyse Perry is a pretty girl with a pretty goal to her credit, but she had a nightmare day at the back. Uzunlar upgraded her performance from “catastrophe” to “miserable” and Tameka Butt was subbed in far too late to make a difference. (No, people. I refuse to make a joke about either Tameka “what..what” or Bayern keeper Hans Jorg “in the” Butt).
So the dream dies for our “lady-roos”, “waltzing matildas”,
“outback ovaries”, blah blah blah blah. Rest assured we’ll be back with this
perennial oceanic qualifier next time around, talking about their fierce “Never
say die” attitude, trying (and failing) to find something funny to say about
the Prime Minister, and pretending as if Yahoo Serious is a legitimate pop
culture reference. Yawn. Don’t you understand? They won’t go away! They’re always
coming back! LEAVE ME ALONE!
WE”LL GO WALTZING:
Elyse Perry would be the obvious choice. Kyah Simon is certainly cute. She purportedly has some aborigine in her, but I fail to see it. Guess she must be like those white guys I know that are proud to be 1/64th Cherokee. Laura Alleway, Caitlin Foord, and Samantha Kerr all deserve honorable mentions. In the end we have to spice things up with a red head. Our calendar has it all. Gentlemen, I give you Collette McCallum:
THE MOMENT:
Having been edged out for our Calendar, we’ll give Elyse Perry chops for her laser of a strike in the losing effort against Sweden (at 0:50)
Brazil
Erika…you floppin’ bitch. Sloppy tackles, blatant cheats, and wild tantrums. All said, a truly horrendous way for the so-called “Samba Queens” to exit the tournament. We saw far too little of the improvised tricks supposedly unique to Brazilian football and far too much of the crazy hysterics that would put my mother to shame.
Ugh. Daiane, Aline, Maurine timed almost none of their challenges correctly. Marta went apeshit on Wambach and had several unsportsmanlike fits. The absolute wrong way to impose yourself! For the trillionth time, this is what happens when a team tires out in tournament football! Frustration and clumsy play are the results. You absolutely must rest your players.
SAMBA INTO MY HEART AND OUT THE DOOR:
Of course Marta is beautiful in her own way. Erika and Beatriz have their charms….when they’re not cheating. Truly, the only reasonable choice is the little roving fullback/set pieces girl known as Maurine. One hundred fifty nine centimeters of sizzling hot woman:
THE MOMENT:
Those of you who tuned in for the first time yesterday saw Marta’s brilliant toe-curl finish. You might have missed this breathtaking piece of rhythmic footwork. Dance with Marta at 0:23.
The Matches
We’re finally here! The FINAL FOUR MATCHES. You know what
that means….we only have to watch those Tim Howard Allstate and “Pressure Makes
Us” Nike commercials 2,342 more times!! Plus, I’ll go back into hibernation and
we can all get on with our lives. J It was indeed an
exhausting Quarter Finals. After all the extra time, all the calls, and all the
late dramatics I found myself limping towards the finish much like six of the
eight teams.
Note that we’ll keep our tradition of declaring all bets off
for the final, so that everyone can simply drink, enjoy, and forget about their
wallet. This means that there remain only three matches left to bet on (two
semi-finals and the third place game). Americans, Wednesday may be your very
last chance to bet on your team! No matter what, be sure to tune in while
pretending either to get some work done, listen to the lecture, or keep the
kids away from the paste. You never you when you’ll have a chance to see the
U.S. dominate in football again.
All lines are calculated personally by your friendly bookie
Vicey….. “Der Peter-mann, der alles kann” The correspondence that follows is,
as always, crafted with sincere amity for those who appreciate sharp wit and an
extra spot of fun in their day. Should you prefer solemnity, drama, and
conflict… kindly return to following that Florida trial that no one seems
capable of shutting up about. No, I don’t know the woman’s name and I can’t be
bothered to look it up
France vs. USA
vs. 
I’ve got the DVR set for five days of Bill O’Reilly solely because of this match. If he neglects to mention it…well he hates America. You read it here first. Plus, after five consecutive hours of the “O’Reilly Factor” I’m fairly certain I’ll finally be ready to commit suicide. Everybody wins.
Carli Lloyd was the only U.S. starter to exhibit a
pronounced drop in form. O’Reilly and Cheney continued to look very sharp on
the flanks and were substituted early enough that they should have legs left.
Le Peilbet and Rampone recovered nicely from their dip in the Sweden game. I’m
slightly concerned about their minutes, but Mitts and Cox should be more than
adept to step up should they falter. Cox has looked especially good in her two
relief appearances.
You’ll have to do without Rachel Buehler, who is suspended after her questionable red card. Now might be the time to consider switching the unstoppable Krieger to the far left and giving Becky Sauerbraunn the start at center-left. Krieger works better as a creeping back anyway.
You’ll have to do without Rachel Buehler, who is suspended after her questionable red card. Now might be the time to consider switching the unstoppable Krieger to the far left and giving Becky Sauerbraunn the start at center-left. Krieger works better as a creeping back anyway.
Giving Amy Rodriguez a break was a smart move. It may be
wise to flip her with Wambach, who must be running on pure adrenaline at this
point. Rodriguez is younger, better rested, and matches up better against
Georges. Either Lloyd or Boxx should not start in the midfield. Boxx fired off
way too many seam balls and both of them seemed to be clueless as how to
effectively use space. Rapinoe is far too mercurial, not to mention probably
horribly fatigued after her heroic effort in the last game. Starting either
Lindsey or Heath might not be a bad idea.
In general, Sundhagen seems to know how to coach tournament
football. She doesn’t put the team through grueling training sessions and has
made deft use of her deep roster. Fatigue will not be an issue for “Sam’s
Angels” in the same way it will be for the “Gauloises Gals” Don’t forget France
is also tired and banged up after their own improbable last minute comeback…and
their team, unlike their civil service, doesn’t get a four-hour lunch
break.
The more I become acquainted with the firebrand personality
of Hope Solo, the more I pity the poor emasculated soul who has the misfortune
to be dating her. Yes, she’s very attractive. However, those pursed lips and
that saturnine glare…yikes. Why must she constantly look like I mentioned that
she could stand to shed a few pounds? Oh well. So long as she keeps up the
excellent keeping, the U.S. retains a clear advantage in goal. Sapowitz is back
after sitting out a game and will have to survive an early test if she wants
her groove back.
Talk a bit about France? “Keep your eye on Louisa Necib,”
says Kate Markgraf. As if I need to be reminded. This Algerian Jewel has France
respectable again, only one year removed from the most disgraceful
international football tournament “appearance” ever. She is the beating heart of this
French team, controlling the pace and flow from her midfield position.
She can also rip the ball from range, often shaving the woodwork from 40 yards out! Whenever she happens to test the frame, cameras immediately capture her glancing heavenward, looking toward her point of origin. Yes, you read that correctly. She is a celestial being, and the greatest threat to a U.S.A-Sweden Final.
She can also rip the ball from range, often shaving the woodwork from 40 yards out! Whenever she happens to test the frame, cameras immediately capture her glancing heavenward, looking toward her point of origin. Yes, you read that correctly. She is a celestial being, and the greatest threat to a U.S.A-Sweden Final.
Other threats are few and far between. Strikers Gaethane
Thiney and Marie-Laure Delie could barely walk towards the end of that England
game. Camille Abily is also as done as a midwestern steak. Eugenie Le Sommer
and Elodie Thomas showed terrible form in relief. Le Sommer has no touch.
Neither does the young Sandrine Breitigny, who blew an equal amount of chances.
Stalwart anchor fullback Laure Lepailleur is doubtful after taking it in the ass. What? She injured her tailbone after being pushed backwards into the goalpost! I didn’t make anything up! I wasn’t insinuating anything!
Stalwart anchor fullback Laure Lepailleur is doubtful after taking it in the ass. What? She injured her tailbone after being pushed backwards into the goalpost! I didn’t make anything up! I wasn’t insinuating anything!
Only Necib has the talent and the legs….and the fitness. It
won’t be enough. The good news is that we’ll get to see them again in the third
place match…and we can see them naked whenever we want.
THE
LINE: USA +2
Prop Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own):
Over/Under ---3 Goals
120 Minutes— 2 to 1
Penalty Shootout— 3 to 1
Editor’s
retroactive notes:
RESULT:
USA 3, France 1. Not quite the dismantling in Dortmund the scoreline might
suggest. A gritty French side hung in there with a vastly superior squad for 80
minutes, when Sam’s Angels finally put them away with two late goals.
Sundhage’s side worked an excellent team goal in the 9th minutes
following a series of crisp passing and smart movement. Shannon Boxx cut across
midfield, drawing out the French challengers to free up LePeilbet.
LePeilbet took a few touches to ensure Carli Lloyd had space on the left flank. Lloyd was already looking ahead for O’Reilly, and one touched it to her just as she started her run. From there it was O’Reilly all the way to touch line, cutting back for the arriving Lauren Cheney at the last moment. To see so many players intuitively anticipating what their teammates have in mind is always a treat.
LePeilbet took a few touches to ensure Carli Lloyd had space on the left flank. Lloyd was already looking ahead for O’Reilly, and one touched it to her just as she started her run. From there it was O’Reilly all the way to touch line, cutting back for the arriving Lauren Cheney at the last moment. To see so many players intuitively anticipating what their teammates have in mind is always a treat.
The
U.S. continued to work from close-range for the duration of the half while the
Gauloises Gals were reduced to trying their luck from distance. Necib got Solo
into the game with a strike from twenty meters that the keeper had to alertly
tip over the bar. Sonia Bompastor curled a lovely free kick past Solo and the
wall only for it to ricochet off the post.
Fresh
strikers for each side after the break. Le Sommer relieved Delie with Alex
Morgan getting a vote of confidence from Sundhage in early relief of Rodriguez.
The French equalizer came ten minutes after the restart in a somewhat serendipitous
fashion. Bompastor booted a cross for Thiney directly in front of goal. Solo
rightly positioned herself in anticipation of Thiney’s header.
Thiney wouldn’t connect and the ball bounced into the right corner of the net for an unintended goal. Over the next 25 minutes substitutes Morgan and Rapinoe created some Havoc in front of Sapowicz, but a miserly French back four kept them from generating any real threats. Eventually, Wambach headed in a Cheney corner in 79th and Alex Morgan finally got her goal in the 82nd on a swift breakaway that she smartly finished.
Thiney wouldn’t connect and the ball bounced into the right corner of the net for an unintended goal. Over the next 25 minutes substitutes Morgan and Rapinoe created some Havoc in front of Sapowicz, but a miserly French back four kept them from generating any real threats. Eventually, Wambach headed in a Cheney corner in 79th and Alex Morgan finally got her goal in the 82nd on a swift breakaway that she smartly finished.
Time
to rank the departing women. You know the drill, mates. On a scale from one to
ten….
France 
Louisa
Necib
|
10.0
|
Laure
Bolleau
|
9.7
|
Corine
Franco
|
9.2
|
Gaetene
Thiney
|
9.0
|
Marei
Laure-Delie
|
8.6
|
Sonia
Bompastor
|
8.2
|
Ophilie
Meilleroux
|
7.7
|
Wendie
Renard
|
7.5
|
Sandrine
Bretigny
|
6.8
|
Elodie
Thomas
|
6.6
|
Eugenie
Le Sommer
|
5.7
|
Camilie
Abily
|
5.5
|
Laure
Lepailleur
|
5.4
|
Laura
Georges
|
5.1
|
Berangere
Sapowicz
|
4.4
|
Caroline
Pizzala
|
4.2
|
Sabrina
Viguier
|
3.6
|
Sandrine
Soubeyrand
|
3.3
|
Elise
Bussaglia
|
3.0
|
Japan vs. Sweden
vs. 
Will we witness the continuation of the Cinderella Story?
Every news outlet is dying to write the story of the sports club that somehow
obviated the natural disaster. I don’t know about you, but I’m getting awfully
sick of this. I do not believe some orphaned fisherman in Ibaraki Prefecture
who saw his entire family, livelihood, home, and earthly possessions washed
away will somehow be given solace by the fact that the Japanese women made the
World Cup Semi-finals. I fail to see how the family of some emergency Fukashima
responder dying a slow painful death from radiation poisoning will turn to each
other and say “well, what about that game?”
The American news media just can’t resist. The Saints once
won a meaningless regular season game against the Carolina Panthers while some
people were still stuck in the attic and others were pulling bloated bodies out
of the inundation. “Saints give hope to their Suffering City” read the
headlines.
I’m sure that meant a lot to those stranded in their attic without found or water for days, or those charged with retrieving human remains, or those (whether from Chalmette or the Lower Ninth Ward) who no longer had a place to live or many prospects for the future.
I’m sure that meant a lot to those stranded in their attic without found or water for days, or those charged with retrieving human remains, or those (whether from Chalmette or the Lower Ninth Ward) who no longer had a place to live or many prospects for the future.
Here’s the bottom-line: Sports DO have transcendental power,
but it is the most ephemeral of escapes. For the most fleeting of moments, we
can forget whatever problems assail us, unite as a cohesive coterie, and
celebrate the perceived reality that we’re all in this together.
A championship celebration can keep you elated all night long. Win or lose, however, we’ve still got to go to work the next morning. Sports can give us some great memories to hang on to. Football is the sport of the entire world (excepted the Indian subcontinent). Can it actually alter our lives? Eh. Perhaps VERY, VERY temporarily.
A championship celebration can keep you elated all night long. Win or lose, however, we’ve still got to go to work the next morning. Sports can give us some great memories to hang on to. Football is the sport of the entire world (excepted the Indian subcontinent). Can it actually alter our lives? Eh. Perhaps VERY, VERY temporarily.
Enough of the heavy stuff. I’m no philosopher, though they
may eventually put my stubborn ass to death with hemlock. Let’s talk match up.
I’ve already written that the Japanese defensive corps played what can only be
described as “the perfect game”. Can lightning strike twice? Doubtful. Kanga,
Kumagai, and Iwashimizu are overdue for a lapse of concentration.
In theory, the German and Swedish styles are not dissimilar. One critical difference happens to be that the Swedes have an authentic striker in Schelin. They also have a reliable midfield force in Caroline Seger. Japan has the most tired back line in the tournament, with all four logging nearly 400 minutes.
They come nowhere close to being able to compete aerially with the sprightly hungry trees known as Lanstrom and Øoqvist, both of whom are in fine form and well rested. Kaihori was phenomenal against the Germans, but is far too fickle to trust.
In theory, the German and Swedish styles are not dissimilar. One critical difference happens to be that the Swedes have an authentic striker in Schelin. They also have a reliable midfield force in Caroline Seger. Japan has the most tired back line in the tournament, with all four logging nearly 400 minutes.
They come nowhere close to being able to compete aerially with the sprightly hungry trees known as Lanstrom and Øoqvist, both of whom are in fine form and well rested. Kaihori was phenomenal against the Germans, but is far too fickle to trust.
Nilla Fischer is out for the Swedes, but options are
ultimately what give them the edge. Four different forwards have already cut
their teeth in this tournament, and any one of them have demonstrated the
ability to burst forward with frenzied speed and supply detonating finishes.
This should be enough to carry the Swedes to the finals.
Er….. “Swede dreams are made of this”? What do you want? I’ve got shit to do.
THE
LINE: Sweden +2
Prop Bets (as always, feel free to offer your own):
Over/Under ---4 Goals
120 Minutes— straight up
Penalty Shootout— 2 to 1
GENTLEMEN,
ENTER YOUR WAGERS
Editor’s
retroactive notes:
RESULT:
Japan 3, Sweden 1. Not what we were expecting, particularly after Josephine
Öqvist’s electrifying tenth minute goal. She picked off Sawa and shook off
Iwashimizu before lacing a firecracker that got everyone in Mönchengladbach out
of their seats. It looked very much like we were in for romp.
Yet,
this was a depleted Swedish side, having lost Caroline Seger to a re-aggravated
injury minutes before kickoff. Her presence in central midfield was sorely
missed as Ohno and Miyama ran roughshod over her replacement. Nine minutes
after the opening goal Ohno motored past Hammerström to get out wide.
She then engineered a full switch for Miyama, who first-timed a cross in for the fresh-legged Kawasumi for the equalizer. Kawasumi was a surprise start, but she justified her selection by fending off none other than goal scorer Öqvist for the deft finish. Without the talismanic Seger functioning as midfield general, the Swedes couldn’t seem to get anything forward for Schelin. Most attempts to link up with her were badly off target.
She then engineered a full switch for Miyama, who first-timed a cross in for the fresh-legged Kawasumi for the equalizer. Kawasumi was a surprise start, but she justified her selection by fending off none other than goal scorer Öqvist for the deft finish. Without the talismanic Seger functioning as midfield general, the Swedes couldn’t seem to get anything forward for Schelin. Most attempts to link up with her were badly off target.
The
Japs emerged from the tunnel the more energetic side and enjoyed a fifteen-minute
spell of almost exclusive possession. After Ohno and Sawa struck the post,
Swedish keeper Lindahl failed to collect a cross and Sawa caught her out of
position for a 60th minute go-ahead goal. Four minutes later it was
again Lindhal coming out to clear, failing to do so, and Kawasumi floating it
in from 35 yards out as the keeper scrambled to get back to her line.
The shocking result held for the remaining half hour, even as Swedish coach Thomas Dennerby quickly burned all three of his substitutions. Jakobsson, Landström, and Görannson were unable to even produce a memorable chance.
The shocking result held for the remaining half hour, even as Swedish coach Thomas Dennerby quickly burned all three of his substitutions. Jakobsson, Landström, and Görannson were unable to even produce a memorable chance.
Time
to rank the departing women. You know the drill, mates. On a scale from one to
ten….
Sweden 
Lotta
Schelin
|
10.0
|
Jessica
Landström
|
10.0
|
Sarah
Thunebro
|
9.7
|
Linda
Sembrant
|
9.0
|
Linda
Nilsson
|
8.8
|
Lisa
Dahlkvist
|
8.7
|
Josephine
Öqvist
|
8.0
|
Charlotte
Rohlin
|
7.8
|
Madalaine
Edlund
|
6.8
|
Linda
Forsberg
|
6.5
|
Sara
Larsson
|
6.2
|
Annica
Svensson
|
5.3
|
Antonia
Goransson
|
5.1
|
Hedvig
Lindahl
|
5.0
|
Therese
Sjögran
|
4.8
|
Sofia
Jakobsson
|
4.2
|
Caroline
Seger
|
3.9
|
Marie
Hammarström
|
3.4
|
Nilla
Fischer
|
3.1
|
