Day 4: Recap
Record—
Spread: 5-6
Straight up: 5-1-5
Arigato, Japs! You derailed my unbeaten run and killed off
any possible chance of an undefeated line of picks! Now I’m mediocre at yet
something else LL
Had you picked in my first draft before switching. Must learn not second-guess
myself!
Hot Girl Standings
Country
|
Tally
|
Games
Played
|
South Korea
|
8
|
1
|
Netherlands
|
7
|
1
|
Ghana
|
6
|
1
|
USA
|
5
|
1
|
Japan
|
5
|
1
|
Cameroon
|
5
|
1
|
Italy
|
5
|
1
|
Argentina
|
4
|
1
|
Serbia
|
4
|
1
|
Slovenia
|
3
|
1
|
Denmark
|
3
|
1
|
Paraguay
|
2
|
1
|
Nigeria
|
2
|
1
|
South Africa
|
2
|
1
|
Algeria
|
2
|
1
|
Greece
|
2
|
1
|
England
|
1
|
1
|
Uruguay
|
1
|
1
|
Mexico
|
1
|
1
|
Germany
|
1
|
1
|
France
|
0
|
1
|
Australia
|
0
|
1
|
Woke up this morning and there were four buxom Dutch blondes
in orange tank tops waving at me. Why can’t this happen every morning? 5:30
a.m. and I felt no need for coffee. My eyes were already wide open. Japs, Japs,
Japs. We really do need to talk. Where the hell are you? Half of the seats in
that Stadium were empty! This is the World Cup!
I know it may be more cozy to watch the game on a 52-inch
plasma while simultaneously surfing the web on three computer screens, playing
a few seizure-inducing video-games on your PS3, and watching anime involving
precocious schoolgirls and/or tentacles on WOWOW-TV, but C’mon!! Your team
needs you! Those pupils are looking awfully dilated and you can probably use
some fresh air. Put down the manga and come get drunk with us. Hell, you can
sing all the karaoke you want! I want three JAL Jumbo-Jets packed full of
smoking hot “Perfect 10” Japanese girls headed for Johannesburg immediately.
No? Well, how about a prop-plane full of “6.5”s sent directly to me?
Stream of Consciousness—
Speaking of the Japanese, I issue an emergency appeal to
anyone with access the Japanese TV Coverage of Today’s game, PLEASE POST THE
LINK! This was the first time the Japanese national football team won a game on
foreign soil and I’m sure the NHK broadcast team registered readings on
numerous seismographs across the Pacific. We need this. The world needs to see
this. We need the “Double KO!” moment when Keisuke Honda scored. We especially
need Kawashima’s amazing save in stoppage time, during which I’m certain the
Japanese play-by-play announcer’s head exploded.
I’d get all this myself, but for the Copyright Gestapo
currently patrolling the web for FIFA clips. Stuck with ESPN, who today chose
to devote 75% of their time telling me that Tim Howard slept on some nicely
fluffed pillows, ate a highly satisfying breakfast shaped like a smiley face,
and concluded that his tummy was feeling much
much better. Grrrrr….There are 31 other teams in this
tournament! No one felt compelled to mention the fact that the Dutch…..SUCKED!
You heard me. A pathetic effort from such a highly touted team.
To all the Italian losers who bet their team would win by
more than a goal:
Hahahahahahahahaha. You wops fell directly into my
trap…again! I love exploiting your misplaced sense of ethnic pride. You nuts
are too easy. It’s quite sad how effortlessly you can be manipulated into
betting for a Jurassic team full of has-beens with no explosive striker, no
ranged threat, and an over-rated sack of rotting manure masquerading as a
keeper. And the fun is just beginning. Wait till you realize you’re barely
getting out the group and embarrassing yourselves in the Round of 16! Felt
pretty good in 2006, eh Azzuri fans? Imagine the opposite of that…for the next
four years.
31 Seconds into the match, a greasy wop flopped on the
greasy pitch. Are you that desperate?
